“The only cure for a real hangover is death.”
― Robert Benchley
If you can't cure your hangover with the sweet release of death, at least you can help ease it with laughter. These memes hilariously nail the agony and regret of a night spent partying way too hard.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
Age gap love isn't always insidious. There are definitely times when an older man or woman genuinely cares for their younger partner in a way that's not peppered with manipulation or power imbalances.
Nonetheless, it's still reasonable to feel suspicious when a man is dating a woman half his age who just entered adulthood. There is a pretty grim historical track record of older men preying on young women in relationships and while it doesn't apply across the board, it's still a trend.
AITA for asking a 47 year old man who is dating my 22 year old niece some pointed questions that made him “uncomfortable”?
He's known her since she was a 4-years-old, and met her briefly before her dad walked out.
Using a throwaway. Some context; I live in CA, and my wife’s niece wanted to come visit us for a few weeks. She’s 22, I’ve known her since she was 4. Her dad walked out on her family when she was 8. She’s very sheltered by her mother. Anyway, I told my wife it was fine with me if she visits. She’s a good kid, and our 5 year old son loves his cousin and really wanted to see her.
For context, OP is only 41 and his wife is 42.
But then my wife goes, “And she (the niece) wants to bring her bf.....he’s 47.”
I’m 41, my wife is 42. I was like “You’re kidding, right?”
She wasn’t kidding. At first, I was like “Hell no.” But after about a week of talking, I gave in....with one caveat. I told my wife that if this dude is staying in our house, I’m going to ask some questions he might not like. She wanted to know what kind of questions, and I gave her some.
How did you guys meet and who made the first move? (If the dude made the first move, it’s weird).
Has the dude been married, does he have kids?
Why are you (the dude) dating such a young woman?
Are you (the dude) aware of the young woman’s history with her father?
What’s the end game here? A serious relationship, marriage? Have you (the dude) discussed what will happen if the young woman gets pregnant?
I know, I’m not the girl’s father, but no one else in her family is asking these questions. Her mother is fine with the relationship (which boggles my mind).
So, fast forward to the visit. Niece and old dude show up. I’m cordial. I wait till evening, after everything is settled and dinner is over, and I invite the dude to join me on the porch for a beer. Just me and him. Then I start asking my questions.
After only my second question, the guy starts getting defensive. He told me this is “None of my business.” I got a little pissed at that.
When the man claimed he was uncomfortable, OP claimed these questions shouldn't be uncomfortable if the man is legitimate.
I told him he’s staying in my home for a week, I can ask him a few questions. And the girl is my niece, I’m not out of bounds here. He told me I was making him “uncomfortable”. I replied that I’m uncomfortable having a dude who’s clearly taking advantage of a young girl stay in my home. I said You can answer my questions and act like you’re a stand-up guy, or feel free to hit the f*cking road.
Well, he left. My wife and niece were upset with me. They said I acted like a jerk and that if my niece is happy, to let it go. Again, I was told it’s none of my business. They have since broken up, which I am glad about. Not sure if my actions were the cause.
So am I an a*shole for questioning this guy?
EDIT: some info:
I asked my questions in the order written, and only asked him the first two before he got “uncomfortable”.
I would certainly do the same thing with any older woman my son brought home.
When I took the old dude outside for a beer, I neglected to mention we had 5-10 mins of talk. We discussed the new Star Wars movies of all things.
I would love to discuss more with some of you, but I was a bit hot-headed and appropriately banned for 5 days. So it goes.
Edit 2: Some of you here asked what’s up with my wife and her sister. Her side of the family suffer from innocent naivety and just assuming everyone they meet is a good person. They’re wonderful people who need an a*shole like me to keep them centered.
You’re absolutely right. I was very naive and married a man 17 years older than me when I was 22. He was looking for someone easy to manipulate, help raise his kids, agree with everything he thought and said. I wasn’t making much money and “didn’t have a say” in most decisions.
I found a job that paid way more than he thought I’d ever make without a degree. Suddenly, I was making enough to where I could afford to go back and finish school. That’s when he lost his shit. He was saying we couldn’t afford my classes or childcare, that I must be cheating on him, basically anything he could think of to stop me from naturally progressing in life.
He wanted a “yes” girl and hated me when I started growing up and standing up for myself. Now that I’m in my late 30’s, I cringe when I think about it. His motives were so gross.
NTA, a 25 year age gap seems a bit weird anyway, and the fact he got 'uncomfortable' being asked simple questions about the relationship makes it seem like he was taking advantage of your niece and didn't like being called out on it
"Ever had a wife? Got kids?" "YOU'RE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE!"
Maybe someone should let his wife know he's not on a business trip.
The first 2 questions were reasonable enough too so if he bugged out at that then something's definitely off.
NTA OP man I'm glad you stood up even if you're getting shit on for it. Hopefully one day she'll understand why you did it.
YTA. Not because I think your assessment is wrong, or because I wouldn't have the same questions, but because you should have talked to the niece about it first. Acting like you were cool with having him stay and then springing an interrogation on someone she invited, without letting her know that was a condition of him being a guest in your home, was unnecessarily rude, and I'm sure it embarrassed the hell out of her. I totally support you pushing back on this relationship, but she is an adult, if a young one, and she deserved to be treated like an active agent in this situation.
** Edited to add that I would have said "everyone sucks here" if the only people in the consideration were you and Creepy Boyfriend, but I didn't want to loop the niece and wife into it.
YTA, but I would probably do the same thing.
NTA. Odds are in your favor that he's there for the wrong reasons. You would be justified in having questions and given the circumstance, you were justified for asking them. They agreed to let you do it, and a 47 year old man should be able to answer them without getting uncomfortable.
Further, your questions are totally reasonable in even a normal relationship.
