This tiny house is too adorable and too expensive for its own good.

For the record, I would totally live here.(via StreetEasy)

This house looks like it was picked up by a giant claw from a far-away prairie and dropped in the middle of Brooklyn. It's quaint and majestic and so much money. How can someone put a price on something so surreal and misplaced? How can that price be over a million dollars?

There are many reasons I want to live in this house, but here are the most important ones:

1. It is much larger than my current apartment.
2. Magical things happen inside it, probably.
3. It would mean I could afford a house for $1.25 million.
4. It has more than one window.
5. It's red!

Please just look at this house again:

Well, I guess it's time to figure out how to fall into a pile of money so I can go buy this house in Brooklyn ASAP.

From Blank on Blank, a series where forgotten interviews with celebrities are animated and preserved for the digital age.

Blank on Blank, as the name might suggest, is a podcast and webseries that updates old interviews with celebrities and thinkers (the first Blank) discussing a variety of topics (the second Blank). They originally uploaded this one in December of 2014, but it is making the rounds today since it's the late actor and comedian's birthday, and we're all thinking about Williams and how much we miss him. Right away, it's both fascinating and sad, as he's asked what he thinks the world will be like in 2020, when he would have been 70. Williams would have been 64 today. Although we all wish we could still get more hilarious routines from him, let's just be grateful that recordings like these survive, so we can always hear him discuss how stupid humans look when they orgasm.

Related: Here is footage of a young Robin Williams irritating a director by improvising way too much.

Related: Robin Williams' improvisation in 'Good Will Hunting' was so good, he made the camera shake.

Taylor Hatala and Larsen Thompson, a young dance duo called "Fraternal Twins," made an awesome video set to Beyoncé's "Run the World."

You know, when I was a tween, things were different. We had to film our synchronized dance viral videos using a cardboard box glued to a stick. Instead of performing to Beyoncé songs, we would wait for it to start raining so we could use the thunder as music. And as for getting more than 300,000 views in two days? Why, we would be thrilled if a few Beanie Babies and a pile of pebbles would be our audience. There is just so much pressure on today's young women to meet rigid standards of production quality. And these girls have a lot on their plates already! They run the world!

If you've got a better description for what these manatees are doing after you watch the whole video, let me know.

I love manatee videos. You've probably never thought of it as its own genre, but you probably don't spend enough time online. Much as the manatee's legs have turned to flippers and its body has transformed into a gelatinous floating hug-waiting-to-happen, I've spent enough time on the Internet that...well, that my body has pretty much done the same thing. When I first saw this, I thought I'd be able to finish this trilogy of awesome (in my own opinion) manatee headlines:

1) A gentle aquatic stampede of 300 manatees has booted swimmers out of a Florida wildlife park.

2) No one told this frantically screaming girl that manatees are literally the chillest animals.

But after reviewing the footage, all I can think about is how the manatees in the center are engaged in analingus. Well, at least one of them is, anyway. The one who has partially beached him/herself is just staring at the humans like, "Yeah, you like watching this, don't you?"

The one on the bottom is using its flippers to get a better grip...

You learn something new every day. Today I learned that manatees are perhaps too relaxed. Keep that stuff in the water, manatees. There are kids on that beach.

Yes, you can order off of McDonald's "secret menu." But you might be more disappointed in it than you were in the new Hamburglar.

"Don't tell them about the secret menu. Which maybe doesn't exist." (via)

We all like to think that we're cool, in-the-know people, which I think is why we like secret menus at fast food restaurants. It's like you're part of a hip, members-only hamburger club. So when a McDonald's manager from the UK did an AMA on Reddit recently and said that yes, McDonald's does have a secret menu, the Internet erupted with secret-hamburger fantasies. Unfortunately, the menu isn't as cool as you might think:

You can order from the 'Secret Menu'. Just like with any of our sandwiches, you can add, remove or change ingredients by special request. These are called 'grill orders' (i.e. Big Mac no pickle)

The items on the 'secret menu' weren't invented by anyone officially at McDonald's, it's just a random persons guide to burgers you could potentially 'hack' at McDonald's.

Order one and the workers might not know it by name (i.e. Land, Air and Sea burger or the McGangBang) but if you explain what it is, and are willing to pay for all the ingredients, it's just another 'grill order' that we can make up.

