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Article 5
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This hilarious slideshow is also one of the best episode recaps of 'Game of Thrones' out there.
In Which We Grudgingly Acknowledge Other Funny Recaps Exist
As many of you know, we put out recaps for Game of Thrones every week, "If Game of Thrones took place entirely on Facebook." These big posts are a source of pride for us, but they also take a long time to make and we are still working on this week's premiere episode. So, in the meantime, please enjoy this completely different and yet also hilarious episode recap from Chrys of the Tumblr "Captain Of All Ships." You can see all of Chrys's episode recaps on Tumblr, but it has also helpfully been uploaded to this easy-to-navigate slideshow.
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Stay tuned for our episode recap in the very near future.
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Article 3
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Dennis Quaid melts down in video that's definitely not fake.
Totally still scared of Dennis Quaid even if this is staged.
"I am a pro!" (screenshot via TMZ)
Dennis Quaid, an actor you may remember from movies like The Big Easy and Breaking Away (or, if you're not into movies your parents like, that TV show Vegas, I guess) completely melted down on the set of a film. It's an expletive-filled rant that was not at all staged, even though TMZ immediately claimed it was probably a stunt just hours after posting about it. Some are saying it's another Kimmel prank, but my money is on a surprise return of Tom Green's show. Here's the clip (NSFW: language). It's scary even though it might not be real:
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Larry Wilmore proves Hillary Clinton is the Khaleesi, and her dragon is a naughty puppy.
Many have tried to link Game of Thrones and the 2016 election, but The Nightly Show gets it right.
Larry Wilmore and guest commentator Miles Thompson want us to realize something very important about Hillary Clinton: we shouldn't oppose her unless we want a dog to die. To be fair, that's a quality American voters really respect. Also, Rand Paul is much less of a Stannis than his dad, but he's still a Stannis.
But she doesn't want you to think about, well, literally every phase of her career, so instead, she wants you to know she'll get your dog to behave. She also knows you like literally any other person you look at slightly more than her, even if you respect her. So, that's the face of her campaign: anyone else. And that dog, whose life is in your hands.
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22 of the most perfectly demented Cards Against Humanity combinations of all time.
1.
He would have wanted it that way.(via reddit)
There's nothing quite like the feeling of satisfaction that comes with playing the perfect game-ending, un-toppable card combination in Cards Against Humanity. It's those moments that make the game so here are 22 of those moments to make your day.
2.
That Abraham Lincoln was a slippery fella. (via reddit)
3.
She looks so charmed she caught a touch of the vapors.(via reddit)
4.
Breathtakingly beautiful when you think about it like that.(via reddit)
5.
"Mr. Squishy is as malignant as he is inoperable."(via reddit)
6.
Ghengis Khan, let me rock you / Let me rock you, Ghengis Khan(via reddit)
7.
Bruce Wayne is a little short of being a trillionaire, but OK.(via reddit)
8.
One of the weirdest ways to announce you're becoming a vegetarian.(via reddit)
9.
Hindsight is always 20/20.(via reddit)
10.
This was probably the initial response to the invention of circumcision.(via reddit)
11.
Never trust the devil and his square-shaped buckets.(via reddit)
12.
What if I told you that's what it was the whole time?(via reddit)
13.
Learn from the mistakes your father made.(via reddit)
14.
I get it!(via reddit)
15.
"By our powers combined..."(via reddit)
16.
Eugenics can be adorable.(via reddit)
17.
Man, that guy will clean anything.(via reddit)
18.
Leonardo DiCaprio can't catch a break.(via reddit)
19.
Jim Henson was such a pervert.(via reddit)
20.
If that doesn't work, make yourself appear as large as possible to frighten him.(via reddit)
21.
Say it again!(via reddit)
22.
It just got weird.(via reddit)
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What it looks like to get into a head-on collision with a truck and walk away without a scratch.
Every day not trapped in a compressed heap of twisted metal is a good day.
Have you ever been rear-ended into the path of an oncoming delivery truck? Daryl Peterson has. Luckily for all concerned, he lived to post the dashcam footage onto YouTube. Not only did he live; he wasn't even hurt.
"Not even a scratch, no injuries at all," he explained in the comments of his video. "It looks worse on camera than real life... I bounced around quite a bit inside the Escape, but modern cars are well built, and I can attest that the crumple zones work well."