Given how the boyfriend reacted to OP's questions - and the immediate breakup, it seems clear his intentions weren't pure. However, breakups are the pits regardless of how bad the partner is. Hopefully, this doesn't affect OP's relationship with his niece in the long-term.
If this Halloween felt like it was one thousand years long, you are not alone—and Halloween isn't over yet! Like Coachella, this year's Halloween is extending for a second weekend, and there's pressure to keep up your fun vibe with yet another costume.
If you're lying on your bed wearing a damp towel, looking at your phone, and you need something to entertain you as you attempt to will yourself to get dressed, we recommend these tweets.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
Whoever came up with the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" must have never been on the receiving end of a savage comeback. Because when used correctly, words can do a lifetime of damage.
1.) From andrewhoohaa:
I went to catholic high school and had to wear a belt every day as part of the uniform. One day I had forgotten the belt, and the vice principal, who was a very fat man had caught me. He said, “Excuse me young man, I can’t see your belt.” I stopped in my tracks and said “Yeah? I can’t see yours either.’ I was on the receiving end of 5 days detention for that one.
2.) From Born2dodishes:
I was at Target once with my then-roommate and I was buying some Nair for some personal... grooming. When checking out, my roommate made sure to say right in front of the female cashier, "Dude! Why are you buying NAIR?" I responded, "So you don't get hair in your mouth." That shut him up.
3.) From BrotherOfMercy:
Not me, but I was there for it.
Doing early document research way down in the basement of a biglaw firm. Working on a med mal defense. This case involved where a guy went into an urgent care complaining about frequent urination, doctor ran a few tests, prescribed him some medication for BPH and let him go. Eventually goes to another Dr (I think it was like a year later). He has prostate cancer and it's spread, by this stage it's inoperable. 95% of the time these cases are just grieving families channeling their anger inappropriately.
Anyway, going through docs with me and 2 colleagues, let's call them Brad and Amy. Amy looks at some report and is like "Yeah, our doctor is in the wrong here. This blood test has a normal range of x-y. His is z. This should have lead to follow-up. He probably would have lived if they caught it then". Brad looks at her and says in just about the most condescending voice possible "And where did you go to medical school?". Amy answers "Yale".
Turns out, Amy had done her med school and left during her second year of rotations, deciding that being a Dr wasn't for her. She decided to enroll in law school.
4.) From Bruzman101:
Working retail and an hour long barrage of anger from a customer lead to me filling out a return form while he leant over me aggressively telling me how he would end me end my career end the business before I snapped stood up pointed at his address on the invoice and said "the difference between you and me is I know where YOU live."
He grabbed his form and bolted.
Still know that fuckers address near 8 years later
5.) From Nagsheadlocal:
"Do you know who my father is?"
"No, didn't your mother tell you?"
6.) From Rygard-:
So one Thanksgiving we were eating dinner at my BF’s parent’s house. BF’s deadbeat cousin was there and kept going on and on about how the family dog recognized him the moment she smelled him (she’s blind). My BF’s sweet old grandpa was sitting beside me and leaned over to whisper, “it’s hard to forget what shit smells like.”
7.) From BurghFinsFan:
My sister got me good once when I was about 19. My job then was newspaper delivery. I went into a room and saw my dog sound asleep on the couch and I went, "Tough life, huh? All you do is eat, sleep and shit".
My sister responds from the other room, "That's all you do too except you have a paper route".
I couldn't even think of a response.
8.) From biffgrimes:
“Do you have to be overweight to work here?”
“Why? Are you looking for a job?”
9.) From Quixotic_87:
Middle school, peeing at the urinal. I was at the corner urinal slightly angled toward the wall because why not? I was an awkward middle schooler.
Kid walks in: “What’s the matter, don’t wanna show off your pee pee?”
Me, instantly: “You’re right, it would be showing off.”
I was so proud.
10.) From rongywrongerson:
Somebody at work said something like “I’ll show/give you six inches” and I immediately responded “I don’t need to see your dick six times”
11.) From Charley-Foxtrot:
I have great renewable success with “ I can live with that “ it fit most things and is usually unexpected.
12.) From jpterodactyl:
When I worked at starbucks, there was someone who spilled a bunch off coffee and was trying to clean it herself. My coworker walks up to clean it for real.
Coffee Spiller: "It's okay, I got it. I'm a waitress, I do this all the time"
Coworker: "You spill coffee all the time?"
He was trying to make a joke, but she just looked at him with a blank expression and walked away.
13.) From Yeeeuup:
I played High School football one year, and after a scrimmage one of my team mates looked at me and said "Hey, anybody ever told you, you suck at football?" and without thinking I replied "Nobody that matters."
He was a bully, but to be fair I really did suck at football.
14.) From chibimermaid6:
I was waiting tables out of high school and wasn't very outspoken to strangers. I had a table of four dudes, pretty loud, joking around, etc. I think myself funny but again, this was before I was more outgoing. They got the salad bar and after they sat down with the plates from it, I asked if they found everything OK. One guy says, no, where are the women at? I said without even thinking, they saw you coming and ran off. The whole table busted up and I got a great tip.
15.) From JEJoll:
Was in the Army. A master corporal of mine overheard a sex story I was telling. He said, "your sister doesn't count". I said, "no, but yours does".
He laughed. I did drill for an extra hour.
16.) From SoulSerpent:
When I was working in retail, my manager, who was a bigger fellow, and I used to talk shit to each other for fun.
One day he was congratulating himself for being such a good shit talker and he said something like "I'm the king of throwing shade. I throw mad shade." To which I replied "You do cast a wide shadow."
17.) From TheOriginalJunglist:
Because I'm ginger and somebody thought they had an easy target for a cheap laugh on the school bus in front of everyone.
Bully: Oi, you, do you have ginger pubes?
