Is this video of a koala chasing a woman on an ATV into a herd of cows the most Australian thing ever?

Ebony Churchill was just driving the roads of her home country, when she got on the bad side of a koala somehow, then recorded her harrowing experience for our collective amusement. I've never been to Australia, but as an American living in an urban metropolis I have some very specific ideas about what it's like there: a constant battle of man vs. blood-thirsty flora and fauna.

Even though the koala appears to be a sleepy, leaf eating cuddle bug, I know that all those pics of people holding them on Facebook are produced at a place that has a big budget for industrial strength koala sedative. A koala's natural response to you is, "EAT FACE!" so it's not at all surprising to watch one chase an actual motorbike down the road. It even jumps on the wheel, like, "Bitch, you're gonna need to call the city to get me removed!"

No sign of how she extricated herself from this situation, but I assume she took out a bowie knife and challenged him to a didgeridoo contest. 

Congrats on your surfboard, Ellen, and thanks for all the inspiration.

Comedian Ellen DeGeneres' very presence in the public eye as an out lesbian celebrity for the last twenty years, and her relationship with her wife Portia de Rossi has been an enormous service to the LGBTQ community. She's shown how absolutely normal she is, to the point of being almost dull (very cute show though, love the dancing!). In 1997, she sat down with Oprah to talk about how hard it was for her to come out and how she hid her sexuality for years, and people forget now what a brouhaha it was. Well, she gave a gentle reminder in her speech at The Teen Choice Awards last night and it was very touching:

Wow, thank you so much. I’m honored to be in that category. There were some hilarious people and so thank you very much. And what a coincidence, and it’s convenient, I was on my way to the beach, I had forgotten my surfboard so this will come in handy. I’ll put it on top of my car.

I wanna say right now that I am pro-Teen Choice – just wanna get that out there. And you know they say teens make bad decisions but you made a very good decision tonight by choosing me. That was smart, smart, smart. All of you.

I wanna say also it feels good to be chosen but there was a time in my life that I was not chosen. I was the opposite of chosen because I was different, and I think I wanna make sure that everyone knows that what makes you different right now, makes you stand out later in life. So you should be proud of being different, proud of who you are.

I won a People’s Choice Award, I would think that teens would be in that category. I don’t know why teens are not in the “people” category but if they’re breaking it down, I’d like an award from the elderly and babies — if that’s going to happen — to cover everybody.

The most important thing I wanna say is just really embrace who you are because being unique is very, very important and fitting in is not all what matters. It’s being unique and being who you are.

And what an amazing day this is, this is my 7-year wedding anniversary, so happy anniversary.

That's right, teens, Ellen says to embrace your differences. And she's a damn millionaire with a beautiful wife. Happy anniversary, you two!

Designers from 18 countries show their culture's ideal body type as well as their Photoshop skills.

Let's judge a bunch of women's bodies! This time, they've been photoshopped by designers from around the world to show what the "perfect" body looks like. This project was created by Superdrug Online Doctor, which I think sells prescriptions in the UK? I can't tell if it's legit or not. Anyway, you can now see what ideal women's bodies are, and maybe move to the country that best suits your body type.

The idea behind this project is to show that beauty is not universal. However, each designer's rendition of the perfect woman is just one person's opinion. I doubt they did any nationwide polling before hunkering down in Photoshop to carve away at some thighs until they looked juuuuuust right. The bodies definitely vary, as well as hair color, underwear color, and footwear, all of which are very important when creating the perfect woman.

There's also a chart to tell you approximately how much these fake women weigh, which can be used either as research or as another way to see how you measure up and give yourself more anxiety about you body, which is what I did:

Here are all the perfect women from around the world. Instead of using these images to judge yourself or others, I suggest judging the designer's Photoshop skills, I promise it is far more rewarding.

Like many before her, this woman bravely took pictures of herself without makeup to make a confusing point.

Beauty vlogger Alexa Mitchell created an experiment to find out if guys prefer makeup-free pictures or retouched pictures. If you think the answer is retouched, then you're absolutely correct, and should have made a video about it first, because this one has almost 100,000 views.

