Gene is a first name, like Gene Wilder, and Attell is the last name of Schumer's fellow comedian and close friend Dave Attell.
Well, eleven months after welcoming Gene Attell Fischer into the world, Schumer said on her podcast 3 Girls 1 Keith that she noticed something funky about it.
"So do you guys know that Gene, our baby’s name is officially chaged? It’s now Gene David Fischer. It was Gene Attell Fischer but we realized that, by accident, we named our son 'genital,'" she said on the show.
People shared stories of parents who didn't catch the unfortunate names.
Poor Jenna Taylor.
I met a girl once and she told me her name and immediately started to laugh. Her name is Jenna Taylor. Not one person had ever said anything about it to her . I felt terrible but it still makes me laugh.
Sometimes it is an accident. When my son wanted to enlist in the Navy I told him I didn't think being referred to as a Luckey (his legal last name) Seaman (semen) was going to be a good idea, he agreed and joined the Army.
Commenters on BuzzFeed's post about the name change knew a peculiar number of Dicks.
There are also a lot of "truthers" out there claiming that Schumer never named her son Genital Fissure, and was just saving the "revelation" for a rainy day when she especially needs attention.
amy schumer is really going to act like she didn’t know her son’s name sounded like “genital fissure” & just now changed it. you’re a “comedian.” you knew & thought it’d be the funniest thing ever, but the joke didn’t land so now you’re doing cleanup🙄
Everything is different in quarantine. The whole world has come to something of a stand still, while those still working outside the home are forced into war-zones of sickness and chaos.
For the first time, people across the world are simultaneously experiencing the exact same thing, and we can all skip the small talk to unpack just how scary and surreal living through a pandemic is.
This of course, affects the nature of texting and dating online. Without the threat of being embarrassed IRL any time soon, people have become bolder in communication with exes and potential love interests, and delirious with close loved ones.
If you've been feeling like your texting game is truly off kilter, you're far from alone, here are just a few examples of how people's notifications look during lockdown.
13. TFW you're spit-balling reality television pitches in quarantine.
Its almost midnight and @catvalente and I are in separate rooms texting each other possible names for burrito based reality television. Living that love in the time of coronavirus lockdown dream. pic.twitter.com/u3zxUgjee4
— Heath like the candy Miller like the beer. (@veryheathmiller) April 14, 2020
14. Is there a better time to teach children how to text?!
You know that old saying "the customer is always right"? Well, funnily enough, it's wrong. Anyone who's worked in food service, retail or hospitality has had more than a few encounters with customers who were definitely not right. They were not even on the same planet as right. They wouldn't know "right" if it was right in front of their face, serving them a perfect meal which they sent back to the kitchen because the "potatoes were too beige."
Someone asked Twitter to share stories of customers who proved the "customer is always right" theory to be "spectacularly wrong."
Here are 34 of the funniest and most infuriating stories about customers who were very, very, very wrong:
1.)
A customer complained that when they opened their bbq, the food wasn't there. When I said the picture was just an indication of what you can cook on it she said she'd 4 more at home in the freezer. pic.twitter.com/vSui3VQODs
I once worked as a banker. A customer railed at me because their debit card wasn’t working. I investigated, then said, “Sir, your account is in overdraft.”
He said, “I DIDNT ASK YOU FOR MY ACCOUNT BALANCE, MORON! I WANT TO KNOW WHY MY DAMNED DEBIT CARD WONT WORK!” pic.twitter.com/jZhS5231oR
Had a woman come up to me at a computer store & berate me on how bad the customer service was. She vented every ounce of anger she had inside her. She finished & said “What excuse do you have for ignoring me when I clearly needed help!?”
Being trapped in quarantine probably isn't the most fun you've ever had, but it's what we must do right now to keep people safe!
While you might have friends on Instagram who have used their time in isolation to beautifully re-organize their entire homes, get six pack abs, learn how to bake forty different kinds of breads, or suddenly turned into Robin Williams in "Dead Poet's Society" while homeschooling their children, it's ok if you've spent this time hiding under a blanket binge-watching reality television and chugging cheap wine.
As long as you're social distancing and supporting your local essential workers, you're doing great! However, many people are still getting some serious cabin fever while stuck inside. Especially now that the weather is beautiful and Spring is in full swing, a lot of us are daydreaming of the time when hugging our friends wasn't a crime.
Here are the funniest Tweets we could find about what people are going to do the second they're allowed to live their lives again...
This pandemic has been challenging for everyone, but especially for parents of young kids—and even moreso for single parents. With school and daycare no longer providing temporary respite, single parents must now be solely responsible for their kids 24/7, in addition to all the other tasks they need to do, like work and household chores.
To make things worse, a lot of parents, particularly moms, are now facing a new brand of mom-shaming: pandemic mom-shaming. People's individual behavior impacts the health and safety of everyone around them more than ever, so it's natural to want to judge people who don't take the regulations seriously, like students on spring break, for example. But a disproportionate amount of this judgment (as usual) falls unfairly on moms, many of whom are doing their best.
One single mom is coping with the judgment by attaching a sign to her daughter when she takes her grocery shopping. It reads:
I AM ONLY 5. I CAN'T STAY HOME ALONE SO I HAVE TO BUY GROCERIES WITH MOMMY....BEFORE YOU START JUDGING STAY BACK
MaryAnn Fausey Resendez shared the photo of her daughter on Facebook, explaining that she uses the sign to discourage people from seeing her out shopping with her daughter, taking a photo, and shaming her on social media.
🤣🤣🤣The sign I made her wear cuz i just know some dumbass will take a picture & talk shit on social media not knowing all...
I think it’s ridiculous that a single mom isn’t allowed to take their child with them. Do idiots think that if they had someone to leave their child at home with they wouldn’t. These single parents need to buy food as well. If the stores are so worried about kids in the store they should also set up times for single parents to shop. These women and fathers want their child safe as well.
I’m so sick of seeing comments of leave your kids at home .... NOT EVERYONE HAS A PARTNER TO HELP !!! So irritating!
I have 2 kids under 3, and I refuse to take them so I have to go around my husbands work schedule which sucks cause it’s always busy AF during that time but it is what it is, if you get help watching the kids you’ll be judged for not social distancing lol 😂 can’t win.
I have 6 kids and 3with severe asthma. I can't leave the youngest home cause oldest don't watch her and she is worse with asthma. I know what u go threw. Your a very smart mom. Good luck stay safe. Sorry I had to come to your acct. You really got to me. Good job.
Some parents are sharing their own experiences with being shamed or criticized for taking their kids shopping during the pandemic.
Yup! This was me and my daughter when everyone thought covering up was an exaggeration and we got side eyes and snickers and head shakes - what they don’t know is not only is she high risk due to her asthma, but I’m also a single parent. Now they came out with the face cover mandate 💪🏽 ha!
I dealt with almost an identical issue yesterday as I had to pick up medication from the pharmacy that does not offer curbside and did not have a drive-through available... I have a one year old . My one daughter may look “ normal “ Whatever the hell that even looks like ... but suffers from severe PTSD. I also have a one year old .. I covered them and quickly was in and out of the store as fast as I could not allowing them to touch anything but was still judged at check out.
I didn’t bother to turn around and defend myself because ... I knew that It was pointless . Just saying NO ONE KNOWS ANYONES STORY .
Stay safe .
A few people are arguing that she should use "curbside pickup." But as Rebecca Fields points out, not all stores offer this service. And for parents paying with food stamps, curbside pickup is not an option:
I feel this very much I'm lucky my parents will watch my son for me to go to work but myself i cant get to the store i refuse to take my son out in this its tough being a single mom some people have no choice but to take their kids with them to the grocery store especially when its essential and listen i know a lot of grocery stores do curb side pick however...if your only money you have is foodstamps ....then ur shit out of luck cause it will not let u pay that way i know I've tried they do debit card only so...might want to think about that next time
Others are praising this mom for being responsible with her kid while shopping, but sharing stories about parents who have not taken such precautions.
I can say 2 things about this mom even though she has her out she has a mask on the child and wipes in the cart. She is doing her best to protect her child. There is a lot of kids I see in the stores with no masks and and mom's have no wipes to keep the kids hands and their hands clean. My hat off to this lady.
I’m fine with this. I get there’s single parents with no help. I HATE when I see 3 kids and two parents at the store. Like at least one of y’all can stay in the car with the kids
Resendez is clearly extremely careful not to expose herself, her kid, or others, to the virus. She even shared a list of precautions she takes anytime she goes out.
SO THIS IS MY PROCESS FOR GOING OUT ANYWHERE (ESPECIALLY SHOPPING)
FEEL FREE TO SHARE
Step 1: I have all your PPE &...