Me: nah mate, did, but they're all stuck in your mums teeth
Never got picked on after that one
18.) From MrLetum:
Hanging out with friends, throwing crap at eachother.
My wife: "No not my face it's my money maker!"
Me: "No wonder were always broke"
She found it as hilarious as I did.
19.) From snacksandsquats:
I was at the gym about 6 months ago and this guy I went to high school with approached me. He graduated a year ahead of me and opened with "SnackandSquats?!" I stare back at him uncomfortably. .. I recognize him but don't remember his name. "I thought that was you. You used to be so weird, everyone thought you were so weird." "...yeah, probably" /he starts telling a story about casually bullying me, the good old days, sweet memories, ect. and then finishes it with "But you look SO great now. I have always thought you were beautiful... what do you think about me?"
"I don't think about you."
He stared at me, and I continued to stare at him until he finally walked away
20.) From AnusEinstein:
"Do you realize you always answer a question with a question?"
Without even thinking, "Does that bother you?"
21.) From Everything80sFan:
"Hi, my name's Jimmy."
"Nice to meet you James, my name is Richard."
"Nice to meet you too, Dick."
22.) From TheIconoclastic:
Girl with a tape recorder and microphone outside a strip mall near the New Year.
"Hi I am taking a poll on New Years resolutions"
Me
"Yeah its to not talk to strangers" as I walked right passed her.
I looked back and she was laughing.
23.) From Dixie745:
Was over at a friends house in jr high and his dad was making jokes about me having a small dick for some reason but I just paid it no mind even though it bugged be. Couple hours pass and he comes in the room again and says something like “Dixie745 you find your peen yet?” Before I could stop myself I blurted out “yeah it was in your wife’s mouth.” Needless to say I was asked to leave that day. haha Honesty though wtf what he expecting?
24.) From DrWhoisOverRated:
I used to work with this guy who would always bring up the fact that his dad walked out on his family. There could be two people having a conversation on the other side of the room, and he'd hear one of them say the word dad and he'd interject with something like "Must be nice to have a dad, I wouldn't know. My dad left us when I was six and we haven't seen him since."
This guy was also just a generally unlikable person and kind of antagonistic towards everyone and everything, so he didn't generate much sympathy with these antics.
One day I told him to do something and we had this exchange:
"You're not my dad."
"If I were your dad, I would have walked out on you too."
25.) From TabascohFiascoh:
I bullshitted my way through an HTML course in college. Our final project was making a website for a company. Mine was a coffee company and it was perfectly functional but TRASH. It was ugly, all the colors clashed, it kinda did actually hurt your eyes if you looked at it for too long. The text was colored all fucked up and nearly blended with the background so you had to reaaaallly try to read it. It was really bad. BUT FUNCTIONALLY PERFECT, which was the point.
So as we were presenting, my instructor pointed out every visual flaw, she just reamed it, she said it was the ugliest site she had ever graded and I was lucky I wasn't graded on how visually displeasing it was.
I made an effort to sound professional as I explained: "My site caters to a younger crowd, you are not my target demographic, thank you for your input though". It was probably as legend as I'll ever be. She was probably like 35-40 years old or something. Got a 100% tho.
26.) From Skywalker_The_Cat:
I was waiting in line at a bar for drinks when this massive jock dude tried to cut in front of me. I am 5' 7", 145 pounds, and he was at lest a half foot taller and out weighed me by 80 pounds. When I call him out he went off on me calling me a little bitch and a pussy. In my drunken confident state I said to him, " I'm standing up to a guy twice my size and you're picking a dude half your side. Who's the real pussy in this situation." He stood just stood there and stared daggers into me. He eventually said that when I leave "I better watch my back."
27.) From aquintana:
Back when I was a smoker I went to a gas station late at night to buy a pack. It was late so instead of going inside you had to order at this little walk up window. When the attendant slid my cigs under the slot and I grabbed them the kid behind me goes, “don’t you know smoking can kill you?” And I said “yeah, so can talking to strangers.”
28.) From ReadTomRobbins:
Friend of mine used to be homophobic. We just arrived at a bar and he makes a joke about this not being a date. He follows up with, "You gonna pull out my chair for me?" I came back instantly with, "No, but I'll push in your stool." The entire group died laughing. I have never topped it and it's still an inside joke for the group.
29.) From Zaron3d:
Someone cracked on my mom once and I said "Your mom has her clit pierced with a boat anchor", and now I'm the undisputed reigning champ of "Your Mama" jokes in my friend circle.
Alcohol is a poison that inhibits our judgment, poisons our liver and gut, dehydrates us, and rapidly ages us, and yet, we keep drinking it because it provides endless stories. It'd be easier to take our long-term health into consideration and abstain from the Devil's drink if it didn't make everyone seem infinitely more interesting and attractive.
While most hungover mornings serve as a stark reminder of just how much damage we did to our bodies, there are times when the hangover comes with a story or drunk mistake for the ages.
When it's not serving as an endless cycle of news-fueled despair, Twitter is a fantastic place to empathize with others who went out and got too sloshed. For every hungover moment of 20/20 hindsight, there are others in the digital abyss who can relate and laugh along.
To kick off the weekend I have gathered 23 examples of people who drank so much their drunk alter-ego took the wheel.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
If you've ever wanted to turn back time, you will have your chance this weekend. Thanks to the end of Daylight Saving Time we'll get an extra hour of darkness to gently ease us into our yearly seasonal depression. Let these hilarious memes serve as a reminder to turn your clocks back this Sunday, even though your clocks probably all change themselves.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
If you could use a laugh this morning, here are 26 of them. I've scoured the internet searching for funny memes so you don't have to. You can thank me later.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
28.
