"We don’t laugh because we’re happy, we are happy because we laugh."
-William James
If you're looking for laughs, look no further. This list is funny as heck! Even if you hate mornings, these wacky memes are guaranteed to boost your mood and brighten your day.
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However, her reputation lately has been under harsh criticism as former employees and other people who have simply interacted with her have shared stories on Twitter of her not-so-generous personality. A waitress even claimed Ellen complained about her chipped nail polish? Yikes...
First, there was this thread that is so full of steaming, hot Ellen tea it's hard to believe this is the same person who is constantly preaching kindness...
Some people were quick to recall that time she basically bullied Dakota Johnson during an interview:
Now, the show is under investigation by WarnerMedia after allegations of racism and an overall toxic work culture were revealed. Complaints from former employees included: people being fired after taking medical leave or time off for a death, a Black employee experiencing racist comments from a senior staff member, and other staffers being told they can't speak directly to DeGeneres. Perhaps Ellen is not actually the dancing preacher of puppies and sunshine she claims to be? And now even she wants out...
After rumors unfurled this weekend about James Corden being a possible replacement for Ellen, people on Twitter immediately began firing off amazing Ellen-related roast jokes. A parody account was even made:
Do you understand the meaning of the word "mansplaining," or do you need me to define it for you? Mansplaining is one of the internet's favorite forms of casual misogyny, in which men who raised to believe that their penis imbues them with intellectual superiority assume that women aren't smart or capable and explain things to them that they already know.
Every woman has a mansplaining story, and Twitter user Priscilla kicked off a thread of women discussing the times that they were condescended to for having a feeble ladybrain.
It's same to assume that the women are fortunate enough to have homes can probably recognize their homes.
recently, a coworker of mine tried to breakdown the entire cast/crew of BLACK PANTHER (2016) which i, as a film school graduate, have seen multiple times & actually have written a paper on. despite me saying “i know” multiple times, he continued to explain 🙃pic.twitter.com/thAUGBFNH8
— brit wigintton (@britwigintton) August 2, 2020
The phrase "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" doesn't take in to account the potential damage inflicted by a particularly vicious insult or burn. But while words can be used as a weapon, they can also be a very effective shield. There's no better way to put an adversary in their place than responding to their insult or burn with a witty, perfectly-timed comeback.
You may want to keep these in your back pocket should you ever need them.
1.) From RedIguanaLeader:
A friend in highschool on our way to a track meet. He was staring at a car in the parking that was really nice. When this dbag saw him.
Dbag: “why bothering looking at that when you know you’ll never be able to get one?”
My friend: “the same reason you watch porn”
The entire bus erupted and it’s still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.
2.) From ItsTime4you2go:
A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine, that people are talking behind his back. In fact, that wasn’t the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: „Well you know what the say about you? Nothing, nobody f*cking cares.“
3.) From emzirek:
Overheard by me, the school bus driver, one fifth grade student was belittling a first grader. When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, "Congratulations!"
The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus.
4.) From BiffDebris:
Joe Pyne interviewing Frank Zappa
Joe: "I guess your long hair makes you a woman."
FZ: "I guess your wooden leg makes you a table."
5.) From seahawk2020:
Many, many years ago, when we were about 18, a friend of mine was arguing with another person we knew. This person was trying to be a badass and intimidate my buddy. He says"my feet are registered". Without missing a beat my friend replies"Where? Health & Sanitation?". Forty years later I still crack up at this when it comes to mind.
For clarification:
He meant that he was an expert martial artist who had to register with law enforcement because his feet were lethal. In reality, they were. But only because he stunk from infrequent bathing
6.) From Doc_Jack_Bright:
So there was 2 girls fighting and one of them looks at my sister who was minding her own busyness and says: you go to hell too!
My sister:do you want me to say anything to your mom?
7.) From wabixx:
I asked my mother why she always wears makeup despite being in her 40s.
She told me she wears makeup so she doesn’t look like me
Edit: I was 9
8.) From p38-lightning:
A guy makes fun of his bald friend by rubbing his head and saying, "Wow, your head is as smooth as my wife's bottom." The friend also rubs his head and says, "Wow - you're right."
9.) From Nutella_Zamboni:
English class in Middle School
Kid A - "yo, Kid B, your mama waited on me at McDonalds last night. Must feel like shit having a mom that works at McDonalds"
Kid B- " at least MY mom gets out of bed to go to work"
English teacher far louder than he realized "DAYUM!"
The rest of us were laughing so hard, the teacher next door popped her head in to see what was going on...
10.) From bunnykins74:
"If you weren't so stupid what would you be?" Asks the husband. The wife replies, without even skipping a beat. "Single"
11.) From sourdoh3631:
Someone yelled out in a Walmart , “I’m not ashamed of who I am”. Another voice echoed back, “that’s your parents job”
12.) From mister_clyde:
Definitely a great comeback, but not to an insult, more to an annoyance.
I was a camp counselor for a few years at a summer camp. One day my group took a hike to a large rock where we had lunch. My campers were between 8 and 10 years old.
This one kid we'll call Jeff keeps poking another kid we'll call Matt in my group to "look at this hole in the rock, it's so cool, it's like 6 inches deep" and the other kid is clearly getting annoyed just trying to eat his lunch. He keeps shoving sticks into the hole and trying to get everybody to look at it.
Finally Matt just puts down his sandwich, looks at Jeff, and goes "I'll be six inches deep in your mom later if you don't shut up."
I was trying so hard to be stern with this kid for saying something so inappropriate but I kept cracking up, it was just such a disproportionately ridiculous thing to say coming from a 9 year old.
13.) From heathenbeast:
On a construction site one afternoon, different trades were working in the same area. Like silly team sports, the sparkies always hang with the sparkies and the turd wranglers always hang with the turd wranglers and anytime they’re together it turns into a pointless dick-measuring contest (usually not literally)!
One particularly childish exchange saw two men chopping back and forth- my dick biggest, blah blah blah. Finally one of em spits out this classic:
“I’ve got girth like a can of corn!”
And the clap back was unforgettable:
“But you’ve got length like a can of tuna!”
Everyone busted up. Mister girth tried to hide his embarrassment, but was tied-up. No come-back. And a room of men laughing uncontrollably.
Good times...
14.) From HemiJones:
“What are you looking at?”
“I’m still trying to find out.”
15.) From FoggyTaintForest:
Chelsea Handler told Russell Brand: “the way you are looking at me makes me wants to cover my vagina.”
He replied “Ma’am if I had a rubber glove, I’d do it for you.”
Crowd burst into laughter and she even acknowledged “that was good”
16.) From gayestofborg:
Lol my mom was a librarian and pulled this one on a rude patron.
"Are you getting smart with me?"
"Would you be able to tell?"
17.) From WotanMjolnir:
Glenn McGrath (Aussie cricketer) got frustrated with Eddo Brandes as his every attempt to stump Brandes failed. This is what happened next:
McGrath: "Why are you so fat?"
Brandes: "Because every time I f*ck your wife, she gives me a biscuit!"
18.) From _Goose_:
Quiet guy in my art class got called queer bait.
He replied with “If I’m the bait then you’re the catch of the day”
19.) From PMYOURBOOBOVERFLOW:
I've been called worse things by better people.
20.) From contemplatedidiot:
Me: We should learn from our mistakes!
My friend: So that's why you have a younger sister?
21.) From Difference_in_Shades:
One of my co-workers was cold-calling customers, trying to get appointments to drum up business. One of them told him to, "go f*ck his hand," and he responded with "I've got that penciled in for 3. I should be done by 4 if you'd like to come in for an appointment then?" The guy laughed his ass off, and ended up coming in for the appointment.
22.) From ermghoti:
My grandparents used to bicker. My grandmother generally came out on top, as she was fierier. One time though, she was asking him to do a bunch of stuff, and he muttered
"If you'd lose some weight, you could do it yourself."
She fixed her gaze on him, and glowered "I'm thinking of getting rid of about 200 lbs of useless fat immediately..."
He replied "You're going to cut off your foot?"
23.) From IDKHow2UseThisApp:
My grandma asked my cousin, who'd had lots of partners and 2 kids at this point, if she was ever going to get married.
Cousin: It's not the same nowadays. We don't buy cars without test driving them first.
Grandma: Yeah. But they don't let you put a hundred thousand miles on them either.
Point goes to Granny.
24.) From Jaci_D:
in middle school a boy asked when I was going to grow some boobs. So I asked him when he was donating his......
I'm still really proud of that one
25.) From themanyfaceasian:
The greatest comeback I witnessed was when KumailNanjiani was on mean tweets and someone asked Is your dick multiple colors? And he said Yes, every shade of your mom’s lipstick.
26.) From TannedCroissant:
It was a exchange between 2 co-workers a few years back, basically a slut shaming gone wrong. Person A had only ever slept with one person, their previous boyfriend that they were still obsessed with. Person B was the opposite and would bang a different person every week.
Person A: “I can’t believe how many people you’ve slept with, I don’t understand how people can have sex with someone they aren’t in love with”
Person B: “Well your ex-boyfriend seemed to manage it okay”
27.) From The2500:
Was out with a friend who was wearing a silly outfit. Someone came up and said "Why are you wearing that, it's not Halloween!" He replied with "Then why don't you take off that hideous mask?"
