Easter
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Easter
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Easter
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Some car race spectators witnessed an epic crash and narrowly escaped death.
There were no injuries, though some underwear was ruined beyond repair.
These French racing fans were probably pretty psyched to simply watch some Peugeot RCZs zip past them as they competed in the Rallye de Franche Comté 2015. I doubt they had any idea that they'd also get to stare directly into the abyss for a fraction of a second before being pulled out and sent back on their way to continue their lives.
Betcha they really enjoyed their baguettes and wine that night.
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SNL packs a billion years worth of satire into one Scientology parody video.
The great lord Zuumu-7 approves this video.
If you haven't seen Going Clear, the new HBO new documentary about Scientology, I highly recommend you stop what you're doing right now and stuff that thing into your eyeballs immediately. Once you've seen that, this fake music video from last night's episode of Saturday Night Live will seem even more amazing than it already is.
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Easter
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This may be the greatest comment section in the history of Facebook.
Comments on a thread about a girl named Beyoncé took a turn for the hilarious.
“Sometimes I hate my name because it always draws attention to me, and I’m not a very social person. My family moved...
Posted by Humans of New York on Saturday, April 4, 2015
On Saturday, Humans of New York shared a photo of a girl who moved from Pennsylvania to New York this year and had to start at a new school. Because her name is Beyoncé and she's "not a very social person," she dreaded the inevitable singing of "All the Single Ladies" when her name was announced in class.
Pretty soon, supportive commenters started weighing in with their own challenging given names:
But this guy won the thread:
Yikes.
As someone with the unusual name "Shira," I feel your pain, not-famous Beyoncé. I've heard every variation on "She-Ra is badass!" and "Is your brother He-Man?"
The worst part is that this is what I look like:
I have great legs. (via Wikipedia/Filmation and BCI Eclipse and Entertainment Rights)
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This is the painfully cute way Taylor Swift celebrated Easter.
Cute Taylor Swift simply outdoes herself (cuteness-wise) in cute race against cute brother to find all the cute Easter eggs.
Singer-songwriter-cutie Swift shared the above adorable Instagram video yesterday of her and her brother fighting to get all the Easter eggs. She captioned it: "When your parents arrange a competitive sibling Easter egg hunt, failing to take into account that their children are Ross and Monica."
Oh no. No, you did not just compare your sweet self to our nostalgic-favorite TV show Friends, girl. We only have so much love we can give to your darling antics!
Swift followed up the first video with a second that might be even more charming if such a thing is possible:
Stop. Just stop. (But seriously, don't stop.)
MY HEAD IS LITERALLY (FIGURATIVELY, BUT LIKE LITERALLY) GOING TO EXPLODE FROM THE AMAZING WANT TO BE BEST FRIEND WANT WANT SO FRIEND CUTE NICE GIRL.
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Easter
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Article 11
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A famous actress's brother got into medical school by pretending to be black.
Vijay Chokalingam, the brother of 'Mindy Project' star Mindy Kaling, changed his identity in 1999 to take advantage of affirmative action policies.
The Jojo Project.(via almostblack.com)
There are a lot of controversial stories about race that come to our attention, but this has to be one of the weirdest. For one thing, it has to do with the complex issue of academic admissions and affirmative action. Furthermore, it's about someone pulling a complicated and ethically ambiguous con. Also, the individual involved is trying to profit off of it by writing a book. And finally, his sister is a celebrity. It sounds like a contrived sitcom premise, which is ironic. Good sitcom writing runs in the family.
Vijay Chokalingam is an author, public speaker, and resume coach from Cambridge, Massachusetts. His parents were Indian immigrants from Nigeria. His sister, born Vera Chokalingam, is better known as actor/writer Mindy Kaling, star and creator of The Mindy Project, as well as a former cast member and writer on The Office.
