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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - May 15, 2015

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1. B.B. King's Gibson Guitar Lucille Left A Widow

The world is in morning today, after blues legend B.B. King died from complications related to diabetes yesterday. This terrible news comes just two weeks after the passing of soul legend Ben E. King. R&B singer Bobby King would be wise to watch his back.


2. Texas Might Legalize Recreational Marijuana, Except That It Probably Won't

Texas's conservative-led House Criminal Jurisprudence Committee voted 5-2 in favor of legalizing recreational marijuana use for adults last week. This is a pretty big deal from a cultural and legal perspective. No subset of a legislative body in the nation has backed marijuana legalization before. However, as Gov. Greg Abbott has promised to veto any such bill that came across his desk, this effort has as much chance of surviving the full legislative process as a joint does of making it all the way through a Bob Markey cover band's Tuesday night rehearsal.


3. 'Mad Max: Fury Road' Gives Film Goers A Chilling Vision Of About Five Or Six Years From Now

George Miller's newest installment of his Mad Max post-apocalyptic action series is getting great response from critics and audiences alike, putting it on track to knock Avengers: Age of Ultron from the top spot at the box office and garnering a 99 percent popularity score on Rotten Tomatoes. Who'd have thought that a speculative docudrama about the after effects of a Clinton presidency would prove so popular?


4. America Is About To Run Out Of Internet

The United States is poised to burn through the final few million of the Internet's original 4.3 billion Internet Protocol addresses by the end of the summer. Luckily, we'll seamlessly be able to switch over from the IPv4 system we're currently using to a newer IPv6 system that has 340 undecillion addresses, 5 undecillion of which will not immediately be snatched up for porn.


5. 'Mad Men' Draws To Close This Weekend Despite Your Best Efforts At Denial

AMC's Mad Men will air its final episode this Sunday. GODDAMNIT!!!!


Science gives us bacteria-filled concrete that heals itself.

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A microbiologist in the Netherlands invents living "bioconcrete" filled with a bacteria that heals its own cracks.

A concrete petri dish.(via Delft University)

Concrete is a wonder material, but it doesn't always stand up to the ravages of nature. If water gets into even the smallest cracks in the concrete and freezes, it blows the cracks wide open. Then your basement floods. However, buildings in the future might never have that problem, because we now have concrete that heals itself.

Professor Henk Jonkers (great name) in the Netherlands has worked on the problem of creating self-healing concrete since 2006. Obviously, a country protected by a system of seawalls and dykes is in great need of concrete that won't leak. The alternative is hoping for a kind-hearted little Dutch boy to find the leaks in time and plug them with his finger.

Jonkers, a microbiologist, detailed his work to CNN. He researched bacteria that could survive in all the harsh conditions concrete can withstand and what to feed the bacteria to make it grow strong limestone deposits. The next challenge was making the bacteria activate whenever unwanted water was getting through. The bacteria had to be kept separate from the rest of the concrete and provided it's own supply of food. By creating tiny biodegradable plastic capsules, Jonkers could suspend in the bacteria in the concrete so it could be mixed, but still only activate in the presence of invasive water after the concrete has cured. The result is living, self-healing "bioconcrete" as Jonkers calls it. He told CNN about the excitement he has for the future of living structures.

"It is combining nature with construction materials. Nature is supplying us a lot of functionality for free—in this case, limestone-producing bacteria. ... If we can implement it in materials, we can really benefit from it, so I think it's a really nice example of tying nature and the built environments together in one new concept."

11 hilarious overreactions to bugs found in the house.

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Totes terrifying.(via reddit)

It's easy to forget you share your house with any number of tiny insects and spiders, but it's not nearly easy enough. Here are 11 reminders and 11 people overreacting to them.

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Maybe the lizard will get it.(via imgur)


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See you in a month.(via reddit)


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Here's hoping Carol's made of stronger stuff.(via Smosh)


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You want him to kill it twice when you can't even kill it once?(via Smosh)


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Hope their insurance covers drastic overreactions.(via Dose)


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Or just never use that closet again. (via reddit)


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Guess they're not volunteering as tribute.(via imgur)


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You've made a powerful enemy, Matt.(via reddit)


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It's the mailman's problem now.(via Smosh)


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Could be playing dead.(via imgur)

This machine lets you experience what it's like to be a bird flying over Manhattan.

