Most people save their biggest displays of unhinged behavior for the safe privacy of home, but there are exceptions for every rule, and the people who fly their freak flag in public make life a helluva a lot more fun.
Who among us hasn't at least witnessed one stranger completely losing their marbles in a public space? Better yet, who among us hasn't walked into a scene that felt completely surreal and incomprehensible? While these moments are rare and numbered, the weirdest public scenes haunt our brains forever with a beautiful and terrifying force that cannot be tamed.
In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the most hilarious and outlandish things they've seen go down in public, and some of these sound straight out of an Adult Swim clip.
1. OP kicked it off with a riveting tale of a monkey fighting a dog.
I was waiting out front of a truck stop back in the mid 80's. Sitting on a park bench with a guy that had a big Rottweiler kinda dog on a leash with him. I tried to make small talk but he was quite a sourpuss. So we sat in silence for a few minutes until the most unexpected thing I have ever seen, happened right before my very eyes.
While we were sitting there a big 18 wheeler pulls in without a trailer (bobtail) so he parks right up front like a normal car would. Inside the cab of the truck with the driver is a little monkey. The dance for the organ grinder kind. I think they are called Rhesus monkeys perhaps. Well the dog spots this lil monkey and proceeds to go apesh*t over it. Lunging at the end of his leash and barking at the top of his lungs. Generally making a real spectacle of himself to say the least.
The driver is obviously upset, but not nearly as much as the monkey is. Actually upset may be the wrong adjective to use for the monkey though. In retrospect I think eagerly aggressive may be a more appropriate description for his disposition. He was pacing the dashboard back and forth. Never taking his eyes off of this very aggravating dog.
The driver opens his little triangle window that they don't make on cars anymore. The ones made for smokers back in the day. He yells out to this douche bag to call his dog off because it is upsetting his monkey. The guy laughs and says no way (I told you he was a jerk didn't I?). Says that his dog ain't bothering nobody. The dog hasn't shut up since he laid eyes on the monkey. I promise you he is bothering everybody for several blocks around.
Now here's where things start to get interesting. The driver says that if he doesn't call his dog off he's gonna let his monkey loose on that dog. Douche bag laughs and says that his dog would eat that monkey alive. Upon hearing this the driver leans over and reaches into his glove box I guess. Pulls out one of those tiny baseball bats like you used to get at Astroworld or carnivals, and places it in the monkeys hand.
The monkey obviously knows what's about to go down because he is now trying to squeeze out of that little triangular window I mentioned earlier. This monkey has murder in his eyes if I have ever seen it. Driver hollers "Last chance to save your dog's a*s man." In response douche bag lets his dog off of the leash. Now we have a situation that has escalated to the point where we have a dog jumping up at the window and a monkey screaming profanities right back at him.
Well, the driver finally rolls down the regular window and out leaps all kinds of miniature primate hell. The dog never knew what hit him. Quick as a flash this monkey is riding on the back of this dog's neck. His two back feet all wrapped up in his neck fur with one hand hanging onto an ear. The other hand as you may have guessed by now is steadily and mercilessly raining down blows about this dog's head and face. I mean hard blows. You can hear them whap whap whap.
Well it only took a moment for the dog to realize he was in way over his head. He bolts yelping bloody murder as he runs away at full speed. I mean this dog is running so f*ckin hard he's throwing up tufts of grass and dirt as soon as he leaves pavement. The monkey still riding him and beating on him the whole time. Douche bag acts like he wants to fight now but several people including myself stepped in to stop that nonsense. In a couple of minutes or so the little monkey comes loping back with his little bat still in hand, and leaps up into the still open window of the truck to await his master who has gone on into the store.
That wanker ran off to try to go find his dog, but I don't know if he ever did. My ride showed up and I had to go. Never again in this lifetime will I see something so totally crazy and unexpected like that. I am both fortunate and humble to have been so privileged to be present for such an event.