SO THIS IS MY PROCESS FOR GOING OUT ANYWHERE (ESPECIALLY SHOPPING) FEEL FREE TO SHARE Step 1: I have all your PPE & sanitizers ready Step 2: properly don mask & gloves Step 3: wipe down sanitize shopping cart Step 4: if you have to take your child with you & place them securely in the clean shopping cart Step 5: limit contact with others and only touch what you need to. Step 6: place shopping bags in trunk Step 7: open vehicle doors Step 8: remove your gloves & place them in TRASH OR BAG Step 9: sanitize hands (if possible) Step 10: (wearing gloves) carry all items onto the kitchen table, remove from bag Step 11: if possible leave shoes at the door Step 12: sterilize & sanitize items by spraying them down (alcohol, bleach, everclear, etc) Step 13: spray down everything you touched (especially door knobs, lights, keys, cell phone, credit cards & cash etc.) Step 14: Without touching anything dispose of your gloves
There are some questions that simply shouldn't be asked, and yet, people open their mouths and let the horrible words tumble out.
When people ask deeply insensitive questions it can be hard to parse whether they're intentionally being cruel, or they've descended to another level of emotional density. Either way, some questions don't deserve any acknowledgement other than side-eye or a slap.
In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the most insensitive questions they've been asked, and it's clear some people need to get trained on how to talk to others.
They asked how my daughter was murdered. I said a knife. They then said "but I mean how? You found her tell me how. What did she look like. Was she tortured?"
When sitting my dad and step mom down to tell them I had cancer. "Are you sure? You're always over dramatic like your mother. She watched too many soap operas"
Then the following months after treatment and a major surgery they told people I didn't have cancer and I faked it. They were they there for the major surgery and the treatments...... So I get asked by family " did you really fake cancer?" Wtf.
EDIT: thank you everyone for your support. It means the world.
To answer the question YES I kicked cancer's a*s.
I am very limited contact with all of my parents due to their toxic nature. I keep minimal contact for the sake of my siblings.
I have confronted them but they act like they don't remember or don't know what I'm talking about. I've showed my medical records to my other family and they were shocked.
When I was 16 I got asked by some random guy at my aunts house if I knew that I was prettier when I wasn’t smiling. I’ve always been self conscious of my teeth and he made it so much worse. I’m 28 now and still hate them but will at least smile in some pictures.
I was asked if I knew what I was putting people through by having cancer. I'm so sorry that I woke up one day and decided I wanted to have cancer just to inconvenience you? If I knew it wasn't convenient for you to worry about me, I never would have decided to jump on the cancer bandwagon.
I worked as a waiter for a few years in high school. Elderly gentlemen came up to me and asked "is it okay to be dealing with food with all that acne?"
Father in law asked me if my husband and I if we were eating okay while at college. My response was yeah, were able to make ends meet and get groceries and even have a little money left over. His response was yeah, I can tell you've been eating plenty. Looks like you ate the whole damn grocery store. I was 5'4 and weighed 110 pounds.
When I was nine my best friend passed away from a stroke. I was the one who brought her to the school office and stayed with her as paramedics came to take her to the hospital. She died four days later. It was an extremely traumatizing experience and caused a lot of pain and mental health issues. I learned to cope by giving myself two days of the year devoted to thinking about her and letting myself feel my emotions fully. Those two days are her birthday and the day she died.
One day when I was in high school, I think around 15 or 16 years old, I was hanging out with my friends at the local park. We were discussing what we were going to do the next day and I told them that it was the anniversary of her death and that I might not go to school that day. That's when one of my friends turned to me and said "What are you gonna do? Mourn?" and then she laughed like it was a joke. All I could say to that was, yeah of course.
That was the first time I noticed that my friends didn't respect me like they did each other.
“Are you going to make your sisters death a national holiday?” This was because my sister died at 43, the first significant loss ever in my life. This was the one year anniversary of her death, and I knew it would be hard for me, so I requested the day off of work.
This was a coworker who could name all the the people she’d lost (so she...bragged?) since her brother died at age 14, and she said she knew like 30 people who had died since then. I used to put up with her weird quirks, but from that day on I hated her, and didn’t remain friendly with her.
"Now that your Father is gone. You can have your own life. Are you going to have kids?"
Asked to me by an older cousin at my Dad's wake. His body, a few feet away from us in a casket. No, I would much rather have my Father alive than dead at 63 years old.
I had a mandatory one-on-one meeting with my high school counselor about college prep and the first thing he does when I walk in is scan me with his eyes and says “Well I guess we don’t need to worry about filing your college athletics form now do we” and put the form I came in there for to swim in college back in his desk
Edit: There appears to be some confusion. I’m a male and the counselor was implying I was scrawny, and ultimately I decided not to swim in college because the school I chose was D1 and feeds directly into the US Olympic swim team and I’m not that good haha.
Renaissance fairs are one of a kind experiences that often draw return attendees year after year. There are a handful of regular gatherings where the community of costume-clad history (and LARPing) enthusiasts can drink and be merry and make memories.
To those of us who don't regularly attend, the costumed spectacle of Renaissance fairs inspire a number of questions. Are there real showers there?! Do people get wasted off mead? What is the overall vibe?
Luckily, for those of us curious, people who regularly attend or work at renaissance festivals jumped on a popular Reddit thread to share some of their wildest stories.
I worked for a crew for two consecutive summers: First was doing jailing and light entertainment, second doing jousting (I was ground crew/squiring not riding. I could have taken some lessons and learned some basics if I would have been willing to drive halfway across the state every weekend, but alas, I was broke as sh*t.)
Anyway, my favorite fair story is probably the time we almost came to blows with another fight team for reasons I am not entirely clear on. The details are largely unimportant, but the thing that stands out to me was my boss coming up to me and saying,
"This might get out of hand. If you can't fight at least watch our backs. Do you know how to fight a man in armor?"
Hello, seasonal renaissance festival worker here! 7 year beer wench, reporting in!
I work in the main castle, and am always in costume and speaking like a drunken Hermione Granger. It's a lot of fun, I make excellent money but sometimes have to put up with a lot of bullshit. A guy followed me to the porta john once and tried to grope me- he got hauled out by a giant in a kilt. I've had people puke down my front, spill beer on me, blow f*cking horns in my face, I've watched weddings get destroyed, employees get married and go immediately right back to work. That one was odd.
We have a spot in the back wooded lot that everyone smokes and drinks at. Someone dragged an actual wooden bar out there, and there's often cheap liquor hidden around. Lots of sex happens in that clearing. The travelers who can't afford the campsite down the road before their first paycheck often camp here. You'll find plenty of people sleeping in hammocks, there's a half dozen in the trees.
There were two girls that ate a bunch of mushrooms and got lost in the woods for over a day. The cops wouldn't look for them until a full 24 hours went by, even though their purses and cars were still on grounds. They were terrified in the woods at night, but they found their way back via a giant bonfire and people tapping car horns every few minutes, at about four am the night after they disappeared. Pretty scary sh*t.
There's also the pickle guy who gives me a free pickle every time I ask because I was his first real kiss. We were all neighborhood kids at the time, he was fourteen and I sixteen, and he admitted to the group he'd never kissed a girl, so I laid a hot one on him, in front of everyone. It's been a happy memory for the guy every since and I'm glad I did it :)
The other pickle guy was admiring my pink Floyd tattoo and scrolling through his phone pictures to find a PF tattie he'd recently done, looking for different angles of said tattoo, up pops a a naked chick in steamhead goggles covered in nut. "aaaand oops, that was Amy.. Oh here it is."
Sister used to do them, couple things she's mentioned.
At the fair she was at, many people were there on volunteer basis. Only the people who did actual acting (royal court) and those who did acrobats, sword fights, jousting, any sport or stuff got paid. The other people dancing around and doing stuff did not.
All their costumes had to be period. My sister had a custom corset made for $300, then was told because of the bust line it wasn't period and she couldn't use it. She had to have another $300 one made on top of all her other things either we made or she had to have done. Her whole costume easily came out to $500-$800 and she was dressed as a normal peasant/villager. Depending on what people are wearing and how dedicated they are some people have multiple costumes costing upwards of $1,000-1,500 each. Remember, many of these people, my sister included, were doing this for free.
You can pay to camp there over the weekends if you're working there. My sister did not camp as we lived about an hour away and she drove. The camps were f*ck fests. Giant role play orgies and tons of "faire relationships" a girl who had a loving husband and kids at home during the week will be getting plowed by 5 different guys on the weekend. Some people get so into their character they don't even think about real life anymore. After the doors close some of the people still stay in character and stuff.
