Post-partum depression is a very serious condition that affects an estimated 13% of mothers, and yet it's still largely swept under the rug and misunderstood. As with any mental illness, the symptoms it manifests vary greatly depending on the woman, her personality, other mental health issues, and parenting circumstances.

Sadly, since there is still a lot of stigma around new mothers behaving or feeling anything other than full of love and gratitude, the cultural awareness around post-partum depression is relatively low.

That being said, if a woman is suffering from PPD and doesn't actively seek out help, it can place an enormous burden on a relationship and in some cases endanger the safety of a newborn child.

In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a dad asked if he's wrong for threatening to divorce his wife after she floated the idea of skipping town for a month shortly after giving birth.

AITA for telling my wife she doesn’t have post-partum depression?

OP shared that his wife gave birth to their daughter less than two months ago, and while he loves his daughter, his wife has been extremely avoidant with the baby.

I feel awful about it, but.

So, my wife gave birth to a healthy baby girl a month and a half ago. I wouldn’t exchange the world for my daughter. She’s my first daughter, but my wife has twin sons from another marriage. However, ever since she gave birth, she’s been... neglectful.

OP shared that he has been doing the housework and all of the work caring for the baby on top of his job, and when he's asked her to pitch in she cites her post-partum as the reason she can't manage.

I don’t mean “she won’t do the housework”, but more so, she’s not doing anything at all. I’m taking care of the baby, I’m doing the housework, etc. etc. When I asked her if she could /do/ something, she said that she had post-partum depression, and therefore can’t take care of our daughter. I told her, we can go to therapy if she wants, but she refused, because it’s not that serious. I was initially annoyed, but went like f*ck it, she’s a new mum, pregnancy hurts.

Household tensions came to a head when OP's wife recently sat him down to share her plan to travel with friends for a month to party and "loosen up" in order to shake off the PPD.

When OP brought up the fact that he's already used all his holiday hours and their baby girl wouldn't have child care, his wife suggested her 8-year-old twins (from a previous partner) watch the baby.

Yesterday she sat me down, and told me that she was going to go for a month abroad with her girlfriends, to party and “loosen up” so it would get her out of the emotional slump. Now, I’ve pretty much used up all my holidays, and can’t stay at home to take care of my daughter; so I asked her would take care of our daughter. She told me to hire someone; or have our sons do it.

In response, OP told his wife he would divorce her if she neglected the family in favor of a girl's trip, which in turn sparked more of her anger.

I flipped out, I told her she doesn’t have PPD, she’s just f*cking neglectful, and eight year olds are in no way or form supposed to be taking care of a newborn, and besides, they have a school to f*cking go to. I told her if she goes on this trip, it’s a divorce; I love her, but I cannot abide by this.

Now she’s mad and won’t talk to me, and I’m sleeping on the couch.

AITA here?

OP followed up his post with a series of addendums to help readers have a clearer picture of their relationship, so they could weigh in more effectively.

EDITS/INFO:

I don’t know how she was with the twins, they’re my step-children. I might ask her family if they know.

She has done literally nothing to our baby girl.

Her PPD is self-diagnosed (I think I saw a comment about that?)

Sleeping on the couch is the least of my worries right now. But the baby was planned; we both wanted (and felt ready) for a child together.

I’ll talk with her tonight, and tell her that if she wants to go on a holiday with her friends (which I still hate the idea of), she has to go to a psychiatrist, and talk with him about this first.

Until then, I’ll keep the daughter with my mum when I’m at work. Someone mentioned possibility of hurting our baby, and I don’t think she’s like this, but it’s to put my heart at ease.

kaypuiu thinks OP shouldn't have gaslit his wife, but also thinks his wife isn't dealing with her PPD in a healthy way.

ESH- she probably does have PPD but I don’t think that’s an excuse to leave a new born for a month. She should go to therapy and you need to be supportive.

SarcasticBlackCat thinks there are no jerks in this situation, since OP is trying his best and his wife is obviously unwell.

If a woman who has just given birth is talking about walking out and leaving an 8 year old in charge, that’s pretty strong evidence of a psychological breakdown; whether that’s PPD, psychosis or something else.

If she’s refusing help you might need to get social services, or the equivalent where you are, involved for the sake of you and the kids. In the UK she could be held on an involuntary section for a few weeks while having treatment. It’s not nice but it’s better in the long run.

El_Yeetador completely understands where OP is coming from, but agrees with others that he shouldn't have claimed his wife is lying about PPD.

NAH but she needs help.

E S H, but like 2% you and the rest her. She might have post partum, sure. But a MONTH while the baby is not even a year?!? What the hell! Dude! I think you were misguided in saying she doesn't have post partum, but the rest of it--including divorce--isn't. Edit: NTA, I re-read and you offered therapy, etc.

syraxxz thinks that OP's wife has post-partum psychosis that might possibly merit an intervention.

NTA. You shouldn't of told her she doesn't have PPD, from the sounds of it she sounds like she has some mind of post partum mental health issue. I would be concerned with her erratic behavior like suddenly deciding to leave and go on a girls holiday for a month with a newborn at home. Postpartum Psychosis is a thing, and erratic behavior is a symptom of that. She really needs help before things escalate.

awdsawds thinks OP shouldn't divorce her unless she gets serious help and things remain this way.

Unless she normally goes off the deep end, you should be very concerned right now. She needs to see a doctor, as soon as possible. She most likely does have PPD.

And as the only 'clear-headed' person, you are kind of the a*shole, she's sick. She needs help. I can understand why it'd be hard to have sympathy when she's behaving like she is... but a grown woman saying two 8 year olds could take care of her newborn? I don't know how she could make it any clearer to you that she's sick.

Hopefully, for the sake of their marriage and their baby, OP is able to convince his wife to get therapy and meds. Post partum depression is a serious issue and requires professional treatment.

A lot of blood, sweat and tears goes into the making of fast food. Sometimes literally—though we try not to think too much about that. It's easy to forget that while you impatiently wait up to 3 minutes for your burger and fries to arrive, people are working their butts off behind-the-scenes to make everything arrive as quickly as promised. Working in fast food is not for the faint-of-heart or the thin-skinned, and these people deserve to earn way more than minimum wage.

Someone asked Reddit: "What were some of the worst experiences you have had while working in the fast food industry?" Here are 23 horror stories from fast food employees that might make you lose your craving for McDonald's, at least until lunch-time:

1.) From blatently_blunt:

I worked at Starbucks and a woman ordered her coffee at 140 degrees in the drive thru. She walks back in the cafe after pulling out and complains that her coffee was 139 degrees because she has a thermometer in her car and she demands it be remade. I laughed at her and asked if she was joking and she demanded to see my manager. My manager remade it but I didn’t get in any trouble. She was ridiculous but Starbucks’ policy is to remake anything if a customer asks for it.

Another time there was a long wait during rush hour in the morning and I apologized to a guy that it was taking a long time to get his white mocha to him. He glared at me and yelled, “you don’t really mean you’re sorry!” and refused to be cordial. He continued to look at me with disdain for the next few minutes. It made me super sad at the time. I really was sorry! Asshole. I learned not to be affected by sh*tty people so much as I got older.

2.) From CornBeWithYou:

A coworker came up to me and told me he was gangsta. I said "Troy, you're no gangster". He then pulls out a glock from his waistband.

3.) From Lindvaettr:

I was working at a pub shortly after college. During the evenings, things would always get pretty stressful and hectic. People would be snapping at each other, or saying mean things, or arguing, or whatever. Pretty standard stuff in a high stress situation like that.

One day, though, in the middle of dinner, the other cook (my immediate manager, but not the restaurant manager) apparently just had a bad night. He'd been getting progressively more agitated all night (not with me, luckily). Suddenly, a waitress came back and complained that one of her tables was complaining because the food was cold. First, the manager responded by telling her that if she'd come get her orders when they were done, they wouldn't be cold, but when she made some comment back, he snapped.

He picked up a hot pan from the stove, and I was terrified for a second that he was going to throw it at her. Instead, he swung it at hard as he could at the entire stack of clean plates and knocked almost all of them off the table, shattering them on the floor. Then he literally tore off his apron and stormed out, but not before knocking a tray of full out of another watiress's hands.

Weirdly enough, the store manager was going to let him keep his job if he'd admit being out of line. She brought him in during lunch the next day to talk to him, and instead of apologizing, he smashed a coffee cup against the wall and left.

All told, it was probably for the best.

4.) From inosilic:

I had a rough looking guy in a beat-up truck try to use 1 year old coupons. I refused to take them. That was a mistake. He held up the drive thru and screamed and screamed at me. Including "smarten up son, or you're going nowhere in life". Made me feel like sh*t until I realized that someone like that who is screaming those things at a 15 year running the drive thru, did not go anywhere in life.

5.) From semichaels:

I was a waitress at a pizza place and an older man and woman flagged me over and they just start yelling at me going on and on that they found metal in their food. And she's showing me and yelling and I am trying to apologize and saying we can make you a new pizza, I am sorry, I have no idea where it came from. After several minutes of yelling the man gets quiet and he goes "oh, I lost a filling". Then they tried to be all nice and laugh it off. I just wanted to say screw you for treating me like crap.

6.) From Trinkers:

I worked at McDonald’s part-time while I was in college. One day, I was working the drive-through, and this guy ordered a lot of drinks. One of them was low on soda syrup, but instead of just telling me about it like a rational person so I could give him a replacement drink, he threw the extra large drink at me. Of course the lid came off and I was soaking wet.

The manager, who was actually pretty good as far as fast food managers go, saw this happen. He took off running into the parking lot, flagged down the driver before he could leave, and told him to never come back. Then he came back in, found me a dry uniform shirt, and let me have a few minutes on the clock to sit in the break room and calm down.

7.) From [deleted]:

Worked at McD's as my first job at 15. Worst thing I probably saw was one of the guys working the fryer tripped and when he reached out to stop himself falling, he ended up with half of his hand in the fry oil. I think the entire store heard my "OH SH*T".

8.) From hinowisaybye:

Naked people while delivering pizza. Sounds sexy in the porno's, tends to be horrifying in real life.

9.) From loztriforce:

McD's was my first job at 16yo, and I was hired just prior to the Beanie Baby Happy Meal toys.
Lines out the door, crazy women demanding we get them a certain toy, impatient and sh*tty people. People would say degrading sh*t like mentioning I was working for min wage if they felt I wasn't working fast enough. People suck.

On a related note, my mom used to collect them: there was a line for a store that sold the Beanie Babys like it was Black Friday or some sh*t..a guy got pissed at my mom because she saw him cut in line and she wasn't having it -- other people there supported my mom in what became an argument. The guy threatened my mom, alluding to him killing her. Dude leaves and my mom returns to a car that's been keyed to sh*t..it's a smaller town but I was surprised to see the incident in the local paper.

10.) From Saintv1:

I worked at a popular Canadian coffee franchise almost ten years ago.

One day, a drive-thru customer had some sort of altercation with a pair of pedestrians who had been walking through the drive-thru. The way I understand it, the customer had almost hit the pedestrians--a man and his mother, and then had started shouting. This is what I heard over the drive-thru headset: "YOU WANNA FACE FULLA BICEP?!?! I'LL GIVE YA A FACE FULL OF BICEP!!"

I had a teenage coworker who believed in Santa. When a mall Santa came into the store, this coworker started looking out the windows for his sleigh.

I had a teenage coworker who asked me "What's a Nazi?" with total sincerity. When I explained what a Nazi was, the follow up question was "So, do we like them or not like them?"

I had a customer hurl racial insults at a coworker because the coworker did not butter his bagel in the manner he expected.

I had a customer who requested a bagel "dripping in butter," noting that she would "send it back if there's not enough butter." I buttered until the butter was soaking the paper. She sent it back, quite livid. I put a BURGER PATTY worth of butter on the bagel. She opened it again, inspected it, was clearly still not satisfied, and drove away angrily.

11.) From Scereno:

I was a carhop at Sonic drive-in through most of high school. I was the only guy that was able to use the roller skates. An extremely creepy old man in a vehicle that might as well have been in a scrap yard called me back to his car after I started to go back inside. Gave me a $15 tip because "that ass needed a second look".

