Very few 14-year-olds earn a paycheck by standing on a street corner all day. Even fewer patrol that corner while apprehending would-be criminals and guarding the thin barrier between order and lawlessness.

This 14-year-old got to do both – busting old people for stealing shopping carts.

When the summer of 1988 arrived, my mother decided I had to get a job. Evidently, my favorite habits of reading books and practicing chords on my cheap, unamplified guitar had gotten out of control. After 10 months of reporting to school five days a week, and before the next 10 months of reporting to school five days a week, I needed some structure and discipline.

I forget which well-meaning, horrible person saw that our local Pathmark was hiring, but within days, I was bagging groceries and dashing off to return unwanted dairy products to their rightful shelves. Before long, I was led outside and told about my new assignment. Shopping carts are expensive to replace, my manager explained. (He was right. One can run you 200 bucks these days). Certain customers would pay for their groceries and simply wheel the cargo to their houses, ignoring the signs that such a move was illegal.

Now, these convenience-seeking sons of bitches would have to get past 128 pounds of reluctant, mumbling, braces-wearing teenage justice.

And so began my days pacing around the corner of that parking lot, watching people my age make their way to and from their destinations of summer fun. They cruised by on bikes and skateboards. They dribbled basketballs. They brandished slices of pizza and ice cream cones. Sometimes they'd stop for a minute and I'd explain my duties while they looked at me with sympathy. A few times, to avoid the embarrassing job description, I lied and said I was just waiting there for a ride home (because, you know, being abandoned by loved ones in a parking lot is a more dignified scenario.)

When my friends visited me, I would actually feel betrayed that they left after only five or ten minutes. (What? You're not going to stand on this 104-degree asphalt with me, shifting from one foot to the other all afternoon? What kind of friend are you??)

Inevitably, I would spot someone pushing a cart off the lot. You'd think I would have welcomed the break in the monotony. And you would be wrong.

Confronting these people was even more awkward than you can imagine. They were almost always very old and usually very cranky. They yelled at me. They cursed me in English. And in Spanish. And with hand gestures.

Some would simply walk right by, eyes straight ahead, as if I were begging for spare change or howling about the coming apocalypse. One especially elderly fellow explained that his cart – smaller than the others and green instead of silver – was indeed his cart that he'd been wheeling to the store for years. He was obviously telling the truth, and I felt like I'd messed with a sacred relationship, the working class New Jersey equivalent of getting between a man and his horse.

I passed the hours listening to my Walkman. I probably spent half my paycheck on double-A batteries and Rush cassettes I bought inside the store on my break. (Side note: Yes, supermarkets sold music then, and it was great: Go in for milk and eggs and decide to pick up Judas Priest's Screaming for Vengeance on a whim.)

But no matter how many times I heard Geddy Lee's voice in my headphones proclaiming They call me the working man. I guess that's what I am, I couldn't convince myself that I was manly or that this was “work."

Improbably, I held that job for almost two years. It became the awful, sleep-deprived, 8:00-in-the-morning-Saturday-and-Sunday-job. Then the so-cold-I-can-barely-feel-my-extremities winter job. Then the summer job again. On busier days, I was allowed to leave my post and actually collect carts in the parking lot and bring them to the storefront. It was refreshing to provide something rather than take something away.

Then, before my third summer tour of duty could get under way, my friend got me a job at the movie theater where he worked. No more standing still in a parking lot for me. Now I'd be stationed at a little podium, taking tickets in an air conditioned lobby.

In time, I would become a husband, a high school English teacher, and a father, and perhaps that awful summer job helped me develop the all-important ability to stand there, tell people about the rules, and then watch as they do whatever the hell they want.

Kim K. recently announced the sex of her unborn baby, but she might have actually known all along.

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Jun 8, 2015 at 7:54am PDT

An anonymous source told Us Weekly that Kardashian used a special "gender-selection process" to make sure she had a boy. Kardashian has been open about her struggles to get pregnant again and her use of IVF. Now the source—Khloe? Kourtney? Kendall? Kylie? Bambi?—says that she only had male embryos implanted during the process.

“She only had boy embryos implanted," says a source close to Kardashian, who confirmed the gender on Monday, June 21, after Us Weekly broke the news. During the procedure — which can start at roughly $17,000 — doctors isolate fertilized embryos of the preferred sex in a lab, then transfer them to a uterus.