So Reddit, please do tell. What's your craziest thing you have ever seen in public?
TL:DR Small monkey beats the sh*t out of large dog.
2. cadaverbonnet joined a proposal flash mob.
So I was loitering with a couple friends in a little village-style outdoor mall that's pretty popular in my city. Without warning, a massive group of people turned the corner onto the street and started walking down it together at a brisk pace. Not a flash mob, no one's shirtless, just a group of what had to be three or four hundred people all walking together, and as they're walking the ones on the fringes of the train are calling out to passersby to join in. There's no indication of where the group is going or why, and no one is explaining themselves or holding signs or anything.
We're near the end of the street, watching more and more people latch onto the group out of sheer curiosity as it moves en masse towards us, and I said, "F*ck it, let's go." So we tacked on to the side of the train and followed it for ten minutes or so into the heart of the mall, where there's a small park with a sculpture garden and a fountain. By that point there were way too many people to come close to fitting in the park. I would estimate at least a goddamn thousand packed together.
The guy who was leading the parade approached this young woman who was sitting on one of the benches there, who was looking pretty bewildered at being surrounded by hundreds of strangers. Another young guy who was with him, sort of a ringleader type, turned to face "us" as a group and started to shout-sing "Lean On Me." With no idea what was going on, the rest of the group joined in until there were enough people to fill an auditorium all singing Lean On Me together to this complete stranger of a girl in the park. We got about a minute in (to the end of the second chorus) before the guy's friend shushed us by raising both hands, and everyone went dead silent.
Then the guy who was leading the parade got on one knee and proposed to the girl. She said yes. Everyone cheered and dispersed, more or less.
It's one of my favorite memories, just because of the sense of being part of something greater, for no reason except that we were all human. With no idea where we were going or why, we still joined the parade of people and sang to this guy's wife-to-be, because it was a good thing to do.
TL;DR: I join a man's spontaneous flash mob to help terrify the woman he loves.
3. Decyde saw a woman get busted for doing what she loves.
A chick got arrested at a concert because she was blowing random guys. I don't think she was drunk or on drugs but she would just go up to a guy and unzip his pants and pretty much suck his dick and spit out the load. A few minutes later, she'd go up to another guy until 40 minutes later 3 police officers came and arrested her after people were complaining.
4. 4ppleseed saw a young man confront his abuser.
I was doing some window shopping on Upper Street in Islington, London about 4 years ago. It was the middle of summer & I was just passing the time going from shop window to shop window. I'm looking at some boots and my attention is grabbed by the reflection of a young, long haired blonde guy around 20 years old who all of a sudden looks physically stressed. I turn around and he's blocking the path of a old man.
The old man is wearing some old fashioned hat and has a grey beard & looking equally stressed about this kid not letting him pass. I'm just about to tell the kid to stop being a dick and get out of the way, two or three other people have now stopped around us as it's a quite an odd looking scene but all of a sudden the kid finds his voice, with tears in his eyes he says... "My name is Julian Flow, my parents are [something and something] Flow. Your name is [I can't remember what he said], my parents are Deaf and when I was a kid, you babysat both me and my sister. You sexually abused us both for years and I never thought I would see your face again. There is no way in hell I am letting you pass me this time'.
The old man insists the kid has the wrong guy. The small crowd start to circle them both, some extra people have now joined after hearing the speech. I think some guy says to the old man, if you're not who he says you are, just prove it - take out a credit card or something. The old man refuses. I start to walk away from the crowd as one of the passerbys says 'well, you're not going anywhere until the police turn up' and calmly holds the old guy by the arm.
5. stickflickpick watched a man care more for a shopping cart than himself.
Saw a homeless man park his shopping cart between two parked cars on the side of the street. Then he walked out into the middle of the 4 lane street and took a shit.
6. 0-1-1-2-3-5-8-13-21 has no idea what was going on that night.
