There's a new TV show in town over at HBO, the swaggering, sexy Westworld. It's an exciting mash-up of futuristic sci fi and classic western, starring Evan Rachel Wood and Anthony Hopkins. That would be enough for most TV shows, but this isn't TV: it's HBO. Which means SEX SEX SEX.

The series is in serious trouble for sending out a very naughty casting call that violates SAG-AFTRA rules about who can touch union members' genitals when. Let's just say our interest in this new show was very aroused by reading it:

“This document serves to inform you that this project will require you to be fully nude and/or witness others fully nude and participate in graphic sexual situations. By accepting this Project assignment, you may be required to do any of the following: appear fully nude; wear a pubic hair patch; perform genital-to-genital touching; have your genitals painted; simulate oral sex with hand-to-genital touching; contort to form a table-like shape while being fully nude; pose on all fours while others who are fully nude ride on your back; ride on someone’s back while you are both fully nude; and other assorted acts the Project may require. The Project will also include language and sexual situations that some may consider personally objectionable or uncomfortable.”

Basically, if you were one of the 50 extras paid $600 to wear a pubic hair patch in front of Anthony Hopkins, yes, you CAN change your mind about performing genital-to-genital touching at any time. HBO is scrambling to cover their rear (which they couldn't do if they were extras on the set of Westworld), and saying that Central Casting is actually responsible for the notice.

SAG-AFTRA is like, cool, but why did it take so long to get those actors clothed? In a statement, they said:

“SAG-AFTRA sent the consent form to HBO [Tuesday] afternoon and requested that the document be changed to more accurately reflect the contractual provisions,” a union spokesperson said. “HBO had every opportunity to rectify this situation, and it was only after their direct refusal to remedy this that we posted the notice on our website. The union is very pleased to hear that HBO is doing the right thing now, but it is disappointing that we had to take such public measures to ensure compliance with our contracts and protect our background actors.”

HBO got spanked harder than a background robot cowboy! That's show business: union rules.

Cool Pope has heard your qualms, and is trying to maintain his coolness, most likely to help sales of his upcoming album. After news broke that he met with Kentucky clerk Kim Davis during his trip to the United States, people were bummed because for awhile there, we forgot that the Pope's job is often to be against gay marriage and abortion. But the PR team at the Vatican clarified the nature of the meeting:

Here's the official statement from the Vatican: 

"The brief meeting between Mrs. Kim Davis and Pope Francis at the Apostolic Nunciature in Washington, DC has continued to provoke comments and discussion. In order to contribute to an objective understanding of what transpired I am able to clarify the following points:

Pope Francis met with several dozen persons who had been invited by the Nunciature to greet him as he prepared to leave Washington for New York City. Such brief greetings occur on all papal visits and are due to the Pope's characteristic kindness and availability. The only real audience granted by the Pope at the Nunciature was with one of his former students and his family.

The Pope did not enter into the details of the situation of Mrs. Davis and his meeting with her should not be considered a form of support of her position in all of its particular and complex aspects."

The Big P-F might still be cool on this stuff, y'all! But he's surrounded by people who aren't down with gay marriage, and as an English language assistant at the Holy See Press office said, "Pope Francis may not have understood 'the impact' a visit with Davis might have in the U.S." 

Farrah Abraham's daughter makes more money losing one tooth than you do for working 40 hours a week. Farrah Abraham became slightly rich and famous for being 16 and pregnant, then allowing MTV to make a series about what that was like. She became even more rich and famous for being not pregnant and trying her damnedest to get pregnant on camera for about an hour with porn star James Deen. 

What to do with all that money besides pay back the child who started it all? Rather than add some sum of money to a college fund for her daughter, Farrah decided to just drop lavish gifts and about $1,400 on her child just for losing a tooth! Most kids get a quarter or a dollar per tooth, which they spend on candy so they can lose more teeth faster. What kind of dangerous, candy-related schemes might a 6-year-old with $1,400 try? A chocolate fountain she can just lay under? Or maybe she'll walk into her first grade class and make it rain (with Skittles).

This isn't the first time Farrah's daughter received a large chunk of money for a single tooth. Sophia is going to be the only child who's unembarrassed by her toothless smile photos later in life, since you can't really feel bad about yourself when you're holding enough cash to pay an adult's rent in full. God bless the child that's got her own, or who can trick her tooth fairy into giving her way too much money.

This little girl, Mila, experienced her (presumably) first heartbreak when her mother told her that Adam Levine is married. But the parenting books always say that you should point a camera at your child's face before announcing the worst news of their life, so the mom was only doing what was in her child's best interest.

