Marie Hunt dropped out of school in the 1920s to help care for her siblings, but she finally got to walk down the aisle.

In the eighth grade, Wisconsin resident Marie Hunt had to drop out of school to help care for her 8 brothers and sisters. Presumably, she has since led a full life of wonder and achievements, but at 103, she still wasn't done checking things off the bucket list.

Marie currently lives at Meadows Assisted Living and Memory Care, and that's where she told her RN that her biggest regret was never getting her high school diploma. The RN, Debra Pfaff, got together with Marie's social worker Laura Burden, and they cooked up a plan to give her the ceremony she didn't get to experience in 1928.

Marie Hunt has lived in the town of Spring Green her whole life, so she received the diploma from the same high school her compatriots did, River Valley High. Her friends and family were also all in attendance.

While she did not complete any standardized GED tests for the honor, I think we can all agree that a lifetime of 103 years is definitely more than equivalent to a high school education. Congratulations, Marie!

In Idaho, a good samaritan saved a man from plunging off a 30-foot cliff.

Way to go, dude.(Barry Kough/Livingston Tribune)

True stories of heroism don't come along every day. That's part of why they're so satisfying. And when someone captures them in an amazing dramatic photograph, that's even better.

That's what happened in this story out of Lewiston, Idaho. Jason Warnock was driving beneath Bryden Canyon when he saw debris on the road. Sensing that something was amiss, he followed the road up to the top of the canyon, where he found Mathew Sitko's truck on the edge of the 30-foot cliff, held back by nothing but a strained chain-link fence. He got out and approached the car, first trying to break the passenger-side window with a Leatherman tool before convicing Sitko to roll it down. Sitko was badly shaken up, but Warnock managed to pull him out of the window and get him to safety.

Warnock left just as police arrived, without even giving his name. It would be another 24 hours before any of them knew who had saved Sitko's life. According to Lewiston police officer Eric Olson, “He said he had to go, and he left." How's that for giving a police statement? I'm just glad the police tracked Warnock down, so he can get the kudos he so rightly deserves. Otherwise, this story would be a real cliffhanger.

She's in the news, sweetheart.

We've all had one of those days from time to time. You know what I'm talking about. Those difficult afternoons when we allow minor inconveniences in our lives to put us into a rage and then we take out all of our frustrations on the random people in our path by trying to reduce them to subhuman puddles of emotional goo. Those days!

Oh, are you unfamiliar with those days? That probably because you're not an important person who works in television and went to college. Here, let ESPN reporter Britt McHenry show you what a bad day looks like. It all started when some dumb people from a towing company dragged her illegally parked car away to some filthy hole in Arlington, Virginia. And then it got even worse when she was forced to debase herself by interacting with them. Take a look:

To be fair, McHenry did issue a heartfelt apology when she discovered that the foul-smelling apes who frequent the Internet were waving their hairy fists around and making angry grunting noises about her:

"In an intense and stressful moment, I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and said some insulting and regrettable things. As frustrated as I was, I should always choose to be respectful and take the high road. I am so sorry for my actions and will learn from this mistake."

Aw, that's nice. Her press agent seems so remorseful.

Even so, ESPN officials need to show people who enjoy being outraged that they are capable of making an empty gesture of humanity, so they have decided to give McHenry one week's vacation so that she can think about what she did while lazing in her backyard in the temperate spring weather.

Update from ESPN: Britt McHenry has been suspended for 1 week effectively immediately.

— Josh Krulewitz (@jksports) April 16, 2015

Justice, as they say, is a dish best served obligatorily.

I'm not a million percent sure why ESPN actually had to intervene in the first place. It's not like she was berating commoners in the capacity of her job. Aren't people allowed to be asshole scumbags in their own private time?

Isn't this still America?

In addition to being a cinematic masterpiece, this is somehow both the most-macho and least-sexist bachelor party idea out there.