Was outside smoking at a huge university by myself at about 4am when I see a deer running down the middle of the road. The noise of it running against the pavement was super bizarre. Next a pickup truck comes barreling after it.
The deer runs onto the campus lawns and the truck jumps the curb and follows it through the yards. I run after, gotta see what this is about, and by the time I get to where the truck had eventually stopped the deer was nowhere in sight. 4 guys were standing outside the truck yelling at each other. I sort of duck behind this bush area and run into a guy who was ducking there, doing the same thing as me. We kinda looked at each other, shrugged, and kept watching.
These guys look university age, yelling about guns, fighting, shooting each other. The guy in the bushes with me starts to make moves to get closer to the action, and the 4 guys see him. They start to walk over, I'm terrified, and they see me. They are marching over, confident, like they are going to murder me, and one guy (HUGE black guy) comes right up to me and picks me up. In a hug. And sort of just sways left to right with me in his arms saying "We were just kidding. We were just kidding." He set me back down and the 4 of them walk calmly back to their truck, and drive away.
I really have no explanation for any of it.
TL;DR: Deer, truck follows it through campus, confronted by huge black man, comforted by huge black man.
7. kplis watched a man crash two cars at once.
I was driving out in the boonies and I saw a man towing a late 80's Honda with another late 80's Honda. Now this wasn't such an odd thing to see in the area. If you couldn't afford the tow truck, you just got a buddy, some rope and another car. As long as you always braked carefully and slowly the guy behind could also brake, and the bumpers would only touch a bit. There would be some scratches, but nothing you couldn't live with.
This man was doing this task solo though. Also not unheard of, but it just requires even more caution with braking. Brake slightly so the car behind you contacts the bumper, and then slowly apply the brakes even more.
I'm not sure how long the man had been doing this for, but he was going about 45 mph, so he must have been pretty confident in his abilities. However, when the deer leaped out into the road, his reflexes took over and he slammed on the brakes, leaving the second car to slam into his first car. He was fine and missed the deer, but both cars were totaled.
tl;dr: Man rear-ends himself with his other car.
8. arccentric saw Paul dominate the party.
First off; that is one of the most hilarious things I have ever read. Hopefully this story offers fair competition:
While I was in college a friend of mine threw a house-party that ended up getting extremely packed. The house was fairly large, and the bulk of the party was dancing in the living room area (carpeted), which had the furniture cleared out to make room for the DJ / drunken people dancing.
The DJ was a childhood friend of mine that I used to break dance with, but was only spinning top 40 stuff to keep the energy high. Let me introduce the star of this story: let's call him Paul. Paul is the guy you see at every bar / dance club that dances horrendously, but for some reason or another, thinks his dancing is amazing. Paul also happens to be on overly machismo douche.
If at any point in the night any girl started cheering for some other guy's dancing, Paul would magically appear and try to have a dance off... usually ending in the other guy stepping out of the room to escape the pelvic thrust taunts.
(--couple hours later--)
My DJ friend and I decide to spin some old-school hip-hop that we could break dance to; the crowd starts to get into it, and a circle forms. I step in to take a turn in the circle, and about 30 seconds in, I see Paul at the edge of the circle looking like a dog on a leash, waiting to break into the circle and show everyone who's boss. I finish my thing and get to the edge just in time to see that Paul had cleared himself a runway into the circle.
And now.. the magic: Paul takes a running start towards the circle, and does a front flip as he enters. He had had a bit much to drink, and underestimated how it would affect his ability to stick his landing; rather than landing on his feet, he over-rotated before un-tucking. The combination of his forward momentum from the running start, and the centripetal force of his flip made him transition straight into the worm, then his legs curled backwards up over his head (his body in the shape of a C) as he skid across the carpeted floor on his forehead.
I spit out my drink and laughed like a little girl, as did pretty much everyone else in the room. I seriously have never laughed that hard in my life; I cried so hard it gave me a headache.
