If you're counting down the years, days, and minutes until you can finally retire, you're not alone. These memes will totally make you laugh and maybe even distract you from how much being at work really friggin' sucks.
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Winter hasn't even technically started and it already sucks. You're freezing, it's dark out at 2 PM, and summer is nowhere in sight. Warm-up by laughing at these hilarious anti-winter memes.
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We've saved you all the time of searching the internet for the funniest memes around and put them in this convenient list. Now you don't have to look at a bunch of your friend's baby photos and political posts and get straight to the laughs.
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Wake up, stretch, look at memes, repeat. Is there any better way to start your morning? I think not! Laugh it up now, and the rest of your day will be on the right track.
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Last night's American Music Awards ushered in a brand new season of awards show drama, and it looks like Jenna Dewan is the first celeb to spill some tea.
Actress Dewan was recorded whispering to her friend and eye-rolling while Camila Cabello performed at the AMAs last night. What does Dewan say in the clip? That's up for debate — but fans are pretty sure it wasn't a compliment.
In the clip, Camila is performing with her reported boyfriend, Shawn Mendes. Camila, in the crowd, turns to her seatmate and appears to say, "She's always extra."
Of course, none of us are professional lip-readers — but it really, really looks like Jenna's saying, "She's always extra."
Cabello fans think Dewan was saying, "She always sounds good."
Either way, the clip quickly went viral, to the point where Dewan responded on her Instagram Story.
Dewan said she's been getting comments saying she shaded Cabello. "I don't know what that's about," she said, insisting that she's a huge fan of the singer.
Based on the video, it seems Dewan might not have seen the clip of her appearing to call Cabello extra — or maybe she did see it but she's still sticking to the "no shade" story.
Fans are losing it over the interaction — and they're not really buying Dewan's no-shade defense.
They couldn't help but notice her eye roll and the surprised face she made when she apparently realized she was on camera.
And many agree with Dewan's assessment: Cabello and Mendes's double act is a lot to handle.
They did a repeat performance of their new "will-they-or-won't-they-kiss" shtick.
And they didn't kiss.
Either way, it looks like Jenna Dewan might have some new fans this morning.
We all have our Thanksgiving dinner favorites — and we all have those weirdo dishes we try to avoid.
Journalist Maya Kosoff recently sent out a tweet requesting "weird inexplicable retro family recipes" that family members won't stop making.
Kosoff herself shared the first example: "seafoam salad," which appears to be neither seafoam nor salad.
Her followers delivered, and then some. Photos and descriptions of wildly unappetizing foodstuffs started flying in. Check them out below — and please don't ever combine grape jelly and Tostito's salsa, okay?
We live in a time where everything humans have ever learned is available with just one quick search. While it's an impressive feat, it's also pretty daunting.
Children now don't know a time before the internet, and they definitely don't remember a time when if you didn't remember the name of an actor in a movie you would have to delay a conversation by fifteen minutes until someone shouted it out. There's no excuse now for not knowing something, and especially no excuse for being too lazy to learn.
In the medical field, the internet can make things complicated. Patients have access to unlimited medical journals and of course, the devil that is Web MD. If you type in "I have a headache" the internet will tell you that you have terminal cancer within two minutes. Sure, knowledge saves lives, but it also can make the lives of people in the medical field a whole lot harder.
So, when a recent Reddit user asked, "Doctors of Reddit, what is your worst case of "I googled my symptoms?" experts were ready to share their tales from the examining room.
I had a grade school kid tell me he had a brain tumor. Turns out he put a dried bean in his ear and forgot about it.
I try to ask my patients if they have googled their symptoms. It gives me a lot of information about what they are worried about. I then try to stay humble about their findings, and try to not be a jerk about that. Trust is not built by telling people they are stupid. However, it is hard to keep a straight face when a 50-year old male walks in and says “I think I have caught the Down’s syndrome”, or when a young women thought she had testicular cancer.
Paramedic student here. Last week we had a call for an imminent delivery. Pt started having abdominal pain that would last a little bit and stop. And about 2-3 min later would start again. She googled her symptoms and everything she found was saying she was in labor. She called her husband and he told her to call 911. We walked in as the baby was crowning. She had no idea she was pregnant.
I went to a doctor one time and he googled my question in front of me...
Had a patient come in and tell us she is having vision issues that are new. Ok lets have a look........ oh, looks like you placed a contact over a contact...... 27 times.
Paramedic here, and the worst instance I can think of was a young, fit woman who decided she was having a stroke after (and openly admitting she had) Googling ''headache''.
I'd say about 3/4 times a year I get a new, young, male that has googled their symptoms and determined they need a smear test.
Yes you read that right.
A few men look for advice for their symptoms online and will end up on mumsnet or the like and see women saying get a smear test, without them actually knowing what it is.
I always have to leave the room to excuse myself whilst I have a laugh.
Student Nurse here: I picked up a shift in the Emergency Department as a healthcare assistant. (student life and no money, needs must, also I bloody love working in A&E) Completed a triage of a 19yr old student on a Monday. Mondays in A&E are absolute shite, it's either really poorly people or just utter shite. There's just no in between really. Said she suffered 'abdo pain and vomiting' the Sunday morning. I asked what brought her in today? she said 'well Google said so' I was like okay... I told the practitioners and the leading triage Nurse. Said student, then proceeded to tell the nurse she was vomiting, meer hours after getting home from night out. Apparently she hadn't realised alcohol could make you vomit. Poor girl.. A three year drinking binge (student life) and she didn't realise vomiting was a symptom of drinking, she had a lot to learn.
I know I'm a student myself, I'm a mature student myself so you know, I've been there done there got the t-shirt.
Been a vet tech for years, had a lady come in once to check a "cancerous growth"... It was her dogs nipple.
Had a parent bring a child in to see me stating that she wanted to get the kid "checked out." I asked what for. She said, "I don't know, a lot of stuff is going around. I read facebook." So she brought this kid in to the EMERGENCY department who had NO symptoms to be checked out for diseases that she could not even narrow down. Needless to say, I sent her and her asymptomatic child home.
I had a patient who googled "pimples in penis" when it actually was a chancre from syphilis primary stage. Thanks God he paid a visit to me, and I advised him not to google his symptoms again.
Had a patient come into the ED with a headache. We gave her a “migraine cocktail” of medication and her headache subsided. As we were trying to discharge her, her husband insisted that she be tested for EEE because he read about how 3 horses in the state had been diagnosed with it. Just...no
“I have a pain in my side. It’s an ovarian cyst.”
I don’t know how to explain this to you sir but...
Running a small business can bring up a complicated web of emotional and ethical questions. On one hand, it takes a lot more work and savvy to stay afloat if you don't have the cush of a corporation with huge investments. On the other hand, running a small business means you can call the shots and create a space that is more personal and community oriented.
While a lot of corporate shops are swift to kick out homeless people even if they're genuinely looking around to find a space to hang out, small businesses often serve as a haven where neighbors can actually get to know each other and move past the judgments of classism. Particularly, during a time when income inequality is soaring and homelessness is on the rise everywhere. Statistically, most Americans are more likely to become homeless than rich.
While the concept of treating our homeless neighbors like any other neighbor shouldn't be that complicated in action, there is still a lot of fear and stigma around homelessness.
When the San Diego-based Nomad Donuts received a one star review from a customer who felt uncomfortable around Ray, a homeless man who regularly hangs out there, the owner gave a thorough and gracious response.
The review read: "A homeless guy has lived (morning noon and night) against the front entrance for about a year. Really makes me feel great about spending $5 on a jelly donut."
He wrote:
Hi,
Thanks for coming into the shop. We've appreciated your support over the years, even at the original one on 30th St! I'm sorry that Ray ruined your experience on your last visit. Know that he would like you to continue buying $4 donuts from Nomad everyday and doesn't want you to feel guilty about it.
Our "new" location on University has a lot more homeless people than the original on 30th St and it had really been an issue until Ray started hangin out outside the shop. He keeps the problematic ones away. Yes we've had many of those on meth, heroin and such that I've had almost forcibly removed from the shop but Ray keeps them away.
Ray is a former computer programmer with some physical and psychological challenges but he is very intelligent and respectful. I speak with him almost everyday. I like him. He is part of our community. The outside of the building provides him shelter from the sun, rain and the building slabs gives warmth at night.
I understand how you feel, it's not easy to look at. I know I probably lose some business, possibly yours too, because of my choice not to chase him away but I won't. He's not looking for handouts and he tries not to bother anyone. If you stop and talk with him maybe you'll come to like him too.
Respectfully,
Brad K.
Brad ended the response by saying that he understands that if the customer took the time to talk to Ray, they'd likely get along with him as well.
