While the facts we learned in school could sometimes be boring, the reality is that back in the day, people were just as ratchet as they are now.
A recent Reddit thread compiled all the best NSFW historical facts. Here are a bunch that you can bring up at Christmas dinner to seem educated!
1. If only escaping consequences were this easy today.
Some lady got off of a death penalty in Ancient Greece by flashing her t*ts. - 8bitvids
The ancient Greeks believed that the gods showed certain mortals favor by bestowing them with abnormal gifts - extreme beauty was one of them. She argued that she couldn't have possibly murdered that priest or else the gods would've revoked their gift.
Napoleon, in traditional French manner, wrote some steamy love letters to his wife Jospehine. They include such phrases (translated) as "you’re a naughty, gawky, foolish sl*t" and "Don't bathe. I'm coming home!" - i_fckin_love_it_mate
3. Of course the creator of "Frankenstein" is metal af.
Mary Shelley lost her virginity on her mother's grave - PM-ME-UR-RESCUES
4. Animal dung?!
The oldest known objects that were probably sex toys were made out of stone and animal dung ca. ~ 30k years ago.
The oldest known objects that were definitely sex toys were anatomically shaped jade and bronze dildos/butt plugs dating back 2000-3000 years. - DeckhandFlout
5. Greedy Greeks and Romans had to ruin birth control from ancient times until the 1950s...
The ancient Greeks and Romans used a plant called Silphium as a natural contraceptive. If a woman consumed the resin regularly she would not get pregnant. If she stopped taking it, though, the effects wore off. From what we can tell, it was almost as effective as modern pharmaceutical birth control.
The Romans used it so much that they made it go extinct. We're not even quite sure the exact identity of the plant (ie genus and species). - WillyD
6. Well that's better than a greeting card.
Queen Victoria put erotic portraits of herself in Prince Albert's casket. Yes, that means she had someone paint erotic portraits of herself.
That fun fact led me down a long Victoria rabbit hole where I read multiple biographies, and she became one of my favorite people in history. She was selfish, immature, insecure, and co-dependent, but she grows on you after a while. She kept incredibly detailed diaries too, but her daughter Beatrice burned them all, which is an absolute travesty. - BlueberryTulip
7. But where would he keep it?!
Lord Byron would keep pubic hair of women he slept with as a souvenir. - Col_Walter_Tits
8. I'm sure all their children were very healthy.
Ptolemy VIII of Egypt was married to both his sister and his niece at the same time. - MonkeyTail29
9. This sounds like someone just really wanted to have their way with a dolphin.
In a NASA-funded attempt to teach Dolphins the English language, a male dolphin lived with a female trainer and was given LSD on multiple occasions as well as being 'sexually pleasured' by the female trainer...The dolphin later killed itself because he was taken from his love (the female trainer) The world was a weird place. - Estre11a
10. This is how you know you have too much money.
Russians noble women got themselves professional foot ticklers. They worked full time and where skilled in proper tickling techniques. - Ray_Bone
11. This is just what Welsh people want you to think.
The Welsh didn't actually have relations with sheep nearly as much as the records show.
When Wales joined the United Kingdom, they found a loophole in the laws regarding sheep:
If you were caught stealing a sheep, your hand was cut off. If you were caught having relations with a sheep, just your finger was. So lots of sheep thieves just said they were sheep-lovers to avoid the harsher punishment. - Back2Bach
12. It's good to know some people had shame back in the day.
The stethoscope was invented because a doctor was tired of getting embarrassed putting his ear on some tig ol bitties to hear heartbeats/lungs [on underage/young women]. - PM_Me_Your_Ass_Feet
13. Guess they were exploring more than North America.
A bunch of people on the Lewis and Clark expedition got syphilis. - Satansharelip
14. That poor table.
Lyndon B. Johnson was really into whipping out his dick. Allegedly even slapping it on the table to assert dominance. - goodnt-guy
15. Wow Gandhi, way to cancel out your good intentions by being a gigantic fricking creep.
Gandhi was famously 'immune to desire,' he 'tested' himself by laying naked with young girls. - goodnt-guy
16. And they say women are invisible after 40!
[Benjamin Franklin] specially liked older ladies because you can bust a nut in them and they won't get pregnant. - Buwaro
17. Albert Einstein was good at math, except when it came to inbreeding.
18. And finally, a reminder to thank god you were born in the current generation instead of the past.
My understanding is that most commonfolk throughout much of history had very meager lodgings, and most families would sleep together both for warmth as well as the simple fact that they didn't have the space for people to sleep separately.
If mom and dad were in the mood to procreate, the rest of the family was just... there. - beeps-n-boops
Have you ever thought about American pop singer Taylor Swift's eggs before? Congrats, now you have! And you can thank Stefan Molyneux for that.
The Canadian writer and podcast host, who's been classified by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a "skilled propagandist" within the alt-right, is currently taking a beating on Twitter because of his tweet about the contents of a stranger's ovaries.
He opens the cursed tweet with a backhanded compliment that uses a hyphen where an em dash should be, which is pretty sad for someone whose entire body of work revolves around trying to prove white people are smarter than everyone else: "I can't believe Taylor Swift is about to turn 30 - she still looks so young!"
I can’t believe Taylor Swift is about to turn 30 - she still looks so young!
It’s strange to think that 90% of her eggs are already gone - 97% by the time she turns 40 - so I hope she thinks about having kids before it’s too late!
He goes on to cite the statistic that 90% of women's eggs are gone by the time they hit 30. This sounds scary but the fact is plenty of women conceive after 30, and even into their 40s. Also Taylor Swift is extremely rich and can probably afford IVF.
Anyway, Mr. Molyneux is being roundly mocked for his intrusive tweet. Doesn't he realize talking about a woman's "eggs" in this cold, clinical way makes it sound like you're talking about a pterodactyl?
so do you put in work to sound like a serial killer or do you find it comes naturally?
"Keep your eyes on the sun and you will not see the shadows."
-Australian Aborigine Saying
Keep your eyes on the memes, and you won't see any of the annoying things you need to accomplish. Laugh now, deal with the stuff life throws at you later.
Kids are essentially little drunk people in that they'll say whatever is on their mind whenever they want to.
The phrase, "a sober man's thoughts are a drunk man's words" can be applied to children in that a child's thoughts are a child's words. Combine that unhinged, innocent spirit with a holiday that involves dozens of beautifully wrapped toys and an month long supply of candy, and you have a recipe for a very specific kind of charming disaster.
The tradition of taking children to sit on Santa's lap at the mall to tell him what they want for Christmas and get a photo of them screaming for next year's Christmas card is a longstanding one. So, when a recent Reddit user asked, "Mall Santas of Reddit, what's the weirdest thing a kid asked for Christmas?" Santas and elves everywhere were prepared to share their tales from the local Winter Wonderland display.
1. All dolphins are beautiful! "DoddsWill1."
I read a letter (maybe I shouldn't have) from a child who asked for a dolphin, specifically not autistic. Not sure if he had had a bad experience with disabled dolphins or what but he was about 6 years old .