Can you see the resemblance?(Getty, almostblack.com)
Back in the late 90s, Vijay was a student and self-described frat boy about to graduate from the University of Chicago. He dreamed of going to medical school, but due to his love for partying, lacked the grades or MCAT scores to get into any of the schools of his choice. That's when he hit on a devious scheme. In his own words:
In my junior year of college, I realized that I didn't have the grades or test scores to get into medical school, at least not as an Indian-American.
Still, I was determined to become a doctor and I knew that admission standards for certain minorities under affirmative action were, let's say… less stringent?
So, I shaved my head, trimmed my long Indian eyelashes, and applied to medical school as a black man.
Chokalingam also applied to schools using his middle name, Jojo, and even joined the Organization of Black Students. His ploy worked, and he was accepted to St. Louis University School of Medicine in 1999. He went on to attend the school until 2004, when he dropped out because he decided he didn't want to be a doctor anymore, and his grades were terrible.
Now, 11 years later, Chokalingam is writing a book about his experiences with co-author Matthew Scott Hansen. Almost Black – The True Story Of An Indian American Who Got Into Medical School Pretending To Be An African American is a work in progress, but the authors have already launched a website, almostblack.com, in order to find a publisher and generate publicity. Chokalingam says that the book is about his "opposition to affirmative action discrimination," as well as his experiences being treated like a black man by the world at large. Here is his own humble description:
Almost Black: The True Story Of An Indian American Who Got Into Medical School Posing As An African American combines the comic tone of the 1986 movie Soul Man starring C. Thomas Howell and James Earl Jones (hopefully a helluva lot funnier than that film), with the deep, poignant and often wrenching observations of John Howard Griffin's Black Like Me. Resembling a mashup of the two works (but weighted far more toward the funny), I was a hard-partying college frat boy who discovered the seriousness and complexity of America's racial problems while posing as a black man. In Black Like Me Griffin was a white man posing as a black man in the pre-Civil Rights Act of 1964 American South. I wasn't on some intense social mission as he was, but I came away changed, as Griffin did.
Maybe he should have changed more. Regardless of how you feel about affirmative action or any of the racial issues he's addressing, there's no way Chokalingam comes off well in this story. At best, he's a huckster. If he believes affirmative action is unfair and racist, it's not an effective protest to exploit that for his own gain, even if he didn't graduate. And now, by writing this book, he's just exploiting it again. He's really getting a dialogue going, but it's just about what a tool he is.
And it seems like his sister Mindy agrees. According to Vijay himself, she said, "This will bring shame on our family." Considering she is an accomplished writer with two TV series and a successful book of her own, that should count for something. But at least he's not capitalizing on his sister by writing this book under the name "Jojo Kaling." And he could, too. Changing his identity is something he's very comfortable with.
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Article 9
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Article 8
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Witness the worst possible thing that can happen to your balls at a soccer game.
Non-fútbol fan recap: man tries to slide-tackle ball away from goal, slide-tackles balls on goalpost instead.
Fútbol fan recap: In a matchup between the Spanish teams of Real Madrid and Granada, Real Madrid won by a devastating 9-1. More humiliating than the score, however, was this moment when a defender attempting to knock Gareth Bale's shot off course ended up with a close encounter between the Granada player's balls and the goalpost. To make matters worse, you can't see his jersey number and none of the play-by-plays noted who it was because he never touches the ball. If anyone watched the game and recalls who, exactly, was humiliated, let us know.
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A guy is turning a large birthmark on his arm into a map of an imaginary world.
Using only a pen to outline his birthmark, this guy made a seriously amazing tattoo.
Inked at birth. (via Mneneon)
Imgur user Mneneon, a New York-based college student named Jacob, imagined his naturally occurring birthmark to be water as he navigated the new art of skin cartography.
What would really be cool is if he'd been born with a big black "x" on his forearm.
(via Mneneon)
Wielding a pen and a ton of creativity, he mapped an entire world on his right arm. I can already see tiny ships sailing the rocky coasts of the first-ever human archipelago.