What makes this response work so well is that Brad centered Ray as an individual while also inviting the customer to engage a compassionate perspective on their homeless neighbors. Given the obscene amounts of wealth in the United States, it's a gigantic humanitarian failing that there are any homeless people at all. There are more than enough resources to house and rehabilitate people, we'll just have to pry it from the cold, dead hands of the super rich.
We all had subjects in school that we excelled at and some that we just, barely got through. One of the benefits of being an adult is choosing a career path that you're naturally good at, and getting even better at skills you already possess. However, kids aren't so lucky. Even if geometry just isn't your thing, you're going to have to suffer through it for at least two years, disappointing many people along the way...
Most of us graduate from high school and forget about the classes that tormented us until we have kids and are reminded that we don't actually know how to do a geometric proof and we never did. If your kids need help with their homework, they'll look to you: the all-knowing adult wizard. Pay no attention to the math failure behind the curtain! Don't beat yourself up if you don't know the answers, though--remember they made an entire television show called "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" We're all useless!
Here are some parents who are struggling through their kids' homework to make us all feel better about not remembering you have to solve the equation inside the parentheses first...
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Surviving a home invasion is one of the worst feelings out there. Not only does your home now feel exposed and unsafe, but you're also saddled with replacing the valuables you can while figuring out how to feel safe again.
Obviously, no victim of burglary is responsible for someone else's crime. If a thief targets you, that is on them, not you. However, there are tips and tricks that can make it easier to protect yourself from home invasion - and who among us doesn't want to feel a bit safer?
LED lighting is cheap these days.
If your house is gonna be vacant for a while, consider investing in one of those smart-lighting home automation systems where you can set different rooms to turn on and off at different points in the day. (Kitchen during dinnertime, bedrooms at night, etc.)
My neighbor did that and it fooled me. I rang his doorbell to ask to borrow a pressure washer wand, with no response. Figured he was with family and wasn't taking any more visitors, but turns out he's been on vacation for the past four days.
This doesn't exactly answer the question asked, but it is a tip on potentially protecting your valuables. Bear with me because it's a bit strange: Glue a spare key (not one that opens something important) under your door mat. Weird right?
A few years ago I did this in addition to installing cameras. Over the last couple of years I've seen this exact scenario play out: thief walks to the door, checks under the mat, unsuccessfully tries to grab the key, backs up, looks around to see if anyone is watching (presumably because they think they have fallen for some trap/prank where they are being surveilled), and LEAVES. They don't even search for another way in because it spooks them.
Had my house burglarized by a so called friend. He missed by far the most valuable thing. it’s just a safe sitting on the laundry room floor. He missed it because I’m a scumbag and had it covered with a mountain of dirty clothes and towels. So not being tidy saved me upwards of 35k.
For the college kids that might read this, don't keep your textbooks in your car. On the day of my finals I had about 6 textbooks I was gonna sell after my finals, I left the books in my car while I took my tests. Came back to find someone broke my window out to steal the textbooks. Cop told me that it's very common and unlikely they will catch the guy, so I was out ~$700, which was huge as a college student.
I've seen people make false outlets for hiding valuables like cash and jewelry. Just an idea, a burglar would have to be at your home for a long time to start checking outlets.
I'm going to keep a small safe in the living room with a giant foam middle finger inside for when the day comes.
We had our apartments burgled, there were four apartments in the area. Guy kicked down the door, and apparently was in a out pretty quickly.
I came home from work, cop told me, never leave valuables in your nightstand. Might have even said bottom drawer. Sure enough mine were checked, i could tell because my envelopes were moved from where i placed them.
Don’t keep spare key near front door.
Under pot plant, under door mat, top of door frame etc
Obligatory never done it but you’d be surprised at how often people leave their cars unlocked with nice things inside. A lot of people actually leave them unlocked with the keys inside lol, it’s how the majority of cars are stolen. Eliminating the easy opportunity is the easiest step and will do a lot to keep your valuables safe.
My cousin lives in a bad neighborhood, so she went to a thrift store, bought an obvious looking jewelry box and a bunch of expensive looking costume jewelry that’s actually worthless and put it in the box. She keeps this in a conspicuous place. Then she leaves a few 20’s on top. This way if someone breaks in, they will grab this and run, ignoring some of her well hidden valuables.
Your shed.
Seriously.
LOCK YOUR F*CKING SHED.
Even if your house is well locked, if your shed isn't I likely have access to a plethora of tools I can use to gain access. Don't help the burglar. Lock your shed.
Any safe that's not bolted down and is small enough for 1-2 people to carry isn't safe at all.
Also, my ex's grandfather had a safe stolen from his home that was bolted down - the thieves wrapped a chain around it and ran it out the window to a truck. Took the safe straight through the wall.
All they had to do was follow the drag marks though... But still.
Don't leave things out that people can see from outside your home or car.
If you buy a new TV or computer break down the box it came in. Don't just leave it by your garbage bin.
Lock doors and windows.
Keep your handbag close and closed.
If someone wants to break in they will. Don't keep everything out in the open. And have insurance on anything that is valuable.
A safe. Also, almost all locks are bullshit unless you had a locksmith put in security pins, but the robbers can just take the safe and figure it out later if time is an issue.
edit: On the lock issue, if you are in the US, there are about 5 major door lock manufacturers, a thief can have just 5 bump keys, plus a few others just in case, and get in your house easily. A bump key is just a referenced key that is ground down to 4 or 5 equal triangular points. When inserted with the proper bump key to the lock, you just bump the back of the key with a rubber mallet and try to time the turn when all of the pins align. Usually just takes about 5 tries or less.
I heard a lot of people hide stuff in the air vents, is it searched usually?
Also, my mum used to hide what little valuables we had in a small space behind our washing machine, a really heavy one. Except if you knew it was there you couldn't know there was a space here, and that it was accessible.
She had to spend 10-15 minutes hiding stuff because it was really hard to access, so I guess that burglars wanting to do their thing as quickly as possible wouldn't spend time looking there.
Obligatory "not a burglar" but I did work at bank. Another teller told me about how this woman brought in a flower pot to the girl's teller station. The bank teller was understandably confused when the woman pointed at the flower pot and says, "I need to make a deposit." Turns out, this woman had planted thousands of dollars in her flower pot over the years. The problem? She watered that flower for years with the money planted in the soil.
Not only that, but she wrapped every bill in duct tape to keep the water from messing up the bills. The teller had to dig into the pot, and help this woman unwrap money from duct tape. The teller said the worst part was the bills were soggy and moldy when they unwrapped them, so most of them were torn, or the ink was faded beyond readability so the woman lost money.
Don't put your money in flower pots or wrap it in duct tape.
EDIT to clarify to anyone who has questions:
I have no idea why this lady did this except that she must have thought it kept her cash safe.
I was told this story by my coworker when I first started as a bank teller. She was always a truthful person so I have reason to believe her, however, I recognize this is hearsay in terms of storytelling. I'm just repeating what I was told.
The government does take damaged bills back and refunds you your money if you meet their guidelines (links to said Bureau and guidelines are in many comments below). Please utilize this if you are worried about your bill's integrity.
Also, I worked at a credit union so we were required to do ridiculous and odd things like this for customers. This is just one in many strange stories I heard and/or experienced. To understand our (the tellers') line of thinking, please note that any signs of a customer being unhappy was dealt with by being verbally reprimanded in front of the customer, even if we were following policy.
Not a burglar, but our home has been broken into. We only had the one-bedroom at the time, but the places that the burglar looked into were: the closet (everything was thrown out), desk drawers (found a bit of cash and our passports were taken), the entry furniture (drawers), under the bed / bedside tables. At least now I know where not to hide valuables. Not that I have any.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I better hide it in the freezer now.
Edit2: typo, burglar not burgler
Not a burglar but grew up in a high crime area & knew some boys out there “ hitting licks.” Bit off topic, but there were some guys that would ride a bike through busy parking lots searching for women loading up after shopping & leaving their purse unattended in their shopping cart. Ride by & snatch. Then have a getaway route that a full sized vehicle can’t follow them through.
We had a huge safe that takes 2-3 people to move. They broke into my house and flipped everything all over searching, but when they found the safe they left everything else and focused on taking that. I even had IPads and Rolex watches lying around in open. Point is, we kept the safe empty, would only keep a few fake pieces of jewelry in case there was ever a home invasion we could offer them something to take.
My mother has a closet filled with food supplies, boxes of bags of spices and such. There's at least 3 dozen such boxes at all times in said closet. ONE OF THEM, and she replaces it regularly so the expiration date remains relevant, she opens up carefully, fills with valuables, and then carefully closes back up.