If you know anything about Ryan Reynolds - besides him being Blake Lively's husband and the owner of Aviation Gin - then you know he loves trolling. Ryan's never made a friend he wouldn't lovingly mess with, and Robert Downey Jr. is no exception. The two stars are competing in a fantasy football league for charity and their rivalry came to a head yesterday on Instagram.
The 'Iron Man' actor taunted Ryan in a post, saying, 'I’m not a smack talker. I’m not gonna say, "Ryan eat my pigskin" or any of that stuff. Honestly, I’m praying for ya. I wish you the best of luck. We’ll see ya on the field my brother. We’re all in this together.' So far, so good. But he signed off with 'Eat me.'
In response, Ryan rose to the challenge - and took it literally. He (had) made and ate a cookie with Robert's face on it. It's not the first time Ryan's publicly trolled a friend, but it might be one of the most memorable ones.
Oh, Ryan. We excitedly anticipate the next time you take things too far for a good cause - especially if that cause is making fun of another famous actor.
In 2019, white people should know better than to wear someone else's culture as a costume - on Halloween or otherwise. It's not a complicated principle, but it keeps tripping us up for some reason. Could that reason be systemic racism? Probably!
One commenter criticized Normani for the *opposite* reason recently, claiming that as a black woman she shouldn't have dressed as Cher for Halloween.
Yeah, I know - it's nonsensical. But as luck would have it, Hailey Bieber spotted this comment and responded in true Baldwin fashion. Ok, maybe she she didn't swear or scream (ALL CAPS) at any point, but I'm attributing that to her newfound Christianity.
Sorry, Marta, but you got schooled. Mrs. Bieber got you in her cross hairs and delivered an education for the ages. Now that that's settled, let's focus on Normani SLAYING this interpretation of 1970s Cher glamour.
Run me over with a truck, please.
Simply stunning.
"There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed."
-George Burns
There's nothing wrong with laughing at these naughty memes. Just make sure you're not at work, church, or a children's birthday party when you do it.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
Another day, another dispiriting development from inside Trump's White House. Halloween is a BIG day for kids - finally, adults encourage them to run around in costume and eat candy - so the White House recognizes it with celebratory events.
Trump threw a party commemorating the spookiest holiday, but it's incited controversy (surprise!) thanks to one activity. Yahoo! News reports that children were told to help 'Build the Wall' of paper bricks featuring their names.
Yikes! Although many attendees were members of Trump's actual administration, some guests were not pleased. 'Horrified. We were horrified,' said one anonymous guest.
The Internet is similarly disgusted.
Note to Trump: next year, stick to candy and costumes and leave the tricks to actual children.
Well! This is an adorable and necessary palette cleanser to nightmarish online dating stories, of which we've publishedmany. An English woman named Tilly matched with a man on Tinder whose creative attempt to woo her has gone viral - and for good reason.
He made a Twitter account called tortellinis for tilly and livetweeted the process of making pasta - from scratch! - for his (theoretical) beloved. Truly, get you a man who knows his way around pasta dough and isn't afraid to broadcast it.
My honest takeaway? Tilly, delete your Tinder account permanently and stay with this man forever. It doesn't get better than his willingness to make pasta, trust me. Twitter agreed.
I hope Tilly and this intriguing man share lots of carb-centric meals in the future!
Is it ever okay to dump a friend because they don't want to be in your wedding?
That's the question being debated on Reddit, where a woman asked if she was in the wrong for distancing herself from a friend who declined to act as her bridesmaid.
She and her friend knew each other since high school and had "totally different personalities, but accepted each other" anyway, she wrote. She was a bridesmaid in the friend's wedding, and feels she went above and beyond:
I did everything for her - shopped with her, made her invitations, helped run the day smoothly, drove her home at the end of the night when everyone else abandoned them, listened to her problems with in-laws, etc.
Then when it was her turn to get married, the friend happened to be pregnant:
When it came to my wedding, she was pregnant at the time and really didn't want to be a bridesmaid. She probably would have been 6 months pregnant on the wedding day, I can't remember anymore. I understood, but was still hurt.
The rejection especially stung because of how much effort she'd put into the friend's wedding:
I started thinking of all the times when I had gone above and beyond for her, but I never really felt like she did the same for me, and that she only contacted me when she needed me for something. To be fair, she did help me a bit with my wedding, such as suggesting some vendors.
The wedding came and went, and the friendship is effectively over:
I gradually let our friendship drift apart, by not attending her first child's birthday, and she stopped inviting me. We still see each other at mutual friends' events, but don't keep in contact much anymore.
Was this a petty thing to let a friendship drift apart for?
The bride added in another comment that she thinks the friend's rejection might have been motivated by vanity:
She kept trying to convince me that it was for my sake. But my (then) fiance pointed out that she likes to look pretty, and didn't want the spotlight on her looking pregnant (I'm not saying she wouldn't still be beautiful even when pregnant).
"As people grow older and change themselves, they outgrow and drift apart from people they used to be close with," Gumgums66 wrote.
But k2dadub opined that ending a friendship over this was petty, saying, "[You're the a-hole], as a wedding is just one day, and a friendship should not be discarded because someone did not perform on one day."
And jimmyjrdanceparty took a middle-of-the-road stance, saying the bride could've been more sympathetic to her pregnant friend — but it sounds like they were drifting apart anyway:
If it were just because of the wedding then I'd give it a gentle Y T A because pregnancy is a bitch and I can understand not wanting to deal with pregnancy and being a bridesmaid, but it sounds like you feel undervalued in the friendship in general. Without knowing her side of things I'm going to go with NAH because you are completely within your rights to distance yourself from a friendship you feel is unbalanced.
And MightyMary007 also came down on the "you're an a-hole" side, pointing out that being pregnant is a lot more of a mind-f*ck than planning a wedding.
