In 1996 Benjamin Schreiber was convicted of murder and sentenced to "life in prison" without the possibility of parole for murdering a man with the handle of an ax. He's currently 66, and has been attempting a creative appeal to get out of jail.

In 2015, while serving his sentence at Iowa State Penitentiary, Mr. Schreiber contracted septic poisoning due to complications from large kidney stones. He had a high fever and seizures, which required hospitalization. While at a local hospital he momentarily died before being resuscitated.

When the hospital called his brother he instructed them to give him medicine to ease his pain, but not to try to keep him alive. Mr. Schreiber also had a due-not-resuscitate order on file with the Iowa Department of Corrections.

In 2018 he argued in a Wapello County court that he had ben resuscitated against his will, and because of this he had served his life sentence. With his life sentence served, he explained he should be released.

Judge Amanda Potterfield didn't agree. She said, “Schreiber is either still alive, in which case he must remain in prison, or he is actually dead, in which case this appeal is moot.”

What's the moral of this story? Don't murder people.

Don't even talk to me in the morning until I've had my coffee and laughed at 28 memes. Actually, maybe just wait until after lunch. How about I pencil you in a week from next Tuesday? You know what, have my people call your people. Either way, I'm going to be busy laughing at these hilariously random memes starting right now.

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Sometimes it feels good to be bad. These memes are a perfect example of one of those times. This list is a little naughty and a lot funny. So go ahead laugh. We won't judge.

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Beyoncé is so renowned for her performances, her persona and her PR savvy, it's easy to forget she also has one of the best singing voices in the history of recorded music.

Jessie J was reminded of Bey's raw vocal talents the hard way, when she attempted a few Beyoncé covers on Instagram Live, only to be bashed by Twitter.

She tries "Listen" below:

And "Halo":

She's not quite hitting all of Bey's notes — but as the fan who posted the videos says, this doesn't mean she can't sing.

Instead, Jessie J's shaky attempts at Bey covers indicate just how different two professional singers voices can be.

Some praised Jessie J for being up-front about her struggles to sing these songs.

They also pointed out that pretty much every singer will struggle with an arrangement the first time they attempt it.

And people are blown away by how effortless Beyoncé sounds when she sings these incredibly difficult arrangements.

The tweets also served as the jumping-off point for a discussion of vocal preparations and performances.

Jessie J later posted a version that came across better than the attempts from her Live.

And if Beyoncé stans are ambivalent about Jessie J's attempts, it doesn't matter to Jessie's people. They're all about it.

When it comes to weddings, tales of parental overstepping are a dime a dozen. But one bride has found the perfect remedy to her mom's demands on her special day.

A Reddit user has asked the internet if her response to her mom's wedding dress requests makes her an a-hole. And whether it does or not is kind of irrelevant, because her idea is hilarious.

The bride's mom has requested that the bride wear her old wedding dress — but there's one problem.

The dress is "like Princess Diana's dress, but with more lace and frills," the bride writes. "When my parents got married back in the 80s, my mom wore a big, poofy white gown that was in style at the time."

"In style in the '80s" is a great way of saying "fugly." For reference, here's what Diana's wedding dress looked like. Picture this with more lace and frills, and it's clear why the mom asking the daughter to re-wear this dress in the year of our lord 2019 is a little over the top.

So the bride is not that into it:

I understand why she would want to see me in it, but I'm not keen on the idea. One of the reasons is because it's just not my taste, and the other is because when you look at the dress, you know it came from the 80s. It is what you imagine the quintessential 80s wedding dress would look like, minus the teased hairstyle and frosted lipstick.

It would look anachronistic in a setting with more modern fashions and wedding styles, as if the bride accidentally walked into a time slip and came out of it into 2019.

In order to not disappoint her mom, she said she'll wear it... under one condition:

...that the bridal party and the groomsmen wear clothes based on 80s wedding fashion, with an 80s themed wedding reception to follow.

Craft bride! She goes on:

I'm a history teacher who loves doing research into different time periods and eras, so researching wedding trends, music, tech, and fashion from the 1980s and then recreating it would be fun. And I'm not so worried about my boyfriend and friends being opposed to the idea because they know how much I love history and historical reenactment (not to mention some of them partake it in themselves... one used to work at Williamsburg and boyfriend is a Civil War reenactor).

My mom wasn't big on the idea. She thinks that the idea of an 80's themed wedding is stupid and that I sound like a bridezilla for suggesting that the wedding party go through with the idea.

Uhhh, news flash mom: insisting that your daughter wear a wedding dress she had no say in is what's stupid.

But the bride is nicer than us, so she didn't say that. She just said, "Let's make the whole thing '80s!" Now she's asking Reddit if that was a d*ck move.

And they overwhelmingly agree that an '80s-wedding would not only be the only fair compromise with her mom's demands, but also super fun.

"I think that’s amazing. Especially if you have a 16 candles-ish first dance. 😂," suggesed the aptly named Conspiring_B*tch.

"I wonder if you could rent a delorean instead of a limo," said suzi63.

Twopinkgiraffes provided a more chill option:

It’s your day! You do you!

Another option is to take it to a talented seamstress to de-puff the sleeves, take the bow off the ass (I’m guessing) and see what else can be done to bring the dress into this century. If that’s possible.

And the bride confirmed that yes, there is a bow on the butt.

Whathappenedwas pointed out that if anyone's an a-hole here, it's the mom:

that's very kind of you to find a way to compromise. Your mom is TA for making this about her dream of seeing the dress worn by a daughter, but the thing is, you're offering that to her! I don't see why this period-costume context is problematic either. I would hate to wear my mom's dress for that reason. Not my style. I would not be as generous as you are being.

Cman_yall pointed out that it makes no sense for the mom to force an '80s dress on her daughter, then backtrack on the '80s vibe when it comes to everyone else:

It's really strange.

Mom: wear my 80's dress!

OP: everyone can wear 80's clothes!

Mom: that's stupid.

I really can't follow the thought process.

Another Redditor pointed out the mom might feel like using the dress in the context of a theme party could be seen as "mocking" it, but Aggressivecleaning said there's no shame in mocking the '80s:

I wore 80s fashion. It absolutely deserves to be mocked non stop by everyone everywhere until the heat death of the universe.

And E3946 came through with a post that almost makes us feel guilty for making fun of '80s fashion. Almost.

Mom remembers choosing a dress that is elegant, sophisticated, gorgeous (all true *for the time period *). She offers it to OP, who then turns it around and implies that it's tacky, overdone, and outdated (or I'm guessing that's how Mom heard it). The problem isn't whether the dress is modern; it's the emotional implication of realizing that this beautiful special thing she saved for decades for her own daughter might not be the elegant timeless gift she planned it to be.

No matter who's the a-hole in this situation, one thing's before: if they go through with the '80s theme, we're dying for an invite!

Rejection is the absolute worst...

The sting of a hard rejection can stay with you for years. Whether it's a particularly brutal breakup or a career pitfall, most of us have turned into a puddle of defeated, crying-into-a-pin-of-ice cream despair at some point in our lives.

Was it the middle school clique that wouldn't let you be a part of their shared lunch diary of secrets? Was it the guy you dated for four years who broke up with you in a 3 AM text message? The possibilities are endless! Life is long, expensive rollercoaster!

It isn't a surprise that when Eden Dranger asked the internet about their rejection woes, people were quick to hop aboard the heartbreak train.

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For many moms, staying home with the kids can function like a 24/7 job. Even when you're not balancing another job on top of motherhood duties, you're still acting as a housekeeper, cook, and caretaker all hours of the day. Plus, if your partner works full-time it's likely they expect you to manage the bulk of the cooking and cleaning after they get home.

Even as more women earn the title of breadwinner, the disparity in the household remains, studies consistently show that women do the majority of household maintenance and parenting work. However, while the cultural shift may feel slow, more and more men are recognizing the discrepancies between what's expected of moms and dads.

A Facebook post from appreciative husband and father Zack Williams quickly went viral because of how much it tapped into the different expectations for mothers and fathers.

He wrote:

* Wife appreciation post *

I came home yesterday evening after working 12 hours. I went into the bathroom to get cleaned up and ready for dinner. I noticed my daughters bassinet in the bathroom...

Williams shared that after a 12 hour work day he found his daughter's bassinet in the bathroom, and his wife revealed it was there from her shower.

I asked my wife if she had put her in there, and how she did in it. She said that she put her in it as she had showered during the day. We continued to talk about how good she had been and how much she’s growing up and so forth...

When Williams came home from the gym and jumped in the shower, he saw where his wife had wiped away the steam to keep an eye on their daughter.

This morning I came home from the gym, turned the shower on, to get cleaned up for work. I turned to the door, and saw where my wife wiped away the steam from the glass, so that she could see our baby girl in the bassinet...

This caused him to pause and imagine his wife and daughter making faces through the glass.

I literally just sat there and stared at the glass and smiled. I could see it, I imagined it, it was like I was there in the room with them. I could see Heather just looking through the glass and making faces at Lottie as she smiled and played in her bassinet! I just melted!!!

He then went on to share how this small moment made him appreciate how much invisible work his wife does all the time.