This is the story of a group of childhood friends so perfect, it's amazing they weren't already in a coming-of-age story. They threw their Rambo-obsessed filmmaker buddy the greatest bachelor party known to man. He got to save hostages, shoot fireworks, and blow up the bad-guy compound in the woods, living out his favorite movie while we all continue to live out Office Space. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to tell everyone my favorite movie is the one where his friends pay off all his student loans.

I hope she's reGOOPerating from her ordeal. (via Getty)

To be honest, my knee-jerk reaction to the news that Gwyneth Paltrow gave up on Mario Batali's #FoodBankNYCChallenge after four days was to make some smart-ass comment along the lines of "I guess it's kind of hard to find decent free-range de-glutenized quinoa puffs for under $60 a pound." But then I decided that no, I'm not going to do that. So, sadly, you won't get to read that joke. Instead, you'll have to read my experiment with a thing I recently heard about called "empathy."

Because here's the thing: Gwyneth Paltrow can tend toward the sillier end of the humanity spectrum, but she's still a human. And she did actually take time away from planning Portuguese pheasant roast dinner parties for her coterie of movie stars, astrophysicists and world leaders long enough to try living on $29 for one week, like the people in the federal Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program do. Nobody made her do that. And four days is still four days longer than most wealthy celebrities spend trying to understand what this country's poor go through. Plus, the very fact that you're reading about SNAP on a blog that specializes in videos of cats farting the theme to Game of Thrones means her efforts were not in vain.

Okay, it is a bit comically Paltrow-esque that she gave up, in part, so that she could eat a "half a bag of black licorice" (which I'm assuming was saffron-infused), but that doesn't really take away from the fact living on less than $30 is just about impossible. (And don't think that many SNAP recipients wouldn't kill for some saffron-infused black licorice now and again.) That she didn't go a full week doesn't show what a phony she is so much as it shows what bullshit our tax-funded federal aid actually is.

Speaking as somebody who has taken this challenge (albeit inadvertently) on several occasion during my 20s and 30s, I'll tell you that if I'd had the opportunity to pull the rip cord after four days, I would have, too.

If you think the past is boring, remember that the study of history isn't all names, dates, and wars. Sometimes it's also a large dildo dropped in a toilet.

The dildo isn't happy to see you; it's happy that it's no longer encased in vintage poop.
(Image from the Regional Office of the Protection of Monuments, via Discovery News)

Archeologists in Gdańsk, Poland were digging up a latrine recently when they discovered a well-preserved dildo in the shitter. It's made of bristle-filled leather and capped with a wooden tip. The dildo is also eight inches long, big enough to make most men say, "I never thought I'd be jealous of something found in an 18th century toilet." The archeologists believe the dildo was dropped in the latrine by accident, because the leather is high-quality and the dildo was likely very expensive.

According to a press release from the Regional Office of the Protection of Monuments in Poland, archeologists also found several wooden swords nearby, leading them to believe that the location was once a fencing school. So, if what happened with this dildo in the 18th century happened today, its modern equivalent would be some kid going to his karate dojo at the mall, taking a bathroom break to go use his dildo, dropping it in, and then being too embarrassed to remove it from the toilet.

The press release also noted that the dildo has been taken away for "maintenance," which I assume means that somewhere in Poland, there's a person currently getting plowed by a dildo with 250ish years of experience (247 of those years being "experience sitting in a toilet").

A shark has been swimming right up to people's beachfront homes in an otherwise idyllic Florida town.

"We're gonna need a bigger fence."(via NBC-2)

You take certain risks when you live near the beach—hurricanes, tidal waves, the cutthroat local taffy-pullers union. Sharks generally aren't a problem unless you swim out really far, or if you live in the town from Jaws. Or if you live in Bonita Springs, Florida.

The city's Hickory Avenue is lined with condos that jut up right next to a calm backwater bay. Residents can dip their toes into the ocean or go for a swim, except they shouldn't do that anymore because an eight-foot-long bull shark has been trolling the bay. Residents claim that no-good, lousy fisherman have been "chumming"—throwing fish guts into the water nearby to attract bigger fish. Hickory Avenue residents asked the city to tell people to stop throwing fish guts into the water, on account of the shark, so did the city post some "no fishing" signs and drag the shark away in fin-cuffs?