In case you're as unaware as I was a few moments ago, crumple zones are structural features built into cars, specifically designed to absorb the impact of a crash, thus preventing the driver and passengers from becoming human crumple zones. I like that feature! And I really like seeing how well it works!
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Anna Kendrick tweets her demand for some 'Game of Thrones' penis.
All should be fair in love, war and gratuitous HBO nudity.
One of the main reasons that actress Anna Kendrick is so beloved on the Internet is her refreshing willingness to joke about her own prurient thoughts. And one of the reasons that HBO's Game of Thrones is so beloved on the Internet is its refreshing willingness to show really hot naked people approximately every three minutes.
Unfortunately for about half the audience, the show's nudity tends to skew more toward boobs than balls, a fact that seems to be putting a kink in Kendrick's enjoyment of the show:
Madonna kissed Drake, Hilary's running for president, but HBO STILL hasn't shown this dude's dick?? #FeministPrioritypic.twitter.com/wPH7IZdIDf
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) April 13, 2015
I totally understand her frustration, but I feel compelled to point out that there have been a few penises gracing our screens via this show, most notably Theon's. Though, that was all the way back in Season 1, and I don't think he'll get a chance to display his wares again.
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Everyone is really excited about #Hillvetica, the new font based on Clinton's logo. People are weird.
What's more exciting than politics? Typefaces!
Nothing says topical hilarity like politician-themed non-serif fonts. (via @verymeanline)
That's right, we're talking about mother-fonting fonts. Specifically, #Hillvetica, a new typeface created by Philadelphia-based designer Rick Wolff (he originally titled it Hillary Bold, he quickly gave in to the much catchier hashtag name).
Hillary Bold. Because, America. You're welcome. pic.twitter.com/Y2HRzM4tMn
— Rick Wolff (@RickWolff) April 13, 2015
Wolff is crowdfunding an effort to turn the design into a fully-functional font you can download and use on your computer. In the meantime, people have been copying and pasting the letters by hand to create their own messages, or using a widget someone designed for the Washington Post. Some of them were incredibly creative, and others were more...inevitable.
Well, duh. (via @ElliotSchwartz)
I'd like to announce my reelection campaign to retain the Khanate #Hillvetica@RickWolffpic.twitter.com/VQpcilttXP
— PuppyKhan (@PuppyKhan) April 14, 2015
Done and done http://t.co/2xv3r7Ae9F#Hillvetica
— Heard on the Hill (@HeardontheHill) April 14, 2015
We went to the Washington Post to play with their #Hillvetica tool to create a message we truly thought Hillary herself could endorse.
What slogans and/or uses for the font can you come up with?
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Tax Day
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Women of all ages were asked to draw and describe "the perfect penis."
Ideally, they'd be three-dimensional.
With these tools, show us the best tool.
(screengrab via YouTube)
Women were gathered from all walks of life to describe the perfect penis...by drawing one! The results may make you feel uncomfortable or confident. Depends.
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See an astronaut's daughter send her dad a message in space... by writing it on the earth.
How do you send a love note to space? By writing it very, very large on the Earth.
Houston teenager Stephanie has a dad who travels for work — to the International Space Station. So when she wanted to write him a note letting him know how much she loves him, it had to be big: Like, written by several cars on a city-sized piece of land big. That's where Hyundai came in to help Stephanie out.
Let's get the cynical part out of the way — yes, this video was made as a publicity stunt to promote the new Hyundai Genesis. But it's also a genuinely sweet gesture and a pretty cool engineering feat. In fact, it broke the Guinness World Record for "the largest tire track image."
Oh, and if you're wondering about other record-breaking images that might exist, there's also "largest painting by mouth by a team." Yup, you can do that as a team. Painting by mouth just got less lonely, guys!
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10 great actors who suck now, and the movies streaming on Netflix that show how great they were.
How do you know you've made it as an actor? When you can make a bunch of flops and people somehow keep giving you movies.
Oh, you were all once so innocent and not-shitty.
(via MovieCLIP and Paramount Movies on YouTube)
Terrible actors aren't born. Well, some of them are. But some of them are made terrible by being great actors who, over time, slide into a lukewarm bath of crapocity. Here are 10 now-sucky actors who used to be great, and the films currently streaming on Netflix that will remind you of how awesome they once were.