Being a bridesmaid is hard work and not a pregnant-friendly duty. Also, pregnant bridesmaids can be a huge pain in the ass. I was in a party with one lady who was around six months and she felt too crappy to do anything. I was in with another woman in her first trimester and she was too morning sick and moody to be useful or fun.
You axed a friendship over a perfectly reasonable invitation decline just as your friend welcomed a child. It's one thing if you needed a break or some space but dumping her over that is just shitty.
They also pointed out that a lot of the other reasons the bride gave for dumping the friend amounted to conjecture and speculation.
Now if this really was just the catalyst after a long pattern of bad then fine. But you admitted yourself that you didn't think of other reasons until after the fact. So in other words, you were mad and wanted reasons to bolster your decision on this incident, rather than the other way around.
And it seems like the one thing we can all agree on is that being a bridesmaid requires a lot of work.
Insomnia has many causes: anxiety, acid reflux, asthma. And, of course, childhood embarrassing moments coming back to haunt you at night.
We all have one or two embarrassing moments that are so profound, they keep us awake at night. The people of Reddit recently convened to share a few, and they're doozies.
I was at a new school and had just made my first friend. She was showing me around and we were walking down the hallway. I grabbed her hand. This was a normal thing to do among my old friend group. We all held hands all the time. It was NOT the norm at this school. Really weirded her out. Many, many others as well. But that’s the one that came to mind first. - MusicalMelfree15
One time when I was 16 I went on a ride along with my local police department. They got a call from a woman who spoke only Spanish to come to her apartment building because her neighbors were being jackasses and harassing her. So we go up to her apartment to ask her what had happened. And she is crying extremely hard and trying her best to explain the situation in broken English. So my dumbass thinks “I got an A in Spanish this year, I bet I could understand what she is saying and help the situation”. So I tell the police officer that I could translate what she is saying. So she is speaking through tears and is basically incoherent (not that I could have understood what she was saying if she was not upset), and after she is finished the officer looks at me ready for my response and what do i say? “Yeah, she’s really upset.” The way that the officer looked at me will be forever seared into my brain. I am a dumbass. - lame_user_name
You just reminded me of the time when my teacher walked towards me, smiled and said, “how are you?” There was silence for a moment, so I naturally assumed she was talking to me and said, “not too bad—“
“Good thanks, you?” replied her trainee teacher, who had been standing behind me. - _cosmicomics_
I was VERY young. Like 4?
My whole family went to a doctors visit. My brother was like 8 at the time and had to pull down his pants. When it was my turn the doctor called me over. I walked up to him and pulled down my pants too. My parents and him laughed so loud. All he needed was to check my ears. - SunnyH2O
I recently started at a fancy ass school. The principal asked me how many people went to my old school - 650. I thought about sounding cool enough and said 'Six and a half hundred'. - allyschup
I currently live in an apartment complex on campus at my university, so it’s only college aged people who live here. I randomly met a kid when I was drunk last weekend who I remember seemed like he didn’t have a lot of friends, so I struck up a convo with him and it came out he lived in the same apartment complex. I gave him my number and the following weekend he asked me if he could borrow my laundry key so I said yes come to my room. He shows up to my door and he says “thanks man sorry I have no idea where mine went, I appreciate it though if you want I can get us some beer to pay you back?” I replied “oh no it’s all good man it’s no inconvenience to me if you use my card, just bring it back when you’re done”. I didn’t realize until a couple days later that he probably just wanted a friend and feels like I shot down his offer of hanging out. I suck - spencerbro
I recently started a new job, and I'm basically the only guy in my section of the office. My fiancee and I's puppy recently got kennel cough, and so I asked if my direct supervisor would mind if I just finished the day from home. The ladies i work with, all my age, go "awwww, what kind of puppy do you have??"
And for some inexplicable fucking reason, I said "Yorkie-" he's a french bulldog. So, I immediately panicked and was like "oh my gosh, I have no idea why I just said that, hes a frenchie, haha," and at this point they're all kind of staring at me. And I was super uncomfortable, and I went "my mom's yorkie recently died," and laughed commiseratingly, as if that explained my mistake. And one of them goes "are you laughing because your moms dog died, or...?"
So anyway, now I'm the weird new guy who lies about random dumb stuff for no reason, and thinks dead animals are funny... sigh - Eltotsira
Past summer I was a plus one at a wedding there was an older woman going WILD on the dance floor I said " wow someone get that lady a pole" bride was right behind me and said "that's my mother" then walked away
I still feel bad but.... you really should have seen her go - AyaOshba1
I sent a song to my friend over 2 years ago that I knew they would love. And they did! They enthusiastically shared how awesome this song was! And thanked me.
For some ungodly reason, 2 years later, I realize that it was in fact this friend who had shared the song with me only a month prior to that.
I died a little bit more on the inside last night. - Somebodytomorrow
Omg yes! This was years ago at a consignment shop I used to own. Long cold day at the shop, I often worked alone and it was very physical. The building was from the 1800's. So a customer's kid came up and told me that there was a big dead bug in the display window. I immediately said, " Why don't you pick it up and eat it?". I then proceeded to laugh like a lunatic uncontrollably. I still have no idea why I said it and still often laugh to myself when I think about it. - gigititi
The hottest guy in class asked me for some gum. I was searching In my bag and passed a tampon and thought wouldn’t that be funny if I gave him one on accident. Then to my horror as I went to give him the gum in my hand was the fucking tampon he just looked and me and said no thanks. I feel like a lil troll came and switched the gum cuz I still to this day 20 years later know I grabbed the gum. - justreading31
I was little , i'm not living in a english speaking country, i told to a friend's dad «hello baby» thinking it meaned just hello, not big deal at all but steel remember and feeling dumb - frrugbyplayer
First year in high school, it was 2012 and I was big into memes but like troll face memes. So I was trying to impress my new friends before French class, we heard that there was going to be a sub for the class so we naturally thought we could do basically nothing that class and just mess around. So my big brain said to my body. It's time to do a robot dance and say "Troll mode activated" and try my best to do the troll face.... nobody laughed. Nobody even smiled. It haunts me - dnasloth1
Thank goodness mornings come only once a day. I couldn't handle the pain of another alarm clock ring. If you hate the daylight hours as much as I do, you will love these hilarious and utterly random memes. They are the perfect distraction from the agony of another day spent away from your precious bed.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
Remember "Kidz Bop?" the nightmare of children's voices singing clean versions of Top 40 pop songs? Remember this?