Nope. A representative for Bonita Springs told beachfront property owners to call the state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission with their concerns, because the coastline is the agency's jurisdiction. But residents shouldn't get their hopes up about the shark going away anytime soon, because it's perfectly legal to chum on the beach in Florida.

Florida: Where You Can Throw Fish Guts in the Water and Have a Shark in Your Backyard!

Daniel's well-intentioned romantic gesture went horribly wrong.

This is one of the most cringe-inducing videos I've ever seen, and I've watched a 12-part instructional series on how to cringe. It seems like a such a sweet idea: setting up a series of road signs to ask your girlfriend to go to the prom with you. The problem here arose when the girlfriend, Alex, failed to see the first sign with her name on it, so she didn't know it was meant for her. After that, there was no recovering.

On the other hand, there is a happy ending. She said yes, and the two kids are set to have their prom adventure after all. Let's just hope he doesn't pull the same sign trick to ask her if she wants to go to a hotel.

I don't like this lip sync video, I love it.

Sean Hayes and his music producer husband, Scott Icenogle, have recorded another wonderful lip sync video (you might remember their previous cover of Izzy Azalea and Jennifer Hudson's "Trouble"). This time the song is Flo Rida's "I Don't Like It, I Love It," and there are many more props than in the previous video. Including finger cymbals and a giant plate of marshmallows!

These might be fightin' words, but I like Scott and Sean's low-key lip syncs about 20 times more than I like any of the recent Lip Sync Battle clips. Yes, even Anna Kendrick's.

A beleaguered family member posted this intense pre-invitation letter on Reddit.

Yikes.(via Reddit)

All of us have known crazy parents like this. There just isn't always physical documentation. There's often digital documentation, in the form of thousands of Facebook posts and pictures, but that's easy enough to block (or go ballistic on). When you see behavior like this written down, however, it's startling.

When you pay attention and parse it, the demands are not that unreasonable. Lots of parents are in a money crunch when they have a newborn, and it doesn't do them any good to get duplicate presents. Still, the bizarre legalese and entitled tone of this letter makes me assume that no matter how nice a "Water Table" this kid gets, he'll need therapy by the time he's in middle school. I'm just surprised his parents didn't include any SAT prep books on the list.

My only wish is that we could see the formal invite from the baby that's coming soon. That should be a gem.

This week, singer Michael Buble learned that you probably shouldn't post photos of women's butts. Especially photos that appear to have been taken without the woman knowing.

There was something about this photo lu took ,that seemed worthy of instagram. #myhumps #babygotback #hungryshorts #onlyinmiami #picoftheday #beautifulbum
A photo posted by Michael Bublé (@michaelbuble) on Apr 13, 2015 at 4:59pm PDT

Michael Buble upset a good section of his fan base this week when he posted this Instagram photo of a woman who, as far as anyone can tell, did not know her picture was being taken. On top of that, many considered the photo to be body-shaming, or at least clothing-choice-shaming. (#hungryshorts? Classy! Then again, I wrote a post about a 250-year-old dildo earlier today, so I'm not the person to be #classyshaming anyone.)

Buble wanted to, at the very least, let everyone know that he didn't mean to criticize the woman. He sent a statement to Us Weekly clarifying his position on the picture:

"I do not court controversy, but I realize that a photo that was meant to be complimentary and lighthearted has turned into a questionable issue," he said. "It hurts me deeply that anyone would think that I would disrespect women or be insulting to any human being . . .I regret that there are people out there who found the photo offensive. That was not and is not my intention. Women are to be celebrated, loved, respected, honored and revered. I've spent my life believing that and will continue to do so."

Even if it is a #beautifulbum, this still doesn't address what concerned most people in the first place, that a famous guy with a lot of followers was posting a picture commenting on a woman's butt without her knowing it was happening.