12.) From mystriddlery:

I worked at Ikea in the restaurant, not the main one, but the sh*tty one at the end. I remember we sold out of pizza and the next one was six minutes. We had six people ask for pizza and we asked if they were fine with waiting, so we eventually sold out of the pizza that was still in the oven. Well it's finally ready, people are waiting, they already paid, and my coworker took it out of the oven, as another coworker was calling his name from behind him. When he turned his head to see who called the pizza slid off the peel and fell cheese side down, making a huge splat, the sauce went everywhere, it looked like this and there was just a collective "AHHH" from the people who had ordered that pizza. At first I was laughing because at least it wasnt me, but then we had to process six refunds while the line piled up :P

13.) From Jocosta:

I worked at McD’s in high school. Some guy got fired and as a farewell f*ck you he pulled the Ansul, which is the powder fire extinguisher system. The entire kitchen was instantly covered in fine blue powder. It was everywhere in everything. We had to shut the store and then everyone had to stay til like 3 in the morning to clean. That guy was a dick.

14.) From Magnese:

When I worked at Subway, this guy asked for siracha sauce on his sandwich. I put the regular amount on, then he asks for more. I put more on. He asks for more.

Eventually, he’s SCREAMING at me to put more siracha on the sandwich, to which I end up emptying out the entire bottle on it. He’s still not satisfied, so I have to get more.

One half bottle of siracha later, he says it’s enough. Still remember him to this day.

15.) From SydneyDavisJrJr:

I used to work at Sonic. On rainy days, especially when it was pouring, people would intentionally park across the lot (the spare spots that weren't covered by their famous awning), and make the car hops walk the food out there to them. We'd be standing there outside their car window with the food on a tray, waiting for them to roll down their window. They'd take their sweet time getting out their cards or cash while we were getting drenched. All the while, there were plenty of open spots under the awning, closer to the restaurant and out of the rain. By the time they took their food from us, they would demand the meal for free since it was wet. Mind you, not wet enough to give back the food, just wet enough to demand a full refund while they shoved the offending fries in their mouth. Those people also never tipped. Also- we had people who would make us go back inside and replace their 44oz drink four and five times, even when you insisted it was the right drink. "This aint diet." "Sir, I poured this drink myself, I can assure you it's diet. "I want you to go back in there and do it again, and I better not have to send this back a third time."

16.) From darkhearteddon:

We had a notice board that customers could pin their adverts on.

One week we took everyone's stuff off so that we could use it as a memorial for our coworker who had just recently passed away.

One customer came in and started going ballistic at us that we took her advert down, she didn't care that it was a memorial. My coworker ended up crying out the back for the rest of her shift.

17.) From Obscurity88:

Worked at Braum’s for a bit.

Went to hand an elderly lady her ice cream cone. She took it from me, pulled her arm into her car, took a lick, and then dropped the ice cream down her door. I genuinely felt bad for her and offered to give her another one and clean it up if she would pull around.

It’s 100+ degrees out and I’m in full uniform. I begin wiping the side of her door when she throws a plethora of insults my way.

“This is why your generation is so messed up. You saw I had braces on my wrist. You knew I had arthritis. You should never have handed me that cone. You should ask if I want a cup instead”

“You’ll probably only ever be a fast food worker. It’s people like you that make everyone’s life hard.” She said a few more things.

The heat and moment got the best of me. I threw the dirty napkins in her lap, told her to shut the f*ck up, reminded her I was doing her a favor (and it wasn’t my fault), advised her to order correctly, and told her to clean up her own goddamn mess.

I walked back inside, explained to my manager what I did, and in comes this lady playing “I’m a good, sweet Christian and would never disrespect someone” card. Manager told her to call corporate, but as he wasn’t outside, he couldn’t believe what she had to say.

18.) From TheElusiveGoose10:

Not necessarily fast food, but I used to work in a bakery where our “Head Chef” had a reputation of being a grade a dick. Our nicknames were stupid f*ck and dumb f*ck. We had to work at an insane pace and he acted as if he was God’s gift to Earth.

The one that stuck with me was when I made a customer a sandwich and she requested a side of avocado. Our avocados were not ripe at all. I mean it was like plastic! I mentioned this to her and she said it was fine. So I sliced it for her and gave it to her. She calls up like an hour later complaining that her avocado was not ripe and she was unhappy. People are stupid.

19.) From YourDailyDevil:

Does Starbucks count?

A woman demanded room (space for sugar, cream) in her latte,

then burst back in line demanding more room,

then berated me for throwing out the ones she returned for damaging the environment (because I didn't resell them, apparently)

then demanded less room.

Our manager ended up telling her she just had to leave because the line became enormous.

20.) From System__Shutdown:

Worked on a pancake stand at a concert. We had two kinds of fillings and sometimes people would ask for both at the same time. I usually just spread one on one half and the other on the other half and rolled it up so that they'd get same amount of each with each bite.

Two days in my boss sees this and absolutely flips his sh*t in front of some guy who at that point has been my regular customer. Apparently i was supposed to spread one kind on whole pancake and then just do little dabs with the other one. The customer said he liked pancakes the way i made them but from that point forward i was not allowed to make them the same way.

21.) From [deleted]:

I worked at a movie theater one semester in high school. I was scheduled as a porter, which basically means I was responsible for sweeping up the theaters between shows and throwing out trash. When I got to the back row there was a cup in the cupholder without the top on. It turned out to be filled with piss.

22.) From kaaaristy:

Worked at chick-fil-a, woman kept saying "thank you" after I said "my pleasure." We went 'round and 'round.

23.) From Nerdy_Momma4827:

I worked at my local McDonald's for 4 weeks last year. I broke my foot and sprained my ankle right before Thanksgiving. I told the store manager right after I left the ER, and she told me to come back after I saw my orthopedist. I did, but she was gone and a different manager told me to get a not from my doctor so I can come back to work because they needed people desperately. I got one, and a different manager took it from me, said she wasn't sure on what to do because she wasn't sure if I could work, and said she'd call me the next day. I haven't heard anything since, and it's been about a month and a half since I talked to anyone and no one has called me back. I'm sure that with all of the miscommunication, they just assumed I walked out and quit. I have a better job now.

24.) From fly_guy22:

I worked in a small Maccas during the sydney Olympics, I was about 15 at the time. There was a series of big screens at Circular Quay showing live Olympic events. There was always large crowds down there.

This store was around 500m or so away from my store and because of the demand we occasionally had to take things down there. Our store was closing and they were running out of buns at the busy store so they sent me down with a big trolley of buns(those pre split ones). Easy right?

I get about 20m from the store and there’s a giant crowd between me and the store. So I start asking people to move and most people are nice until one guy rips open the bag of bags and starts throwing them up in the air screaming out “Free burgers, free burgers!”

The crowd moves towards me and some police/crowd control notice this and come over and tell everyone to back off and have a few heated words with the free burger guy. They guide me through the crowd and to the store awaiting the buns.

I get grilled about arriving with one less tray of buns but once I tell them the story it’s all good.

25.) From Whovianna:

I went to hand a drink out the drive thru window and the asshats in the car threw a large blue Powerade all over me. My manager said if I went home early due to being soaked, I was fired.

26.) From WarlocksShadow:

Someone said "Give me some of those fresh baked cookies, I can smell you baking them!" when, first of all we just reheat frozen ones, and secondly, we just put one in the microwave for a guest who asked us to. When we told him this he started to yell then walked behind the counter to go check. I called my manager and he started to push her around to go check screaming "I want my fresh cookies!!" He then tried to hit on one of our team members in the back, then took off his shirt and screamed when she asked him to go away. We had to escort him out after calling the police.

27.) From EatSleepCryDie:

I had a very short stint working at the golden arches. The soda machine was literally never cleaned. On my first closing shift I went to take the nozzles off the soda machine and there was mold literally caked around the inside of each nozzle. The manager told me that the constant stream of soda kept the machine clean so it wasn't necessary to remove the nozzles. Bullshit.

I can't drink soda from McDonald's or any other fast food place anymore.

Edit: I wanna thank everybody who commented reassuring me and I'm sure a few other redditors that some places actually care about health and safety. Assumed safe places: Panera Bread, Panda Express, Steak n Shake, Jimmy John's, In N Out, Chick Fil A.

28.) From ezreading:

Money was going missing and as the newest employee I was suspect number one. My boss was a great guy and my coworkers were very loyal to him so I started getting death threats. Eventually it was confirmed to be a different worker and everyone apologized. Still sucked though.

29.) From molotok_c_518:

I worked for McDonald's in a mall while I was in high school, and the worst was Black Friday 1987.

The night before, I had slipped and fallen in my bathroom, and cut open my eyebrow. It needed an ER trip and 7 stitches, and left me looking like Frankenstein's monster.

I tried to call in, and was informed that I hadn't called early enough. They didn't have time to call someone to fill in on my scheduled shift.

And so, I showed up for work with an oozing eyebrow, a splitting headache, and on about 4 hours sleep. It was also insanely busy, so I barely got to grab lunch (20 minutes in line to order my food, cut from a 30 minute lunch break).

Basic training for the Navy was less stressful.

30.) From IAMGodAMAA:

I managed a breakfast joint for a while, beginning a few months after it originally opened.

We have a very large oven where we bake our bagels, and one day, after the bagels had been baked for the day, the baker left the door open to cool.

While I was up front, the restaurant and I could hear a deafening, "HOLY SHIT" from the back where the oven was. I walk back laughing, expecting to see a proofing rack knocked over or some other stupid mistake. Instead, I'm hit with a geyser of jet black water from the sprinkler system above the oven.

Well, shouting resumed as we tried to cover what we could while waiting for the fire department to arrive. FD arrived, and spent the next 2.5 hours looking for the shut off switch for our sprinkler.

Turns out the switch had been inadvertently covered/obstructed during the building's our store's construction.

I got to stay late that day and help clean every ounce of black, smelly water from our appliances and slicers. ~3 hours of pressurized water in the kitchen. Ahhh.

31.) From fightmesenpai:

I’ve had a customer come up to me in the middle of the mall(off shift) and tell me about how I forgot his sauce for his burritos

Our brains are amazing machines that communicate and absorb so much information on a daily basis. Even on the slow days where we sit in bed listlessly, our brain is actively regulating our breathing and the ability to piece together thoughts and sentences and basic coordination. There are so many invisible tasks our brains perform on a regular basis that it's no small wonder that we all have blips where we forget an everyday word, or a person's name.

While it can be frustrating to feel like a gust of wind has invaded your brain and cleared out the ability to remember basic language, the creative nicknames that come out of these brain farts are often comedy gold.

In a popular Reddit post, people shared the funniest made-up names they've heard people call everyday objects, and "moo beast" will now be officially implemented into my vocabulary.

1. BeastModePwn has a great nickname for protests.

My boyfriend thought it was clever when I asked what the right word was for "an angry parade".

....a protest.

2. Prolixo has alternative kitchen utensil names.

I forgot the name of a peeler and tried, "vegetable sharpener".

3. Trason8 loves themselves a freshly popped bag of boom puffs.

My little brother who was around 6 at the time really wanted popcorn, and he asked if he could have some of the "boom puffs."

4. Pepsistopheles got themselves a can of bug-murder.

At Target, I asked for "a can of bug-murder". I forgot "insecticide" or even "bug spray". The dude took it in stride, didn't flinch.

5. Shell058's mom calls Guitar Hero "Carpet Banjo."

My mom referred to Guitar Hero as "Carpet Banjo" one time. Me and my friends still call it that.

6. wtfhannahey's ex loved the Aqua Museum.

My ex and I were hanging out one day trying to figure out what we wanted to do. I suggested maybe a walk in the park, a trip to the zoo, etc. when all of a sudden his face lit up and he gleefully asked "WHAT ABOUT THE AQUA MUSEUM?!"

It took me a good few seconds to realize he meant the "aquarium".