You'd be amazed how much of a crossover there is between the ren fair lot, SCA, re-enactors and your local kink community. I know one bloke who's an Anglo-Saxon warrior some weekends and his wife's pretty little sissy toy on others.
EDIT: SCA = Society for Creative Anachronism. 'The middle ages as they should have been'.
There is more catty drama at a Ren Faire than there is in most high schools. Reason? The most dramatic girls and boys from high school (and up, the adults get involved as well) come together to form a super clique. There is also a lot of hanky panky going on.
Came in to tell about the charming story of when it started raining and everyone came into my dad's art shop because it had a roof and then everyone started singing Edelweiss for no reason.
Can't really speak on crazy parties that happened, I was like, 12 when I worked with him there.
We worked across from The Lost Boys singing group. Got to know their routine and songs. "We work and we slave, from cradle to grave! Give us alms, alms for the poor!" Dead Bob show was always fun.
Not a Faire employee, but a lifelong attendee. I once got super queasy from drinking out of an unwashed wineskin at a Faire and went to the med tent to lie down and puke a bit. In struts a gangly, long-haired guy, looked to be in his early 20's, wearing a kilt and a nasty set of claw marks on his bare chest, clearly of human origin.
In case that fact was unclear, he loudly regaled the emergency service personnel, myself, and anybody within earshot that they had come from "some b*tch" that things had "gotten heated" with. For the next half hour, we were treated to a missive on how "what happens at Faire stays at Faire, that's rule number 1!" and rambling, graphically illustrative forays into what appears to be a vibrant Faire-worker polyamorous/swinger scene. I am forced to assume there is copious unironic m'ladying throughout.
I was just at my local one yesterday and the guy selling my wife a shirt started talking about how some of the vendors belong to a local swingers society. He said it's mostly the older people. He said the leader of their group is the Santa at the mall nearby during the holidays.
I knew a guy who ended up f*cking a mother and daughter at different times. He hooked up with the daughter first (then found out she was only 16) and then like 6 months later, he hooked up with the mother and was banging her on the regular for a while. The mother didn't even care that he had banged her daughter.
Ho-ly sh*t. Everything you can think of and then some.
After hours you have massive parties on the camp grounds. And not just parties, I mean PARTIES. Full moon? Everyone moon dancing drunk as hell in the meadow. Pagan holidays? Drunk as sh*t at the forge playing with fire.
We have giant ragers where we auction off weapons and extra gear and ye olde sex toys. Proceeds to charity and MORE MEAD! And that's just the average stuff.
When you're walking around eating your turkey drumstick, we're hitting on everyone in eyesight. Rose-grams, candy deliveries, faire pickups. You name it we do it. And the best are the guilds.
Guilds are like frats on steroids. And Guild wars are the best part of being a guild member. Rogues seduce wenches, Wenches hunt rogues, Privateers get everyone wasted, and Peasants grab everything not nailed down for sh*ts and gigs. Hell, even when you can't see security, the Merc's guild is watching. You can't get away with sh*t. BUT WE CAN!
Serious partying. Lots of alcohol and pot. This was back in the 80s.
I was 15-16 when I was camping on site though, so I just hid out in our tent with my friend who was also underage once the drinking started.
Nobody bothered us, but we felt like staying out of sight was best. We were both ridiculously young and innocent, so nobody tried to get us to join in the fun.
Somebody tried to rape me at knife point when I was 17, but that was during the day and he was a patron, not a worker. He was not successful and security wasn't able to find him because all he had to do was ditch his feathered mask and cloak... I didn't tell my parents because I wasn't harmed and I knew they would make me quit immediately. :P
I help with the archery competitions. Some idiots decided to sneak in threw the fence to avoid paying the small entrance fee. All fine and dandy, but little did they know their sneak in location was right smack dab in the middle of the live archery competition.
Yeah,, we had to hastily stop people shooting and then call security to escort the idiots. They could have been hit by an arrow /so/ easily.
I got my dick sucked by two bigger girls in corsets with tits that doubled as bookshelves. Those things get wild as sh*t. I think someone slipped something into the mead that was everywhere. Fun a*s night.
Ladies, we need laughs now more than ever. These memes are relatable and hilarious for any woman who is social distancing and needs a good chuckle today.
Sign languages are beautiful languages that people find themselves using by accident. Many official signs are often used as gestures and cheers, and it's good to know when you think you're rooting for Oregon when you're actually emphasizing "vagina."
Thankfully, sign language users discussed in a thread the signs people use and don't realize that they're using.
You're not alone if you mess up "thank you" and "screw you."
I took sign language for three years at high school. Our principal would incorrectly sign the word “thank you”, and would instead do the sign for the word “slut”. My sign language teacher let her do it for three months before correcting her.
The University of Oregon's sports fans have a lot of spirit, and they like to put their hands together in an "O" and cheer. Unfortunately, many of them put their hands together in the wrong way and you have half a stadium signing "vagina" and shouting an extended "oh" in excitement.
A colleague of mine once told me a story about how he was singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star for a group of children when he noticed a lady at the back of the room stifling a laugh.
She approached him afterwards to apologise and explain that his hand symbol for star was pretty much sign language for vagina so couldn't help her reaction.
He altered the delivery of the song for future audiences.
I see "lesbian" signed alot without being aware. its the first finger and thumb in the shape of an L placed on the chin. People do this when pondering something.
I briefly took a sign language class in college. On day 1, the teacher assigned all of us "name signs" related to the first letter of our first names.
My first name starts with "C", and she assigned me a name sign with a "C" shape signed on my left chest.
Which I later learned is the actual sign in my area for "Citation". (The chest position relates to the position of a police officer's badge, I guess.) I was mostly amused.
I high school, whenever I was stubbley, I would itch my chin with the back of my fingernails. You can imagine how embarrassed I was when a deaf woman at my church informed me that gesture was basically equivalent to the middle finger.
Every time you make a thumbs up, you're saying the number 10. Every time you do the OK sign, you're saying the number 9. Every time you cross your fingers, it's the letter R.
I took ASL in high school, a common mistake people made was when signing "Nice to meet you" they would do the sign for meet (both hands holding up the index finger and moving them to meet each other l) vertically instead of horizontally, which means "sex".
We had a deaf transfer student join our class one year and a guy signed this three times to her before realizing why we were all yelling at him
[British Sign Language] user here! You should know that whenever you do a double handed finger gun, you’re dangerously close to saying ‘anal sex’
13. Icefirewolflord reveals that the act is also popular in America.
There’s a TikTok trend where people are holding their pointer fingers together and shuffling their feet like they’re shy, but from my knowledge that actually means gay sex. It’s wonderful.
When ever I see people snap, I think they are signing “dog” in American Sign Language. The sign for dog looks like a sort of slow snap, since the sign is essentially fingerspelling “dog” fluidly.
Quarantine has definitely forced most of us to adapt to living our entire lives through screens. Virtual workouts, work meetings, family parties, happy hours...
If you don't have flattering lighting in your home, all your friends are about to notice. While most people are out of work or working from home, suddenly every regular phone call has become a FaceTime. Who do we have to set up a Zoom meeting when before we just would've sent an email? What is happening?
While many parents are getting used to the challenge of homeschooling their children during quarantine, college students are also doing their best to adjust to online classes AKA "Zoom University." However, it's not always a smooth-sailing transition. With the distraction of virtual backgrounds, Zoom hacks, and professors sometimes sharing a little too much information while screen-sharing, things can get pretty weird.
Here are the funniest tweets we could find about the best, weirdest, and most awkward moments of online classes...
— Watch People die Inside (@theydeadlnside) April 8, 2020
3.
I was in a zoom meeting with my supervisor and we were practicing using zoom and I clicked share my screen but forgot that I was watching @EthanDolan prank @GraysonDolan right before my meeting SOOO when I shared my screen, this the screen my supervisor saw :') I. am. mortified. pic.twitter.com/Yl0bKMYvZg
— Ooloosoo Thoozooskoo 🌻 (@lissathozeski) April 10, 2020
4.
a Japanese university used remote-controlled robots to hold a virtual graduation pic.twitter.com/QGXWefzMMI
too many awkward silences when a professor asks a question. all I can think of is this video from rupauls drag race. pls help. pic.twitter.com/cn2bAyV9rp
"I love being single. It's almost like being rich."
-Sue Grafton
Being single is kind of great. You get to what you want whenever you want. You're not tied down to one person. You never have to fight over the remote. You get to sleep right in the middle of the bed. I mean, wow. I'm not saying you should never get married, but enjoy this magical time, my single friends.
In the pantheon of pop music breakups, few loom as large as that of Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears. But it looks like there's no bad blood between them after they interacted on social media for all the world to see.