This, incidentally, was my favorite comment:

Yeah, you do that, guy. (via Instagram)

Neil Patrick Harris came under similar scrutiny last week for posting an image of a man who had his shoes off on the subway.

Really..? Really..?

A photo posted by Neil Patrick Harris (@instagranph) on Apr 7, 2015 at 12:43pm PDT

What's black and white and running all over a city when they should be in a stable?

Way to be bros about this, Warners.

I was gonna write about how there's a leaked two-minute teaser trailer going around today for Batman v Superman that some enterprising jerk at a screening took on his cellphone camera. The teaser wasn't supposed to be released 'til next week, but obviously that's kind of pointless since everyone's now had a chance to see an off-centered, low-resolution version of the trailer. So, it's out now. Thanks, bros.

P.S. Where can I buy tickets? I've made a lot of jokes about Ben Affleck as Batman and about how cliché "gritty reboots" have become. I take those back. You guys put Neil DeGrasse Tyson and (I'm pretty sure by the voice) Charlie Rose in a comic book movie. Thank you. Please release more things to me. I won't leak them. Can I just come by and watch it in a cubicle or something? I'll watch it naked if you want.

This looks good, is what I'm trying to say.

1.

I thought you couldn't drive that fast because at 88 mph you'd travel back in time.
(via Huffington Post)

For as long as we've had Facebook, we've had dummies posting things they shouldn't. If you want to avoid getting caught complaining about your job or boss on Facebook, here's a little trick that'll help you — it's called "meeting up with friends in real life." Then, when you vent about something to your friends, the people you're meeting with face-to-face are the only ones who hear it. Kinda neat how that works, huh?

2.

I don't WANT to say that someone has the perfect face for a failed Taco Bell employee, but... (Read More)

3.

Double-caught! I hope the commenter, the boss, and the dad agreed to get a nice dinner together. (viaThe Chive)

4.

Don't these customers know the last half-hour is staff chill out time? (via Lamebook)

5.

"Don't bother coming in" seems to be a strong theme here. (Read More)

6.

Seems like nothing more than an employee loving her product so much she can't help but French it. (Read More)

7.

Who would've thought an 18-year-old professional cheerleader would act immaturely? (via)

8.

"Uh, is it a good reason not to fire me because I need this job to buy weed?" (via Lamebook)

9.

Facebook, police forces, & medium-sized cities: three things that make you easier to find. (Read More)

10.

Thank you for getting dafuq fired so we could waste company time laughing at you.
(via Reddit)

11.

The actual reason they were fired was for revealing the secret ingredient: Fun!

12.

Now he can listen to T4F while pretending to have a job. (via Lamebook)

13.

He was later kicked out of the Liberal Party for listing it as the Liberal Partay.

14.

Short, sweet, and to the point. Textbook example of getting sacked.

15.

The guy at the bottom is pretty clearly Thomas's unemployed stoner friend.

16.

That's almost as embarrassing as bragging about being the boss' son.

17.

Either Anna left her profile open at work or she is self-hating and self-employed.
(via Lamebook)

18.

It's amazing how much better Mala spells when she's unemployed.

19.

She deserves this, but it begs the question: is there really no such thing as a pervy gay wanker?

20.

Nice thing about being the boss: you get to be on the phone and Facebook at the same time.

21.

Until now, :/ was a stupid emoticon, but as the "no comment" face, it's pretty awesome.

25.

The only thing worse than being a pierogi is getting fired from being a pierogi. (Read More)

Celebrate your heritage by driving some dummy out of business.

I'm a white guy whose great-grandparents took various boats over from Italy more than a century ago. My wife is a white woman who was born and raised in Bogota, Colombia before moving to New York City in her 30s. Our friend Jack is a white guy who was born in England in English parents, but spent 99 percent of his life living in Philadelphia. We spent most of March sitting around, considering our shared white person experience and discussing the common history of our ancestors. Because that's what one does during White History Month. White heritage is such fascinating and not-made-up-by-racists thing, isn't it?