Later on in the night I overheard him hitting on some random girl at the party. The girl notices the rug burn all over his forehead and face, and asks what was wrong with his face. The only words that get out of his mouth were "we were having a dance circle, and I..." before the girl cracks up and says "YOU WERE THE FRONT FLIP GUY!". She couldn't stop laughing, and he walks away in shame. I later found out that he had to go to the hospital for a concussion - I say it was worth it.
9. Sebring_the_Second watched a woman shut it down with her boyfriend.
I was waiting for the bus and a couple were arguing extremely loudly then the girl screamed "NO ANAL FOR YOU TONIGHT!!!!!!" before storming off. I almost died laughing. The best part is she sounded furious and was totally serious.
10. nakedbootleg saw a bar fight to remember.
A bar fight between a group of deaf guys. Hands down, the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.
11. PICKLED_KITTENS broke the rule of fight club.
I think I saw a fat chick fight club one time. I live in a pretty small town and we have a local grocery store. I was driving home one night about 11 and passed by said grocery store and noticed a bunch of the local country hicks had their trucks in a semi-circle with the headlights on and in the headlights were these 2 very obese women just going at it. Like clothing ripped and just beating each other. It was the strangest thing.
12. beyondtheridge saw a man method acting like a chicken.
A man was "walking" down the sidewalk like a chicken, strutting and flapping his bent arms. I ducked behind a building to avoid interacting and waited a while until I figured he was on his way.
When I peaked around the corner of the building to make sure he was gone, there he was posed on one leg with one of his "wings" behind his head and the other tucked under his armpit. I really went the other way then. It was a public enough setting that I wasn't in danger. I wonder now why he wasn't making clucking sounds.
13. LookSuspicious saw a man burn it all down.
I was walking into Rite Aid to buy batteries. As I walk in a homeless man slinks in behind me. We both walk to the right and he turns in the snack aisle. The batteries were perpendicular to the snacks. All of a sudden I hear multiple footsteps behind me jogging to where this homeless man is.
I turn around and see the homeless man now shirtless ripping bags of peanuts and throwing them in the air and two store employees trying to subdue him. As they finally struggle to pin him down he begins to yell, "I REGRET NOTHING." Just repeatedly yelling it as he is dragged out of the store...
14. rareearthdoped saw a bunch of monkeys fight a dog.
The most hilarious thing that I can recall is related to monkeys and a dog too. I was in India at that time and back in my school, students living in the hostel (dorms) used to have the breakfast from the canteen during the winters, and eat outside on a sunny day on set fixed chairs and tables.
Most of us used to throw the yellow part of the boiled eggs on the ground, leaving a competition between monkeys, (stray) dogs and crows to grab those. Usually dogs use to dominate in this fight. And of course monkeys were badly pissed at this. One day, me with three of my friends was having breakfast and saw a group of 6-7 monkeys surrounding a sleeping dog.
One monkey pushes the dog, and as soon as dog takes his head up, all the monkeys slap him one by one, taking 2-3 rounds. Before the dog could realized what happened, all monkeys were gone and the expression on the dog was like what the hell just happened. Whenever I think of that, still make me chuckle.
15. ajoker40 watched a man truly fail at a roundhouse kick.
During a bar fight I saw one guy jump off a table and try a spinning roundhouse kick, only to miss by 4 feet and then get hit in the face by a plastic trashcan by his opponent. He was then escorted out by the bouncer while the entire bar laughed at him.
16. Downhillrunner thought they were on candid camera.
I could've sworn I was on one of those hidden camera shows one time. I went to the Social Security office to legally change my name after I got married. The guy next to me on the elevator practically ran to grab a number before I got there. I go in and sit down and mr in-a-hurry sits next to me and tells me how he bought a suit at Jos A Bank for a job interview in Vegas and someone stole them and his wallet with all his money and credit cards. He happened to see one of his suits on some guy on the street and decided that he should go beat the guy up (obviously!). The cops showed up and arrested him. Can you believe that! The guy with his suit and wallet got off scott free and now he is in jail overnight and he has to sleep on the dirty floor!