So, basically, ordering off the "secret" menu means that you're probably just going to be saying, "Hey, can you put a chicken patty and a fish patty on my burger?" instead of "Hey, gimmie a Land, Air, and Sea Burger." That's not really a secret menu, that's a substitution on your order. Either that, or asking for no lettuce is a secret menu item if you call it the Rabbit's Nightmare, even if the counter person has no idea what you're talking about.

Also, if you're curious about the named items above, this is a picture of the terribly named McGangbang, according to secret-menu site Hack the Menu:

A photo posted by HackTheMenu.com (@hack_themenu) on Oct 8, 2014 at 9:40am PDT

Why are cemeteries so crowded? Because people are always dying to get in! Plus other people are having weddings there now.

Fewer people are having traditional, expensive, body-in-casket funerals these days, because we've learned how to live forever because people are favoring less-expensive options like cremations and natural burials. This means that cash-strapped funeral homes and cemeteries are looking for other ways to make money, and according to The Associated Press, that's led to a growing trend of hosting weddings.

There are a whole bunch of reasons why this is working — "younger generations are growing up without the same stigma toward death," people are looking for non-church wedding venues, and perhaps most importantly, funeral homes can be a hell of a lot cheaper than a lot of other wedding spots. Check out this example from the AP article:

Peak rental rates for the Community Life Center approach $4,000.

That is less than half the average rate of $9,837 in Indiana, according to the wedding planning website TheKnot.com.

Many funeral homes have started building these "community center" buildings that are meant to host events beyond just funerals. The Community Life Center mentioned above actually also hosted a prom, where I'm sure at least 10 guys thought it would be funny to pretend to be a ghost and sneak up on people.

Everybody who the AP interviewed who had a wedding at a funeral home seemed to have really enjoyed the experience, which makes sense because they chose to have their wedding at a funeral home. Nobody said anything like, "I thought it meant fun-eral home. Like a fun home. I didn't know that dead people were in there sometimes!"

There are so many things I love about having weddings at funeral homes and cemeteries. First of all, it helps us remember that death is a natural part of life, and that places where we pay respect to our dead shouldn't be feared. Secondly, funeral homes and cemeteries are GOREOUS. Not all of them, of course. Some of them have the tacky look of your grandma's house circa 1986. But, for example, check out these images from Spring Grove Cemetery, which hosts weddings in Cincinnati:

I'd get married there, even if it was haunted.

Ever since this video came out in May, a puzzle that has bugged scientists since we started sending out radio signals has regained popularity online: when you think about how big the universe is, it's really weird that we haven't detected any aliens.

Aliens. On the one hand, anyone who says they've seen or met them is probably a liar or an idiot. On the other hand, mathematically speaking, the universe should be crawling with them. The universe is both big and old, meaning that life should have had plenty of time and chances to develop, advance, and spread across each galaxy. The fact that it hasn't, as far as we can see, either means we're alone (unlikely), most life goes extinct before then (depressingly likely), or there's a horrifying race of super-robots out there that will wipe us out once we're advanced enough (unlikely, but would make a pretty good video game series). This problem, also known as the Fermi Paradox, is the subject of the video above by animator and explainer Kurz Gesagt, and since debuting on May 6, it's sparked a smallrenaissance on the topic.

Here's Gesagt's follow-up video with possible solutions to the paradox:

If you'd like to read a super in-depth explainer of the paradox and all the possible solutions to it, check out Wait But Why's opus on the topic.

Basically, it comes down to the Great Filter: whether it's nuclear weapons or some other extinction-causing factor, something seems to be preventing life from advancing to the level of technology necessary to spread across a galaxy. Either that, or advanced civilizations all prefer to download their brains and live eternally in a digital world (where, because processing speeds would be so fast, you could theoretically experience eons of time while only seconds pass in the real world). It's some pretty esoteric stuff, but science is really working on it. We've recently been trying to measure stars and galaxies for excess heat, which could be signals that massive civilizations are harnessing their home stars for energy:

Wondering about this dates back to before the 20th Century—War of the Worlds was written in 1897, and H.G. Wells probably got the idea when Italian astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli thought that he saw canals dug across the surface of Mars in 1877, which he presumed to be irrigation works by a highly advanced civilization. But with the advent of radio signals, flight, and rockets, the question became one of serious scientific merit—which is when Enrico Fermi, after discussing the topic with his fellow physicists at Los Alamos National Laboratory, formulated the paradox in 1950. This most recent burst of interest in the topic is just the latest round of humanity's hand-wringing over why we're alone, but if you were wondering why everyone is talking about it all of a sudden, at least now you're not alone.

