False advertising already! Blue skies? In Scotland?! (via TripAdvisor)

You'll never believe this, but people got into an argument on the Internet. It started with something almost as shocking: a negative hotel review delivered from the safe distance of cyberspace. Lou Taylor had traveled from...somewhere else in the UK, I presume...to stay in Glasgow, Scotland at the Blue Sky Hostel while she attended the Commonwealth Games.

Lou had some issues with Blue Sky Hostel. Quite a few issues, actually, some of which were very specific and extreme, like a complete lack of light switches or outlets, and a small foam mattress that "didn't even cover the springs." Lou wasn't just whining in her Facebook review, Lou was firing broadsides depicting Blue Sky as a Dickensian hellhole. The Blue Sky's owner, Todd Pedersen, had some feelings about that.

This comment could have just been "look at my profile pic and guess whether I care."

You may have noticed that Todd refers to Lou and whomever she was sharing her room with as "you retards" for leaving their door open. We'll get back to that. Now, here's the thing about the Blue Sky Hostel: it's kind of a Dickensian hellhole. But, that's the appeal! It's for ages 18-35 only, it's £50 a person (still pricey, but keep in mind the subprime Olympics are happening in Glasgow right now), and aimed at kids who "want to party," according to Pedersen, which everyone worldwide knows is code for "you're on your own with drunk backpackers having sex near you." 

Pedersen's 3rd comment is the epitome of winning the battle and losing the war.

Oh, Russ and Cerilee, I miss those guys. We should all catch up.

Up until this point, I was a little bit on Pedersen's side, because complaining about a hostel is like complaining about the weather: totally fine unless you expect results, in which case you're crazy. I don't even really care who's right about the room situation. Running a hostel is one of the last jobs outside of the cable industry where treating the customers like dirt is acceptable. But the positive attention causes Pedersen to get less and less defensible as time goes on.

Todd could also use his profile pic as the description of his hostel.

At this point, onlookers are just delighted to have a mudfight to gawk at.

Sleep: not included. 

Customer service: also not included.

Bed bugs: probably not included.

Todd is dominating the bedspring discussion.

Keep digging that hole, Todd. Maybe you can build a hostel for mole people.

The battle gets worse and worse for Todd. He starts to try to be more reasonable after it's spelled out for him that he called a woman fat online, but it's way too slow and way too late.

Liz Southern needs to open a hotel called Southern Hospitality immediately.

I feel most bad for the friends of Grant who will hear about this day for years.

Gradually, Team Lou begins to claim total victory.

Nothing says luxury like "brand new PVC window."

I would eat at a restaurant with a "C" hygiene grade but a sign that read "bring it."

At this point, Todd signs off, presumably because someone called his wife Michelle in panic and explained what was happening online. Michelle appeared shortly thereafter and tried to pretend like the entire thread thus far had not truly happened.

Well, she's better than Todd, I'll give her that.

Michelle may not have been helpful, but she's less-rudely unhelpful.

Don't be a hero?! Is Michelle armed?

And before long, Michelle showed why she and Todd are a perfect couple.

Welcome to Blue Sky Hostel in Glasgow. Shut up and leave.

Only time will tell what will happen to Blue Sky (hint: it will be nothing, because it's the cheapest place in town), but Todd Pedersen has already experienced some backlash, including fake TripAdvisor reviews (TripAdvisor has since policed the page, it appears, in the wake of parody reviews inspired by this fight).

Harold Shipman is a British serial killer. He's a doctor though. Seems too clean.
(via BuzzFeed)

People were inspired to propose new books.

Todd has a little pyramid-eye thing in the tattoo on his chest. Conspiracy!(via Facebook)

People have also uncovered various articles about his past, in particular an incident where he punched a guy in the face so hard, the man fell and injured his head. 

Somehow, I'm not shocked. (via WebArchive)

He also has this on his LinkedIn.

Hey, what do you know? He shocked me.