2. Uh oh, "masochisticminx."
My 3 year old son asked Santa once for “a baby rhino” Santa told him that “The baby rhinos mama would be very sad to lose her baby though”
Then my son said, “okay, well I’ll take the mama too, maybe she can sleep in my moms bed”
3. Ha, "W0nderfulandstrange."
My sister asked Santa for “Black Men” for Christmas. She meant “Men in Black.”
4. At least her dreams will come true? "Simulated_Narwhal."
After waiting two hours in line my daughter asked Santa for a hot dog.
5. This could be a problem, "DaveIsMyDrummer."
Yesterday the big sister asked for a pet mouse, the little sister asked for a snake.
6. Kids love toast! "deepsoulfunk."
A piece of toast.
7. Genius, "The_Calico_Jack."
My uncle was a Santa and he told me that one year a kid asked for a coffee maker because he wanted to start his own Starbucks coffee stand instead of a lemonade stand. Apparently business was not very good as a lemonade stand but he noticed a lot of adults drink coffee, so he'd make coffee.
That kid is probably a millionaire now.
8. Scandal! "LPGeoteacher."
Many years ago a small girl would not tell her mother what she wanted for Christmas. Mom told me the problem and I was to tell her after the kid jumped off my lap. The little girl hopped up and told me she wanted some make up and some tits.... ok now I have to tell mom.
9. Crafts are important, "rothmaniac!"
Not the weirdest, but my favorite thing I have heard a kid ask for. At my daughters preschool, there was a Santa. Kids were asking for the usual things, like toys and unicorns. One little girl goes up. You can tell she is thinking really hard. She asks for 2 rolls of tape. Dream big kid!
11. "Eggs," "v00g."
Reindeer eggs so he could start his own franchise.
12. Oh my god, "Back2Bach."
During college, I was a department store Santa.
One little girl, with her mother looking on at a distance, whispered:
"Please bring a boyfriend for Mommy. Ever since Daddy died she's been so lonely. That's what I really want for Christmas, Santa."
I looked up at her loving mother, and back at the girl, and felt a lump in my throat.
13. It's important to set goals? "artinacigar."
i was a school santa. the kids there at the time were 8-10 one very sweet little girl sat on my knee with a big smile on her face. when i asked her what she wanted from santa she smiled bigger and said "i want a switchblade knife so i can kill my mean teacher!
14. This is devastating, "ArbyLG."
I once had a boy who said he wanted to be married and have 100 kids so he could have 100 friends. And no one can say no to being his friend.
15. Who doesn't want a gorilla? "prof_vannostrand."
A gorilla named Davey, for beating up the skateboard kids
16. Safe to say Hitler's on the naughty list, "BBQSauceOnMyTitties."
I was dressed as Santa for an event in a local florist store a couple of weeks ago. A kid asked me if I was alive when Hitler was around and if he was on the naughty list. I said he was right at the top.
17. They grow up so fast! "Dark_Cougar."
A 5 year old joyfully announcing that he would like condoms for christmas.
18. Beards are fun! "MeenaDuprix."
I was one of Santas helpers one year and had to ask every kid what they wanted. One little five year old girl was all shy, so her dad pipes up "Go on, tell him what you want." And she peeks her head around him and says "A beard."
19. Oh no, "UserDarren13."
I had a 12 year old kid ask me for his crush's virginity.
Life is hard enough as is. If it's not illegal, and you're not an a-hole to service workers, get those cheaper chicken nuggets!
Rokzo asked Reddit, "What is the best loophole you have ever heard of?"
Here are the best ones. Go forth and enjoy that cheaper airport Uber!
1. Do the responsible thing and get towed, tokenerd.
Apparently you have 24 hours to claim an illegally-parked car (depending on the location) in my city so some "pros" will take a ticket on game days and actually save money on parking for football and baseball.
I still use the loophole of jumping on a shuttle bus out of LAX to a parking garage(/or hotel, yes) and then calling an Uber/Lyft from there to avoid the airport prices. Brings the ride home down to $10 from $40.
3. Congratulations, brass_buoy's teacher. You played yourself.
A kid from my high school was about 30 seconds late to class and the teacher refused to mark him “present” and made him go sign in as “late” at the office. In protest, he went and ate a sit down breakfast and showed back up with about 5 minutes left of class with his late slip. Teacher threw a fit that he skipped class, but since he never signed in, he didn’t face any consequences.
Local radio station had a contest where you call in when they play same artist back to back to win a prize. Turns out they had a "now playing" and "up next" feature on their web site. My girlfriend at the time would start calling in before the second song even came on. Won tons of prizes ranging from concert tickets to a laptop.
Not very impressive but at my high school we had to wear a button-down and a tie to class every day. One of the kids realized that they never specified what kind of button-down it had to be so he wore a Hawaiian shirt to class with a tie. Technically it met the dress code so it stuck.
Pretty soon most of the school started wearing Hawaiian shirts with ties to class. We looked like a bunch of ridiculous Jimmy-Buffet-goes-Mormon types but it was worth it to spite the system. They changed the rule to ban Hawaiian shirts a week later.
6. Ghostfeeder wasn't a scammer, but discovered a cool new scam.
My microwave stopped turning on, so I went to Best Buy to get a new one. I tried the old one in another outlet and it came back to life so I reinstalled it. Returned new microwave to Best Buy. Went back home to see that the old microwave had now died again once more (for good) and then just drove right back to Best Buy where I bought the brand new microwave I just returned as an “open box item” for half price.
Probably a fluke, but it was a rare instance of “the system” working in my favor.
I have purposefully booked flights I had a good hunch would be overbooked, then show up the day of, claim the rebooked flight +$500 voucher and have myself a damn good time in Vegas for 48 hours.
Best Buy warranty. Back in high school I got a pair of Bose headphones for $150 and a warranty for $20. Every time your headphones “broke” they gave you a brand new pair and even renewed your warranty. I did this for around 3 years and got 5+ headphones. In the end I got $150 in store credit and put it towards a new TV.
Blue Apron offers a free week trial but only one account can be associated with your address. So how do you game the free trial? At the end of your trial, change your account address, close the account, and create a new one.
Boom, another free week trial.
We got Blue Apron completely free for six months (stopped because we liked Hello Fresh more).
Last week I parked in a spot with a sign that said "Parking for Parents with Children."
Some woman was passing by in her car and started yelling about the spot being reserved for people with kids.
I told her I did have a kid, she just wasn't with me at the time. The sign didn't say anything about that.
12. ATLL2112 learned this in their second Algebra II class.
Was at a bar. They ran a $2 shot special for any of the house stuff. I like vodka tonics though. However, those are $6.
Me, having taken Algebra I twice, knew $2<$6. I ask the bartender how much she'll charge me for tonic water. She replies, "nothing".
I proceed to order a $2 shot of vodka and a free glass of tonic water.
13. amc7262 saved money they could now spend at the doctor.
For appointments that cost money to cancel with less than 24hrs notice, they often are free to reschedule within that window, so you reschedule it to a week later, then cancel it a day or two later.