The pair dated at the peak of their respective pop prowess for three glorious years in the early 2000s. They had a pretty tumultuous breakup, with Justin heavily implying that Britney cheated on him, and generally trash-talking her for years.
But yesterday, Britney graciously extended an olive branch to JT. She posted a video of herself dancing to Justin's song "Filthy" with a very complimentary caption.
This is my version of Snapchat or TikTok or whatever the cool thing you're supposed to do these days 😅😅😅💃!!!!! As you can see I’m not really dancing folks …… I’m just very bored 🙄. PS I know we had one of the world's biggest breakups 20 years ago …… but hey the man is a genius !!!! Great song JT ✨ !!!! Pssss if you KNOW WHAT'S GOOD 😜 !!!!!!
Then came Justin's response, which got an absurd amount of likes and replies:
People couldn't really handle the simple string of emojis:
Some people praised the two stars for coming together publicly at a time when so many people are craving good news:
It's an intense nostalgia hit, that's for sure.
It could even spark a double-denim comeback.
But some people aren't so happy to see this pseudo-reconciliation.
Either way, this must be a welcome hit of good press from Justin's PR team after he spent the past week catching flack for his comments on quarantine parenting. It's good to see he and Britney are on good terms.
There's potential for mishaps at any party. But add in alcohol and decades-old resentments and drama, and you have a recipe for disaster.
A recent Reddit thread asked people to share the worst things they've seen happen at a high school reunion. The answers might make you RSVP no to your next 10-year bash.
1. When the people planning the party can't even keep it together, you know you're in for a bumpy ride.
It's been a decade since i finished school. I see an old classmate sometimes when he does maintenance work in my apartment block. About a year ago he asked if I was going to the reunion organised by some of our classmates. I said no because i couldn't think of anything worse and also hadn't been invited. (Apparently they organised it over Facebook which i dont have.)
When i next saw him 6 months later I asked how the reunion was and he exasperatedly explained that it had been a real shit show. The mean girls had started planning it together, fell out and then started each planning their own. So there was about 4 shitty tiny awkward parties and everyone was confused - bubblegummustard
2. There's always a Brittany.
I didn't go to my 10 year but my entire friend group did and they all called me asking where i was.
While on the phone with one of them, he goes "oh shit, Brittany is here".
Brittany was a train wreck in highschool and apparently hadn't changed in 10 years. She proceeded to get trashed, get in a fight with a waitress and did meth in the bathroom. Police picked her up that night after she was found her passed out in the McDonald's bathroom. - Ol_Man_Rambles
3. Who would ever agree to this?
Not so much at but before. Ten year reunion for my largish school (500graduates per year). The plan was for the reunion to take place over Thanksgiving weekend. To help pay for the expense, raffle tickets were sent out to the entire class to sell.
The reunion didn't happen. - elliotsilvestri
4. You try to do one nice thing...
At my 25th reunion people complained about having to pay $40. When someone suggested that they would be willing to throw a couple of bucks towards anyone not being able to afford the fee, it became a sh*t show of privilege vs I’m not taking your charity. - Nicole_Btchie
5. Nightmare!
My class never got to the reunion part. Our class president was MIA. When they tried to plan our five-year reunion on Facebook, it devolved into people fighting over the venue and whether or not kids were allowed. Half the people wanted to get trashed and get away from their kids if they had any. The other half wanted a dry reunion in a local park with kids allowed.
Our class also had no money because they spent it on stupid crap senior year, so people argued over whether it would be catered or a potluck, and how much they would collect from everyone if it was the former.
I would not have gone even if they'd managed to figure something out. - OneSixFiveSeven
6. At least they were consistent?
At my twenty year reunion - two decades after high school - two guys got arrested for fist fighting on the sidewalk outside the bar we went to Friday night.
Why were they fighting? One of the guys slept with the other guys girlfriend in high school, and drunkenly brought up the twenty years ago fling. Neither if them married her, or even dated her after high school.
Those idiots got charges twenty years later for her, though. - pedantic_dullard
7. Aw, hope everything went okay for Heather.
At my 10-year reunion, the organizers were doing the thing where they give "awards" for the person who came the farthest to attend, the person with the most kids, etc. The award came up for who had the oldest kid, and people started shouting out their kids' ages. When it quieted down, this shy girl near the front said in a normal voice, "11" and then we all realized why we had stopped seeing Heather right before graduation. - InfinitePizzazz
8. Race is always a great topic to bring up in awkward situations.
At the after party, the one guy getting drunk enough to think it was a great time/place to discuss race relations with one of our black classmates. Well, not so much discuss as randomly impose the topic.
The cringe nearly killed us all. - mindfeces
9. Getting revenge on your mean classmates is one thing. But getting revenge on the Elks Lodge...?
Went to my partner’s 5 year at the local Elk’s Lodge. He grew up in a really rich town, so it was super extravagant. Best part was the open bar until like 9pm and then cash afterwards. We were all having a great time until some scumbag snuck into the basement and stole a bunch of booze (literally multiple boxes). When the bartenders found out at 8:30, they were furious and kicked us all out. Ruined what would have been an excellent night. - hareliza
10. The people who didn't mention this are the real weirdos.
It wasn't really bad, just odd. A guy came with full Kiss-style make up on - white face, black shapes around his eyes and black lips. We were too awkward and polite to mention it, so everyone just chatted with him as though it was completely normal to turn up like that. - Fall_On_Me
11. This must have been hilarious for the millionaire.
one guy had made not one but two fortunes and had a net worth of well over $100 million by our twentieth reunion (high speed modem patents in the late 1980s, early investor in broadband. right place at the right time). He'd already retired. On our classmate update bulletin he listed his occupation as "unemployed and unemployable" as a bit of a gag. Some of the well-meaning but clueless types sought him out to offer encouragement and tips on how to find work. - MastadonBob
12. They wasted the good memorial on Unpopular John Smith!
My sister, my (now) husband and I were all in the same graduating class. Plus, my husband's best friend.
Best friend's name is something like "John Smith". Very common. He was very popular in HS. Super nice guy, stood out in a crowd- if you didn't know him you certainly knew of him. Even in a massive school.
So anyway, the 20 yr reunion rolls around, my sister is the only one who wanted to go. She called right after, very upset. Apparently there was a huge memorial wall for John Smith, who had just died! None of us knew! Awful.
My husband was like, huh. But we just saw him? Called him up and was like "Hey dude, are you dead?" No. Not dead. Surprised, but not dead.
Anyway it turned out the much less popular other John Smith was the one who died. They made a lovely memorial for the wrong guy, who was forgotten totally.
We still run into people to this day who see him and are like "Hey... aren't you supposed to be dead?!" - underpantsbandit
13. This goes beyond awkward...
Didn’t happen to me, but I had this friend who got someone pregnant back in the day and she kept the kid, they’ve both been great about it, he helps financially but that was the extent of his contribution. She married soon out of highschool and met a great guy who has been the de facto dad. Either way, it’s a day bring your kids if you have them event and someone let slip that my friend is that kids “real”dad. And the kid herd it and it was a fucking shit show. Everyone was trying to figure out who said that, and how could someone spill that secret, etc.
In the end my friend pretended he was shocked, and laughed it off as a joke, which honestly i front of the kid was probably a good move. - Toubaboliviano
14. Well this takes an unexpected turn.
Someone I knew from school tried to arrange an unofficial reunion as the school weren't going to do one. He was socially inept so would say and do odd things which people picked up on a lot. But his heart was always in the right place. He went to a lot of effort but very few people responded at all. Those that did mostly made snide comments about the event behind their back, like dissing the location etc. Some made fun of him personally too as he was doing some admittedly odd, OTT organising.
Then close to the event he cancels and blows up sending everyone a (justified) message about how they can all go suck eggs and he was just trying to do something nice and wanted to catch up with people. That was received with more snide remarks too.
He died unexpectedly just a few months later.
- JustJenR
15. Oh no, not "multiple packets of weed"!
Small college reunion with my core group of friends from university. This was about 5 years after graduation. We all partied pretty hard in school, but mellowed out in our late twenties. Decided to all meet up for dinner at a local bar/restaurant. Think Applebees, but nicer.
One guy showed up already wasted, with a duffle bag full of multiple packets of weed and the bottle he started on before meeting us. He decided we were boring, finished his bottle in the restroom, and refused to come out. He ended up passing out there.
Bartender kicked him out. He came alone in an uber, and we had no idea where he lived. None of us wanted to take him to our places (he was angry, puking and belligerent), so we dropped him off at his last known address.
His parents' house.
Both of them answered the door, and we handed him over. It was past midnight and incredibly awkward.