According to the article, one of the reasons for doing this was that Kanye West always wanted to have a son so he would have "an heir," which is Pride and Prejudice-level wacky and outdated. But maybe it was just that Kim had already chosen which emojis she was going to use for her announcement:

You're such a good daddy to North & you will be the best daddy to our new son too!
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) June 22, 2015

Are all of our best scientists just working 24/7 on hoverboards?

Like so many other Internet videos, some fake and some real, this one is about hoverboards. Lexus announced that they've created one that actually works. It even has its own hashtag, #LEXUSHOVER, and it appears to be smoking, but in a good, cool way.

There aren't many details about the hoverboard, other than its positioning as a Hot Future Skateboard, but Mashable theorizes it might be magnetic or use quantum levitation. I'm also thinking maybe magic or fire jets.

Saving lives and calling patients "retard" while they're under anesthesia—all in a day's work.

Count backwards from 10, then prepare to be roasted. (via Thinkstock)

A really wonderful doctor who both understands the complexities of the human body and the emotional needs of her patients was recorded insulting a man while he was sedated.

The anesthesiologist, Tiffany Ingham, was based out of Bethesda, Maryland (my hometown, so proud). Her patient, who successfully sued her and won $500,000, turned on his phone before a colonoscopy to record any instructions the doctor might give afterward. When he played back the recording, he realized that he had also captured a ton of horrible stuff.

Buzzfeed uploaded some of the harshest offenses to Vine. In this clip, the doc calls the patient a "retard" for not looking away when his IV was put in even though it made him queasy.

In this next one, she says she wants to punch him in the face to man him up.

Doctor of the year!

The Washington Post has more audio from the recording, which also includes Ingham calling the patient a "wuss" and "wimp," accusing him of having STDs, planning to lie to him to avoid interacting with him after surgery, and making fun of him for overblowing his medical concerns in what they call "Northern Virginia syndrome." I guess doctors have their own whole set of stereotypes.

That word is "hey."

This is basically a perfect video. It's less than 30 seconds long, and it contains the three key elements: beautiful scenery, a cute animal, and a reason to laugh at that cute animal's expense. Plus, the scenery is beautiful.

According to the uploader, Enrico Tattamanti, this video was taken during a sailing expedition in Alaska. It also functions as a perfect ad for Alaskan tourism. After watching it once (OK, 20 times), all I want to do is fly up there and scare as many seals as possible. And maybe a walrus if I'm feeling saucy.

Volunteers were sent to buy a bunch of edible marijuana, all of which scientists determined would get you either too high or not high enough—in other words, Goldilocks would be disappointed.

One thing science can't explain is how these dank nugs got so big!(via Thinkstock)

In real life study that sounds like a stoned college kid's fantasy, volunteers from three different cities that sell marijuana legally were given $400 to spend on any edibles they wanted. The unsurprising results: the snacks' THC levels were horribly mislabeled. Surprisingly, they were mislabeled differently in different cities. In some places, snacks have way more psychoactive chemicals than advertised. In others, the snacks promise way more punch than they deliver. The only consistent thing is that they were all wrong.

That's what happens when high people put pot in food. Their recipe gets all out of whack, because who wants to cook when you're mad high? You just want to dip one hand into some Nutella and the other into some peanut butter and mix the two in your mouth. That's as complicated as the recipe should get.

I was hoping scientists would the level of highness in each subject. If it were me running the experiment, I'd have measured how long each volunteer laughed at a cat video, what percentage of an entire bag of Cheetos they ate alone, or asked each volunteer if being watched by a team of scientists sent them into a spiral of paranoia. I would also measure the intensity with which subjects defended The Beatles as "like, the best band that ever was."

Alas, the scientists were "professionals" about the whole thing, and just crushed the food up and measured the levels of THC with accurate instruments instead of inside willing human bodies.

The study found that edible marijuana products in Los Angeles were often overlabeled (you get less high than advertised), whereas products in Seattle were underlabeled (way higher than advertised). This raises the question: why do stoners live in LA, when we could be chilling in the Space Needle having a panic attack from one pot-infused Jolly Rancher?

Ex-American Apparel CEO and resident pervmaster of the fashion industry Dov Charney is in the spotlight yet again.

Stop staring at us, it's weird. (via Getty)

Dancing naked in his office. Masturbating in front of journalists.Getting fired from his own company. Dov Charney has just about done everything he can to solidify his position as one of the worst CEOs in history. And just when we thought his story couldn't get any more twisted, he goes and proves us wrong yet again.