14. EAS893's loophole isn't fun but it's good to understand what Bernie Sanders is talking about.
The carried interest loophole that allows hedge fund managers to get lower taxes on their income.
If you hear someone talking about wealthy people using loopholes to pay lower taxes, there's a decent chance this is one of the loopholes to which they are referring.
It's only natural to want the best for your kids, and that applies to their romantic relationships as well. If your child is going to commit to their partner for the long haul, particularly when it involves raising kids of their own, then you want to know for sure that their significant other is the real deal.
While being protective is only natural, there's a pretty big difference between looking out for your family and needlessly judging their taste in partner. Unless their boo is actively making their life a living hell, support their relationship is usually the most loving route.
In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a concerned mother asked if she's wrong for wanting a paternity test from her son's pregnant girlfriend.
AITA for refusing to support my son's pregnant girlfriend until she takes a paternity test?
OP shared that her son has been dating his girlfriend for six months, and she is now four months pregnant with his baby.
My son (24M) and his girlfriend (24F) have only been together for 6 months, and she is apparently 4 months pregnant with his baby. They have actually been friends since high school, and so my husband and I have known her for a few years as well.
While OP claims her son's girlfriend is "lovely," she admitted she didn't envision her son with her in the long haul.
She is a lovely girl, but honestly she is not someone I had hoped would be the mother to my first grandchild. First of all, she is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, and while she says she has been clean for 3 years, a relapse is always possible. She only finished high school with her GED, and she now works as a waitress full time. Her parents died years ago, so she is largely on her own.
OP shared that her son's girlfriend is three years clean from drugs and alcohol and lost both of her parents years back.
In comparison, OP's family is a lot better off financially.
Our family is considerably better off, and my son is joining his father's business, meaning his salary will be quite high and will only continue to grow.
Ever since OP found out about the pregnancy she's suspected it might not be her son's baby, despite having no proof.
Since my son first told us she is pregnant, it can't escape my mind that he may not really he the father, and that she picked him out of potential others because he would be the "best" in terms of support.
OP wants to get a paternity test before shelling out money to help with the pregnancy test, but her son feels that is violates his trust in his girlfriend.
My son is pushing us to help her with some of her pregnancy expenses, and I told him we would under the condition that she get a paternity test first. He completely blew up at that, accusing us of disliking her (untrue) and not wanting to he grandparents (also untrue). He says he loves her and trusts her and that he can't wait to meet his baby. I get that, but I think he's being idealistic. If he wants our support, we want a paternity test first. If the baby is truly his then we would be happy to welcome her into our family and we would be happy to help her out. AITA?
YTA. Your son believes in treating his girlfriend's pregnancy as his, so follow suit. You under no circumstances are obligated to assist financially regardless of who the father is, but your disdain and judgment is incredibly vulgar and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
ILogItAll thinks OP needs to change her attitude before she loses the opportunity to be a grandma.
Yes YTA. Think carefully how you treat her or you may not get the privilege of being the grandparent. If my mil did this I would wipe her.
sqitten thinks OP's concerns are not only off base, but irrelevant given the fact that her son is committed either way.
YTA Because he clearly is planning to be the father of this baby, so the genetics no longer matter. If he's going to be the dad, then it's his kid too and your first grandchild.
spacecadetxxx doesn't think OP is wrong for having concerns, but also thinks she is being dishonest about her feelings about her son's girlfriend.
It’s your money. This seems reasonable. But I’m not sure why you said it’s untrue that you dislike her and don’t want her to be the mother of your grandkids as you basically said everything you dislike about her and that you didn’t think she’d be the kind of person to mother your grandkids. If you dislike her just say it. You wouldn’t be the first person to dislike their children’s SO. NTA.
It feels safe to say that this situation will not smooth itself out unless OP and her son's girlfriend have a frank and understanding conversation with each other. Otherwise, these suspicions will grow into a mountain of tension.
One of the most expensive things I've ever done is be a bridesmaid. You shouldn't have to go into debt just to support a friend's love—but the wedding industrial complex relies on bridesmaids having bottomless bank accounts.
One bride decided to break from tradition by offering to subsidize her bridesmaids' attire, hair and makeup, and even their lodgings the night of the wedding. HERO!
I'm getting married in the summer next year. I have 4 bridesmaids and they are all really different in shape/size.
I was going to pay for everything for the girls, as I know it can get expensive, but my FH and myself are prepared to do it. I've paid for their dresses which were between £190-230 (size dependent) and their hair & make-up with trials, which is coming to £125pp. I've also organised an air bnb for the night of for bridesmaids and my parents.
However, like most things involving weddings, this got way more complicated than expected.
The bride says she "struggled" with the bridesmaids' shoes since they "took issue" with the ones she chose. So she let them pick their own shoes—which worked out fine with all of the bridesmaids but one.
However, I really struggled to get them shoes, as every single pair I chose (about 15) at least one of them had an issue with. I was either looking at the same colour as their dresses, or silver, and I had shown them a mix of flats and small heels. Nothing worked.
I suggested that they should each buy themselves a pair of silver shoes in whatever style they felt comfortable with, to make things simpler. 3 of my Maids were happy with this, one even has a pair she already had that she will wear, which is brilliant!
But her 4th bridesmaid chose a pair of shoes costing £190, which is approximately $250!!!
But the other one...
She told me that I was being dramatic, and that she couldn't really afford to buy her own stuff, because I said I would get everything. Which is fair, but I'm not asking too much?
I ended up offering for her to find her own shoes, and I would go with her, and pay for them. She sends me a link to the shoes she chose, and they're £190!! (approx $250)
The bride told the bridesmaid this was too much, and she could either buy them herself or find a cheaper pair for around £30-60 ($40-80). The bridesmaid said no, it was either $250 shoes "or nothing."
All the shoes I was looking at for them were around £30-60. So I simply said they were too much, but she could buy them for herself, or find a cheaper pair. To which she said it was them, or nothing.
Unclear if this bridesmaid is threatening to ditch the wedding entirely if she doesn't get her shoes—or if she's threatening to attend the wedding but not wear any shoes. Either way, she's a monster.
Someone shared a screenshot of the bride's post to Reddit's "Choosing Beggars" page.
In the comments, people are shredding this bridesmaid for her entitled behavior.
Wow. When I was a bridesmaid we paid for our dresses. Bride bought our shoes and a bracelet as our bridal party gifts... and hairstyle and nails were part of the brides package at the place we went to to get dolled up. But we paid for our dresses. I’d have been ecstatic if I just had to buy the shoes ($30) rather than the $300 dress!
I was a bridesmaid for 3 different wedding and different people not in the same friend circle and I paid for everything, shoes, dress, nails, makeup and hair (did those three myself) and also, every time, I paid for a big part of the bachelorette party and the wedding gift too without question. I thought it was the norm.
People are giving the bride suggestions for how to handle bridesmaid-zilla's bratty behavior.
The planet is melting so say your goodbyes while you still can.
Turns out, there are a lot of people who think climate change is like Santa or fairies or The Kardashian family's natural beauty and you can choose whether or not to "believe" in it. Unfortunately, the scientific community thinks otherwise...