7. SuperBrentendo64 made a gorgeously creative wedding party nickname.

Couldn't remember groomsmen, went with dudesmaids instead.

8. sharmalarm's Norwegian friend has some good ones.

Friend is Norwegian. She couldn't remember the English word for "monkey."

Apparently the direct translation of monkey in Norwegian is "ape-cat."

Edit: We were watching Harry Potter the other day. Dumbledore is "Bumbletwist."

Another favorite is "Grass Dude," or pineapple.

9. nitnitwickywicky got creative with their shapes.

I recently struggled to think of the word ‘Oval’, so instead landed on “the circle rectangle”.

10. starshock990's family adopted their brother's make-shift name for colanders.

To this day most of my family refers to a strainer/colander as a "noodle stay, water go" because my older brother called it that once when he couldn't find it and needed to ask where it was.

11. cthlpls's girlfriend needed the boot spoon!

My girlfriend was frustrated because she couldn't find her shoehorn, and then said loudly "WHERE IS THE BOOT SPOON"

12. breakingbadforlife has never enlisted in the aqua army.

I once called the Navy "the aqua army"

13. dphung had some NSFW word improvisation.

Stuck in traffic. SO called to ask how it was. I said it was ass to mouth over here. I couldn’t remember the phrase “bumper to bumper”.

14. Khoasama's Polish friend found an effective way to communicate their needs.

A polish exchange student was thirsty after a nightout and didn't know what to say. He pointed to his mouth and said Sahara.

15. Knerdian's mom was not in fact telling a story about boobs.

I once had to listen to my mother tell a 10 minute story about all the honkers she saw at the park.

Geese. She meant geese.

16. MetalHead310's mom has a very metal nickname for Guns n Roses.

Back in 90s I was 14 and begging my mom to let me go to a Guns n Roses concert..

I kept nagging until she got frustrated but couldnt remember the band name and said:

"I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO TO ANY DAMN DEATH AND FLOWERS CONCERT"

I couldnt stop laughing.

17. allibys really went for it.

I once forgot the word for "letters" and asked my coworker how many alphabet numbers a word had.

18. whatisfishbeef watched a man yell for his hand shoes.

I know a german who learned english in wales, its the most amazing cluster fuck of accents. Anyway, a dog ran off with his gloves and he chased after it shouting, 'come back with my hand shoes!'

19. goatywizard needed that good old year map.

At one point I started googling "map of the year" because my brain short-circuited and I couldn't recall the word "calendar".

20. NiteliteBunnyFrite passed the sausage tweezers.

Sausage tweezers

My husband wanted me to pass him the cooking tongs

21. HungryParr0t's friend loves moo beasts.

My friend couldn't remember the word "cow" for some reason, so she googled "moo beast" to remember.

Edit: Jesus Christ! I had no idea this would get this much attention. Thanks for the gold took random stranger!

22. BucKramer has nothing but love for Japanicans.

Didn't know what to call people from Japan as a kid so I decided on "Japanicans"

23. Cheapdime's coworker went on a journey for the word slug.

I once worked with a German guy who asked me what the English word for 'a snail without a house on his back'. Took me a while to work out he meant a slug.

German for slug translates to naked snail.

24. ZXander_makes_noise's brother once called eye sockets "eye ditches."

My dad let me watch him work on things in the garage when I was little. He thought it was hilarious that I called sparks "fire crumbs."

Edit: when my brother was little, we were watching some medical show, and he forgot the term for eye sockets. Instead, he called them "eye ditches"

25. SneakNSnore loves seeing doctors in science vests.

Called a labcoat a Science Vest.

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar."

–Drew Carey

If you really don't want to be at work today, you are not alone. Most of us would rather be on a beach somewhere sipping on a margarita and getting a pedicure. If you're not one of the 1% you will appreciate these hilarious workplace memes.

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A mom-of-two was left fuming when she picked up her son at daycare and discovered a message written on his stomach in marker: "Mom I'm out of diapers." Her post about the incident has resonated with a lot of parents, who are mostly taking her side. Most people seem to agree that the way a daycare should handle a parent forgetting to bring diapers is not to use her son as a human Post-It.

This is Heather Chisum, a single mom to two young kids, Milo and Finn. She works full time so she leaves her kids at daycare during the day.

In a now-viral Facebook post, Chisum explains that the daycare puts a daily "report" paper in her son's lunch box. Recently, the report said that her son needs more diapers. But being a busy single mom with a full-time job, she didn't have the chance to read it.

So.
I need opinions. Am I right to be furious about this? Or am I over reacting? I really need your opinions guys, because I’m about to barge in this daycare tomorrow morning and have some words.

Everyday when I pick Fin and Milo up from daycare they put a daily report paper in Milos lunch box. It says what mood he was in for the day, what times they changed his diapers, and if he needs diapers or wipes.

I’m a single mom with a full time job and two very young children. SUE ME FOR NOT READING THE REPORT EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I guess yesterday they wrote on his report that he needs diapers, and I failed to see that. Now keep in mind, I see several teachers at drop off and several at pick up, if I failed to see that he needs diapers a simple, “Hey Heather, your son needs diapers maybe you missed the report” would have done the trick. From any of the many teachers there I see daily.

Instead of speaking to her in person, they wrote a note in marker on her toddler's stomach. The note reads "Mom I’m out of diapers pls read my report" and was apparently written in permanent marker, since she can't scrub it off.

But instead, I change his diaper this afternoon AND SEE THIS WRITTEN ON MY SON WITH MARKER. You can’t even see all of it in the pic.. it says,” Mom I’m out of diapers pls read my report”. I’ve scrubbed it with several baby wipes and it’s not coming off. I had plans to take them to the beach to play, and now I can’t because my son has writing all over him.
In the very worst case scenario, I can’t see anything other than “need diapers” needing to be written. Why a big long message needed to be written across my sons stomach is beyond me.

OR WRITE IT ON HIS DIAPER
OR YA KNOW, JUST TELL ME?!?

To make things worse, she says the daycare did this once before, several months ago. She shared the story on Facebook, asking people to weigh in on whether she's "over exaggerating" by being angry.

The best part???? THIS ISNT THE FIRST TIME. They’ve done this several months ago too.

Help. Am I over exaggerating? Give it to me straight people.

She shared her story, along with a photo, on Facebook and the post went viral, getting thousands of reactions and shares.

Many people are calling the daycare's behavior "unacceptable" and pointing out that even if Chisum did need to buy more diapers, the daycare should have just told her. There was no reason to write on her child.

Hopefully this mom gets her kids pulled from this daycare and enrolled in a new one, stat. Children are not Post-It notes.

You've heard dudes say "bros before hoes," but is there a rule in the Bro Code that says "mans-portation before trans-portation"?

Redditor u/iGuessImBad's broski was mad at him when he wouldn't lend him his bromobile so he could impress a girl. The guy thought that a woman would refuse to sleep with him because he had an ugly car, when she probably wouldn't sleep with him because of his terrible personality.

It's easy to see who's the A-hole in this one.

"Bitches get stuff done."

-Tina Fey

Women are amazing. We deal with so much on a daily basis. Sometimes you just need to laugh. These memes are truly funny and relatable for all the ladies out there.

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It's a tricky question for anyone who travels: should the people in your group who fall behind get left behind?

And it's especially tricky if the person who falls behind happens to be your significant other.

One man is asking Reddit for advice after he left his disorganized girlfriend behind at the airport and went ahead on a two-week couple's trip to Asia without her. She's furious with him, but he thinks he's in the right — especially because she's notoriously disorganized and relies on her boo to do everything for her.

The back story: the boyfriend's mom was incredibly self-sufficient, so he has a bias against people who need others to do things for them.

About 20 years ago my dad left my mum to start a new family when I was 11. My mum didn't know English, had no clue how to even pay bills but somehow managed to pull everything together. She's a fucking legend, but this experience imprinted on me the need that any partner I have in future has to be self sufficient and capable of looking after themselves.

His current girlfriend seems capable in the professional sphere, but not so much when it comes to the rest of her life:

Enter my gf of 2 years - she's a uni grad with a good job, but still lives at home with her parents. As clued on as she is about her professional field I'm not exagerrating when I say she doesn't even know how to basic shit like post a fucking letter.

Whenever she's asked for help with something, what she really is asking for is for someone to take responsibility for the task.

He gives one example of her alleged helplessness:

(1) she bought her first car (an absolute shit heap, bit it is a first car) and asked me to look it over after wards. So I tried to show her some basic maintenance things she can do on her own drive; how to check the tyre pressure, the oil, headlights, explaining fuel reserves etc etc. She showed no interest, and come a couple months later the thing had clonked out....I went out to have a look and there was no oil in the fucking thing.

Then launches into the airport story:

(2) we booked a holiday for 2 weeks to tour South East Asia. I asked her if her passport had at least a year on it. She said yes. At the airport she found out it was expired after I had a look at it. I asked why she hadn't checked to renew it: her dad was the one who had sent the application in 10 years ago and she didn't know it had to be sent in to be renewed (wtf?).

So he went on the trip without her, she ignored his texts and calls for the entire two weeks, and now he wants to know if he's in the wrong:

This second one is what caused her to blow up at me, I returned from the holiday (she didn't answer any of my calls or text whilst I was abroad) and once I was back she chewed me out for abandoning her at the airport (its a 20 min train ride from our city center and the terminus is at the airport), that I should have double checked her documentation since I know about this sort of stuff. I told her, sorry, but I ain't pissing 3000 pounds up the wall because you didn't bother to check the exact thing I asked you to. It's really frustrating because I don't want to treat a partner like a child, like my dad did with my mum.

Most people agree that he didn't do anything wrong, per se — but this relationship doesn't seem destined for the long haul.

Poetinahat feels his pain:

That is incredibly frustrating, and she can't go through life like that. It isn't safe, I'm sure there are women who aren't as resourceful or resilient as your mother and end up in even worse situations because they don't have any life skills.

And antagonick says this particular brand of incompetence will get old quick:

I think there’s an unfortunate perception that some level of helplessness in women is sort of cute and endearing, and while it does certainly work on some guys up to a point you can’t lead your life like that. I mean, if she refuses to learn things like how to renew her passport it makes you wonder how much she knows about credit cards or mortgages etc. If her car had broken down somewhere isolated would she have known to phone the AA or would she have just been stuck?

Vodka_philosophy recommends he sit down for a chat with his girlfriend.

If she is an adult then she is, and should be, responsible for doing adult things. You even asked her well in advance to make sure her passport had at least a year on it. There was no reason you should have been "punished" for her failure to complete such a basic task by missing out on the trip. I would sit down with her and tell her exactly what you've said here - that you want a partner, not a child. If she is unable or unwilling to act like an adult then you are not compatible.

But oregonchick thinks it's too late:

It's not just if OP is willing to teach -- GF has to be willing to listen and to accept responsibility. It doesn't sound like she is, which tells me it may be difficult for OP to escape the caretaker role.

QSarICL agreed that the guy did nothing wrong, but pointed out that going on the trip solo might turn out to be a dealbreaker:

This isn't some kind of intrinsic personality trait that you are expecting her to change for you, it's just being an adult. Having said that, I would absolutely be a dead man walking if I tried to leave my GF at the airport to enjoy the holiday solo..

And randomfirefly taught us all a useful new word:

Here in Brazil we have a world to describe your GF - folgada (or folgado for guys) which is a mixture of lazyness plus opportunistic plus entitlement plus free-loading, which results in the people believing others should do stuff for them for whatever reason.

It's like... That person that everytime you describe one of their "episodes", it's like "the freaking nerve of this lazy bastard!".

Your gf is not dependent, she is super capable of doings whatever, she is just not interested and believes other should picking it up for her.

A perfect folgada.

Good luck, you will need.

So let's just say this relationship wasn't written in the stars.

"I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive."

-Joan Rivers

Congratulations on being alive today. Enjoy life as much as you can by laughing as much as you can. These memes will lift your spirits in a matter of minutes.

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Does anyone really want to go to a baby shower, besides the pregnant woman and maybe her mom and aunts?

It's questionable. And sometimes, not even the mom-to-be herself wants to go.