Honesty is the best policy, but that doesn't make it the easiest or most accepted policy. Much of the time, there's an unspoken understanding that when someone asks for your opinion, you give them the censored version that they want to hear.
But occasionally the gloves have to come off, so the truth can come out.
AITA for telling my mom that I don't think she should have another baby because she wasn't a good mom to me?
My parents split last year. My mom is now dating a new guy and she's hinted for a while that they might have a baby together. Last week she told me that they were thinking of starting to try soon and asked me how I felt about it. She asked it in a way that made me feel like she was looking for a response like "oh that's great you should definitely have a baby." I couldn't think of a good way to express how I felt without hurting her feelings so I said I wasn't sure. I didn't expect her to ask me again, but yesterday she asked me the same question.
I had a chance to think about it more since she asked the first time, and I decided to give her my honest answer since she asked what I thought. I told her that I thought it was a bad idea because she wasn't a good mother to me growing up and I was concerned about the baby having to deal with the same things I did.
I don't hate my mom or dislike her. We get along okay now, but I don't think she is a good mother. She is more like a casual friend.
When I was little she basically did nothing with me. She always let my dad play with me and take care of me. He did almost everything for me. I can only remember a few times where we did anything together as mother-daughter. I was little but even at that age I could sense that she didn't really care about me and wasn't interested in my life. I would always beg her to come to my school events, and she would promise that she would, but she never did. I think she may have attended two out of dozens and dozens I had. She'd apologize and then promise to do better next time but never did.
But still, the positive relationship evolution doesn't mean OP thinks her mom is equipped to raise another child.
Eventually, I stopped inviting her to things because I knew she wouldn't come. Then when I was nine she left my dad and me and moved in with another guy for a few months before coming back. Nothing really changed after she came back. I still wasn't a priority, but as I got older it was easier to accept and it didn't bother me as much. I knew by that point she wasn't reliable so I stopped expecting anything from her.
Things did get a little better once I got more independent and I didn't need her to take care of me. She was okay to be around as a friend since I could take care of myself. I just think she didn't have much interest in raising a child.
It was a weird situation because it was like I was raised by a single father even though my parents were married and my mother lived with us.
My answer was not what she wanted to hear so she got mad and accused me of trying to sabotage her life. She thinks I am an a*shole for telling her my opinion instead of confirming that I thought it was a good idea.
At this point, I honestly don't care what she does because it won't affect me, but I worry about my sibling and them having to survive the same. I don't know if her boyfriend would care, but I have thought of telling him the same so that he knows if he has a baby with her he is probably going to end up being a single father.
NTA. Don’t ask for an opinion if you can’t accept the answer. Sounds like you’re right and she doesn’t need to be having any more kids.
I definitely don’t think you’re the a*shole! It takes a lot of courage to be able to do that kind of thing and it’s technically super responsible on your part bc you’re looking out for just the IDEA of a child.
I’d tell my mom the same thing. Only we know how they f*cked us up.
NTA - she asked, you answered honestly. Don’t ask if you don’t want to know the answer. And I’m pretty sure she must have hurt herself with that reach - “Sabotaging” her life? Really? She’s a grown woman and doesn’t have to listen to you. Your opinion, although most likely correct, ultimately has no bearing on what she does or doesn’t do.
NTA, you were honest and I think talking to her bf about your opinion would be a good idea.
Babies are not toys or plushies, you can't get them cause they look cute and then just abandon them.
NTA, you're nicer than I would have been. Sounds like your Dad is a good guy, I'd like to hear his opinion on this. Also don't ever let her make feel like you're sabotaging her life, if you were doing that you would sit down with her boyfriend and tell him all the reasons he shouldn't have a kid with this woman.
It feels clear that OP wasn't in the wrong by telling her mom the truth, the question left at hand is how her mom's boyfriend will respond to some real talk.
It's no secret that being a parent isn't easy. Especially in the midst of a pandemic. Which is why moms are using Instagram and TikTok to share their favorite "mom hacks" with other parents who might benefit from these helpful tips, tricks, and time-savers.
1.) This hack to help avoid accidents while changing a baby's diaper:
2.) This hack to encourage kids to make their own breakfasts:
3.) This laundry hack for parents with multiple kids:
4.) This genius bottle scrubber hack:
5.) This hack to get kids to wash their hands for 20 seconds:
6.) This oatmeal bath hack if your child has a rash:
7.) How to use their onesie to secure a baby's arms while changing their diaper:
8.) This "self-serve fridge" hack:
9.) How to preserve paper money in your kids' board games:
8.) How to prevent your kid from taking off their diaper at night:
9.) How to make a teething ring out of a washcloth:
10.) How to make it easier to carry your child's car seat:
11.) Burping hack:
12.)
13.) How to turn an old gum container into a crayon carrying case:
14.) Sunburn relief hack:
15.) How to make edible bath paint:
16.) How to make smoothie popsicles that kids won't even realize are healthy:
17.) How to help babies or toddlers who have a hard time falling asleep at night:
18.) Gratitude hack:
Even your one friend who has been thriving in quarantine with their new six-pack set of abs, quarantine puppy, and fully self-renovated DIY house decorated in pandemic puzzles probably isn't having the year they expected. We're all doing our best to keep local case numbers down to protect ourselves and others, which means wearing a mask and staying six feet away from others until there's a vaccine. Some days it feels like it's still March and we haven't communicated with a fellow human in decades, but here we are. What are "pants?" How many Zoom happy hour invitations can you decline before your friends start to worry?
Phone notifications are a blessing when we want a quick preview of what messages are coming our way, but they can provide their own form of panic when a graphic message pops up while someone else is scanning your phone.
There's nothing quite like the feeling of your gut hitting the floor after your mom accidentally reads a graphic sext from your partner, or the guy at the Apple store catches wind of an embarrassing inside joke, but many of us have been there.
I was showing my mum some cake ideas for my wife's 30th that I was considering. My wife texted me and my mum (for unknown reasons) got a full view of my wife's poon with the caption "guess what you're eating for dessert tonight?"
I tried to grab my phone back, and my mum went back to browsing cakes without skipping a beat. As I was leaving my mum thought it would be funny to ask "Would you like 2nd dessert tonight, because I have a trifle in the fridge?"
I nearly died of shame.
I was ordering food off of doordash on my exes phone when she got a text from guy saying he couldn't wait to see her that weekend. She told me she was going to see her mom.
This happened to my friend, I sent him a text of a wet cat and said look at this wet Pussy, while my other friend's mom was holding his phone. She just awkwardly gave him his phone back.
While my friend was using my phone, my mom texted me "Remember not to have sex with Thomas, he has chlamydia."
A couple of years ago met a guy from Tinder in a pub for our first date. Things were going well, we were having a laugh and flirting. After about an hour I took out my phone to show him a funny meme and up popped a notification from my new period tracking app saying "Today's the day! You're ovulating!"
I swiped it real quick and I don't think he got a good look at it but I was still worried he'd think I was some child-obsessed weirdo who timed my dates so random Tinder guys could impregnate me. I turned off ovulation notifications after that.
Edit: and I was the sender once when I text my friend who was planning to break up with her bf "hope you're ok, how did Gary take the break up?" When Gary was using her phone and hadn't yet been broken up with. Sorry Gary.
Showing my aunt a pic when a text saying “I’d f*ck the sh*t out of machine gun Kelly”’appeared. We both pretended we didn’t see it and quickly started talking about something else.
Years ago I was working at an Apple store as a Genius (technician) and was helping an older woman with her phone. This woman had to be in her late 60s early 70s, as sweet as could be, and was having some minor issues with her phone, I think it was battery life or something.
So she hands me her phone, and just as she does a message pops up with a picture of a toilet full of sh*t and the message reads “how many times do I have to tell you to flush the f*cking toilet?!”
Not knowing really what to do I just hand it back to her and tell her she has a message. She takes the phone, half smiles, closes the message and hands it back saying, “sorry about that sweetheart, my daughter can be a bit of a b*tch.”
I was the one doing the sending. I moved to Japan a couple of years ago and early one morning I was at a market and saw a tanuki statue that had the full cock'n'balls on display. I took a picture of it and thought it would be funny to send my brother a message reading "UNSOLICITED DICK PIC!" then send a pic of the tanuki statue.
Little did I know, halfway around the world, my brother was doing some late evening car shopping. He had recently been in an accident that had totaled his car and was in the market for a new one. He had handed the car salesman his phone so he could show the guy the pics of the damage to his car and the guy was looking through them when the words "UNSOLICITED DICK PIC!" popped up on the screen. My brother said the guy nearly dropped the phone trying to shove it back in his hands.
Not my notification but I sent to my best girl friend “you’re right, future husband’s dad is weird. And a little racist”. And her future husband saw the text. Luckily he laughed and agreed with me. But I was so embarrassed that he saw it.
Other way around: I was holding ex-husband’s phone while he was driving me and the kids to the airport. Text comes in from a “work colleague” asking if we’d left yet.
It was then that I realised the marriage was over.
Border patrol had my phone and my buddy sent me a text in which he jokingly said something like, "what makes you think they'll let you in this time?" or something like that.
A friend we'll call Bob.