While we're all worried about getting college degrees and our mortgages and retirement plans and debt, we might not have a home upon which to live out our futures. Pretty dark stuff! Maybe it's time to re-watch Pixar's "Wall-E?" The polar bears need our help.
While 16-year-olds are fighting our battles for us because the adults in charge are seriously slacking, we can use humor to inspire people to join the fight for our planet. Here are the funniest and truest tweet about the climate crisis. Take that plastic straw out of your mouth! Get out and recycle! The time for change was yesterday...
1.
We have like 5 seconds on this planet I want to spend as much of it laughing and cumming as possible also petting dogs
when i said “i got the horses in the back” it was in reference to reversing the ongoing climate change, water pollution, and catastrophic political climate we are witnessing in these trying times.
if it weren’t for that iceberg sinking the titanic we never would have gotten the movie that launched leonardo into stardom no wonder he’s so passionate about climate change he owes icebergs his whole career
"Well happy birthday Jesus, sorry your party's so lame."
-Michael Scott, The Office
Do not get too drunk at the office holiday party. I REPEAT do not get too drunk at the office holiday party. Alright, I know you're definitely going to get too drunk at the office holiday party, but that's ok. Open bars and awkward coworker conversations are a recipe for disaster and, as it turns out, some hilarious memes.
Who among us hasn't anxiously cleared our browser history out of a paranoid fear that someone will find out our searches, and mock us endlessly?! While porn and sex-related searches can be revealing in one way, the most indicting and embarrassing browses are often far more dumb.
Even the smartest among us has brain blips we attempt to cure with swift Google searches, and the data hoarders behind the curtain could write a burn book just listing people's silliest searches.
In a recent Reddit thread, people shared the most embarrassing Google searches that don't have to do with porn, and it'll make you feel much better about your browsing history.
Edit; thank you everyone for the advice! No, I've never had kids, yes I'm a woman, no I wasnt asleep, I didnt even feel the urge to pee. I just all of a sudden was
I kind of just decided to ignore it for now and will go see a doc if it happens again. I'm glad my top voted comment is about peeing myself!
4. trolldoll420's parents want to know who Justin is.
It wasn’t my search history, but I once went to my parents’ house and found “Who is Justin Bieber?” in their search bar.
6. Smiedro has a lot of bizarre facts up their sleeve.
I was doing some dnd prep and it’s comes up with some interesting things. “How much do bones weigh” “how much surface area is the moon” “how much blood in a person” “how viscous is mud” “how many noodles for spaghetti” “can I live on lemonade and peanuts” lots of random things. That I won’t be sharing with anyone unless they are the entire internet.
All my life, I've bathed by lathering up with just the soap bar. Then I saw a web video making fun of people who don't use wash cloths, so I relatively recently started experimenting with using a wash cloth. Though I haven't experienced enough of a difference to warrant the extra effort ( keeping clean ones on hand etc). Thinking maybe I was doing it wrong, tried looking up tutorials. Haven't found anything compelling enough, so far.
I draw often, and I have difficulty drawing children's faces, so I have to draw more children so I can learn.
So my search history consists of
Child smiling Child angry Angry child Surprised child Cute baby Cute kid smiling Ugly baby Child wearing hat Baby in a basket Baby eyes Homeless children 3rd world children
Etc.
I get scared to let someone use my phone lest I have to explain myself.
I ran a mile today as fast as I could and then googled to see what the average person is supposed to be able to do. Found out that I'm 50% slower than expected for an "in shape" 50 year old. I'm 34.
Edit: posted this right before I went to sleep, woke up to over 100 notifications. I've never had more than like 10 before. Will start replying, guess I wont be bored today!
Edit2: the FAQ edition.
-I should clarify that "run" is probably the wrong word. I cant run the whole time, its brisk walking with bursts of running
-Im on a treadmill set to its maximum incline setting for the purpose of making it harder
-The time was 15:01, narrowly missing my goal.
-Goal isn't actually to be good at running, just trying to improve aerobic endurance so that I dont get winded at whatever sporty activity I decide to do on a given weekend.
This chick I'm with has an account on here, and every now and again I check to see if she's posting or commenting.
It's not that I don't trust her, but she's rather closed off so I just wanna make sure she's not sad or anything. I wouldn't be too jazzed if she knew this.
'Tis the season to be frantically searching for holiday gifts in a blind panic. December is a stressful time of year for anyone celebrating gift-giving holidays. And time's a running out! But just because you waited until mid-December doesn't mean your holiday gifts need to be a flop.
People on Reddit are sharing the last-minute Christmas gifts they get that are "always a winner." Here are 28 of our faves that just might save Christmas:
Tickets to something that person would enjoy, whether it's a play, musical, concert, dinner theater experience, live podcast, comedy show, sporting event, movie, museum, art show, historic place tour or tour of something else. It's easy to get (just buying tickets/passes to something) but also very personal & meaningful. It can also range from being a cheap gift (like movie tickets) to more expensive (like a Broadway show) depending on your price range and closeness to that person.
Last year I was at Microcenter buying someone a drone, and they have bins of 32GB flash drives at the checkout counter for $3. I bought 15 and put them in everyone's stockings. People loved it.
Last year i put hundreds of the best rock music on a USB for my dad to listen to in the car. It was the night before Christmas. He uses it everyday still.
4.) For anyone who needs to clean their floors (everyone).
Shop vac. Eminently practical and it sucks having to buy one for yourself. The giftee will laugh and then you’ll get a text or a call like a month after saying it’s the best thing they’ve ever gotten
One year I went to my grandmas house and snapped a few pictures of the old albums. Went home, made some collages out of the pictures, made them into magnets. (I did this at home with what I have, but a mail order place can do it too) I didn’t know if people would like them but several people cried when I gave them out. They all compared pictures and still have them up.
I figured I’d add it here for anyone curious, this is one of the collages I tried to have the collage feature the person it was intended for, this one is heavy on my mom in her cat-eye glasses and on the back of the motorbike, and my lovely aunt sitting front.
One of the best gifts I've ever received was a big box of thrifted books. I am a big reader of trashy romance novels and I go through them pretty fast. They paid like $5 for this box of books and it gave me like 3 months of reading material. I was super happy!
Homemade cookies. One year I was particularly broke and decided to make everyone Xmas biscuits. Felt a bit stingy as I didn’t really spend anything on it (had all the flour, eggs, spices etc already at home and only had to buy a single chocolate bar to make choco chips) but people LOVED it and now ask me for them each year. I usually personalise the flavours or ice the person’s name/something they like on them. For one friend (who loves warm cookies) I gifted a log of cookie dough and cooking instructions, that went down pretty well.
If they're drinkers, a nice bottle of Champagne. New Year's is right around the corner, and that way they'll have a nice bottle of bubbly to enjoy their night with.
Massage voucher. Most adults don't really need physical things. The ones who do either buy it themselves (if they can afford it, ofc) or they would ask for it, which would make the gift not so much a last minute one.
12.) For broke people, moms, or parents of young kids.