It goes like this: Charney was ousted by his company for inappropriate sexual behavior towards his female employees. He started filing defamation suits to defend himself, claiming that American Apparel was out to get him. He filed so many suits that the company had to file a restraining order against him. Charney kept pressing on, however, and American Apparel just filed a 56-page motion to shut him up, once and for all.

Along with detailed accounts of employee abuse, the motion contains a list of sexually aggressive e-mails and texts Charney sent to female employees. Beware; they are pretty disgusting.

Imagine these being read aloud at court. (via Courtlink/DocumentCloud)

Thanks a lot for making us feel weird for wearing your hoodies, Dov.

#TakeDownTheFlag

Rebel yells are a lot less convincing aimed at a cute kid on the right side of history.
(via Mike DeSumma)

Across the South and across the country, Americans are rising up to ask that the Confederate battle flag finally be removed from state capitols and government buildings. Their voices have been heard, and the flag has already come down in Alabama. South Carolina, the first to secede and generally the first to start any sort of trouble, seems determined to be the last on this issue. Nevertheless, it appears this may finally be the last time we have to have this discussion. The flag will still exist. It will go in museums. It will be in textbooks.

Most of these photos are taken from the rally at the Columbia, S.C. statehouse, but a quick look at #TakeDownTheFlag on Twitter should tell you that this is happening all over.

Very true. Remember the Articles of Confederation? No? Exactly.(via Deray McKesson)

And S.C. took the action of raising that very loud flag every day for 64 years.
(via Harve Jacobs)

It was not, incidentally, the battle flag of the Confederate army. It was the standard of General Lee's Army of Virginia, but not the whole army. It also wasn't the flag of the Confederate States of America. Even Lee disliked people using it after the war, saying "I think it wiser moreover not to keep open the sores of war."

If you've lost Dylan-quoters & people who forget "?" marks, you've lost America.
(via Heather Brandt)

Yeah. (via CBS)

Its resurgence in popularity came not in the 19th Century, but with the rise of the segregationist Dixiecrats. It was first raised over the S.C. state capitol in 1961—100 years after the Civil War began, but also (and probably more importantly) right in the middle of the Civil Rights Movement. Bottom line: It should not be flying over the state buildings of a government for all the people, by all the people, and of all the people.

Just a reminder, any Confederate flag is by definition not an American one.
(via Heather Brandt)

Ok, a little hard to read, but not hard to get what the crowd is saying. (via Allen Wallace)

Although obviously catalyzed by the horrific slaying of 9 members of the historically black Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, S.C., this shift in attitudes is not merely a knee-jerk reaction. Shortly before the tragedy, the Supreme Court sided with Texas's decision to deny vanity license plates with Confederate flags (way to go, TX!). Many states still do offer those plates, but Virginia has now announced they will phase them out and others are debating it.

How can you not feel like you'd rather hang out with this crowd than the people who were there to defend it?(via Mike DeSumma)

I think it's fair to say this flag is supposed to stand for the exact opposite of the Confederate "battle" flag.
(via @Bipartisanism)

A family from Summervile, S.C. drove in to add more cute-kid ammo to the good fight.
(via Harve Jacobs)

Proof that being a perfect example of S.C. prep style doesn't stop you from being a perfect example of S.C. humanity.(via Harve Jacobs)

At the turn of the millennium, I remember being depressed by state referendums in Southern states that voted to keep the Confederate flag flying above state buildings. Things have changed a lot even since then. I think it says something that two days after the tragedy, a 1998 Onion headline suddenly shot up to #1 on their website in 2015: "Georgia Adds Swastika, Middle Finger To State Flag." Granted, it was about Georgia (which has since changed the flag to one influenced by the actual Confederate States of America flag, but without the "battle flag" symbol), but they weren't going to edit a 17-year-old headline to make it more topical today. It's sad enough it was topical at all.

You just turned the most conservative people in America into Communists. Bravo, sir.
(via Deray McKesson)

Yeah, I mean, those ghosts have had 150 years to read the news...they've probably changed more than a few opinions, you know. (via @Live5News)

I can't sign off without speaking to the counter-arguments, so I'll use this guy. His sign wasn't vulgar, it had clear logic, and it's not wrong. It's just not really what this discussion is about.

10 points for being civil. Zero points for anything else.(via WMBF)

No one thinks Dylann Root stared into the abyss of the Confederate flag and it drove him to murder. But he was convinced he was defending a land that was rightfully ruled by whites, being put in peril by minorities, especially blacks.

