Dogs are barking.
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Self love.
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Drunk in love.
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Great timing.
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You made it.
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American kids reacting to foreign breakfasts will make your morning.
It's the most important puke of the day.
It's hard to stay cynical watching this adorable video of American kids trying different breakfasts from around the world. Whether they're savoring fried potatoes and chocolate toast or grimacing at bizarre flavors like preserved eggs and coffee, it's much more entertaining than trying to get your own kids ready for school.
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The extra mile.
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Real love.
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This cat loves this toddler so much we're worried for it.
Flattered?
Don't speak baby, but I'd say that guttural laugh/cry is his way of telling the cat they need some time apart. This cat is SO into this baby. If they were in a relationship and that cat came to me for advice, I'd be like, "Honey, you need to get a life outside of the two of you. He has his yellow ball and his short length of tube. What do you have? Just nuzzling him? Go do you."
Still, really loved this. People don't get that cats are very loyal. They just choose one person and everyone else can sit on a sharp stick. Obviously, this cat knows what it wants. It wants to follow its baby boy around until he leaves for college.
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Green with envy.
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This guy had his girlfriend drawn as all the Disney princesses for V-Day and made us single people feel like Ursula.
He's a monster.
Whyyyyyyyy?(via Imgur)
I know why I'm alone, because my reaction to this Imgur post by BrianDangerFlynn wasn't one of loving support. He had his beloved, sweet Manini, drawn by artist Dylan Bonner as a half-dozen Disney princesses for Valentine's Day. Such a beautiful gesture...but why couldn't they have just picked ONE? Why all of my childhood's greatest hits?
Manini gets to be Belle. Jasmine. Mulan. Ariel. Whatever the one from Tangled is called. Isn't it enough to be in a devoted relationship? Save some princesses for the rest of us. You're making all the drawings I commissioned of myself as Belle look totally psycho!
She's looking at her boyfriend buy your dream house. (via Imgur)
And she's gorgeous in real life, too, not just as a cartoon character:
The hell.(via Elite Daily)
Okay, Valentine's Day is OVER. Go home, everybody.
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Crowd loses their damn minds over one incredible slam dunk.
Even the judges.
Pretty much everything a professional athlete is capable of doing is impressive to someone who hunches over a computer all day, but this is definitely special. You can tell, because when Zach LaVine slam dunks in the first round of this contest all the other professional athletes around him go absolutely ballistic. And he scored a perfect 50, which seems like a weird number but is also the highest you can score?
Because of the video title, I thought for a moment that this was impressive because he was actually recreating a famous slam dunk from the classic Michael Jordan movie, Space Jam. Here it is:
Nope. No one gets as much air as Jordan.
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This cute pug does not want your stupid kisses.
No means no!
The world is divided into two general types: 1) those who think that people/dog kisses are a sweet gesture of interspecies bonding, and 2) those who think people/dog kisses are disgusting, germ-swapping aberrations of nature.
This pug is firmly in the second camp.
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SNL's 'Jeopardy' returned with Alex Trebek, Sean Connery, Justin Bieber, Tony Bennett, Burt Reynolds, etc.
Thank you for pandering to me.
Of all of SNL's 90s-2000s sketches, Celebrity Jeopardy was always great for guests and the cast because it was disarmingly easy to reprise ad infinitum. The premise was simple, just the ever-exasperated host tolerating absolute idiots in the form of celebrity impressions. If ever a vehicle was designed for a get-everyone-together-and-let-them-do-that-thing-we-remember show like the SNL 40th Anniversary extravaganza last night, it's this. It not only featured the eternal showdown between Will Ferrell's Trebek and Darrell Hammond's Sean Connery, but it squeezed in current cast members like Kate McKinnon's Bieber, Keenan Thompson's Bill Cosby, and Taran Killam's Cristoph Waltz with past Jeopardy favorites like Alec Baldwin's Tony Bennett, Norm MacDonald's Burt Reynold's and Jim Carrey's new-to-Jeopardy-but-not-to-SNL's Matthew McConaughey impression.
Yeah, this is exactly what we (I) wanted.
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An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile failed to perform today due to cold weather.
I am happy I am not this Oscar Meyer wiener.