Said Pedersen in that 2006 Glasgow Evening Times article, talking about Blue Sky and also his old assault charges:

"Blue Sky is an old-school hostel. If you can’t afford to pay for a night then you help to clean or something. I’m not going to turn people away and make them sleep on the street...The place is never going to be five-star luxury. We’re charging £8-£10 a head. I’m not here to rip people off. I could be charging much more.... [The assault] was a mistake. I was staggering down Sauchiehall Street and two junkies grabbed me and tried to rob me. In the end I had no choice but to plead guilty in court...it’s not like I’m some bank-robbing criminal who’s running a hostel.”

No, Todd. I think we can all agree you're just a regular working thug. Of all the people on the thread, maybe Dave summed it up the best:

Oh, wow. That's a much better way to call someone a fat retard.

(by Johnny McNulty)

"Look! Over there! It's a giant silo where everyone's dignity is stored!"

I am not a country boy, or a country music fan for that matter, but I enjoyed "Girl In A Country Song" by Maddie & Tae for several reasons: 1.) It's nice to see good ol' boys get spanked and made to serve lemonade and all the other not-so-good 'ol stuff that Southern belles inexplicably put up with, 2.) Ain't no one can argue against a fat man in some Osh-Koshes, and finally 3.) There were lots of pretty girls in the video. What?

Now, country music certainly isn't the only genre of music known for being patronizing or downright objectifying in its treatment of women—all of them are, unless I'm mistaken. Maybe polka is super-progressive, I don't know. But Country sure does talk about the women as if it worships them the most, which makes the non-stop Daisy Dukes and button-downs tied under the cleavage a lot more ironic.

Someone get this guy a modeling contract. His raw magnetism is a pacemaker hazard.

We'll never be equal until everyone in all music videos are wearing unbuttoned overalls. Science fiction got the fancy unisex jumpsuits wrong—denim is still the fabric of the future.

(by Johnny McNulty)

The Stella Technique® for stopping.

Stop what you're doing, because you need to watch this video of a genius dog who is in the process of revolutionizing the way we stop what we're doing:

Now, am I saying that Stella the Dog's stopping technique is perfect the way that it is? No, I am not saying that. As it is now, it's impractical to turn off all energy going to the muscles in our limbs whenever we decide to cease perambulating. That might work okay-ish for dogs, but it'd result in a lot of face-plants and broken teeth in people.

What I am saying is that this dog is at least thinking outside the box and getting at something that I think might be kind of exciting. I'd guess that in just three or four generations of R&D, Stella will have all the kinks worked out, and then we'll all be stopping like nobody's business. 

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

by Dan Wilbur

You may have heard that Paramount apologized for "inadvertently" depicting the events of September 11th on a poster for the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Here is the poster if you haven't seen it:

I would be willing to give the studio the benefit of the doubt if it weren't for the fact that this kind of advertising has been used by Hollywood for years. For some reason big studio advertisers think they can pull the wool over our eyes and we won't be able to see how they're exploiting tragedies in their promotions just to get some extra attention. Take a look:

Ummm... I guess this is some kind of Rom Com, but the title and image of the Titanic is really offensive. People died on that boat! Don't use it to promote your movie!

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Apparently they made yet another one of these Star Wars movies but they gave it the provocative name "Apollo 13" and actually show a spaceship going around a planet that looks a lot like our moon! This is grossly insensitive to the American people who are old enough to remember the harrowing details of those astronauts who risked their lives in the name of science! I mean, really.

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I don't see anything "great" about dressing like Hitler for a "Comedy." Disgusting!

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Same goes for this one. So many people died in World War 2. I don't care what your weird war movie is about when it exploits what the Greatest Generation did for us.

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Air Bud (a movie for children!) has a poster with a clear nod to the Challenger Disaster.

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Too soon!

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Ugh! JFK is barely in this movie! Just because the President is featured in the first five minutes doesn't mean you should sneak in that picture of his assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald. It's downright weird and slimy advertising trying to slip that in there!

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Extremely offensive! How did someone let this poster get made?

What he probably imagined it might feel like. (via YouTube)

If you're ever struck by the idea to eat mushrooms and go to Comic-Con, you should probably read this series of texts before doing so. Because the thought of tripping at Nerd Mecca sounded like a great idea to redditor ansomble, but quickly turned into an epic journey through the darkest corners of his mind.