Mitchell took three pictures of herself without makeup and posted them on Tinder. She swiped right on 100 guys, waited five hours, and got 16 matches. Then she retouched the pictures, repeated the process, and got 73 matches.

According to Buzzfeed, she concluded that "men who use dating apps like Tinder are more responsive to a cleaner, more flawless appearance, not necessarily heavier makeup and exaggerated features." Another conclusion could be that men favor women who adhere to society's beauty standards, aka they swipe right on hot chicks. Another conclusion could be "Duh." 

What I do like about this video is that it undercuts some of the nonsense that pervades a lot of the best #PowerofMakeup videos and experiments. (If you live under a rock that doesn't offer access to beauty YouTube, people make a lot of videos wearing different amounts of makeup to varying degrees of empowerment.) Mitchell highlights how she's treated better when she wears makeup, which undercuts the whole "I wear makeup just for me because I love it for myself" argument that you see a lot in these social experiments.

Makeup can be fun, but let's not forget that it can also be a face prison. Now can anyone recommend a good strobing tutorial?

Financial advisers are increasingly advising young graduates to move back in with their parents. If you have kids, don't show them this article.

Everyone rags on millennials moving back in with their parents these days. The "entitlement generation" is the butt of constant jokes about the fact that they're not independent and live in a perpetual state of arrested development. All this may be true, but it discounts one important fact: millennials are totally screwed. And the best chance they have to pull themselves out of the hole dug for them by previous generations is to move back home.

That's the premise of CNN chief business correspondent Christine Romans. In her new book Smart Is the New Rich: Money Guide for Millennials, she argues that living at home is the only way many young people can avoid spending the rest of their adult life saddled with debt: "For these graduates, the biggest financial advantage they have is living at home and taking the rent part off of the table."

The fact is, many people in their twenties don't have the means to live on their own, and it's not necessarily their fault. Tuitions and the cost of living are both on a meteoric rise across the country, and countless graduates are leaving college with crippling debt already weighing them down. What's more, the fancy degrees they bought with that debt aren't getting them the jobs they used to. Unemployment and underemployment are quickly becoming the norm.

Canadian financial writer Krystal Yee agrees with Romans. She told CBC News that struggling millennials should get over the stigma of moving home for their own sake, saying, "That sacrifice to move home and kind of swallow your pride is worth it." However, that's not a free pass to mooch indefinitely. She advocates that people move back home for only two years – long enough to make a big dent in their debt, but not to become complacent. They should also definitely contribute toward household expenses so they don't jeopardize their parents' retirement plans.

Yee even goes so far as to recommend that millennials sign a contract with their parents to give both parties an out if the situation becomes unbearable. This brings up another important point: if you're going to move back home, be respectful. You're an adult and your parents are doing you a kindness, so don't throw any wild sex parties under their roof. And don't interfere with their wild sex parties. They waited your whole childhood to start their swinging lifestyle, and they don't need you ruining their fun now. Use some of the money you're saving on rent to buy noise-canceling headphones. You'll be glad you did.

Are the rumors true? Is visionary artist Rihanna dating apparent basketball player Matt Barnes? 

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Matt Barnes, whom Wikipedia and this picture of him holding a basketball suggest is a basketball player, told TMZ that he and Rihanna might be heading toward a relationship.

Then Rihanna posted the above Instagram picture of Barnes. She included the following hashtags: #bishwhere, #thedevilisaliar, #shesnotthatintoyou, #shesnotintoyouatall, #shesneverevenmetyou, #thisactuallyhurtmyfeelings, and #defamationofcharacter.

Those are all pretty biting but "she's never even met you" probably hits the hardest. You never hear about long-lasting romances between people who have never met.

He couldn't just sit by and watch his kids be rewarded for nothing.

Participation trophies are totally a thing that make old people say stuff like, "Back in my day, the only trophy we got was a firm kick in the ass! Your generation is way too coddled."

Yesterday, James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers took to Instagram to basically say that, when he saw that his kids received "Best of the Batch Awards" for participating in an athletics program:

I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies! While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy. I'm sorry I'm not sorry for believing that everything in life should be earned and I'm not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best...cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better...not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy. #harrisonfamilyvalues

Is he a good parent? Or was he too harsh? Do you think we care? What, you want a cookie for your opinion? 