He's not invited to the next reunion. - tallmatcha
16. Yes, they probably still think you're a loser.
Five year reunion- one guy (always kind of a marginal figure in HS, but a nice person), after some sort of discussion, got his paycheck out and got loud saying “Now do you think I’m a loser?” “Don’t believe how much I make? Check this out” Of course, he just made things worse, and everyone was laughing at him. I mean - he had his paycheck on him? Haven’t seen him since. - kev_61483
17. Yikes.
No one came.
I went to my 10 year. It was admittedly a really small town, so my class was only 27 people. But only 4 people showed up and one was actually homeschooled.
It kinda sucked. I was looking forward to seeing people and travelled from a long way away (3000 miles). It kind of jaded me towards my classmates. I'm not angry or anything. Just a realization that there really wasn't any connection that survived.
- Fearlessleader85
18. Cute story but sorry about your parents' marriage...
Not mine, but my mother went back to her 40 year reunion last summer. In December she left my father (36 years of marriage) for her high school sweetheart and is now living with him. - Jesopotamia
19. Hope you took the money at least.
Someone told me, "You're not a failure, be yourself!" And so when I went and proudly told them what I was doing these days (working a $9.25/hr job, going back to school, having gotten life together in a rehab and back on track, I was proud!) they all pitied me and one dude tried to give me money. It made me feel bad about my current progress. I hate people. - Gyrovague_Greyling
20. That teacher had some dark powers...
We had a teacher in high school that told us "by the time you reach your 10-year reunion, at least one of your classmates will have died" during a discussion about mortality. Ten-year reunion arrives and nobody from our class has died.
Saturday night of the reunion we're partying and having a good old time. One of the organizers gets up to the microphone and is making some announcements, she gets a blank look on her face and drops to the floor.
Brain aneurysm, she was dead before she hit the floor. - ndphoto
21. Very weird.
Someone confessed to me that I was his “dream girl” with his fiancée as his date to the reunion. I barely knew the guy in high school. Unfortunately for his fiancé, she didn’t know anyone there and he refused to leave with her. He drunkenly said “I’m not leaving with her, I’m leaving with you” to me. I told her to text me when their car was outside. Then, I whispered “let’s go” in his ear, walked him out, and put him in her car. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he realized who was driving and I said “yeah, that’s how tonight is going to end.”
If you're reading this you have a lot to be happy about. You're alive, you have access to wifi, and you're about to read some friggin' funny memes. Even if it feels like everything else is going wrong in your life, you can at least have a few laughs. Not too shabby!
If you're spending the quarantine with your partner, you might be learning a whole lot of new things about them...
With hectic schedules and routines, sometimes you can live with someone and barely see them. In lockdown though, every hour is with your quarantine buddy whether you like it or lot. Are you living with a stranger? A stranger you didn't know prefers to eat lunch at 5 pm?
Suddenly, many couples who were previously blind to how their partner acted in a work setting get to hear them on conference calls or Zoom meetings. It's hard enough on agreeing what to have for dinner or what to watch, but now you have multiple choices every day for an undefined amount of time. If your romance survives, it's fate. This is the relationship hunger games, may the odds be forever in your favor.
While lockdown has been stressful, couples trapped together for all their waking hours haven't lost their sense of humor. Here are the funniest tweets we could find from people who are surviving the quarantine with their partners...
People who've worked in restaurants tend to tip their servers exceptionally well—even in cases where they do just a sub-par job. Not just because it's the kind thing to do, since they don't make a living wage without tips, but because we know the bullsh*t they've had to deal with from other customers. It can get pretty ugly. So tip your waiters generously and be kind—because they've been through more than you can imagine, unless you've lived it yourself. Also, they're handling your food. So be nice.
Someone asked restaurant workers of Reddit: "what was the worst customer that you had to deal with?" These 27 servers, bartenders, and other restaurant staff share their customer horror stories:
Worked in a popular restaurant for awhile. We usually have quite a long wait (30-40min waits) during dinner service and people are told by the hosts about this. There was this lady that got fed up with the wait after 10mins. She stormed into the restaurant, stood next to a table of 4 people and literally asked them "are you guys done? we've been waiting for a long time now and would like to have the table if you guys are just chatting...". Was completely mindblown how people are able to not give a f*ck and pull something like this in public.
A customer ordered one of our daily specials and didn’t like it, so instead of complaining to me about the food and letting me offer something else, she complained to my manager about ME. This was May of last year. In August of last year, turns out she was one of my college professors for the semester, teaching A MANAGEMENT course. She recognized me the first day but I played it off like I didn’t know her.
- a huge group of clearly rich kids who came in, stole a bunch of drinks, and left the dining room trashed
- a guy who *demanded* I take money from our tip jar to help him pay for his order and argued with me when I said no.
- people who would place large orders, or even take home a cake and eat half of it, then flip their shit and demand a refund when they'd find out it was all vegan, even though that fact was well advertised.
At the end of a wedding at our facility we were cleaning and I began the cleaning process on our espresso machine. The wedding was over almost a half hour already. The process takes 12 minutes. People were still there as the party slowly let out and the father of the bride asks me for an espresso . I told him I could get it to him (as we have a strict policy of always trying to satisfy a guests needs) but the machine was cleaning and it would be done in about 10 minutes. He begins ranting about how much he paid for the wedding and stormed to our banquets manager and told them I refused to make it for him. Manager is a dbag and starts ripping me in front of the guy. I show both of them that the machine is just finishing the cleaning process and it was impossible to make it beforehand. I got suspended for 2 weeks.
This one guy who basically hated his order so much that he waved me over and told me to put my hand out and proceeded to spit out entirely what was in his mouth into my hand, then tell me to refund him and then make him something else.
He always wore a 3XXXL Red shirt and would come in by Public Transportation as soon as we opened on Unlimited Rib Day.
He would bring in his 64oz big cup and request we fill it with our soda because we couldn't keep up with his refill needs with average cups. We would fill this cup 3-4 times.
He would proceed to gorge himself on ribs over 2-3 hours. He would usually stop for a one time 30 min shit break in the middle of it.
He smelled like rancid ass. Looked just as bad.
I don't think he was employed and he never tipped.
It was a rite of passage for new servers to have to take him.
Way back in the 80s I worked in a restaurant that was a favorite of a celebrity chef of those days, Jeff Smith (the Frugal Gourmet). Never seen a bigger asshat than that guy. Literally make our servers cry. Nothing was ever right, he was beyond rude and condescending, yet he kept. coming. back.
He had a reputation of being a jerk off-camera. Eventually he was disgraced by being outed as a child predator and was quickly forgotten by all.
Our restaurant was a good place. Another celebrity chef of the time, Graham Kerr (the Galloping Gourmet) was always a pleasure to have visit.
Worked in a popular restaurant for awhile. We usually have quite a long wait (30-40min waits) during dinner service and people are told by the hosts about this. There was this lady that got fed up with the wait after 10mins. She stormed into the restaurant, stood next to a table of 4 people and literally asked them "are you guys done? we've been waiting for a long time now and would like to have the table if you guys are just chatting...". Was completely mindblown how people are able to not give a f*ck and pull something like this in public.
Our bar was having a private party. A drunk dude walks in and orders a drink. I knew he wasnt with the party based on his attire and that he came in every so often. I told him I couldn’t get him a drink. He lost his mind. Told me to f*ck off and then wanted to fight me. On his way out he yelled that we should put up signs, as he walked by the signs on the door saying we were closed for a private event.
Any table that mentioned the tip at all. "Don't worry, we tip well" "if you do x, we'll tip big" "we'll take care of you" Holding the tip over my head doesn't get you better service, you get the same everyone else does. They were always pretentious and rude and never tipped well.
Bartending in a restaurant a few years ago. There was a private party and one of the guests asked me to plug in his iphone to listen to a song. No big deal..I did it and he tipped me $20. He left his phone behind the bar and got wasted. When he was leaving I said, "Sir, don't forget about your phone!" He threw a beer on me and told me to leave him the f*ck alone and told me get a real job. Guess who got to keep a nice new iphone?
My friend works at restaurant. A vlogger was shooting a video and since it was allowed within the place nobody troubled her. Apparently she wanted one of those ( Gone Sexual) click bait thumbnails, so she asked my friend to place his face in her breast while she squirted ketchup on herself. My friend refused as he was in a relationship but some other employee agreed to do so. After they shot the thumbnail, she marched in the next day claiming sexual assault. I don't know what happened after that but it did not turn out good for the liar.