She had me try to find which one of the boxes it was. I genuinely couldn't tell from sight alone, only the slightly different heft tipped me off after 10 minutes. No burglar will ever find that stash.
Pro tip: Hide your small valuables inside a used/empty fire extinguisher, no one is going to steal a fire extinguisher...
I'm not a burglar, but no one else in this thread is either. I am, however, a police officer.
Hiding your valuables is fine, but ideally you don't want to get even to the point where someone is in your house. Most people worried about where to hide their valuables would be better off spending time considering their house's security from the outside.
My advice:
Front perimeter. Unless you have a gated mansion then your front door is going to be accessible from the street. That means there is no benefit security-wise in high fences, prickly hedges, etc. All these do is screen your house from view, making it far easier for someone to break into without being seen. If you're looking at two houses and only one can be seen from the road then you're 100% going to be breaking into the other. That's why picket fences, low hedges/walls, etc. are ideal. A gravel driveway is a nice touch too - nice and noisy so anyone approaching your house makes their presence known.
Rear perimeter. Completely the opposite advice is true here. At least here in the UK, the rear of most houses is shielded from view, so anyone getting into your back garden will have undisturbed access to your house. So you want to shield your house from view and make access difficult. Tall hedges, solid fences, prickly bushes, etc. are your friends.
Flat rooves. Here in the UK it's common to have a single story garage with a flat roof attached to your house. Often the house will have a window that opens over it. That window needs to be closed.
Exterior lighting, cameras and alarms. Both make a house much less attractive to a burglar. Lights (both motion-sensing and just a simple porch light) make someone scoping out the house or trying to force entry much more visible. Cameras and alarms are pretty obvious deterrents. Again, it's about making your house a less tempting target than others as opposed to creating an impenetrable fortress.
Sheds. Sheds are a soft touch for burglary. Garden tools, bikes, DIY tools, etc. are expensive and very easy to sell second hand. Go on Ebay and look at the price of a decent second hand petrol mower or leaf blower - that's easy money and low risk when you consider that it takes about 2 seconds to cut off a padlock and no-one will be sleeping in the shed. Don't leave expensive kit in sheds, cover the windows so that the contents can't be readily seen, and install motion-sensing lighting to cover them. If you're keen as mustard, there are even cheap wireless alarms that link to basically a doorbell in the house. But the best advice is just be sensible what you're storing there.
Breaking and entering tools. Don't leave your ladders and other tools that can be used to break into your house readily accessible outside it. I've seen houses with open upstairs windows and a set of ladders stored visibly down one side of the house. If you're leaving out tools that a burglar can use to break into your house then you're doing it wrong.
Tradesmen. When you park your van outside your house you are saying "I've got expensive tools here". Don't leave them in your van.
Letterboxes. This probably isn't an issue for the states, but here in the UK we have letterboxes through our front doors. Most people also keep their house and car keys by the front door. If you can look through your letterbox and see your keys then you need to move them - they can easily be hooked through the letterbox using e.g. the top segment of a fishing rod. Then someone will be driving around in your car with a set of keys to your house.
Spare keys. Don't hide a key outside your house. Certainly don't hide it in a fake rock etc. If you absolutely must, then at least bury it in a flower bed or something. You're better off leaving a key with a friend (or burying it in their flower bed, if you must) - but don't give it to them with a keyring identifying your house! Also, don't leave a spare key in your car - someone breaking into your car won't need to look up your address - there'll always be some paperwork or other in there that identifies it.
Perhaps most importantly, get to know your neighbours and share your plans with them. If you're going away for a week then tell them. Neighbours who generally know each others' habits will notice when there is a strange van parked in your drive, or lights are mysteriously turning on whilst you're out of town. And they'll be more likely to act rather than minding their own business.
Be conscious of what you can see through your windows. For example, as you approach my front door you walk past the window to a room full of various computing kit that look expensive. When I'm not using the room, I normally close the blind simply to conceal what's inside - otherwise I'm suggesting to anyone calling at the house for any reason that there is expensive gear lying around the place.
Finally, break into your house. Or at least, figure out how you would. That will show you the weaknesses. When I was a student I was really bad at locking myself out of the house and would regularly need to break in. I've climbed the back fence to access a backdoor I suspected was left unlocked, used a piece of card to flick open the locks on sash windows, managed to wriggle down an old coal chute into the cellar, etc. Each time I'd fix the problem but next time I was faced with the need to get inside I'd find another way in. It's a very helpful exercise to test your security.
Imagine how absolutely terrible a person you need to be in order to lose a job you literally got because you were born.
Prince Andrew is one of the highest-profile people to face consequences for the Jeffrey Epstein scandal, other than of course Jeffrey Epstein himself. Queen Elizabeth II's third child delivered a disastrous interview about his friendship with Epstein, in which he claimed that he couldn't have had sex with one of Epstein's teenage wards because she described him as "sweaty" and his royal sweat glands were in shock after the Falklands War.
Virginia Roberts Guiffre, the accuser photographed with Prince Andrew and Ghislaine Maxwell in the now-infamous photo, assures that the photo has been confirmed as real by the FBI.
While the royal family has endured dozens of scandals that make a great Netflix show, the Queen concluded that Prince Andrew's pedophilia and ghastly public relations skills weren't worth the trouble.
"The Queen summoned the Duke to Buckingham Palace to tell him her decision," a friend of Andrew's told the Sun. "It is unlikely he will ever perform royal duties again. He is disgraced."
The 59-year-old boy will no longer get his £250,000 taxpayer-funded allowance, and mummy went and cancelled his birthday party.
Royal watchers are saying that not only does this grotesque scandal set up a future episode of The Crown, it also puts the future of the monarchy in jeopardy, as British papers are filling up with "it's time to abolish the monarchy" op-eds. When/if the Queen dies, her heir Prince Charles becomes king, and some people don't want to sing about the guy who wanted to be his mistress's tampon.
Speaking of controversies involving women named Camilla, a shot of Jenna Dewan in the audience during Camila Cabello's performance at the American Music Awards had people screaming "Shade! Shade! Shade!"
At last night's Mini Grammys, Cabello and Shawn Mendes sang their hit song "Senorita," complete with Cabello's bumping and grinding the air. While Cabello was humping the sky, Dewan was spotted rolling her eyes and whispering to Brad Goreski, "she's always so extra."
The clip went viral, and immediately after the awards show wrapped up, Dewan took to her Instagram Story for her limo and said that no, she wasn't shading Cabello and is actually a total stan. Yas queen.
While that doesn't square well with the footage we saw with our own eye-holes, Dewan clearly has no interest in starting a feud, and that sucks for all of us. It's a Bad Monday™ for everyone wanting a good, old-fashioned celebrity feud to distract us from an increasingly dark reality.
Can a celebrity please just take one for the team and just call another celeb stupid? We need a dumb fight Now More Than Ever.
An Alaska Man (it's like a colder, grungier Florida Man) was arrested in Anchorage for attempting to smuggle 740 grams of heroin and 389 grams of methamphetamine onto the mainland in a fish box full of rotting goat guts.
The Associated Press reports that the man, officially named Cenen Placencia but hereafter known as Goat Gut Guy, checked a box as luggage that smelled extremely suspicious. Human investigators smelled the scent of rotting meat, and as it thawed, a police dog smelled the scent of drugs.
Goat Gut Guy insisted that he did not know about the drugs within the intestines, but did pack the box himself and bought the guts for his own consumption.
Buying goat guts just for the goat guts is way more embarrassing. He should have just confessed to having the drugs.
Devin Nunes, one of Donald Trump's most vocal defenders in Congress, has a lot in common with the boss man. First of all, he is extremely thin-skinned—so thin-skinned that he is suing a fake cow who dared to make fun of him. In another, more important part of Nunes's Trump tribute act, the Ranking Member of the House Intelligence Committee was also allegedly involved in the conspiracy to get dirt on Joe Biden from Ukrainians.
The lawyer for one of the recently indicted Rudy Giuliani lackeys told CNN that Nunes met with former Ukrainian Prosecutor General Victor Shokin last December in Vienna, Austria. Getting something of value from a foreign national for electioneering purposes is a crime. It's the kind of crime that launches special counsel investigations and impeachment inquiries.
When asked about his alleged Vienna meetup on Fox Business, Nunes refused to answer and instead started ranting about CNN, a popular strategy in Republican circles.
If this is true, it means that the Ranking Member of the committee holding hearings into Trump's dealings with Ukraine to get dirt on Biden had dealings with Ukraine to get dirt on Biden himself.
