5. Muslims everywhere, who only have Ben Affleck to speak for them. 

Ben Affleck appeared on Real Time with Bill Maher last night and ended up arguing with Maher and Sam Harris about Islam. I don't really expect you to watch all ten minutes of this video, so let me summarize. Imagine you're a college freshman again, sitting in your dorm lounge at 1am, debating such moronic generalizations as "Islam is bad" or "Islam is good." You're shouting, the other guy is shouting, and neither of you is saying anything that makes sense. There are several purposefully edgy references to racism against African Americans. Now imagine Nicholas Kristof happens to be there, but nobody is letting him talk. That's basically it. Underneath the anger, you can tell Affleck is trying to make a good point: Islam, like other religions, is not a homogeneous entity, characterizable as all good or all bad. The world's 1.6 billion Muslims—the vast majority of whom don't live in the Middle East, by the way—shouldn't be condemned for the way Islam is being abused by the radical few. Sure, it would be nice if there was, y'know, one Muslim on the show who could speak to that point, but I guess Ben Affleck made Argo so he knows. 

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4. Malicious hackers, who seem to be running out of celebrity nudes.

(Getty)

A few more celebrity nudes were released this weekend, including the first ones of a guy, Hulk Hogan's son (See?! How can anyone call these hackers sexist?!). But it's pretty clear the hackers behind The Fappening 4 are running out of photos. Most of the people who had photos exposed this weekend are models or D-list actors, which is no less malicious, of course, but does seem to suggest these guys may not have an endless stream of Jennifer Lawrences and Rihannas to reveal. I mean, no offense, but Winona Ryder? Come on, hackers. 

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3. The Giudices of Real Housewives, forced to face the reality of a prison sentence.

(Getty)

Reality just got realer, y'all. (This is why I don't write headlines for Page Six.) Teresa Giudice and her husband Joe, stars of reality show The Real Housewives of New Jersey, were sentenced to 15 and 41 months in prison respectively last week for multi-million-dollar fraud. Teresa will serve her sentence first, starting January 5, and Joe may still face deportation after serving his sentence. At an RHONJ reunion taping Sunday, Teresa and her husband were reportedly "not doing well" according to People's insider source, who is apparently their go-to source for really obvious gossip. 

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2. Children in a Washington state school district who like going on the swings, which are being removed for being too dangerous.

(Thinkstock)

Children who used to report "recess" was their favorite class will probably be changing their minds after a Washington state school district decided to ban swings because they're unsafe. I'd call this helicopter parenting taken to the extreme, but the parents of these kids would probably complain that helicopter parenting isn't safe—think of those rotating blades! Also, it appears it wasn't the parents of these kids who called for the change. The school district decided to phase out swings because insurance companies will no longer offer swing coverage since the liability is just too high. Swings account for 200,000 emergency room visits every year, and "most swing injuries happen when unwary children walk behind or in front of a moving swing." The solution here is obviously to provide insurance coverage for the kids riding the swings. Kids who stupidly walk in front or behind deserve what they get. 

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1. Anti-gay-marriage activists who were hoping the Supreme Court would intervene.

(Getty)

Supreme Court justices have immediately, unexpectedly cleared the way for gay marriage in five more states after refusing to hear appeals from those states after federal appeals courts issued rulings that struck down gay marriage bans. The five states are: Indiana, Oklahoma, Utah, Virginia, and Wisconsin. Those appeals courts have jurisdiction over six other states with bans, meaning an additional six states (including West Virginia!) will likely have legal gay marriage soon as well. This will potentially bring the total number of states where gay marriage is legal up to 30, which means three-fifths of our country will be as progressive as, oh, South Africa. 

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Funny one, 90s kid. (via)

Adults are basically just children who've grown fat, watched their dreams die, and learned to shrink from confrontation. So it follows that the modern workplace is just as petty and territorial as your typical elementary school playground, except there's a lot less spitting and hair-pulling, and a lot more bitchy note-writing. The most successful workplace notes strive to entertain just as much as they impolitely advise and chastise, and the notes collected here are some of the best of the medium.