Nicki Minaj's record-breaking, meme-generating video "Anaconda" did not get nominated for "Video of the Year" in "MTV's Video Music Awards." So she tweeted this:

If I was a different "kind" of artist, Anaconda would be nominated for best choreo and vid of the year as well.
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) July 21, 2015

Okay, so only five videos can get nominated and a lot of artists don't make it into that category. Minaj's video was nominated for "Best Female Video" and "Best Hip Hop Video." So who made it into the "Best Video Ever Period Amen" category? Um, "Bad Blood" by Taylor Swift.

If your video celebrates women with very slim bodies, you will be nominated for vid of the year
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) July 21, 2015

Personally, I'd be more pissed about Ed Sheeran's "Thinking Out Loud" making it in, because that song is a doo-doo sandwich, but I can see her point. "Bad Blood" is a parade of Hollywood's skinniest, whitest, most normative squad, with perhaps the exception of Lena Dunham, who was basically dressed in drag and sat behind a desk while everyone else slow-mowed in six inch heels.

Taylor wasn't gonna let that rest.

@NICKIMINAJ I've done nothing but love & support you. It's unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) July 21, 2015

Um um um HOLD UP! Nicki Minaj is talking about double standards for women's bodies, specifically white women's and black women's bodies, in the entertainment industry. Whether or not you think those double standards exist, it's not about you, Taylor.

Minaj Fired back:

Huh? U must not be reading my tweets. Didn't say a word about u. I love u just as much. But u should speak on this. @taylorswift13
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) July 21, 2015

Minaj also started retweeting fans who were picking up what she was laying down:

@taylorswift13 I'm still confused as to why u just tweeted me when I made it abundantly clear... pic.twitter.com/A5kJyi6fQC
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) July 21, 2015

I'm baffled as to WHY @taylorswift13 felt the need to come at @NickiMinaj for speaking on behalf of unsung black female entertainers..
— Elgin Charles (@ElginCharles) July 21, 2015

nicki was making valid points about the history of racism in the music industry, taylor should be standing by her not making it about her
— becca (@margaerytyreII) July 21, 2015

Taylor Swift tried to patch things up, maybe realizing she was creating a lot of bad blood of her own:

@NICKIMINAJ If I win, please come up with me!! You're invited to any stage I'm ever on.
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) July 21, 2015

Wow. How...nice.

Nicki just retweeted this:

.@taylorswift13 stop using "support all girls" as an excuse to not be critical of racist media that benefits and glorifies you
— berenice (@itsbereniced) July 21, 2015

Then added:

I'm so glad u guys get to see how this stuff works. Taylor took her music off spotify and was applauded. We launched Tidal & were dragged.
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) July 21, 2015

There was one other female artist nominated in the "Video of the Year" category, and it was Beyoncé. So, Kim Kardashian threw this tweet into the ring, which she has since deleted:

Oh yeah, your husband is in love with Beyoncé, haha.(via @KimKardashian)

Followed by:

Wait wait I'm in Paris it's the middle of the night & I'm posting my Vogue Spain pics not having a clue what's going on in the music world
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) July 21, 2015

I'm not trying to shade anyone! That's not my style! I just thought that caption was perfect for that pic! Changing the caption now! #ironic
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) July 21, 2015

Mm-hmm.

Okay, looks like Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift are going to be spending the next few days brainstorming the perfect music video to encapsulate this Twitter feud. And Kim Kardashian will have a little cameo getting run over by a bus, à la Mean Girls.

Staten Island teacher Adriana Lopez was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. The school's amazing chorus gave her a special end of the year song.

How far into this did you make it before crying? I got about 30 seconds in. I recovered towards the end, then broke down when Mrs. Lopez started crying as she said she had great friends.

Also, this chorus is actually good! Usually, I'm very skeptical of children being used to manipulate me in viral stuff, but the chorus at PS 22 has been blowing the lid off YouTube since they started posting their videos. They even have lots of interactions with surprise celebrity guests. What I'm saying is, they did this for their teacher, not fame. I mean, they can get Carrie Underwood to stop by anytime.