Tripping in large crowds is an iffy proposition to begin with. Tripping in a sea of misfits playing dress-up sounds like recipe for a massive bummer, which is exactly what ansomble cooked up for himself.

Luckily for him, and us, he had his girlfriend to lean on, and was functioning just well enough to communicate with her through a series of text messages. 

Because he was at Comic-Con, it's hard to tell where reality ends and his tripping brain begins. Either way, when you find yourself surrounded by a group of grown-ups singing Miley Cyrus songs after you've "accidentally walked through a Pro-Palestine protest," you could be in for a long afternoon.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Anyone want to go out, grab a bite, and then walk for 12 hours afterwards?

There are at least two groups in America that really know what unhealthy food looks like, 1.) America's chain restaurants, and 2.) the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI), creators of the annual Xtreme Eating Awards, which are given to dishes "especially high in calories, fat, sugar, and salt." To settle on a winner for the award, the CSPI examined over 200 menus from America's vibrant chain restaurant industry, and they found one clear winner that was head, shoulders, and distended belly above the rest.

This burger/fries/shake combo from @RedRobinBurgers has 3,540 cal, 69 g sat fat, 6,280 mg sodium. http://t.co/UUxe72tIN8#XtremeEating

— CSPI (@CSPI) July 30, 2014

Red Robin won the Xtreme Eating Award for the "single unhealthiest" meal in the country. The deadly combo included the Peppercorn Monster Burger with a side of steak fries and a Monster Salted Caramel Milkshake. All told, the salty-sugary fatstravanganza clocked in at a healthy (for an elephant) 3,540 calories. 

@Cheesecake Factory's Bruleed French Toast with bacon = 2,780 calories = 7 hours swimming laps. http://t.co/Aiw74QNTGh#XtremeEating

— CSPI (@CSPI) July 30, 2014

Keep in mind the "average" intake for a person is 2,000 calories for an entire day, and that number is really for an average-sized American man who lives a not-totally-unhealthy lifestyle. Most people should be eating less than that (because nobody exercises). A CSPI spokesperson noted that it would require about 12 hours of brisk walking to burn off a Monster Burger. So, that Red Robin meal is two days' worth of food in terms of what most people might actually be able to eat without getting fatter, and we haven't even discussed the ingredients, which can be best described as a greasy spectrum of meat products, cheese products, starch and sugar. 

You'd have to mow the lawn for 7 hours to burn off the 2,770 calories in this meal from @Famous_Dave's. http://t.co/GeoTnv4Jvg#XtremeEating

— CSPI (@CSPI) July 30, 2014

There were some runners-up, of course. There's hardly just one unhealthy meal in America. According to USA Today, the Cheesecake Factory led the field in total number of horribly-unhealthy meals, with their Bruléed French Toast topping out at 2780 calories, their Farfalle with Chicken and Roasted Garlic packing an impressive 2,410 calories, and finally the Reese's Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake Cheesecake, which comes out to a mouthwatering 1,500 calories.

You'd have to bike for 5 hrs to burn off the 2,160 calories in this, from BJ's. http://t.co/NVO7uLipy8#XtremeEatinghttp://t.co/9cjcOdiWEE

— CSPI (@CSPI) July 30, 2014

Actually, that cheesecake sounds a lot better than experiencing my 80s. I'll be right back.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Whew, axed body spray is so hard to get out of the interior!

This morning in Massachusetts an adventurous axe slipped the surly bonds of a landscaper's truck and almost touched the face of a passenger in the trailing car. Thankfully no one was injured.

Massachusetts State Police posted a photo of the almost-grisly incident to Facebook and didn’t miss out on the opportunity to turn it into a Teachable Moment™ about speeding:

The man whose car was struck was obeying the speed limit, driving about 65 mph. If he had been speeding, the increased velocity of his car would have increased the power of the axe's impact, meaning it could very well have gone through the glass and injured his passenger.

Just a little bit faster and the interior of his car would have been covered with the interior of his passenger! They also reminded everyone to keep their murder tools and other knick knacks securely stowed so tailgaters aren't immediately punished by death (even though they should be).