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Notes are a great way to spot a place with great job security. (via)

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The part about it being a high tech company wasn't even necessary. (via)

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Even if it were, I wouldn't take it from that sink. (via)

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A tribute to DeFrost Kelley. (via)

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I bet some of that medication is missing. (via)

(updated 9.08.14)

Clearly the work of a career food thief.(via)

Can never be sure when you work at Disney.(via)

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The time on the microwave speaks volumes.(via)

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Thanks, but I've already got a paper strips guy.(via)

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The law offices of Passive, Aggressive and Annoying.(via)

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"So it is written, so it shall be flushed."(via)

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"That's so funny, because I lick your pens too!" (via)

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Recurring dreams go in the blue bin.(via)

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Nice thought, especially considering the source.(via)

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You'd think at this point it would be up for grabs.(via)

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Thanks, but that doesn't really solve the problem. (via)

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It's not what you think - a guy named "Jack" took a half-day.
To masturbate.(via)

Updated 8.11.14

Episode VIII: The Cubicle Menace. (via)

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Caution: Faint while using the urinal and you'll never hear the end of it.(via)

Gas station spelling error. It's supposed to say "Pimp 6."(via)

For Rachel's sake, I hope she's leaving.(via)

Asking for trouble in a mostly female office.(via)

"Wide awake... staring at this blank screen." (via)

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Who do I see about getting a glass of milk?(via)

That is one low bar for "nice things."(via)

Keep it up and the printer will outlast you.(via)

"Thanks for reminding me.. to let it gooooo!"(via)

Don't encourage them!(via)

 Never forget 5.05.14 (via)

Updated 6.10.14

"I'd actually prefer to speak with your commanding officer." (via)

So you're saying it's organic? (via)

Someone's making this way too complicated. (via)

Time to strat over. (via)

Saying goodbye with cat litter box cake.(via)

"Oh my God! I'm spilling my coffee everywhere!"(via)

Thanks! How about an aisle traffic report? (via)

And productivity is down.(via)

This must not be the first time the pot was left empty.(via)

"Yes! I can do this!"(via)

This is the storyboard for Taken 9: Office Hijinks.(via)

Two weeks later I bet it's still sitting there. (via)
 

Updated 4/16/14

"You mean the one with the reindeers and all the fingerprints?" (via)

Also good for sending passive aggressive messages to grimy coworkers.(via)

Whether it's toilet seats or soup, no one likes a cold bowl.(via)

As an optimist, I'm guessing cupcake.(via)

One is obviously for the personal use of the genius who wrote the note. (via) 
 

Ew! He didn't even lift up the seat! (via)

Coffee burn!(via)

Lee should report Steve's "XO" to HR. (via)

As an optimist, I see the sink as half-empty.(via)

It's "demasiado," dum-mas. (via)

Every picture tells a story. This one looks disgusting. (via)

I guess "please flush" wasn't doing the trick.(via)

Updated 2/10/14:

Please make sure your kitchen notes adhere to AP style, thx. (Via)

Easier than trying to figure out what that little icon on the tray is supposed to mean.(Via)

Fine, we'll pass the time by touching each other.(Via)

Betting those messy dishes are less unsightly than a wall full of memes.(Via)

Of course she did. Even expired Rolos are still better than non-expired everything else. (Via)

Well, Luke, thanks for all the hours you've logged. (Via)

Updated 11/19/13:

All is forgiven, Lee. Easy on the sprinkles next time. This isn't kindergarten. (Via)

Printers don't have mothers. They burst forth from hell and land directly on Best Buy shelves.(Via)

They need to stop hiring out-of-work wizards onto the cleaning staff.(Via)  

Darcy might have an eating disorder. Or he needs a raise. (Via)

Bet they have to put up a new sign come January.(Via)

I'd never complain about meetings running long if they were run by Bussiness Cat. (Via)

Update 10/16/13:

Still doesn't look secure. He should have put the filing cabinet on top of it for weight.

Guess some people like to make signs at the urinal instead of conversation.

A pen so awesome it will make you racist against yourself.

A delicious treat and it makes you regular? Sign us up!

Don't fall for the sign. They eat donuts really awkwardly too.

I like this office. They don't mess around.

Updated 9/19/13:

...and coffee is the only thing that puts us back together.

She went out of her way to make such a nice sign. She porbably appreciates the notes.

Probably a restaurant. Anyone with a special "pasta fridge" in their office has no right to be angry.

No, honey, I haven't been kissing anyone. I've just been stealing food.

Did she spell "highness" wrong? Or "You're"?