It’s so crazy to me, how the smallest things can make me so appreciative of my wife. It’s the little sacrifices my wife makes for this family, that would normally go unnoticed. From caring for our daughter 24/7, to caring for me, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the animals, and taking care of herself (yeah right, there’s no time for that)...

It just makes me stop and think...I work hard...I work long 10-12 hours days...I get tired...I have stressful days...that’s my right, as the working member in the house hold right...to be catered to hand and foot when I get off?!?

This made him consider how much our culture takes the work of moms in the home for granted.

All she does is have to take care of a baby....

So it should be that she cooks, and keeps the house clean, dishes washed , laundry clean and put up , animals tended to.... and I’m a man, have I mentioned my needs yet ?!?

I mean seriously, she’s at home all day after all!

——————————————————-

Mannnnn.... I can’t tell you how much this fogged up glass means to me !

The fact that my wife can’t even shower without caring for someone else.... tending to someone else’s needs.... get a second to herself to relax

He went on to share that because her work is unpaid, there are many ways in which she doesn't receive the same palpable appreciation from the outside world.

My wife doesn’t get to clock out, my wife doesn’t get the satisfaction of seeing a check deposited in the bank in return of her hard work, my wife doesn’t get to eat lunch with co workers, my wife doesn’t get to just walk outside and just take a deep breath....

It's little moments like this that make him fall in love with her all over again.

This may be just a fogged up piece of glass to some, but to me it means so much more. It’s the little things like this that don’t go un noticed.... it’s the little things like this that constantly remind me how badass she is .... it’s the little things like this that make me fall in love with her all over again, Heather Williams !

Thank you for being the amazing woman you are... it doesn’t go unnoticed !

👑 I love you My Queen 👑
#LetsFogItUpAgainWhenIGetHome😈

After the post quickly received support from thousands of fellow parents across the world, Williams and his wife Heather decided to launch the Six Shots with Zack and Heather page where they can share parenting updates.

***** EDIT *****

My wife and I have been working on a project. Everyone keeps asking us for videos, so we finally caved and have been working on building content!

Follow Six Shots with Zack and Heather and we will launch the first Episode here soon!!!!

We promise it’ll be worth the follow

After receiving comments that ranged from supportive to critical, Williams recently posted a follow up shower post clarifying that his original post was truly meant for his wife Heather, and not meant to go viral and function as a performance.

Here is the original “fogged glass” post:

It has a little over 30k shares and almost 20k reactions!

This message was originally posted by me (Zack) for my wife. It was supposed to be for her to read, for her to smile, for her to feel “seen”. It was a publicity acknowledgement meant for her to feel appreciated. I wanted everyone to know, how much she really sacrifices for our family, and her to know that it meant the world to me, even the smallest things.

Once this post blew up, it opened up the platform for people to put their two cents in. A bunch of pages have shared it, several have written their own article on it, and even some have stolen the post completely with no credit. However, with being slightly nosey, and of course let’s admit it, it was kinda cool. We truly found out how sad this world really can be. People just jumping to conclusions saying that I don’t help Heather around the house, and even some mentioning how little respect I have for women due to “expecting” those things out of my wife. Anyways, as few and far between as those post were, it did get me to respond. Simply posting my defense, and in some cases, I let them know how I really felt 😂😉.

Anyways, with all that being said , Heather and I are usually not ones to fire back at everyone over stupid stuff they say on social media. Now, before anyone goes pulling up screenshots, yeah we’ve definitely voiced our opinions before , and we’ve called out shady people more times than I can count lol. That’s just who we are, we have each other’s back til the end!

But...... moving forward, we decided that we’re not even going to respond to the BS comments anymore. This post again, was made to put my wife on the pedestal she deserves to be on. We didn’t ask for this story to blow up the way it did, but it did. There’s been a lot of haters, a lot of salty folks , and a lot of people actually trying to get between us lol (ain’t ever going to happen😉) ..... however, Heather and I have an amazing life, we don’t let anything outside of that effect us. So, moving forward negative comments won’t be responded to. Sure, we’re not perfect, and so you may catch a response, but for the most part the negative comments will be ignored.

This post was for my wife, and that’s really all that matters. We are so happy this story has helped so many folks, and is just icing on the cake. We are here for anyone and everyone. If this entire page helps 1 person, then it was all worth it, and totally outweighs all the haters !

🙏🏼 we love y’all

If you want to keep up with their family adventures and the many parenting discussions, you can follow the Six Shots with Zack and Heather.

The next civil war is between baby boomers and millennials.

Lately, a lot of jokes are being made at the expensive of the baby boomer generation. Millennials and Gen Z'ers are angry about climate change, student loan debt, the job and housing markets, and the general state of society that the boomers left the United States. While, of course, not everything wrong in the world is because of baby boomers, there are definitely some great jokes to be made...

The most irritating thing for young people in relation to baby boomers is the useless advice they tend to give. Advice is based on experience, but baby boomers lived in an entirely different world. Applying to jobs, communicating with friends, dating, and going to college were all dramatically different. Nobody walks into an an office and asks if there are any openings anymore. Getting a stable job with a retirement plan seems insane. The world is quite literally on fire, stop giving us advice!

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The "Am I The A**hole?" forum on Reddit exists to help people navigate the often-murky waters of right vs. wrong. But sometimes, the waters are not murky at all. Sometimes people are straight-up a**holes and everyone realizes it but them. This is one of those times.

A mom who excluded a boy with "high-functioning autism" from her son's 10th birthday party—while inviting every other kid in the class—took to the internet to ask if she's an a**hole. She got her a**(hole) handed to her.

Excluding one child from a birthday party for having autism is an extremely a**hole move, and the internet let her know.

The mom writes:

My sons 10th birthday is next saturday and me and my husband have been planned a party for him. To make sure we gave everyone enough time we got invitations ready 2 weeks in advance and I had my son pass them out Friday. We invited every one in his class (he goes to a small private school so there were only 15 kids to invite). Except for one child well call david.

The mom and her husband invited every single child in their son's 15-kid class with the exception of one, "David," who is a "high-functioning autistic child."

Her reasons for excluding this ONE kid from her son's party are flimsy at best: 1) She heard a rumor that David might've had a "meltdown" at another kid's birthday party (what kid hasn't at some point had a meltdown at a birthday party?!) And 2) There are "logistical problems" due to the party taking place in a "loud arcade."

Uhhh, okay.

The school my son goes to has a program for special needs kids where they are put into a "normal" class once a week. David is a high functioning autistic child who was put in my sons class to help him socialize and to help the other kids learn to not discriminate against special needs people. From what I know about him and his mother they are just doing their best, and I have nothing against either of them. However, there have been incidents with david before. Last year through friends I had heard that David had a meltdown at another party he was invited to. I don't know if I believe it but parents who were there say that it was because he wanted to open presents like the birthday boy and when told no freaked out. There are other logistical problems as well (The party will be in a loud arcade) so in the end I decided to not invite david.

When David's mom found out her son was the only one excluded from the birthday, she did what any protective mom would do: she confronted the mom throwing the party, and called her "awful" for excluding her son. Many other parents took her side.

So the mom took to Reddit to ask if she's the a**hole:

Well, after my son passed the invitations word spread around that we had excluded the special needs child in his class. This got back to davids mother who called me last night and confronted me about this. She told me that I am awful for excluding her son and that i'm teaching my son to discriminate. When I brought up the logistics and the past incident she told me that i'm an asshole for assuming what her son can and cant do before hanging up. I woke up this morning to a passive aggressive post by her and many other parents are siding with her.

I just want my son to have a good party and didn't mean anything by this. AITA?

Sometimes it's difficult for an a**hole to realize they're being an a**hole—even when a lot of people are telling them they're being an a**hole. That's what Reddit is for.

Commenters let her know who the a**hole is: her.

immyjrdanceparty points out that she didn't even make an effort to talk to David's mom to address the "meltdown" rumor or to find out if his behavior had improved or what he's like in social situations:

YTA [You're The A**hole]

Look, I understand your concern about the meltdown. But you could have spoken to his parents beforehand about the environment and potential ways to mitigate that; you could have spoken to your son's teacher to see if s/he has advice for how David is in group situations. You don't even know how his behavior may have improved over the past year specifically because of being included socially. This would have been a good chance to teach your son to include people, and instead you taught him it's okay to exclude someone if their disability makes your fun time slightly more difficult.

ValkyrieSword writes:

Exactly. A meltdown at one party doesn't automatically mean he will melt down at ALL parties. You didn't even TRY to find a way to include him.

THis post made me super sad & angry. YTA

And gimmiesomewater notes that a 10th birthday party at an arcade will likely include some meltdowns, with or without David:

Not to mention it’s a 10th birthday party at an arcade. OP, don’t you realize how many meltdowns will occur that day even without David?

jimmyjrdanceparty also points out that meltdowns are totally common from kids:

Great point, I sincerely doubt that none of the other kids in the class have ever melted down at a party. Almost every kid has a meltdown from overstimulation now and again.

And also adults, says CapK473:

I'm 32, it doesnt get better lol

LOL, SAME.

And flowrface points out that the mom's attitude toward people with autism is pretty ignorant/awful:

also, i’d like to throw in how OP thinks that this child is only in the class so that people learn to not discriminate, lol. the child has high functioning autism, he likely functions like a normal child. my mom helped PLENTY of high functioning autistic children when she was an aid, and they were all extremely bright. they just needed some extra help.