If any aliens are reading this, please don't nuke me.

Edgar Mitchell, an Apollo 14 astronaut who was the sixth person to walk on the moon, had some surprising things to say about aliens. He told the Mirror Online that during the Cold War, UFOs frequently disabled missiles to prevent a nuclear disaster:

"My own experience talking to people has made it clear the ETs had been attempting to keep us from going to war and help create peace on Earth."

He said he got his info from people who were in the Air Force at the time:

"I have spoken to many Air Force officers who worked at these silos during the Cold War. They told me UFOs were frequently seen overhead and often disabled their missiles. Other officers from bases on the Pacific coast told me their [test] missiles were frequently shot down by alien spacecraft. There was a lot of activity in those days."

My initial reaction is that these comments are crazy. But then again, this guy has been to space, and I've been goofing around on Planet Earth since the day I was born. So what do I know? An expert who the Mirror Online consulted pointed out that Mitchell is describing the exact plot of The Day The Earth Stood Still. But what do experts know? Maybe the aliens are flying around, dismantling bombs, writing sci-fi screenplays, and laughing at our silliness the whole time. These aliens hate war, but who says they don't love to laugh?

While it is confirmed to be *a* wedding dress, it doesn't appear to be *her* wedding dress.

In what is one of the most unjust Internet hoaxes in recent memory, a photo of Jennifer Aniston's supposed wedding dress has been proven to not actually be hers. This photo went viral after an Aniston fan page masquerading as her real profile posted it with the caption, "You have my whole heart for my whole life. ‪#‎WeddingDress‬."

After what the tabloids have reported to be approximately 892 fake weddings and 49 months into various pregnancies with her beau Justin Theroux, Aniston officially tied the knot last weekend, in what must have been the best surprise wedding since Jessa and Thomas John on Girls. 

Fans were so eager to see what fashion icon Aniston wore to her special day, that a photo of a ponytailed blonde woman posted on an unverified Jennifer Aniston fan page was confused for the real deal. 

By virtue of the fact that the woman in it is a different person, this is probably not Aniston's wedding photo. 

A close examination of the woman's profile prove that the features of her face do not match those of Jennifer Aniston. 

Internet super-sleuths were able to discern how the image has actually been circulating online for a while, back when Aniston was still without a husband, and an object of pity for the entire world. 

 

One thing we know for sure, is that Aniston's toned arms are likely to have been moistened by Aveeno (her Aveeno ads are probably my most-watched video on Hulu), and that she was hydrated by Smart Water (yet another awesome endorsement deal).

In the meantime, grab some popcorn and beer and get comfortable while we wait for official wedding portraits to surface.

 

 (via Giphy)

 

It's what I've been saying all along. 

Like a true Iowan everyman, Donald Trump showed up to the Iowa State Fair in his helicopter. After calling Obamacare a slut, or challenging China to a breath-holding-contest, or whatever it is Trump is doing nowadays, he let some of the kids go for a ride in his fancy helicopter, like a true rich, eccentric uncle. The Bowman family and their young boys hopped in, and while they were cruising, the following exchange occurred between William, 9, and Trump:

"Mr. Trump," he said, aiming the camera at his benefactor.

"Yes," Trump said, pulling on the lapels of his jacket.

"Are you Batman?" the boy asked.

"I am Batman," Trump said.

That explains everything! He came from a rich family, he likes to take justice into his own hands, it's hard to understand him when he's talking, he lives in a penthouse above the city, and he has a lot of issues with the women in his life.

William was wearing a GoPro and recorded the whole thing, but the videos kept gettingdeleted from YouTube. Was this the result of a cover-up? Did Trump screw up? Was he trying to mask his hidden identity? Well, no, actually. We found the original video below, which hasn't been deleted. It comes from a Republican reporter named Monte Goodyk, and it seems like he was just trying to get people to stop stealing his video, but we're gonna pretend it was a cover-up since that's way more dramatically compelling.

What else is he hiding? 

The Teen Choice Awards are usually annoying and uneventful. This was not the case last night.