CNBC is now reporting that Nunes had his aides cancel a trip to Ukraine when they found out that they would have had to tell House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff about it. He certainly knows now.
Well, he's certainly going down now.
The holidays can be a lot of things. They can be a time to express love and gratitude, to cuddle up with family and friends and let them know how much you care. They can also be a time full of stress, petty fights, and a depressing focus on materialism and who has external markers of success. Last, but certainly not least, perhaps the best way to take advantage of the holidays is with loving trolling, pranks, and call-backs to inside jokes.
My mom played the best prank ever on Thanksgiving 10 years ago. Reddit, have any of your parents ever pranked you during the holidays?
When I was 10, my mother's family decided to come up from Guatemala and pretend to be Americans so they could "experience" Thanksgiving for shits and giggles. We had about 12 people to feed.
When it came time to prepare the turkey I was ecstatic. My train of thought the entire time was "HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!! I'M MAKING DINNER AND IT'S GONNA BE A-F*CKING-MAZING!! YEAH!!"
After all was said and done, I go out to play with my friends and come back to the house at around 4:30-ish to start getting ready. I'm chilling in my room when my mom bursts through my door, screaming "ADMIRALNANO!! COME!! COME TO THE KITCHEN QUICK!! SOMETHING HAPPENED!! SOMETHING BAD!!" I panic. I knew, I just fucking knew something happened to the turkey. I yell at her "DID IT CATCH ON FIRE?! OH MY GOD!! IT CAUGHT ON FIRE!! DID IT CATCH ON FIRE!?!?! TELL MEEEEE!!!"
We stop right at the entrance to the kitchen and my mom dramatically turns to me and whispers in a panicked voice "I....I...don't know what we're going to do. We don't have a backup plan." I push through her and open the oven. The foil covering the turkey is still over the dish hiding my nightmare. My mom steps next to me and lifts it with a pair of tongs unveiling a baked cornish hen. I screamed bloody murder.
"WHAT THE HELL MOM?! IT WAS A 24 LB TURKEY WHEN WE SHOVED IT IN THERE!! WHAT HAPPENED?! OH MY GOD!! WE HAVE 10 OTHER PEOPLE TO FEED BESIDES YOU AND ME!!!! WE DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER FOOD TO OFFER!! THEY FLEW UP JUST FOR THIS!! OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! THANKSGIVING IS CANCELLED!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ORDER PIZZA OR SOMETHING!! WHY DID YOU LET THE TURKEY SHRINK?!!!?!"
I'm bawling at this point, freaked out beyond belief that my "perfect" family Thanksgiving has just been cancelled. I turn away and start heading towards the balcony to tell our family when suddenly my mom grabs my arm and sinks to the floor in a hysterical fit of laughter. I looked at her puzzled, and followed her into the kitchen where she opened a bottom cupboard revealing the 24 lb animal cooked to perfection. She continued laughing for another 20 minutes while I just sat on the floor questioning my family's sanity and my own.
To this day, I still don't know how she didn't break character and crack up.
Tl;DR: My mom swapped our Thanksgiving turkey with a cornish hen nearly giving my 10-year old self a heart attack, for shits and giggles.
BONUS: I got both drumsticks that year.
So what fucked up/awesome holiday pranks did your parents pull on you?
My parents gave me socks for Christmas when I was little. I was supremely upset, but I knew they'd discipline me hardcore if I complained, so I accepted it and pretended to be grateful. I started to begrudgingly check out my bland new socks out when a 50 popped out of them, and they started laughing their asses off while I looked at the bill dumbfounded.
I'm 23 now, and they're still fantastic. :D
When I was a kid, we went to a farm for Thanksgiving and they slaughtered our turkey. They cut the feet off, and I took them and put them inside my sweater, and grab them as if they were my hands. I was small enough that the ratio was such that it could have looked like I really did have scaly reptilian hands. My mom was laying on the couch taking a nap so I went up to her quietly, and touched her cheek with one of my new hands.
When she started to stir I started screaming "IM CHANGING! IM CHANGING! IT HURTS SO BAD!!!" She freaked the fuck out and started screaming like crazy. She tried to back up against the back of the couch and went over the edge of it and it took several members of my family to calm her down. Still, nobody took my new hands away.
Man... I don't know if this is a prank so much as a mystery.
So when I was little my mom would go all out for holidays in very creative ways. Every holiday "deity" was on par with Santa, complete with elaborate back-stories and explanations for every inconsistency (although to be fair the explanation was usually "magic!") For example....
On Easter we each got a basket filled with treats, but had to go through elaborate treasure hunts to get them. My mom would write hints on notecards, which led us all throughout the house, the yard, maybe even the whole neighborhood. (we later realized she would hide the baskets while we were out of the house and well into our hunt, in order to guarantee that we wouldn't accidentally find them before going through all the hints.) Also-- in order to back up the story that the Easter Bunny was somehow able to fit through the mail slot to deliver said goodies-- she bought a giant rubber rabbit foot stamp and made chocolate f*cking paw prints all over the door, walls, etc. That's commitment, people.
But I digress.
Every year on St. Patrick's day, my mom dyed everything green. Green milk, green pancakes, GREEN! She said that we had to do this because the impish leprechauns would be out and about causing mayhem all day, and the only way to catch their speedy little asses was to bait them with their favorite color. We'd set traps with a dish of food set under a shoebox, propped on a string, and our gullible butts parked around the corner waiting for the telltale "flash of sparkly green" (Because leprechauns are apparently too fast to see with the naked eye. Also very small.)
My parents would sit and watch our shenanigans, no doubt holding back their hysterical laughter.
So here's the thing. While we were waiting for the leprechauns to take the bait, there would inevitably be a loud clatter somewhere else in the house. When we ran to see what the noise was, there would be a bunch of chocolate wrapped gold coins all over the floor. We lived in a very large, old and noisy house, so that we could easily hear this happening from a floor up or down.
Keep in mind that every single member of our household was present and accounted for at the leprechaun baiting.
The places where the coins fell were too far from us for my mother to have simply tossed them over our heads while we were distracted.
They also often fell in very stark, empty areas of the house where hidden stashes of coins or other complicated methods of coin dispersal were impossible to hide. The go-to spot seemed to be our upstairs hallway, which had all hardwood floors, sparse track lighting, absolutely no furniture, and only one entry point... which my mother would have had to pass us to use.
As we grew older, we grew more suspicious. We started to investigate our mother, all year long. Middle of August? Let's go figure out where the fuck mom is hiding her method of chocolate coin dispersal. These witch-hunts caused some unfortunate and untimely discoveries... like all of our baby teeth stashed in mom's nightstand (no more tooth fairy, womp womp). We also solved the riddle of the missing Victoria's Secret catalogs... thanks for the mental image, dad. But we never figured out how the hell my mom managed to be two places at once, every St. Patrick's day.
We're all in our 20's and 30's and she still refuses to tell us how she did it.
When I was very little, my dad would talk in a high pitched voice when I wasn't looking. The voice told me he was a little bird and he was my friend. We would talk all the time and I would beg him to come out from where he was hiding and visit me. It started on a very long road trip to visit my grandparents and he continued to do it once we got home.
One day I was looking under all the furniture trying to find the little bird while we talked and I spun around suddenly and caught him in mid-sentence. It was kind of devastating.
Every Christmas, my brother and I would visually inspect the gifts under the tree to see what belongs to who and to guess what they could be (since we weren't allowed to touch/rearrange them). One year, there was a big box all the way in the back that didn't have a name on it, so we asked our mom who it was for. She said "It's for your dad. It's a ##-piece gift set for men; you know, with a wallet and a flask and stuff." We thought it was a pretty cool idea, and we let it go. Tune in to Christmas morning, we hand him the box excitedly, waiting to see his reaction to this gift.
He goes to start opening it, then says "Hey, why don't you guys help me open it?" shrug Sweet, more wrapping paper to shred. Paper comes off... aaaand it's a Playstation 2. We lost our minds for a good minute or so, before we turned on our mom (with a video camera in hand) and start hysterically screaming "YOU LIED! YOU LIED TO US! YOU'RE A LIAR!" She thought it was hilarious. And it was. We were beyond ecstatic. Favorite part is watching that tape years later and hearing our childish, squeaky voices. :)
Not a holiday prank, but still awesome. After my Bar Mitzvah my family all gathered at my grandparents house and gave me gifts then. It started with the usual, cards with checks, clothes, gift cards...and then I get a box with no name on it.
So I unwrap the box, and inside is a book about stars and planets. I'm confused, so my grandmother asks if I want to trade what's in that box for another wrapped package. So not quite knowing what's going on I agree. This one is a little model of a space shuttle. Cue same quizzical look, followed by an offer to trade for a slightly larger box. I trade up to a tshirt and hat that have the NASA logo on them.