We're wishing you a speedy and complete recovery, Mrs. Lopez! Get back to those kids, they love you.

Barack Obama (this guy who is the president) was on 'The Daily Show' last night.

The Daily Show

It was Obama's final interview with Jon Stewart, who is leavingThe Daily Show in August. (I think the President is also leaving office at some point soon. It seems like there's an election or something going on right now. Not sure, but I've been hearing murmurings.)

The President sat down for a long interview, and it got pretty real. But about politics, the media, and activism. Not, like, how Twitter feuds get real.

Obama spoke (seemingly) frankly about how the media is right to hold the President to a high standard, but does sometimes "get distracted by shiny objects." He also pointed out that it's not true that young people "have lost their idealism or are too cynical or ironic," which I was thrilled to hear him say because that can be a concept some older people fail to grasp. No offense to the President of the United States, who I just called "older."

The Daily Show

The Daily Show

It's heartening that even though the interview was pretty serious, Obama and Stewart took that brief moment at the end to laugh at Donald Trump.

James Minor wants an apology for how he was treated by a Bojangles' location after he tried to do the right thing.

"I'm honest. I know what integrity is. I have integrity."(via WTVR)

It's true what they say: no good deed goes unpunished. And when the punishment comes from a restaurant that served you cold chicken, that injustice is magnified a thousandfold.

On Friday, James Minor pulled up to the drive-thru at a Bojangles' Famous Chicken 'N Biscuits location in Henrico County, Virginia. When his fried chicken order came out, he noticed it was cold, so he asked for a fresh one. Then he was sucked into some sort of Hitchcockian drama.

Minor was asked to pull over and wait, and told his chicken would be ready in about seven minutes. When an employee brought it out to him, he checked it to make sure it was up to snuff. But when he looked in the bag, he saw that this order was also cold… cold hard cash. There was no food inside, just $4,500 and a bunch of deposit slips.

Minor immediately ran inside to tell a manager and return the money, but was shocked at the reaction he received. He described his interaction with the manager to WTVR:

“He told me in an arrogant, nasty attitude, being disrespectful, saying that, 'We would've called the authorities on you, too.' Here I am doing a good thing, bringing the money back. Most folks probably would've kept on going and wouldn't have recognized it until they got home."

And who knows if they would have returned it even then? Luckily, James Minor is a man of integrity, even though he had no idea what he had stumbled into. He suspected he might have been set up or gotten embroiled in some employee's attempt to steal money. It's not hard to understand his confusion. This place is sounding less like a Bojangles', and more like a Pollos Hermanos.

If you don't get the joke, watch Breaking Bad. Watch it anyway, it's great.
(AMC via Wikia)

Minor says that Bojangles' offered him a free meal for his good deed, and later a $100 gift certificate. But he doesn't want their hush money. As he told WTVR:

“I deserve respect, an apologetic letter from the Bojangles' company and probably a cash reward. What is a $100 gift certificate when you're bringing in $4,500?"

Regardless of how the Bojangles' corporate office responds, one thing is clear: they really need to keep a closer eye on that location. Their brand, normally associated with quality fried chicken at a reasonable price, is being sullied by this one franchise. What kind of place serves cold chicken, misplaces thousands of dollars, and treats good samaritans like criminals all in a single transaction? They're just asking to be torn apart on Yelp.

If you missed it, Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift got into it on Twitter last night over the MTV Music Video Awards.

@NICKIMINAJ I've done nothing but love & support you. It's unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) July 21, 2015

In summary, Nicki Minaj thinks the reason her record-breaking video for "Anaconda" didn't get nominated for "Video of the Year" is because of the entertainment industry's racist double standards about white and black women's bodies. You see, Taylor Swift's hot blonde lady parade "Bad Blood" DID get nominated.

It's been an interesting night of Twitter conversations/rants/memes and freshly spilled bad blood.

Most people, however, are taking the VMAs about as seriously as they deserve, including Bruno Mars and Ed Sheeran:

Fanks for the 6 VMA nominations, I like moon men
— Ed Sheeran (@edsheeran) July 21, 2015

But they must have looked over at Minaj and Swift and wanted a piece of the hot, angry action:

Yo I want in on this twitter Beef!! VMAs is the new WWF!! @edsheeran Fuck You!
— Bruno Mars (@BrunoMars) July 22, 2015

Ed Sheeran responded, true to his nature as a fiery redhead:

@BrunoMars any way we do dis you gon' come up short
— Ed Sheeran (@edsheeran) July 22, 2015

Oh, Snap! Because Bruno Mars is short, get it?