Like, my broke college friends love getting gift cards to things like GrubHub and Uber Eats.
My mom friends enjoy those gift baskets that come with bath bombs lotions and stuff or a new, fluffy robe
Also if you have the spare time and want parent friends to really love you, a handmade coupon for a free night of babysitting so they can go to a movie or just get dinner, or even stay home and just sleep lol
I like my gifts to be practical, no matter who's getting them.
Small, bright keychain lights like the Photon Micro or the Olight IE3 EOS.
Small Swiss Army knives like the Swiss Army Classic.
Awesome socks like Smartwool or Darn Tough or Fox River.
High quality beanie from Outdoor Research, Arcteryx, Smartwool, Sealskinz.
Space pens and a small, quality pocket notebook.
Coffee Travel mugs from Contigo.
Small car emergency kits, everyone needs them and literally no one has them.
Powerbanks
If you live some place it snows: A good snow scraper, because again, for some reason, everyone has some piece of junk from a gas station.
Magnetic charging cables. Seriously. I give these all the time and they're a huge hit, especially for iPhone users who seem to be constantly breaking either their cord or the charge port. I like the NetDot and Volta.
Small, quality multi-tool from Gerber, Leatherman or SOG. These are especially popular with women that get them from us.
If the gifts aren't for office randos or distant cousins I see every 10 years, I'll make themed sets, like a small light, a power bank and the magnetic charging cables or beanie, socks, travel mug.
You can spend 20-50 or more on high quality, practical gifts or you can spend the same on a breadmaker that'll get used once.
Instead of Stockings I always make my friends and family "Santa Sacks":
Santa Sacks (I get packs of 2 burlap Christmas bags from Walmart for $5)
A mix of at least 3 candies (up to $10, can be other snacks if your recipients don't like sweets)
Small gifts (Generally things they need or want throughout the year but don't want to get themselves [i.e. dice, pencils, pens, face masks, mini candles, lip balm, razors])
For the adults I put in assortments of mini alcohol bottles (can be around $3 each bottle)
Scratch-off lottery tickets (Up to $5 each)
Gift cards (Only to places you know they like)
Overall, each sack costs about $20 each but has a lot of thought and knick-knacks in it!
The key is to just know the general likes and dislikes of a person or know what part of life they're in.
High school or college students could always use more mechanical pencils or some nice pens.
Office workers can always use some nice pens as well.
Teachers can use nice colored pens for marking up papers.
Females tend to like the self-care items more so face, foot, lip masks, lip balm, mini candles, bath bombs, and razors.
Smokers (and even non-smokers) might like a little quality Zippo, casual drinkers might like an assortment of mini alcohol bottles.
Scratch-offs are almost always fun (don't get it for any recovering gamblers though).
Gift cards are thoughtful if done right, just make sure it's a place they like and give them an adequate amount to get at least one thing from that place (one good game, one good meal, one good hobby item, etc.).
You can save some money if you go to Target or Walmart and get those gift boxes that they sell around the holidays with packs of self-care items and others and then split those accordingly among the Santa Sacks. Avoid makeup unless you know their shade or preferred brands, get them a gift card to a nice makeup place instead (though you should expect to put at least $30-100 for a decent item or haul). Sorry for the wall of text but I've finally gotten out of my gift-giving funk and want to help anyone else that needs last-minute ideas!
Mobile Edit: Just wanted to add some things people might enjoy in their bags: Fuzzy socks, games (video games or small puzzle games), multi-tools, medicine (I run through migraine medicine and my partner got me a Costco sized bottle once and I cried), stickers (never too old for stickers, especially if you get the ones on amazon for your water bottles or computers), mini notebooks or sketch pads, batteries (especially if they are getting other gifts that don't include them), tea or coffee samplers, and those tiny books that B&N sell next to their checkout (like the mini bonsai trees or mini props that are $10)
I also like to wrap anything in a box or container so they have more to unwrap!
This has been a rough year for me. Funds are tight so I am making 100 dozen tamales to give to my family and friends this year. And for my Christmas grandchildren's birthdays I am making them their favorite cake. Hummingbird. I know every one will be happy as I am always being asked to make these items for them throughout the year.
Movie theater gift cards. I buy them in $25 increments so people can have a date night. I don't care how many Hulus, Netflixes, and Amazon Primes you have, everyone loves seeing a movie on the big screen. I get those for teachers, coaches, etc. Everyone loves it.
This is probably a given but if they're into art get them some nice materials. A good quality sketchbook and a pack of Prismacolors goes a long way. Even something like good quality pens or a better pack of markers will be super appreciated.
29.) For me.
From me:
To my friends and family, if you're reading this, I would like a gift card to Target
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL AN EMPTY BANK ACCOUNT!
Jameela Jamil deleted an Instagram comparing abortions to evictions after people called the analogy out-of-touch.
Screenshots are forever.
"The choice is the Landlord’s, not the tenant’s, nor the neighbour’s," she wrote, bravely coming forward as both pro-choice and pro-landlord.
Jamil's first sin was lazily making a meme with her own glamour shot, with what is clearly Instagram Stories.
Her second sin, according to activists on Twitter, was throwing her support behind landlords, whose habits of throwing working class people onto the streets is not particularly "woke."
What did women with wombs do to deserve being compared to landlords, who evict tenants to make money?
"Landlords are trash and we shouldn't compare them to valid medical procedures like abortion," a critic wrote.
Surprised to hear from @jameelajamil that landlords turfing their helpless tenants out onto the streets is woke now but if she says so. pic.twitter.com/OoGBS6bJW5
Hey @jameelajamil, this is really disappointing to see from someone I respect and admire. 😕 My full thoughts are way too fuckin long for 240 characters, but the short version is, landlords are trash and we shouldn't compare them to valid medical procedures like abortion. pic.twitter.com/6lv4D9PymW
sooo has anyone told @jameelajamil tenants, by necessity and deservedly, do have undeniable rights to protect themselves against a notoriously corrupt class of owners (landlords)? What a hilariously off point and unsuccessful analogy. The "multi-millionaire" privilege jumped out! https://t.co/Nb72ykVwS4
In addition to deleting the post in shame, Jamil acknowledged the criticism, explaining that she is aware of the socialist critique of her meme, and that she didn't mean for it to endorse evictions.
😂 I understand that the concept of the Landlord is not socialist. It’s just a technical analogy, to highlight the concept and laws of ownership, which we (bizarrely) passionately apply to property/land and not to a woman’s body somehow. Even in 2019. Which is really maddening. X
Even in the most communicative of relationships, it can be hard to ask your partner for what you need, especially if it involves them changing their behavior. But slogging through those difficult conversations is far healthier than holding it all inside and letting resentment build up.
Still, broaching a partner's frustrating habits can sometimes backfire, especially if they're in a fragile space, so at times it feels like more risk than gain.
An exhausted husband on the Am I The A*shole subreddit found himself in this precarious position during a recent conversation with his pregnant wife.
AITA for asking my pregnant wife to stop crying, and to help me around the house with chores?
Good morning all.