Yeah...they did kind of wage war against the United States of America...y'know.
(via Deray McKesson)

And many more people see that flag every day and sense continuity between the antebellum past of white supremacy by brutal enslavement, the Jim Crow past of white supremacy by law, and today. And that's a recipe for at least some pockets of culture where racism is tolerated and accepted as simply a thing you can be.

"I'm not gonna let this little tyke affect my behavior in any way shape or form."

For most people, having a child means taking responsibility. Putting those plastic things in electrical sockets. Setting parental controls on your DVR. Getting a belt clip for your phone. For Chicago Cubs fan Keith Hartley, however, it means something else entirely.

Last night at the Cubs vs. Dodgers game, Hartley caught a foul ball while holding his baby. As you can see by the comparative study below, he was holding him in a rather precarious fashion.

"Most of their weight lies in their upper-third, so this is safer." (via NYTimes/Getty)

The play prevented the Cubs from getting an out, so naturally Hartley was praised by the stadium. The Dodgers took it in good spirits, though.

Thanks for the third out, man. pic.twitter.com/xDQxIuaqx9

— Los Angeles Dodgers (@Dodgers) June 24, 2015

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Despite his victorious fist-raising, Hartley claims that he was "just trying to protect" his baby. Sure, Hartley. Sure.

Will Smith will not be welcoming anyone back to Earth. On the other hand, parts of it will take place off-Earth.

Here's one for old times sake #IDRpic.twitter.com/8WOrinqMlB
— Roland Emmerich (@rolandemmerich) June 23, 2015

Roland Emmerich, director and producer of the 1996 blockbuster Independence Day, seems practically giddy in these promotional photos for the upcoming sequel, Independence Day: Resurgence. I can imagine why; with the exception of Will Smith, he's reunited the core cast of the original film, including Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman, Judd Hirsch, and Vivica A Fox, for a sequel set 20 years after the "War of '96." (I would've gone with "The Big Alien War"...but I'm not a screenwriter.) He's also added Liam Hemsworth, Maika Monroe, Sela Ward, Jessie Usher, and Charlotte Gainsbourg.

Tell me which cast members you don't recognize and I'll tell you how old you are.

They all got together for a 30-minute Q&A for members of the press, which you can watch here. Frankly, however, the audio is off (even though this is the official version), so I recommend skipping to the pictures below unless you're a die-hard fan:

On the other end of the spectrum from the 30-minute discussion is this clip, which is literally the shortest promotional teaser I've ever seen:

Here's a preview of what's in store for Resurgence, according to a Fox press release:

We always knew they were coming back. After Independence Day redefined the event movie genre, the next epic chapter delivers global spectacle on an unimaginable scale. Using recovered alien technology, the nations of Earth have collaborated on an immense defense program to protect the planet. But nothing can prepare us for the aliens' advanced and unprecedented force. Only the ingenuity of a few brave men and women can bring our world back from the brink of extinction.

Hollywood boilerplate language though it might be, I'm in. What else do we know about the plot? Well, Jeff Goldblum's character, perhaps because Will Smith didn't come back, is now in charge of Earth Space Defense (which is kind of redundant since Earth is in space...either call it Earth Defense or Space Defense, imaginary Earth bureaucrats!). That's a pretty big promotion from the guy who used to bang the first lady who no one wanted to listen to when he found a countdown. Now that I think of it, they really missed an opportunity to design a website where you solve a puzzle and it leads you to a countdown to the film's release.

Anybody want to take this thing for a spin? Get an exclusive first look at the Moon Tug! #IndependenceDayLive RT! pic.twitter.com/x6EX095A20
— Roland Emmerich (@rolandemmerich) June 23, 2015

Is there anything else Fox released? Well, the really cool photos you see throughout this article, which are mostly of a vehicle called the Moon Tug, which is described as a "forklift for the moon." It will be operated by our protagonist, played by Liam Hemsworth, who used to be a fighter pilot but got demoted to super-cool moon forklift guy after doing something reckless.

Yeah, totally like a forklift. Just your standard more-advanced-than-all-human-technology-up-to-this-point-combined forklift.

It's powered by technology recovered from the aliens after the first film (although if you recall, we've had their tech since the 1948 crash at Roswell, but it never turned on until the Mothership showed up), which apparently has allowed mankind to expand rapidly since defeating the aliens.

This is a fighter plane with two box fans taped under it, parked on the Battlestar Galactica set. But I'm still excited.

