Public restrooms: we all need them, and yet, we all fear them. Entering a public restroom is a gamble. You never know what kind of sh*tshow—literally, or figuratively—you might find inside.
Someone asked Reddit: "What is the weirdest thing you've heard or had happen to you while using a public restroom?" These 27 stories are about as bizarre, wild, and disgusting as you can imagine.
Do not read while eating.
1.) From LiccFlair:
I had the pleasure of hearing some poor soul trying to pass a kidney stone in a movie theater restroom. His screams would have scared the shit out of me if that wasn't why I was in there in the first place.
2.) From YourMateBatchy:
I was at a Festival in NSW a few years ago and saw the wildest thing at one of the portable portable troughs (that counts as a public restroom, right?).
It was right at the end of the night, just after the last band had played, so my mate and I went for a piss. As we did, some poor souls hat had fallen into the trough (probably a few hours prior to us being there, it was drenched in piss), so we thought hey, a target, and started aiming at it.
As we do, we hear some bloke, very happily yelling, making friends, saying gday to everyone as he made his way over to the trough. Clearly very very high (MDMA I’m guessing), we walks in, stands between me and my mate, let’s out a “Gday boys how are we?!” And throws his arms over our shoulders. Bit weird cause we had our dicks out, but ultimately a bit of harmless, spontaneous mateship.
Until he notices the hat we were still in the process of pissing on. He glances at it for just a second, then yells, “F*ck yeah, free hat!” Before slapping through my piss trail, grabbing it, and slapping it on his head with the most unforgettable squelch I have ever heard. He looks at me, stares me dead in the eye while beads of literal piss begin to roll down his forehead, and lets out what can only be described as spongebob’s laugh if he had been of a four day bender.
Then just walked off into the crowd. My mate and I stood laughing in shock for a few minutes before we could process what the f*ck we just saw.
Funniest part was that he didn’t even piss, think he was just too cooked and distracted by his new found piece of attire.
God bless you, piss hat man, wherever you may be.
3.) From Squealio:
At a heavy metal concert (Fear Factory/Ministry/Meshuggah fwiw) and I’m in the stall poopin. Concert hasn’t started yet. I hear this convo out by the urinals:
“Oh uhh. Sorry man “
“‘salright. It’s a nice cock isn’t it?”
“Uhhh sure..”
4.) From jlcd11147:
Overheard someone on the phone getting the results of their STD test. Which was positive.
5.) From trbofly:
Worked for a really Large company and decided to use the restroom near the boardroom (more private). When I walked in, one of our board members is at a urinal wearing a suit and jacket, with his pants and undies dropped all the way to the ground. Apparently that is how this 70 year old man has peed his entire life. Just odd
6.) From LopsidedTrip:
This girl was moaning in the stall next to me and I assumed she was masturbating so I walked by without looking. She called out "help!" It turns out she was moaning in pain and she was having a medical emergency. I called an ambulance.
7.) From kingpiss:
I was at a goth club and I was nauseous because I drank too many gin and tonics, so I went to the bathroom to take a shit. My stomach hurt so I was rubbing my belly like a cartoon character as I waited for a stall to open. A gay Asian guy in bondage gear (not odd for the location) walked up to me and said "Oh honey, stomach ulcers?" and gave me a hug and patted my back. I didn't have a stomach ulcer but I was very compelled to hug back because I appreciated the sympathy. He then walked off without saying anything else. Seemed like a good guy.
8.) From DarthContinent:
My under-18 self stopped at a public park restroom to take a piss.
A guy perhaps in his mid 60s sidled up to me, smiled, and looked my junk up and down in the urinal.
I left.
9.) From Trevor-On-Reddit:
I was in the bathroom of a movie theatre peeing in a urinal when I felt something tug on my shirt. I turned around and there was this little kid (had to be younger than 5). He asked if I could hold him up so he can pee in the urinal next. We are the only ones in this bathroom and I’m peeing hard because I just got out of a movie. I had such a Dad moment though because I said “Ask your mom.” He said ok and skipped out of the bathroom. I didn’t even wash my hands, I just wanted to be out of there before a dateline camera crew showed up.
10.) From fizoxyboxing:
Someone thanking jesus out loud after every splash.
11.) From Cherrynotastripper:
Someone was taking a shit and eating and talking on the phone. I was disgusted and impressed with the multi tasking.
12.) From 4565215576933:
Meth head in a Toronto Second Cup bathroom warned me that dolphins are not to be trusted and told me about how they're mind controlling humans while i peed.