This routine continues until I've traded up to a check for 500 dollars, and have added a blank plane ticket, a water bottle, and a pair of aviator sunglasses as well.
The entire time that I've been opening boxes, my father and uncles are nowhere to be found, and the whole family is acting like the audience at a taping of The Price is Right. So finally my dad and uncles walk into the room wearing identical plain grey sweatshirts and holding one last package..it looks like a picture in a frame. One final time they ask me if I want to trade for what they have, or keep everything else I've already opened.
Half of the people in the room are yelling to keep what I've got, the other half are saying to open it. I bite the bullet and take the wrapped frame. As I open it, Dad and my uncles all spin around and start taking off their sweatshirts. I'm confused again, so I look down at the picture.
It's not a picture...It's a certificate good for a session at Space Camp in Huntsville the following summer. I look up and they're all standing there wearing Space Camp t-shirts with giant grins on their faces. I'm sitting there in absolute shock before it hits me...IM GOING TO FREAKING SPACE CAMP!!!!!!!
I lost it. I was laughing, crying, happy, overwhelmed…I’d talked about wanting to go to Space Camp since I was about 6 years old. They all got together and made it happen. Even 11 years later I remember the feeling of pure joy when I saw that certificate, and that 2 weeks in Huntsville the following summer were absolutely amazing.
I don't know if this counts as a prank, but for my 6th birthday my mom chased me around the house with a live lobster... to this day I fear most arthropods...
This happened around the year I was born, actually, but it's a famous little joke my parents played that was talked about in my family for years.
Anyway, my older brothers really wanted an NES. It was the only thing they wanted for Christmas, but my family was pretty poor and my parents told them over and over that it wasn't likely they'd get it, but their little hearts just refused to give up hope. Christmas day they open their presents and... nope. No NES.
My one brother was upset the most - he'd been the one most vehement about getting the system, but he was trying to be happy with what he got. After a couple hours my parents told him to scrub out the oven so they could get the ham going, and my brother was pissed. Come on, having to do stuff? On Christmas? Can't they just cook it in the oven as it is? My dad basically said to shut up and do what he was told. So my brother glumly went over to the oven and opened it up... and there was the Nintendo, with a couple games. He was ecstatic.
He couldn't play it until after he scrubbed the godd*mn oven, though.
There was a HUGE box under the Christmas tree one year. My sister and I were so anxious to open it. Our parents finally wake up and we're crawling around the tree and sizing up presents like lions chasing after gazelles.
My father says "wait, don't open anything! I have to go to the bathroom real quick!"
We're sitting there patiently, waiting for the sound of him washing his hands so we know game time is upon us... what's taking so long? We hear the sound of him brushing his teeth. Maaaaan! OK, fine. He'll be done soon, right? We hear the water running again in the sink. NOW he's done! Yes! NO! The water shuts off and then we hear the water in the tub running. He runs a shower, taking his sweet time... I'd say he delayed our Christmas present opening by about 30-minutes with that morning routine, but when you're younger it feels like hours.
We were seriously trolled that morning, but the Sega Genesis and Sonic we got made up for it.
Not really related, but the best prank I know of...
At a wedding there is usually a table where all the guests put their gifts. My cousin and his wife were invited to a wedding. They took along a nice gift. Wrapped in gift wrap with a card attached.
They also wrapped a cabbage in nice gift wrap, but it had no card.
They walked in to the reception each carrying a gift and left the two gifts on the table. It's now many years later and I don't think they have ever confessed that they were the ones that gave them the cabbage
I was pretty excited to experience Christmas when I first moved to England, and in the weeks leading up to it I asked my family various questions about the food and customs and so on. About a week before the big day my uncle casually mentioned that, due to government budget cutbacks, John Major (the British Prime Minister at the time) had cancelled Christmas that year.
I bought the whole thing, and the next day at school I gravely informed my friends that the economic downturn had knocked Christmas off the schedule, and that the lights in our town centre were only staying up because there was no budget for contractors to remove them. It set off a minor riot in the classroom which was only quelled when my teacher informed us that my uncle was probably pulling a prank on me.
Two Thanksgivings ago, my dad got an alert on his iPhone that said "Congratulations: You have been selected to beta test the new iPhone 5. Check your AppleID email address for more information." Probably a scam, right? But when he checked his email, lo and behold, he had an email in his inbox from Apple with details about when and how to pick up the phone from the local Apple Store.
My little brother has always been the family tech guy. The alert and the email were both part of a prank he was trying to play to make my dad look like a fool in front of a crowded Apple store on Black Friday. My brother is technically savvy enough that everything from the alert (sent from the FindMyPhone app) and the email (a doctored version of an old iTunes receipt email with some fancy concept art added in) looked relatively believable. He even included a doctored Gizmodo post that "verified" rumors of an iPhone 5 beta test. But he failed to account for the fact that my dad had a lifetime of pranking experience under his belt.
My dad played the role of the fool expertly. He obnoxiously bragged about how he was going to get the iPhone 5 before anybody else all throughout Thanksgiving dinner. About how he was going to be a beta tester while my brother, a loyal Apple enthusiast, wasn't going to get shit. About how it couldn't be a scam because the Gizmodo post verified it.
That night, he "called" Apple support to verify that he could pick up the phone in person the next day. And by called, I mean dialed and then clicked Cancel before holding the phone up to his ear. His acting throughout the entire "conversation" was worthy of a Tony.
He yelled for my brother. "Quick! Come here! You won't believe what's happening. It turns out the iPhone thing is a scam. I'm on hold with Apple right now. They're transferring me to their legal department. They said that they want to investigate and bring suit against the scammer."
My brother is getting noticeably flustered. "DAD, DON'T GIVE THEM ANYTHING!'
Meanwhile, my dad continues his performance. "Yes sir. No sir. Yes sir, I can send you all the information I have. No sir, it's a family computer. Yes, other people might have access to it. Sure. Sure. Yes, my sons are in town. Uh huh."
My 21 year old brother is turning red. He's on the verge of tears. "DAD STOP STOP DAD STOP HANG UP THE PHONE!"
"Thanks you very much. Please let me know if there's anything else I can do to help you catch this guy."
My dad turns to my brother. "I just sent Apple the email. It's in their hands now."
My brother freaks out until my dad is able to calm him down enough to tell him it was a joke.
And that's why you don't prank your parents.
Wasn't a parent, but my Uncle. Christmas day some year in the 90s. We had a rule that I couldn't wake my mum before 7am to open presents etc. One year, my uncle put all the clocks forward 3 hours. I woke up super early, as usual, see it's 7am, wake up my uncle first, who had been out clubbing the night before and had returned with a few whistles.
I tried to wake her, she refused to get up, said it was too early. Cue 20minutes of me and my uncle running around blowing whistles and shouting wildly.
It was glorious.
I've got a prank story, but it didn't exactly turn out in full giggles like it should have. I still thought it was humorous though.
It was Christmas time two years ago, and my father and my step-mother were preparing a relatively big meal for about seven or eight people. My dad works fifty plus hours a week, and I heavily attend school and work on the side, so both of us are pretty tired, but happy to be relaxing during the break. My step-mother steps out and tells my father that the ham will be done cooking in about an hour, and she should be home somewhere around then, but to take it out if she doesn't get home in time. I can see the wheels in my father's head spinning.
He lets the ham cook, and then proceeds to take the ham and hide it out in the dining room, leaving the oven on to pretend it's still cooking. My dad proceeds to pretend to be asleep on the couch as my step-mother gets home and she goes and tries to take the ham out. Needless to say she started freaking out, yelling, "Jeff! Where on Earth is the ham?! Did you take it out?!" and such. After a couple of seconds of silent giggling he "wakes up" and walks her to the dining room to show her the ham...
... That the dog had been chomping on for about ten minutes. That ham was completely chewed up/eaten by our American Fox Hound. We went and had Chinese food for Christmas dinner instead.
Short weeks are the best and the worst. On the one hand, it means fewer days at work, but on the other hand, why make should we come in at all? Ugh. If you're not planning on getting a damn thing done during this short Thanksgiving work week, you will relate hard to these hilarious memes.
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Big star + tiny purse = great memes.
Lizzo brought a tiny Valentino purse to the American Music Awards that was "big enough for my f*cks to give" because folks..........she doesn't give any f*cks!
The accessory was essentially made to be memed, and within hours, had its own Lizzo-approved Twitter account.
Lizzo and her teeny, tiny, absolutely miniscule purse inspired people to "guess" what was inside, and the meme was huge, unlike the bag.