Anyone who's had a powerful celebrity crush can relate to Mila's disappointment, as can anyone who at one point was a child and felt sad when things didn't turn out as expected. But let's be real: there are a lot of better celebrity crush options that Mila can turn to. Yes, Adam Levine is attractive and has an intriguing haircut, but so does the Hot Debate Guy. It's not enough of a foundation for a celebrity crush.

Additionally, Levine's recent songs are kind of squeaky and his withholding manner as a judge on The Voice does not make him seem like he would be a communicative celebrity. Let Behati Prinsloo have him.

Might Mila consider a warmer, more accessible celebrity crush? Perhaps someone with a strong sense of humor who is good with animals and musically inclined?

Adrian and Brooke Franklin were married on September 19 at the South Gastonia Church of God in South Gastonia, North Carolina. But it wasn't their first time in the church together. 17 years ago, they walked down the same aisle in another wedding. Adrian was the ring bearer, and Brooke was the flower girl. Now that's some cute s**t.

Adrian and Brooke originally met in church when they were both grade school students. At 5 years old, they participated in the wedding of their parents' friends, although Adrian wasn't happy about it. He told WBTV,

I was devastated. I was like "tell me I don’t have to walk down the aisle with her!”

Which is a pretty rude thing to say about your future wife. Years later, when they were in high school, the two reconnected through—you guessed it—church. It's a classic small town story. Although Adrian had always been annoyed by Brooke as a kid, he found that puberty had altered his perspective, and he soon asked her to be his girlfriend.

When Adrian eventually proposed, Brooke said yes immediately. And in a mind-bending twist, the couple closed the loop by tying the knot in the very same church where they had dressed up like a tiny bride and groom 17 years before. They even had some of the same guests in attendance, but again, that might be just because the town is so small.

Photos of the Franklins' wedding have gone viral, to the surprise of the happy couple and their families. But not all of the attention is positive; some are saying that at 22 and 21, they're too young to be taking the plunge. But that doesn't worry them. As Adrian said,

“That’s all right. We accept that. But at the same time we know it’s God ordained and for God to bring our steps together this far, we know our steps have been ordered by the Lord.”

It seems that the Lord works in mysterious way. But sometimes, He tips you off about it decades in advance. He's a trickster like that.

Harry Potter fans who can't distinguish between fiction and reality have been going on the Warner Brothers Studio tour and trying to do what's already been fake done: free Dobby.

This is a very sweet gesture that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. First of all, Dobby was already freed, by your hero, Harry Potter. Remember? Secondly, if that statuette did suddenly come to life and walk out of its case at WB with a pile of socks, there'd be no exhibit. Also, maybe give Dobby something else. It doesn't have to be socks. He's only got two feet. How about a jacket? Lots of light layers is the look for fall.

Fans of J.K. Rowling already know that she blurs the lines of reality by constantly tweeting new facts and reveals about the series. While it makes sense that the creator of an elaborate fantasy world might have less distinction in her own mind between what's real and what's an imaginary school for wizards, her fans are also finding it difficult to come back to the boring muggle world.

Perhaps we should all just review this scene of a creepy CGI mini Jar-Jar getting that OG sock and reflect on how much darker and better the movies got as Daniel Radcliffe aged:

Wedding favors caused TSA agents to evacuate Denver International Airport a couple of weeks ago, because they look exactly like something you should not have in your carry-on bag. The favors, which had glass, wax, and fuses, naturally sparked alarm with the TSA because they look like homemade bombs (made by cartoon madmen). They even had "TNT" printed on them, because both the bride and groom have a first name that begins with the letter "T." 

The bottles contained bath salts, so they shouldn't even have made it to the airport. Clearly the bath salts were meant to be smoked for a wild reception. While this couple's wedding favors were a disaster, it's not as bad as this couple's use of their initials for their engagement photo.

After years of trying to have a baby, Arkell Graves lost it when his wife, Dana, told him that she was five months pregnant. The couple started trying to have a baby when they got married 17 years ago. After Dana had four miscarriages and gave birth to a stillborn premature baby, they gave up.

Dana recently started walking to lose weight. She thought it was strange that no matter how much she walked, her weight stayed the same. She then realized that she was actually five months pregnant. She announced it to her husband about it by putting buns in the oven (get it?) next to pictures of her ultrasound.

She filmed her husband's emotional reaction to opening the oven and learning the news and posted it to YouTube: 

He was feeling so much, he had to go mole:

Dana told BuzzFeed News she never expected the video to go viral, but the Internet loves a happy ending. 

Jordan Klepper joked on Trevor Noah's first Daily Show about the new host bringing a "global perspective" but it wasn't clear what that would actually mean until last night, when Noah did a brilliant bit comparing Trump to corrupt African leaders.