13.) From TehChubz:
Not necessarily a public restroom. I worked at a financial company with over 2000 people in one office. There are around 10 different bathrooms in the building, all with multiple stalls/urinals. Anyway...
I was on my break and ran to the bathroom to relieve myself. I saw someone in one of the stalls because feet and doors were closed. As I walk up to the urinal, I hear the guy sneeze. I say "Bless you" like people do for some reason. Guy in the stall hits me back with. "That wasn't a sneeze."
I just left and went to a different bathroom
14.) From Brett707:
Not me but it happened to my son. He was about 4 maybe 5 at the time. We were on vacation in San Francisco CA. We were on fisherman's wharf and my son and I went in to use the restroom. It was cool and rainy day and the tile floors were wet. We go in a stall so he could pee as all the urinals were taller than him. So he drops trou and hikes up his shirt and jacket and saddles up to the toilet and he starts peeing. Well he is on his tippy toes and all of a sudden he is head first in the toilet. He slipped and nose dived into the toilet.
He was soaked head to waist. I get him out of the toilet. I'm struggling so hard trying not to laugh. I get him out and strip his shirt and jacket off of him and just put them in the trash and wash and dry him off. Take my jacket and put it on him. He's crying and I'm dying from laughter inside.
We get out of the bathroom and head to the nearest store and get him a new shirt and jacket. Then find my wife and daughter. Who both proceeded to ask why he was in all new clothes. Them once I tell them they start laughing.
He still hates when I bring up the time he fell into the toilet at fisherman's wharf.
15.) From hold_my_lacroix:
Was pissing at a urinal and the guy next to me said "Don't judge me, I'm a grower not a shower!" I mostly ignored him, then he asked me if I wanted to buy some weed from him. But before I could answer (which would have been no) he said "well it isn't real weed, it's fake weed, doesn't actually get you high. It's what I smoke when I'm practicing guitar."
Keep it weird Austin.
16.) From smartas:
My first time going to the Sturgis motorcycle rally.
Was told to meet my new friend Dave and his friend “Uncle Dick” at the TA in Rogers, MN. I ride my bike there and go inside to piss. There’s an old man inside already taking a leak, I say, “You must be Uncle Dick?”
He SWITCHES HANDS, TURNS HALF WAY AROUND, AND REACHES OUT TO SHAKE MY HAND.
“I’ll just wait until you’re done!”
My best trip to the rally yet.
17.) From Skabma:
Once upon a time I was in Europe and accidentally locked myself inside of a stall that had a toilet I couldn't figure out how to flush, and then a door I couldn't figure out how to open.
I had to climb over the stalls because the gap wasn't big enough below.
So I'm making my great escape and some dude walks up to the stall and I make a small noise he looks up and I just hope he has forgotten it by now.
18.) From uieLouAy:
Was using the urinal in the Port Authority men’s room when some random guy walks up behind me and says, in a raspy voice, “Hey kid... I like your hair!” Still peeing, I turn around and say thanks, and he says, “You like pineapple?” Caught off guard I ask, “What? Pineapple?” At this point I’m zipping my pants back up and starting to turn around to face him. He then points to underneath the wall of the first bathroom stall to a black plastic bag, like one from the liquor store, and says, “Yeah! You wanna buy one? I got one right there — it’s delicious!” Sure enough, there’s a black plastic bag with a pineapple sticking out of it on the floor of the Port Authority men’s room. I told him I was allergic to pineapple, he seemed shocked and, quite frankly, really sad that I couldn’t eat his delicious pineapple, and we parted ways.
19.) From metalmola:
There was hot water in the toilet. Not that I directly touched the toilet water, but the whole thing was radiating heat.
Edit for those who are curious: it was in a hotel lobby in Jacksonville FL. Pretty sure it was just hooked up to the hot water line instead of the cold. It was too hot to be warmed by the weather. The pipes leading to it were covered in condensation because the AC was on. The toilet refilled with hot water after it was flushed, so I doubt it was mop water.
20.) From Moonlight150:
I was in a stall at work browsing reddit after using the toilet and just killing time until my break was over. When what can I only tell was a somewhat older man shuffling his way over to the stall next to mine. He then lets out a thunderous fart and sits on the toilet and moans out “oh dear god it’s the end of days.” I immediately put myself together and left that restroom before I heard any more.