Bob, some friends, and I went out one night to watch a show in town. Afterwards, we decided to go get some drinks and decided to carpool.
Bob's phone was dying so he asked if he could charge it on the way over with the car charger. While it was charging, it had apparently connected to the car's speaker system and, without a warning, the car read a new text message out loud to all of our surprise:
"Hey baby, it's been a long time since you came in my mouth. How about we hook up tonight so I can taste that juice again?"
Needlessly to say, he was mortified and the rest of us rolled with laughter on our way to the bar.
My SIL was staying with me for a week, which I wasn’t stoked about. My sister knew about it and messaged me “How are you dealing with (SIL’s name)? Do you need to pretend to have a nap again lol?”
Unfortunately, my SIL was borrowing my tablet at the time and saw the notification pop up. She hasn’t stayed with us since.
My friend made this fake account on Twitter and followed me exactly at the time my teacher had taken my phone away. The notification read @analfister6969 has followed you.
"Gonna f*ck your a*s so hard tonight, love <3"
Sorry for you having to see that, mother.
I was showing my grandma some pictures. She chuckled a bit and quickly handed me back my phone. I looked at it and saw that my boyfriend (now husband) had texted me saying "I hate it when I'm pooping and my dick touches the water. Big dick problems." We laughed about it, but my husband is still horrified by the thought of my grandma knowing about his "big dick problems."
My boyfriend and I send each other sh*t randomly during the day like "FedEx me that pecker" or "flap them tits my way."
I was showing my mom something on my phone once and he sends "gonna slap u with my dick tonight."
Story apps can give really interesting ones.
My favorite that popped up while my boyfriend was holding my phone was something like, "Mike misses you! Come back and play!" Or something like that.
Of course, all he did was pull the drop-down menu down to see the full notification and laugh.
He teased me about it for hours.
Imagine my conservative 15-year-old little brother's face when my bf texted "I'll destroy your p*ssy" while we were watching some stupid goat on youtube.
Chatting to a guy in a bar, handed him my phone so he could type his number in. At that moment a message pops up from my friend sat several tables away saying “shag him.”
As humans, we can do a lot of damage to one another. So it's refreshing and heartwarming to hear stories of people helping out a stranger in their time of need, or performing a random act of kindness. These good deeds can potentially transform or save someone's life; and beyond that, they can create a ripple effect, inspiring the person on the receiving end to pay it forward by helping someone else. It's a reminder that even small acts of kindness can have infinite positive consequences.
1.) From aphrodite_whities:
I was 14 and two girlfriends and I had gone to the theatre in my neighbourhood to see Ghost Rider (my first mistake, I know). We had gone to the 10pm show, so it let out around midnight. It's the only large theatre in the area so it's always filled with moviegoers, but there is very little staff and the hallways are deserted when any movies are in progress. This is all especially true for the late night shows.
When our movie finished, my friends went to the bathroom, as is necessitated by the female movie theatre ritual, and I elected to wait out in the secondary lobby.
That was probably my second mistake.
This theatre, due to its lack of staff, often has more people sneaking into the theatre than people paying for tickets. It is very, very easy to simply waltz in through a side door when another person is walking out.
I was the only one in the hallway which made me a target for an extremely large, homeless/cracked-out-looking 40+ year old black man (only relevant because I'm pale as fuck and he could not pass as my dad). He was built like a truck.
Generally I'm extremely outgoing and can talk with strangers easily; however, the moment I noticed this fellow approaching, an overwhelming sense of fear washed over me and my brain kept telling me to get out of there fast. My naive 14-year-old self decided to stay where I was, thinking: "There's no way in hell anything bad could happen to me since I'm obviously invincible to the world. Bad shit only happens in the news. Don't judge a book by its cover, aphrodite_whities! He's probably a lovely guy."
He approached and asked me if I had any cigarettes. I said no and that I didn't smoke, when he suddenly reached out and grabbed my hand. He stood there shaking my hand saying how he was just dying for a cigarette, increasing his deathgrip every time I tried to pull my hand away. He kept closing the distance between us while strangling my hand and eventually he had me backed into a corner, all the while he keeps fiddling around with something in his pocket (I don't know what it was; he never took that hand out of his pocket the entire time). He kept saying how he wasn't even there to see a movie, just wanted some cigarettes. He was insistent that we go get cigarettes and kept trying to steer me towards the side door.
I was so scared that I was probably on the brink of pissing myself. I looked to see if anyone was around, only to notice my two friends standing outside the bathroom door -- not doing anything while this man was forcing his body onto mine in a public place. They were the only people around and they were just standing there. Understandably, they later said they were confused as to what was happening and didn't know what to do.
Thankfully, a movie lets out right in front of where the man has me trapped.
Every single person passed by without so much as a second glance. Shit, I thought, I'm gonna get kidnapped. This man wouldn't take his eyes off of mine for a second, and pushed his chest against mine every time I looked around for help. I was too afraid to yell.
Suddenly, a group of three guys (probably only around 15 or 16 years old) came straggling out of the theatre. They didn't notice me at first, but just as they were rounding the corner out of the lobby, one of them turned around and stared at me oddly. He mouthed "do you need help?", and I nodded as discreetly as I could.
The guy came running up and threw his arm around my shoulders, saying things along the lines of "thanks for waiting, babe. You ready to go? That was a great movie, huh? I'm glad we went in the end. Who's this guy?!" The man instantly lets go of my hand, keeping his other hand in his pocket, and backs away quickly, mumbling how he just wanted a cigarette, and then he ran out of the emergency exit at the back of the lobby.
My guy escorted me outside, and I was in such a state of shock that I think I just hugged him and ran away to my mom who had been waiting in the parking lot. I had been so sure that no one was going to help me, not even my friends, and in such a moment of panic I was really not thinking straight enough to follow the steps I should have (i.e. yell for help).
Ever since, I've made an effort to make sure I'm aware of my surroundings just in case someone needs help but can't ask. Haven't "saved" anyone yet, but only time will tell! The extent of my "paying it forward" is saving girls from bad situations at the bar, nothing heroic yet, but hopefully I'll be able to help someone out when they really need it.
So, Reddit, what has a stranger done for you that made you want to pay it forward?
TL;DR: 14yo me didn't go to the bathroom after a movie, ended up wanting to piss my pants while being harassed by a man in the lobby. Random guy pretended to be my boyfriend, scaring off the creep and potentially saving my life.
2.) From [deleted]:
A good samaritan pulled my unconscious body out of my flaming car wreck, waited for the ambulance to arrive, then disappeared. I will never know who saved my life, but rarely a day goes by that I don't think about them.
3.) From webwipe:
19 years old, incredibly sketch looking (long hair, beard, piercings, the works) and I was with my best friend on a trip to New York from Vancouver, Canada. We were staying in Times Square but we went to a concert in Long Island and ended up taking really late transit home.
Enter the crackheads. A man and a woman clearly addicted to drugs get on the train and sit across from my scrawny pale friend and my equally scrawny white self and start to inexplicably pick a fight with us, accusing us of making fun of them or something, I don't know, probably just an excuse to beat the shit out of us and maybe take whatever we have on us. The man becomes physically threatening when out of nowhere, an exceptionally large (probably 400 pounds+) black man with a thick New York accent says "Out of the way, fatty needs a seat" to me, temporarily defusing the situation. He then proceeds to pull jawbreakers out of his pocket and hands them to my friend and I while telling a story of the jawbreakers he used to steal from kids at school. When the crackhead gets beligerant again, the huge dude instantly changes the topic to his current bodyguard job and tells stories of smashing people's faces into cement walls and putting bad people into the hospital. The crackhead shut the fuck up and got his girlfriend off of the train at the next stop, and we rode the rest of the way back to the hotel with this awesome dude talking about our favourite candies and the fastest ways to get to the center of a jawbreaker. Very welcoming first night in New York!
TL;DR:Crackhead threatens me, out of towner, on Subway. Massive black bodyguard feeds me candy, protects me from crackhead.
4.) From beliefinphilosophy:
When I was younger I had abusive parents, like really abusive parents, one night in the middle of a snowstorm they threw me outside in the snow with no shoes or socks and in a tshirt. It was freezing cold. I was wandering around the neighborhood behind the houses because I was too embarassed.
Suddenly, a neighbor of mine, (17ish) was sitting on his window smoking and looking at the snow. He saw me, asked what the hell I was doing, I just gave him this look and he leaned out his window, grabbed me by the arms and hauled me up into his window. He gave me some blankets and let me sit there in the warmth for awhile and we just small talked and he put on a movie. A little while later my mother came by, saw him and asked if he had seen me. He instantly, without hesitating told her no, and watched until she left before helping me back home.
At the time, it was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for me, the only person who had ever protected me from my abusive parents. Since then I've always been doing my best to help my friends and acquaintances from their abusive families or relationships.
TL;DR It can feel so alone being in an abusive situation, and the feeling of having someone protect you never goes away. Pay that shit forward.