Apparently you can use "Kidz Bop" to the dull the sounds of your swearing while you stop traffic to scream at a stranger in the back of what appears to be a cab?
Without the internet, Kidz Bop Karen would just have gone back to her car and the woman who posted the video would've just laughed about what a strange experience they both just had. Instead, it was recorded and now everyone (including an edited version of a Taylor Swift song) gets to say in unison, "CALM DOWN, KAREN."
Is she putting on some sort of valley girl accent to mock the woman in the backseat? What's with the tongue out? I have so many questions. Of course, nobody wants to put children in danger. The driver apologized, everyone is safe, but Kidz Bop Karen is still not at all ok...
Luckily, the internet got to have a field day:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
Anti-vaxxers would be hilarious if they weren't putting children's lives at risk. But sometimes we just have to make fun of them anyway—because it's all we have to immunize ourselves against their idiocy.
A screenshot of a Facebook post anti-vax couple in the Reddit page "Trashy" highlights the type of parents who often refuse to vaccinate their kids. In the photo, the couple explains that they went to the ER after their son fell on the playground. After doctors chastised them for not giving their son a tetanus shot, the couple were "isolated" in a room at the ER so they wouldn't put immunocompromised patients at risk. The parents responded by sharing a photo of themselves flipping off the doctors.
They wrote:
We had to come to the ER after an emergency with my son falling at the playground. We were questioned about our vaccine choices, then it was brought up 3 times on how we should give him a tetanus shot and then 6 hours into our visit we were 'isolated' in a room with gowns and gloves so we don't 'infect' any of the immunocompromised patients. [eyeroll emoji] our response. Our bub is ok, had a little surgery and he is on the mend. Prayers for a great recovery.
Flipping off doctors for trying to protect other patients whose lives could be threatened by this couple's refusal to immunize themselves and their son is the very definition of "trashy." See also: entitled, moronic, and dangerous.
Commenters are pulling no punches in the replies.
DeadSharkEyes writes:
Ugh. I hate when grown adults post pictures of themselves flipping off the camera. "Fuck these medical professionals trying to do the best for our son."
Fucking morons.
hemm386's theory about why anti-vaxxers continue to exist holds up:
I want to say these people will cease to exist in the future due to the progression of education, but in 2019 they already have access to a near infinite amount of information in the palm of their hands and they still end up like this. Maybe it's a population size problem more than an education problem? Like, with this many people being born combined with genetic and environmental variance, there will just always be a large number of fucking idiots in the world no matter what we do?
JustinBible makes a great point:
Why even bother going to the hospital if they don't believe in medicine?
And so does existzence:
because they're stupid
EveningTechnology confirms it:
Tetanus is a really shitty way to die. The fact that they are willing to risk their kid going through that confirms yes, they’re stupid.
The absolute irony of going to a hospital when you don't believe in modern medicine is baffling people.
Sterling_Archer88 writes:
So you'll trust doctors for surgery and what not, but you think you know better when it comes to vaccines? How.
And FluffyRedFoxy writes:
Weird how they trust doctors with knives but not with medicine. Shouldn't they also be using prayers and essential oils in place of surgery?
These people are an actual scourge on society. The sad part is that their idiocy puts so many other lives—especially children—at risk. The ER did the right thing by isolating them in a closet. And if those doctors really want to do the right thing, they'll never let them out.
We all have that one moment we'll never forget when our parents caught us doing something we knew was wrong. Sometimes it's embarrassing, sometimes it's just insane, but all of us let curiosity get the better of us when we were children and teens.
Shoplifting from the most popular clothing store? Hooking up in a car? Using the family computer for some completely uncouth behavior? If you didn't get all of your electronics taken away or get grounded for eternity between the ages of 8 and 18 then you were probably a born rule-follower.
When a recent Reddit user asked, "What’s the worst thing your parents caught you doing as a kid?" the internet was ready to chime in with their tales from naughty childhoods...
I wrote bitch on my notebook in first grade with one of those giant training pencils. forgot the T of course.
When we were about 6 years old me and a friend were having a contest seeing who could pee the furthest out the third story window. Some nosy lady from across the street ratted us out to his parents... I still think I won but we didn't get a chance to check who peed the furthest.
peeing into the air vents on the floor
Mopping/painting the garage floor with oil and destroying a waterbed with steak knives. My brother and I were both under the age of 5 when these things happened. He’s older than me by about a year and a half and made other horrendous messes before I could start participating in them including opening all the kool aid packets on to the kitchen floor and emptying an entire can of crisco onto the bottom few steps in the house. He was bad.
Our younger bother is 6 years younger than me and was way worse in the mess department. He threw all my bottles of nail polish all over my room and destroyed most of my stuff so I wasn’t allowed to have any more. He cut up most of our pictures from when we were kids. Remember when you could refill your own ink cartridges at home with a kit? He sprayed a whole pack of that stuff all over the living room including the ceiling. Ruined the carpet completely.
When my sister was 3 she was caught hiding behind a trash can eating butter after we SPECIFICALLY told her not to
Parents would always catch my little sister sucking on Velcro straps on shoes, in the closet.