One woman is asking for advice on Reddit after she skipped her own baby shower. Is she the a-hole here, or is her mom?

The woman repeatedly asked her mom not to throw her a shower:

I have said no every single time it’s brought up.

When I found out I was pregnant I was of course happy. I always wanted to be a mother. I started researching right away. I found what I want ranging from wipes to the exact crib I want. I personally do have the money to buy the things I want, and I’m not dumb. I can ask for these things, but people will get ‘inferior’ products because they’re cheaper. I don’t want anyone to waste money on something I’ll likely throw away, regift or donate to a mother in need.

Her mom not only insisted on the shower, but disparaged the stuff the woman was going to buy herself:

I even show mom the wish list I made keeping track of items I will buy. Her comments were along the lines of ‘that’s dumb. That’s too expensive. You had blah blah and turned out fine.’

As soon as she found out I was pregnant she’s been on about a shower. I stated firmly that NO I do not want a shower. She whines that I’m robbing her of this experience. She somehow makes this whole thing about her.

Her mom keeps insisting on a shower:

I don’t want gifts i won’t use. I don’t want lame baby games. I don’t want people constantly trying to touch me. I don’t want to be hounded for a name or if I know the gender. I don’t want to have to entertain people when I’m still suffering morning sickness (the name is misleading. You can go all damn day and night). I must have said no 100+ times and in five languages and she just didn’t care.

Her mom threw her a shower — and she ditched as soon as she could:

So the day of, I sneak out the back early and meet up with two of my best friends (who were invited to the party and understood) and we went for an awesome lunch together. I left my phone off in my bag all afternoon. When I finally get home, my mom starts screaming how disrespectful I am, how embarrassed she was and this and that. I tell her I didn’t want a party and I told her over and over again I didn’t want a shower. She demands an apology and that I reach out to all the guests (she invited like every female we know) to apologize. I won’t.

She doesn't want to apologize and her mom isn't speaking to her:

She’s still being grumpy and won’t talk to me a few days later. Suits me just fine.

The worst part? Remember how I shared my wish list with her so she can see what I wanted? I of course checked the gifts left behind by those generous enough to do so. I would get rid of probably 90 percent of this stuff. Already called and thanked people and asked them to return. No one seems upset.

So who's in the wrong here?

So, am I the a-hole for ditching my own shower? Because I certainly don’t feel like it. People have told me I should have gone for my mom because it’s her first grandchild and she spent a lot of money on it. Okay, well it’s MY child and I told her I don’t want a shower and she ignored me and did it anyway.

BTW boyfriend of eight years has been entirely on my side and did tell my mom that I said no, I don’t want it. He definitely was there for me so I don’t want to see comments about ‘where was he.’ He tried, I tried, my best friend tried. Mom just did her thing anyway. She’s usually so awesome but this one time she kinda just sucked in my opinion.

Opinions are split on this one.

LyndaCarter_ says she did the right thing, and that the mom will probably keep acting like this:

NTA and it’s good to draw a really firm line with your mom now because she’s likely to overstep boundaries even more once there’s a baby around.

WastelandMama concurs:

Baby rabies is a real thing and I'm sorry to say it sounds like your mom has already caught it.

Hold the line. Watch for her turning your pregnancy/baby into her "do-over" experience. Be prepared to eventually have to say the words "my child is not your emotional support animal".

I mean, I really hope this is just a small anomaly & she'll snap out of it but from everything I've seen, most of those afflicted with the disease never truly recover.

Good luck.

Ohhhokthen agreed, too:

Something hits hard with first time gradmothering - she will definitely ignore your hard won routines, rules and instructions in way that will be so frustrating to you and confusing for the baby - naps disterbed because she wants the baby awake for her visit, giving it x when you're trying to train it for y. But she will think she knows better than you because she's done it before.

You need the clear it's our way or your access to baby is revocable. This is not her second chance do over, being around the baby is not a right, it's a privalage she needs to earn and respect.

Having a firm line here is awesome, I'm so proud of how you handled it and how you're not bowing down in the aftermath.

But MoeFoe1 thinks the woman was rude to her guests:

She’s usually so awesome .... and you bailed on her after she threw you a party for your child. Yeah you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, you’re an adult. But you’re are still an a-hole for it.. That is so disrespectful to do to your mother. Especially if you two have a good relationship. You should have sucked it up and donated the crap afterwards then. YTA. So much. you should not ask her for help after the baby is born now. Would really show how entitled you are.

And chilloutscout agreed:

I would feel like total garbage if I went to someone’s baby shower and they called me later to tell me to return the gift I got them because it wasn’t the expensive version of what they wanted.

Your mom is definitely TA for not listening to you or respecting what you wanted but the way you treated what sounds like almost every woman you know is pretty mean.

Endlesstrains agreed:

Even leaving the gift aspect aside, I'd be pretty pissed at both OP and her mom for this incident and would seriously consider ending the friendship. I completely understand why OP wouldn't want this shower forced upon her, but it sounds like most of the women she knew showed gave up a Sunday afternoon (or whenever) for this event and then had to suffer through an assuredly awkward experience when OP didn't show up. Why didn't OP reach out to them once her mother sent the invites and explain that the shower wasn't "real"? Why did she let them all attend? If I was a guest I'd feel like a pawn in this game of chicken that has nothing to do with me. E[veryone sucks here].

Both sides make good points... maybe we should just ban baby showers?

Bullying is obviously wrong, but sometimes a good insult between friends is hilarious...

A quick, witty retort when someone is being an idiot can instantly become an on-the-books inside joke in a group of friends for years. You'll probably forget a tame night at the movies, but you'll always remember that time your best friend called her ex a gluten free wet noodle in a mayo blanket.

The more specific the insult, the better it is. A good jab can sting, but a funny one can humble and quiet your ego until you're laughing at yourself. Remember to be respectful and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all unless of course, it's hilarious.

When a recent Reddit user asked, "What is the best insult someone has said to you?" people were ready to share tales from the roast battlefield.

1. Wow, "Chonesidemo."

I was once told I was more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel

2. Ouch, "alfcentauri."

It was not said but it stuck in my mind.

I used to be a teacher for middle school students, and there was one boy who would throw tantrums and cause chaos every single class. Whenever he was in the class, it was meant to be ruined because he would not only annoy me but every other person in the room.

Right before the holidays, on our last class together, he was extremely quiet and looking tirelessly at his phone. Not playing, not listening to something in it, just looking.

I didn't allow phones in class but I thought that if that kept him quiet, I wouldn't dare to disturb that peace by making him put it away.

We finally had a peaceful discussion about our subject and that might have been the most productive day I have had with that class.

In the end, students had to write a short quiz, so I was circling around the room to make sure no one was cheating. The said student is completely ignoring the fact we're having a quiz and keeps staring at his phone. And so I approach him to check what he was looking at.

Turns out, he set a timer until the end of my class and entertained himself by counting seconds until he can never see my face again.

I was very amused and deeply insulted at the same time.

3. Damn, "purpen2665."

"You have less folds on your brain than the towels in my drawer." -Random guy on Xbox Live

4. Amazing, "iplaydokkhan69."

I had puffy hair at the time and was wearing all black.my friend told me that I looked like emo Ronald McDonald.

5. What an image, "ijerkofftoomuch69."

I was complaining about the shirt my mom bought me for homecoming in 8th grade. I understand now that times were tight and I should've just been appreciative. She called me a fat slug that looked like a wet sock and I still remember it now at 27.

6. Yikes, "VyrPlan."

My dad used to tell me: You're not useless, son - you can always be used as a terrible example.

7. Saving this one, "just_some_arsehole."

"The nice thing about you being both a huge dick and a colossal c*nt is how easy it will be for you to go f*ck yourself "

8. Perfect, "greeneyeded."

My friend and I did odd yardwork jobs around our neighborhood to earn money- one day we were pushing a large trash can a block from my house to another to clean up yard waste. This girl that was probably in high school at the time (I was in middle school I think) was sitting on her porch and said: “you guys moving?” Still funny to me 25 years later.

9. Fantastic, "sarcasticamw."

I got called a six piece McNobody once

10. Yes Richard, "TestAnxietyIsReal."

Not necessarily an insult, but one of my buddies likes to give people a hard time and our waiter in the restaurant in Nashville was named Richard. My friend asked him "is it okay if I call you Dick?" to which the waiter immediately replied, "you can call me whatever's on your mind, bud." We all thought it was hilarious.

11. A+, "Crazyashton."

I have long hair and am a dude, of course there is all the unoriginal "girl haha" or "hippie/stoner" comments, but once in drama a kid walked up to me and said "hey Ashton how were the rapunzel tryouts?" And I fucking lost it. 10/10 original and funny

12. She deserves it, "HJJameson."

I am a dude who's only 5'2". A girl in high school once asked me if I wanted to go up on her.

13. Extra ouch, "JustAFanPassingHere."

“You have pretty eyes, pretty lips, pretty nose and nice eyebrows, they just look weird combined on your face”

14. Bless her heart, "vampiratempirajah."

Heard some southern lady make a comment about a loud young man berating his server at a restaurant I worked at.

"Well, seems he's got plenty of steam to blow his whistle, but not enough to run the train. Bless his heart."

15. WHAT, "MyDixeeNormus."

“Your dick looks like a big toe in a birds nests.”

16. So good, "Le_Quack."

"Did your conditioner soak through to your brain cus it's looking real smooth"

17. This stings, "papragu."

"Still a virgin?"
"No, go ask your sister."
"I don't have a sister you moron."
"Wait 9 months"

18. Someone was hungry, "konawolfe."

“I’m going to paint you green and spank you like the disobedient avocado that you are.”

19. Perfect, "ToBlayyyve."

Me: singing along to a song on the radio.

Co-worker: "Hey, do you know who sings this song?"

Me: "Oh yeah, it's <insert band name>"

Co-worker: "Yeah, lets keep it that way."

Who needs a spa when you have kids?

Sorry, I take that back. Kids are precisely the reason why parents deserve to go to spas, even though kids themselves offer beautification services.

Mom Catriona McNichol shared a hilarious picture of the free pedicure she got from her daughter, seeking new clients and investors for her daughter's business venture.

The hilarious pic of the glittery oil spill inspired other parents to share their kids' funniest, messiest attempts at makeup and nails.

They—wait for it—nail it.

Looks like McNicol's got competition: This dad put the man in manicure (Yes, I know it's a pedicure, but who can resist a pun?).

This adorable little boy has the foundation.

Check out this full service.

Check out this next-level nail art.

These contouring jobs would make the Kardashians jealous.

Some stylists accept multiple currencies.

Zoom in on this one.

Who needs the spa?

They do. They all need the spa.

While a lot of celebrity couples keep the honest details of their relationship under wraps, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard have opted to go the route of radical transparency, and it's refreshing to hear people in the public eye talk so candidly about all the less glamorous parts of marriage.

While the couple is always quick to deliver comebacks to tabloids spreading pernicious rumors about their "marital problems," they also keep it real about the huge role therapy plays in upholding their relationship, and the fact that love is hard work.

On a recent episode of Justin Long's podcast Life is Short, Kristen opened up about why her and Dax have chosen to be so transparent about the good, bad, and sometimes ugly realities of their relationship.

"Something happened with Dax and I early on where we decided we were never going to not be asked about our relationship. So if we were going to talk about it, let's make sure we show the good, the bad, and the ugly and how we handle it. We talk about the fact that we do fight, we do go to therapy, we dislike each other a lot sometimes."

She went on to share about a recent fight that caused them both to blackout with rage and exhaustion, and resulted in her crying, sleeping on the couch, and not talking to Dax for three days.

"I left a note and I was like, 'Hey dad! Would you mind taking the two towels in the dryer and folding them and then like one other thing."

"He goes, 'When you leave me notes, I feel really controlled.'"

"Somehow then we both blacked out and got into a fight. I don't actually remember what happened, but what transpired was a lot of volume, a lot of harsh words being thrown around, and it was an angry, angry fight about how nobody does anything for anybody else."

