If you're vamping topless in the desert, you might as well document it.

Kim Kardashian posed without a shirt and with an entire desert for the cover of C Magazine, and she shared some images from the shoot via Instagram on Thursday.

In that last one, she uses the rare thought bubble emoji, which you don't see much nowadays.

For all the "what is she even famous for" sheep out there, Kim helpfully clarifies her preferred job title in the interview: 

I would say “entrepreneur” if I had to say one word. When I’m traveling and they ask what my occupation is I never know what to say—I always switch it. Sometimes I’ll say perfumer, sometimes author. Sometimes I’ll just say [retail] sales.

There you have it. Entrepreneur. Mogul. TV personality. Fashion magnate. Power woman. (I added a few.)

Beau Coffron is a San Francisco dad who got Internet famous for the crazy elaborate lunches he makes for his two kids.

Beau is married and has a full-time job, but still manages to find time to make his kids an elaborate bento lunch once a week. Even though he has no formal experience in art, he was inspired when one of his kids was starting kindergarten and he saw that other parents made cool lunches.

Beau started blogging about his experience on his website, Lunchbox Dad, and the site has blown up over the past few years. He's published articles on parenting for a bunch of notable publications and speaks at parenting conferences across the U.S. He even landed a sponsorship with Whole Foods. He usually bases the lunches off of the TV shows/movies his kids are watching, and uses an array of different healthy ingredients to realize his artistic visions.

They're so well-made that I would feel bad eating one. It'd be like taking a bite of a chocolate bunny and knowing that you've forever ruined what used to be a fine sculpture. Some of Lunchbox Dad's lunches also contain "edible modeling dough," which sounds suspicious. But hats off to you, Beau — better that than feeding your kids whatever plastic concoctions other kids are eating. Now all you have to do is get on Instagram and brag about it. Oh wait, nevermind.

A win for one is a win for many.

Mattie Witman is the winner of the 2015 Miss Teen Oklahoma City/Tulsa pageant, and so much more. She originally thought her nomination was a prank, but it clearly wasn't, and her commanding victory speaks volumes about her strength and conviction. Mattie took advantage of her new title to eloquently note that her win is about so much more than just her:

“There are people who need to be brave, who need to stand up for other people and to show people there is a life outside of imperfect standards of beauty that are put on women.” 

“Not only can I address things such as beauty, but also can address an entire community that has faced discrimination and continues to face discrimination. It’s a small step, but it’s a step in the right direction.”

Mattie is wise beyond her years. She has advanced to the next level of a national competition, which means she'll compete in Florida this fall. Her leadership is worthy of several crowns, and long may she reign. 

We need a hero brave enough to take him on. 

A business owner in southeast Portland, Oregon kept noticing that there was shit on the side of his business. He had also heard reports that a man was seen shitting on the side of his business. He put two and two together and concluded that someone was shitting on his business. So, he put a camera in the window to catch the culprit and got a pretty great "deer-in-the-headlights" shot of this dude dropping a load:

KOIN news broadcasted the video and put it online in the hopes that someone will be able to identify (or go full-out vigilante on) the subject. That must be pretty embarrassing, having a video of you shitting go public. On the other hand, this guy shits on other people's buildings, so he's probably way past caring about that.

Help. We might soon run out of Game of Thrones characters to argue are still alive, and season six doesn't start for a year.

[Believe it or not, there are spoilers in this post. Like, a lot of them. And really big ones too.]

We wondered if Jon Snow was dead. We wondered if Jon Snow was alive. We wondered how much pressure Kit Harrington is under to keep his beautiful mouth shut. And now we're moving on.

Yesterday, the Internet debated whether Meera might be Jon Snow's twin sister. That excitingly kept our minds occupied for an entire day. And now, inevitably, the time has come to chat about Stannis.

In the last season finale, it seemed like Stannis died. Brienne wanted to kill Stannis, and then she stood above him with a sword, and then she swung it. But the show cut away before we saw what happened, and it's not like Game of Thrones tries to spare fragile viewers from seeing any heads bouncing off. A character dying off-screen is a huge red flag, like when a date shows you your dead dad's head on a stick.

This week, a fan asked George R. R. Martin a question about Stannis via Livejournal. (Yes, apparently big things are still happening on Livejournal.)

The fan asked, "alright mr Marin, lets cut the crap, is Stannis alive or dead"? GRRM replied, "In my books? Alive, beyond a doubt."