Police slapped the driver of the axe truck (Axe Truck! Coming this Fall to SyFy!) with a $200 fine for failing to secure cargo and everyone presumably went on their way to their FINAL DESTINATION.

(by Jake Currie)

The "Extremely Reckless Caveman Diet."

Forget the Weber or a cut-out oil drum. Forget the coal vs wood vs gas debate. If you want to be the ultimate artisanal grillmaster this summer, you need lava.

All you need:

1. A source of lava.

2. A simple way to control the flow of lava.

3. Ice blocks cut into a flue, leading into a bed of dry ice.

4. A metal grill.

5. Some steaks and veggies!

It's that easy!

(by Johnny McNulty)

James Hetfield rocks out on a Truckster Labella ajuthiae. 

For centuries now, there has been one question that has vexed humanity more than any other, before it or since: What if instead of creating music via a selection of instruments designed to manipulate a diatonic scale of pitched noises, we did it with enormous gastropods? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to say that in this illuminated age of modern technology, we can finally imagine what such a world might be like.

Now, bear in mind that all of these images are the product of digital manipulation, created by researchers at the Slug Solos blog. We're still almost certainly decades away actually being able to play "Stairway to Heaven" on an oversized mollusk. But with these computer-generated renderings, we can perchance to dream:

B.B. King exudes the blues on a Gibson Quoya indica.

Carlos Santana is really feeling this Fender Peronia anomala.

Prince is said to prefer the dulcet tones of the Ibanez Onchidina semper.

Bruce Springsteen with his trusty Rickenbacker Paraperonia madagascariensis.

Lots more Slug Solos images over on the Tumblr.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

"Like a roadmap?"

This is Janet Silverman.

Janet is one of five women in America who has never been sent a dick pick. To cure her extreme case of fomo, she sat down to film a video of herself looking at 89 pics o' dicks, all in succession. Breathe through your nose, Janet.

Fortunately, we don't have to see what she's seeing, but she does a damn good job of describing... 

"Big round lollipop dick."

"It's like, 'Bleogh.... I'm so tired.'" 

"Curve!"

"It's going all the way back to his body."

Kind of like a dementor.

Yikes!

Here's the whole video!

Men, please note her general lack of arousal. Something to think about when sending out your peen selfie: women are all about details. As Janet, former novice, now expert, notes, "Women are trying to put together the clues about you... the man behind the dick."

Although, in some cases it seemed like it could be about the man beside the dick, or in front. She saw a lot of strange dicks. 

"There's some butthole!"

(by Myka Fox)

Crying? Sleepy? Either way, Bieber's a dick. (Via)

These dreamboats won't stop beefing!

After last night's swing-and-a-miss Ibiza fistfight between willowy heartthrobs Justin Bieber and Orlando Bloom, Bieber decided to shake Legolas's quiver by posting (then quickly deleting) this pic of what one could guess is Orlando Bloom weeping. You know, like crybabies do? "Wittle crybaby," is Justin's point here. Except Orlando just looks tired or like he has something in his eye, but Justin could only Google image search for so long before he had to go pee off a balcony.

Justin had already taunted his attempted assailant earlier on the 'Gram, posting a pic of Bloom's ex-wife, Miranda Kerr (and also quickly deleting it), implying that rumors of Bieber being involved with Kerr are true. 

Did we learn nothing from Biggie and Pac? This shit has got to stop! Before someone's follower count gets hurt.

(by Bob Powers)

Previously: Orlando Bloom, your new hero, threw a punch at Justin Bieber last night.

1. House Of Representatives Votes To Sue Barack Obama For Not Being A Republican President

The GOP-controlled U.S. House of Representatives voted 225 to 201 yesterday to grant Speaker John Boehner the authority to sue Barack Obama for a number of things, chief among them being the President's decision to hold off on implementing the Affordable Care Act’s employer mandate for a few years, a measure which they were hoping to delay themselves.

BREAKING: House GOP votes to sue Obama for doing something they wanted him to do, Irony sues House Republicans for copyright infringement

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) July 30, 2014

2. George Bush Writing Book About George Bush — Not An Autobiography

Former President George Bush is taking a break from painting self-portraits of former President George Bush's feet to pen a book about former President George Bush's influence upon former President George Bush. In this case, however, the author of the biography is 43rd President George W. Bush and the subject is his father, 41st President George H.W. Bush.