Everyone knows the phrase "teen choice" is an oxymoron, because teenagers make terrible decisions. However, Vin Diesel gave some weight to this silly award show when he gave a touching tribute to his friend and fellow Furious 7 actor, Paul Walker.

     Related: The music video from 'Furious 7' includes the movie ending that made everyone cry.

He went on stage with Ludacris, Jordana Brewster and Michelle Rodriguez when Furious 7 won the award for Choice Movie: Action. These were Diesel's moving words to the young audience:

“I can’t stand here and be rewarded like this without talking about somebody very, very, very important to us... One of the best blessings in our lives is the fact that we have the opportunity to call Pablo our brother. Paul Walker is here in spirit with us.”

Congratulations, #Furious7 family. #TeenChoice#TeenChoiceAwardspic.twitter.com/Pmckc074gb

— Teen Choice Awards (@TeenChoiceFOX) August 17, 2015

In another heavy moment, Paul Walker posthumously won the award for Choice Movie Actor: Action.

Becoming a national joke synonymous with amoral swindlers in the 80s wasn't enough to stop televangelism. It's still going strong, but at least now we have Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption.

In this video, John Oliver spends the first 15 minutes doing a wonderful exposé and takedown of televangelist churches and pastors, showing how they prey on the sick and lonely to send them money that could be going towards health care in the vain promise of receiving miracle cures and financial windfalls. This, of course, turns out to be a financial windfall for the preachers, who are miraculously cured of their lack of private jets. 

Since he can do that much more in-depth than I can, let me talk about the last part, which will make you significantly less furious with people who truly embody the word blasphemy. John Oliver (with special guest Rachel Dratch) has founded a new church, Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, which is, for all legal purposes, a real non-profit church you can donate your money to by calling 1-800-THIS-IS-LEGAL. If you call that number, this is what you will hear:

Here's a transcript of that message, created by redditor kkeenn123:

Greetings, Caller! Praise be to you! You have reached 1-800-THIS-IS-LEGAL, the official toll free telephone number for Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption Church. This is your pastor, Mega-Reverend, and CEO John Oliver speaking. If you are interested in sending us money, praise be, please send it to the following address. Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, PO Box 1954, New York, New York, 10113.

I'll say that again, caller, praise be, praise be, Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, PO Box 1954 like the year, New York, New York, zip code 10113. Zip code one more time cause it's important, 10113, praise be caller praise be.

If you send us money you will be greeted by many miracles, caller, many miracles! Uh-Miracles being a term so subjective it's technically meaningless and many be defined for the purposes of this call as a number that could indeed be zero. Obviously you do not need to send this money to be a member of this church however, if you don't send this money, God will be extremely angry with you. His words, not mine. If you are not interested in sending us money right now, please get off the phone and go find somebody who is.

Do it. Do it. Do that. Get off the phone; get off the phone right now and find someone who is willing to give me money. Go now! Put the phone down now and go get someone with money! Go do it NOW! Get of this phone NOW and go find someone to GET ME MONEY. GIVE ME SOME MONEY. GO FIND THEM, I WANT MONEY. GIVE ME MONEY. breathing

I am going to presume that you are doing that, praise be caller, praise be. One more time the address while you are waiting, Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, PO Box 1954, New York, New York, 10113. I'm presuming that you are get/finding someone who will give me money. Is there someone with money there? Hello? Do you have money? Hello? No? Well I'm going to hang up then, Glory be, yadda yadda yadda, SEND ME MONEY

[someone else] The fundraising activities of Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption are not directed at persons in Mississippi, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and South Carolina. Residents of those states may not donate.

The message here, much like the message sent by the Colbert Report when they created their own SuperPAC, is that the laws here are obscenely open and subject to abuse. No one (among the population of the one guy writing this article) is saying churches shouldn't be tax-exempt or that people shouldn't be able to make tax-deductible donations to them—but maybe someone should start checking into preachers who literally promise to cure cancer and then turn the money they get into mansions and jets. They might not even find anything wrong (they will), but it might be worth checking.

Fox News went out of its way to mention that it's a Black Bear.