Oh no! The Oscar Mayer #WienerMobile was in an accident in Enola! No one hurt, but the wiener is in bad shape. pic.twitter.com/cYJXNARvi9
— Jesse Knutson (@JesseKnutsonCBS) February 15, 2015
One of the several famed automotive hot dogs known as Oscar Meyer Wienermobiles was involved in a minor accident in Enola, Pennsylvania. No one was hurt. The Wienermobile, which is 27 feet long and travels the country promoting Oscar Meyer products, slid off the road and into a utility pole. This probably was a result of freezing temperatures throughout the mid-Atlantic region, which is not surprising as extreme cold is known to disproportionately affect wieners.
Oscar Meyer spokespeople say that while no one is injured, the damage done to the weiner's pride may be irreversible.
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Beginner's guide to caring about a fight between Khloé Kardashian and Amber Rose.
We'll make it as painless as possible.
For the newly hatched, Khloé is on the left, Amber Rose is on the right.(via Getty)
Two hot, rich women who are famous for reasons it's impossible to understand got into a fight this weekend over the same stuff more ordinary ladies throw down about all the time: cute boyz.
There are a lot of Kardashians and all their names start with K, so stick with me.
Soooooo, Kylie Jenner, 17:
She's a model.(via Instagram)
Is dating Tyga, 25:
Rowr, he's a rapper.(via Instagram)
Who used to date Blac Chyna, of indeterminate age:
Pretty, though!(via Instagram)
Who is friends with Amber Rose. Amber Rose was being interviewed by Power 105.1's The Breakfast Club and threw this out:
Kylie's a baby. She needs to go to bed at 7 o'clock and relax. It's ridiculous. Tyga should be ashamed of himself. That's how I feel. For sure. He has a beautiful woman and a baby and left that for a 16-year-old who just turned 17.
Since some of the best drama starts during radio interviews these days, Kylie's half-sister Khloé was on the case.
“I was a stripper since I was 15 years old," Amber Rose told Foxx. Please don't worry about my sister who has a career & her shit (1)
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) February 16, 2015
Oh my gosh. Everyone just got into calling each other whores from there.
Well, how could this spiral out more? Oh! That's right, there's also Instagram.
Oh, yes she did. (via Instagram)
SHE is Amber Rose and she is definitely not afraid to show off her body or her opinions. And SHE used to date Kanye West, married to Kim Kardashian, queen of the K's. Who does have a sex tape. As do most Americans somewhere on their hard drive, let's be honest.
Amber Rose kept going with the Instagram memes, showing a shot of the Kimye wedding with a reference to how she's from South Philly. Which means she goes HARD on social media, watch out:
"I utilize basic Photoshop functions, bitches!"(via Instagram)
Most of this is pretty silly or kind of sad, depending on your sensitivity levels. But then Amber Rose threw out a more damning accusation:
I'm so sick of these plastic ass hoes bullying ppl cuz they got the media outlets on payroll. Shits weak af
— Amber Rose (@DaRealAmberRose) February 17, 2015
The Kardashians definitely have the money and the power in most public throw downs. Though it's unclear if there's anything to 'win' here, it's not easy to say anything against them when you actually live in entertainment circles. Gotta admire Amber Rose's DGAF attitude. Do you, lady. Like you did Sunday, walking down a church aisle for Fashion Week:
"Underwear can eat it, too."(via Instagram)
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People who should have checked the background before getting their portraits painted.
Throw it in the garbage.
Fall asleep first at a slumber party and pics like this turn up.(via Wikipedia)
There are plenty of selfie fails circulating around the Internet, what with the kids and the iPhones. Must have been so much more of a bummer to sit for hours getting your portrait painted only to discover you should have checked what was going on in the background. Classic painting fails.
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Lady, someone's going through your sh*t!(via Wikipedia)
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Playing capture the flag through our group portrait, dude? Uncool.(via Wikipedia)
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Behind you. No, behind you.(via Wikipedia)
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Photobomb! Guy on the left is like, "PEACE."(via Wikipedia)
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"Psst, can I bum a cigarette? Oh, whoops. You getting painted, bro? My bad."(via Wikipedia)
6.
Well, this one looks great–oh, wait. Zoom in.(via Wikipedia)
Damn, the painter caught himself in the mirror. And photoshop won't be invented for almost 600 years.(via Wikipedia)
7.