1. Adam Sandler
For many of us who were born in the 80s, Sandler's films are hard-wired into our brains — a sure way to break the tension with any stranger is to quote pretty much anything from Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore in Sandler's voice. ("Stop looking at me, schwwwwwan!" See? Now we're friends.) Sandler was even successful at moving into drama in PT Anderson's Punch Drunk Love. But Sandler has jumped into a big ball pit of mediocrity* over the last 10 or so years, making crap piles like Blended and Jack and Jill (which scored a flabbergasting 3% on Rotten Tomatoes— I'm pretty sure if you redubbed the entire film with absolute nonsense words, it would score higher). Sandler has even admitted that he now chooses films based on whether or not they film somewhere that would be nice to visit.
Films to watch on Netflix:Punch Drunk Love, Billy Madison
Films to avoid on Netflix: 50 First Dates, Click
2. Eddie Murphy
Long before Sandler was playing both brother and sister in Jack and Jill, Eddie Murphy was Klumpin' his way around the Nutty Professor films, proving that with enough acting skill, one man can play several different people farting. Murphy has long been considered kind of a jerk, but at least he used to make great movies and do great stand up. In this list of 25 essential 80s comedies, three of them are Eddie Murphy films — Coming to America, Trading Places, and Beverly Hills Cop.
Films to watch on Netflix:Eddie Murphy: Delirious, Beverly Hills Cop, Trading Places, Coming to America
Films to avoid on Netflix:Daddy Day Care
3. John Travolta
When you see John Travolta running around with an inexplicable Serbian accent during Killing Season (the killing season appears to be fall, by the way), it can be difficult to remember that the man was once so many other things — a singing, dancing heartthrob in Grease, a badass hit man in Pulp Fiction, a tough alien in Battlefield Earth... wait, we should forget about that last one, too. But the guy was even good in the film Face/Off, which is well-regarded despite the fact that it also stars Nicholas Cage and is a ridiculous film about men changing their faces.
Films to watch on Netflix:Grease, Pulp Fiction, Face/Off
Films to avoid on Netflix:Killing Season
4. Robert De Niro
While we're on the topic of the Killing Season, it takes two to... make a film called Killing Season, and De Niro is the fool who agreed to be the other piece of bread in that shit sandwich. De Niro is still a good actor, but like one of those guys who tries to hand out his rap album to strangers on the street, De Niro will just give his acting to anyone. Meet the Parents? Sure! 50 sequels to it? Why not! Analyze This, that, and the other? Yup. Last Vegas? More like "Not his last paycheck from a milquetoast comedy!" But this is the man who was in Taxi Driver. The King of Comedy. Jackie Brown. Casino. Basically, a bunch of things that are so much better than 75% of the movies he's making now.
Films to watch on Netflix:Silver Linings Playbook, Taxi Driver, Jackie Brown
Films to avoid on Netflix:Killing Season, The Big Wedding
5. Lindsay Lohan
It feels kind of awful to point out that Lindsay Lohan is worse than she used to be, because she was a woman who grew up in Hollywood and fell apart so publicly. That said, the same girl who made 2004's Mean Girls so excellent gave a performance in 2009's Labor Pains that made one reviewer say of Lohan, "she teeters through scene after scene, announcing her lines in varying degrees of confusion (eyes wide) and exasperation (eyes wider)." And this is before the confusing crap-pile of an Elizabeth Taylor bio pic, Liz & Dick, which was, at best, "spectacularly bad." At least if you're going to be bad, you can be spectacular at it!
Films to watch on Netflix: Mean Girls
Films to avoid on Netflix:Liz & Dick
6. Mike Myers
Mike Myers is an incredibly gifted comedic actor, and with Wayne's World and Austin Powers, he anchored two of the biggest comedy movie franchises of the 90s. And then... The Love Guru. A film so bad that, in the trailer, they felt the need to add bell noises when Myers makes winky looks to camera. Which he does a lot. Unlike some of the other folks on this list, I think enough time has passed for us to welcome Myers back with open arms. And based on all the other nostalgia-fueled films that have been announced recently, either Wayne's World 3 or Austin Powers 4 has to be on the way, right?