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While Millennials and Boomers fight it out, Generation X is straight chilling. If you were born between 1961 and 1981 and don't really care about anything, you will definitely relate to these hilarious Generation X memes.
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Our fight or flight responses can be a life saver in situations with creeping danger. That knot in your gut that tells you something is "off" is often picking up on threats that are not yet obvious, a person hiding in the bushes, a concealed weapon, maybe a wild animal.
While anxiety can sometimes obscure the lines between a sense of danger and a flare up of nerves, if you feel a strong urge to run, it's better safe than sorry. You can sort out why you felt that urge after you've returned to a feeling and space of safety.
In a popular Reddit thread, people shared their most terrifying "we need to leave right now" moments brought on by their gut instinct, and it's not hyperbole to assert that some of these people saved their own lives.
In high school my buddy and I were riding our dirt bikes on the trails that ran around the logging roads in SW WA. Thousands and thousands of acres of undeveloped land with just gravel logging roads and trails.
We were on our way back to the truck when we stopped at an intersection to figure out which way to turn. Three dudes in overalls, no shirts and full face helmets rode out of the woods on quads. They rode a few slow circles around us then took off back into the woods. We booked the f*ck out of there.
Turns out all that undeveloped land is also good for growing, cooking, and dumping.
(Edit for typo)
My car was stolen the very night I moved into my new house in a very good neighborhood. The neighbors had warned us that the neighborhood was being targeted at the time. They mentioned a women around the corner that opened the door for knockers in the middle of the night and they attacked her and robbed her and almost killed her.
We had reported the car stolen and did the police reports when it happened. Well, 2 nights later in the middle of the night I hear a knock on the door and they said open up, it's the police. Well, since I had heard the story about the other lady, I was suspicious and did not answer. I grabbed my kids and put them in my daughter's room because it had access to the roof from the window. I called the police to say that two men claiming to be police are pounding on my door. They said there was no police in the area and they're sending a car. Turns out, these same guys stole the car and came back for seconds.
I did get my car back because they brought it with.
One of the times I ran away from my abusive mother, I was hiding out at an internet cafe. For context I was 12. I'd been there for a few days and the guy running the show overnight knew me and knew what was going on at home because I'd laid it on him a few months earlier when he was like "hey it's 2am don't you need to go home?". He didn't care about me especially, but he didn't care enough to kick me out either so long as I wasn't causing any trouble. He'd let me sleep under one of the desks at the back etc since it was always quiet as overnight.
Anyway this night I was just hanging out the back of the cafe bored with nothing to do and my brain was like "GO TO THE BATHROOM" but I didn't need to pee or anything so I was like uh. And then my brain was more urgent "GO TO THE BATHROOM NOW" so I was like ok and did. Went into a stall and just kinda stood there for a few minutes confused then went back out. The guy on the front desk comes over and was like "dude someone just came in asking if I'd seen you, said it was your mother"
After a cycle of running away, getting caught, running away again I finally got away from her and had CPS take my allegations seriously 2 years later, and moved to different city but moved back about 5 years ago. I'm not really a believer in psychic links etc, but since I've been back I've sometimes had this... feeling in myself like a deep dread, and then I look around and see my mother walking down the road across the street or driving past me or something. I was getting a coffee about 6 months back and got that feeling so looked around, just in time to see her walking into the store.
At a summer camp a buddy of mine and I climbed out onto a tin roof of a big hall that was built on the side of a steep hill. On one side you could climb out, right onto the roof, on the other side it was a 3 story fall onto concrete. Being teenage idiots, we climbed from the low side over the peak of the sloped metal roof and were inching down towards the edge of the high side. We had sneakers on, and had pretty solid footing, so it wasn't outrageously dangerous.
Then, out of absolute nowhere, raindrops started falling. We both look at each and realize this is really bad and try to start backing up, but wherever there is even the slightest dampness, the metal is now completely slick. There is nothing to hold onto, the grip of the rubber shoes on dry metal was all we had. I look at him and see the panic in his eyes that I'm feeling, too.
We are trying to move up this roof as fast as we can, and the raindrops are falling harder every second. I see him break completely free and start sliding down with his eyes frozen in terror. Somehow, miraculously, he stops sliding. I made it to the top scrambled down grabbed a branch and leaned back over the top, trying to give him something to grab. He eventually makes it high enough to grab the branch and I pull him up and over.
I have never felt panic like that. We were *so* lucky to make it out of there.
When me and two of my cousins went camping with our family (probably about 8-9 years old) we stayed in a campground that had a playground near our spot. We would often go, just the three of us, to play and go back to our camper when it started to get dark because it wasn’t too far. But one day we were playing and we weren’t the only kids there but this man (40s) came up to us with a dog and started talking to my cousins and they were very trusting.
He kept asking them if they wanted hotdogs or cookies and where they were from and telling us that his camper was just over there if we wanted snacks. This guy gave me a super weird vibe immediately so I looked at my cousins after being quiet the whole time and said “I think I hear grandma yelling for us, dinner is probably ready” and they argued and were confused but after I gave them the ‘look’ they just shrugged and listened to me. That guy gave me the heebie jeebies and we never saw him again after that day.
When I was a preteen a strange man stopped and asked me for directions that didn't make sense. As I'm trying to help him a van rolls up and the side door opens. I just booked it and never looked back.
I used to drive for Lyft. Last year, I picked up a young couple from a bar at about 1:30 am. They were fairly chill and I figured it would be my last ride of the night. The dude asked me to stop at a corner store on the way to their destination so that he could get cigarettes. I didn’t see any harm in waiting so I stopped, and had a nice chat with the young woman while he was in the store. He ended up being about 5 minutes since everyone was trying to get their pre-2 am beer.
When he came out, he asked me to take him to a location that was in the opposite direction of their destination, but was only about a mile away. He said he wanted to meet some friends real quick and grab some beer. Since I figured it would be my last ride of the night, I said ‘f*ck it, why not’ and drive him over there.
Now, I know the town we live in fairly well, but the direction that we were coming from was not a way I was used to going when I would go to this location. So when I turned onto the destination street, I missed the turn into the complex parking lot. I just came to a complete stop since the roads were empty and asked them if they just wanted me to park on the street or pull into the complex. This is when the two of them started arguing, as he suddenly wanted to go in and hang out for a few minutes while she didn’t want to go in at all; she just wanted him to do his thing and get out of there so they could go home.
And then something hit my car.
The sound is unmistakable to me, so I immediately started to look around to figure out what it was. But there were no other cars on the road, so that couldn’t have been it. Then I moved to the next thing on my mental checklist: of something didn’t hit me, then what did I hit? But that didn’t make any sense either as I’d been in park and couldn’t have hit anything. It’s at this point that the young lady’s attitude completely changed. She just kinda looked around, and then said ‘Can we just get out of here? It hurts and I want to go home.’
This was odd to me as she’d been sitting in my car for about 10 minutes at this point and hadn’t said a word about any kind of pain. She followed this up with ‘It hurts and I can’t move,’ put her had to her back, and pulled it out covered in blood.
What. The. F*ck.
So the guy starts freaking out, thinking that something in my trunk had exploded, but it was empty. As he reached over to tend to her I noticed something white sticking out of the seat. This hadn’t been there at the beginning of the night, so I asked him what it was. He pulled on it; it was a piece of the filler fuzz from my seat. It came out of the hole that had been made in the seat.
Because she’d been shot.
As soon he grabbed that fuzz we both had the same realization. He slammed shut his door and I drove them straight to the hospital, which was only a couple of miles away. That realization, and the follow up realization of ‘oh, someone could still shoot you while you’re sitting here’ was one of the most terrifying things I’d ever experienced.
TLDR: A guy stalked me at work
This was by far the creepiest thing to ever happen to me. It's a bit long but bear with me.
For context, I live only a few streets away from my workplace. This guy came to my floor one day for a team meeting. Ever since then he made a point to pass my desk when walking to the kitchen which doesn't make sense logistically as the elevator basically opens right onto the kitchen. Keep in mind, this guy is a complete stranger, nobody had ever seen him on our floor so my work friends KNEW he purposely came to our floor just to see me. He would make excuses to be near me whenever I am in the kitchen, go to get a glass of water whilst I am washing my dishes. He was always alone, never spoke to anyone, only watched me. This happened for about 3 months.
One day he happened to be downstairs at the time I finish work. He then knew EXACTLY what time I finish and waited downstairs for me everyday. He just sat there watching, waited for us to leave, then went back up. One day I walked out with a friend. We saw him sitting downstairs, quickly walked out of the building and parted ways assuming he would go back up now that we’d left.