Used to be a bartender at this hybrid restaurant/bar/movie theater. On big movie releases, the bar would get absolutely slammed and on this particular night we had run out of glassware completely (people were allowed to take their drinks into the theater with them). The only glassware I had at the time were regular pint glasses that you would normally serve water in (we only served beer in them in a pinch). This guy and his wife/gf got lucky and caught a seat at the bar and he ordered a Jack Daniels neat. Having no other glassware, I put it in a pint glass and explained that we were running low on rocks glasses, assuming he would understand since it was absolute chaos everywhere you looked. He took it and said “I’m not very happy” in a smarmy way and gave this shitty little grin. I apologized again and said “unfortunately we’re not making any more glasses back here” and him and his wife acted like I reached across the bar and slapped him. I just got my manager and told him to deal with them- he told them the same thing I had told them regarding the lack of glassware and gave them a free drink which they seemed happy with. I would’ve felt bad if there was something else I could have done for them, but there wasn’t, so f*ck that guy.
I waited tables for a few years in college and the worst table that I ever had was a Catholic priest and some guy he was trying to hit up for donations. The whole meal he was very condescending and demanding. After everything was done, I left the check at the table. He ended up walking out stiffing me not just on the tip buy on the entire check. He even stole the leather check holder thing. I reported this to my manager. A couple weeks later, this same guy comes in with about 20 members of his congregation. My manager told him he wasn't welcome in our restaurant after walking out on his previous tab in front of his whole party. They all ended up leaving to go elsewhere. Best manager I've ever had.
I had a guy that was a germaphobe and had really bad OCD. He came through before and my coworker didnt want to deal with him. So I went to the drive thru window after washing my hands. I cashed out the order that was on screen and he reluctantly handed over his card. I gave him the coffee that I cashed him out for. He started yelling at me saying that it was wrong. Apparently the person that took the order forgot to type it in, unfortunate but it happens. He started yelling at the coworker that didnt want to take his order at the window. So instead of just saying that it was the wrong order, getting refunded and being on his way, he stayed in the driveway for 20 minutes telling my coworker that she was stupid and unprofessional and was unfit to be a supervisor. He kept demanding that we get the phone number of our franchise owner, but apparently the number was wrong and he kept yelling at us. But when we came back to the window after 20 minutes of this, he left. My supervisor went into the back to cry, I felt so bad for her, she's the sweet person.
Fast forward less than month later, he called the store to apologize and the manager made sure that my coworker never dealt with him again but he could come in as long as he didnt make a scene. He told the manager that his therapist told him he should apologize. He spent a combined total of 3 hours on the phone with the manager, where he apologized and also blamed us for making him late to his appointment that day. And at the end of the phone call, he asked if we were hiring.
Had a man and his wife come in during a really busy lunch rush. He was rude off the bat, interrupting me, not wanting to listen to me speak, whatever, it happens all the time. He was very adamant that he wanted both chips and salsa and a plate of roasted wings as appetizers. He kept emphasizing that he wanted them together before they ordered their lunch. Even though chips and salsa only take a minute and wings take about 12, I rang them in together because of how he ordered them. (In hindsight, I should have made completely sure, but.) Not THREE minutes later, the man is waving at my coworker across the restaurant, yelling at her about how they’ve been there for thirty minutes and his appetizer is taking too long and he wants it before his wings. I was at a party table so she ran back and grabbed the chips and the wings which were somehow up as well and brought them out. He took one bite of a wing and tossed the plate like a frisbee across the table towards her and started complaining about them being cold. I rush over to see what’s going on and he starts yelling at me, saying his food is awful and this is the worst service he’s ever gotten in his life. I don’t do well with grown men yelling at me so I went to the kitchen and my manager went out and thankfully had my back as much as he could, and made the guy pay for the wings and the chips and then leave. After he left, I started to clean the table where I found the single penny he tipped me with - that my coworker promptly threw in the trash - and got a call from my general manager asking why a man had called me “professionally challenged” on Yelp.
Not me, but I heard a story about my dad's former coworker being an absolute asshole to a waitress. He'd only started working in my dad's department (IT) a few months earlier, and my dad did not like him from the start. This guy accompanied my dad on a business trip to Australia a couple of years back, and they went to a nice restaurant one evening. This guy proceeded to tell the waitress the food was horrible, then just resorted to personally insulting the waitress, which made her cry, on top of refusing to tip her. My dad immediately thought "This guy is a complete asshole."
That same guy a few weeks later also tried to get my dad fired, so he could get my dad's position as head of IT. My dad confessed to me that he was thinking of leaving that company anyway, but that guy made him GTFO. Thankfully he's well known in his industry, he's the type of guy that could resign a job on Friday afternoon, and start a new one on Monday morning so to speak. So my dad submitted his resignation and immediately got a job elsewhere.
Unfortunately the guy did get my dad's job, but lots of people in the IT department jumped ship to the company my dad was working at. As a result, the asshole who had taken my dad's job ironically got fired a year later because nobody wanted to work for him.
Fast food near a high school. The absolute worst were the moms. Had one who came in weekly and screamed about wrong orders or whatever complaint she could dream up so she could get free food for her entire family.
Then you get the loser douches who think harassing employees is funny.
The absolute worst customer was the owner of the franchise. He’d walk in, “test” employees and then fire someone for some issue so minor it was likely just made up.
I worked in a beach town in NJ for awhile, and NY tourists were the worst. It was the act that they were doing everybody a favor by being there. This was a "rich beach town", not one that relied on tourism at all. In fact, these arrogant tourists probably brought the average income down, and definitely brought the average tips down.
And anybody who snapped their fingers. I preferred "hey, you!" to finger snapping.
I worked in Domino's, I had a guy throw a hand full of pennies at me while laughing, the 30 odd cents was my tip, he was mad when I turned around and walked away without picking any of them up. His exact words were, "Oh, my money not good enough for you? Fine, I'll never order Domino's again!"
I've never had a customer fire themselves like that before, it was great.
Barista here. Had a guy that regularly came in and ordered a complicated drink. He always finished the order by asking for a “finger swirl” in the drink. If you gave him a confused look he would say “well how else am I gonna taste you?”. He was the worst.
Worked in a popular restaurant for awhile. We usually have quite a long wait (30-40min waits) during dinner service and people are told by the hosts about this. There was this lady that got fed up with the wait after 10mins. She stormed into the restaurant, stood next to a table of 4 people and literally asked them "are you guys done? we've been waiting for a long time now and would like to have the table if you guys are just chatting...". Was completely mindblown how people are able to not give a f*ck and pull something like this in public.
Way back in the 80s I worked in a restaurant that was a favorite of a celebrity chef of those days, Jeff Smith (the Frugal Gourmet). Never seen a bigger asshat than that guy. Literally make our servers cry. Nothing was ever right, he was beyond rude and condescending, yet he kept. coming. back.
He had a reputation of being a jerk off-camera. Eventually he was disgraced by being outed as a child predator and was quickly forgotten by all.
Our restaurant was a good place. Another celebrity chef of the time, Graham Kerr (the Galloping Gourmet) was always a pleasure to have visit.
Work in a place that is frequented by local families and youth sports teams. On sundays this one large group of people always come in and they are the worst. The parents drink and ignore their preteens who run around playing games in the entire restaurant, disrupting everyone else. They have tried to walk in a party of 45 during end of year sports party season when we are booked solid, and get mad that there isnt enough space for them. And they modify everything like crazy and leave 0 in a tip. It's at least once a month the entire group comes in. And weekly for some of the individual families.
He got a tattoo of my name on his arm. We only made out once at a party and I had no interest to date but apparently he took it to heart. It was embarrassing to have to tell people he was not my boyfriend and they would look at me like I had three heads. They would be like "Damnnnnn, you are either a real b*tch or you sucked his d*ck to make him fall that hard for you that he tatted your name on his arm!".And I'm all like, " no, we just made out at a party and I never even touched his dick but apparently he's a psychopath."
This followed me around for years as I was raised in a small town.
2. Sam2250 was in some sort of reverse kiddnapping.
I broke up with my boyfriend of three years in high school. His older sister drove to my house and asked me to sit in her car and talk about it. She was cool, so I did. After trying to persuade me to take him back, and me strongly refusing she tells me she has something for me in the trunk. We get out, go back and open the trunk and he is in the trunk. Crying and begging me to get back with him. I refused.
Update: I broke up with him because he cheated on me. It was right before senior prom and I already had another date who is now my husband so that turned out well!
We were 14, I think. He cut his arm with his compass in a quiet part of class and then bled on a page of my notebook. Then said, "my life and blood are yours, my Queen."
Well, I just went on a date where a guy bought me a gift basket (after meeting me once for an hour) with a mug in it that said "i love you a latte". He proceeded to talk about us having sex through the whole dinner, and said "you're really doin' it for me right now". He jokingly said i could check and see if he had a boner under the table. There was more awkward af stuff, but definitely not a second date.