So coy, George R.R. Martin. The author confirmed that Stannis is alive in the books, but the show has gotten farther ahead in Stannis' storyline, so it's still unclear what happened re: Brienne cutting his head off. 

It seems like the only way to handle this situation is for the Internet to come up with a highly detailed, wildly speculative, impossibly confusing theory. Or, to be safe, maybe a few.

Send these to someone else who is wasting the last days of summer staring at the Internet.

1.

2. 

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4. 

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10.

Russell Munro and his wife took their son's request for a 'Transformers' cake super seriously.

Russell, who seems to be an engineer of some sort, designed an animated cake platform with the help of 3D printer, which he posted below:

His wife then baked the cake and put it on top of the platform, and the whole thing came together (i.e. didn't collapse) for the party:

It's a pretty awesome cake, but this whole thing had me thinking: Maybe we could one day live in a world where the woman makes the platform and the man bakes the cake. I guess we can only hope... 

This has been today's second news item concerning things that shouldn't be edible but are. 

Isn't that implied on all roommates' doors?(via)

Whether you're in your post-college years or your mid-forties and sleeping in your old room at your parents' house, the roommate situation is a hotbed of hostility and spoiled food-borne illness. Eventually, the unwashed dishes and random pubic hair discoveries become too much to bear, and accusations and apologies are exchanged in pointed, often wonderfully clever notes. Here are some of our favorites that reveal way too much about the gross ways in which non-sex-having humans tend to co-habitate.

Tough but fair.(via)
 

Please be chocolate, please be chocolate…(via)
 

In the prison yard, mugs equal prestige.(via)
 

Nobody loves the fridge!(via)
 

I've made the same list when I was stone sober.(via)
 

This is an aristocratic household. Kettle Corn only! (via)
 

This could lead to your broke roommate supplementing his income by stuffing rags down the toilet every morning.(Via)
 

Your roommates are here for you Fat Dan. Helping you is delicious.(Via)
 

The day Rob helped Matt go from arachnophobe to agoraphobe.(Via)
 

It's a fun living situation when everyone gets their own tp-buying logo.(Via)
 

These dudes should offer their services to help fight Matt and Rob's spiders.(Via)
 

By the looks of Alex, it might never be alcoholism for him.(via)
 

Sounds like a fair, creepy deal.(via)
 

The title begins with "Roommate took Adderall..."(via)
 

When grieving over Buffy's loss gets awkward.(via)
 

Card? He deserves a trophy.(via)
 

To clarify, Jesse's mom makes pies, does not want him dead.(via)
 

This may as well say "look in the garage!"(via)
 

Not all Dads are comfortable saying "I love you."(via)
 

"Mom/Dad [illegible]" - Your Drunk Daughter(via)
 

Thanks for the heads up, Richard.(via)
 

Letter from a Birmingham kitchen.(via)
 

She forgot the part about cake.(via)
 

Noted, Grumpy Roommate.(via)
 

When Dad finds Mom's to-do list.(via)
 

I would leave it on just for the thrill of it.(via)
 

That's like a regular stopper, only angrier.(via)
 

This is going to be one paranoid flu season.(via)
 

Looks like one steak will do.(via)
 

Passive, aggressive, and beautiful.(via)
 

Definitely beats a sticky note.(via)
 

To err is human, to forgive is bacon.(via)
 

Looks like we need bananas... and paper.(via)
 

Shitty poetry.(via)
 

On the other hand, brownies!(via)
 

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Pops.(via)
 

And look for an apartment like you live with a psycho.(via)
 

Typical delicious/aggressive behavior.(via)
 

A few more letters and it would've been done, dick. (via)
 

Fucking love you too, Dad.(via)
 

Thanks for the "$5.00," Colleen!(via)
 

A stoner roommate could read that the wrong way.(via)
 

Impressive, if he actually reached the milk.(via)
 

Why, when there's a perfectly usable sheet left?(via)
 

Too good to be mad about. Unless it's not head hair.(via)
 

Hope he likes cold pizza. (via)
 

That looks oddly delicious. Also, "honeys" count as roommates when they act like this.
(via)
 

The artist couldn't sign his work due to a broken hand. (via)
 

My instincts tell me that was no accident.(via)
 

Or, you could've just written "pay bills."(via)
 

A sign that you're probably too old to have roommates.(via)
 

"I could change the roll, or take out my phone and..."(via)
 