Kristen explained that due to the intensity of the fight, they still haven't directly addressed some of the words that were exchanged. Instead, their form of reckoning for this blow-out took the form of a new adopted dog Frankie.

"I got a dog! This is so much better than an apology," she told Long. "We never talked about that fight ever, but I will say this: Every single thing that I have needed done or thought, 'I'd want help with this,' since that fight, he has been ahead of. I couldn't complain about him if I tried right now."

While adopting a dog isn't a practical resolution for many couples going through rough patches, it's refreshing to be reminded that even the most loving and idealic seeming couples have to push through some dark days.

If you're going to be a little crazy, remember to tip your pizza delivery driver...

People order pizzas in all sorts of mental states: loud house parties, family gatherings, drunken munchies, teen slumber parties and Friday night family dinners. Most of the time, it's a pretty normal exchange between the driver and the customer and everyone goes on their merry way. Sometimes, though, people take a few liberties with their manners...

If you've ever worked in customer service, you understand how truly wild human beings can behave. Sorry, we can't have 20 pizzas delivered with "I hate you" written in green M&Ms. When a recent Reddit user asked, "Pizza guys of reddit, what’s the strangest thing you’ve seen when delivering pizzas?" scarred delivery workers everywhere were ready to share their tales from the road.

1. Even naked people love pizza, "krankykorn."

Just the other day showed up to a house to be greeted by two guys (about 25) on the roof in underwear clearly ecstatic about the pizza being delivered.

2. Prank fail, "impgrl369."

Had someone answer the door once with a snake on his shoulders. Not like a milk snake or a garter but a ball python. Probably about 6 feet long. As he closed the door I heard him say to someone that I hadn't reacted at all lol. Sounded so disappointed.

3. Amazing, "oldhouse98."

I was delivering a pizza to a high rise once on a Saturday night. Got in the elevator and there was a guy dressed like a pimp who tried to buy my pizza from me that I was about to deliver. He didn't even ask what kind or what size he just pulled out a $100 bill and said "I buy that for $100" and I politely turned him down, so he pulled out another $100 and offered me $200. I told him I could get fired. Man, that was hard to turn down. Here's where things get totally fucked up... when I get to the door of the guy I am delivering it to, he opens the door and is dressed like a pimp also, like, huge colorful jacket and he grabs the pizza and gives me a $100 bill and shuts the door (pizza was about $35, so a $65 tip).

4. Aw, "freshprinceofbeller."

I delivered a pizza to a young girl who was home alone and when she opened the door her dog immediately ran away. I handed her the pizza, got in my car, found the dog and returned it. She left me no tip so I was feeling kind of salty about it on the way back to the restaurant. A few hours later her Mother called the store asking to speak to me. She thanked me and explained they had left tip money but their daughter was so upset about the dog she forgot to give it to me. I worked at this pizza place for two more years through college and they would get two large pepperoni pizzas and request me to deliver it every week after that. They always tipped me at least $25.

5. Perfect, "EmperorPb."

There was this house where a young couple had ordered pizza. I reached quite early and probably disturbed their sex session. The drunk dude had no idea that he had put on his girl's skirt. Not strange, but very difficult not to laugh at.

6. Ha, "T-Poo."

Just simply coming up and there were 3 guys in underwear waiting for me. Handing the pizza's over and more just start coming out in underwear and these were also wearing cowboy hats and Native headdresses, some kind of Bro Halloween party or something. Got to grab my tip out of the dudes bra. It was funny as hell but when I left the building I had to process for a moment what the hell happened

7. Ok, Mark. "Xmplary."

I once delivered a pizza late at night, the person who took the call told me that the person who ordered (lets call him Mark) was an old man and may take a while to get to the door. I get to the house and all the lights are off, no car in the driveway. I ring the doorbell, no answer, I knock on the door, no answer, I call the person's phone, no answer, call again, still nothing. At this point I had waited for about 15 mins for this person and was walking back to my car to leave, when I hear the front door open, so I go back. Again, there aren't any lights on so I can only see the head of a young woman peek from behind the door, and she refuses to open it all the way, even to take the pizza. I then hear another woman behind her saying "who cares if he sees, open the door", so she opens it a little more to sign the receipt. She couldn't see so I offer to shine my phone's flashlight so she can sign the receipt. I then realize that both of these women are naked. Me being the good employee I was averted my eyes as she signed the receipt and I start walking back to my car. As I was walking away, one of the women yells to me "Have a good night, you know Mark is!" and I burst into laughter as I had totally forgot that this was the house of an elderly man.

8. Hotel life, "FutureComplaint."

I walked into a hotel room, there was a guy in a towel, a girl covered by blankets in the bed, and a handy man installing a pole.

Another time, I was met by a woman, who decided that wearing pants was optional.

9. Queen, "UberfIy."

Delivered pizza for 2 years. The strangest thing was a woman ordering right next door (2€ extra for delivery). When she opened the door she was almost naked, wearing only a bra, had huge fake breasts and lip fillers, platinum long hair. Your textbook bimbo. The order was 18€ and was already paid online. I told her it was already paid, however the lady took 20€ out of her bra and handed them over to me, winked and said "keep the change". Needless to say, it made my day.

10. Oops, "yungsda."

Delivered pizza to my friend’s house, my then gf opened the door.

11. Reunion! "Xmplary."

About a year after I graduated high school I delivered a pizza to an apartment. I open the door and its immediately obvious that these guys were smoking weed because the smoke is literally billowing out. I immediately hear "Oh shit is that [insert real name]!" and one of the guys sitting on the couch gets up. Its a guy who I knew from high school who I was friendly with but was never friends with, now with long hair and wearing hemp robes. Guy gives me a hug, and the dude who ordered hands me some cash with a fat tip. I smelled like weed the rest of the night.

12. Orgies need fuel, "Galemianah."

The first time I delivered a pizza, me and my trainer interrupted an orgy.

13. Hydration is key, "benny-420."

We had an order for something like 15 bottles of water, no food, fair enough. Get up to the flat and I can hear some hardcore drum and bass music, the door opens and im greeted by 3 people all wide eyed looking like a group of barn owls. Definitely smashing e but looked like they were having a great time.

14. Oh man, "DRAGONPUTZ."

Delivered 10 pizzas to a retirement gated community, got to the apartment and like 8 seniors are playing naked twister. at age 17, this was not a good sight. but they did tip well.

15. Bizarre, "solBLACK."

Delivered a pizza to a guy once and he invited me in to smoke. While sitting there I noticed his pet lizard just chilling under a heat lamp. Commented on how cool it looked so the guy tried giving it to me as my tip. Had to refuse as I wasn't sure what I'd do with a pet lizard for the remainder of my shift.

16. OH NO, "gurlynerdalien."

Pizza girl here. Once I delivered to a group of guys who were clearly day drinking (judging by the beer pong being played in the living room at 10am).

The dude that answered the door asked his friends behind him, "Did someone order a stripper?" Commence awkward silence, he asks how much it is and I tell him. He goes to hand me the money and I dropped one of the 20s and had to bend over to pick it up.

Uncomfortable all around.

17. Beware the demons, "EaglesPhan5-0."

A guy once tried to tell me there were demons living in his attic. He then tipped $50

There's something about dads. For some reason, when a man becomes a father he often transforms from a regular guy to a ridiculous sitcom character who will do anything to amuse his kids and annoy his wife. It's the basis of 92.2% of all sitcom plots.

These 26 stories from people that begin "one time, my dad" show the lengths dads will go to amuse and/or embarrass their families:

1.) Weirder_weird:

I am a Bengali, and as all good Bengalis, we went to see tigers in north bengal. (Spoiler alert: no tigers). After one pretty disappointing day of missing two elephant herds and seeing no wild cat, much less a tiger, we stop at a dried up river bed. We are f-ing tired, the sun is setting, the peacocks are screaming, the usual. Suddenly , we hear a growl. Monkeys are going nuts. The tell tale sign of a tiger nearby. The guide tells us to rush to our jeeps. We oblige, but just before boarding, I see my dad smirking, HARD. After an hour of waiting, we see no tigers and head home. The next morning, while everyone is freaking out over the growl, dad pulls me aside and says that it was a burp. A fucking burp. So I can proudly say that once my dad burped so hard the jungle thought it was a tiger.

2.) From Slamslam102:

One time my dad waited till my 3 siblings and I had gone to bed on Christmas Eve, then he shouted "I don't care who you are fat man, get that sled off my roof." We were all up and telling Dad not to yell at Santa.

3.) From mat1967:

My dad was a fireman and picked me up from school in a fire engine once.

4.) From [deleted]:

When I was walking out to the car to leave for college, my dad yelled "HEY" from the front door

I turn around

He takes this HUGE box of magnum sized condoms and throws them at me as hard as he can. they hit me in the nose as he yells, "CARE PACKAGE" and then ran inside laughing.

That's very flattering dad but I don't have much use for them

5.) From Arkaega:

One day, my dad answered the door in his underwear at 8am. The salesman was obviously weirded out. After he left, my mom was mortified and asked why he did that. My dad said "If these people don't want a show, they shouldn't come for the matinee."

6.) From SteveFrench12:

One time we went to Universal Studios and my dad took me on The Hulk roller coaster even though he knew it would make him sick. I was afraid of coasters at that point and he sacrificed himself because he knew I would never go on the ride without him. When we got off his face was completely colorless and his stomach was done working correctly for the rest of the day, but I loved the roller coaster.

7.) From Ponderputty:

NSFW

I didn't see my dad much, he lived ~80 miles away and was getting his life together. I tried to see him once a month for a weekend, I would bring my homework and spend a few days with him.

I'm sitting at his computer while he's watching TV in the same room, and he turns to me and asks if I want to "see something". He retrieves a cardboard box from his closet and sets it only lap, and I open it. Staring at me in the face is a 15" giant girthy purple dildo. I look up to him with a confused expression, and he laughs out with a cheshire grin: "I'm going to make a lamp out of it."

We laugh about it for the rest of the weekend, making dumb jokes, it was fun. But soon I leave for home, and I forget about the jokes and the dong.

I return a month later, and open the door to his apartment to see that all of the walls had a faint purple hue. Looking down, I see this giant glowing purple dick suction cupped to my dad's coffee table. I drop my bags slack-jawed as he steps up behind me and claps twice, and the lamp turns off.

My dad made a dick lamp, and them gave it the clap.

8.) From runnerdan:

One time, my older brother and I were helping my dad cut down some trees in the backyard and the chainsaw kind of stuck and my dad yanked it out a little too hard and hit my brother's leg. We all froze and looked at his jeans...which had 4 or so perfectly spaced holes...but no blood. He had managed to hit my brother's pants, but didn't get in far enough to hit flesh.

The next words out of his mouth were pretty obvious. "Don't tell your mother!" And we still haven't 20+ years later.

9.) From LoneWanderess:

One time, just before I graduated high school, my dad sat me down to have a serious conversation about socializing in college. It turned into him telling me a bunch of crazy party stories and suggesting that the best way to make friends is to own a blender with a 100ft extension cord, because his friends would go outside to play basketball or whatever and he'd bring his blender out with them and make margaritas.

"We met so many girls because of that blender, people like the guy with the blender."

My dad is super serious and straight-laced most of the time, it totally caught me off guard.

10.) From _curvedrone:

One time, I asked my dad to rent The Notebook for me from the good ol' Family Video up the street. He rented Nacho Libre because he could only remember it started with a N.

11.) From RekNepZ:

One time my dad literally took candy from a baby.

A two year old held up a lollypop and my dad assumed the kid was giving it to him. After taking it and walking away, he realized the toddler probably just wanted to show it to him...

12.) From ittakesonetoknowwon:

One time my dad took my brother's walkie talkie and had us and about 10 kids in the neighborhood convinced that we had picked up a signal from a plane that was crashing towards the Earth. We were running up and down the streets for an hour with our eyes on the sky listening as the "pilot" tried to reach someone for help. Dad's windows were open so we eventually caught on to the heinous laughter echoing between the houses after every mayday.

13.) From momdadimrae:

One time my dad set my mom on fire.