OPs whole attitude towards autistic people seems pretty awful.

SmarterThanAKoala agrees:

Seriously, what the fuck? YTA, OP. I have a child with high functioning autism, and this just burns me up.

PandeanPanic weighs in as someone who is on the "higher end of the spectrum":

yeah as someone on the higher end of the spectrum people tend to either thing I don't suffer from issues at all or that I'm a particularly dim five year old in a 23 year old woman's body.

Versus, like, me just being an actual person with special needs that vary in certain areas.

I feel so bad for this kid. Especially because it reads like the invitations were passed out during classtime. Which like, if everyone is watching, fucking hurts. I've been there.

And yeah they're not gonna stick a super low functioning autistic kid in a normal classroom to teach kids not to discriminate that's not how that works.

There are many, many other comments on the post, all of them echoing similar sentiment. Hopefully the mom reads them all, and apologizes to this kid, and his mom, for excluding him and perpetuating harmful stereotypes about people with autism.

Even a**holes can change—and hopefully this one does.

Finding out a loved one is cheating on their partner presents a difficult ethical situation. For some, the answer is obvious: stay out of the situation, since it's not your relationship. However, sitting on the fact that someone is being cheated on can feel like a betrayal even if you're technically closer to the cheater.

Navigating whether to reveal the truth or stay mum can truly feel like a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation, and there is no clear answer.

In a recent post on the Am I The *sshole subreddit, a mom asked if she was wrong for telling her daughter's boyfriend that he's being cheated on.

AITA for telling my daughters boyfriend that she is cheating on him?

OP kicked off the post by sharing that her 27-year-old daughter is raising a 6-year-old solo.

I will try to make this as short as possible. My daughter is 27 years old and she has a 6 year old son. The father of my grand child has never been in his life.

OP let her daughter live with her rent-free for the first four years of her grand son's life, with the understanding that her daughter would go to school or pursue work.

I let my daughter and grandson live with me for the first 4 or so years of my grand son's life because I wanted to help them the best I could. I allowed her to live with me rent free under the provision she go to school or do something productive with her life while trying to attempt to provide for her child.

However, OP's daughter hated living under a roof with rules, and quickly jumped into a relationship with an older man.

My daughter hated living with me because I imposed rules upon her so she jumped into a relationship with a man 15 years older than her and moved in with him.

OP's daughter still hasn't gotten a job or gone to school, and is now living completely off of this man's kindness.

My daughter still did not get a job or take any steps to improve her life so she could financially support herself and her child independently. She has basically been using this man for his money, his home, his support and he is madly in love with her.

According to OP, her daughter has a pattern of manipulating and using people.

My daughter has always been somewhat of a cunning manipulative cold hearted person who uses and has used multiple people throughout her life to her advantage with complete lack of regard for their feelings.

So, when OP found out her daughter was cheating on the man who loves and supports her, OP felt both saddened and responsible to tell him the truth.

This man has been nothing but wonderful to my daughter and grandson and it destroyed me when I found out she has been having an affair for the last year.

OP ended up revealing the truth to him, which resulted in him dumping and kicking out her daughter and grandson.

I felt bad for him knowing that my daughter has been cheating on him and doing nothing but using him this whole time so I told him that she has been cheating.

Long story short, he threw my daughter and my grandson out and they are now living with my mother.

Stoickk doesn't understand why people are mad at OP.

NTA

It amazes me how many people think that a cheater deserves loyalty.

EDIT: You guys freaking gilded this? I love you reddit. I'm humbled. Thank you.

Now OP's daughter lives with her mom and the entire family is mad at OP for "breaking up the relationship."

My family says I am an a*shole and my loyalty should have been with my daughter.

This has caused most of my family to stop talking to me.

I'm really torn as to whether I am the a*shole here or not.

Help?

MyArse37 thinks OP did the right thing.

NTA. It sounds like you have done everything to help her. You did this man a favour, whether he sees it rn or not. As far as your daughter, you cant help those who can't help themselves.

rhyleyrey thinks OP is ultimately helping her daughter in the long run.

NTA. Cheaters don't deserve loyalty. Your daughter is going to have to hit bottom before she realizes that relying on others like she does isn't a good way to live your life.

KittyKiitos thinks OP is projecting and withholding key information.

ESH.

It sounds like you are omitting some key information, but from the way you describe your daughter, you did not tell this man out of the goodness of your heart- you told him because you were projecting your own feelings about your daughter onto their relationship.

I can't imagine any mother who independently liked and appreciated their daughter thinking that a relationship with this kind of age gap would only have issues brought upon by your daughter. Are you completely blind to the fact that he has all of the power in their relationship? It sounds like living with you was never really an option for her, however you paint it.

She is of course an a* for cheating, unless he was abusing her.

confused123456 thinks the way OP talks about her daughter says a lot about their dynamic.

ESH only because the way you describe your daughter leads me to believe you never liked her much. I know she is a grown woman but damn that's cold. I wonder how she was raised honestly.

NTA for telling someone they were being lied too but YTA for just the descriptions of her makes her sound like a sociopath and coming from a parent it's cold.

At the end of the day, it seems like OP's decision was ultimately for the best, since the relationship seemed doomed already.

Is it ever a good idea to call the police on your own child?

Of course, most parents want the absolute best for their children and that means keeping them safe, healthy and law-abiding. Teenagers are notorious rule-breakers and it's a tumultuous time to figure out your identity while hormones are raging and angst is brewing. Slammed doors and broken curfews are normal, but what about when your child is selling drugs?

If your teenager is repeatedly breaking your rules and then the law, is there a time when you should get the police involved? This is when it gets complicated...

Luckily, the moral compass of the internet is here to save the day. When a recent Reddit user asked the "Am I the As*hole?" section of Reddit for advice concerning his daughter, who had been using drugs.

AITA (Am I the As*hole?) for calling the police on my kid?

Daughter is 16. Her mom and I are divorced.Daughter has been caught smoking pot several times from the age of 14. Her mom and I have collectively punished her several times for this. The last time we caught her, I started drug testing her. Her mom doesn’t agree with it, but we have caught her so many times now that I think this is the best way to prevent her from doing it.

I don‘t normally go through her room, but the router for the house is in there, and I needed to reset it. When I go into her room, I found a mushroom cap on black paper hidden underneath her desk. I look up what the hell it is and it is a spore print for magic mushrooms. I go through her room further to find an entire damn aquarium filled with mushrooms in the back of her closet. obviously I am enraged, so I wait for her to get back from school, and I called the police. She was arrested, booked and released into her mother’s custody.

Her mother is pissed, and saying that I may have ruined the kids life for no reason, but we have tried to correct her drug abuse several times to no avail, and it has escalated. She now has a court date and can answer to the law since she doesn’t take the rules in my house seriously. I doubt she’ll get more than probation anyway.

My parents are also pissed though, saying that this could have been handled inside the home, and that’s why I’m here. I’m wondering if I over reacted and would like a more impartial judgment.

Yikes. While of course this dad loves his daughter and was trying to protect her, this is a permanent charge that could prevent her from getting into college or getting a job.

Here's what people had to say:

"SparklyUnicornLady" wrote:

Getting your child a criminal record over mushrooms is most definitely not going to help her.

Don’t rely on the criminal justice system to parent your children.

"name_not_important_2" wrote:

There are so many better ways to handle this situation. You could have first figured out why she had the drugs. A lot of teenagers who abuse drugs have underlying issues going on that need to be addressed. You didn’t try to do that. You could have found help with a family therapist, or even a personal therapist for her, that could have helped her through this time. You could have sent her to rehab. All of those things would have potentially helped her. You did absolutely nothing but make it clear that she can’t come to you if she’s ever in trouble.

"i-am-also-me-rart" wrote:

Surprised if she ever talks to you, after this. Good luck.

"[deleted]" wrote:

Drug addiction needs to be addressed MEDICALLY. What do you think will happen now? Jail or nothing. Well done. The police is not here to help you suck less at parenting.

So, there you have it! This dad is the A*shole!

Is there anything juicier than a secret you're not legally allowed to tell?! Any deeply guarded secret carries more weight psychologically, regardless of how petty or intense it actually is. So naturally, being contractually obligated to an NDA (non-disclosure agreement) immediately makes the secrets behind it more alluring and difficult to keep under wraps.

Luckily, most NDAs have a shelf-life either overtly written into the contract or subliminally understood, so if you spill 15-year-old tea you are likely safe from repercussions.

In a recent Reddit thread, people with expired NDAs shared their secrets and they range from culinary to military.

1. Synched2020 was privy to military secrets.

Had to sign an NDA in order to reforest an artillery range that was last active in the 1920's, just in case we found some high tech military secrets from 90 years ago.

2. momo871 worked for a scientology school.

That the charter school I taught for was in reality a Scientologist school. We had to do training in Scientology after school for two hours a day. We had to sign a NDA to get our $1000 “bonus” for doing the non-elective training. Those parents had no idea the school was Scientology.

We did not teach them how to be Scientologists, but we certainly used the terminology and ol L. Ron’s ideas. This was about 25 years ago before we knew much about Scientology. I didn’t buy in and I wasn’t invited back the following year. The school dissolved about 4 years later.