5.) From [deleted]:
I actually did that same thing for a girl at a bar once because some really drunk dude was trying to drag her out the back door into the alley. The kicker here is that I'm also a chick (straight and married) but I know what it looks like when a girl is in trouble. I was heading to the back where the bathrooms were and saw her struggling with this slobbering dude. She also seemed like she was too scared to scream or really put up a fight so I went up, grabbed her hand, pulled her towards me and palmed the guy hard in the diaphragm. Since he was so drunk, he immediately fell over. The girl gave me a full body hug and ran in the opposite direction towards a bouncer. Dude got immediately "escorted" out and into the hands some nearby cops. Apparently this wasn't the first time this guy had done this to random girls at the bars but hopefully it was his last.
6.) From mlephotographe:
I was in a foreign country so I didn't have a car and it was a weekend of a public holiday so there was very little public transportation. A friend and I had gone to explore the city managed to walk quite a distance from our hotel. While we were out, over an hour away, it started raining harder than I remember seeing. It was gorgeous when we left, but ridiculously cold and rainy on the way back. My buddy had brought a coat, but I was in a t-shirt. A lady walking down the street towards us with her umbrella stopped me and insisted I take her umbrella. I tried to refuse, but she insisted, telling me that her place was just around the corner. I was already drenched, but it sure did help to walk the remaining several miles with an umbrella instead just my t-shirt. I try to pay it forward by being generous whenever I have something I don't need. Rather than just repaying the one event, I want to be the kind of person that lady was.
7.) From [deleted]:
I was an exchange student in Japan. My friends and I were visiting Kobe for the weekend. Of the three of us, I spoke the most Japanese, but even that was intermediate-level at the very best.
Predictably, we got lost. It was late and cold and we had nowhere to stay (hadn't booked a room or anything). We were passing a karaoke place. It's pretty common for someone to be standing outside of these places yelling about deals and shoving flyers at you. We were so desperate at this point that I asked the guy for help finding a place to stay. He tried to describe a place but even though I could understand most of what he said, we didn't have a map, smartphones or know any street names, so his directions were useless.
The guy paused, looked around and then started running, waving for us to follow. He personally led three foreigners who had no intention of spending money at his karaoke place through the streets at night, apparently at great risk to himself because he seemed absoutely panicked about getting back to his job quickly - even though he took us right to the door of a place where we could stay. We collected every yen we had and shoved it at the guy, but he threw up his hands, seemed aghast and wouldn't accept a dime (figuratively speaking).
I encountered some racist shit in Japan, but this guy made up for all of it. tl;dr: Guy put his job on the line to help a bunch of foreigners gibbering at him in awful, broken Japanese.
8.) From BAM225:
When I was getting off the bus in High School. Some D-bag decided he didn't want to wait behind the bus so he tried passing on the left. I should have been hit, but right before some guy getting into his car whistled at me. I stopped and turned around to see who it was. That gesture probably saved me from being destroyed.
9.) From synthesizerToady:
One grocery week when I was in college I had my card declined. This was a bit of a problem as the kitchen was entirely out of food and I wasn't going to be payed for another week. It was a really awkward being at the front of the line with $100 worth of groceries having a hasty conversation with my girlfriend about how we were going to deal with this. Well the guy behind us in line offered to pay for our groceries. I tried to talk him down but he insisted and I was feeling really awkward holding up the line. I thanked him profusely and he told me word for word "Just pay it forward if you ever get the chance."
Ever since I've been jamming a dollar or two into every donation box I see, tipping an extra 5%, giving my change to the homeless and otherwise looking for opportunities to 'Pay it Forward'
10.) From Sykotik:
I was 15 and I owned a moped. It was late and raining and this car did not see me as it turned left across my lane. I was t-boned going about 30mph. The car hit me right in my left thigh and my upper body hit and rebounded off of the hood, I flew maybe 20 feet before hitting the pavement. My left thigh snapped in two when the car hit me. I'm laying on the ground screaming for help when this guy comes up and kneels down with a knee on either side of my head so I can't move it around. He does his best to keep me calm and keep the rain off of me until the EMS guys show up and put me in traction and take me to the hospital. During that time the guy is asking me my name and address, making sure I'm coherent. After they took me away he drove to my parents house and informed them that I was in an accident and mostly okay and that they should go to the hospital to see me. He wanted to make sure they got there as soon as possible and thought it would be less jarring than the police showing up at their door. I never got a chance to thank him either but I think about him and his kindness from time to time. I hope one day I can do something similar for someone in distress.
tl;dr: Hit by a car, random man sits with me and then tells my parents what happened.
11.) From Kijafa:
In middle school I went to my first dance. I was so terrified to ask a girl to dance, I just felt so awkward. Then one of my female classmates, her name was Mary, came and asked me to dance. She said she could tell I wasn't having fun, and wanted to help me enjoy myself. It turned the whole experience around, and I was so happy. I felt so much better about myself after that.
From that point onwards I always try to make dances/parties/shindigs fun for someone who looks miserable. It doesn't have to be a girl, I'll try and strike up a conversation with anyone. Once someone starts feeling at ease, they usually loosen up and start enjoying themselves. It doesn't always work, but I always give it a shot.
12.) From [deleted]:
My SO at the time has a decent walk from the subway every night. On her way home she notices these 2 sketchy dudes following her. She hopes that she is just paranoid, but nonetheless continues to walk at a faster pace and she barely has time to look back a second time that one of the guys has grabbed her purse strap and the other has her grocery bags.
She starts yelling at the top of her lungs... From across the street, second floor she hears " hey you f*ckers, what the f*ck you doing, imma f*ck you guys up!!!"
Out runs this shoe-less, shirtless, long-haired metal head with an electric guitar that he is swinging like Conan the barbarian... (Two-handed-overhead-helicopter-swings, would be the best decription).
And he is screaming like Braveheart or something similar... The two "thugs" must have seen the "crazed" look in this guys eyes but they bolted real fast!
Upon my GF's return home, she explains what had happened. I had to go and thank this guy in person and shake his hand for beeing bad-ass and avoiding what I assume could've been a tragedy.
We actually became friends and went to see a couple live gigs together. (Lamb Of God and Parkway Drive).
I have since done many good deeds with this "chivalrous" story in mind and I look forward to my chance to threaten to beat someone with a Guitar :)
13.) From pamplemoussent:
my first weekend of college, my friends and i ended up at a party in an apartment. i made a dumb move and took a drink from a guy i'd just met - a few minutes later i was sitting on the stairs starting to fall asleep. a nice jewish boy (wearing a yarmelke) saw that something was wrong with me, gave his number to my roommate and walked me home. he said that he recognized what was happening to me as a sign of a possible date rape drugging, and he didn't want me to be a victim because it had happened to his sister.
TL;DR i got drugged at a party and a nice jewish boy walked me home
14.) From [deleted]:
Mine sounds ridiculous but this bloke genuinely saved my life.
I was very young, probably about 4 or 5 and my parents were about to take me out on my first tricycle. I was sat just outside the gate to my house waiting for my parents when I had a scumbag brain moment:
"Hey Rael," my brain said, "yo Mr Mozo, you should totally just lift up your feet. Just lift them up!"
I did. I should probably mention that my house is on a very steep hill which leads directly down to a very busy road. It might also help to mention that the wee tricycle had no brakes of any kind. So pretty soon I was shooting down the hill like nobodies business. Straight towards the road. I was too frightened to even think straight. My parents were running after me screaming "Put your feet down!" but I was going too fast. I couldn't hear them and they couldn't keep up with me.
Just a few metres from the road, a builder (I think he was a builder but it was a while ago) was loading up his van. He looked up and saw me. Without a word he gracefully strode onto the pavement and as I passed he swiftly and elegantly reached out, grabbed me and lifted me from the tricycle which then rolled over. He set me down on the ground, closed his van, jumped into the front and drove off. Neither me nor my parents ever got to thank him.
TLDR: Anonymous builder lifts me, soiled pants and all, from possessed tricycle headed for certain fairly probable quite likely possible death or at least mild injury then disappears into the night in the middle of the day.
15.) From Warlizard:
Met a guy on the train to East Germany. We ended up partying the night away, becoming good friends, and I spent Christmas with him, his family, and his ridiculously hot GF.
That was the last good meal I had before we deployed to the Gulf.
I remember being blown away by how gracious and kind his parents were toward me. Plus, he bought me a "New Kids on the Block" Christmas album. It was such a catastrophically poor gift but the thought was there.
So now I always invite friends over for holidays, try to go overboard on gifts to friends.
Thanks Thorsten.
16.) From [deleted]:
When I was in college, I was out with some friends at a bar and having too much of a good time. I drank a little bit too much tequila when this creeper guy starts buying the group drinks. We were all a little too fucked up to think of saying no, plus you can woo any broke college kids with free booze. He joined our booth and he put his arm around me at some point. Later on I got up to use the bathroom, and obviously did not notice him following me. As I walked into the restroom, a girl was walking out and presumably saw the guy following me in there as she came in about a minute after with the bouncer, catching the creeper trying to break down the stall door. Creeper got thrown out, and random woman saved the day.
Now, I always make it a point to look out for overly drunk girls at the bar. I've pulled quite a few girls aside to ask them if they were all right, if they were at the bar alone or with friends, and if they knew the guys they were talking to, and put them in cabs if they were not feeling well/creeped out. It may cost me money, but I'd hate to be in their situation without help. My fiance calls me the bardian angel.