OP kicked off the post by sharing that his wife is a few months pregnant and stays at home with their 4-year-old.
My wife is currently going on around 11 weeks pregnant and she's stay-at-home with our 4 year old kid. Even before we got married nearly a decade ago, I always did most of the housework. I did (and still do) about 95% of the cooking (because figuring out a recipe makes her anxious apparently), I do the sweeping and the mopping, I make the grocery lists and go do the groceries, I take out the trash,I do both of our laundry, I do the dishes, so on and so forth.
For the majority of their relationship, OP has done the lion's share of house work and cooking on top of working a full time job.
This is all on top of working a demanding job so of course its only natural that im starting to burn out a little bit. I've had this conversation many times with her and she never takes responsibility at all. In some cases, things will get better for a little bit then go back to how it was before. I will say though that it got significantly better, and then she got pregnant again and then the burden shifted back to me again and this is how it's been lately. I've voiced my concerns about it but she cries her way out of it.
OP has asked his wife to pitch in more, but she has a habit of crying during their serious talks and usually cries herself out of it.
Now this part is going to seem heartless and like I hate her but I really do not. But my wife is a serial crier. It's extremely taxing on me because it seems like she is trying to guilt trip me into giving up, every time I try to talk to her about something that i'm unhappy about. I'm even afraid to talk about my emotions, or do anything by myself because she cries to get me out of it. Example: About 2 days ago I was playing on my PS4, which I rarely do. Maybe an hour or 2 a week. She was sitting next to me, playing a game on her phone and we were just sitting in silence enjoying each other's company, or so I thought - next thing I know shes bawling her eyes out because "i'm not giving her attention".
OP brought it up again recently, and revealed he can't continue carrying all the house work if she doesn't pitch in.
Anyways I talked with her about maybe picking up the load around the house - I know she's pregnant and im not asking her to do a huge amount but shes not an invalid - she can wash some dishes, or clean off some of her puke when she throws up (she gets it all over the toilet) instead of waiting for me to clean it up.
Once again, OP's wife cried when confronted, but this time he stood his ground - which made the conversation escalate into a full-blown fight.
Anything to take the load off of me a bit. She, again, started crying. This time I stood my ground and asked her to stop crying because I felt like she was guilt tripping me, and I said that something has to change or I can't continue for much longer. She then went into complete hysterics and had some choice words for me but again I stood my ground because I don't feel like im being unreasonable.
Edit: The crying has been an issue long before she got pregnant
the___wzrd thinks OP is completely within his rights, and that they should seek therapy.
NTA. You tried to bring it up and she tried to manipulate her way out of it. It’s very reasonable To ask her to pick up some of the slack here.
If things don’t get better I’d suggest couples counseling.
ETA: I made this comment when this thread was in its baby stages and coming back to it, I’ve seen a lot of people voting him Y-T-A or saying he’s an a*shole “because he didn’t stick up for himself sooner”. That’s not true, he said hes brought it up multiple times - and even if it were true, that’s victim blaming and y’all shouldn’t do that.
thestreetiliveon thinks the conversation was completely called for.
NTA. Like you said, she’s pregnant and not an invalid. I was pregnant with twins and managed to take care of the chores - while working full-time. I can’t imagine living with that, sorry.
anonbecauseyeeeeee empathizes with the crying, but doesn't think it should get OP's wife off the hook.
NTA. Dude I’d be so pissed if I was you. She stays at home, but you work AND do the house chores? Bro, you deserve better than that. I’m also a serial crier but I tell people to just ignore it and keep talking to me about what the problem is. If she’s been doing this since before she was pregnant I totally get your frustration.
InnocentlyHarmful thinks it's important for OP to keep his wife's hormones in mind, but also stand his ground.
NTA. She DEFINITELY can help with small things, ESPECIALLY cleaning after herself when she threw up everywhere.
Try and see if you guys can get counseling/therapy OR you each have one (Ik mental health care is pricey af)
Just remember she’s very hormonal Rn and will get even MORE hormonal as time passes until the baby is born (congrats on the pregnancy btw!!!)
Also, talk to her. Communication IS key. Even is she does cry and insult you, keep holding our ground and letting her know how you’re feeling and how you need help.
Yes she’s pregnant but can still help and get her emotions together. Not trying to be rude btw.
Hopefully, OP and his wife are able to come to a mutually beneficial agreement about how to manage the house work. Especially since there will only be more of it once they have another child.
Whoever said the "customer is always right" has never worked in customer service. Because those of us who have know that a customer's version of events can often stray so far from reality it's basically Sci Fi. This is why, when reading reviews for restaurants and hotels on sites like Yelp and TripAdvisor, it's important to check if the restaurant responded.
When a customer left a one-star review for a "horrible" restaurant in Asheville, North Carolina, they promptly got spit-roasted by the manager, who responded to the review with their own version of what actually happened.
A screenshot of the review, and the response, was shared on the Reddit page "Murdered by Words." This is a flawless example of someone being verbally slaughtered.
The customer starts by calling the restaurant "horrible!" and says that while the appetizers were "delicious," the service was "fair," entrees were "over cooked and took forever" and the management was "condescending and unhelpful."
They also claimed that they were "chastised" for eating the food after saying they weren't happy with it (seems fair?) and felt as if the staff "didn't care" and that the restaurant overall was "poorly managed and operated."
The general manager responded with a list of things that were conveniently "left out" of the customer's 1-star review, like the fact that this customer "harassed" the server, calling her "stupid."
The manager then explained that the entrées arrived in waves because the customers ordered them four separate times. And that the manager's "smugness" was a reaction to the customer demanding that a medium-well-done filet take no longer than "3-4 minutes, tops" to prepare.
Finally, they explained that the customers ate all their food which made it impossible for them to "improve operations" since they couldn't verify any of the issues. They also said that the rest of the party seemed like "pleasant" people and that this customer's behavior was singularly abhorrant.
They also finished the letter with a flaming hot burn.
If you've worked in service, you know two things: 1) the customer is often wrong. And 2) restaurant managers are not-to-be-messed with. This one is a prime example. If you have what it takes to manage a restaurant, you also probably have what it takes to sweep the rug with a terrible customer.
Of course, as one Reddit commenter pointed out, this manager's professionalism and eloquence is particularly top-notch.
Chrissy Teigen hosted an impromptu Q&A answering questions about what it's like being super famous, and it turns out there's more to being famous than just being bombarded with questions on Twitter.
Teigen quipped that being famous is both having "an awesome life and zero life all at the same time," which got people thinking about the tradeoff.
The questions kept flooding in, so Teigen indulged the people with a few more honest answers.
Like your mom (hopefully), her proudest accomplishment is her kids.
The moment she knew she was a celebrity was when she tweeted something at an award show. and people cared. There was no going back.
Chrissy and John's house is full of "random sh*t" they didn't ask for, but they make sure to donate the stuff they don't need.
While fame makes her feel "stuck" at times, she loves Twitter because she can talk to her fans like we're friends.
See, Mom! I have friends!
She shared how she decided on her childrens' names: Luna has the sky to thank, and Miles was always a Miles.