Wild night. Surrounded by trippy monsters, holding a random baby and no one said, "Hey, your tit's out."(via Wikipedia)
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Solo celebration.
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7 cheaper alternatives to Sophie la Girafe for the budget-conscious baby.
Sophie La Girafe, the perfect baby toy. Chic and French. Looks good in any nursery. Made from 100% all natural rubber and food grade paints. Dark spots on Sophie provide visual stimulation for babies! Squeaks when pressed to stimulate baby's hearing. Light and easy to grip, even for small hands! Everyone wants one, but at $25 a pop, not everyone can afford one. Fear not. If you're in the market for a Sophie la Girafe but you're not making "Sophie la Girafe" money, here are some wonderful, less expensive options:
Sophie the Giraffe (name is identical except for replacement of word "la" with word "the" and American spelling of the word "giraffe.")
Giraffe itself is identical but people will inexplicably know you didn't buy the French one and will condescendingly shoot you looks of confusion or pity. Instead of Eiffel tower, packaging depicts image of the Time Warner building. $12
A Twenty Dollar Bill Folded in the Shape of a Giraffe
A perennial favorite! Your infant will love putting this twenty dollar bill in his mouth, as he inevitably gravitates toward anything covered in germs that will potentially give him a horrific respiratory illness. Light and easy to grip! Made in the U.S.A. out of whatever twenty dollar bills are made of. $20
Sophie the 84% Rubber Okapi
Made of 84% natural rubber, 14% human hair and 2% "unidentifiable source material," Sophie the rubber Okapi brings months of teething joy to children and hours of confused looks to other parents who have never seen an Okapi and are trying to figure out whether or not it is a real animal. (It looks like what would happen if a giraffe, a deer and a zebra's hindquarters had sex with each other) A wonderfully organic way to get your young child started on identifying lesser-known African megafauna. $13 each or 5 for $50
Greg the Spotted, Long-Necked Horse
Oh whatever, who's even going to know, right? Sold in a similarly neutral-toned box, Greg the Spotted, Long-Necked Horse looks enough like Sophie la Girafe from a distance of 15+ feet to garner accepting nods from other parents. Made in China but a really nice part of China where the topography looks a lot like certain parts of France. Greg the Spotted, Long-Necked Horse has spots (made of dried liquid eyeliner) that will stimulate your baby's vision and is made of a hard, unforgiving plastic that will teach him that, contrary to popular belief, life will not be soft, fulfilling or enjoyable. $4 in select stores
Sophie the Enriched Uranium Girafe
Perfect for newborns, the sound of people running away, shouting something about weapons-grade nuclear material will stimulate baby's hearing while the tactile Beryllium neutron reflector is wonderfully soothing for baby's gums. (Price Not Listed)
A Bunch of Pens
Sold in a box of 12, the contrasting dark caps and light bodies of these pens provide visual stimulation while the thinly rounded bodies aid in your child's dexterity and provide a small, hard surface that relieves the pain of teething when gummed. "A Bunch of Pens" can also prove wonderfully useful to adults since they are also, for all intents and purposes, working pens. $2-$15, depending on the quality of the pens
Sofia the Easily Destroyed Dog Toy
Sofia the Easily Destroyed Dog Toys are actually used Sophie la Girafes sold on eBay by parents whose children did not seem particularly taken with Sophie la Girafe. Sofia provides minutes of fun to your beloved four legged friend before she is ripped to shreds (Sofia, not your dog-- sorry for the dangling modifier). Chic and French, Sofia the Easily Destroyed Dog Toy provides great tactile stimulation for your vacuum cleaner as you use it to suck pieces of shredded rubber from the floor. $5 or best offer
(designed by Cole Mitchell)
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If these two Dachshunds can floss together, you can go back to work today
Here's your next team-building exercise.
These two Dachshunds should start doing the corporate speaking circuit with their patented team flossing technique for creating trust and cooperation among coworkers while reducing company overhead in the form of dental benefits. The group that can floss it together, can prof-it together. If you don't think that's more than good enough for corporate team-building seminars, you have never been to a corporate team-building seminar.
Ed. note — I managed to watch this 3 times without reaching the very end and seeing that it was AFV. I apologize for any distress this branded moment has caused you.
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