It was just his cross to bear. Douglas Harder of Sandpoint, Idaho has his home frequently visited by bears with varying degrees of cuteness.

Last week, while Harder was out of the house, a bear snuck in through the sliding door of his condo, presumably to check out his DVD collection and see if he had the 1998 Gwyneth Paltrow film, Sliding Doors.

The bear ransacked the condo and left a present for Harder when he got home. It took him two hours to clean up the place, and probably 10 hours to Febreze the room before the poop scent was fully masked.

Just last Friday, the bear was ready for round two. While Harder had since locked or fortified his sliding door, the bear tried to sneak in at the front, through the cat flap.

It all started with me sending the local tv stations in Spokane yesterday a photo of a young bear trying to get in my...

Posted by Doug Harder on Saturday, August 15, 2015

This story was picked up all over, including sites like Gawker and CNN, but only a Fox News site mentioned the bear is black. Seriously. 

The picture is not only adorable but also brings back fond memories of another famous bear's breaking and entering. If only the Idaho bear had a team composed of a human, a rabbit, and later a kangaroo to help him get through the hole.

While it's probably hard for Harder to have to defend his home from predatory forest mammals, it must be fun to be just beets and Battlestar Galactica away from having the full Dwight Schrute trifecta in his home. 

Congrats to University of Alabama's Alpha Phi, for making cliché stereotypes of sororities seem understated.

Gotta say, I'm not particularly shocked by this recruitment vid made by the sisters of Alpha Phi for their rush week. University of Alabama seems like the perfect place to find a video of white blondes walking around in bikinis and hitting each other with blow-up Tootsie Roll floaties. Everyone is describing it very generously as "mostly white," but the woman parade on view here is so blonde and ivory-skinned that when a brunette finally appeared, I was like, "Is she okay? What's wrong with her head?" So, yeah, it's WHITE, full stop.

The version above is a copy, because the original was taken down after it got raked over the coals by writer A.L. Bailey on AL.com. Here's a sample of this fair and balanced review:

No, it's not a slick Playboy Playmate or Girls Gone Wild video. It's a sorority recruiting tool gaining on 500,000 views in its first week on YouTube. It's a parade of white girls and blonde hair dye, coordinated clothing, bikinis and daisy dukes, glitter and kisses, bouncing bodies, euphoric hand-holding and hugging, gratuitous booty shots, and matching aviator sunglasses. It's all so racially and aesthetically homogeneous and forced, so hyper-feminine, so reductive and objectifying, so Stepford Wives: College Edition. It's all so ... unempowering. 

Are they recruiting a diverse and talented group of young women embarking on a college education? Upon first or even fifth glance, probably not. Hormonal college-aged guys? Most assuredly yes. Older, male YouTube creepers? A resounding yes.

Me-ow! Lack of diversity is a common (and legitimate) criticism of the Greek system, and Alphi Phi isn't doing anything to dispel that observation with this video sales-pitch. It also seems perfectly designed for the Instagram generation: young girls who are committed to looking rich, glamorous and sexualized in a square format. While college should be fun, are girls being told to do it for the 'Likes?' Try to take away something from your university besides followers, future leaders of America.

Anyway, if you dig it and don't care about diversity, you're not alone. Most commenters have been telling A.L. Bailey she'd jealous as hell. Like this cool guy:

Some bridesmaids get attention with over-choreographed reception dances. Others do this.

An imgur user's sister passed out at "the exact moment the judge said, 'You may kiss the bride.'" Mighty convenient time to briefly lose consciousness, if you ask us. 

Her upturned butt will now be the main thing everyone remembers from this wedding, especially because of the gorgeous composition of this photo (well done, photographer!). The lighting on her bare foot is particularly romantic. 

Just for no reason at all. Why'd you do that, animal? We were having a good time.

This dolphin is also a species of ham. (via Imgur)

Everyone knows animals are sweet, animals are innocent, and animals represent every kind of unvarnished goodness that our humanity has corrupted. But did you know that sometimes they're just utter dicks? Not even when provoked! Just because they're spazzes. Well, imgur user LiterallySr put together this album of 18 gifs as proof, so now you have to believe it.

Animals being dicks

Dicks.