Worst. Day care center. Ever.

Updated 8/20/13:

I'd brew me. I'd brew me so hard.

Offices shouldn't be telling us how to love!

Open casket. It woud have wanted it that way.

The signs are breeding.

Say yes indeed to weed.

They really need to clean that vending room if it's got a groundhog problem.

Updated 7/24/13:

Alert. Pointless Signs!

If you'd taught the kitten to attack, the Tupperware thief would have been dead already.

Hopefully our time machines will be more reliable than our copy machines.

We all have our signature style.

The TL;DR version of the above.

Speak for yourself. My nickels give me balance.

Updated 6/27/13:

Physician, heal thyself.

You've got to really love stealing office equipment if you're taking the drains.

We'd risk our job for half an oreo.

Side-note: Keurig coffeee is always horrible. We'd quit if they started making us use those K-cups.

So medium-sized poos are cool?

If you know the author of this sign, withold your love from them. They are undeserving of love.
 

Updated 5/31/13:

Thanks for the choices! We'll take option B.

This is why we don't let our utensils date.

Follow the old ladies. They know where the comfier chairs are.

Or just burst in. It's adorable watching them scurry under their desks.

But we took the red pill! You have no choice when you work in an office.

Updated 4/11/13:

You mean besides cut-up chickens, pigs, cows, and probably horses if this is Europe?

"Pardon me, I was just wondering where I could get one of those signs!"
 

Some people give a shit; others take them without warning during the work day.
 

Office communications are so much clearer when there's clearly no HR.
 

Sounds like a cheesy cheddar challenge! ...aaaand there's a fire.
 

That chair wanted to hold the ass of a big start-up entrepeneur, but she got an IT guy.

Updated 3/11/13:

This is why we microchipped all our pens. Too many sickos out there.
 

Memes: The best passive-aggressive retort there is.

Maybe we should all just switch to "Ur" for everything and stop embarrassing ourselves.

I'm sorry. Your husband didn't put a lid on his reheated pasta. Now you have to pay.

He might have fun. He might also discover who he was meant to be.

This note is also works great when you put it on the office door of your least favorite coworker.

Updated 1/28/13:

When will Serge and Wendall stop this bickering and realize they're in love...with pee?

Please try to achieve the level of joylessness that's expected of you.

The plate kidnapped itself, Lebowski. It owed crumbs all over town.

We were going to drop some M-80s down its drain, but the sledgehammer sounds fun too.

If our workplace instituted this rule we'd strike.

The zombie thing is cute, but does the original sign mean you could really lose your job for eating someone's hot pocket?

Updated 12/10/12:

That stuff really works, btw. We can steal Karen's yogurt whenever we want now!

It's worth the $18/hour. Sandra is an absolutely scintillating conversationalist. You'll weep.

That drain sucks!

They still don't know who shot that room.

Matt doesn't have a whole lot going on for himself right now.

These facility repairs will be seen as cheesy at first, but will attain a cult status when they hit video.

Fran will devote the rest of her days to making you shit too much.

Updated 10/10/12:

"Did you see Homeland last night? It made me reflect on Plato's Cave and ideal forms." 

The prophet Isiah said one day a female Messiah shall deliver women from Aunt Flo.
 

Dietary harassment is a growing problem in the modern, fat workforce.
 

That mug is the reason local news now shows Ceramic Alerts.
 

Something tells us that guy likes to push everyone's buttons a lot.
 

After all, if you don't throw out the box, no one else can put in food to steal.
 

That lack of self-control also applies to resisting the urge to write passive-agressive notes.

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Updated 5/29/12:

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Updated 1/20/12:

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Updated 1/3/12:

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It's not unusual to love when he does "The Carlton."