Films to watch on Netflix:Wayne's World, Wayne's World 2
Films to avoid on Netflix: Lucky for Mike, most of his worst films aren't streaming. But you should probably still skip his mediocre dramatic foray Pete's Meteor.
7. Mel Gibson
When you search for someone in 2015 and the film they made in 1995 is the first thing everyone mentions even though they've stayed active, there's probably something wrong with their career. And Braveheart is great. Mad Max? Yes, I'm on board. Questionable portrayal of Jews in your film Passion of the Christ and then drunken tirades about how Jews are ruling the world? Go fuck yourself, Mel. But his career was having problems before that, too — anyone remember a grounded little "romantic" "comedy" called What Women Want about an alpha male who gets an electric shock and then can hear women's thoughts, and also that man is Mel Gibson? I feel like the writer pitched that concept to a Hollywood exec, saying "I dare you to make this movie." And the exec was like "I dare you to write it." And they kept daring and double-daring each other until it was in all of our goddamn movie theaters.
Films to watch on Netflix:Braveheart
Films to avoid on Netflix:Passion of the Christ
8. Johnny Depp
It's one thing to have a type or style that you do and another to just devolve into doing a face-painted weirdo in every single film you make. Lone Ranger, Pirates of the Caribbean 1-15, Alice in Wonderland, Dark Shadows... I'm not trying to say I want Johnny Depp to stop being a weirdo — Edward Scissorhands and Benny and Joon are both nostalgic favorites of mine — but maybe try throwing something else in the mix? At least a different kind of weirdo, man? (And no, Mordecai doesn't count — the Rotten Tomatoes critics consensus on that one was that it was "aggressively strange and willfully unfunny.") Maybe Johnny Depp doesn't remember that he's allowed to play normal guys. Let's all go give him a hug.
Films to watch on Netflix:What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Lost in La Mancha, Donnie Brasco
Films to avoid on Netflix: Like Mike Myers, Depp's worst films aren't streaming right now. Good for you, buddy.
9. Nicolas Cage
Nicolas Cage willingly starred in a very serious film about the rapture that beat out Jack and Jill for the lowest Rotten Tomatoes rating on this list—Left Behindnetted just 2% on the Tomatometer. 2%! And this is after starring in poop films like Ghost Rider and a bunch of movies with one-word titles like Rage and Outcast, as if whoever released the films was afraid that more than one word would frighten their target audience away. ("Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance"? That has five words! Collections of words scare me!")
All of this said, Nicholas Cage — especially early Nicholas Cage, when he paired up with excellent filmmakers — can be a delight. Raising Arizona, Moonstruck, and Adaptation are all classics. Find a child who only knows recent Nic Cage, and show them one of these films. Actually, please just show a child Adaptation, and let me know how that goes.
Films to watch on Netflix:Moonstruck
Films to avoid on Netflix:Seeking Justice, Rage
10. Harrison Ford
On the eve of the new Star Wars films, let's all hold hands and remember a Harrison Ford who meant something. Not the Harrison Ford who was getting nuked in the fridge, but the one in the original Indiana Jones trilogy: flawed, debonair, and risk-taking but still within the realm of physical believability. Let's remember Harrison's Blade Runner, his great performance in Witness, and all of the other films that occurred before Ford began making the seemingly inevitable "I'm getting older so I guess I'm making a lot of action movies?" slide that so many of the men on this list made.
Films to watch on Netflix:Witness
Films to avoid on Netflix:Paranoia
* In the ball pit of mediocrity, all of the balls are khaki-colored.
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Soldier falls outside Buckingham Palace during Changing the Guard ceremony.
It's embarrassing to fall in front of other people. It's extra embarrassing when your primary job description is "stand there and look serious."
A member of the Queen's Guard gave a bit of accidental flair to a recent Changing the Guard ceremony when he slipped and, to put it casually, "ate it." You can tell that the poor guy was pretty embarrassed too, blushing and looking side to side before settling back into his stoic norm.
Also, I love how the person who posted the video put in the title "falls in front of hundreds of tourists" as if tourists are the most-embarrassing people to do something in front of, and not the people who you are least likely to ever see again in your life.
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Tax Day
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Tax Day
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Tax Day
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Tax Day
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