17.) From [deleted]:
When I was 22, I was addicted to crack and heroin. My neighbor was an old polish lady who would bang on the wall when I played music to loud. When things got real bad for me, she must have known I was hurting and not eating because she started ringing my bell and giving me sandwiches she'd made, or bags of bagels and containers of soup and stuff. She would sit with me and we would eat together. I never understood a word she said because she spoke really bad english.
She really gave me hope in humanity which is something I desperately needed at the moment. I always remember her.
Also- just celebrated 7 years clean and sober.
It's a tough time for the tourism industry. Not only do borders continue to be closed to contain the coronavirus, but the global economy is circling the toilet bowl. As families are evicted from their homes and small businesses are forced to close their doors forever, it's important remember the people who are really suffering: self-proclaimed "influencers" who want free stuff while they go island-hopping in Greece.
Redditor Chamallow8's family runs a restaurant on a Greek Island...and only needs three possible dads to be living the full Mamma Mia fantasy. Speaking of fantasy, the restaurant gets a lot of inquiries from "influencers" who ask to pay for food not in euros, but in "exposure." "Influencer" is millennial term for "choosing beggar."
Hello! Hope you're well? I recently heard about your restaurant from a friend of mine who mentioned you serve great Greek dishes and vegan options.
Would love yo come here with my friend in exchange for social media tagging.
I've visited Greece quite a few times and one thing I struggle to find is places with veggie and vegan options. Would love to speak about this to my audience. I'll be in Kos from the 18-21 July.
It happens often enough that Chamallow8 has a go-to letter they send to shut the professional Instagrammers down. It appeals to the influencer's conscience (if they have one).
We are very flattered that you chose our restaurant, and we are very sure we will make your dinner memorable.
The last few years we have launched a social responsibility policy with Instagram foodies and influencers.
For every meal we sell to an influencer who posts our dishes on Instagram, we give a meal of the same value for free to someone in need (homeless, refugee, etc.)
In that way we gain publicity from your posts, and you improve your brand image by showing that you return something to the community.
We always post the influencers that join the initiative and they usually receive 100s of positive responces. [sic]
Please let us know your thoughts.
It appears that influencers do not, in fact, have consciences, as the restauranteur explained that all of ZERO people have taken them up on their offer.
"NO ONE has ever accepted to come under this condition. That is, to pay for his food even if I will then offer free food of the same value to people in need. Most of they time they don't even reply and some even delete their original message," they explained.
"Dear influencers: You are just making a fool out of yourselves by trying to create a fake cosmopolitan lifestyle based on begging."
Commenters applauded both the burn and the attempt to get influencers to care about other people.
"Man, asking for a free dinner like that on a Greek Island - in exchange to be tagged in a damn Instagram post? Most of us cannot afford to be this delusional," xoraxos wrote.
"I don’t think I’d ever ask for free food if I were an influencer, but this is an amazing offer on your part and I’d jump at it. Paying for food (which I’d do anyway) and helping someone? Win win," TranslucentKittens added.
"Bro I'm embarrassed to even take a second tissue and these people straight up begging for free food," LordOfBandicoot pointed out.
It's safe to say that if you can afford to travel to a Greek island (multiple times!), you can afford to support a local family business by paying for your vegan sandwich.
Plus, what kind of schmuck would turn down the opportunity to help people in need?
An influencer. That's who.
TikTok, the app that is incredibly popular with dancing teenagers, activitists, comedians, musicians and Millennials hopping on to figure out what it's all about, is usually known for its viral, uplifting and highly entertaining, quick-witted content. Overall, TikTok is a fun social media platform that offers cool editing tools and lip-syncing videos are the reigning genre. Users can split-screen videos with the "duet" feature, share their sound with other users, or respond to comments with a video. According to the New York Times, TikTok is the primary platform used by music executives and talent agents to scout aspiring entertainers.
Sarah Cooper, who has gained a massive following during the quarantine for her hilarious Trump lip-syncing videos might be behind Trump's disdain for the app, according to Vogue. Or, maybe Trump just has a problem with teenagers choregraphing viral arm-movements from their parents' mansions?
Regardless of Trump's reasoning, Twitter had a lot to say about the president's desire to ban the app that has given countless young people their big break in the entertainment business. TikTok influencers won't go down without a fight! So, here are the best tweets about Trump's threat to ban TikTok. Enjoy!
There are times when a mysterious gut instinct kicks in, and you follow it - all reason be damned, only to later fully realize the danger your brain helped you escape. In these instances, it can be incredible to realize just how much our intuition acts as a protective force.
However, there are plenty of times we feel a gut urge and press on despite our body's warning signals. Sometimes escaping is far harder than pressing through the anxiety, and other times we simply don't trust our instincts. Of course, if you stick around long enough you'll find out why that gut feeling cropped up in the first place, and it's usually not great.
In 5th grade my math teacher made me and another girl stay after school. He said we did too well on the test. We must have cheated. I always got a weird feeling around him, but when it was just him and us, he was actually smelling our hair. When I finished my test, he told me to leave.
There was no way that I was going to leave him alone with the other girl. I told him my dad said I had to walk home with the other girl. The teacher said I was lying. I was, but I told him to call my dad and tell my dad that he thought his daughter was a cheater and a liar. My dad was super friendly but built like a grizzly bear. He let me wait for her to finish the test.
I had the opposite happen - something very wrong was happening but I was oblivious, and it worked out great.
My friend and I were buying a quarter pound of weed together. We were getting it from a guy my friend knew, but didn't know very well. We went to his apartment to pick it up.
Now, I'm probably a little bit on the autism spectrum, but because I'm from a time where you only got that diagnosis if you were non-verbal, I was "emotionally retarded" and just taught myself habits to seem normal. One of them is "maintain eye contact even if it makes you uncomfortable." This is important.
When we get there, the seller isn't alone, he's got a couple of kinda scary gangsta-looking guys with him. We sit across the table from them and my friend hands him the money. Then the guy chuckles and says "How about you two just leave the money and the weed here?"
I'm bad on reading people, I just maintain eye contact and imitate what I see as a jocular mood, I laugh and say "I think my friend would rather take the weed with him." The guys look at each other a second, then he says "OK" and gives us the weed.
We leave and I notice my friend is white as a sheet and he says "Those guys were going to rob us!" I thought he was being racist and told him they were just joking around, he shouldn't have worried like that.
"Didn't you see the gun?"
Uh, no. I was focused on maintaining eye contact so I didn't look like an autie. Apparently, the guy had pulled a gun after being handed the money. They thought I laughed at their robbery attempt and called their bluff.
I got invited to a party by some random guy I met outside a club, I went to said "party" with him as I was drunk and thought "Sure, why not?", this entailed going to a run-down house in a Council Estate (the UK equivalent of a Project I guess), to enter the house we had to climb in through a window where there were five people sat in a circle made of half-broken chairs and a moldy couch. After entering the window the guy locked it behind him, it was at this point I instantly felt sober again and realized that something was wrong.
That's when the Crack Cocaine and Heroin came out, a woman who was part of the circle who apparently owned the house started telling a story about how her husband had hung himself in the stairwell, her kids had been taken away and that she kept a sharpened screwdriver under her pillow in case "they" came for her.
I was well past wanting to leave at this point, I didn't have an escape though and my nervousness showed, that's when paranoia set in within the "circle", the guy who had brought me there had become incredibly tense, the slightest noise and he would flip out. He stood by the curtains peeping through mumbling to himself about the police watching him. I had to prove I wasn't wearing a "wire" at this point.
Before long however the drugs began to run out, this made the paranoia be temporarily forgotten. I saw a chance here and said I had money and I could buy more drugs, the guy said he would book a taxi for us to go in.
About 15 minutes later a taxi turned up, he unlocked the window and I jumped out first and slammed it shut behind me, ran as fast as I could towards the taxi, jumped in the front seat and just shouted "DRIVE!, DRIVE!" to the taxi driver who took off down the street and to the safety of home.
Closest I've ever felt to being murdered.
When I was a teenager I was best friends with a girl who had an older brother who had mental health issues. This led to him also drinking a lot and generally being a dick.
One night we were hanging out in her basement and he came home drunk. As soon as I heard him coming down the stairs I knew it was going to be bad.
He walked into the room, looked at us and said “ What are you b*tches doing down here?”
My friend had a big shepherd/ chow mix and the dog immediately got up and stood between him and us growling.
My friend yelled for her dad and that set her brother off. He lunged at her and the dog grabbed him by the arm. Suddenly I was trapped standing on a couch, up against the wall.
Her brother is on the ground kicking at the dog. The dog is clamped down on his arm and not letting go. My friend is next to me screaming for her dad.
Dad rushes in, tries to separate them to no avail. Her Mom had called the cops from upstairs ( not the first time ) and they show up.
I sh*t you not, the second the cops came the dog let go on his own and stood in front of my friend again. Cops arrest her brother and her dad drives me home. I never went over their again unless she could promise me he wouldn’t be there.
I was hiking down a trail and I felt like I was being watched. I've read a lot of stories about people going missing in the woods, so I was hyper-aware of every little thing. Instead of going down this one path, I turned around and walked back. I still felt like I was being watched, so I power up my blue tooth speaker, plug in my hiking mp3, and blast some heavy music. A few minutes later the feeling passes.