3. zilfondel worked for Elon Musk.

Sure. I was on the team that designed SpaceX's Starlink factory in Redmond Washington that never got built. From start of project to finish it only took 4 weeks, a record!

SpaceX also wanted a 50 foot deep hole in the middle of the building, but we weren't told why. Building was around 80,000 sqft.

Also, Elon likes to have a back door on all of his factories for which only he has a key so that he can secretly enter the building and watch the goings on from a little alcove above the floor.

4. Abraham_Lincolnbot's Sandals honeymoon was hell.

Mine isn't expired but I don't care, they can come after me if they want.

Honeymoon at a Sandals resort and it went bad. Not like some people's where it involved rape but personal belongings were destroyed, kicked out of the room we got moved to after ours was no longer safe to stay in, that sort of stuff. The NDA says we are not allowed to acknowledge we were ever even on the island.

Jokes on them, I had no interest in posting about it until they presented us with the NDA that said we couldn't. Thanks for the idea!

5. dangthatsnasty's landlord needed them to stay mum about the NDA drama.

My old landlord building company paid all expenses for me to break my lease, move out and get all my possessions heat treated after I came back from study abroad to bedbug infestation. They didn't want other residents to know if they threatened to sue they could get their stuff treated.

6. Baron_Greyfallow knows the hidden voice commands.

If you have a comcast voice remote and you say, "Make Robert Happy." It will turn the TV to Doctor Who. There used to be a lot of hidden voice commands in the system. We had to take a lot of them out over time, but that one is still in there.

Edit: A couple people have asked me who Robert is. He is one of the software engineers working on the voice remote system. As a proof of concept early on he put that in, and just never removed it.

Edit 2: Some people are asking for another one. If you say "Big Boss" it'll make your TV go to an empty page left over for the Minions movie and make your tv play a minion noise. It seems they removed a lot of them, but that one is still there too.

7. cisco54 served on a board that had kidnap ransom insurance.

I served on a board that had kidnap ransom insurance for all the board members. A condition of the insurance was that we could tell no one that we had kidnap ransom insurance.

8. wickedgoogely worked in banking during the 2008 crash.

Used to be in banking. IT. Mid 2008 and the subprime mortgage crisis hits. Banks start failing everywhere. Not ours.

So one days my boss calls and says go to room xyz on the executive floor and don’t tell anyone or talk to anyone. I walk in proudly in my high class duck heads from Target and an Izod. Suits all around. Expensive suits. CEO, CFO, legal. And the SEC. they had a stack of papers for me to sign. Multiple NDAs as well as “I won’t buy stock” and other investment stuff. Multiple secrecy documents.

I was being put on a “Mergers and Acquisitions” team. Basically any bank that was failing was sold to bigger banks to gobble up. This was all to protect the market of course.

So basically about every two to three weeks for almost a year I would be minding my own business at work and randomly get a call. I would have to go to a room with no windows where a small team that would include the CFO was given a failing banks details by the SEC and we had 24 hours to decide if we wanted to buy it. Then we had to pack our bags and go seize the bank with the feds. All my buddies knew that when I was in that room shit was about to go down. But I could never talk about it until after the event and by then we were usually on to the next one.

It was a crazy time to be in banking. Watching the president of an 8 branch local bank piss his pants when the feds walk in and he realizes he’s not only out of a job but has lost his life’s savings is not fun.

9. monstermash420_69's coworker got fired after chilling with Katt Williams.

Nothing wild, worked for a luxury hotel that celebrities frequented when in the area.

We had Katt Williams on property when he was still touring and popular. Apparently our housekeeping manager walked into check how the cleaning of his room was going and to her surprise the lady who was supposed to be cleaning was kicked back smoking a blunt with the guy. Hilarity ensued and she was canned but got a f*cking story out of it at least.

10. Hobbit893's daycare worker almost killed them.

I was given a near fatal overdose of Tylenol as a toddler at a daycare called la petite. The young worker walked away when I was on a diaper changing table when I rolled over and fell off. I ended up breaking my femur and was understandably wailing my little cubby head off. She was afraid to get fired so she kept feeding me pain killers until I stopped crying. Turns out that's a bad thing. Well safe to say I spent over a week in the hospital and some time in a full body cast.

My legs grow got stunted just enough to make my legs just a bit shorter that my torso in portion. Medical bills were paid and I got 25,000 dollars in an annuity. Plus the girl got fired but no prosecuted. My parents refused to press charges on her cause they believe in second chances and forgiveness.

11. had0c knows the truth about assisted suicide.

Opiates are used for assisted suicide all of the time in countries that do not allow it.

12. TheNorthernNoble knows the tea about TigerDirect.

TigerDirect was once a pretty successful computer hardware store in North America. There was a whole shitstorm of reasons why their brick and mortar stores collapsed quite quickly. Some of that information is public.

However, I know they were being sued for shamelessly trying to force their clients' to buy an antivirus software that was in fact just a well dressed virus. It dramatically impacted system performance, it didn't really do anything more than Defender, it was alarmingly expensive and ultimately didn't actually work without paying a ton of additional fees. More worryingly, once your credit card information was recorded it continued to charge you even if you canceled the subscription, and your fees were astronomically higher after a few months. And it was notoriously a problem to remove.

Calling their help line for help only resulted in their agents refusing to help you unless you gave them your credit card info and more money. So;

Want to use the software? Gonna be more money. Want help using the software? More money. Want to stop using the software? More money. Already giving them money? More money it is then.

Employees who questioned this software were terminated. They were forced to sell it and fired if they did not sell a substantial amount. It went so far that the stores stopped carrying any other antivirus just to prevent sales of anything but.

Couple this with illegal firing practices, with the company considering reselling computers abandoned at their tech bench back to new people, some employment violations... And that's just the stuff I know about. There's more, but I wasn't privy to it all.

They like to cite the decline of brick and mortar stores and the succes of their online store, but I haven't seen any other brick and mortar stores for competition closing (actually the opposite!). And focusing all your eggs on the, 'let's compete with NewEgg' basket doesn't seem wise either. I am almost certain their collapse was due to overwhelming lawsuits and or an attempt to avoid more by almost dissolving, but like I said, I know only of the lawsuits and violations that happened in my district, not necessarily the whole chain.

13. decentwriter works for Netflix and knows how down to the wire they are.

I work on a popular show for Netflix that only finishes their episodes like five days before they’re released. People seem to think they’re batch completed and they have the entire show ready to go.

14. Mincedfire's uncle has a non-compete that lasts after death.

Unrelated but my uncle has a non-compete that lasts two years past his death.
E: it is two years past whenever he dies. His date of passing is not a known piece of data or plan.

15. GLaDOs18's friend was asked to stay mum about financial crimes.

My friend signed one that has since expired. It had something to do with higher ups in his company skimming off the top and making a SHITTON of money before they got caught. My friend got involved because he told his manager that he found a ton of money missing from one transaction or it hadn't been released yet or something like that. He was quite shook up about it for a few weeks.

16. Goblette has the celebrity tea.

Not an NDA but I wasn't allowed to talk about our celebrity guests at the hotel I worked. Not working there anymore so:

J.K. Rowling smokes cigars

Michael Bay is an OK dude

George Michael was a bit of a tosser

Robert Downey Jr. is incredibly down to earth (I worked the bar, he was very straightforward about him not drinking)

Heston Blumenthal is really nice, even if a bit demanding.

17. bigcig knows Drake's biggest fear.

All my of NDAs come from working in film and video production so there really isn't too much juicy shit but the one thing that has always stuck with me is: Jessica Chastain gets whatever the fuck she wants whenever the fuck she wants it.

to add, totally forgot, Drake is terrified of Owls.

18. RhinestoneHousewife has the scoop on memorial dog cottages.

Pasado's Safe Haven oversold their memorial dog cottages. So when a donor (they cost $10,000) came to visit their dog's memorial cottage that they donated $10,000 for, Pasado's would have to swap out the memorial plaque. Super shitty.

**Edited for clarification

This isn't a pet cemetery. With a $10,000 donation, people got to sponsor a rescue dog by paying for a 'cabin' for them to live in. That $10,000 donation came with a 'This cabin was provided by a donation in the memory of (dog name here),' type plaque. They sold more $10,000 donations than they had cabins.

19. i-9 has some cult intel.

Worked at a printing company outside DC in the late 90s/early 00s. We did work for the government from time to time. We printed materials for the investigation into the Branch Davidian Cult in Waco, TX. There was tons of aerial photos of the compound and for some reasons David Koresh owned many many Camaros. They were mostly old beat up ones, but there were a few dozen on the compound.

20. cega9110's friend got a pretty payout.

Someone I know signed a NDA with a fruit company because her phone caught fire during the night while charging with official hardware. She got paid in the six figures to not talk about it after reporting the issue and got to discuss it with high ranking officer of said company.

21. theFoot58's father-in-law has a wild backstory.

My wife was born in Vietnam, her mother met and married a Navy officer, and he adopted my wife and her sister, and got them all out of Vietnam in 1972, saving their lives. The majority of my mother in law’s family were well off business people, and were ethnically Chinese, and were executed by the communists.