Did we ever stop to think that Taylor might be too tall?!(via Getty)

Owie. Bruno doesn't want to play anymore:

That Cut deep..U always know how to sheer me to the core. I can't believe we're Sheeran this in public. How dare u! https://t.co/fdYOVnlScF— Bruno Mars (@BrunoMars) July 22, 2015

Sheeran showed he's a lyricist:

@BrunoMars but all my crew know that Bruno has eyebrows dat be uno. And plays Cluedo with SuBo, but you lose coz you blow
— Ed Sheeran (@edsheeran) July 22, 2015

Fans of both rallied to the cause:

@BrunoMars@edsheeran SAY NO MORE. Place yo bets people pic.twitter.com/VsSzsWuIoc
— Angelie Censon (@echosei_ACE) July 22, 2015

Or just wildly misunderstood what was happening and got angry themselves:

@ambitiontario bout to throw hands on bruno I ain't even playing Bruh I'm swinging— ariana loves tori (@allyswifey) July 22, 2015

Who knew the VMAs could kick up so much drama, both real and fake? Looking forward to more on this crazy imbroglio. Meanwhile, keep an eye on these celebrity social media accounts, they're full of gems:

Lol u guys did we miss the deadline?? #MTV?
A photo posted by Nicki Minaj (@nickiminaj) on Jul 21, 2015 at 11:45am PDT

Spoiler alert: This post contains spoilers, if you consider the location of actors in the world to be spoilers (they are).

"All men must appear in Season 6."(viaHBO)

Remember in the season finale of Game of Thrones when Jon Snow died? You remember. Then remember everyday since then, when the Internet observed actor Kit Harrington's every little move and speculated wildly about what it means regarding Jon Snow's deadness or aliveness? (I'm includingmyself in that, obviously.)

This week, there's a new theory arguing that Jon Snow isn't actually dead. And it's a lot more compelling than his haircut.

According to GoT fan site Watchers on the Wall, Kit Harington has been spotted in Belfast, Ireland. You know, the place in Northern Ireland where Game of Thrones is filmed.

Kit Harington is in Belfast AGAIN; plus, Irish actor joins Game of Thrones http://t.co/Ka389PuBzg#gameofthronespic.twitter.com/J9snWHg4bB
— Watchers on the Wall (@WatchersOTWall) July 21, 2015

He was even on the same flight to Belfast as Jaqen H'ghar (or at least someone wearing his face), and filming for the next season is supposed to start this week. I mean...you don't exactly have to be a Red Priestess to see what's going to happen.

As Watchers on the Wall acknowledges, there could be reasons for Harington to be in Belfast even if Jon Snow is planning to stay dead forever. But they're not likely.

Is it possible Harington is there to simply film a funeral/play a dead body? Technically. But considering how many visits he's had to Belfast in the past couple months of pre-production, I find it very difficult to believe. Harington has also refused to take photos with any fans in Belfast recently, according to several Twitter mentions.

Well, I think we can all agree that Jon Snow is as good as warged into a wolf's body until Melisandre uses blood magic to resurrect him. But I will continue to enjoy the straight up lies that Kit Harington is probably contractually obligated to tell for the next year.

Forget everything you thought you knew about human water balloons.

Gav and Dan, the Slow Mo Guys, have taken YouTube by storm with their super slow motion videos. Using a $150,000 high speed camera, they film explosions, implosions, and everything in between – then they slow the footage down hundreds of times over. Their beautiful HD videos shed fascinating light on the physics behind everyday moments.

But now, it looks like they've run out of everyday moments, because this one is just weird. Four years ago, they filmed themselves popping a 6-foot water balloon. Now, in an impressive feat of grasping for straws, they filmed the same thing, but with one of them inside. It was up to Dan to be the human balloon.

The look on his face when the balloon pops unexpectedly is almost as good as the pop itself. Seeing his shock slowly grow is a real treat. I don't care if the two of them have run out of ideas, these weird videos are their best yet. Keep it up, guys!

Not everyone has the looks for a sexy facial composite.