A day later I heard someone was attacked by a mountain lion on the trail I was going to hike on.
Not me; my mom. Dad was going to Greece on a golf and gambling trip. He went on these trips occasionally, and always came back a winner. Came home from one with about $5K in 1975. He was packing his suitcase the day before the trip when my mom just straight up told him not to go. His friends had all canceled out for various reasons, so he didn’t know anyone who was going. She’d never done that before; she wasn’t controlling at all. They talked for a minute, and dad got on the phone and canceled. The plane he would have been on crashed into a mountain in Greece. No survivors.
The family all visited my grandparents, and I always took that time to be rowdy outside with my cousin. We played games inside all day until they told us to play outside. Walking around at night with my cousin, we tried to come back to the house and turns out we got locked out, as it was like 12 and they thought we were in bed. We had his yellow lab, Yoshi, walking with us. They lived pretty deep in the country, so his dog was used to coyotes, bears, etc. I got this awful feeling in my chest, mentioned it to my cousin who just said "Yoshi isn't acting weird, so everything is okay!" I trusted that for the most part, but knew Yoshi could outrun us and we really didn't have a house to bolt back into in case something happened.
We kept walking until I nearly tripped on Yoshi who was just frozen and whimpering. Her tail was between her legs, and she was staring at this huge bush. The feeling I had in my gut hadnt left me, and I just panicked and stared into the bush. I heard a rustle and Yoshi started barking like crazy, before growling. My cousin and I took that queue to take off running back towards the house. I heard Yoshi yelp but we kept running.
Whatever it was didn't follow us, and after about 5 minutes Yoshi came running back to us. She didn't have any scratches on her, but it scared the shit out of me. After we calmed down, I remembered my Grandma telling everyone she could have sworn she saw a Mountain Lion in her garden a few days ago. They were in Oklahoma, so no one took that seriously as a Mountain Lion that far into OK was pretty uncommon. A week or so later, it was all over the news that there was a Mountain Lion in the area. It had been hit and killed a few miles from where we were. I am positive that the awful feeling I had was us being stalked.
I was walking home from the library in college and decided to dip into the bar to see friends. It was about midnight/1am when I left the bar, maybe after one drink, put my backpack back on and decided to call my brother who was three hours behind to walk me home. As we were chatting, I was getting into the more residential part of campus. Few people. Dark streets. And a guy starts walking along the other side of the road from me. I just barely notice. It’s a big two lane rd and he was about five feet behind. I sped up, slowed down, and he matched pace.
“[brothers name] I have to get off the phone and call the cops, a guy is following me” I said as loudly as I could.
The guy f*cking SPRINTS away as I hang up on my brother.
Being 20, I then decided it was stupid to call the cops if the guy was already gone, went back to Main Street and found a sober guy, and asked him to walk me home. Luckily, it worked out. My brother called eight times to make sure I was okay.
There was a string of stabbings on campus that semester and I wish to this day I’d called the cops.
My old boss was an...interesting guy. He came from a rough part of town and had a bunch of tattoos that really made him look scary but he was actually a nice guy. I asked him about his massive chest tattoo which led him to a story about his younger brother, John.
John was a pretty gentle guy but he started hanging out with blokes from his home town that weren't exactly right in the head. One night they all hanging around drinking, as they did most nights when one of the blokes breaks out some meth, John politely declines and just continues drinking. The energy was getting really weird, guys breaking windows with their bare fists, bleeding all over the place, verbal abuse being hurled, just an all-round wonderful atmosphere.
At one point someone broke out a tattoo gun and started doing home jobs. John really wanted to leave but couldn't because he was quite drunk so he had to stay. Someone ended up spiking his drink so while he was blacked out one of the guys tattooed a swastika on his forehead.
My cat died.
I was away for a week, in another country. I never usually worry about my pets like that, but two days in I was finding myself thinking about my cat more and more and being increasingly concerned about him. Few days in I was having dreams of me going back home in a rush. Instead, I stayed and thought I was projecting the stress of spending the week in an unknown place with people I didn't know a lot yet, and just missing my cat.
Now that cat had come to me from the street, so whenever I left for a few days that's where he'd spend his time. He would only respond to my call but not my friend's so I had no one to send to check on him. When I finally came home I just rushed to all his spots and called for him.
I did that almost every 2 hours when I was not working, for 3 days, including at night. Found him 3 days later, hardly breathing, but walking. Took him to the vet in a rush. Turns out he had cancer and the tumor pushed against his lungs etc. In the past week, something had broken and was filling his lungs with liquid. Had to put him down. I'm just glad I found him and he didn't die alone on the street.
At a night out with a bunch of guys from my old school, one of us gets in a fight with three guys. I sat back near enough to make sure nothing develops and one of their guys joins me. He strikes up a conversation and very quickly tells me he's a Neo-Nazi, he even showed me his tattoos of a swastika and the Waffen SS emblem. It was very clear why he was telling me this because I happened to be the most Aryan looking person there.
He ended up telling me everything from how he got into the cult-like ideology to all the different minorities that he hates. One of the guys I was with thankfully noticed and gave me an excuse to leave once the situation had calmed down
Altogether a very interesting night.
My Ex-Boyfriend. It had been my first relationship in a while. Early on I started to get the feeling that he was lying about things, but it was only little things. Like he’d say he had some childhood illness, or had ran into Ariana Grande at a coffee shop. I tried to brush off the thought that he was making things up, because who would lie about random things.
I stayed with him another 4 months, then realized he was also lying about drug addiction, stealing my money I was giving him for rent and not paying our bills. So I probably should’ve trusted my gut and left sooner.
I used to work at a theme park as a food and beverage supervisor (this was about 10 years ago).
I knew the place like the back of my hand because I grew up in the area and went a lot as a kid, and had been working there about 3 years.
During the quiet periods of the day we would take it in turns to go for a "cigarette break", our nearest break area was past a nearby rollercoaster. On my way back from one break I stop mid-stride and look down at this coaster going under the path. "That didn't sound right" I think to myself. I check my radio is tuned in, and press on back to my food outlet.
20 minutes pass and I've forgotten about this when there is an almighty thud, the lights flicker and in less time than it took to check the fryer settings were ok my radio lights up, chaos on the waves.
I hear amongst the chaos "Echo 4, code 11, section 8" which roughly translates to "watsis-name, serious incident, emergency service access only, section 8." I respond "Received, on it."
We shut everything down and start redirecting customers around the area, that rollercoaster had crashed, 2 people died and 3 are now permanently disabled.
That turned out to be a rough day.
I was living with a friend and her family. She and I were besties through high school but had grown distant over time. She started hanging out with a different girl and got heavy into drugs. She was going out with that girl and I usually would tag along to take care of her, but that night I had a funny feeling and decided to stay home. In the middle of the night her mom came in my room and said they were in an accident. My friend was in a coma for weeks and has been suffering from debilitating diseases ever since. The other girl had to have a hip replacement. When I saw the pictures of the car I knew I would have died. The whole rear end was wrapped around a pole and crumpled.
To this day, if I have a gut feeling, I listen to it.
I got this feeling on my wedding day to my now ex-husband. Getting my hair & makeup done, putting on the big white dress, listening to how excited everyone was, and the entire time I felt white and sick to my stomach. It was like a burning ball inside me, and I felt cold all over. I kept wanting to hide, and I remember my Dad jokingly saying "We can still make a run for it!" and I wish now I'd of taken him up on it. Not even three months after the wedding, he started picking out what I could wear (you shouldn't be wearing pants, women should wear skirts & dresses!), complaining that I wasn't working TWO jobs instead of just one, and not ever letting me out of his sight when I was home from work (I couldn't even walk to the mailbox alone).
A month or so after that, when I'd had enough and started pushing back, he attacked me and started hitting me, right in front of his brother. I remember begging his brother to help me, and instead he sneered and said "Women like you get what you deserve", and when I yelled that I would call the cops, my husband said "Go ahead, I have many cop friends." The very next day I made a phone call to an old school friend telling him my address and that I would be at the end of the road at a certain time. When my husband was outside working on his boat, I threw a few clothes into a bag and ran.
Filed for divorce and never looked back. Ended up working two jobs (haha) and living with my grandmother until I could get back on my feet. Listen to your gut ladies. It might save you a lot of bruises and maybe even your life!
I worked with a girl when I was 18. She was 4 years older than me, and we came from the same small hometown so knew some of the same people. I quickly understood she was not a great person. Narcissistic. Loved to pit people at work against each other by spreading rumors. Backhanded compliments. Dominated every conversation by turning into something about herself. You probably know the type. She didn't like me because I ended up explaining her behavior to our boss after she tried [and failed] to get me fired over a rumor she created.
She didn't last long, thankfully. People caught on, and they knew me well enough to trust that I'm a decent person in that regard.
Fast forward to my later-twenties, back in my hometown. She walks into a bar with my friend. We are awkwardly polite. The night wears on. Drinks. We get to talking and are actually laughing together. It seems like the past is distant. I say I'm going to leave. She looks directly into my eyes and asks if she can come with me.
It was like looking into the eyes of a demon. Every hair on the back of my neck and forearms. Heart rate increased. Cold sweat and the blood drained from my face. But, drunk me, severely lonely from previous years, thinking only of that night's chemistry, said yes. Told myself it was just the anxiety of such a physically attractive woman asking to come home with me.