Now, this is a story all about how
Alfonso Ribeiro's career is going right now.
And I'd like to take a minute
–just sit right there– 
I'll tell you how Carlton's still making cash from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

In West Hollywood, is where it pays.
On a TV set is where he spends most of his days.
Fillin' out tax forms, and acting for food
And all shootin' some footage outside with the crew
When a couple of producers who were down to make cash
Asked Alfonso if he'd get on stage and dance.
He did a bunch of episodes, but we thought, "no fair."
We just want to see you do "The Carlton" from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

The show aired on ABC about 7 or 8
and Carlton DVRd it to go home and watch it later.
He saw the fan's reactions,
and became fully aware:
He will forever be known as Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

(by Myka Fox)

I predict that Mitch will be the subject of a new Malcom Gladwell book, Badasses, about how babies who are taught at an early age not to fear gnarliness grow up to be radical dudes. I mean, dad's hands guiding his tummy or no, this kid is doing frontside manuals at an age when I was still deciding whether my frontside toes tasted good. Some Poindexters out there are concerned that Mitch isn't wearing a helmet, despite the fact that Mitch is obviously really good at skateboarding. I also think that Mitch should wear a helmet, but only because his dad (YouTuber cobratime) kind of looks like a klutz who might mess up Mitch's grinding.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Amazingly, alcohol was not a factor.

Watching this Australian kangaroo battle play out, it's easy to see why none of the neighbors got involved. Because this looks like a fight that no one in their right mind would want any part of. Who knows what these two were fighting about, but considering they hop around kicking and punching each other for over five minutes, I'm going ahead and assuming it was two 'roo bros fighting over the marsupial equivalent of the following:

Roo 1: What are you looking at?
Roo 2: I'm looking at your giant ears.
Roo 1: Debbie seems to like them.
Roo 2: That's not what she told me last night.
Roo 1: I told you to stay away from her!

(by Jonathan Corbett)

1. Jennifer Lawrence Doesn't Seem All That Cool With Those Naked Pics That Were Stolen From Her

You know, to read her recent interview in Vanity Fair, you'd kind of get the impression that celebrated film actress Jennifer Lawrence isn't too happy about all the attention she's been getting online due to her stolen, personal nude photographs. In fact, she actually seems kind of pissed. "It is not a scandal. It is a sex crime," she told the magazine. "It is a sexual violation. It's disgusting. The law needs to be changed, and we need to change." So, it's not just me? We're all getting a kind of anger vibe from her, right?

"Leaking nudes" sounds like a very worrisome STD.

— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) October 6, 2014

2. Everyone In America Is Still Trying To Figure Out What SCOTUS's Anti-Decision On Gay Marriage Even Means

The U.S. Supreme Court's decision to not make any kind of decision about gay marriage doesn't only open the door to a new era of civil rights and marital equality in the nation. It also opens it up to a whole bunch of wild speculation over the future of marriage in America. For example, the anti-gay Family Research Council said in a statement that, "The Court decision ensures that the debate over natural marriage will continue and the good news is that time is not on the side of those who want to redefine marriage." They're right! It's a well-known fact that progress always marches backward, away from equality. It's why slavery is such a fundamental part of our economy today. Oddly, according to a Mormon spokesperson, the LDS Church seemed to be having a reasonable response to news of marriage equality in Utah. "When our positions do not prevail, we should accept unfavorable results graciously, and practice civility with our adversaries." What's that all about? Makes me nervous.

Maybe if you could perform same sex marriages in my uterus, the Supreme court would finally butt out of it.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) October 6, 2014

3. 'Mulaney' Is Proof That Even Incredibly Talented People Sometimes Make Bad Things

You know how you're always thinking to yourself that if you were simply given the chance, you could probably make a better show than 95 percent of the junk on TV? Well, Fox's new Mulaney is here to prove that wrong. The half-hour sitcom—which stars and is written by John Mulaney, one of the most talented and funny people in the comedy world today—is not only getting staggeringly awful reviews, but it's also the lowest rated show of any new show this season, pulling in just half of the viewership from its lead-in program, The Family Guy. So, maybe it's time for you to come up with a new pipe dream.

Good job shitting on #Mulaney, comics! Way to put that comedian who is doing exactly what you want to do in his place.

— Shane Nickerson (@shanenickerson) October 6, 2014

5. 'Twin Peaks' Returning To Television To Make Coffee Cool Again

Remember a quarter-century ago, when for a brief period of time, the surreal and enthralling television show Twin Peaks made drinking coffee kind of cool and popular. It may be hard to imagine it now, but there were a few months back there in the '90s when you used to sometimes see people slurping down the caffeine drink not at the breakfast table. Well, everything old is new again, and now that we know the David Lynch-created program is returning to television sets in 2016, we can probably expect a resurgence in desire for some "damn good coffee."

A third season of Twin Peaks and gay marriage is legal in Utah!?! I feel like French kissing god!