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Soar over Midtown Manhattan without leaving Queens!

The Museum of the Moving Image in Queens, New York, has a new featured exhibit called Birdly, which simulates flying over New York City like a giant awkward bird in chinos. Users lie on a special table with control pads and strap on an Oculus headset.

As you navigate through the CGI skies, you feel and hear the rushing winds changing. Those who have tried out Birdly at the Museum of the Moving Image are impressed, and seemingly not embarrassed to be strapped into what looks like a spanking machine from The Fifth Element.

Birdly is part of an installation called "Sensory Stories" at the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens, NY and will be available to try until June 6th.

Bride tries to "trash the dress" by jumping off a boat, almost drowns.

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"Til death do us part when I trash my wedding dress the stupidest way possible."

The wedding industry is legitimately horrible, and can turn a perfectly normal woman (yours truly, for example) into a horrible bride stereotype with strong feelings about different types of folding chairs.

For most women, the madness ends when the party is over. But some women have decided to say farewell to bride brain with a new ceremony to "trash the dress," symbolically marking the end of their love affair with spending $4,000 on a single outfit.

Unfortunately, bride brain can sometimes make you too dumb to remember that when clothing gets soggy, it sinks, and if you're wearing it, you're going to sink, too.

Oh well, at least the couple has this keepsake YouTube video calling them "stupid assholes" forever.

"The Mindy Project" has been saved by the website where you already watch it.

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Just like a sitcom, this near-tragedy had a hasty happy ending.


This is just like that time Danny and Mindy broke up and got back together. (Fox)

For a few minutes there, I was worried that The Mindy Project was over forever. Fox canceled the show after its third season and it seemed like things would never be the same. But then, just as quickly, the show got picked up by Hulu for 26 new episodes and all was well again.

Okay, to be honest, I was never really worried Mindy was gone. Being almost canceled is just the kind of hijinks Dr. Lahiri and the gang are always getting into! Love you guys.

Article 26

Street vendor's cotton candy art is straight-up magic.

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"Any sufficiently advanced cotton candy technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur Cottoncandy Clarke.

This street vendor in the Ciqikou (the old town sector of the modern-day metropolis of Chongqing) sells these confectionary masterpieces for the equivalent of about two American bucks, which tells me he is unaware of how much he could get if he did this in a tourist trap in America (I'd say about $18 a pop). Either that, or he is literally a wizard and money means nothing to him because he can conjure fanciful foods out of thin air. One thing is for certain, though, I never even knew making a shape more advanced than a blob or a cylinder was possible with cotton candy, and now I know every cotton candy I've ever bought was created by a total hack.


15 photos of cats that just can't deal with their baths.

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The exact moment between peeking inside the Arc of the Covenant and when your face melts. (via Reddit)

We humans know that taking a bath is a pleasant experience that's not only relaxing, but makes you smell nice enough that other people aren't repulsed by you (or, at the very least, they're repulsed by something else, like your complete lack of tact). Cats, however, don't seem to understand those bathing benefits. That said, I don't know many humans who have tried licking themselves clean like a cat, either. Someday, when the cats rise up and overtake us all, they'll force us to lick ourselves to bathe. But until that day of payback, we can just laugh at these examples of cats who were forced to take human-style baths.