At age 5 I used my dad's shaver on my lips without shaving cream. Dont ask why
Not me, but my best friend growing up. We found some porno mags in a field behind his house that he took home. When he would take a shower, he would cut out images of the girls, stick them to the inside of the shower and do the deed, then flush the pic. Eventually he had a porno mag consisting of all men, with the women all cut out. Needless to say, his dad found them and thought he was gay for a few years before talking with him about it.
found weird porn of lookalikes of my fav youtubers at the time and emailed them to my best friend for laughs. my email was signed into the ipad my parents were using.
One time my mother walked in on my girlfriend and I having sex, to tell me that my father cut his finger off, and that they were going to hospital.
There was a lot to unpack in that moment.
Masturbating doggy style with my back to the door. I was over 18 and already in a relationship with my now husband but still it's a bummer. My mother just walked and and like 2 seconds later closed the door. 2 seconds is a long time.
One morning my dad caught me sitting on the kitchen counter drinking Hershey's syrup straight out of the can.
When I was 16, my mom told me to stop searching porn on her computer. I said ok and apologized. Then my dad, who overheard, came in after her and said “Thank you!”
I was probably like 5 years old and I was playing outside in the backyard by myself and things must have gotten craaaazy because I started kissing on the basket ball hoop (the pole) and all of a sudden I hear my mom from the window go “I can see you”.
I stuck a danish pastry into the VHS player and melted lego blocks into the airholes for our furnace... my mother and my father probably wish they never had me at the time.
One of the biggest obstacles to heterosexual romance is that women are often taught to be coy and subtle when showing romantic interest, but guys generally don't realize a woman likes him unless she makes it really, really obvious. And even then, he might think she's "just being nice."
If we can take anything from these 25 women's stories, it's to tell your crush you like him immediately. Because hints clearly don't work.
1.) From othermegan:
We were playing Life and he was the police officer. The rule is, if you spin a 10, he gets your “speeding fines.” I literally pulled open my button down and exposed my breasts and said “what can I do to get out of paying this.”
He said, “ma’am. I am an officer of the law. Are you trying to prostitute yourself to me?”
A couple days of flirting and sexual innuendo later I literally had to spell out that I was trying to fuck him. We’ve been together 6 years now
2.) From kkjalnc:
we were talking about canoes and i said “i’m like a canoe because i’m wet and you can go inside me” and he said “canoes aren’t really wet”
edit: some ppl think he was rejecting me but we ended up dating for 2 years
3.) From CaptPizza:
He told me my hair looked nice. I said, "bet it would look nicer with your hands in it." He said, in a very confused tone, "...you want me to style your hair?"
4.) From deerpajamapants:
When my boyfriend and I had just started dating we were laying down watching a movie, but this was a small bed and he was being respectful and giving me space. I kept wiggling backwards so I could get closer to him and he kept inching backwards too, since he thought I was just trying to get comfortable and he was in the way. He ended up sitting in a chair next to the bed.
Three years later we are still together, and I still think it's pretty funny. He told me that when he was in the chair he purposefully left his hand next to me in case I wanted to hold it, but I guess I missed that sign too. ( He didn't get out of the bed because he was uncomfortable, he truly thought he was taking up too much space and didn't realize I was trying to cuddle
5.) From cattoepicker:
I threw my panties at him and he kept explaining God of War lore
6.) From frapp-my-ccino:
After chatting for hours on top of a mountain from sunset until like 2am, sharing a blanket, me leaning my head on his shoulder, telling him he’s attractive, etc. he turns to me and says ‘how do you tell if a girl is into you?’
7.) From hotlikesauce11:
A couple of weeks ago to my boyfriend of 3 years:
Me: Undresses and lays naked on the couch, waiting to bone.
Him: makes dumb joke, “ooh you’re naked! That’s so weird!”
Me: dies a little bit inside
8.) From JenJMLC:
I asked a guy on a festival to come take a shower with me. He didn't get it. He just repeated there was only one free shower and I was like "well they are big I'm sure it's fine" and he just looked confused and told me I could go first. We became close friends since that happened about 2 years ago and this summer I spoke to him about it and he really had no idea. He did the biggest facepalm I've ever seen.
9.) From Wassabiman117:
I'm a guy but I once had an experience where I took the hint but still got rejected. A girl had asked me if I lost my virginity yet (we were in high school). When I said I hadn't, she said that I could practise on her whenever I want, mind you we walking home after school because we lived close. I try to act on this hint when we get to her house and she said she was only joking and doesn't want it to be weird with us as friends.
10.) From nothingweasel:
For Valentine's a couple of years ago, I mailed my husband a package. The note said, and I quote, "I want you NOW!" I was ready to spring into some extra fun sexy time whenever he opened the package. I had to sit him down and explain a couple of hours later. He was like "OHHHHHHH..."
11.) From throwawayL1G2B3:
On our first date, my current boyfriend and I went out to dinner, to a bar, and eventually back to his house to watch scary movies. After hanging out for almost 8 hours at that point, practically cuddling into him the entire time we were watching movies, dropping as many hints as I could, around 3 am when we were both fighting to stay awake, I finally had to look his dumbass in the eye and ask, "so are you going to kiss me or not?"
Though he was totally oblivious, it did show his good heart. He was about to let me me fall asleep on his couch and spend the night without even trying to kiss me. I knew he was a keeper after that.
12.) From Empty_Insight:
So answering in lieu of my late wife here- I (husband) am dumb. Like, really dumb. She and I met and became friends very quickly, but I didn't know she apparently had a huge crush on me.
I thought she was out of my league, and apparently she thought I was out of her league too, but she couldn't stop the feels. She rubbed her feet on me while we were talking, asked me in detail about my 'package', gave me her phone number with the line "Hit me up if you want pizza and sex." We went out for lunch, she offered to fellate me for a Dr Pepper, and she was very insistent that we got Meat Lover's pizza when I asked her what she wanted for watching a movie later.