— Susan Burke (@ThatSusanBurke) October 7, 2014

5. Study Finds That Waking Up In The Middle Of Surgery Is F***ing Terrifying

A group of researchers from the United Kingdom are studying the experiences of all the people who wake up from medically induced sleep to find a bunch of doctors poking around inside their bodies with metal instruments. Even scarier than the idea of going through something like that is the fact that it happens often enough to necessitate a study. "For a one-year period starting in 2012, an anesthetist at every hospital in the United Kingdom and Ireland recorded every case where a patient told a staff member that he had been awake during surgery," the Washington Post reports. "Prompted by these reports, the researchers investigated 300 cases, interviewing the patient and doctors involved." Pardon me, but I have to go crawl under my bed and never come out again. Goodbye, world.

I told the nurses to prep for surgery but they're really just a table of strangers watching me cut into my sandwich.

— Jane (@jane_bot) September 19, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

This might seem like it's easier than learning parkour, but stop-motion takes forever.

The "About" section of CorridorDigital's YouTube page reads simply "Crazy action and visual fx? Heck yeah." That is, indeed, what is promised and what is delivered in this video, Stop-Motion Parkour. We've all taken pictures of someone who was lying down but pretending they were standing against a two-dimensional background, and we all daydream about improbably epic battles over impossibly low stakes, but these guys have put those universal impulses together in this fast-paced, physics-breaking battle over a water bottle. Although, it wouldn't be that unrealistic if this was supposed to take place in drought-stricken California.

(by Johnny McNulty)

"Holy mother of Moo-moo!"

On October 5th, David and Juanita Schulze were just trying to get across the street in Mer Rouge, LA, when they noticed that a giant tractor-trailer with a crane was stuck on the train tracks. The second they saw the train-crossing lights come on, Juanita pulled out her camera and caught this crazy footage of the train smashing into the truck at full speed. 

"It was like watching TV!"

It looks terrible, but fortunately ABC reports that the driver of the truck was able to escape before the train crashed through, and the train engineer was treated at the hospital for minor injuries

Juanita describes her experience in the description, "At the time of the crash, we were in shock and I had no idea what had come out of my mouth until I played the video back....you just don't know how you will react to tragedy that unfolds right before your eyes until it happens."

(by Myka Fox)

She learned her lesson about abusive and obnoxious teachers. (Thinkstock)

Just in case you were feeling nostalgic for your days of carefree teenagerdom, here's a reminder that high school sucked. 

A 15-year-old student (not pictured above) was humiliated when a teacher decided to show an assembly of 100 of her classmates a photo of the girl in a bikini. The photo, which the seriously misguided teacher pulled from Facebook, was blown up and included in a slideshow and was meant to illustrate the dangers of putting private information online.

Instead of quietly learning her lesson, the teen ended up "really upset and hurt," her irate mother told the Daily Mail. While photos of other students were cropped so you could only see their faces, "for some reason they thought it was OK to use a photo of my daughter in her bikini." The girl, whose name has not been released is "not the type of girl who likes attention like this" and the incident "has knocked her confidence." 

The girl's mother has officially complained to the head teacher at Eggbuckland Community College. (Yes, we know that sounds fake, but in England, it's normal for secondary schools to have names that sound like sandwich-themed amusement parks.) She's also complained to the board of governors and Ofsted, an education watchdog group. The school released an official statement apologizing for the teacher's "error of judgement" in delivering "this important message," and they say they'll investigate further.

Of course, there's an equally important lesson for educators to pass along to teens: just because someone put something personal online doesn't make it right to take it and use it for whatever you want. 

Unless this was an assembly to teach Blaming The Victim, in which case, well done, Teach.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

"I'm not Grumpy Cat." (Via)

Meet Garfi (named after Garfield, I presume). He's an orange Persian who, like Grumpy Cat, has his face permanantly fixed in a dour position. Only, he isn't just grumpy, he looks pissed.

Garfi belongs to Hulya Ozkok, and has had hundreds of pictures taken of him on Flickr thanks to the insistence of Hulya's son. 