My wife’s dad passed away long ago, and my wife never did learn very much about his time in the Navy, all she could tell me was he was involved with submarines.

Three years ago we visited my wife’s mom in Hawaii, and she gave us a trove of stuff, pictures and papers she thought were related to his navy career. The first thing I find is his service record.

Holy shit, my wife’s dad was a bad ass. Joined the Navy in 1940, was chief mechanic on submarines during WWII, earns three battle stars. Then all kinds of work on advanced submarines , then later in his career some really weird assignments, like hauling stuff up to Alaska for defense radar sites, or decommissioning ships that were used in nuclear bomb tests.

It took a couple of weeks, but one day I noticed that his naval career ended in 1960, but my wife said he was a naval commander when he met my wife’s mother???

I asked my wife about this, and she was a bit confused. I asked what his uniform was like, and she says “khaki pants, white shirt” .

I tell her that it doesn’t sound like he was in the Navy and she must be mistaken. Then she tells me this beauty, “no he had to be in the navy, because he went somewhere in a submarine and came back with crabs, I had to translate the argument between him and my mom”

I’m really confused now so I look at some other paperwork we had from the trove. There was a folder that contained some certificates from a Chicago based air conditioning repair program, plus a certificate for electrical work, dated 1961.

Then the real answer revealed it self, it was his employment documentation for USAID.

Turns out my wife’s adoptive father was CIA station chief in Saigon during the Vietnam war, and she never knew. Her dad never revealed anything

EDIT: I no longer think he was station chief, just CIA who had people reporting to him.

22. HumanlyCapable knows that Pimp My Ride is fake.

I was once on the camera crew of Pimp My Ride and most of the show is fake. The guys knew ahead of time that we were arriving, the car had to be fully paid off, and most of the work done has to be paid for in almost full.

23. what_the_a has all the baking secrets.

I had to sign a non-compete and NDA when I worked at a successful local bakery. We didn’t sell anything super extravagant, kinda your normal stuff like cookies, brownies, cake, cupcakes, croissants. The most complicated thing we did was candy bars but even they weren’t patisserie level. The NDA was just to ensure that we didn’t share/take her recipes and start our own business, which is totally reasonable.

We could tell people the ingredients because of allergies and whatnot but not specific brands or recipes. People would come in and make conversation by asking what our secret was to such amazing treats, ya know, just being complimentary and not really expecting me to spell out the recipes. I’d always playfully say “oh, well, you know I can’t tell you that!” Or to the more chill/fun customers I’d say “I’d tell you but then I’d have to kill you.”

Some people really wanted to know though and I’d have to tell them I actually legally can’t talk about it. It’s interesting how when some people realize they’re not allowed to know, they get ravenous about getting the information. I had someone trying to sneak in our kitchen storeroom to try and deduce something.

The big secret? Good quality ingredients and basic baking technique. Literally that’s it. People could easily find recipes online of close approximations of anything she made and recreate them to a comparable level if they bought good ingredients and learned pretty basic baking skills.

24. JustGimmeAnyOldName caught the counterfeiters because of a spelling error.

The State of Oklahoma once busted a counterfeit check ring because the individuals misspelled Oklahoma on the front of some checks. They were damn near perfect copies with valid account, check and amount numbers and were caught when an employee who ran a reader/sorter machine noticed a rejected check with the spelling Oaklahoma. I was that employee and had to testify in court regarding finding the checks. I think I'm still not supposed to talk about certain details, even though it was a long time ago.

25. ThePrevailer's grandma kept those secrets only to find them in a comic book store later.

Grandpa worked with satellites in the 50s, 60s for the air force. Like, "if you tell anyone anything about these, we'll execute you for treason" stuff.

He walked into a comic book store in the 90s and found trading cards with all the info he was sworn to guard decades earlier.

26. hometimrunner has the Outback secrets.

Outback Steakhouse's recipe for Macaroni and Cheese:

• 4 oz of Heavy Whipping Cream

• 4 oz of Velvetta cheese

• 9 oz of Al dente penne pasta

Throw it in a saute pan and melt the cheese.

BAM! Outback Mac and Cheese :)

Edit: just for clarification, this is the old recipe. I left the company in 2003. The newer recipe has cavatappi pasta and spices and crispy topping.

Rapper T.I., the guy behind such songs as "Whatever You Like," made himself relevant again with a truly disgusting disclosure. In a podcast interview, T.I. said that he takes his daughter to the gynecologist every year to "check her hymen" and see if it is "still intact."

This is not only literally invasive, and but controlling and possessive and creepy and gross.

T.I. appeared on the podcast Ladies Like Us, and when asked about whether he's had the "sex talk" with his daughters, he mentioned his annual check-in tradition.

His eldest daughter, Deyjah Harris, is 18 and a freshman in college. T.I. said that after her 16th birthday party, he "put a sticky note on the door: 'Gyno. Tomorrow. 9:30.'"

"So we’ll go and sit down and the doctor comes and talk, and the doctor’s maintaining a high level of professionalism," T.I. explained. "He’s like, ‘You know, sir, I have to, in order to share information’ — I’m like, 'Deyjah, they want you to sign this so we can share information. Is there anything you would not want me to know? See, Doc? Ain't no problem.'"

NO , SIR, THERE ARE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH THIS.

You can listen to the clip here:

People are not only disgusted, but are calling the Hymen Patrol abuse.

The World Health Organization has condemned such "virginity testing" as "a violation of the human rights of girls and women."

Plus, virginity isn't even a thing. "There is no examination that can prove a girl or woman has had sex – and the appearance of girl’s or woman’s hymen cannot prove whether they have had sexual intercourse, or are sexually active or not," the WHO writes.

Even if there were a test (other than a pregnancy test) to determine whether or not a woman has had intercourse, it is NONE OF HER DAD'S BUSINESS.

"I will say, as of her 18th birthday, her hymen is still intact," he boasted on the podcast.

For more information on the hymen, watch this clip from Adam Ruins Everything.

And dads, LEAVE YOUR DAUGHTERS ALONE.

5. Donald Trump Jr., because he got booed off stage for not taking questions.

Donald Trump Jr., the guy who compared refugees to Skittles, is currently criss-crossing the country promoting his book about liberals are the real intolerant ones. The book is called "Triggered: How The Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us," the title mocking people with PTSD making it a perfect Veterans Day read.

Don Jr. and his hype-woman/girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle were at UCLA yesterday promoting the book, and they likely came prepared with some snappy comebacks targeted at any anti-Trump protester who interrupted the proceedings. In the greatest twist since The Empire Strikes Back, Don Jr. was heckled offstage by people on his own team.

The Guardianreports that 20 minutes into the event, the couple were heckled offstage by MAGA hat-clad attendees who were pissed at them for not making time for an audience Q&A.

"USA! USA!" chants morphed into "Q&A! Q&A!", and it turns out they came from a group even more racist than Turning Point USA, the conservative organization that hosted the event.

Nicholas Fuentes, a 21-year-old white supremacist who marched at the deadly Charlottesville march in 2017, took credit for the protests. Fuentes, who is prone to anti-Semitic outbursts, insisted that his beef wasn't with Don Jr., but with the event's moderator, TPUSA's Charlie Kirk.

That didn't stop Guilfoyle from getting defensive, saying, "Let me tell you something, I bet you engage & go on online dating because you’re impressing no one here to get a date in person." Nothing says "out of touch" like accusing young people of being on Tinder.

4. Drake, because he got booed off stage for not being Frank Ocean.

This past weekend was the Camp Flog Gnaw, the annual music festival and carnival created by Tyler, The Creator. The stacked bill included such acts as Solange, FKA Twigs, and Earl Sweatshirt, and a mystery person listed on the lineup as "???"

While "???" would be a good name for a rapper in the vein of 6ix9ine, the rumor was that it was going to be Frank Ocean. Alas, turns out the rumor was just a rumor, and "???" was Drake.

Drake is a superstar and a huge get for a festival, but people in the audience weren't satisfied, shouting "Nooooooo!" and proceeded to heckle him off the stage.

"I’m here for you tonight, if you want me to keep going I’ll keep going!" he said in the video that circulated on social media.

The classy Canadian kept his composure and said “It's been love, I go by the name of Drake, thank you for having me," before walking offstage.

Did people in the audience think that if they sufficiently heckled Drake, then Frank Ocean would magically appear? When life gives you lemons, wouldn't you rather party to Drake than listen to nothing?

Tyler, The Creator tweeted that he's Team Drake, and was embarrassed by the "entitled and trash" booers.

This got him in his feelings.

3. Neil Young, because his American citizenship application has been delayed because of weed.

Your dad's favorite Canadian-born rock star (suck it, Nickelback) posted on his website that his application to because a dual US-Canadian citizen has been delayed, thanks to that old narc Jeff Sessions.

"I want to be a dual citizen and vote," he explained. "Recently however, I have been told I must do another test, due to my use of marijuana."

Even though recreational weed is legal in California, where Young lives, it is Department of Homeland Security policy that a pot smoker might not possess the "good moral character" needed to become an American.

"I sincerely hope I have exhibited good moral character and will be able to vote my conscience on Donald J. Trump and his fellow American candidates," Young said in his post.

It is unlikely that the president intervenes in specific cases through the immigration bureacracy, but he has been slighted by Young before, which may or may not contribute to Young's naturalization troubles.