After we watched the movie (she was in my bed), I figured she was just wanting to keep warm and cuddle, but she strutted into my bathroom stark naked and I had some DD's staring at me. She kissed me and told me "I want you to fuck me, you idiot." A regular romance story there.
In my defense, she had a really warped sense of humor and I thought she was kidding with all that stuff. It felt so natural with us being friends that the thought didn't even cross my mind until she propositioned me that there was potential for more. I'd had some really fucked up ex's and I thought romance was something where I had to jump through hoops for the other person and wait on them hand on foot... but she was different. That's why she was the one who I got on one knee for.
Advice to the ladies out there: if my wife telling me "I want you to fuck me" got through my legendarily thick skull, I think as a last resort that'll get through to anybody.
13.) From BBNUK91:
Guy here but once had a girl drag me into the bathroom while at a college party saying she needed help finding her marker/pen. We didn’t find it and I figured out what was really going on a year later.
14.) From aimeeerp:
I'm not as brutally upfront as some of these people but mine happened yesterday:
"How do I know a girl is flirting with me?" He asks.
"She touches you a lot while you two are talking."
"I cannot relate at all. That never happens to me."
"I'm sure it does!" I tell him and hit his arm.
"I can't think of any time that's ever happened."
15.) From karamelais:
complained I was a bit cold, so he gave me a blanket. I then told him there's space for two under the blanket (in an obvious flirting tone). He answered with "No thanks, I'm not cold". I still tease him with it once in a while (we're married now)
16.) From koroshitai:
one time a girl straight up asked if i wanted to take my pants off and I didn't get it. I was like: "nah, they're actually not uncomfortable at all"
17.) From FeelsBlind89:
Invited him over to "watch a movie" eventually laying my legs across his lap and hard flirting but after 4 movies I had to finally make the move.
Edit for clarification: We'd been flirting via text, sexting, exchanging nudes, etc. I had previously told him to his face that I liked him and I'm giving him the green light to make any move. Still nothing after a month of dating. I seemed to always take the lead on things and I like assertiveness but I wanted to give him the opportunity to feel like he could be in control, that it was ok. I was very direct many times, we'd had several discussions about it. Still nothing, even after I finally made the move I had to literally say, "I want to have to sex with you" 🤷🏻♀️
18.) From outerproduct:
I am a guy, but I can share my density as the guy that missed the hints. I went to a store where there was a girl I liked in college. We used to small talk while I browsed and never bought anything, bring a poor college student.
This time I came in the store and she said I and we chatted a bit while I shopped. She complained, "I'm going to be home alone tonight, my family is out of town.".
I replied, "oh that's too bad.".
She says, "I'm off at 5 today (it was 4 at the time), what are you up tonight? I'm up for anything".
"Oh nothing, just sitting at home and watching a movie.".
My brain must have completely self destructed, because the conversation ended there. I never saw her again after that, she either quit, or was avoiding me. I must have been in a daze from school to miss that cue.
19.) From jjdanielle511:
Before we started dating, I told my current boyfriend "I love you" and he said "awe I love you too you're such a good friend". The whole time we thought we were both friend zoning each other. Wasted half a year going in circles smh.
20.) From cauldronbubblesover:
We were discussing costumes and I sent a picture of me in my bunnysuit and said I'd need help out of it . His response was telling me he hoped my roommate was home or that would suck .
I had to tell him I was implying I'd like HIM to take it off me and it took him a minute to catch up
Edit: For those of you concerned it was very much a suggestive picture , I'm not sure it could have been percieved as just friendly( And no you wont be getting proof of said picture for those in my DMs lol).
I was very much ready to hit him with the bat of bluntness because we get along great and he'd seemed flirty with me before
21.) From Moves_like_Norris:
Guy here. Was invited back to study by one of the girls in my class at her apartment. We’re about half hr in and she says she might take a shower. I’m like ok - kinda random - but ok. Anyway she starts telling me the door to the shower is broken so DON’T come in. Says it three or four more times. Again, I’m like ok - weird she’s said that multiple times - but ok. Hr later the shower is still running. I can hear her singing and humming away so I know she’s ok and hasn’t drowned. Thinking gee that’s a long shower though. Water goes off and she comes out dressed and says you didn’t come in? I’m confused as I’m like WTF she told me not to... She sits back down, clearly distracted and not wanting to study. We wrap up after 5 mins. Drive home. Mate asks me how study was about a week later and the situation - which I hadn’t given a single brain cell of thought to since - I explain to him. As I’m saying it out loud the penny drops as to what a big fuckhead I am.
22.) From kaethegreat:
He invited me to his house to watch a movie after a few dates. He ended up playing league of legends for hours while I was laying in his bed and asked him many times if he would like to join. "sorry just one more match" We dated for 2 years.
23.) From ChingchongIgotnodong:
Literally said "I want to be yours" and the dude just keeps smiling and goes on about random space facts.
That one hurt a bit.
24.) From bearvszombiept2:
We matched on Bumble (dating app that the girl has to talk first) AND I started a convo with him.
He thought I just matched him because we were friends. Uhh no it’s a DATING APP.
We didn’t start dating until almost a year after that.
We are married now.
25.) From littlelavenderdreams:
I went out of my way to come in early and talk to this guy every day for like a month before someone else told him I was into him.
I also repeatedly told him I liked him
He thought I was just being nice.
If you fantasize about walking out of work, changing your identity, and starting over in the woods, these memes are for you. This collection of hilarious workplace memes will make anyone who hates their job laugh. I can't be the only one who needs some entertainment to get through this long and seemingly never-ending workday.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13
.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