Boy was I wrong. My friend walked off in the opposite direction leaving me alone. I had crossed the road and was just about to turn to the direction of my apartment, when some higher power compelled me to turn around. The feeling that rushed over me just then, I had never felt it before. It was like a mix of all the most negative emotions in the world all swirling into one massive super-cloud of fear. When people talk about the flight or fight response, THIS was literally the epitome of that. To this day I still cannot understand what made me turn around when I generally never do that.
I was smart enough to go in a completely different direction so he wouldn’t know where I live. He walked a short distance behind, crossed the road and checked to see where I was walking home to! Another male colleague happened to finish work at the same time this went down, followed him and waited to see what he was doing (stalking the stalker?). He confirmed that he absolutely followed to see which direction I was going, and then went back into the building once I had walked too far ahead. He would've only need to follow me a short distance to see where I lived.
This happened a few more times before I finally reported his a*s and got him banned from entering all buildings associated with my company. Turns out he didn't even actually work for my company (external contractor) and shouldn't have even been in my building in the first place.
Went to a movie on Halloween when I was in high school with my boyfriend at the time. It was a huge theatre where there was a staircase all the way to the top row that opened in the middle of the row so you could sit on either side of the opening. My boyfriend and I sat in the back row on one side of the opening. We were watching the movie and around 30-40 minutes after the movie started, a guy walked in by himself wearing a big sweater and sat on the other side of the opening.
He didn't really DO anything at first but he gave me a bad feeling and I felt uncomfortable but I continued watching the movie. I noticed the guy seemed really nervous and wasn't paying ANY attention to the movie. I really couldn't figure out why but he was stressing me out big time and I just felt like we had to get the f*ck out of there. I told my boyfriend that I was probably being silly but I wanted to leave. As we were leaving we informed the staff about the guy just in case.
Turns out they had been looking for him as people had reported seeing a guy of that description behaving strangely in the parking lot earlier. The police came and he apparently had quite a few large hunting knives hidden under his sweatshirt.
My mom and I were walking our dog on a semi secluded dried up river bed (for context I was probably 7 or 8). A couple approached us, and instantly something in my gut told me that they weren't safe. The man asked some weird question like, "is it just you and your daughter here?"' and then proceeded to say that he took pictures of kids for a living and that he would love to have me model for him. I didn't wait to hear the rest of the conversation because after that I took off, and I'm ashamed to admit, left my mom and dog behind with the creepy guy. My mom was livid saying how rude I was and how worried she was because she didn't know where I went, but the intense "leave now!" feeling that came over me totally clouded any sort of reasoning.
One night when I was very young and at a bar, I got quite drunk. Some guy propositioned me to go back to his place and I was up for it. I left my car, cuz he told me to just ride in since I had been drinking so much and we went riding down the road. It was quite a ways, and I started to question him where we were going. He said it was just up the road on the river.
He pulls over to the side of US1 and points to a two-story house on the river. It was very dark and the only light was of the Moon. We walk down the dock to get to the front door. He gets in front of me and is playing with the doorknob and as he pushes is it open he turns to me and says, please don't make me turn the light on and let you see how dirty my place looks. So of course drunk and stupid, I said no problem. And probably giggled.
He guides me by the hand up a set of stairs. We get to the top and he says, I just have a mattress on the floor I hope you don't mind. And again drunk and stupid me just sits down on the mattress not thinking about anything. As I sit there in the dark I start to get my vision becoming clearer. Everything looks off. The mattress has no sheet on it and I hear a whisper in my ear, Get Out!
I jumped up. I ran down the stairs. I ran out of the door and down the dock. I ran across u.s. 1, and up to a house that was across the street. I ran up to the door and started beating on the door and screaming for help I. I turn and look and the guy is running across u.s. 1 at me chasing me. I start screaming more and more as now I'm afraid this house is abandoned. Right as the guy gets up about ten feet away, the porch light turns on. The guy stops, turns around, and went back to his truck.
Poor guy whose door I was beating on came out and saw me crumbled, crying on his porch. The sweet man got in his car and drove me back to the bar 20 miles away so that I could get my car. I never saw him again. I never even knew his name. But he saved my life. I know he did.
I was a 13 year old girl, camping with my best friend and her mom by a lake.
My friend’s mom was not the world’s best mother, and allowed my friend to get drunk. I had one drink, so I was a little tipsy, but still had my wits about me.
It was about 11 at night, and my very drunk friend randomly decided to go swimming, so I chased after her to keep an eye on her and make sure she didn’t hurt herself.
And god, I’m so glad I did.
Two men followed us out to the lake. We didn’t notice until my friend and I had swam a few dozen yards into the water. The men were very drunk, stumbling with their beer bottles in hand. They were catcalling us as they waded into the water, getting closer and closer.
My friend was so drunk, and wanting so badly to seem cool to these grown up men. Drunk 13 year olds aren’t the most rational thinkers. At first, she tried to respond to their questions. But I knew something very bad would happen if we didn’t get away, so I repeatedly whispered to her, “They’re going to rape us. They’re going to rape us. We need to leave. Now!”
I think that finally knocked some sense in her inebriated brain, and she agreed to swim towards the shore with me (away from the men).
They called after us, asking where we were going, and my friend yelled, “AWAY FROM YOU!!”
Back then, I second-guessed myself and wondered if maybe I had been a little dramatic. But now, as an adult, I realize just how much danger we were in, and I’m so thankful that 13 year old me knew to trust her gut.
My girlfriend and I were car camping in the woods, a nice spot by a rushing river. The evening had gone well and we turned in for the night.
Some time later I wake up needing to pee. I do my business and head back to the tent. I'm sitting on the edge of the tent taking my shoes off when I see it....
A vaguely human shape suddenly jumps out in my mind and I freeze. I stare through the dark at this shape, just silhouetted by the dim starlight, wondering if I'm seeing things or if someone is creeping on us. Then the shape moves.
It rises up, becoming a larger outline partially blotted by the trees. BEAR my mind screams at me. I whip into action, reaching for my knife with one hand, while zipping the the tent closed for some paltry barrier between me and it...
It's then that I hear a noise over the rush of the river... "Hey, wait for me."
Apparently my girlfriend had come out after I did and I just didn't realize it.
The time I felt a small shark delicately scrape my foot with its teeth in its effort to curiously figure out what I was. Like it literally felt like it gently took my heel into its mouth and I felt the barest brush of teeth all around my heel. It didn't break the skin. I didn't realize it was a shark (murky water) until I reflexively kicked and felt its sharky skin against the bottom of my foot.
It felt like a small shark so a juvenile of some species or maybe an adult Atlantic Sharpnose, not sure. My mom told me my eyes got huge and I looked at her like I wanted to nope right out of the ocean that second. I didn't go back in the water.
Was at a rest stop in upstate New York near Troy around midnight. This was before cell phones and gps and we stopped to use the pay phone to find a hotel for the night. On the way back to the car, a couple of random guys approached us from behind asking for directions, I told my wife to get in the car when I noticed two other guys coming towards the car from the opposite direction. I hopped in the car and drove away before anything else happened. Might've just been me being overly cautious, but I swear I avoided a mugging or worse by the skin of my teeth.
Used to climb up to the Hollywood Sign all the time. Took a bunch of friends there one night that had never been. This is in the late 2000s. Usually it's just an uneventful climb other than some fairly steep parts. This time was different.
About half way up I get a really weird feeling. Wasn't sure what it was. 2 steps later I hear this quickly repeating whistle-y sound. Unmistakable. I knew what it was immediately; I'd heard it once before in Northern California when I was in elementary school. I couldn't see it right then in the Hollywood Hills, but I'd seen the source of the sound clearly when I was younger.
It was a fucking mountain lion.
I put my hand out sharply, straight behind me with my palm open towards everyone else. They told me later that they could tell by how much my body language changed that it was really serious. I leaned backwards while not breaking line of sight with where I thought the sound was coming from.
My friend leaned his chin up on my shoulder and I told him in the most calm voice I could to make everyone start climbing down very slowly.
I think, because there were so many of us, we got away without incident. But the absolute stone-making fear I felt that night was intense. Going from laughing and having a good time to immediate silence and maximum sensory perception. It was wild. Never climbed to the sign again.
I was walking by a long stretch of road with no houses. There was a cemetery. A van with two guys in it stopped to ask me if I needed a ride. This was in the late 90s, so it's not like hitchhiking was legal. I'm all. "No thanks, I'm nearly home". They wouldn't budge. They kept following me with the windows down, kept saying "C'mon, just get in...".