This was about two years ago, we were camping and were having trouble getting a fire started. My dad remembered that he had a container of flame accelerant in the trailer. I think it was lighter fluid or something. Anyways, he squirted some of it into the fire pit and we got it going. A little bit later, he decided it would be a really great idea to just use up the rest of the accelerant so he pours it on the fire. Not the wood, like before. FLAMES.

So the bottle obviously starts on fire as well, and my dad freaks out and throws it on the ground and then tries to stomp on it to put it out, which led to a stream of flames and fluid shooting out from the bottle and landing right on my mom's leg. It only burned for about 5 seconds and I kept yelling STOP DROP AND ROLL at her (which she, of course, did not do) and tried to hold my laughter in until my mother was no longer ablaze. My dad isn't in charge of starting fires anymore.

14.) From Saesama:

MI doesn't allow the good fireworks, but Indiana does, so every June my dad would drive across the border and pick up a trunk full.

One rather inebriated 4th of July, he reaches in the back, pulls out what appears to be an oversized confetti popper and aims it at the tree before pulling the trigger. It was not a party popper. It was his emergency flare. It got stuck towards the top of the tree and turned the whole neighborhood orange.

The cops in my hometown wouldn't really turn out for reports of the good fireworks unless someone lit a car on fire or something. But they will definitely turn out en masse for an emergency flare. Dad went from drunk to drill sergeant in about 2 seconds. Somehow, we managed to shove the entire stock of the good fireworks into the garage and used snow shovels to push the husks of the used ones into the parking lot across the street.

When the three police cars and the Fire/Rescue truck showed up, us kids were playing with sparklers and Dad was standing with his hands on his hips, scowling at the tree. Why yes, officer, some punks were across the street, lighting off roman candles and huge fountains, and they ran when one of their tricks got stuck in the tree. He was just about to call when they ran off, don't they know that roman candles are dangerous? They coulda hit one of the kids!

15.) From MountainDewAndSmokes:

About 5 years ago, my dad accidentally cut three of his fingers off in our garage with a saw. My niece was only like 5 months old at the time, so growing up, she's never seen my dad with all of his digits. Anyway, when she was about 2 1/2, she noticed that one of his hands was different. So, one day she asked him "Grandpoppy, what happened to your fingers?" My dad looked down at his hand all shocked and said "Someone stole them!!" Her face had the look of pure horror, and she screamed, "Who stole your fingers?" My dad looked at my mom and said, "Granmommy stole them!" My niece ran up to my mom and started beating on her legs, searching her jeans pockets to give back her grandpoppy's fingers. My dad, man.

16.) From CrystalxFrost:

One time, my dad was sitting on the couch in our living room. Mom brought out a bag of sugar and asked him to open it. He opened it like it was a bag of Doritos, and I mean, IT. WAS. EVERYWHERE. He was only wearing his shorts, so there was sugar in just about every square inch of his visible hair as well as all over our couch and carpet. Took him four showers in a row to get it all off.

17.) From Catalystic_mind:

One time my dad made me drive 3 hours from home to visit a nature preserve. He then began taking pics of the birds there. Just one problem, the birds were plastic. Turns out the flocks had stopped migrating back to the preserve so they put up plastic birds for tourists. The funniest part was how long it took him to listen to me telling him they were plastic.

18.) From Xidus933:

One time when I was 6 I got my big toenail ripped off, and my dad convinced me to put the toenail under my pillow for The Toenail Fairy.

I got a dollar.

19.) From yourock_rock:

When the new Star Wars movies came out, we were in elementary school. My dads company had booked the whole theater to see it on opening day so we got to leave school early to see it. My dad dressed up as darth Vader (full costume with helmet and light saber) and snuck into our classroom and came up behind us saying "[kids name], I am your father". At the time I don't think it was possible to be more embarrassed but now I think that was pretty hilarious of my dad to do that.

20.) From [deleted]:

Me and few of my friends used to hold a poker night each week which my dad used to play too.

He got paticularly drunk one night and was getting on his bicycle to go home. It was icy outside and we spent around 15 minutes trying to pursuade him to have a lift off one of my friends.

He refused.

10 minutes later there's a knock at the front door and he's there with blood dripping down and covering half his face.

All he said was "I fell over".

He then came in, fell over again. Washed his face and went to sleep on couch.

21.) From waitlikewhatlol7456:

One time my dad shit his jeans on the side of the road on the way to my volleyball tournament. We were running late for the tournament so he threw the pants in the woods, and had dress pants in the car. He walked around the tournament all day in a red volleyball sweatshirt and pinstripe dress pants.

22.) From Ohkay6647:

One time, when I was younger and embarrassed about my body and potential "dirty" words, my Dad made a song about penises and vaginas and sang it any opportunity he could just to embarrass me.

23.) From neregekaj:

One time my dad was riding his bike on a 3 foot tall brick wall, slipped off, hit his head on it and got knocked out behind it for an hour or so. My grandma almost called the cops to file him missing.

He also tried to see how far he could piss into a urinal. About 10 feet before he got caught by a teacher walking into the bathroom.

He also dared his best friend to throw a full milk carton at a teacher. His friend did it. That teacher was also my grandma's best friend at the time.

Him and my uncle were throwing snowballs at cars passing on the highway. They hit an undercover detective. They ran back to the house and his while my aunt didn't know they snuck back in and she had to talk to the detective.

He also stole my aunt's VW beetle and took it for a midnight joy ride. They got it stuck in a ditch and had a farmer pull it out with a tractor. She just found out last year. Nearly 40 years later.

He really likes car horns. When we were kids he held down the horn on a country road until the horn gave out and was just squeaking trying to make noise.

He recently got a new aerating trailer for his lawn mower and he was so excited about it that he did 3 of our neighbors' yards for fun.

He also got himself a Christmas present a few years back and yelled "YES THANK YOU" when he opened it. That same Christmas my mom got him a new coffee maker and he spent the entire night setting it up and making everyone coffee.

He bought a motorcycle as a mid-life crisis thing. He kept it a secret from my grandma for 3 years. A 50 year old man hiding things from his mom.

My older brother fired an arrow almost straight up in the air. It came back down right on the peak of our shed. Sticking straight up and dead center. You could tell he was trying not to laugh while scolding us.

We were having a bonfire one night and one of my brothers friends put a Mountain Dew can near the fire so it heated up slowly. When it exploded it sounded like a mortar went off. It sent embers 40 feet into the air and 25 feet around. After gaining our sense we could see our dads silhouette sprinting inside the house because he though we were getting shot at. I've never seen him move that fast. To clarify, he was already in the house.

24.) From Muthafuckaaaaa:

One time I was in another room and the phone rang. I hear my dad answer the phone when a telemarketer called, and they asked if he wants his ductwork cleaned. He said, yes, I would love to have my ducks cleaned. QUACK QUACK....QUACK QUACK... and then just hangs up on the guy.

25.) ​​​​​​​From Seanyster1:

One time my dad went to my school event in jeans, a jean shirt and a jean jacket

26.) From Afoldingchair:

One time my dad's fart smelled so bad my dog threw up.

Sleep talking is a beautiful and strange phenomenon that leaves the sleep talker disoriented and the witnesses simultaneously amused and creeped out. Having any type of exchange with a sleep talker can leave you feeling like you just took a deep dive into the weirdest parts of their brain, which can be equal parts wholesome and terrifying depending on who you're dealing with.

When people bless you with a gorgeously bizarre sleep talking session it can serve as ammunition for months, even years of jokes, and that is a true blessing from our subconscious brains.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the funniest things they've heard someone say in their sleep, and some of these are full-on conversations.

1. yungScooter30's roommate was in the zone.

I was studying abroad in Italy. My (also American) roommate rolled over and said "Yogurt, am I right?" I laughed and quietly said "Haha yeah buddy." He, in his sleep, replied "Hey, man, f*ck you." It was hilarious.

2. xspacemermaidx was given clear instructions.

"You can't poop here. Because this is my area. You need a receipt."

3. peaches13185's husband is even aware in his sleep.

My husband recently asked, "did I just have a dream about breast cancer awareness?" Unaware that he was in fact still asleep, and wondering wth he was asking me that at 3am, I replied, "I dunno. Probably." Not that funny I guess, just so random we still laugh about it.

4. thawacct2590 was propositioned for dodgeball.

"Wanna play dodgeball? I do. I wanna play dodgeball...dodgeball."

5. Gigantic_Idiot's wife lost it laughing.

Before we got married, it was the middle of the night. I sat bolt upright, practically screamed "BROTHER, HELP ME, IM GETTING MARRIED!!!!!" then slammed back down onto the bed, dead asleep. My now wife absolutely lost it laughing.

The funniest part of it all is I didn't even know it happened until she told me about it in the morning.

6. verynoice6930 knows the truth about the bean.

"This Bean is sacred."

7. openletter8's wife has a psychedelic subconscious.

My wife started giggling in her sleep. I whispered to her, "What's so funny dearie?" She answered, "My sister is riding on a frisbee... It's a fun recipe." She quickly dozed back off.

8. die94itjf's brother hates the dentist.

'STOP BRUSHING MY TEETH'

i think my brother has a chronic fear of toothbrushes.

9. swank_sinatra's mom is over it, even in her sleep.

My mom when I tried to wake her for her night job when I was like 14.

"Mhhmmm....the oven."

I'm like "The oven mom....?"

".....stupid bullsh*t oven. You're fired."

I was f*cking dying.

10. yourfavoritevegan was traumatized by their mom's sleepy narrative.

When I was about 8 years old, I woke up and felt sick. Naturally, I went to my parent’s room to wake my mom up. I tapped her and she sleep-mumbled, “be quiet, the vegetables are still sleeping”. For some reason, it freaked me the f*ck out. I went back to my room and started crying haha.

11. zomboromcom's classmate needed his dress.

A (male) classmate once confided that he apparently slept-walked into his parents' bedroom and screamed: WHERE'S MY BLUE DRESS?!

12. technicalitrees's classmate walked towards the light and hit the tunnel instead.

I remember at a sleepover, one kid shouted 'I SEE THE LIGHT!' and then sleepwalked into a wall. They were very confused as to what happened when they woke up.

13. tehvolcanic's roommate was going through it.

In college I had a roommate who would talk in his sleep occasionally. One time in the middle of the night he said "Tehvolcanic, Tehvolcanic I need to tell you something important." He sounded very earnest and I wasn't quite asleep yet so I said "Ok, what is it?" Suddenly he was shouting and yelled "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" and was silent for the rest of the night.

14. TheNoteProject accidentally called their aunt a whore.

"WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HIM, YOU WHORE!"

Context, I was a senior in high school and my uncle was staying at our house for the weekend. His new wife, of about 6 months, was with him. To be courteous we let them stay in my room and I stayed in my brothers.

I have a history of outlandish sleep walking and talking. In the middle of the night I walked into my bedroom and started screaming at my new aunt calling her a whore. My mother came out and walked me back to bed.

Lucky, she has a great sense of humor and reminds me about it every time I see her.

15. e-s-co's husband is maybe too into their skeleton.

I woke up one night to my husband laying on his back with one arm sticking straight up in the air. He was dead asleep and I asked if he was ok. His response was "I like your bones."

16. bonesxcookies's dad recited a series of numbers.

"12-35-20-40-07-21" my father said random numbers in his sleep. The gambler in me can't help, I bet those numbers on the lotto. I didn't win.

17. spacelincoln is good at soothing their distressed wife.

My wife will have full conversations. She was upset that we have a state bird but no national bird. I reminded her about the bald eagle and she smiled and slept soundly.

18. chelmander's dad is a yeller.

My dad yells a lot in his sleep and said many a funny thing over the years. The best one I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing was:

"W W W DOT COM"

And when I say my dad yells in his sleep, I mean he YELLLLLLS. It was hilarious and still laugh about it to this day. The way he enunciated the Ws was just so good.

19. kieranhill97's girlfriend gave an ominous statement.

My girlfriend turned over the other night and said "this is the end."

20. billbapapa's son was ready for a Star Wars style face off.