Speaking of Area 51 from the first film, Brent Spiner, who played the spaced-out scientist studying alien technology in the '96 film, will be returning...despite the fact that he was strangled by an angry alien and had his body's nervous system hacked so he could tell the President, "no peace" before the President finally asked if the glass between them was bulletproof (it wasn't). Maybe that casting choice was just their way of saying "If you come back, Will Smith, we'll write you in! I mean, look at what we did with Brent Spiner!"

Anyway, I'm pumped. Here's hoping Liam Hemsworth punches an alien and says "Welcome to the moon!"

Spark Your City turned the London Bridge into a wonderfully trippy rainbow-brick-road.

Today IS going to be a fabulous day #sparkyourcity@gemcairn#londonbridgepic.twitter.com/rUGaak3uLi
— HannahPolly Williams (@hannah_polly) June 22, 2015

You're not in a video game, this is real life! If you live in London, your Monday probably sucks a little less than normal if you traversed the magical walkway that is currently the London Bridge. May these bright photos lift you from your beginning-of-the-week gloom.

Check out this colour popping piece of land art designed by @gemcairn#SparkYourCity#londonbridgepic.twitter.com/Qce0kkmMAQ
— Spark Your City (@sparkyourcity) June 22, 2015

Just about the best commute ever. #londonbridge#SparkYourCitypic.twitter.com/UroHRePr8K
— Bethany Adams (@bthnygrace) June 22, 2015

A photo posted by @gemagain on Jun 21, 2015 at 10:09pm PDT

A photo posted by @gemagain on Jun 21, 2015 at 11:06pm PDT

A photo posted by Liliana Martins (@licas_wanderlust) on Jun 22, 2015 at 12:26pm PDT

President Obama's podcast with Marc Maron wasn't the biggest WTF moment of the weekend.

Brace yourself for this paragraph: In a segment about Flag Day weekend, Pete Hegseth, one of the rotating cast of genial idiots known as Fox & Friendshurled a throwing axe into the arm of a West Point Hellcats marching band member. For those of you unfamiliar with how Fox & Friends works, the weekends feature the junior varsity level hosts of the program, and it shows. The above video was uploaded by the man who was hit, West Point cadet Jeff Prosperie, who had this to say about the event (he was pretty calm about it, IMHO):

(via Facebook)

Fortunately, it was merely a glancing blow, and although Prosperie did suffer some cuts to his arm, he was mostly hit by the broad side of the axe. I was most impressed by how the band simply kept playing. That's some serious discipline. When pressed for details by family members, Prosperie gave some more background:

(via Facebook)

Below you can watch a longer clip. It's hard to tell from the YouTube version, but apparently, Fox didn't actually air the footage of Prosperie getting hit, and when Hegseth returned to interview the band about their history, he made no mention of having just almost amputated one of them.

Thank goodness for the weekend news lull, eh, Hegseth?

Underwear now exists that gets rid of pesky camel-toes. Next, removing vaginas altogether!

A photo posted by Seamless Thread ® (@seamlessthread) on Jun 4, 2015 at 4:26pm PDT

Finally, someone created underwear that turns the female crotch into the Barbie-smooth nether-region that Mattel imagined for womankind back in 1959. Here's what the company Seamless Thread has to say about this empowering (?) invention:

"Our innovative and groundbreaking technique (patent pending) adds a built-in technique that successfully conceals the appearance of “camel toe" with an undetectable and perfectly positioned modesty enhancement panel. With Camel No, by Seamless Thread, you can wear any fitted styles with superior comfort and peace-of-mind."

This truly is "groundbreaking" technology! But do you really want technology in your underwear? I mean, one time I put my phone in my bra when my shirt was tucked into my jeans and it managed to slide down into my crotch. Although that was way too much technology in my underwear, it did manage to hide my camel toe.

In an interview with Mashable, Camel No founder Maggie Han said her aim is "to motivate women to wear everything in their closet and not have to fidget and fuss over it and be self-conscious." That makes perfect sense, yet Han's "solution" just feels like a reminder of the burden of having a woman's body.

A photo posted by Seamless Thread ® (@seamlessthread) on Jun 5, 2015 at 12:24am PDT

The product claims "breathability," but just looking at a pair of these medical-grade silicone-lined panties makes me think of the words "vaginal suffocation." Oh god, I just imagined wearing them in the summer in NYC. Has anyone's crotch ever died of heat stroke? Because I feel like that could be a thing.