President Trump, whose on moral character is consistently in question, uses Young's song "Rockin' in the Free World" at campaign events, and Young wrote that it "goes against [his] wishes."

It must have burned, because in 2014, Trump called Young one of his favorite musicians.

Keep on rockin' in the free world...just not with federally controlled substances.

2. Miley Cyrus, because she's been silenced.

Miley Cyrus is going through a lot right now: a divorce (from Liam Hemsworth), a breakup (with Kaitlynn Carter), and she recently underwent vocal cord surgery.

People reports that Cyrus was hospitlized for tonsilitis last month, and while she was there, " she discovered a separate issue with her vocal cords, which she had unknowingly had for years."

Last Friday, her boyfriend Cody Simpson posted a cryptic Instagram story that said "success," which hopefully means that she's on the mend.

Cyrus's recovery process includes several weeks of silence. So while Don Jr. is traveling the country, speaking about how he's being silenced, here's an example of somebody's voice really isn't being heard.

1. The people struggling to catch Nazi turtles.

Is there anything more humiliating than not being able to catch a turtle?

Turtles with swastikas painted onto their shells have been found in a park outside of Seattle, and local turtle-snatchers are having a hard time arresting them for hate crimes.

Federal animal control officers have been dispatched to Washington State to try and catch these alt-right reptiles. They should catch the turtles before they heckle Don Jr.

Keeping secrets is hard, even if you think it would ruin your reputation or your life if anyone ever found out the truth. Luckily, the internet is a great place to share those life-ruining secrets that you were planning on taking to the grave with you. Just make sure you're using a pseudonym!

These 27 people shared the juicy, gory, shameful, devastating, and/or illegal secrets they're taking to the grave—and Reddit:

1.) From Child_Of_Embers:

Probably that I lost my virginity to a girl that I really liked but she was in that weird kinda half relationship ( like they're not technically dating and not say bf or gf but are infatuated with one another) with my cousin who is in my inner circle of friends. I still act like I'm a virgin in front of all of them and only her and her roommate and I know the truth. Her roommate is also in my friends circle. I honestly don't even really care about sex just kinda wanted to get it over with and also really liked her at the time. Everyone had said that I'd think differently about sex after having it but I really don't, like I still would rather not sleep with someone unless I actually have some sort of emotional investment in them, unlike some rando who just wants to hookup with me

2.) From gen-ta:

Mentioned before, will never tell anyone I had one of those expensive fancy life sized sex dolls. Got rid of it at first opportunity after getting a real partner. But it's literally the only secret I have that I'm not willing to say to anyone in real life.

3.) From cestmoiparfait:

I had a sweet, wonderful student who had been in foster care but his mom worked her ass off to get him back and she did. He had to take a very important city [correction -- state exam. I have no idea why I wrote city] exam and she called me and asked if he passed it. I looked at the grades and saw he did and said so. She burst into tears of joy and that is when I saw I had read the wrong score.

He had failed.

So I changed his grade to passing. No one knew. That was the only time I ever did that.

That could have cost me my license.

The weird thing is, when my awful corrupt principal pressured me to change other students' scores so we could raise our pass rate, I refused.

I never told anyone what I did for my student.

He went into the military, was extremely successful there, has a great wife and kids, so I think I did the right thing.

Fuck those tests. They aren't human.

4.) From suestrong315:

I used to work for the airport and so got very discounted fares for friends and family. My mom was going on a trip with her friend to Key West and they were gonna drive since flying was too expensive. I talked her into letting me handle the flying arrangements and they'd save a ton. A typical $500+ flight turned into like $250 for both of them combined. Well, I was still kinda new at booking reservations and what not, and I ended up screwing up the reservation. I think I only booked it for one way or something. So the night before their flight, I rebooked it, and paid the $450 for the both of them (money I really didn't have) and have since never told my mom. It was for mother's day, so I figured that was my gift to her. It's been nearly 10 years since.

5.) From colorblindfold:

Speaking of grave... When I was a teenager some friends and I got really stoned and walked around the town cemetary. There was a whole section of generic flat grave markers from the 1800s. I found myself trying to imagine their lives in the same town I lived so long ago. Then I saw one plate kind of sticking up and crooked and I bent down to touch it. It wasn't attached at all, and I lifted it up in my hand. Right then, my assinine stoned teenage brain decided to put it in my backpack. I thought I'd somehow honor this stranger more than the shitty grounds' keeper leaving it all willy-nilly in the middle of the aisle. None of my friends saw what I did. Cue hours later, sober, and the guilt and panic are setting in. I hid the plate in my closet for about a year before I chucked it back over the fence one day late at night. I hope Bessie Jane Holmes doesn't mind that I kept her for awhile. I still think back and shudder at the guilt of such immoral fuckery.

6.) From micropachy:

When I was a kid I used to shit in a tire in the garden because I was scared of getting locked in the toilet

7.) From JOHANSENATOR:

I sharted on a New Years party bus a few years ago. I thought it was just a fart but it was a small shotgun blast of fluid. I stayed calm, and threw away my undies at the next bar, luckily there was little or no shit on the inside of my jeans & I was able to continue the night with no one aware of my poop crime

8.) From BactVagBurner:

I attempted to murder my mother. She was abusive, verbally but also physically. She'd hit you in places no one would see, or rip clumps of my hair out when Dad was on the road for work. She probably has a personality disorder. She got in my face one night when I was coming home from my second job, and I had it. My Mom like went through whole periods where she wouldn't work, I was killing myself every summer working 50+ hours to pay family bills in my parents' names and also get my younger sister to all of HER activities. I HAD IT. I tried to put Mom's head through a wall.

She started screaming, "Oh, help! Help!" and I told her she could dish it out, she should also be able to take it, shoved her on the ground and kicked her repeatedly in the abdomen and thigh, while still trying to put her head through the wall with one hand (it's a plaster-and-lath situation, old house in New England). I really fucked her up, and it felt good to do so. She's destroyed so many people's lives and she never faces any consequences for it. No one in our family ever helped me or called the police when she would abuse me. The only one who ever helped was the dog, if the dog was awake when my mom tried to start something she'd get between us, growl at mom until she backed down. I had always shown restraint and never hit her until this night. But my Dad did call the cops on me when I crossed that line.

The cops get there, split us up to interview, I explain my side and then just blurt out, "Where were you assholes when I was 8 and she was doing that to me?" The cop was taken aback, I think he could tell I was being honest and it was a culmination of years of shit and pain. He goes and talks to his partner, "I think this isn't an assault, I think it's a mental illness thing." Then they basically intimidated my Mom and Dad into agreeing with them, they wouldn't let it go until they agreed it was a medical issue not a criminal one. So they called an ambulance and I went to the hospital as part of a "diversion program." Basically, they sent me to detox for three days and I emerged with no record, no charges, no nothing except a script for prozac and a recommendation for therapy (paid for by the state low income insurance plan).

Trying to kill my mom probably saved my life, honestly. Because I got myself some tools from a CBT/DBT therapist, but I'm not stupid enough to want people to know. Who would date me? How would I ever get promoted at work? Anyway: be kind. You never know what someone's been through and you never know what people are capable of when pushed far enough.

9.) From nixnuckingfuts:

That my dad paid my mom $1500 for full custody of my youngest sibling. Not only would this be a massive blow to my sibling but my dad remarried quite quickly and the new wife is the very definition of an evil stepmom. If my sibling knew that our mom gave her up for such a small sum of money and the trade off was 5+ years of abuse she would be destroyed.

10.) From Ready-Player-2:

I agreed to a first date with someone to make him stop crying. Six years later we're happily engaged and doing great.

I don't know how well he remembers that, but I'm not bringing it up.

11.) From Simplystayce:

My father burned down my childhood home for the insurance money. He took me along as his "alibi", so I could verify he wasn't anywhere near it when it happened. I was 13 years old. I remember crying so hard knowing my clothes, books, photos - all of it would be destroyed. I wasn't allowed to save anything because he told me it would have been too suspicious.

I found out years later he blamed it on me. Telling the fire chief (plus friends and family) the fire had started because I must have been secretly smoking in my bedroom. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life...

12.) From PumpedUpBricks:

Every year I write my parents a Christmas card signed by "Sarah and Michael." - They still have no idea who they are and spend a lot of Christmas day trying to figure it out.

13.) From thumbstickz:

So my grandfather had a hand in making one of the World Series trophies back in the day. He never got any credit, but we have photos and parts from his prototype.

When I was a teen I added what I knew to Wikipedia since why not (although I believe it's gone now, but funny story I ended but being qouted in newspapers all over the country). Proceed to a few years later I get a call from my mom who's almost in tears (of joy). She found that wiki page and was FREAKING out. She was so happy he finally got "credit". She ended up making really fancy shadow boxes of the wiki page printed out, copies of the photos and other baseball stuff. She made one for each of her siblings.

I've had to just bite my tongue every time I go over there and see this thing hanging prominently in the living room.

14.) From PhatedGaming:

My first car accident back in high school was not because I swerved to miss a deer like I told my dad and the police. I actually tried to pull the emergency brake and do a 180 while going 50mph downhill. Had I gone off the other side of the road I would have gone down a 50 foot hill and into the river. That was the last time I ever tried anything like that.