This nasty proto-neckbeard dude that sat next to me in chemistry way back in high school gave me a box of his toenails as a "gift" once. I still don't understand.
In college, ex-girlfriend broke into my apartment and used my pillow to pleasure herself. I come home to a very embarrassed woman. I had to move away just to leave the crazy behind.
Told him I wouldn't date him so he rode his bike into the front of my truck while I was going like 5 mph in a parking lot, dramatically threw himself over my hood and acted like he was dying so people would call 911. He thought he could guilt me into dating him. It didn't work.
My boyfriend at the time made me a cake for my birthday but wouldn't let me share it with anyone because he "made it for me". So I basically had to eat an entire birthday cake by myself. Very strange.
One of my exes Snapchatted herself masturbating with my Xbox controller.
11. Come for the kisses, stay for the death threats, cyborgerian.
Girlfriend stole my favorite book, put lipstick kisses and oil all over the maps and prologue. I had that book for years. Was certainly the reason we broke up. That and her death threats.
Had this drunken psycho girl come to my old apartment building to try and serenade me. She had forgotten what apartment I was in and ended up going to each apartment and playing outside their doors until someone finally called the cops.
Had a high school girlfriend carve my initials into her ankle then she wrote me a letter with her name signed in blood to prove to me she loved me. Yeah I noped the f*ck outta that one real quick.
A woman once wrote a play about me and had it performed at university second year. There was an entire drama department involved and it was performed in front of hundreds of people. To say it was awkward is an understatement.
Backstory: In high school I was into the whole punk scene. I had the obligatory custom jacket with patches and rivets; the tall, liberty-spiked hair; and a nice, 4-piece collection of tight, plaid pants.
Anyway, this one broody, half-punk/half-goth girl took a liking to me one day. I noticed she was always staring at me from across the school, behind a table, whatever. I basically brushed her off.
One day she comes to school wearing the same plaid pants as me. I was a little bit pissed. It was a small, conservative school. Plaid pants were sort of "my thing." People clearly noticed. Still, I brushed it off.
The next day, she wears the same pants as me again - and these are in a different colour! It's a bit uncanny. The process repeats for a couple weeks. I'm genuinely confused. People started asking if we did it on purpose.
I have to face her. We get to talking, kind of laugh about it. It's all a strange style we share; why we match 90% of the time is a mystery! We start hanging out every now and then. That's when I find out that she has all kinds of notes about me. As in, within a notebook. Charts out where I go, what I eat, what I wear. She has a calendar with actions that I repeat that I never even realized. As it turns out, due to my wash schedule (we went to school in a dirt field with no changing rooms, so PE got your day clothes incredibly dusty and muddy), I repeated the same colour pants on the same days with pretty reliable frequency.
She's a full-blown stalker.
Anyway we've been a couple since we were 14 years old; together for 14 years now, and married for ten of those. Guess I likes 'em crazy.
TLDR: Creating a detailed, well-researched, and totally accurate stalker's calendar.
Unfortunately, the daily stream of coronavirus facts and figures still aren't enough to convince some people to practice social distancing. As a result, others have documented, confronted, and at times shamed their neighbors on social media for living recklessly during a pandemic.
Other people who don't follow the rules happily tell on themselves on social media, urging others to not live in fear, which sounds good on paper but isn't helpful when it comes to slowing a virus.
Here are just a few posts documenting the Covidiots among us, hopefully they will wake up to how serious this all is, so we can slow the spread and get back to life sooner.
7. This group of people protesting social distancing.
#COVIDIOTS in Michigan protested the Governors stay at home order. It amazes me how stupid people are. They were gathered at the steps of the capitol in groups. The Governor of Michigan should be applauded. She obviously has a state full of morons and it’s sad they don’t get it pic.twitter.com/GW9RLbaZNw
8. This parade of people eager to expose themselves to the virus.
#COVIDIOTS drove thousands of vehicles, draped with protest signs to Michigan's Capitol today, loudly protesting Gov. Whitmer's stay-at-home order intended to fight the COVID-19 pandemic
Just drove through Wrigleyville. Every bar on Clark Street has a long line of people ingreen regalia waiting to get drunk and spread a virus. pic.twitter.com/m28q5SnF3J
— The Buck Normally Stops Here (@spiderstumbled) March 14, 2020
13. This email from Equinox, proving they learned the hard way.
. @Equinox refused to close and now the inventible has happened: a member who was infected with #COVIDー19 came to the gym, almost certainly spreading the virus. pic.twitter.com/QN0MLyQsMu
Personally I've never heard of a high school reunion that didn't have at least a few messy and uncomfortable moments. Decades-old resentments + unlimited alcohol is a recipe for disaster, shame, and infidelity. But it's all worth it to find out the girl who was mean to you in high school is in an unhappy marriage. Or.....is it?
Someone asked Reddit: "what is the worst thing that has happened at a high school reunion party that you attended?" These 27 stories of messy and dramatic high school reunion parties might almost make you want to attend yours:
Five year reunion- one guy (always kind of a marginal figure in HS, but a nice person), after some sort of discussion, got his paycheck out and got loud saying “Now do you think I’m a loser?” “Don’t believe how much I make? Check this out” Of course, he just made things worse, and everyone was laughing at him. I mean - he had his paycheck on him? Haven’t seen him since.
At my 10-year reunion, the organizers were doing the thing where they give "awards" for the person who came the farthest to attend, the person with the most kids, etc. The award came up for who had the oldest kid, and people started shouting out their kids' ages. When it quieted down, this shy girl near the front said in a normal voice, "11" and then we all realized why we had stopped seeing Heather right before graduation.
It's been a decade since i finished school. I see an old classmate sometimes when he does maintenance work in my apartment block. About a year ago he asked if I was going to the reunion organised by some of our classmates. I said no because i couldn't think of anything worse and also hadn't been invited. (Apparently they organised it over Facebook which i dont have.)
When i next saw him 6 months later I asked how the reunion was and he exasperatedly explained that it had been a real shit show. The mean girls had started planning it together, fell out and then started each planning their own. So there was about 4 shitty tiny awkward parties and everyone was confused
The people who were supposed to plan our high school reunion dropped the ball, so I figured it wouldn't happen. But then this other dude from our high school stepped up to plan it. He was in a graduate program and also working part-time at a banquet hall, and he said that his boss would give us the banquet hall space for free. It was a really nice gesture, and he seemed really into it. He had been miserable in high school. Grumpy, sullen, unpleasant, mean to other people. He came out in college, so maybe the weight of having to keep it a secret was part of why he was so unpleasant. Maybe he'd be more fun now.
I was working a shit job and had no savings at the time, so I was neither interested in having my former classmates pity me nor was I gunning to shell out a lot of money to attend. Plus my shitty ex might be there and that didn't feel worth it. The organizer made a facebook event and asked people to venmo him the cost of admission prior to attending. He wanted something like $15-20 a head, I can't remember. Anyway, it didn't really feel with paying for. Maybe if there would be some drinks included or something, I would go for an hour.
I sent him a private message asking what the admissions ticket covered -- food? Drinks? The space was free, after all. He posted publicly on the facebook page that if the cost of admission was too steep, "message me and we can work out some financial aid." Uh, what? I then publicly posted, asking what the admission cost covered. No response. Other people asked too. He said it would go towards having a bartender and server dedicated to the event space, as well as towards food. Okay, fair.
Folks, HE WAS THE SERVER. My friend showed up having not yet paid him, and he barred her entry. The people who had paid the admission cost showed up to an empty banquet hall, were given a menu by their former classmate, and told to order their own food and drink from him. He pocketed the admission ticket money as his fee. After an hour, he brought out one (1) grocery store sheet cake for 75 people to share. That was it.
Not so much at but before. Ten year reunion for my largish school (500graduates per year). The plan was for the reunion to take place over Thanksgiving weekend. To help pay for the expense, raffle tickets were sent out to the entire class to sell.
Small college reunion with my core group of friends from university. This was about 5 years after graduation. We all partied pretty hard in school, but mellowed out in our late twenties. Decided to all meet up for dinner at a local bar/restaurant. Think Applebees, but nicer.
One guy showed up already wasted, with a duffle bag full of multiple packets of weed and the bottle he started on before meeting us. He decided we were boring, finished his bottle in the restroom, and refused to come out. He ended up passing out there.
Bartender kicked him out. He came alone in an uber, and we had no idea where he lived. None of us wanted to take him to our places (he was angry, puking and belligerent), so we dropped him off at his last known address.
His parents' house.
Both of them answered the door, and we handed him over. It was past midnight and incredibly awkward.
So far it was the only thing that happened at my high school reunion.