Garfi the Hutt. (Via)

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Hide your own eggs. (Via)

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Oh, am I boring you? (Via)

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You were supposed to leave by the time I got out. (Via)

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Sherman, you're fired. (Via)

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Happy Hatesgiving. (Via)

Recently is was announced that Grumpy Cat was getting his own Lifetime movie voiced by Aubrey Plaza. Garfi has been gaining lots of fans, but is he ready for that kind of fame? Garfi is clearly so much angrier than Grumpy Cat, perhaps he could play the role of the villain. It's going to be a Christmas movie, so is anyone else thinking this:

(Via Flickr and MGM)

You can see many more photos of Garfi and friends on his Flickr account here.

(by Myka Fox)

"This just in; the guy who handles our Twitter account has been canned."(via)

However poorly your day at work is going, unless you've botched a surgery or poisoned someone, it has to be going better than it is for the person in charge of the @3onyourside Twitter account for WREG news in Memphis. Because that person accidentally tweeted out a link to Pornhub to their 28.8K followers while attempting to direct them to their interactive weather radar. 

 (via)

The station quickly deleted the tweet, but it was already too late. It's bad enough that "3 on your side" already sounds like a sex move, but when the twin forces of news bloopers and porn collide, it creates a category 3 surge of jokes on Twitter.

Heard a rumor that @3onyourside is going to hire this guy as the new weatherman? #rockbonehttp://t.co/nH4bpK6gEf

— Peter Edmiston (@peteredmiston) October 7, 2014

This weather. Jesus. It went all #rockbone on me in less than a minute. #nostamina

— Shawn Carter (@MouseBrat) October 7, 2014

You’re welcome. #rockbonepic.twitter.com/zvjM6e2t3z

— treyheath (@treyheath) October 7, 2014

You have to imagine that viewing porn at work is frowned upon at WREG, so accidentally tweeting out the link to Pornhub will likely warrant a meeting with HR. Keeping him around would be in their best interest, though, because the endless stream of jokes and puns at Rockbone's expense would be great for workplace morale.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Whole Foods is the only grocery store with a layaway plan.

Kansas City is proof that the most exciting thing about Kansas isn't even in Kansas.

The kindness of strangers. (via)

We've heard a lot of stories lately about police officers who abuse their positions of power, so it's nice to finally hear about a guy who just wants to make his town a little safer. That guy is Ben Hall, a Public Safety Officer in Emmett Township, Michigan.

Hall pulled over Alexis DeLorenzo last week because her five-year-old daughter was not in a car seat. DeLorenzo told Hall she knew her daughter needed to be in a booster seat, but she'd fallen on hard times and couldn't afford to buy one. So Hall told her to drive to Walmart with him, where he shelled out $50 for the seat. 

Hall, who has singlehandedly renewed my faith in law enforcement, explained to local Fox reporters: "A ticket doesn't solve the situation. What solves it is the child being in a booster seat like she should be." 

DeLorenzo was extremely touched by the officer's kindness, calling him her "angel" and saying the incident changed her life. Though she has been down on her luck lately, she writes on Facebook: "As soon as I can afford it I will be paying forward."

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Is that a mouthful of Lembas bread, or are you just really unhappy to see me?

What do you do if you're a huge, red-bearded J.R.R. Tolkein nerd who's lucky enough to have a patient blonde girlfriend? You randomly startle her at work and at home with Lord of the Rings quotes, of course! Why? Well, so he can be "making sure his girlfriend doesn't forget the greatness that is LOTR." That's all the explanation given for this video, posted by Joe Azzopardi, a friend of the lucky nerd/boyfriend behind the camera. Now, you would also think that a nerd would be better at turning his phone sideways, but apparently this is a collection of Snapchats all strung together. Maybe Snapchats have to be vertical? I wouldn't know, because even though I'm a giant fantasy nerd, I'm also turning 30 soon and am unaware of this disappearing-photo wizardry the kids speak of.

(by Johnny McNulty)

A look that says "no pictures."

Get a good look. Because if you ever find one of these spiders on your bike, your car, or anything else it feels like resting on, just stay the hell away from it. Whatever you do, don't take out your phone to shoot a closeup video of the thing, like cyclist David Hesson. Because it could turn out to be a jumping spider. As in, "get too close and I'll have you jumping out of your clothes."

There are so many clearly fake videos uploaded every day, it's refreshing to see one where a guy lets out the kind of blood-curdling wail that screams authenticity. Literally. Also, spiders are incredibly hard to train, so I'm pretty sure it's legit.

(by Jonathan Corbett)