At some point they just stop, and they start getting out. I was just a teen, and they were clearly 20-something. I just took off running. I must have sprinted half a mile to get to an alley, and hid by the nearest building near the road. I waited about 15 minutes before moving on to make sure they had given up, so they wouldn't follow me home.
A couple years ago I snuck into an abandoned orphanage with a couple buddies. Dumb I know, but drunk college kids find dumb. Step down through a basement window onto a barrel, easy. We get down and walk through a hallway when we notice a drop of blood by our feet. After close examination of ourselves we notice none of us are bleeding. We shined our flashlight further ahead and notice the blood continues into the darkness. Noped the fuck out as fast as possible. Trespassing with someone/something else injured in the basement of this building? No thanks.
When does a work friendship cross into emotional cheating?
A woman is asking Reddit for advice about this after her husband started comparing her to his "work wife."
He says they talk about everything, she understands him so well and that it's totally normal since he spends 9 hours a day with her and only 3 hours in the evening with me.
I get jealous all the time and I really hate that he's gotten so close with another female. Every single argument ends up with him comparing us and saying things like she wouldn't get mad at certain things I did etc. Last weekend they went out for drinks one to one while I was working at home, I asked my husband to at least wait until I finish so I can come with but he replied with something like "you won't really fit because you don't understand our jokes and can't take part in the conversations, I don't want to bore you"
I feel like he's emotionally cheating. I don't have a work husband or some shit because I keep it all business, I can't even imagine me going out with guys from work, ESPECIALLY ONE TO ONE. Why would anyone? He says I'm being insecure about it and lots of people have work spouses but I just can't get over it. Is it a "me" problem and I should do therapy or is he crossing lines?
Dalekosam wrote that the friendship isn't the problem; his approach to it is.
He's not crossing a line because he has a close friend, he's crossing a line because he's a) comparing you to her (this is just a wtf thing to say all-around) and b) because he doesn't want the two of you to meet. I have a very close male friend at work, I adore him. I also introduced my boyfriend to this guy and we all hang out together, he comes to our place and they have become great friends in their own right. This is the only healthy, reasonable and grown up way to deal with a "work spouse" situation. What he is doing is frankly infuriating.
If I were you, I would have a serious discussion. What kind of person says stuff like "she wouldn't get mad". Jesus Christ. Instead of comforting you and making you feel safe and loved, he calls you insecure. You need to have a talk.
Many agree that shutting her out of the friendship is a red flag:
Yeah, that's not cool. If he's afraid you'll get bored, then he should be prepared to open up the conversation to other topics so you can participate, not shut you out. And it's that refusal to let you be a part of this relationship, combined with the attempts to pressure you into doing things differently based on her reactions that makes this dynamic worrisome. Work spouses need to cede precedence to actual spouses outside of work, especially when they start causing a problem for the actual marriage.
And it's not a good sign for what he's told the work wife:
Also who knows what he has told her about your relationship. Kinda hard to say your the crazy wife and your having problems if you come out for drinks with him. He could be feeding her a line the same way he is feeding OP one. Time for "work ex-wife ".
And another user confirmed her worst fears are possible:
You have every right to be upset and he is crossing a line. My GF was doing this exact thing and I later found out she was cheating on me with him. These are your boundaries and he should respect them. Maybe nothing is going on but he knows what he is doing is hurting you.
So the consensus seems to be: GTFO of there!
Guys thank you so much for all your support! I wasn't expecting to get so many replies and kind words. I will update once I had talked to him if any of you are interested in outcome. So far I'm thinking I'm going to tell him to cut it off. I'm not even willing to meet her and get to know her anymore because yes in my eyes he's crossed all the boundaries.
Some might say it's totally normal to hide things from your spouse, especially if you've been together for a while.
So today, the men of Reddit are spilling the secrets they'll never tell their wives. They range from benign to pretty serious – accidental affair with your future sister-in-law, anyone?
One time we went out drinking and got into an argument. Later, we both stayed at a friend's place that night instead of driving home. She passed out in the recliner with her head at an odd angle and I let her sleep that way so her neck would be sore the next day. - Pallymorphic
My normally cute wife survived breast cancer a couple years ago. During the bald stretch, she got new glasses with thick black frames and she kept reminding me of someone, but I couldn't figure out who.
Finally hit me: Benny Hill's sidekick. I took a vow of silence on that one let me tell you. - RealisticDelusions77
Not me, but someone I went to high school with, and a crazy enough situation that I think it’s worth telling. Dude broke up with his girlfriend for a few months, and during that time he hooked up with another girl. He ended up getting back together with the previous girl and they got married (and still are). Meanwhile, the girl he hooked up with started dating his wife’s brother, and they ended up getting married too. So he unintentionally ended up f*cking his sister-in-law, and to my knowledge their spouses still don’t know. - jraygun13
I have a mild collection of swords. We used to have one hanging over the bed. One night my wife is in one of those weird sleeps where every part of her is hanging off the bed. Apparently the hooks the sword was hanging on where kind of flimsy, because I slammed the door trying to be funny and scare her awake. The sword did a weird little bounce, slid out of the sheath, and stuck itself into the floor missing her head by less than an inch. I, and my heart, pause for all of 60 seconds only to realize she was still asleep. I quickly moved the sword into my office. When she asked why I moved it, I said the hooks where close to breaking and didn't want it to fall in anyone. She only recently noticed the whole in the carpet and assumed our metal bed frame did it. - msvmunk3
When I was on a road trip a month ago, I stopped at Walmart and felt compelled to buy 10+ pairs of panties along with a bra and some cute women’s clothes. Since then, I now try the clothes on regularly and I continue to buy more at a local thrift shop, I wear the panties every day and that’s why I havent undresesed in front of her this past month. I mean, I’ve tried some of my wife’s clothing maybe two times over the past decade due to curiosity, but I am still surprised by my recent actions. I’m nearing 40, so I’m figuring this is probably a mid life crisis, and im unashamedly rolling with it. I usually tell my wife everything but she’s big into strict gender roles and probably couldnt handle this right now. My thought is that its probably just a phase and it’s not worth bothering her. - sinnersaint1000
I leave the toilet seat up on purpose - elbinquart
The times I have had my faith tested. You want to straight up brag that you didn't cheat, but there's no good way to. I've had opportunities that I can't talk about without looking suspicious or gloatting/bragging. What's worse is that she thinks im cheating, or is at least jealous of the possibility - the relationship before her was an open relationship and we are on two different planes in how we see sex, so she gets suspicious - but I have been on my best behavior. Im proud of myself, because it's not easy for me, snd i can't really talk to anyone else about it because it's the expectation of relationships. I don't expect a pat on the back, but I think about sex constantly and completely turned my life around for her and our daughter and I consider it a large amount of restraint.
It wouldnt come across that im faithful, itd come across like Im surrounded by girls and its just a matter of time. When she starts up with 'why you hanging out with them ' and whatnot, i just bite my lip.
No, she isn't on Reddit and she wouldnt know my username anyway. I just don't ever have the opportunity to say it out loud. - punkbenRN
Cheated on her when we were dating. Didnt even want to, was just hanging out with some girl I knew liked me as her friends had told me so goes to show I was young and stupid. When I went to drop her off I just kissed her as she was literally waiting for it, instead of going into her place and doing anything really regrettable. I didnt know I was gonna marry her at the time, still doesnt make it any less bad and I still dont know why I did this. - TheFlemishBlemish
I had sex with the girl she hates in the past (before we made it official).
They glare at each other 24/7 when they run into each other. - dairyman2049
I had sex with one of her friends when we started dating.
Also her friend was my best friend's gf so we both kept that in secret. - The_Real_Ruko
you know how women always think they are right? sometimes they are. - luckyhunterdude
“The grass is greener where you water it”
-Neil Barringham
The above quote is about how things in life are better when you take of them. It could also mean you should go take a sweet whiz in your front yard. Either way, you should use this opportunity to make your morning more entertaining. These memes will tickle your funny bone and lift your spirits. Best of all, you don't have to risk running into your neighbors.
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There's bound to be a few challenges when two people make the choice to share a home and an entire lifetime together, especially when you add one of two human beings you also built together into the mix. Having a family is, of course, a joyful experience, but it's important to laugh at the misadventures along the way.
Does you wife always leave lids unsealed? Does your husband not know how to use an iron? Why can't you ever agree on a movie to watch? And, once you do find a movie, why is one of you always texting the entire time? Domestic bliss, ladies and gents!
The holiday season is upon us and it is definitely a great time to express gratitude for family and friends. Remember, you can be filled with love and also want to send your partner plummeting down a snowy hill on your kid's sled. If you need a break, here are some of the most hilarious tweets about wedded bliss we could find. Enjoy, newlyweds and experienced couples alike!
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