"Babe, are you saying I look like a greyscale drawing?" (via Distractify)

Distractify had couples describe each other to a police sketch artist, and it resulted in some pretty awesome schadenfreude. At first the women describe the men, and then vice versa. With metaphors such as an "upside-down egg," a "ferret," and a "poor man's Eva Mendes" being used to describe the participants' facial features, no one holds back. Maybe their brutal honesty is a sign of love? Yeah, let's just pretend that's what's happening.

Khloé Kardashian is getting her own TV show. Can you believe it? Probably.

Excited to announce my new talk show "Kocktails with Khloé" on the @FYI network!! Can't wait to show you all what we have in store for you on the show. More to come soon!
A photo posted by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on Jul 21, 2015 at 10:03am PDT

Khloé announced the new show through a photo posted on Instagram, because that's how announcements are announced now! The pic is in the selfie style, but was clearly taken by someone else, as proven by her arm configuration. She is drinking a glass of wine, and in addition to some hen, wine, and martini emojis, the caption reads:

Excited to announce my new talk show "Kocktails with Khloé" on the FYI network!! Can't wait to show you all what we have in store for you on the show. More to come soon!

What do you think the show is about? Alcohol and chatting? Or would it be khatting? Either way, I like both of those things. I mean "both those khings." I mean "koth khose khings." I mean, "k."

North Carolina is introducing a pilot program to let high schoolers take PE from home.

There's no "i" in "team," but there is in "iPad."(stock photo)

When I was in high school, I hated gym. Being forced to compete, the teacher shouting at me to "hustle," changing in the locker room with the other boys… it was a daily nightmare. I was a chubby, unathletic kid way out of my element. But if I had been able to take gym at home, using a computer, I would have been much, much happier. And at least twice as chubby.

North Carolina's Virtual Public School, a service that lets kids in the state take courses not offered by their local school system, is testing a revolutionary idea: virtual gym. In case you're imaging someone wearing a VR headset and doing jumping jacks, don't worry. It's not nearly that cool. According to the press release, here's how it will work:

“Teachers will provide video demonstration of a physical activity or sport, then students will practice those skills and build their own video portfolios to document their progress and display mastery."

Finally, a non-creepy reason for teenagers to film themselves exercising and send it to an adult. It seems like this system would work well for exercises, but not so much for team sports. Have you ever played basketball by correspondence? It takes forever.

If you're wondering why the state would want to do this, that's an excellent question. It could be used by students who need to catch up on credits, or for “pre-professional athletes with rigorous athletic training demands that require an alternate academic schedule." Oh, now I get it. They're just doing this to be able to micromanage the development of future North Carolina college sports stars. I knew there was an ulterior motive.

The program will launch in Macon and New Hanover counties this fall. If it's successful, the rest of the state will follow. Then a generation of awkward kids like me will be spared the humiliation of gym class. Unless someone leaks their exercise videos. Then it'll be much worse.

All the other divers are lined up like, "When's it my turn?"

"I don't know if you're a boy or a girl but that wetsuit is bangin'"

This video was recently posted to the Facebook community Ocean Reality, which may now be my favorite place to go mellow out and watch seahorses swim around. It was originally filmed by Julián Bala, though I don't know if that's him getting all the kisses.

He also has this cool vid of a diver playing with a Mama or Papa sea lion, scratching their bellies with a makeshift tool. Delightful!

Bad news though: sea lions can be very aggressive and dangerous, so if one is swimming quickly at your face do not assume it wants kisses. It probably wants fish or to bite your face, whichever comes first.

At least they're not sharks!

1 in 5 residents of Ottawa, Canada are on the site. Not 1 in 5 married residents. 1 in 5 of ALL residents. It gets even worse once you really crunch the numbers.

The Canadian Parliament, aka the Great Northern Boner.

Oh, Canada! America's polite little sibling who never fully moved out of mother England's basement is turning out to be a real freak in the bedroom. That's right, not only is Avid Life Media (parent company of cheating website Ashley Madison and sugar daddy site Established Men) itself Canadian, but its most popular market is none other than the capital of the Great White North, Ottawa. An unbelievable 189,810 of the city's 883,391 residents (as of 2011) had profiles on the site. That's 21.5% of the population (which has probably grown since then, so let's just call it 20%) in the city that is home to Canada's Parliament and federal government.