Also, is negating camel-toes really empowering women? If women are free to wear yoga pants without men seeing the outline of labia folds, will that reduce street harassment? Or will it just cause them to look harder and get angry when they don't see it? I can imagine the inner monologue of a tried-and-true catcaller in the presence of a pair of Camel-Nos:

"Oh boy, here comes a pair of yoga pants walking down the street! I bet they're attached to a woman's torso and head, I can't wait to find out! Yes! There's a whole woman inside these yoga pants! But wait? Where is her vagina? I don't see any folds? Does she have one? What is happening? Did I die and go to hell? I'd better yell really loud, disgusting things at her to make sure I'm still alive!"

If you decide to pre-order these lady-flatteners, make sure you're buying them for YOU, not for anyone else!

There's a new documentary coming out about Malala Yousafzai, the girl who survived being shot in the face by a member of the Taliban, and the trailer is going to give you a lot of feels.

He Named Me Malala is an upcoming documentary about incredible 17-year-old peace activist Malala Yousafzai, who has repeatedly had the courage to stand up and fight for women's rights, even when it put her life in danger. But the thing I found so emotional about this trailer isn't the amazing things she's done — it's that the film shows how, despite these amazing things, Malala is still just a teenage girl. She has little brothers and a crush on Roger Federer, and she covers her mouth when she laughs in a way that's really similar to how I self-consciously covered my mouth when I was in high school. That contrast makes the things she's done so much more incredible.

The documentary will be released in October of this year. If her story inspires you to help, you can donate to her cause on the Malala Fund site.

Several members of the Kardashian-Jenner clan went off-roading to celebrate Father's Day, and Caitlyn's picture of it is great for several reasons.

Great day yesterday for Father's Day. We had so much fun off-roading. So much love and support! Love my family! pic.twitter.com/xemTJPuySv
— Caitlyn Jenner (@Caitlyn_Jenner) June 22, 2015

Let's break down why Caitlyn's photo of her family's Father's Day is so great:

1. Kanye West is actually smiling.

Does anybody know what to do about this? Like, is seeing Kanye smiling like seeing a UFO, where you're supposed to call a hotline to report it if you see it? Do you think that the new season of X-Files will be about Mulder and Scully investigating Kanye's smile? Could Kanye have actually had a really fun time? Oh my god, I hope that Kanye's next album will be all about dune buggies.

2. Caitlyn is wearing the best desert outfit.

Light, sun-reflecting fabric? Check. Casual-but-gorgeous belted shirt dress? Yup. I am basing this on personal experience of wearing the wrong thing, but I bet you that Kim was sweating like whoa in that tight black dress. Either that, or she's had that armpit Botox procedure that makes you stop sweating, because nothing says "ready for summer!" like injecting toxins into your smell pits.

3. I think North West might see some 'Mad Max' war boys in the distance.

She's definitely staring at something concerning. Maybe it's a big poster of every "South East" joke people Tweeted when Kim said she was pregnant again.

4. These guys look pretty happy to be spending Father's Day together.

And that's just really nice.

Last night on "Late Night," Seth Meyers asked Maya Rudolph if she would "Dolezal it up."

So "Dolezal it up" she did. Rudolph threw on a wig, made a confused face, and did everything in her power to avoid answering questions about her race. Sounds about right:

So do you identify with the Maya Rudolph video being funny? Please just answer the question.

Doctors have issued a dire warning against your pants.

A woman has ended up in the hospital after she recklessly wore skinny jeans and attempted to do something at the same time. The 35-year-old squatted for several hours while she helped a relative pack for a move, and eventually her legs started to hurt. I would have just chalked that up to all the squatting, and apparently this woman did, too, because she tried to head home.

Then, on her walk home, she collapsed. Dr. Thomas Kimber, who described the incident for an article in the Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery and Psychiatry, told the Sydney Morning Herald: "As it was by this time dark and late in the day, no one noticed her fall and she was lying there for some time—several hours."

She crawled to the side of the road and managed to hail a cab (let's hope the driver was nice enough not to point and laugh at the woman taken down by her skinny jeans), which took her to the hospital. She stayed there for four days with nerve damage and leg weakness before she could go home. Four days! That seems like more than enough punishment for any fashion crime.

The takeaway? Kimber says, "Avoid wearing skinny jeans if you intend to do a job with squatting or kneeling." If skinny jeans are this dangerous, I shudder to think what culottes could do to a person.

(image via Thinkstock)