Her husband has yet to come clean about his role in a secret society controlling the universe.
If there is, I don’t know about it!! But I love a conspiracy theory. John still hasn’t told me if he’s Illuminati https://t.co/SWnlJ4vbBB
No doubt about it, holiday shopping is stressful. Whether you're fighting crowds at the mall or navigating sales online, you and your bank account definitely take a hit this time of year. Give your credit card a break and take some time to laugh at these hilariously accurate holiday shopping memes.
An online Christmas miracle occurred this week in the depths of Reddit, thanks to some encouraging strangers.
A cash-strapped dad posted to the site's "Am I the A-hole?" forum about two weeks ago, asking if it would be okay for him to cancel Christmas because he didn't have the funds. After receiving over 2,000 responses, he changed his mind and posted an update about it.
The recent post announcing his newfound Christmas cheer says:
So, it's been 2 weeks and somehow the messages are still coming in. Thankfully the offers of charity have stopped (here's hoping they were redirected to their communities) but a good deal of them asking whether or not I stopped being a grinch and started being a good husband and father again.
But let's go back to the original post where he threatened to ax Christmas.
His post was entitled, "[Am I the a-hole] if I 'cancel' Christmas because I can't afford it this year?"
"Title says it all, sole provider for family, all credit cards maxed, negative bank balance, upcoming missed payments until my next check, basically destitute for the foreseeable future," he wrote, continuing:
My wife and I usually decorate on Black Friday, but this year I don't want to. The thought of putting up our fake tree knowing I'll have nothing to put under it fills me with such a mix of shame, anger, and pain. I would prefer to just let December pass and cut out as many things as I can until I can get my finances under control. Plus, my daughter is 2. She won't know, care, or even remember one missed Christmas. So, AITA? I'm already a failure as a husband and father, so what say you here?
The people of Reddit came out in droves to give him the swift yet gentle kick in the pants he needed.
Decorating with stuff you have wont cost anything but will make your wife happy. Christmas isnt about presents under the tree. Its the memories you make around that tree with people you love. Let her decorate if she wants to.
Youre also an a***** to yourself in this post. Listen. Debt cripples people. It crushes them and spits them out so it has room to gobble up another guy. You arent a failure. You gotta be nicer to yourself man. Good luck.
nomad_1970 agreed that presents are far from the best thing about Christmas:
just because you don't have anything to put under the tree doesn't mean you can't celebrate. Don't celebrate the presents (or lack thereof). Celebrate the things you do have, a wife who loves you, a daughter who will be thrilled to just spend time with her father. No need to spend money to celebrate. There's absolutely no need to feel shame just because you can't afford things.
Your kiddo is only two. You can make the best Christmas with very very little. You have a month to look on FB market. Do you have Nextdoor in your area? We’ve gotten a bunch of free stuff for the kids that neighbors give away. Check garage sales. My oldest thinks he’s the king of the world if we give him $5 and take him to the dollar store. It’s all junk that ends up trashed eventually from breaking but he loves it. Stream a Christmas movie and have cocoa. If you have access to a printer, print a bunch of Christmas coloring pages and have a color party. Walmart has $1 bathtub paint that’s basically soap.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. There will be plenty of Christmases where you can go all out and those will be remembered.
And the responses continued to filter in, with the vast majority of people telling Dad to keep his chin up and keep the Christmas train rolling.
After sifting through the responses, the dad had a change of heart. He wrote:
This was not about garnering pity or soliciting charity. It was my insecurity equating gifts with love that warped Christmas for me. It almost ruined Christmas for me. Regardless of the vote here, I truly am THE a**hole for that. So please, turn your charity to your communities, your neighbors. Not some middle class jagoff who spent himself into debt trying to prove how much he loved a family that only needed him to be a happy and healthy presence at home. You all have humbled me beyond words, beyond charity.
Instead of hating himself for his financial situation, he's going to work on improving:
You have given me both the perspective and the courage to seek professional help, both financial and psychological, and hopefully it's not too late for this stupid old man to become a better father and husband. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. His spirit is truly embodied in all of you beautiful and selfless redditors. Never lose the light. Love and cheer to all. But as you can see, I deserve neither your charity nor your goodness, and I'm going to go disappear back into anonymity now if possible and work on me.
He resolved to decorate his family's Christmas tree and take plenty of photos:
I still dread the thought of lugging that old fake tree out of the laundry room, but my feelings have to come 3rd, here and always. My wife and daughter need the love and joy that that old tree will bring, and I need to give them everything I can, even if it's the just the spirit of the season. They deserve to feel the warmth of a festive home, and we already own the damn thing, so it's literally the least I can do.
He's going to volunteer this holiday season and encourages others to do the same:
It will be a tough few months, but I have a good job with opportunities to grow and am going to work with professionals to learn some much needed budget control, and work with a therapist to learn to accept help from family and friends when the new baby arrives and to be less hard on myself. I am also going to spend more time with my local food bank, I signed up to help build meal kits this week to be distributed for Christmas in my community. I'm planning on "giving" generously this season, just not in the consumerist sense. I think that's a "new tradition" that my family can and will preserve for years to come. Even y'all who called me a stupid ****. Thank you, too, for keeping me grounded.
He also is picking up DJ gigs to bring in extra cash for the holidays, and has sold off about $750 worth of stuff he and his wife had laying around the house.
So this potential Scrooge had a change of heart.
Thank you to all who reached out and made me realize that I really was an a******. I let my personal shortcomings almost ruin a holiday for my wife and child. It won't be as fancy as our last Christmases, but I have a feeling that this year will be very special to me, no matter how little is under my tree. I realized that I have all the gifts I need, and I cannot thank the beautiful people who offered up so much charity to a grumpy stranger. I didn't need to accept your gifts to accept your love, and the offers alone changed my life.
If that doesn't bring a tear to your eye, I don't know what to tell ya.
“Laughter is the only medicine, without side effects.” ― Shannon L. Alder
If laughter is the best medicine, consider this list to be 27 flu shots. Each of these memes was carefully chosen to make you giggle this morning. WE'RE ALL GONNA LIVE FOREVER!
1. Genetic testing can really open up a can of worms.
A hospital where I was a Med student had a baby born with Hydrops, which is where a baby gets two bad copies of a red blood cell gene, one from each parent. Baby died shortly after birth. Parents came in for genetic counselling and testing revealed the woman’s husband did not carry the alpha thalassaemia gene. The couple asked what was the chance another baby of theirs would have this condition the doctors were honest and told them “zero percent”. They left it at that. - inityowinit
2. This "dad" learned during a vasectomy that he was actually infertile his whole life.
A nurse friend of mine told me about helping with a vasectomy when the Doctor saw that the patient, a married father of two children was clearly infertile and would have been all his life. Due to the man taking Valium before the local anisthetic the Dr made the guy come back for a follow up where he had to explain the mans medical condition to him. No idea what the fall out was. - patfreebird
3. Jerry Springer is jealous he never thought of this.
Had a mum to be who had narrowed the options for babydaddy down to her top three. She was having a c-section and didn't understand why all three potential dads couldn't come into theatre. She then asked if we could rotate them through, and maybe she'd let the one that was there when baby came out be the 'real daddy'. Took all my professionalism to smile politely. - mnohc
4. And some of us can't even get a text back.
I'm a midwife. I once had a woman come to my clinic unannounced (she wasn't my patient but I'm NHS so saw her anyway) She had a man with her, she knew she was about 3 months pregnant but hadn't come for any antenatal care.