It's impossible to read that without hearing his voice.(via)
 

It's the thought that counts.(via)
 

Thanks for the pancakes, Mr. Pinkman.(via)
 

The man in the mirror is a huge dick.(via)
 

Yep, that says "puke."(via)
 

Even his notes stink. (via)
 

First line of the worst porno ever. (via)
 

Mistakes are life's tasty lessons. (via)
 

"Why yes, toilet paper roll, I -- dammit!" (via)
 

The old "How to Get Your New Roommate Naked with a Spider Note" trick.(via)
 

"Ew, ew, Captain."(via)
 

Good luck with that auto-erotic asphyxiation.(via)
 

TL;DR already packing my stuff.(via)
 

I guess the short answer is "maybe?" (via)
 

Great weed. Bad idea.(via)
 

You would, dick head.(via)
 

"Who's been slut-shaming my soda?"(via)
 

How many ways are there to use a plunger, Kevin? (via)
 

I've always wondered how to play craps.(via)
 

I bet this guy is high maintenance.(via)
 

If a sock means "sex," I don't want to know what this is for.(via)
 

I've had roommates that would see this and think "pan roasted dove!"(via)
 

This message is probably more for the guys.(via)
 

Smart Water for a smart ass.(via)
 

How a true butthole pays his rent. (via)
 

Given a choice, I'd rather eat pizza that the cats nibbled on. (via)
 

Things can't be that bad if you're still getting wi-fi. (via)
 

If these get eaten it's time for a new roommate. (via)
 

Not bad, but it may get confusing when you try to store poops. (via)
 

It that's where they keep the milk, tossing it might not be a bad idea. (via)
 

Not cool. But at least you get to eat the Pixie Sticks. (via)
 

Ouch. You just got out passive-aggressioned.
 

Um...are there drugs in it?
 

In this case, honesty is the weirdest policy.
 

Pretty nice of them to capture it, actually.
 

They don't. Someecards probably does, though.
 

No smiley face, Cindy?
 

Also, boyfriends are like dirty clothes; don't leave yours on the floor.
 

"I feel more comfortable complaining about the notes by note."
 

I'm impressed it responds to anything at all.
 

Great method for dealing with lazy ant roommates.
 

Then I have to get my shit together enough to actually clean it. Two-three weeks?
 

Pretty cheap for either.
 

You don't need to have roommates for this to be a terrific idea.
 

The most considerate possible reaction to finding your roommate peed all over the floor.
 

Seems like a much, much grosser solution than just flushing.
 

The spider was in the midst of writing his own tiny note:
"Got stuck in god damn cereal today...fuck."
 

Because pooping just isn't exciting enough.
 

Chris may be going to the gay club, but he likes boobs, you understand?
 

Not sure that post-script was necessary.
 

Hunter, live up to your name!
 

Better than: "Give a call or you might see a ball."
 

He died as he lived: with power tools.
 

But evidently not magnetic poetry.
 

Yeah right, like anyone's gonna steal a Lean Pocket over a French bread pizza.
 

With the cost of avocados today, that's only about a quarter for your trouble.
 

Please clean up your insects after yourself.
 

Ooh, burned by a white board meme.
 

Also I prefer to be called Reginald, thanks.
 

Now that's just common disgusting courtesy.
 

It's worth it! It's stifling in here!
 

We wouldn't want to be part of such a hairy roommate arrangement.
 

Why write 3 separate notes when all your issues can be encompassed in one?
 

Beware. The spiders have their own tally.
 

Monday night is trashnacht.
 

Clint starts fires!
 

As far as we're concerned, as long as his penis only touched the outside, it's still good.
 

Wait. We have a cat?
 

And bread and to come to terms with our parents' divorce.
 

We'd honestly prefer this type of sign to be set up on all tp-less toilets.
 

4. Have craziest night ever!
 

It's the number for his Murderers Anonymous group.
 

No matter how bad they are, we still want one.
 

Unfortunately, that stuff looks like what's been on CNN every day.
 

"FapNapping" needs no translation.
 

So, I'll just leave the knives there...and this note you can't read in the dark.
 

We'd rather be hunted by teens than chase a spider.
 

Sorry. Cat available for petting trumps human in need of sleeping.
 

We stopped trusting you when you left us something to flush.
 

This could work out really well for the boyfriend.
 

Aim for the head.
 

How does the artist know the shitter is jubilant?
 

Like that Al Pacino movie "Insomnia," except with smellier fingers.
 