10th reunion. Graduating class of +/- 850. Well-funded high school. Every class has a trust fund to fund reunions. A good friend of mine was our treasurer and organized it via Facebook.
We started big. Ballroom, setting for 1000. Figured spouses/etc. A year out, lots of interest. Definitely not 1000 people interest, started to scale back.
6 months out, less interest. Lots of people reconnected via Facebook and lost the drive to actually care. Scaled back more.
3 months out was deadlines for attendance. The school’s alumni association would dispense the funds based on class size and allotment for the milestone. We hadn’t put a deposit down because the target kept moving on attendance.
2 months out my friend finalizes and does a formal cutoff. She had kept taking anything for a month due to lack of interest.
Day of: it’s at a local bar. Not a small bar, either. Good food. Rented the entire place for a Friday night at that. 25ish alumni showed out of 150 RSVPs, with spouses or whatever was around 40 people.
That was the worst part is knowing so few people actually gave a shit, but the best part was the treasurer’s smirk the entire night.
The school had allotted $50 per person for this. $50, per person, plus guests. $15,000 with instructions to pay everything fully.
We drank and ate our asses off to the point of almost being Roman, and the bill was $7500 between food and rental.
She paid the bill, then handed everyone $100 from the envelope, and then handed the rest of the envelope to the manager and was like “here’s the tip.” So, roughly $3000 for the waitstaff and crew.
Pretty memorable and honestly not that big of a bummer, but holy shit people just don’t care.
At my twenty year reunion - two decades after high school - two guys got arrested for fist fighting on the sidewalk outside the bar we went to Friday night.
Why were they fighting? One of the guys slept with the other guys girlfriend in high school, and drunkenly brought up the twenty years ago fling. Neither if them married her, or even dated her after high school.
Those idiots got charges twenty years later for her, though.
Didn’t happen to me, but I had this friend who got someone pregnant back in the day and she kept the kid, they’ve both been great about it, he helps financially but that was the extent of his contribution. She married soon out of highschool and met a great guy who has been the de facto dad. Either way, it’s a day bring your kids if you have them event and someone let slip that my friend is that kids “real”dad. And the kid herd it and it was a fucking shit show. Everyone was trying to figure out who said that, and how could someone spill that secret, etc.
In the end my friend pretended he was shocked, and laughed it off as a joke, which honestly i front of the kid was probably a good move.
Someone I knew from school tried to arrange an unofficial reunion as the school weren't going to do one. He was socially inept so would say and do odd things which people picked up on a lot. But his heart was always in the right place. He went to a lot of effort but very few people responded at all. Those that did mostly made snide comments about the event behind their back, like dissing the location etc. Some made fun of him personally too as he was doing some admittedly odd, OTT organising.
Then close to the event he cancels and blows up sending everyone a (justified) message about how they can all go suck eggs and he was just trying to do something nice and wanted to catch up with people. That was received with more snide remarks too.
My 10 year reunion killed itself before it happened.
Turns out our class president (traditionally in charge of organizing) took a hard turn for the Evangelical after high school. Highlights of her event planning include:
No alcohol allowed, not even BYOB
a few classmates in a reasonably successful band offered to play for free. She was adamant there would be no music or dancing
Plus ones were to be spouses only. Two guys happily told her they'd bring their husbands, and she kicked them both from the Facebook page.
the venue was the high school's soccer field. In Iowa. In August. We were welcome to bring our own chairs.
A few people offered to bring beanbags and bocce and similar games. She said no, because it would make the reunion "too much like tailgating"
Suggested entertainment was a guided tour of the school, which had undergone zero change since we graduated.
Catering was from Hy Vee, which is a grocery store. Their food is actually ok, but --
Tickets were $60.
It was ultimately cancelled because out of our class of 300, less than 10 people bought tickets.
At the after party, the one guy getting drunk enough to think it was a great time/place to discuss race relations with one of our black classmates. Well, not so much discuss as randomly impose the topic.
I didn't go to my 10 year but my entire friend group did and they all called me asking where i was.
While on the phone with one of them, he goes "oh shit, Brittany is here".
Brittany was a train wreck in highschool and apparently hadn't changed in 10 years. She proceeded to get trashed, get in a fight with a waitress and did meth in the bathroom. Police picked her up that night after she was found her passed out in the McDonald's bathroom.
It wasn't really bad, just odd. A guy came with full Kiss-style make up on - white face, black shapes around his eyes and black lips. We were too awkward and polite to mention it, so everyone just chatted with him as though it was completely normal to turn up like that.
My class never got to the reunion part. Our class president was MIA. When they tried to plan our five-year reunion on Facebook, it devolved into people fighting over the venue and whether or not kids were allowed. Half the people wanted to get trashed and get away from their kids if they had any. The other half wanted a dry reunion in a local park with kids allowed.
Our class also had no money because they spent it on stupid crap senior year, so people argued over whether it would be catered or a potluck, and how much they would collect from everyone if it was the former. (Edit: This was a fund for senior trip, prom, etc. I don’t remember where the money came from. Just know it ran out.)
I would not have gone even if they'd managed to figure something out.
Went to my partner’s 5 year at the local Elk’s Lodge. He grew up in a really rich town, so it was super extravagant. Best part was the open bar until like 9pm and then cash afterwards. We were all having a great time until some scumbag snuck into the basement and stole a bunch of booze (literally multiple boxes). When the bartenders found out at 8:30, they were furious and kicked us all out. Ruined what would have been an excellent night.
We'd been there less than an hour. Having a great time reconnecting. Suddenly an old friend approached and said, "Is that your wife over there? She's pretty hammered" And as we watched, she tripped and fell face-first, full body crash onto a 12 top table where many of my old classmates were sitting.
The table broke, food and drinks flew everywhere, I walked over, scooped her up and half-carried/half-walked her out the door. She took xanax before going (unbeknownst to me) and was an alcoholic who started slamming drinks as soon as she got there. So... Good Times...
Not mine, but my mother went back to her 40 year reunion last summer. In December she left my father (36 years of marriage) for her high school sweetheart and is now living with him.
The High School I went to had a really big gang problem. A great many people didn't attend due to being in prison.
Some of those who were in gangs in high school had worked their way through the ranks...
One in particular was pretty high up, he decided to show up. It was generally peaceful, until somebody decided to stick him with a knife. Then all hell broke loose.
The dude that got shanked was a colossal ass to me through all of high school, and now he's bleeding profusely from multiple stab wounds. Being an off duty medic, I did what I do, half expecting him to bleed out on the gym floor. He didn't remember me, there wasn't that movie moment between us. I doubt he even recognized me, I just kept plugging holes and thinking I shouldn't have worn my nice shoes.
Cops and EMS arrived, few people got arrested, he survived, I ended up tossing my favorite dress shoes and a really nice pair of pants because they were too bloodsoaked to rescue.
My sister, my (now) husband and I were all in the same graduating class. Plus, my husband's best friend.
Best friend's name is something like "John Smith". Very common. He was very popular in HS. Super nice guy, stood out in a crowd- if you didn't know him you certainly knew of him. Even in a massive school.
So anyway, the 20 yr reunion rolls around, my sister is the only one who wanted to go. She called right after, very upset. Apparently there was a huge memorial wall for John Smith, who had just died! None of us knew! Awful.
My husband was like, huh. But we just saw him? Called him up and was like "Hey dude, are you dead?" No. Not dead. Surprised, but not dead.
Anyway it turned out the much less popular other John Smith was the one who died. They made a lovely memorial for the wrong guy, who was forgotten totally.
We still run into people to this day who see him and are like "Hey... aren't you supposed to be dead?!"
Someone told me, "You're not a failure, be yourself!" And so when I went and proudly told them what I was doing these days (working a $9.25/hr job, going back to school, having gotten life together in a rehab and back on track, I was proud!) they all pitied me and one dude tried to give me money. It made me feel bad about my current progress. I hate people.
This guy slammed some warn Natty Light during beer pong, then held his wrist up to this mouth as if it were coming back up, and then he projectile vomited. The best part is that all of it somehow SHOT forcefully from his fingers like Spiderman and we WEBBED everyone on that side of the room with vomit. It was full of cooked onions. It was amazing.
Someone confessed to me that I was his “dream girl” with his fiancée as his date to the reunion. I barely knew the guy in high school. Unfortunately for his fiancé, she didn’t know anyone there and he refused to leave with her. He drunkenly said “I’m not leaving with her, I’m leaving with you” to me. I told her to text me when their car was outside. Then, I whispered “let’s go” in his ear, walked him out, and put him in her car. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he realized who was driving and I said “yeah, that’s how tonight is going to end.”
People couldn't really handle the simple string of emojis:
It's an intense nostalgia hit, that's for sure.
It could even spark a double-denim comeback.