I nod, politely like "yeah, that happens to all of us." I am rescued by the good looking business man sitting next to me. He is there with his sister. Trying to make small talk, I ask him if he's there on his lunch break, as he appears to have just come from work. "No," he says "I haven't been able to work for a year. They say I have problems, but they're wrong. They mad me go to a place for a while, but they're just trying to steal my ideas." Huh... "I write sometimes, but I know someone wants to steal what I write, so I burn it all. You HAVE to burn it all."
The conversation continues like this for 10 minutes until schizophrenic business man stands up, looks around suspiciously, mumbles something, and walks away. Suit Man looks at me like "Can you believe these people?!?!
So ladies- think twice before you go to legally change your name.
17. The_Slender-Man doesn't know how the man got the piano there.
Saw I guy playing a piano. Right outside a subway. Full-sized grand piano.
18. Cigareddit has a few stories.
I have 2 stories first one just happened. The second one, however, is hands down funnier and stranger.
I'm here in NJ, on the shore, where we took the brunt of that bitch Sandy's wrath. 4 or 5 days after we went to the Wawa (it's a convenience store) to buy some Cigs. The line was literally coming out the door and looping around the building, because this was the only place that accepted credit cards at the time, since most computer systems were still down.
I was waiting in the car and this girl starts screaming at another girl in the passenger seat of a car. I should note here that drug use is rampant, and anyone addicted to something would, at this point, be going through some type of sickness/withdrawal. Both of these ladies clearly were going through it. The girl in the passenger screams.
"B*tch what did you say?"
Girl 2: "I said f*ck you you b*tch if you want to something then d..."
The girl in the car had already opened the door, run out, and punched Girl 2 in the face before she could finish the "do something" part.
A drug sickness fight started and it took 5 grown men to pull them apart. Huge drug induced brawl.
Story 2
I used to work at a funeral home. The town had some bad parts and this we had one chapel that was across the street from a crack house. The crack house got raided by full SWAT and about 30 other officers, bullhorns saying "come out of the house" all that jazz just as we were carrying the deceased outside to put in the hearse.
So the whole grieving family had to see that f*cked up spectacle, swat raiding a crackhouse, crackheads running all over the place being tackled by police. The really strange thing about this is that the funeral parlor was always in communication with the police station because we would have to block some intersections so the precession could stay together. The police knew there was a funeral going on and decided not to wait another 45 minutes to bust this crackhouse that everyone knew was a crackhouse for at least 3 years.
19. Maxwyfe witnessed a truly bizarre protest.
My husband and I were in a mall in the DC area in the early 90's. At that time, Mary Lou Retton was hyping Tyson chicken products near the Mall food court. We took a look - "Oh, hey, that's Mary Lou Retton" and walked past.
Out of a service door comes a man in a pretty shitty looking chicken costume being led by a girl in tie dye and dread locks. Sensing epic misfortune about to unfold, I grab my husband and we follow them back to the food court. Sure enough, the chicken throws a water balloon or something filled with red liquid resembling (might have actually been) blood at Mary Lou Retton and her crew as they are frying up delicious Tyson chicken in front of a crowd of soccer moms and their kids. The girl shouts something about Tyson being serial murderers and in an instant the chicken is underneath a large security guard.
As they are leading the chicken away, his girlfriend is shouting "Don't hurt him! Stop choking the chicken!"
20. Lampmonster1 watched a couple drive a doghouse around.
Two white trash heroes (one guy, one girl) driving down the highway in a small hatchback with a gigantic, homemade, doghouse on the hood. The doghouse was so heavy that the front tires were rubbing the inside of the wheel well and so big that both of them were leaning out the windows so they could see ahead of them. The were also both smoking like there was no tomorrow. If only I'd had a camera or a video camera. You guys would have loved it.