I asked if she'd had sex the night before (she'd come in because she'd had a little bleeding) I looked at the partner as mum said yes and he said "nothing to do with me - I'm just the baby daddy" Turns out she had a new boyfriend at home, this was just the guy she'd been with 3 months before.
I popped her up on the table to examine her and straight away had to tell her that she was actually about 5 months along but I would arrange a scan to confirm. The dude just got up and walked out.
Turns out there was a third guy 5 months ago. - LaSageFemme
5. Yikes.
I had a patient like this. She was like 28 weeks or something, pretended her last period was 2 months prior to my visit with her and that this boyfriend of 3 months was the only potential father. When I explained that he was not, she asked when was the latest she could get an abortion. (Answer: quite a while ago in our area.) - 39bears
6. Who knew the NICU was basically a daily soap opera?
I work in a nicu and frequently babies will come down to our units accompanied by their father while mom is still getting stitched up and it is usually the time when fathers will question us about how to do a paternity test or they will ask us questions like “does this baby look half black to you?” Or “would you say this baby could be mine or not”. We’ve also had an occasion where mom has admitted to us dad isn’t baby’s father but we’re not legally able to say anything so we just have to pretend we know nothing and will just submit a social work consult to look into the situation a bit more. - Jordyn-869
7. Give these people a raise.
Our NICU does not allow paternity testing to be done inpatient and some of our babies stay with us for 3-6 months depending on their gestation. We’ve had a few looooong and awkward waits for babies to get discharged before we could find out who the dads are. The two most recent cases were babies born at 23 and 25 week gestations both kids with 3 possible dads. None of the potential dads stayed involved in the 3+ month hospital stay waiting to find out if they’re the father. It’s so awkward for the staff. - kyelmo
8. Some people, including doctors, just don't understand genetics.
I had a doctor that thought my boy wasn't mine because he came out blonde with blue eyes. I'm half native with dark hair/ dark green eyes and my dad is a blonde blue/green eyed dude, my wife is a very dark brunette and her dad is a blonde, blue/green eyed dude. It got grandfathered in, he is tested genetically as mine, but the doctor was very, very iffy. - Mushwoo
9. Most dramatic love triangle of all time.
A woman came to the ER with abdominal pain. She was their with her girlfriend. We ran a pregnancy test per protocol - don’t ever trust a patient when it comes to sexual history. So I got to break the news to this lesbian couple that one of them was unexpectedly pregnant. And, yes, I tried to discretely tell the patient the news alone, but she INSISTED anything I had to say should be done so in front of her girlfriend. OK, but I don’t think that was the prize she was expecting. Baby-daddy showed up. Commotion ensued. Security had to get involved when girlfriend started attacking baby-daddy. - sailphish
10. Next, on MTV's "Teen Stepdad"...
A teenage mom brought her newborn to the ER to be evaluated for something fairly minor (new parent, didn’t really know what she was doing). There was also this teenage guy in the room, so I asked his relationship to the patient. He said he was the step-dad. Apparently he had been dating the mom for a for about a month (baby is about 3 weeks old). It took me a few minutes to wrap my head around that one. For his own sake, I really hope that dumb guy didn’t sign the birth certificate. - sailphish
11. Worst dad of the year?
My husband is a surgical technician. Years ago he helped deliver a baby via emergency c- section. The baby was black and born to two very white parents. The dad freaked out and left the hospital with the mom in tears. The doctor convinced him to get a paternity test and he did end up being the father. Genetics is weird. - alate9
12. What did the chair ever do to him?
Not a doctor, but worked in the pharmacy. Husband went downstairs after the baby was delivered. He took the commercial chair and tossed it into the window shattering it in the waiting area. It was Christmas season too, so that didn't help. Everyone was cold with the chilly winds coming in. I wonder what would happen to the wife afterwards. - alinaangelikova
Being cheated on is hard enough to handle without modern technology doing the sleuthing for us...
The pain of learning someone you trusted decided to be with someone else while you were minding your own business thinking you were in a healthy relationship with a non-cheater is pretty devastating. Of course, there are a number of ways people discover their partners are cheating, modern technology has definitely given skeptical romance detectives an advantage. It's never ok to violate your partner's privacy by searching through their phone or iPad, but if sexy messages from someone else happen to come up on the screen because they didn't hide their message previews, is that really your fault? What are those kiss faces? Who is "Jenni, Downtown bar?"
When NFL network reporter Jane Slater joined in on the "should you give your wife a Peloton bike for Christmas debate, she shared a story of an exercise-related holiday gift gone wrong.
An Ex Boyfriend once got me a Fitbit for Christmas. I loved it. We synched up, motivated each other... didn’t hate it until he was unaccounted for at 4am and his physical activity levels were spiking on the app 🥴wish the story wasn’t real. https://t.co/npRkLJYYz0
The story must've brought back memories because then Slater shared this:
I also had a guy get drunk and bring another girl home forgetting I was spending the night there. We were set to go to church the next morning and I stayed in to get sleep. I could write a book.
Hearing similar concerns as the traveling spouse with a new Sleep Number Smartbed. I’ll be checking “activity levels” when I’m away! pic.twitter.com/4qSXQbtx5O
And others began to chime in with tales of dirty cheaters:
Heard on a local radio show the other day, a woman was reading a restaraunt review, and the writer included a photo from inside. The reader saw her husband with another woman in the photo, and confessed when she confronted him later. Thought that was about as unique as it can get
called my ex repeatedly one night without any answer which was v bizarre ESPECIALLY bc it was my bday.... continued calling throughout the night until he accidentally picked up on his apple watch, mid f*ck with another girl from his hometown L O L good times
Jane! My ex husband got caught in an affair because he was wearing the training watch and heartbeat monitor my mom bought him for Christmas - while “running”. It was the under-one-minute heart rate spike that confirmed things for me! #prematuresayswhat
I caught my ex-wife cheating by being 1 of very few guys who don't leave the toilet seat up... I was raised that way by my mother. Wasn't too hard to figure out that b+#*h was doing it in our house...
I once caught someone cheating on me through NETFLIX. Homeboy was watching something with someone (we shared an account) as she tweeted about the plot of the movie. Safe to say technology is God sent. Lol
Omg. Still, I would take that over how I found out my ex-husband was cheating. Daughter found nude photos of the Other Woman on her iPad which was still synced to her dad’s phone. Then when confronted, he had the nerve to try and deny he was cheating. 🙄
After 7 yrs, we got engaged. 3 mths later he cheated with an escort. I found the thank you text he sent her the following morning after charging up his iwatch. So grateful for that iwatch & thankful I have my integrity intact.