My son appeared in my bed in the middle of the night, no problem, he's a little kid. But he kept kicking me in his sleep. I tried to move him over and he uttered, "Face me Jedi."

I was not prepared for that, so I left and slept on the couch.

The world is full of mysteries, and now thanks to this Reddit thread, the question of whether or not cows moo in regional accents doesn't have to be one of them.

People are sharing the"little-known but obvious facts" that immediately make people feel stupid when you tell them. Memorize all twenty two of these and bring them up at your next party.

1. "You’re twice as likely to be killed by a vending machine than by a shark."

-betsinshow

2. "'Goodbye' is an abbreviation of 'God be with ye.'"

-FabCitty

3. "That meme on Facebook that says 'your porn star name is the name of your first pet and the street you grew up on' was put out so tha't hundreds of gullible teenagers would post the answers to their bank security questions."

-GroundbreakingName1

4. "The Los Angeles Angels is basically saying 'The The Angels Angels' when all in English."

-AnxietyDepressedFun

5. "When you call someone a 'pussy' you aren't referring to the female reproductional organ, but the term 'pusillanimous' which means 'Coward,' 'Someone who lacks courage' or 'Cowardly' :)"

-Mykl3

6. "The word 'helicopter' has two components. They aren't 'heli' and 'copter'. They are 'helico' and 'pter.'

'Helico' (helix) and 'pter' (wing, like with 'pterodactyl')"

-kabukistar

7. "Pirates didn't wear eye patches because they were missing an eye. They did it so one eye was accustomed to the dark so they could go below deck easier."

-OgOgOgOgOgOgOgOgOg

8. "It was never mentioned that Humpty-Dumpty was an egg."

-YummyMango124

9. "World Wide Web contains fewer syllables than its intended short form - WWW, thus making the shorter version longer to say."

-InnerTubeBoatWeirdo

10. "Tear ducts drain tears, they don't produce them."

-Katiesullivan01

11. "You can take a quart-sized Ziploc bag through TSA full of the little travel bottles of liquor as you can fit in there. It's completely legal. Now, the airline might not approve of you pouring your own drinks, but it makes layovers and hanging out in the terminal much more easy."

-Extrasherman

12. "Just like humans, British cows moo in regional accents."

-Just_Cardboard_Box

13. "Just like a dormitory is a place where you sleep, a laboratory is a place where you labor."

-vellyr

14. "When water boils it is the same temperature no matter how big the bubbles are."

-Mcreeper51

15. "Over 90% of the hands you’ve shaken have touched a penis."

-DStew713

16. "My favorite thing to tell people: Penguins swim faster than Michael Phelps. Remember that discovery special that pitted a shark against him to see who was faster? Completely stupid, because even shark FOOD swims faster than he does! (Sharks eat penguins, to clarify)."

-mushupenguin

17. "Discover. It literally means to dis-cover something."

-Cjv_13

18. "The words Laser and Scuba are actually acronyms and they stand for:

Laser- Light Amplification (by) Stimulated Emission (of) Radiation. Scuba- Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus."

-Gerd-Neek

19. "To 'fast' means to abstain from eating. you do this every night when you go to bed.

The first meal of the day is called 'breakfast' because you're breaking your fast."

-bloodectomy

20. "Polygraphs are not lie detectors, they’re anxiety detectors."

-Poeticism

21. "'Bingo' can be the name of either the dog OR the farmer!"

-InVulgarVeritas

22. "Fire doesn't have a shadow."

-MrSnowPanda

IKEA should be the happiest place on Earth. Affordable furniture, sleek design, and a maze-like layout with a hot cinnamon roll waiting at the end: it's basically Disney World for grown-ups. But, much like a trip to Disney World, a trip to IKEA can quickly spiral into a living nightmare. The sensory overstimulation, long lines, and shopping-induced adrenaline rush can lead to some pretty epic meltdowns when things don't go as planned.

Someone posted this question on Reddit: "employees of IKEA, what are some of the worst family meltdowns you have seen?" These 23 people shared their wildest, messiest stories of customers who went to IKEA and lost their minds:

1.) From jonfromtucson99:

Dude didn't have a receipt to return a used duvet and for told no. He threw a fit. Security came and he wouldn't move. Cops came and he finally did.

Bud came right back in and laid on the floor screaming, refusing to leave without his money. Bigger cop comes in, not taking any of this guy's sh*t and handcuffs him.

His screaming intensifies to a loud shriek and he's finally escorted out. This whole ordeal lasts about half hour

2.) From sleepypunk:

An older gentleman in our baths department ranting about how "cheap" the furniture is, banging on things, etc. Tried to slam a drawer but it soft closed on him. Oops, your tantrum was foiled by quality furniture.

3.) From balexig:

I work at a massive IKEA store in Australia. For a lot of people it's their first time in Ikea, so by the time they get to my section they start to panic because they aren't used to the maze-like layout. There are a lot of breakdowns. Usually small children who want to go home (seriously theres so many parent wondering around with their 5 year olds at 9pm on a school night. Go home!!)

Anyway, the most memorable breakdown I dealt with was when I was working in Home Organisation. This man marched up to me, phone in hand and family in tow.

He wants to buy a certain clothes rack but he can't find it ANYWHERE in this STUPID STORE. Alright mate, I'm happy to help you out. (although I'm not liking the attitude) he shows me a picture on his phone. A screenshot from a website with no context. I haven't seen that clothes rack before. Either it's very new, very old, or not something that we stock.

I ask if he knows the name of it.

"no that's YOUR job."

He's getting even more worked up now. But I can't search with just an image. I check our store's website and I can't find the damn clothes rack anywhere. I ask if he was sure he looked at (store location) 's website specifically (not all Ikea's stock the same stuff. Shocking I know.) immediately I can tell he feels insulted. OF COURSE HE LOOKED AT THE RIGHT WEBSITE. I activate dumb salesgirl mode and ask him to show me.

He pulls up the website, and there is the clothes rack. Quite clearly on Target.com.au. He notices and storms off wordlessly.

I got immense pleasure watching him get lost and do a couple loops through the store before finding the exit.

4.) From ikeathrowaway168151:

I worked at IKEA for 5 years selling sofas. One of my coworkers, let's call him Jim, worked evenings and weekends in returns while his day job was teaching math at a local high school.

One day a woman comes to the counter trying to return some pillows. Generally speaking, they didn't take returns on pillows for sanitary reasons. She also didn't have a receipt and the pillows were clearly used and absolutely disgusting. Jim tells the customer that he's sorry, but our return policy states we only accept products within 30 days of purchase, with the receipt, and unused in the original packaging.

This did not sit well with her and she began to scream at Jim. She was spiteful and cruel. Jim had come to the US from another country years ago and while he spoke perfect English, still had an accent. She mocked his accent and told him to speak English. She repeatedly shouted that he was stupid and would never amount to anything. He was too dumb to get a real job, etc.

Meanwhile, her teenage son is in the background. He's pleading with his mother to stop shouting at Jim. He's begging her to give it up so they can go home. Eventually she turns around to shout at her son and ask him why he cares so much. "That's my calculus teacher..." There had already been a parent-teacher night scheduled for a few weeks later, his father went alone.

5.) From shizzlingmanizzling:

I used to work in IKEA in my student days, the Glasgow, Scotland store.

When it was newly opened an elderly Irish guy and his wife stopped me and asked where IKEA was, I explained that they were in IKEA and they couldn’t understand. They had arrived at the ferry port in Ireland that morning and decided that they’d go on a day trip to somewhere they hadn’t been before. When they arrived at the port in Scotland there was a dedicated ‘IKEA’ bus. They thought IKEA was an actual place in Scotland and didn’t realise it was a shop.

I walked away trying not to piss myself laughing as I could hear them blaming each other for the mistake!

6.) From Leningrad_optical:

I did a stint doing early-morning (5am start) replenishment at IKEA one summer.

I was stocking a bin in the warehouse at opening time, so I had a view of the duy going over to open the gate at the front of the store to release the hordes right at 9:00. The time comes he flips the switch, the gate starts rising and as soon as it's high enough this woman ducks under it and begins all but running across the store. That's when I realize her kids, who looked like they were about 3-5 frantically chasing her flat out just to try and keep up. Made me kind of sad.

7.) From MindenMachine:

Two words. Black Friday. It was 9:55, we open at 10. We were almost done, all that we had left to do was put out some children's kitchen set. What we didn't realize was that it was 50% off. I only had two pallets left to put out when the store opens and the horde came.

They were crazy. Sprinting, pushing and shoving. They fought to get to these kitchens and when they noticed my pallets, they tore them open and took it. Eventually one woman started screaming and attacked the guy who took the last one off of the pallet, not noticing the the two full pallets. I had to pull her off him and security came. After about 10 minutes the chaos ended, and I cleaned up.

At the point an elderly couple came and asked if there were any kitchens left and I put one in their cart as my coworkers laughed at what had just occurred.

8.) From TVjoker:

Ikea employee here.
Was organizing some products as I noticed an elderly couple (approximately 60s) walking past me. The man stops and comments on a rug, saying it’s nice. The wife replies “That won’t fit in our home.”
The guy immediately growls back: “oh come on we both know what this is about. You think I’m stupid! I’ll show you stupid.”
He then grabs the rug and angrily stomps off. The lady just kept walking as if nothing had happened.

9.) From kinc2044:

I work in the bistro area and I once had a customer scream and threaten a coworker when he was told he couldn't get a cup for water. We only have one cup in the bistro, it cost one dollar and is counted as inventory so we can't give them out for free. When my coworker told the guy this he flipped out said IKEA is pure sh*t and we are operating illegally by not providing him water (we aren't there's a water fountain to the right). He begins to call my coworker a piece of sh*t approaches me and ask for a cup I tell him the same thing which only angers him further. Once I point out the water fountain nearby he says he won't use it because he isn't a 'peasant' and says he'll come back to deal with me and my coworker for trying to profit off his dehydration. Needless to say I never saw him again and my coworker and I shared a good laugh.

10.) From ansteve1:

Former Uber driver here. I had a pickup request at an Ikea. For the record this was after you could specifically request SUVs was rolled out. So I pulled up to the pickup area in my Prius and this there was 2 people, mother and daughter, waiting for me. When I park I see they have an entire bedroom set. I ask them if they have a second car coming and she was like no I need you to load it up in your car. So I start folding my seats and she said "No! My mother needs to come too!" I told her "I can't do that I don't have room for everything." That was when she threatened to email Uber over refusing to help her.

Like bitch I can take your mom or your furniture not both. request an SUV or pay Ikea $50 to deliver it for you. Quit being cheap. It's not my fault you went to Ikea without a car or a game plan for getting it back.

11.) From Adamant_Scimitar:

I work in Ikea food. I had one guy claim that he was a "big guy" and wanted me to put extra food on his plate after I made the plate. I explained that I can't as we have to stick to a portion size and that he could add a side plate for 1.99. He then yelled that we are all cheapskates, stormed off to his family, brought all the plates of food that we made for them and told us that he is going to bring his family somewhere good.

12.) From TA704:

I was helping one customer and it was a super busy weekend, so I'm sure all the employees were pretty busy. As I was helping her, another woman came up and interrupted us. They started arguing and one of them called the other woman a cow.

13.) From kiki112:

I'm a cashier!

There was a bratty teenager and her mom about to pay for their over $1000 transaction and the mom suddenly said "You know what? This girl here doesn't deserve any of this. Put it all back." I've never seen a teenager completely lose it until that shift. I feel bad for my co worker who had to do my go backs.

14.) From maskillzizillz:

A guy came in and wanted something that we only had “in the air” so it would require a forklift to get the product down, which we don’t do with people in the store for fairly obvious safety reasons. I told him we could get it down right after the store closed for him but that was not an acceptable answer. He proceeded to lose his sh*t on me demanding I bring out a forklift and take it down now. As this is happening, his wife and two small children walk up. I say, “well sir, just imagine that your children are in the aisle when the forklift comes out and an accident occurs, your children could be crushed by a falling pallet, the arms of the lift, or any other number of possibly fatal incidents.” His response, “I don’t give a sh*t about that, I just want you to get my f*cking table.” I didn’t have to continue the conversation. His wife took care of it.