She has loud sex that she has to apologize for AND access to cinnamon rolls? Want her life.
 

Doing dishes sucks. We'll take the cocks.
 

Just do it, no matter what "it" may be.
 

Also enrolled you in a scientology course, hope that's cool!
 

No one is more concerned about Susie collecting cat piss than the cat.
 

Not going to try and prove you wrong.
 

Joe already gives his teeth Flintstone chewables. He shouldn't be doubling up.
 

Many roommates have lost themselves in the endless piss-seat loop.
 

Ben Kingsley was excellent in this kitchen.
 

This is considerate, and it doesn't judge those who do want such things.
 

Who can keep from passing out long enough for a hot pocket to cook?
 

The roommate is staring at that last sip, checking his watch, waiting...waiting...
 

How can we add "or when you're awake" to the deal?
 

8:40, or, if you're into it, 8:45. Whatever works for you. I'm not a "rules" guy. Oops, vomiting.
 

Lease plainly states, "Write your 30 days notice on some cardboard before moving out."
 

Jeff is bad at bribes.
 

11) No asking why I am this way. Just know that I have been hurt before and it won't happen again.
 

Raisin Bran tastes so much better carbonated.
 

High people tell the worst stories.
 

No wonder Michael's catch-phrase is "I prefer to stand."
 

Seems legit.
 

Thank God "Peanut butter 4 my balls" wasn't included in "Sandwich Stuff."
 

I think you're confusing your your Sammy LJ roles but the point still stands.
 

Average male-female rooming ratio: 80% of the fridge belongs to female, 80% consumed by male.
 

Does her/his roommate only have one fork? That might be the larger problem.
 

That means you, Alex. I'm saving this spider for when I get up in the morning!!!
 

Let's just hope that there is an emergency and this person's life is improved by cleansing fire.
 

Thank you, Jay. Jaq? Jag? The point is, what a polite note of depravity.
 

Prophet Eric earlier prophesied a wrathful plague of deleted DVR episodes, and verily 'twas true.
 

And it was then Chris realized the Boyz would never advance 2 Men.
 

Everyone spent the next few days walking very gingerly around the apartment.
 

And you thought younger generations don't send thank you notes anymore.
 

And from then on, Sajid would never wear underwear ever again.
 

T.J really likes to sleep if the main issue with someone peeing on the floor is the noise it makes.
 

Thanks Brendon. Enjoy...um..."Fagtown?"
 

Use the wings you've been given to fly far away by the end of the month.
 

Nothing tears apart an apartment share like a baked good suicide.
 

If you have time to learn to read and write in English, you have time to clean your own puke.
 

Cockjuggling used to be big before Puppetry Of The Penis swept the nation.
 

He seems like a good listener.
 

Trickle down government is trickling really far.
 

In our day a sock on the door handle meant "I Hope You Die" but we were classier then.
 

Guess "All Of The Above" is fair game then?
 

Sad thing is the cashier at CPK wrote that.
 

< CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE >
 

Because in our own way, aren't we all playing peek-a-boo... WITH LIFE? Yeah, that's pretty profound. I'll let you sit with that for a minute.

This video, posted by The Columbus Dispatch, shows a gorilla and a toddler playing peek-a-boo at the Columbus Zoo. It also illustrates the elements of a good weekend:

• Running around with a sense of carefree whimsy.
• New friends.
• Having a grandfatherly gentleman watch over you (a weekend MUST).
• Being plum tuckered out by Sunday evening, like the gorilla is at the end of the video.

It has all of the drama of 'Titanic,' but with more raccoons.

These two raccoon brothers, Waylon and Willie, like hanging out by the pool. But while Willie likes going in for a dip, Waylon appears to be terrified for his brother's safety. I haven't seen a dramatic performance this good ever since whatever Daniel Day Lewis was in last. Of course, a brilliant performer deserves a brilliant script, so I just happen to have one for you right here:

Willie: I have to go, Waylon. When they find out that I was the one who stole the cat food, they'll have my tail on a cap faster than you can say "Stop, thief!"

Waylon: It doesn't have to be this way. If you tell them that you stole the cat food to feed mom —

Willie: They'll never listen to me, Waylon, and you know it. We're raccoons. The only thing people think we do is steal cat food.

Waylon: But we're so much more than that. Sometimes we also steal dog food. 

Willie: Remember me as I was: a raccoon.