A majestic new land in the palm of your hand. (via Mneneon)
The images have a Middle Earth feel of which Lord of The Rings fans would definitely be jealous. And tattoo enthusiasts are probably jealous he was born partially inked. Jacob calls his creation a "birthmap" and wisely stated in an interview with BuzzFeed, “Your birthmark doesn't define you any more than you let it." Should he make his temporary tattoo permanent, he'll always have the best answer to the common question "what does your tattoo mean?"
Check out more images of Mneneon's birthmark map on imgur.
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - April 6, 2015
1. John Oliver Travels To Russia To Talk To Edward Snowden About Penises
John Oliver, host of HBO's Last Week Tonight, traveled all the way to Moscow to talk to NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden about the U.S. government's obsession with collecting images of our genitalia. "Well, the good news is that there's no program named, 'The Dick Pic Program. The bad news is that they're still collecting everybody's information—including your dick pics," Snowden informed Oliver. "I guess I never thought about putting it into the context of your junk."
If Snowden took out Putin with a supervirus, he definitely gets to come back, right?
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 13, 2015
2. Jeb Bush Experimented With Hispanicism In His Younger Days
Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush identified his ethnicity as "Hispanic" on a 2009 Miami-Dade County voter registration application, leading many Democrats to claim that the presidential hopeful committed a third degree felony before returning to their regular hobby, making excuses for Hillary Clinton's email transgressions.
This Jeb Bush Hispanic thing is news to me. Are we allowed to just pick? Because I want to be Jamaican. Can I do that?
— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) April 6, 2015
3. New 'Twin Peaks' Season Is Dead, Wrapped In Plastic
Filmmaker David Lynch has pulled out of Showtime's much-anticipated new season of the cult television series Twin Peaks, after he and the cable network's executives could not come to an acceptable monetary agreement. "After one year and four months of negotiations, I left because not enough money was offered to do the script the way I felt it needed to be done," he explained in a tweet that was probably written from the inside of a vintage cement mixer or something.
Am I sad about the Twin Peaks news? No, because people who killed themselves don't feel anything.
— Allie Goertz (@AllieGoertz) April 6, 2015
4. New Bionic Boot To Make It Easier For You To Walk To Car To Buy More Ice Cream
Researchers at Carnegie Mellon and North Carolina State universities have developed a leg-mounted exoskeleton that will actually make the action of walking 7 percent more efficient, meaning that you'll soon be able to do 7 percent less work at the gym and get 7 percent fatter.
laughter is my exoskeleton
— John DeVore (@JohnDeVore) January 7, 2015
5. 'Mad Men' Returns To TV Screens With Explosive Action-Filled Episode
AMC's Mad Menreturned last night with the first of its seven final episodes. Reviews were mostly positive for the hour of television, which consisted mainly of the main character Don Draper sitting quietly and staring off into the middle distance while looking dapper but vaguely empty.
My wife doesn't like it when, during Mad Men, I pump my fist and exclaim "YES! Draper scores again!"
— Neal Pollack (@nealpollack) April 6, 2015
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Article 4
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5 moments from last night's 'Mad Men' premiere that will make you actually appreciate your job on a Monday.
'Mad Men' is back on AMC, and so (unfortunately) is the workweek.
Here are the five moments from last night's premiere that will make you happy you have your job in the here and now and don't work at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce in 1970.
1. At least your elevator small talk isn't this tense.
(via AMC)
Sure, someone saying "finally feels like spring out there!" makes you want to push the button for the highest floor in the building and reenact the opening credits from this show, but that's nothing compared to Peggy snidely taking the side of the misogynist men who belittled Joan in a meeting. Last night's episode showed exactly how much damage can be done in just a few floors' time.
2. You didn't get fired.
(via AMC)
Good for you! You showed up Monday and still have a job (and maybe even both eyes to stare at a computer screen all day). Ken's father-in-law retired, and along with that came the news that Ken needed to give all his accounts to Pete and hit the bricks! So collect that paycheck and don't fret about moving to the woods to write your novel. Just write it at your desk during your lunch break.