There just so happened to be deer tracks in the mud near the ditch where I ended up. I avoided a ticket and my dad paid to fix my car. I have never told him the truth in the 15+ years since.

15.) From that_man_salz:

Seems like a good time as any to tell this story.

When I was a teenager my parents were divorced yet lived within walking distance of each other. I would often times walk back and fourth between their homes for whatever reason. I got to know A family that lived in the house on the corner of the block my mother lived on.

One day as I was passing this house I noticed a wallet on the ground. I picked up and opened the wallet. I noticed the Address on the ID was the house on the corner and it was the mom of the family, a very nice lady. Me being a teenager, took all of the money out of the wallet(about $50) I then went back to the home and returned the wallet explaining I found it down the street. The mother was very relieved and grateful.

What always weighed on me is a few weeks later I passed the corner house as I often did and the lady stopped me. She wanted to thank me for returning the wallet and handed me a $50 bill. I tried to refuse it but she insisted.

I was rewarded for stealing. While it’s not a big secret it is something I always think about for some reason. I’ve never really had the heart to tell anyone this story.

16.) From RetiredUsernameMaker:

My mother is cheating on my father and my father is cheating on my mother, they both know I know this but made me promise not to tell the other parent. Parents are fucked up sometimes

17.) From MildredHubbleBubble:

Only I know that my mother-in-law killed her dog by sitting on it.

18.) From Cursethewind:

My dad cheated on my mom and invited the person over when I was 9. She was a severely overweight woman and my dad is also quite overweight. My parents were fighting but trying to work things out, they slept in separate rooms at this point.

Earlier that day I had jumped on his bed and broke the board supporting it on the bed frame. I wasn't allowed to do this and always got in trouble for this reason.

My mom smelled the fact that my dad had company because she smoked, in my house.

She asked if I jumped on the bed. I said no. I feared I'd get in trouble. I was surprised there was no follow up trying to prove my guilt.

Years later I remember why she asked and realize my lie basically incriminated him to fucking her. I'm sure he did but that got him kicked out of my house.

19.) From SlowFarm:

Me and my cousin took turns licking each others assholes when we were about 10 years old. I have vivid memory of it. We have never spoken of it since. Were both 25yo men now.

20.) From clone360:

My best friend will get married soon and I think its the greatest mistake of her life.

21.) From young_war:

This post is way too old for anyone to read that I masturbated to the demo version Outlaw Volleyball on the Xbox back in the day.

22.) From migrantworker:

My father-in-law died of a heart attack at a strip club. The cop told my wife and mother-in-law that it was "a bar". They assumed it was a sports bar.

My brother-in-law and I had to pick up the car from said strip club. We both pledged to never tell the rest of the family.

23.) From PoopSock10:

Once when I was 13 I went a week and a half without pooping. I was on a camping trip and something must’ve happened with the drinking water/my digestion. Took laxatives, nothing worked. My stomach was killing me but nothing would come out.

Then one evening after dinner, I felt it coming. I knew this was it. I bolted for the bathhouse, mentally preparing for the epic event. When I finally waddled in THE STALLS WERE ALL OCCUPIED.

At this point I’m freaking out, I’m literally going to shit my pants and in the woods with no means of cleaning. I waddle to the private shower attached to the bathrooms and my desperate mind starts solving problems like I’m Bradley Cooper in Limitless. Initially I think to just shit on the shower drain and waffle stomp it through, but I was not going to be that guy who ruined the nicest shower in the woods for everyone.

Like a bolt of lightening I knew what I had to do. So I pooped in the only piece of clothing I could spare: my sock.

Obviously my stomach was doing better now and I was hugely relieved. I brought the poop sock to the dumpster nearby and one of my friends saw me on the way. Before I could dispose of the poop sock he strikes up a conversation and starts asking questions about what I’m doing. Internally I’m panicking.

The best excuse I could come up with was that I found a sock in the shower stuffed with mud so I thought it best to throw it away. My friend affirms how good of a guy I am for doing that. I throw the poop sock into the dumpster and my problems are finally over. Mud in a sock is a ridiculous story but there’s absolutely no way he could’ve guessed that the real situation was much, much more bizarre. I’ve never told a soul about this until now. Never will again.

24.) From reflectorvest:

You know those stories about girls in the 70s who “went to live with an aunt” for a year during high school? I did that. In 2008.

I was a very naive teenager with irregular periods, and my friend thought it would be absolutely hilarious to buy those cheap pregnancy tests at Walmart and see what happened. We laughed the whole time, until one of them was positive. We couldn’t remember which was which so we got 2 more and turns out it was mine. That was when it dawned on me that I had had sex (my school did not offer any kind of sex education, and my parents were useless in that regard). I panicked and swore my friend to secrecy.

I basically put it out of my mind until my pants didn’t fit anymore. I was always close with one of my older cousins and we were talking on the phone one night when she asked how school was going and I just dumped all of it on her. She came up with the perfect plan. It was already April and when I’d finally gotten the courage to go to Planned Parenthood they’d told me I was due in August. So my cousin called my mom saying there was this amazing summer music program in her town that I just HAD to attend, and that I could stay with her the whole time. My mom thought it was great and the day after school ended I got on a plane to San Francisco. I stayed with my cousin, she went to all of my appointments with me, and she helped me find a social worker and eventually my daughter’s parents. When I arrived back home before my junior year of high school started, my mom asked me how my summer was without really caring and then remarked that I must’ve lost a few pounds.

My cousin died in 2012 in a car accident, and no one else knew apart from that one friend, the doctors I saw in Oakland, and the people involved in the adoption. I get a photo and a letter about the child once a year, and I send money for her college and a card for her birthday every year. When she turns 16, her parents are allowed to give her the cards if she wants them, but they are not permitted to pass any contact information along. I have no interest in meeting her or getting to know her personally. I know she’s safe and comfortable and that’s all I want. I will die before I tell anyone about her, and if my friend were to spill the beans I would deny it.

25.) From 44G6:

At my mom's boss's christmas party, my gf at the time and i had sex in front of the venue behind a pine tree.

26.) From SCREM122729:

I regret having kids. I’m not cut out for motherhood and there is not a maternal bone in my body. Maybe it’s PPD or just this stage of life but I will seek therapy. I love my kids and I will never say anything or hint about my feelings, it’s not their fault.

27.) From tipoima:

The fact I'm bisexual. Hello from Russia.

Congratulations on being blessed enough to exist at the same time as Keanu Reeves. Whether he's donating to charity or going viral for dating a woman in his own age bracket, this hunk with a heart of gold continues to put a smile on our faces and inspire heartwarmingly hilarious memes.

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If you're going to get words tattooed on your body for eternity (or at least until you can afford removal or cover-up), then it's highly advised you understand the language of your tattoo. In the very least, it's smart to consult with a friend who speaks the native language to make sure you don't accidentally ink something offensive on your body.

While this would seem like common sense - time and time again people use Google translate or shoddily printed tattoo book translations of Chinese and Japanese lettering to pick their permanent body art.

In most cases, even a botched translation is fairly innocuous, albeit silly. One of the most recent examples of this trend took plance when Ariana Grande recently got a 7 Rings tattoo that actually read: BBQ Grill.

In a popular Reddit thread, people who speak Japanese and Chinese shared the worst and most hilarious tattoos they've seen on English speakers.

1. Tanucks's classmate had a chicken wing hoodie.

I remember in elementary school my buddy had this really cool hoodie with Asian lettering and dragons n shit, anyway one day our sub tells him the only thing written on it was “chicken wing” he also told him there were multiple different languages on it all used incorrectly.

2. HuffMyJock met a girl with a fish tattoo.

Saw a girl with 魚 tattooed on her shoulder who swore up and down it meant poison... It means fish

3. nyaaaarp saw a jacked guy with a delicious tattoo.

I was on the subway in NYC and there was a guy who clearly lifted a lot. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt and on his jacked arms in chinese were the words “牛肉麵” or “Beef noodle soup” for everyone to see. Man looked ready to get the rest of his favorite restaurant’s menu tattooed on his body.

4. mattyypat has cock on their arm.

I have my Chinese zodiac in Chinese letters on my arm. I worked with a guy who was from China and spoke almost no English. When he saw it his eyes lit up, pointed at my arm and said "hahaha cock!". I'm the year of the rooster...

5. DerpysealzVI doesn't advocate for Google translate.

Please dont use google translate to translate tattoos, i once saw “i once am a katana”

6. KoGTRB's friend didn't get their name.

"tiny chicken" my friend got that thinking it said his name

7. Bangbangsmashsmash heard a tattoo artist give some real talk.

I didn’t see it, but I went with a friend to get a piercing, and I heard a guy say, I don’t like the way that looks, can you change this line and make the ends do this. The tattoo artist said, “Yea, but that changes the word, you might be going from brave to gay woman for all I know. You can’t change kanji symbols and still have it mean the same thing.”

8. whereegosdare84's friend got a very incorrect tattoo.

Not my story but a friend of mine.

She had a classmate in college with a kanji tattoo, confused she asked her what it meant.