Willie swims off into the sunset. Moments later, Willie returns.

Willie: I changed my mind. Let's go eat some cat food.

Humans have never loved each other this much.

Anyone who says cats are aloof and mean clearly hasn't seen a cat slowly stroke its pig friend while they nap together. All this to the soundtrack of gentle purring by the cat and a few sleepy snorts by the pig. The one cat I've owned used to knock my keys off the nightstand to wake me up in the morning. And no human has ever gently stroked my face like that while I sleep. In fact, most are getting ready to choke me for stealing the covers all night.

I bet these two are the kind of best friends that constantly finish each others' sentences.

If only it had the resilience of Kramerica Industries.

A charity lemonade stand run by Seinfeld's son Julian was shut down after neighbors complained about all the illegally parked cars stopping for lemonade. Believe it or not, incredibly wealthy people in the Hamptons can't be bothered by a few extra cars on the road. And the socially elite certainly cannot tolerate a kid's lemonade stand. Incidentally, this lemonade stand donates its profits to a charity that clothes needy families. So at this point, a fair guess about who owns a Hamptons home next to the Seinfelds would be Mr. Burns or Voldemort.

Surprise!

Tila Tequila has been kicked off Celebrity Big Brother for some old blog posts in which she defended Hitler and dressed up like a Nazi. It's interesting that reality stars and celebrities somehow never learn that saying or doing horrifically racist things is going to create a public relations nightmare.

“Back in 2013 I made a statement about Hitler not being a bad person, and immediately realised soon after that I had made a terrible mistake that would ultimately come back to haunt me.”

You'd think someone would have at least a moment of realization before they defend Hitler that it's going to come back to haunt them. And while she acknowledged that this was during a period of severe substance abuse and depression, she also managed to create a nicely designed image of herself dressed as a Nazi in front of Auschwitz. Typically, people suffering from severe depression can barely open their laptop, let alone hop into Photoshop to design an image of themselves wearing an SS uniform.

She's asked for forgiveness, but most people don't get a second chance when they praise the Third Reich. 

This hashtag is definitely going to stick.

Since cat owners spend a great deal of their Saturdays capturing epic pictures of their feline beasts, they've decided to create an Instagram hashtag for it: Caturday.  

This kitten loves dope shoes.

Can't be bothered.

You're gonna hear me roar.

Spinning beats.

Cats always hate water.

This South African lion was being very cautious while attempting to cross a waterfall, and he still slipped and totally wiped out. Luckily, he was able to get to the other side after briefly being swept away. Just like us, he pretends like nothing happened, like he meant to take a quick swim. This regal beast can't let anyone think he's clumsy.

They arrived to the ceremony on unicorn jet skis.

Newlyweds Michael Buchanan and Jason Gilbert perfectly combined their badassery and whimsy into an unparalleled wedding entrance. Their ceremony was held along the shore of Lake Allegan in Michigan, and they decided to arrive via jet skis modified to look like unicorns. It was such an impressive spectacle it was featured on Logo.

Everyone who is married is now probably trying to figure out how to go back in time to re-make their wedding entrance, since apparently being mystical as f*ck is an option now. I want to get married as soon as possible in order just to have an excuse to ride a unicorn jet ski. Here's the video of the righteous water arrival, accompanied by the cheering delight of their wedding guests:

Check out more photos from their wedding here!

This photo almost didn't come together, but the Royal Canadian Mounted Police wouldn't rest until love had been captured...on film.

This is the Royal Canadian Mounted Police service's Musical Ride, Canadian law enforcement's most elite group of prancing pony-men who do parades and stuff. They also help Mounties get the perfect wedding photo. They perform about fifty times a year between May and October, which is part of why this picture became such a high-pressure situation. One of those performances this year was scheduled in the small town of Mount Pearl, home to Mountie officer Steve Howlett, on the day he and his bride Naomi were due to wed. Naturally, they invited the Musical Ride over for a picture.

It was a tight fit, though, both temporally and physically. The Musical Ride was running late, and their show was about to start. "We had just five minutes," said Megan Smith, the wedding photographer responsible for this feat, “I didn’t have time to fool around with lighting. Believe it or not, we’re actually wedged between two buildings; the space was really tight. It was actually where they were prepping for the show."

She did say that the horses were extremely "accommodating" and better subjects than most of the humans she shoots. This viral photo has also been great for business, with offers ringing off the hook at Smith's photography studio she owns with her husband.