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You might also remember this cat from his starring role in The Wrestler. (via Reddit)

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"I see you, photographer, idly standing by. I assure you that I will remember this moment, and on the day of reckoning, you will not be spared."(via Reddit)

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"Call me a purrito again, asshole, and we'll see who's laughing then." (via Reddit)

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It sure is weird that this rat was born with a cat head. (via Reddit)

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Well, now we know what pure hate looks like, so that's good. (via Reddit)

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Hey, how much extra bad luck is it if you bathe a black cat after it crosses your path?
(via Reddit)

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"I'll talk! Anything but the bath. Yeah, it was me — I left the mouse in your shoe." (via Reddit)

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Cat baths: How cat super villains are born. (via Reddit)

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"At least... at least tell me why." (via Reddit)

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Revenge status: Plotting. (via Reddit)

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And that was the moment that Stanley realized he had to leave — leave Cynthia, leave Ohio, and leave his whole life. (via Reddit)

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Congratulations! This cat bath photo comes with a free nightmare. (via Reddit)

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"Hey, you know what? I changed my mind. I like being dirty. Please just deposit me outside of the water, thank you." (via Reddit)

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That was the day his faith began to waiver, because what kind of god would allow this... this... bath? (via Reddit)

Article 23

Houston couple will sell their $400,000 home to anyone for just 200 words.

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A couple in Houston is holding an essay contest to determine who should buy their home.

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You may remember a story we reported in March, about the Center Lovell Inn and Restaurant in Lovell, Maine. The innkeeper, Janice Sage, wanted to retire, so she held an essay contest to find the most deserving successor. She charged $125 per entry in the hope of taking in the property's estimated value. That contest stopped accepting entries a week ago, but the results aren't in yet. It was a neat idea and attracted a lot of attention, including from Houston real estate agent Michael Wachs and his wife, Stephanie.

Inspired by Janice Sage, they decided to sell their home the same way. Their contest, which just went live on 150house.com, is almost exactly the same. The entry fee is slightly higher, $150, but they're also asking for anonymous essays of 200 words or less. The biggest difference is the property: instead of a 210-year old 10-bedroom bed & breakfast in rural Maine, this is a cute two-bedroom home in Houston's trendy Sunset Heights neighborhood. Located at 213 E. 23rd Street, it's across the street from a park, within walking distance of shops and restaurants, and minutes from downtown Houston. Built in 1920 but recently renovated, the 1,056 square foot home contains hardwood floors and a two-car garage. Best of all, it comes with a mold remediation certificate! The property was recently appraised at almost $400,000, and it could be yours for only $150. That is, if you have a way with words.


I'd drop three figures on this place.(via Michael Wachs)

Entries are being accepted until June 13. That gives you slightly less than a month to work on your 200-word opus. Essays must be submitted along with the $150 on the couple's website, and may not contain any identifying information about yourself. The couple has promised that if they change their mind about how to sell their home, they will refund every applicant's fee. Considering that they only need 3,000 entries to take in $450,000, however, I'd say that's unlikely. Who can resist the temptation of a house for the price of a used bicycle?

It'll actually be interesting to see if this contest attracts the same level of attention as Janice Sage's. It's not as romantic an idea to win a midsize home based on your writing ability as it is to win a historic bed & breakfast, but it's definitely more practical. Houston is the country's fastest-growing city, and The Center Lovell Inn didn't even have a mold remediation certificate. Regardless of whether they choose to enter, I'm sure every writer will want to know about this contest. I may even enter myself, considering how well my last entry came out.

If you're still on the fence about whether to enter, or whether to tell that writer in your life about it, check out these enticing photos Michael Wachs supplied, along with my estimate for how much each room is going for:


Stylish kitchen, $15.

Spacious living room, $30.


Well-lit master bedroom, $20.


Cozy bathroom, $7.50.


Understated dining room, $25, featuring chandelier, $2.50.


Baby's room, $50 (nothing's too expensive for your little bundle of joy.)


Lush backyard, thrown in for free.

If you're reading this, you may be looking at your new home. But you'd better get writing, because the competition will be fierce. And I'll let you know if I decide to enter, because then you'll have no chance. Good luck!

Everyone's freaking out over this Muslim senior's hilarious yearbook quote.

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High school student who wears a head covering has the perfect explanation.

17-year-old Rafika Alami is a California-based high school senior. She took the opportunity in her yearbook quote to clarify why she chooses to wear a headscarf. She wasn't trying to make a political statement; as she told BuzzFeed, she just thought it was funny. The over 30,000 people who fav'd it apparently agree.