3. Nobody goes all 'Fifty Shades of Grey' with you while you model a mink coat in front of sleazy dudes.
(via AMC)
Even if you don't currently have a job, I'd say don't go looking for this one. Collecting unemployment would be better than living out a male fantasy in front of men who are fantasizing about women all day. Now eating at your desk doesn't seem so bad in comparison to being gawked at while semi-nude, does it?
4. You don't have the type of job that stresses you out so much you need to bang a random waitress or fly to Paris with a stranger.
(via AMC)
Flying to Paris and sleeping with strangers might sound fun, but if there's one thing we've learned from Mad Men, it's that all pleasure is fleeting and leaves people empty. You should stick with your family and, I don't know...volunteer somewhere? Yeah. That seems fulfilling. The one thing you shouldn't do is let your job dictate all of your feelings like Peggy and Don seem to. Take a vacation every once in awhile. That's the joy of having a job in the 21st Century. Your job will let you take one! They like their employees to be happy and not so stressed that they try to leave the country with no notice or randomly bang someone in an alley.
5. You don't have to deal with Sterling's mustache.
(via AMC)
Seriously. No one even addressed it on the show. Thank God you work in 2015 where that kind of facial hair would be mocked by coworkers until it got shaved off by lunch.
Long story short: I'd rather have my foot run over by a tractor than work in advertising!
(via Tumblr)
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Get ready for National Beer Day! It's more than just an excuse to drink beer (but it's also an excuse to drink beer).
For you, every day may be National Beer Day, but it's actually only one day a year, April 7.
Let's drink to beer. (Thinkstock)
National Beer Day is upon us once more, and with it, an excellent reason to drink beer.
The holiday marks the anniversary of the signing of the Cullen-Harrison Act of 1933, which legalized the sale of beer in the United States with an alcohol content of 3.2% or lower. Selling beer had been illegal ever since the start of Prohibition in 1920.
The bill was signed into law by President Franklin D. Roosevelt, who knew how to have a good time, if this photoshop job of him enjoying a brew is any indication:
The kind of president you'd want to get a beer with. (Getty)
The bill was signed on March 22 and went into effect on April 7. On that day, people gathered at their local breweries and pubs to buy their first legal beers in years. And that's why we continue to celebrate National Beer Day to this very beer day.
Mark the occasion by sending your beer-loving friends a National Beer Day Someecard:
Check out more awesome National Beer Day info and the latest brew news, tips and tricks.
©2015 Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, MO
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Who's creepier: the teacher who boned a student, or the judge who called her "dangling candy?"
The judge had some harsh and strange words for a former teacher who had sex with a 17-year-old student.
She won't be dangling that candy any time soon.(via NBC Philadelphia)
Erica Ann Ginnetti, a former teacher at Lower Moreland High School in Montgomery County, PA, was sentenced this week to 30 days in prison for having sex with a 17-year-old male student. The relationship, which began in 2013 and ended in early 2014, was revealed when the student shared bikini and thong pictures of Mrs. Ginnetti with his friends at school, as well as a striptease video. Many are saying that the 30-day sentence is too lenient, but that's not the whole punishment. Ginnetti will also have to spend 60 days under house arrest, register as a sex offender, and worst of all, live with the shame of the judge's bizarre words during her sentencing.
Judge Garrett D. Page described the sexy photos of Ginnetti as "dangling candy" used to tempt her young victim. He added:
"What young man would not jump on that candy?"
Way to make yourself look creepier than the married woman who had sex with a 17-year-old, your honor. The same woman who did this at a school talent show, by the way:
Nor was Judge Page done there. He went on to say:
"One bad day because of sexual hunger has resulted in all this avalanche of harm."
You see, it's a classic mistake. You dangle your candy in front of a young man with sexual hunger, how can he not jump on it? You'll cause a veritable avalanche of harm. An avalanche of hunger, dangling in the breeze… dangling candy, falling from its dangling spot in an avalanche of sexual candy… hungry dangly sexual candy gyrating in a sexy Latin dance… sexy pictures downloading in an avalanche of forbidden high school sex…
Damn you, Mrs. Ginnetti! Get out of my head!
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