Related: How Ashley Madison ruined my reputation (on purpose) long before the hack.

Lets break this down further. 18.9% of Ottawa's population is under 15, which adds up to 166,961 kids. I assume Canadians don't get married until at least 18, but whatever, they only count kids under 15. This leaves us with 716,430 Ottawans over 15. In 2001, for the first time in history, the percentage of Canadians over 15 who were married fell below 50%. So, let's be conservative and say that rate has only fallen to 45% since then.

That leaves 322394 married Ottawans—probably fewer. THAT MEANS AT LEAST 58.8% OF MARRIED OTTAWANS WERE ON ASHLEY MADISON. THAT MEANS THOUSANDS OF COUPLES HAD BOTH SPOUSES ON THE SITE.

Related: In (dis)honor of Ashley Madison, here's the best of partners getting caught cheating on other networks.

Why, you ask? Not generally, "WHY?!" but, "Why Ottawa?" Well, the short answer is that politicians and the lobbyists who own them are supposed to be married, whether or not that marriage is happy. Even if you're not actually an elected official, working in a government town often requires presenting a traditionally successful image—and that includes a stable marriage (and not an open one). “In our buttoned-down city, it may not be acceptable to openly explore outside of a committed relationship," said Ottawa marriage counselor Nataxja Cini to the New York Post.

It's a small town where everyone is either political or blue collar—you can't just go to a dive bar to pick up some anonymous tail when everyone in town either went to high school together or are determined to destroy the other half in the next election.

The rates of cheating increase with the proximity to power: the top zip code for cheaters in Ottawa is the residential district right next to Parliament Hill. A lot of people are predicting a bunch of awkward conversations at dinner tables in Ottawa this week, but after crunching the numbers and realizing that there must be thousands of couples where both spouses were on the site, I think those awkward conversations happened a long time ago. Maybe all those cheating power couples will go on a relaxing trip out of town to have affairs in a more exciting city.

"Why do you think everyone goes to Montreal to have a good time?" 38-year-old Katy told the Post,“Ottawa is the city fun forgot."

Sooooo, here's some news: XENA IS MAKING A COMEBACK TO NBC IN 2016! AIR HORN! AIR HORN!!!!

I just realized that Argo the horse is probably dead by now.(via Getty)

Let's try to keep a level head, everyone! *runs in circles for half an hour, passes out briefly, wakes up, eats a salad, cautiously approaches computer, blacks out again, comes to while writing this post*

Deep breath...According to The Hollywood Reporter,Xena: Warrior Princess is coming back to NBC. If you're a fan, you probably know that Xena was originally a spinoff of Hercules, after appearing as a love interest for Kevin Sorbo for a few episodes. Her character was so popular they decided actress Lucy Lawless could definitely carry a franchise. And f*ck yeah she could! The show aired from 1995-2001, at which point our heroine succumbed to the one ailment she'd always been able to bounce back from before: death.

Which has us asking: will Lucy Lawless be back? Obviously, no one else can be Xena except Lucy Lawless. And if you haven't seen her lately, she's still looking fly as hell:

Return to me!(via Getty)

Here's what she said in an interview with HitFixduring Comic-Con:

"I've been pitching that show … because … there's a swell of interest still. I'm always being peppered with questions [about] when the Xena movie is coming. Guys, I'm pitching my ass off to make it happen, whether it's with me or not. I think it'd be funny to have a reboot like Ash vs. Evil Dead— like middle-aged Xena in a muumuu with a bad attitude and a smoking habit. … Bring [actor] Ted Raimi [who played Joxer] in … [and maybe] Bruce Campbell.

"I don't know what the hold-up is; it's about who has got the rights. But that's a piss-poor excuse anymore. Find who has got the rights, freakin' pay it. It's better to have 80 percent of something than 100 percent of nothing. Don't waste this opportunity; reinvigorate that franchise! It's an insane, international character. They're fools not to bring it back. It's funny, it's sexy, it's action."

Yes, yes, yes to all that. Thank you, Lord, that someone finally took this gorgeous woman's advice! Original executive producers Rob Tapert (who is also Lawless' husband, so she has an "in" there) and Sam Raimi are involved, and it's looking like it might happen in 2016. I guess that means I better brush off my cosplay costume, huh?

Gabrielle's identity has been concealed for my protection. I'm afraid what she'd do to me if she saw this. (via Me)