We ended up dating for almost a year. I have never been more physically, psychologically, or emotionally abused, cheated on, and just destroyed inside. It was severe. My cat's hair started falling out from the stress in the home [he's been a happy, healthy chonk before and after, don't worry]. I won't go into details. But, it was ugly. I was so turned around as a male abuse victim that I had been gaslighted into thinking I was an abuser.
I finally got out, but had to do it alone. With narcissistic abusers, they tend to look for people they can use, that have something, that are unique, stand out, etc. People with potential. I made myself seem thoroughly "pathetic" [what a person like that would think is pathetic], and she casually moved away and found a new victim.
We still shared some friends and she had convinced most of them that I was a bad person. But in time her nature hurt all of them, and while I had moved on and made new friends, they slowly trickled back into my life and related their own horror stories of her.
Ultimately I became stronger and grew in many ways from it, and can even trust, but I'll always have to struggle with thinking no one is ever interested in me so not picking up on it, and confusing boundaries/self-respect for hurting my partner and potentially causing a serious altercation.
That night in the bar I should've just left. Every sense in my body told me to get away from her. But I stayed.
In my 30s, my husband was having an affair and I was sick of staying home alone, so I went to a dance club in Boise by myself.
I had a fantastic time and met a friendly couple, James and Tammy, ended up spending most of the night with them laughing, dancing, joking. Just really fun, open people.
We shut the place down, and out on the sidewalk Tammy says, "Want to go for pancakes?"
"That's a great idea! I'm starved," I said. "My car's around the corner. Should I just follow you to the restaurant?"
"No, don't do that! We'll give you a ride, then bring you back," said Tammy.
"Thank you!" I said. "I'm worn out from all that dancing, haha."
As soon as I get in the car and it pulls away from the curb, I get this sense of dread.
Just a few blocks down the road, James says he wants to pick something up at their apartment, and asks if it's okay if we stop off there for a minute. I'm ignoring my warning bells, still hoping that everything's okay, don't want to ruin a great night by freaking out unnecessarily. They're both still super casual and friendly, so I say, "Okay..."
We get to their apartment, which is really low rent and scummy, and my alarms are getting louder.
"I'll just wait in the car while you get your thing," I said.
Tammy stays, too, and we talk about this n' that, and I start to relax again. There's no pressure coming from her, she genuinely seems delighted to have made a new friend.
"Let's go check on James," she says after a bit.
As soon as I walk through the door, I know I'm in trouble. I'm miles from home in an unfamiliar area, no friends in town and my husband's God knows where with his girlfriend. Did I have a phone? Was the battery dead? I can't remember.
Tammy's between me and the only door, and James is on the sofa watching TV. She offers me a drink, which I decline, then goes to fix herself one.
"Are we staying here?" I ask. "Let's go to the restaurant."
"You bet! I just want one drink, then we'll go."
All this time, Tammy seems great, but James is silent, staring fixedly at the TV, all tense and excited, but trying not to show it. I'm getting super weird, scary vibes from him and this whole situation.
"Do you party?" Tammy asks brightly.
I'm distracted and have no idea what this means, so I say, "I guess."
She sets up some cocaine on the coffee table and she and James have a toot. I've never seen cocaine in my life. I can't believe what I've gotten myself into. I look away from the coffee table toward the TV and finally realize that James is watching gangbang pornography.
I stand up and announce that I'm going to call a cab.
"Oh, don't! Do you want to go?"
"Yeah," I say faux-apologetically. "I'm just really tired." I start walking for the door.
"We'll take you back. Don't pay for a cab, honey. We'll drive you."
I don't remember how she convinced me to get back in the car, but she and James ended up driving me back to the bar and giving me a friendly wave as they drove away.
I think it was an honest misunderstanding: they thought they'd found a willing third, and if I wasn't down with a threesome, that was perfectly okay. And, cocaine was just a normal Saturday night, I guess.
But, man...when I recall turning to face that TV screen, my heart still drops into my stomach. I always, always trust my instincts now.
I was on a camper van trip up the East Coast of Australia and stopped at Bondi for a few nights.
On our last morning there, my friend had some work to get done on his laptop, so I decided to head out for a surf by myself to kill a few hours.
No one else was surfing, the water was murky and anyone that's surfed knows you can start to get a feeling the water is a little 'sharky'.
I left the water unscathed and told my mate about the eerie feeling I'd had. We both headed back to our home towns, only for him to tag me in a news report about a guy that had been attacked while surfing alone at that exact spot one week later.
Have had a few other 'encounters' in that part of the world and every single time you get a bit of a feeling in your stomach beforehand.
I have always listened to my instincts.
One one occasion a fellow detective and I were hunting a bail Jumper in Pennsylvania. We got a contact who gave us a solid lead and told us where to find our guy. For $50 he would also lure the bail Jumper to the one and only gas station in town. We paid the guy, gave him a time to make it happen. It didn't sit right so not being complete f***king idiots, right after we paid our mole, we told the guy that we skip out town for a few hours.
In reality, we went out of town, made sure the mole saw us go out of town and then we doubled back in another way and set our self up on a bluff overlooking the gas station. About thirty minutes before show time, the locals with their guns showed up and started to hide around the place. The bail jumper didn't show up with them. We noticed our mole was always looking in the same direction when he was on the phone.
Ten minutes prior to the time we given our mole, we decided it was not in our interest to go into town. We called out mole and told him we were running 20 minutes late and to sit tight. We on a hunch went and snuck up on the ridge where the mole was looking and found our bail jumper. We got him before he could alert anybody. After we got him in the car and was heading out of the area, he asked how we heard about the ambush.
Told him nothing. Just let him ramble on.
Coming home from a holiday and got into a cab to take us to the airport, immediately I got a gut feeling of "something is going to go very wrong" as we were traveling a big storm broke out so I was thinking "it must be that, we're going to crash because of the storm" but no.
Arrive at the airport with no drama but still the feeling of something bad won't go away. As we walk into the airport I look at the departure board and see our flight has been canceled, my immediate feeling was one of relief and the feeling of dread disappeared immediately. Like "ahh that was the problem".
While our society still has at a lot of progress to make when it comes to gender equality, an exciting post on "Am I The A**hole?" breaks new ground by showing that men can be just as superficial, petty, and controlling as women are traditionally described to be.
Writing on behalf of him and his fiancée, a groom turned to the internet for help after his September wedding's dress code began causing rifts between the couple on their families.
The couple are demanding more from their wedding guests than just formalwear and possibly exposing themselves to COVID. After explaining just how pumped they are for the wedding shoot with a fancy photographer, they describe the strict dress code:
We have been clear from the very start that the dress code will be fully enforced. The invitations we sent explicitly told our guests what we'd be expecting from them (white tie, no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings) and that they were free to decline the invitation if they had a problem with this. We also sent everybody who RSVP'd a reminder over email several weeks ago repeating this instruction.
Nobody is exempt, not even their moms:
This was going fine until one of our mothers has recently posted on Facebook a picture of a 'cocktail' style dress she wants to wear on the day. Of course this isn't included in our dress code, so we informed her right away that the dress would be unacceptable. Another woman (a family friend) asked if she could bring flat shoes to change into after the ceremony, and again we directed her to the 'white tie' instructions.
The confrontation over the "cocktail style" dress has brought in other branches of their families.
Unfortunately, this has caused a lot of unnecessary drama throughout both our families and even some friends. Both sets of parents, cousins, some siblings, and many more people have messaged us privately to ask us to relax our dress code and allow them to be flexible. This isn't happening, so we have just pointed to our 'white tie only' policy and told them they accepted the rules when they RSVP'd.
In our opinion, while wearing knee-length dresses and suits (rather than a tux) might be appropriate for 'day to day life', they will doubtlessly look out of place at a wedding that is supposed to be fully formal. We are hosting a private event where we are able to set the rules. Having been to other weddings over the years, we have fully complied with the wishes of the marrying couple and we do not see why we should not be given the same treatment.
They've been called a**holes by their friends and families, and want strangers on the internet to chime in.
Since we made this clear, we've been called a**holes by people around us. However, in our opinion, this is our wedding and we've been clear about our preferences all along. We have even told our guests that if anyone has a problem with this, they are free to drop out (even though we will still be paying for their seats now) and not attend.
AITA for having a dress code at our wedding?
People in the comments argued that the couple's demands are above and beyond a dress code, treating their so-called friends and family as set dressing and props.
"YTA (You're The A**hole). It is your wedding and you can do what you want, but it’s a wedding, not a photoshoot or a play. The stuff about piercings, tattoos, and hair color is especially ridiculous," PotentialityKnocks argued.
The groom wasn't just an a**hole, he was also called "a snob and a poor host." "This should be an occasion to celebrate with your nearest and dearest. You are making it all about the look," fleabagwannabe commented. "The good news is that with this behaviour you are telling people who you really are."
People also pointed out that demanding women wear heels is both sexist and ableist, as people have health issues that keep them from wearing fancy stilts.
Thanks to a simple Google search, somebody also discovered that the couple is completely misrepresenting what a "white tie" dress code even means.