15.) From [deleted]:

I saw a mother let her child take a sh*t in the display toilet in one of the display washrooms.

16.) From zombie_physician:

I was working in the kitchen accessories department and this middle aged guy asked me where the cheap white plates are. So these are the lowest price plates that come in one color and are sold straight off the pallet. But they changed the color from white to light beige a month ago.

I explain this and this guy starts raising his voice at me, telling me he owns a restaurant and that I go back there and bring him more white plates. At this point I know I'm not dealing with a rational person here, but I go to the computer and check if there isn't in fact a pallet of the stuff just so he sees I've tried helping him. Even shown him the big fat zero on the screen. He gets red in the face and starts telling me how I'm personally responsible for the gas he spent driving here on his Audi A8. Asked me if I know how much gas an Audi A8 burns. He's yelling now, the whole floor is looking our way and I'm doing my best to not laugh but I realized I'm already smiling and that pissed him off even more. The convo went something like this:

"You're gonna pay for the gas I spent driving here."

"I doubt that sir."

"LISTEN HERE KID! I'M GONNA DRIVE BACK HOME, LOAD UP ALL THE F*CKING WHITE PLATES INTO MY CAR AND DUMP THEM ALL IN FRONT OF YOUR F*CKING STORE AND YOU'RE GONNA PAY ME EVERY LAST CENT FOR THE DAMAGES"

"That's a good idea."

I wasn't even trying to be rude I just really wanted this guy to do this, but then he asked for my manager, yelled at him basically repeating everything including his Audi A8 gas mileage, everything. He ended up buying the light beige plates.

The second one was when I was on my third day working at IKEA, still wearing the "im new here" badge and this lady asks me where do we keep the plates for slugs Escargot plates. It was my third day but I already knew we don't carry that and said I don't even think I saw one before in my life. She goes "If I was your boss I'd fire you on the spot!" and stomps away.

What did I do lady?

17.) From YohannaLPDJ:

I work in customer service in a UK store. We get so many meltdowns...it's really hard to choose. I've had so many things thrown at me I've lost count. My best one might be the gentleman who demanded to speak to Ingvar Kamprad about his waiting time at the collection point. When I stupidly offered the department manager he said he'd settle for someone Swedish. Unfortunately we couldn't help him. He took his things and left screaming that he'd write to sweden. I've not heard anything back yet. :/

18.) From xTugboatWilliex:

I was working as the greeter one day as family of three walked in. As they’re walking through the door the family (what I assumed was mother father and daughter ) was mid conversation. I hear the daughter say “what are they going to do, kick me out?”. So now I’m instantly curious. I give her a quick check and realize she has a chihuahua in her purse. I stroll up to them and say “ Welcome to ikea but I’m sorry the dog cannot come inside” then we go through the whole, why not, because, why not, because we serve food scenario. The daughter then starts losing her shit. “It’s ninety degrees outside and I don’t have water.” So I tell her she can wait outside while someone goes into the marketplace and buys a dog bowl and water and brings it out to her. She literally starts screaming. Not yelling, I think yelling requires words, this is just a scream. This lady is in her twenties easily. It is at this point the father loses his shit and just starts yelling at her. “ I told you to leave the f*cking dog home. I don’t know why you have to bring it everywhere you f*cking go. It will be fine alone at the house for a couple of hours. Now I have to deal with this sh*t.” So the daughter went outside and the father went to the marketplace while I sat uncomfortably with the mother in the entrance for a good half hour until her husband came back.

19.) From CatnipChapstick:

Just last night, a literal minute before closing, I had a woman come upstairs looking for a nightstand. After wandering away from me guiding her, it took her children and I shouting at her to try and get her attention back before she made her way to nightstands.

I start showing her her options, and her 10-12 year old children start dive-bombing EVERY SINGLE FRESHLY MADE BED. I ask them to stop with varying degrees of politeness and when that doesn’t work, ask her to please stop them. Instead she just offers an apology and gets back to nightstands. So she’s looking for the biggest possible one, and that’s the HORNSUND, a $129 monstrosity that looks like something you’d drag out of a baby boomer’s house after their untimely demise.

She’s giving me a lot of haggard sighs, looking around desperately, and criticizing the features of the nightstand at hand. I’ve given up the idea of containing her kids so I have to take the full brunt of her passive aggressive dissapontement. She keeps giving me this face, like I’m suppose to pull back a book on the BILLY revealing a secret department of all the GOOD furniture. “You know,” she offers, “I’d buy this in a heartbeat if it came in gray.” What am I suppose to do with that? Pat her on her wittew head and teww her i’w make it gway fow hew??? Instead I just her that was a real shame. After a few more questions, (including the size of a ‘normal’ nightstand) she gives up and agrees to leave.

While walking her and the hellions out, she asks where’s a fun place to stay. Upon asking for clarification, she makes it clear that it’s spring break for her kids, they’re from the next state over, and she hasn’t found a place for them to stay by 9 PM because every nice hotel is Charging too much (because everyone else is on spring break too). Now she’s refusing to get on the elevator going down until I make a decent recommendation, so I’m furiously googling hotels, so this mad woman will leave. Eventually we find a place nearby with a water slide, and that was enough for her to leave, but I was 113% done with everyone in the family.

20.) From Mini_groot:

I've been working at IKEA for the past 2 years. It made me lose hope for humanity. I have so many things.

I've had someone try to return an entire used kitchen that was for his mom's house and the mother passed away. Guy was f*cking screaming at my manager.

Had a couple get into an argument about the size of the furniture and whether it fit into their car, by the end it escalated to who has the louder voice.

21.) From Columbusy:

Seen a dude in the car park of the Newcastle IKEA Cram a f*ck load of furniture into his Ford Focus, wife stood next to him f*cking SCREAMING at how much of an idiot he is for buying so much, how they aren't going to fit in the car now, and how he is putting all this furniture together alone because it's his "f*cking stupid shit we don't need"

Husband replies, "no you won't fit in the car now" and drives off

22.) From Amahula:

I once say a young couple argue. The girl needed a new matress, but the guy didn't want to carry it or get a cart for her.

They left without the matress.

I love my job.

23.) From EthanS1:

My friend used to work at the Ikea across the street from the Mall of America. Some background, the MoA has an amusement park in the center, it's currently called Nickelodeon Universe, but for the first 15 years or so it was called Camp Snoopy. In 2006 the MoA lost the Snoopy franchise and re-branded to the generic "The Park at MoA" before they acquired the Nickelodeon sponsorship.

A few days after they change from Camp Snoopy happened my friend was working at the daycare at the Ikea. She heard a child ask their mother, "What happened to Snoopy?"

The mother responded without missing a beat, "Snoopy died."

Cue the child bawling her eyes out inconsolably, to the point where they wouldn't let the mother leave the child at the daycare.

The choice to have kids or go child-free is completely personal, and shouldn't dictate how you choose your friends or treat people. People have wildly different values and visions for their lives, not to mention varying health issues and relationship trajectories, so it's truly a false equivalence to compare two people's life choices.

That being said, there are still plenty of people who center their identity around having kids and obsessively pressure others to join the ranks of parenthood. Likewise, there are some child-free people so deeply opposed to having kids that they become antagonistic and smug.

In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a dad asked if he was wrong for snapping at his sister-in-law who constantly brags about her child-free lifestyle.

AITA for finally poking back at my child free sister-in-law?

OP shared that his sister-in-law Abby is child-free and constantly calls children "crotch fruit" and rags on how stupid it is to have them.

My wife's sister Abby is "child-free." Neither my wife nor I could care less about whether Abby decides to have children, but over the years we have tolerated quite a bit of performative child-hating from her. Calling children "crotch fruit," talking about how dumb people are for becoming parents, and so on.

Now that OP and his wife have a kid of their own, Abby has toned down the name-calling of children, and pivoted her antagonism to bragging comments about how much freer her life is than theirs.

We had our first child last year and as a result she's been less outright rude about children but more bragging about how our lives are harder now and hers is free of responsibility. Stuff like "I think I might go to Europe this summer. I'll tell you about my trip for when you're able to go there in twenty years." Or talking about a concert she's going to go to, to which she says she'd thought about inviting her sister, "but it starts at 9 o'clock and I'm sure you'll be in bed by then." You get the idea.

Over time, OP has noticed that Abby talks a big game but rarely follows through on the big child-free plans she brags about.

There have been lots of comments like this, but I've noticed that while Abby talks a big game, she never does seem to do any of the stuff she talks about. She doesn't actually travel. She doesn't ever seem to actually go to any of these concerts or shows or anything - whenever I ask her about them, she always tells some vague story about how she decided to skip it just this one time. It seems to me like she likes the idea of having freedom more than she likes exercising that freedom.

Last weekend OP reached a breaking point after yet another snarky comment about his kids, and decided to point out the fact that Abby is a hypocrite about living a "free" lifestyle.

She was over last weekend and had said something snarky about my kid so I was already kind of annoyed before she started talking at length about some TV show she'd been watching. And I just couldn't help myself and said something to the effect of "for a person with such a fun child-free lifestyle you sure do have a lot of Netflix recommendations."

Anyway: she's really mad at me now. AITA?

aBastardNoLonger thinks OP was totally within his rights to call out Abby, and pointed out that truly happy child-free people don't need to brag.

NTA. I fully respect it when people choose not to have kids. In fact, I think there are a lot of people who shouldn't have kids. That being said though, IMO the people who constantly shit on people who do decide to have kids are every single bit as unbearably obnoxious as the people who preach that everyone needs to become a parent.

The people who referr to kids as "crotch goblins," and constantly point out how miserable all parents must be seem, from my experience, like aggressively unhappy people who seem to think that sh*tting on what makes other people happy will somehow make them feel better.

The people who choose not to have kids because they're actually doing awesome things with their lives usually don't give a rat's a*s if someone else has kids or not.

alek_hiddel thinks Abby shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it.

NTA. Your comment wasn't even that bad, just mildly snarky. If she can give a bit of sh*t, she can certainly take a bit of sh*t.

regentzonnestralen pointed out the fact that plenty of parents still go on adventures.

NTA. Also I work in an outdoor sports shop and we have loads of people coming in asking for baby back carriers and 2-3 person tents so they can go hiking and camping with the baby. Having kids doesn't mean not being able to have fun anymore. You should take a vacation and take your kids to Europe this summer just to stick it to her :-).

bionicfeetgrl doesn't want children but also doesn't understand Abby's need to moralize that choice.

NTA. As a child free person, she had it coming. Don’t have kids. Prob won’t have kids. Love kids. Hate it when child free ppl refer to them as “spawn” etc. you’re not better cuz you’re child free. You are living your choice. Ppl with kids are living theirs.

akjax thinks OP and Abby need to sit down and have a conversation like adults.

ESH. She's being awful but instead of confronting her directly like an adult you just stooped to her level.

If you don't like how she's acting just talk to her about it.

Unless you have and just neglected to mention, if so, NTA.

thatonepersoniam gave OP some suggestions for talking to Abby.

NTA - Have kids or don't, but crapping all over people's life choices is petty and immature. Calling children "crotch goblins" is just being a jackass. Next time be more direct.

"SIL, it's fine that you don't want kids. We want you to be happy in your life. But stop being insulting and obnoxious about our life. We love our life and child and don't need your negativity."

After receiving a lot of constructive feedback, OP followed up and shared that he ended up confronting Abby and their conversation helped clear the air on both ends.

EDIT: OK, despite the top comment, there were enough ESH judgments in here that I went ahead and called her to apologize for being a dick. She accepted it and admitted that she'd been pretty rude to us herself. I have a lot more sympathy for her after this conversation - I don't think I understood quite how aggressively my mother-in-law pushed on both her daughters to provide grandchildren, and it seems likely that Abby has lashed out at us as a poor substitute for the things she wants to say to her mom. Anyway, thanks for the help!

If you feel like January has lasted an entire year, you're not alone. These memes hilariously nail the feeling of the never-ending month of January. Ugh.

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