Under a smiling photo of Alami in headscarf, her quote reads: "Only reason I wear this is to give you females a chance."

If it was possible to put an emoji in your yearbook quote, I imagine we can all agree this lady would go at the end of that.


A Brutally Honest Food Pyramid For Every Stage Of Adulthood

Article 18

This entire orchestra is comprised of just one (super-talented) guy.

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Multi-instrumentalist Ben Morfitt made an orchestra entirely out of copies of himself, and I smell a 'Multiplicity' sequel.

Ben Morfitt is a composer and multi-instrumentalist from Yorkshire, UK. You might recognize him from his covers of video game themes on the YouTube channel SquidPhysics. But this newest video is a little different — that's him (and him, and him, and him...) comprising every member of the orchestra above, performing an original composition for a cartoon he co-created called Pegul.

If you want to peek behind the scenes of how Morfitt created the video, check out his Instagram, where he shares work-in-progress images like this:

Teaching my stunt double the trumpet

A photo posted by Ben Morfitt (@squidphysics) on


Workplace

Studio reboots Spider-Man as a teen again because time is a circle.

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He barely has the "man" part down. (photo via Getty)

Sony Marvel is rebooting the Spider-Man franchise with a new movie called The Amazing Spider-ManSpider-Man: The Newest Avenger. Instead of Tobey Maguire Andrew Garfield, the titular Web Slinger will be played by a much younger Andrew Garfield Asa Butterfield. The film promises to get back to the roots of Spider-Man as a superhero dealing with the struggles of high school.

A resume template for every recent college grad currently looking for a job.

Article 13

This family was kicked off a plane because their kid did what every toddler does on a plane.

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Emily Kaiman and her family were removed from a US Airways flight without warning because her 17-month-old son Shai kicked his legs into the aisle.

It's always frustrating to be on the same flight as a fussy child, but it's something we all have to deal with. As much as you or I might groan when we see a kid start to fidget in his seat or cry, that doesn't mean we necessarily want that entire family forcibly removed from the plane by security. But for one St. Louis family, that's exactly what happened.

On May 10, Emily Kaiman was flying back home from Charlotte with her four children and her mother. Their flight was delayed three hours, and then once everyone was allowed to board, it was stuck on the tarmac for another 30 minutes. After all that waiting, Kaiman's 17-month-old toddler Shai began getting antsy. He was flying as a lap baby, and he started to sprawl out, sticking his legs out into the aisle. A flight attendant came by and told Kaiman he couldn't do that, and she turned him around so his legs would be clear of the aisle. He continued to fidget, trying to stand on her lap, and a flight attendant asked Kaiman to hold him tightly. Then she started nursing him and he calmed down.

At that point, Kaiman noticed that the plane, which had been taxiing, started heading back to the gate. At the gate, security boarded the plane and told her her entire family would have to leave. The flight crew had decided that they wouldn't fly with Shai on board, because he was a danger. There had been no warning from the flight attendants, who didn't even say anything to the family as they were escorted off the plane, humiliated. Kaiman submitted a complaint, and wrote a post on Facebook describing the incident:

The family was allowed to board the next plane, which just confused Kaiman more. If Shai had presented a danger on the previous flight, why did they think he wouldn't on the next one? In fact, she still doesn't understand the behavior of the flight crew or the airline, which is why she's bringing her case to the media. She's not suing; she just wants an apology.

This story has some similarities to one we posted just a few days ago. In that instance, a teenage autistic girl and her family were removed from a flight because the crew was worried she would have a fit after they refused to give her a hot meal. That was different because the flight was actually diverted to a different airport after it was airborne, but in both cases, the individual in question had calmed down before they were removed.

It will be interesting to see how our readers react to this one. When we released the previous story, many people had no sympathy at all for the autistic girl or her family, and came down very harshly on them, which honestly shocked us. Many of them had criticisms of the family's actions (that the mother should have fed her daughter earlier, or that the girl needed to learn patience) which showed they had no understanding of autism or its symptoms. I wonder how people will react to this story of a child with no disabilities.

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