"White tie" is for state dinners at Buckingham Palace. Royal weddings are "Morning dress."
"White tie dress code does not mention hair colour, tattoos, piercings or women's shoes. You are tacky as hell," fleabagwannabe explained.
Just spitballin' here: if your dress code pisses off "both sets of parents, cousins, some siblings, and many more people," maybe you should relax it? You can get a new dress code, but you can't get a new family.
"If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going."
- Winston ChurchillI
2020 has definitely been hellish, but we've got to keep going and keep laughing. These hilarious memes perfectly nail how we're all feeling about this disastrous dumpster-fire of a year.
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Ever had a human interaction so awkward it made you want to crawl into quarantine for 6-months, even before there was a global pandemic? Socially awkward moments are an inevitable part of life. But that doesn't make them any less painful.
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"When the working day is done, oh girls, they wanna have fun."
-Cyndi Lauper
Girls just wanna have memes! This list brings the fun. It's packed with relatable and hilarious comedy for all of us who just really need some laughs today.
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“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”
– Bryan White
You don't have to grow up, you know. Nothing's really stopping you from pouring yourself a big bowl of sugary cereal, poppin' on some cartoons, and laughing hysterically at these funny memes. Treat yourself to some fun today.
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We've all seen photos of tattoo horror stories where people don't think before asking a stranger to permanently ink a quotation in a language they can't understand on their backs, an embarrassing lyric from a band they only listened to when they were thirteen, or an offensive statement piece they thought would be "edgy," but eventually grew up. Tattoos are permanent, but your obsession with dolphins dancing with butterflies might not last as long as you need your forearm. Regardless of the regrettable tattoos, though, there are plenty of stunning works of art that people have tattooed on their bodies, and hearing someone's "tattoo origin story" can often be inspiring.
So, when a recent Reddit user asked, "Tattoo artist of Reddit, what’s the most beautiful/saddest request you’ve ever gotten, or one that has stood out?" artists and recipients were ready to share their most meaningful tattoo experiences.
Dude asked me to Tattoo his family on his back. His wife and 3 kids had died in a fire recently and I had to recreate their family photo on his back. It took a few hours and I was as meticulous as possible. Normally I would’ve charged him a load of money for this, but I didn’t have the heart to charge him. Boss was fine with it. - CongressPotatoKenobi
She had cancer. The treatment stopped working, so she got off chemo and decided to live out the last few weeks of her life seeing her favorite places and doing her favorite things. She had been a tattoo artist when she was younger, and hadn’t gotten any new pieces since she was diagnosed a few years prior.
I tattooed her. She got a black and grey sunflower with the outline of Minnesota, close to her chemo scars. It was her last tattoo. - Vextera
My husband has a tattoo for his previous fiancé who died of cancer at only 39 yrs old. It’s a woman going up a staircase and a clock at the time she died. I always thought it was a really sad, but touching memorial. - HotPink124
Simple but beautiful story.
Elderly man came in to the tattoo shop for his first tattoo. He wanted his wife’s name. While drawing it up for him - he explained his wife of 45 years had just passed away a month ago. He told me she never wanted him to have a tattoo but he was in the service and always wanted one - of her name - but he never got it because she wouldn’t let him.
He says “I don’t mean to be ornery or disrespect her wishes, I just need a piece of her with me until we’re together again.” - jgorbeytattoos
My best friend died a few years ago in a car accident. The very last conversation we ever had was a phone conversation of him telling me about his new tattoo. Obviously, he never got to show it to me, but his mom sent me a picture of it a few months later.
With her permission, I went and got the same tattoo a year and a half after his death. The kicker is, I lived a couple hours away from the artist who did my friend’s tattoo, so I went to her. It was so healing to get to talk to someone who had seen him, and now I have a great tattoo with a great story. - EliMac65
A woman came straight from her father's funeral with his final will and testament and had me put his signature on her arm. She could hardly make out the words and we both cried the entire time. It was such a deep experience I couldn't charge her. - areeemeeyet
I'm answering for my brother. He's a talented tattoo artist with his own shop in Colorado.
When my first child was born (at 23 weeks super preemie), he was 13. He drew a gorgeous name tag for her incubator in the NICU based on her name: Emily Rose.
She passed away from pneumonia when she was 3 years old. Years later my brother have me a tattoo of a re-imagining of that name sign. All free hand and it is gorgeous.
His art welcomed his niece into the world and his art celebrated her life when she left it. - nightcrawler616
I tattooed a plus sign on a couple. The air was heavy but it wasn’t my place to ask why. Once we put the stencils on, they opened up.
They had just miscarried. She told me they were excited to bring life into this world, together. And their favorite moment of joy was when she took the pregnancy test and they waited together... for their overwhelmingly positive response: for the plus sign. - allentattoo
Not an artist, but I work the front desk dealing with clients and scheduling appointments. Last year we had a woman call in requesting to get the tattoo "Daddy's Property" on her stomach just above her pubic area. We quoted her a randomly high price, thinking she'd pass, but she didn't. She paid her deposit and showed up a few days later for her appointment.
We get her signed in and send her off with her artist. About 20 minutes later, she comes down with tears in her eyes, thanks us for our time and says she'll call us back to schedule another appointment. A few minutes later the artist comes down and explains the whole situation to us.
Turns out she was in an abusive relationship and didn't really realize it until she started talking to the artist. She explained that she already had one tattoo she got while she was in a different abusive relationship that she was in the process of getting lasered off.
He played therapist to her for 20 minutes, listening to her problems and helping her realize that she was about to make another permanent mistake she was going to regret.
She did call back about a month later, scheduled a consultation for an entirely new full leg sleeve and has been coming in every 2 months for the past year to get it worked on. He let a pocketful of cash walk out the door that afternoon, but made a client for life by not tattooing the design she came in to get. - thatgirl829
I managed a tattoo shop and we were about to close when a group of 6 well dressed people came in. I asked if they came from a wedding. Complete opposite, they were coming from a funeral. All of them got a paper plane tattoo. Most people this was their first tattoo. They kept getting calls and 8 more people came totaling almost 16 people getting tatted plus guests hanging out.
I had to ask artists to work over time and stay back but they all wanted to help this family and group of friends go through this tough time.
For privacy I won’t mention how the person they were paying tribute passed but the reason they got paper planes is because she looked exactly like M.I.A apparently and paper planes was their inside joke with her.
We let them take over the music for the shop and blast that song as loud as possible and to see sad broken people smiling and dancing and celebrating this persons life touched me. - demarderollins
one of my artist friends told me a story about a guy who came in that'd lost his first born at 6 years old to childhood lymphoma. The guy wanted to have a full body suit done of all the kids drawings, the drawings were terrible but he never wanted to forget them. - amalgamas
My brother passed a little over 10 years ago and one of his best friends is a tattoo artist. He used to be in the military and would write letters to us so we were able to get one of his favorite sayings in his own handwriting from piecing it all together. I also had him mix his ashes in with the ink. My brothers buddy broke down immediately when I opened the urn I have for him, needless to say he had to take a little break before he started. - sanford8645
Just yesterday I had an old lady cry when I finished her tattoo. She had a letter from her mom that she found while moving. Her mom had passed about 10 years ago and I tattooed a part of it on her arm. Nothing extravagant or anything on my part, I just traced someone’s writing, but it made the entire fucking world to her. I brightened someone’s day by doing something I used to get in trouble for as a kid. - hazard0666
A snake that was shedding its skin but still having it on, because the person lost a lot of weight and could not get rid of his excess skin. He thinks of himself as a dysfunctional snake. - 2bierlaengenabstand
I tattooed a portrait of a baby on a young women. During the tattoo she told me it was a picture of her baby that died shortly after she gave birth. 20yrs of pro tattooing and nothing has been as sad. - tatoutkast
One that was really touching for me was a girl whose dad had passed away. She brought in the last note he had written to her and I tattooed the “love you” sign off on her. I’ll always remember that one. - shivurs
Imagine loving a celebrity so much, you get their face tattooed on your skin...forever.
Imagine if the artist doing said tattoo did not know the difference between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Neil Patrick Harris, or Zac Efron and Jeffrey Dahmer.
Limbs across the world are inflicted with Bad Tattoo Syndrome, a syndrome that manifests when it has a god-awful tattoo.
These bad tattoos are bad in many different ways, whether it's bad execution, bad location, bad spelling, or bad capacity for timelessness. Rejoice that these works of art (hopefully) aren't on your body.
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In a 37-minute interview with Axios on HBO, Trump doubled down on wishing alleged child sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell well, "I don't know her"ed the late civil rights hero John Lewis, and whined "you can't do that" when journalist Jonathan Swan presented him with the facts that the United States has the most coronavirus deaths per capita in the world. The special is being compared to an apocalyptic episode of Veep, a trainwreck, and "a cognitive test [he] didn't pass."
It's a dizzying 37 minutes, but the interview can be boiled down to five words. When Swan forced the president to acknowledge that 1000 of his constituents are dying a day, he said, "it is what it is."
"It is what it is" would be an inspiring mantra from a meditation teacher, but is a frightening position coming from the President of the United States. #ItIsWhatItIs promptly started trending on Twitter, as people responded in horror to the president's hot takes.
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Watch the full interview on YouTube.