At any rate, that seems to be the opinion of one Jimbo Boggess who hung the above sign in the window of his Flemington, NJ deli, only to find that many people were not thrilled by the idea of spending their money to support the concept of white heritage. In fact, he lost so much business that he had to close up shop. So now he's reaching out to you, the good people of the Internet, to get him back on his feet. And he's doing it with a GoFundMe page:

"It was only supposed to be a white thing but people read more into it than that," Boggess explains on the page. "I have become heavily in debt and getting shut off notices from everywhere for both business and home. I don't think I deserve this just because I wanted to be proud of being white and be able to celebrate my heritage like everyone else does."

The total donations have actually gone up a tad since I took that screen shot, because there are apparently no shortage of people on the Internet willing to spend their hard-earned money in the support of bigotry. Though, it's interesting to note that this is still waaaaaay below the $842,442 that have to date been donated to the anti-gay pizzeria in Indiana. I suppose that homophobia is more fashionable that racism these days.

If you look through the donors, you might notice a few faces that don't seem like they'd belong to people who support the celebration of white heritage:

For reasons that we can only speculate upon, the comments have recently been disabled on the page. But a little Internet digging turns up the words that were originally given along with these $30:

"I hope it helps you to enlighten yourself on the very people you feel you need to compete with for no other reason than you're a spoiled entitled brat." —Shannelle Robinson

"As a biracial woman, I know white isn't a nationality. I also know that history is pretty much white washed, if you said Polish history month, I think no one would have bat an eye. You made a huge mistake… And you know what I will give you some money because humans struggle, humans make mistakes!" —Marie Simmons

These comments seemed to me like they should be saved for posterity. Can't imagine why they vanished in the first place.

This man who catcalls women during a report about catcalling is perfectly horrible.

Timing is everything, especially when it comes to demeaning women in public. This man's timing was spot-on when he attempted to catcall women while being interviewed about catcalling. The reporter was talking to people about the anti-catcalling signs popping up in NYC, a campaign started by Feminist Apparel, and stumbled upon a misogynist goldmine. This guy is fiercely pro-catcalling. Here are his tips for ways to terrify women on the street:

1. Whistle.
2. Click your tongue.
3. Treat women like dogs.
4. Catcall from far away so women don't get scared.
5. Wear clothing with the Playboy logo.

What a clueless nightmare of a man. He's the guy who gets called into HR for sexual harassment and legitimately has no idea why. Maybe after Batman fights Superman he can take down this idiot. I'd watch that movie trailer more times than I've watched this trailer.

I'm pretty sure Jesus was a Jedi Knight in at least one of the Gnostic Gospels. I think it was the Gospel According to Walrus Man.

Father Roderick Vonhögen—a Dutch Catholic priest with somewhat of a following on YouTube—filmed his reaction to watching the new trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I've never quite understood why people do things like that, but now I'm really glad that they do. Because watching this priest gush with wonder and excitement over this trailer is an absolute joy. It literally gave me chills. If church made me feel like this, I'd probably still be Catholic. (Not really.)

Anyway, I know you wanna watch the trailer again yourself after that, so here it is for ease of geekery:

Related: Matthew McConaughey's reaction to the new 'Star Wars' trailer is pretty similar to all of ours.

Elmo learns all about vaccines, and that they aren't scary if you sing "Shake It Off."

Get vaccinated, dummies. (via YouTube)

Elmo is nervous about getting vaccinated, but luckily Surgeon General Vivek Murthy comes to the rescue and explains to him why they are necessary. Elmo bravely gets his vaccine shot while singing Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off," which is so adorable it made me want Elmo to do a full-length cover of the song, complete with his classic third-person narrative style. How great would that be? Elmo goes on too many dates/But Elmo can't make them stay/At least that's what people say. I'll date you, Elmo! (I'll date anyone, really.)

After Elmo gets his shot and learns the importance of vaccinations, he says "that was so easy, why doesn't everyone get a vaccination?" Preach Elmo, PREACH. Then the Surgeon General indirectly throws shade at anti-vaxxers, making me really respect the guy. Well done. Please enjoy the full video below.