“High princess”

Turns out it actually said “pig princess”

9. GoSuckAJellyfish found a tattoo that is too apt.

I was scrolling through the web at some tattoos for fun,a person said they got a tattoo that said "Strength and courage" in japanese. It actually said "Little animal,big mistake." Great quote imo,but I dont think they thought so after they got it permanently marked on their skin.

10. cmilkrun was corrected by a non-Chinese speaker.

Chinese speaker here. In high school I worked at a CVS. A white woman showed up at the register with a very poorly drawn 力 tattoo, and I said “cool tattoo, means power”. She scoffed and replied to me like I was satan himself, and said “you obviously don’t understand Chinese “letters” the tattoo artist told me it means the strength to overcome anything, even breast cancer...” then she rolled her eyes at me and walked away.

11. Cdnteacher92 knows exactly what their tattoo says.

I have 'Monkey' on my wrist because that's my Chinese zodiac. I know it's accurate because a Chinese guy asked me if I knew what it meant, and I'm sure he thought I would say 'faith' or 'love' or something, so when I said 'monkey' he looked so relieved. His friend was like 'you have GOT to stop doing that!'

Edit: Here's the tattoo if anyone is interested.

12. Olokojamkong doesn't know why the man had that tattoo.

I once saw this middle aged dude wearing "金魚佬" on his shoulder (the rough literary translation is "Goldfish Man"), which in cantonese means a sleazy older man who creeps on younger girls/children. Basically a pedo. Wonder under what circumstances he got that inked...

13. foxnfawn was given a free edit from a stranger.

A guy came up to my Mom and I and asked what character he had tattooed on his ankle. It was the word for fire in Chinese with an extra mark. When we told him there was a typo in the character, he said he knew it was fire but he added the extra line to make it look cooler.

14. marinegeo saw a muscle man with an unlikely tattoo.

a big muscley tough looking guy with “accommodation” written in big kanji down his bicep.

Later I considered that maybe he was a property developer tho...

15. MisterComrade feels bad for grandpa.

He thought it said “Love my grandson”. It translated to something like “I love fat boys”. I think it was a google translate failure of epic proportions.

16. oikorapunk has seen a few.

"Kitchen" - confused the kanji, what he wanted Ihave no idea. "Fat man" - he wanted "big guy" (tough guy?) apparently.

Ariana Grande's hand tattoo mix up was a huge deal in Japanese media for a while too.

17. Krusty_Krab_Pizza_ made a poetic mistake.

Gets a tattoo in google translate Japanese thinking it says “fear no one” but it really means “I fear everyone”

18. TheOriginalH1h had a student with a funny interpretation.

I had a student that transferred from Japan in high school who I was good friends with, a kid came in with a phrase in English that said “come to me if you wish to free your mind”

Then supposedly the same phrase in Japanese, she noticed and whispered the phrase to me which was “Hot bananas are peace”

19. Lmaooozedong has nothing but love for the princess.

40+ year old bald white guy with Chinese characters that translated as “I’m a cute little princess” on the length of his forearm.

Had a good laugh the rest of that day.

20. MrNightKnight saw a surprisingly honest shirt.

I used to live in China and it was considered 'fashionable' to have English lettering on your clothing regardless if you spoke English or not. I once saw an old woman literally in her 80s-90s with "drugs are my life" on her T-shirt. I guess at that age she's probably not wrong, but still.

I heard a rumor that there are other shows on Netflix besides The Office, but there's no way to tell for sure. If you're one of the many people who constantly binge on The Office reruns, you will appreciate the hell out of these memes. They are for true fans (and not Toby) only.

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Parents are, like, soooooooo embarrassing, amiright fellow teens?! JK I'm old and am now just grateful to have parents who are healthy, in my life, and nice human beings. But between the years of 1998 and 2004, I wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground anytime they said or did pretty much anything in front of my friends or in public—or in private.

A guy named Nick Harvey shared his mortifying story of the time his mom dragged him out of a punk concert at age 16:

Oooooooof.

The story went viral and now others are sharing their own memories of parent (and grandparent)-induced shame. Here are 31 people on the embarrassing moments they may never recover from:

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Whether you're starting a new class or a new job, meeting new people can be exciting — and it can also be a minefield.

It's tough to tell who's going to turn into your new bestie or your worst enemy, so some people keep a mental tally of red flags when meeting a new person.

Twenty-one people took to Reddit to share their pro tips for spotting a potentially bad person in a new situation. Check them out below.

1. Of course, there's always the whole pyramid scheme thing.

"Have you ever wanted to be your own boss? Do you want to earn some extra income?" - L00kAtTheAww

2. People who can only talk about themselves are also an issue.

When everything is about them. - contra11

3. Everyone needs to cancel sometimes, but there's no shame in de-friending a habitual flake.

If they make plans with you and the cancel later because they got a better offer. - brokendowndryer

4. I bet I hate one-uppers more than this person.

Always look out for the two-sheds: those people who can't go for five minutes without one-upping someone else. Not gentlemanly empathizing and sharing their experiences, but taking the whole "that's nothing; listen to my story" route. - InkMage94

5. This is called "love-bombing" and it's a red flag on several levels.

When a guy has absolutely nothing to say other than overly romantic/sexual stuff, or your possible future together, right after meeting.
It's creepy and you don't even get to know each other better cause there's no conversation happening. - Promptographer

6. If you spot a short fuse in someone early on, that can be a big red flag.

Gets angry over the smallest thing. The cashier shorted you a dollar when giving change? Mistakes happen. Doesn't mean he/she was trying to scam you. - i_am_a_goat_baa

7. People who brag about dubious professional accomplishments to strangers.

I met a guy in the US earlier this year and, after hello, he literally said "I'm a venture capitalist and I just made $10million from a company that Google bought out". He then started banging on about Google basically giving them money to go away. To be honest , I sympathised with Google.

(Caveat: it might have been Facebook or Microsoft. I stopped listening pretty quickly) - the_real_grinning_dog

8. Continual victim status isn't a good sign.

More specific to dating, but I f someone always plays the victim in their other relationships e.g. calling all their exes crazy. If they describe 1-2 people, ok maybe they had bad taste or got unlucky. If everyone they dated was “crazy”, then they should probably look in the mirror. - brutusjeeps

9. Smack-talking can be cathartic, but it's definitely not or reassuring to new friends.

I always watch out for people who introduce others badly. If the first thing you say about people is “omg this person looks funny” or “they’re a bitch” I’m going to wonder how they’ll think and talk about me to others. - brutusjeeps

10. People who spill all their own problems without ever turning the conversation back to you.

When they engage more about themselves than contribute to the conversation. I’ve met a few people who would talk all the problems they’ve had and would hardly ask any questions back. I’ve always felt so uncomfortable in these scenarios and usually don’t pursue in a relationship with these types of people. - binguchoi

11. People who expect others to clean up after them in public.

Leaving their rubbish on resturaunt tables or cinemas floors, being mean to their friends, being on their phone the whole time or constantly pushing their opinions onto you - Dirty_Rotten_Bastard

12. Saying things like "I'm an a-hole" as if it's a good thing.

They are proud calling themselves jerks, two-faced and other very questionable "qualities" - AlertWriter

13. Perving on children or teens is more than a red flag.

Had a cab driver yesterday afternoon who kept commenting on every school girl with a short skirt, so, that i guess - House_of_ill_fame

14. Being overly critical.

If they harshly critisise you for making a mistake.

It's fine to be annoyed with someone for making a mistake, but it's not ok to bully them over it.

I was called a r***** once as a teenager by a so called 'friend' because I bought her the wrong item for her birthday present.

I remember feeling like the most stupidest person on the planet. - awkwardlydancing

15. Moving too quickly into a friendship isn't a great sign.

You barely know them but suddenly you are their best friend. Everyone else is just AWFUL. You are so special and awesome. Especially at listening to their (many) problems. Because you are so empathetic and smart and insightful....Dont run. Sprint. - Whaleballoon

16. Complaining that turns into guilt-tripping: never fun.

Excessive guilt tripping. There's absolutely nothing wrong about talking about a rough home life, but when you bring it up every five minutes, it feels like you're fishing for compliments/begging for attention. - seirfemdeef

17. A bad gut instinct about someone is usually accurate.

Feeling worse after meeting them than you did before. Sometimes the person just seems off, but you can't put a finger on what exactly. Over time, you realize that your gut instinct was correct. - DeathSpiral321

18. Cheapness is usually terminal.

They always forget their wallet - jessimusic

19. Being pressured into social interaction is no fun.

the "why are you so quiet?" people. Like, I JUST met you Linda. - FrenchFrySensei

20. Bragging about one's popularity can be a sad red flag.

People who talk about all the people they know and how many friends they have.

Met a lady recently who was nice but just kept talking about how she has so many friends and is always meeting her friends and is so busy with how many people she knows.

Like look lady I get it. But where are your friends now? - elementalwatson

21. People who are nice to you and nasty to others are usually operators.

Inconsistency. Maybe they are super charming towards the senior staff but rude to juniors, maybe they are really charming and helpful to you but rude to serving staff, maybe they say they like all the same things that you do but when you probe them on a topic all you get is superficial answers. There are lots of ways someone can show inconsistency but it usually means that they want you (or someone) to think they are a certain kind of person when it's not who they really are. - betterintheshadebetterintheshade