I'd pay a thousand dollars a day for a George Bush webcam.

— Aaron Blitzstein (@BlitznBeans) April 29, 2014

3. Elderly Virgin Who Lives Alone Inside A Massive Castle Has Happiness Advice For The Everyman

Pope Francis is offering the people of the world a list of his own personal helpful hints for how to be happy in this lifetime. Among them are 'live and let live,' 'don't be negative and 'respect nature.' Not on the list: 'lots of great sex.'

The Pope is one of the most powerful people in the world but we praise him for coming to the same conclusions a fifth grader should come to

— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) July 14, 2014

4. Throngs Of 'Sharknado 2' Viewers Just Can't Understand Why Anyone Would Make A Movie This Bad

Denizens of the Internet had an amazing time last night sharing their indignation and scorn for the purposefully terrible Sharknado 2: The Next One, wondering to one another what kind of idiots this film was made for.

Sorry but the best thing about Sharknado will always be when my fiancee asked, "Why is everyone on Facebook talking about Shark-na-doo?"

— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) July 31, 2014

5. Christopher Nolan Reveals New Footage From His Latest Epic Sci-Fi Movie That Will Kind Of Make Sense

Ever since the newest trailer for Christopher Nolan's upcoming movie Interstellar was shown to a select few at Comic-Con last week to rave reviews, the Internet has been abuzz with speculation about what the two-and-a-half minutes could entail. Finally, that mind-blowing, transcendent footage is available online. And it looks pretty okay:

Interstellar (2014): Earth's population pretends the planet is dying in order to get Anne Hathaway to leave the solar system

— andy levy (@andylevy) May 16, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Jonah Jonah bo-Bonah, banana fana fo Fonah.

Jonah Hill was a guest on the Graham Norton Show recently sitting next to Julie Andrews, and the subject appeared to be "fun with words." It's tough enough being entertaining on a talk show under normal conditions, but when you're asked to tell a wordplay story after Mary Poppins just dropped a backwards "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," it better be a good one.

Fortunately for Jonah Hill, he has a pretty sweet one involving Morgan Freeman, awkward silence, and the Name Game. 

That's pretty awkward. But considering it's a story about sitting in a car with an 80-year-old who says "do me," it could've been a lot worse.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Holster that thing.

The newspaper police crime blotter is like a way more interesting version of Facebook. It strips away the announcements about your friends' toddlers and all the screeds from your uncle about Gaza, and only presents the most unsavory behavior of your neighbors. It's all the goings on in your hood that made someone call the cops.

The police blotter always delivers, and sometimes, as in the item about one man from Northhampton, MA, it can be the best thing you'll read all day:

From the Daily Hampshire Gazette:

About 4:30 p.m. Monday, police responded to a report of a man on North Maple Street with a gun. Police found the man who told them the only “guns” he had were his biceps, which he then flexed for officers. Police searched the man’s residence and found no weapons apart from a toy water gun.

Bravo, sir. 

The man reportedly appeared intoxicated, but based on this incident it sounds like he's a fun drunk. Det. Lt. Alan Borowski told Boston.com, “For 53, he’s all right," he said of the suspect's shirt-sleeve arsenal. “But he was probably bigger back in the day.”

Here's some more police blotter gold.

(by Bob Powers)

Topless without a webcam? This woman is a pioneer!

Hey kids! Did you know that VHS (short for Video Home System, a consumer-level analog recording videotape-based cassette) existed during the time of the internet? Gross, right?

Well, the guys at Found Footage Fest uncovered a 1997 VHS instructional video on how to cybersex (on the Internet). I'm pretty sure the background music was stolen directly from an episode of Saved By the Bell, but by the end you are guaranteed to be an expert at one-handed typing.

So was that a Beverly Hills 90210 Brenda Walsh fanfic porn or an Instructional Video? That's up to you!

But be careful...

...More than one "s" means you're cybering with a 13-year-old girl.

(by Myka Fox)