21.) From kreamaxx:
When I was younger, highschool age, I had been constipated for a few days, I got the urge while I was in the mall and went to the bathroom. It was empty when I got there and was having a rough time pushing this meteorite out. Then I hear some people walk in, a man and a woman talking, then they started making out. Now I was a pretty shy kid, so I tried hard not to make noise and be noticed. Next thing I know I can see through the crack in the stall that the girl is taking off her pants. I guess it escalated to the point where I was getting nervous which caused the giant shit I was trying to take to rocket out. They of course noticed, and she says "oh shit someone's in here" then they rushed out.
22.) From violentmauve:
When I was a kid, my parents worked in a university as professors and I would go to their offices after school until they finished work and we would go home.
Importantly, the men’s and women’s bathrooms were right next to each other. And they had the type of ceilings which are tiles resting on a grid-type metal grid.
One day, I was about 10 years old, I went to the bathroom. I was sitting on the toilet in the stall and for some reason looked up, directly over my head.
There was a guy looking down at me. He had climbed up from the men’s side, removed the ceiling tiles, and was peeping at the female college students as they went to the bathroom.
Apparently I was the first person that looked up.
23.) From Killdoc:
I walked into the bathroom at a hospital Food Court, was in dire need to relieve myself. As I walked in, I heard some thumping from one of the stalls, like someone was gently pounding on the stall walls. Then I saw two pairs of shoes, one in front of the other, under the closed stall door. Due to my need to empty my bladder, I decided to ignore what I saw and took care of business.
As I was walking out, the stall door opened, and one of the food court employees came out, alone. He had been changing into his uniform on his way to work, including his shoes. I actually had thought it was two guys having sex in the stall. He must had thought I was crazy as I walked out of the bathroom laughing hysterically at myself.
24.) From YikesOscillator:
My sister always believed in the importance of teaching her son, even from a young age, to use the correct terminology for genitalia. There was no “that’s your pee pee” or “those are your privates”. It was always “that is your penis”.
So the day before Christmas Eve we are doing some last minute shopping, my nephew was mostly potty trained at this time, but still wore a diaper just in case. She goes off to do some shopping and I take him to the washroom for a change as he has had an accident.
As I’m wiping him clean, he screams bloody murder in a washroom full of people “AUNTY DON’T TOUCH MY PENIS”.
I was f*cking mortified. Worrying that people are thinking I’m molesting him. So I say loudly (yet kindly) “We have to make sure you’re clean!”
I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life walking out of that stall. And to top it off, I was like 19 but definitely looked younger.
25.) From lifesahoot:
I was out drinking one evening. Went to go to the bathroom and there were 3 ladies blocking the guys bathroom. They told me I couldn’t go in. It was the only bathroom in the place and I had to piss bad. I waited about 20 seconds then pushed past them. As I walk in there is one dude at the end of the line of urinals with his dick out not facing a urinal. He’s giving it a pep talk saying things like “come on bud you can do it" and " don’t let me down again". I take quite a long piss and he keeps talking to his dong the entire time. I exited the restroom and told my buddy what happened. He had to see it for himself so he went to the rest room. Same girls outside trying to stop him and same dude in there still trying to sweet talk his wang into doing something.
26.) From icesir:
I walked into a public bathroom at a beach and found a big bearded guy nervously staring at the ceiling above the stall while using the only urinal. As I stepped past him toward the stall, he screamed "STOP!"
Since his hands were full of dick, he could only gesture upward with his head. I looked up and saw a very large pigeon sitting in a nest in the corner. With a super thick Slavic dialect, bearded guy says, "Never trust a mother bird." He washed his hands, still staring at the nest, and backed out of the bathroom.
27.) From Pwncak3z:
Sitting on the toilet in a Denny’s bathroom. The large plastic toilet paper holder was just missing the cover, so when I pulled on the toilet paper roll it fell off and rolled perfectly under the stall wall and fell over right behind the feet of a man standing at the urinal “next door.”
The man must’ve seen it because I instantly hear him say “ope, I got it!”
“Thanks!” I said, expecting him to finish his business then help me out.
What I did not expect was for him to bend down to pick it up right then and there... but not how one normally bends down.
I can guarantee he was midstream when he leaned over backwards like fucking neo in the matrix. I see his legs bend forward then see his hand reaching down behind him. He bends over far enough to grab the roll, stream still going (it was a urinal with water in the base so I could hear it) he grabs it and perfectly rolls it back over to me, GIVES A THUMBS UP, then stands straight up again.
Un-f*cking-real.