Using the signature Daily Show Clip Comparison Method, Noah explained how Trump has the ego, xenophobia, and luscious lifestyle of Muammar Gaddafi or Idi Amin. Watch and learn:

Whenever there is a shooting, which in America seems to be about every few weeks, there is a lot of debate about how they should be covered in the news. Some people believe the shooter's identity should be revealed, then combed over, every bit of their life put on display for avid public consumption. Others say, that's what the shooter wants, so f*ck that, let's focus on the victims. In this clip from CNN's coverage of Umpqua Community College we get to see both perspectives smack against each other:

Moments after an emotional Oregon officer explains why he doesn't want to share the shooter's name, the reporter does just that, then reads a quote from him:

"[It] seems the more people you kill, the more you're in the limelight." 

Perhaps if disturbed people who want to be immortalized didn't think they'd be immortalized by shooting up a school, they'd do it less. Even the President isn't talking about the shooter, and this speech is much longer than 30 seconds:

High school can be a tumultuous time, even more so when you're a fictional character with problems shocking enough to sustain a 22-episode season. While some TV teens have a Mr. Feeny in their lives to gently but sternly guide them through crucial life lessons, others have teachers who are vampires. Here are the absolute worst TV high schools to attend.

1. Sunnydale High School, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

One drawback of attending Sunnydale is that it's literally on top of an apocalyptic Hellmouth. The students in Buffy the Vampire Slayer had to deal with an unfair amount of supernatural inconveniences before finishing twelfth grade. There was the time that Buffy's crush murdered her English teacher who was secretly part of a gypsy tribe that cursed him. There was the principal who got eaten by students after they were possessed by demon hyenas. And there was that time that graduation got crashed by a gigantic snake monster. That's a lot of pressure on young people.

2. Neptune High, Veronica Mars

The high school in Veronica Mars is not a good fit for students whose learning style doesn't involve being murdered. Veronica is obviously extremely mature for her age and can handle all the mysteries that come her way, but what the hell is up with Neptune High? Veronica's best friend gets mysteriously killed, a bus full of students drives off a cliff, and Adam Scott was a super creepy teacher in that one episode. No thanks.

3. Rosewood High School, Pretty Little Liars

The worst part about going to school with the characters in Pretty Little Liars would be the fashion standards. Those girls look so perfectly put together every goddamn day. It's enough to make any insecure teenager immediately hate every dumb Urban Outfitters harem pant in their closet. Also you'd most likely get sent to a mental institution at some point, and your senior year would take a really, really, really long time. Like, three years.

4. Chambers Academy, Parenthood

Chambers Academy is the charter school founded by Parenthood characters Kristina and Adam Braverman, two loving but goofily annoying parents who could truly have no less qualifications to run a school. And not just in a silly, oops-where-do-we-get-the-composition-notebooks type of way. Their disregard for students—especially poor Dylan, who was repeatedly made uncomfortable by their son Max—was disturbing. Please don't send your fictional kids here.

5. Roswell High, Roswell

It's not the alien students that are the danger at the high school in Roswell. It's the human students who always seem on the verge of selling out the alien teens to the government. Beginning in the pilot, when Liz tests Max's cells during her science class, this school is not a safe space for ET aliens just trying to casually write papers about The Great Gatsby. Maybe TV parents should be paying a little closer attention to the plot twists happening in their own families.

A new Salon video piece covers Same Ole Line Dudes, a new company that's cashing in on our increasingly line-based culture. Started by Robert Samuel, the "line sitters" at Same Ole Line Dudes charge customers to take their place in a line. But we're not talking about bathroom lines here (although that would be great). The sitters typically work in lines for tickets to concerts and shows (including Saturday Night Live standby tickets), retail sales, popular brunch spots, and of course, the Apple Store. Salon caught up with Samuel and his employees (including the awesomely-named Adonis Porch) as they waited in line to buy the iPhone 6s for people with way too much disposable income.

This business makes sense in a perverse sort of way, but it's still remarkable how much money these guys bring in. They charge $25 for the first hour, and $10 for each additional half hour. It doesn't seem like that much, until you realize that they're often working 48-hour shifts. And considering that they have to do it in all weather conditions, it doesn't seem like an unreasonable fee.

You have to wonder about who hires these guys. It seems like there are people who are willing to shell out hundreds of dollars to be the first to get their hands on a cronut or a new pair of sneakers. At least, in New York City there are.

Models often look stoic and sad on the runway — when they're not tripping and falling — with expressions that make it seem like they feel walking is a chore. Well, fashion designer Rick Owens wanted to make sure that they got pleasure out of his Paris Fashion Week show, living up to his oral agreement.  

This fashion show was mutually beneficial to both the models and the audience. That's because the models were 69ing.

Students at Charleston County School of the Arts in Charleston, South Carolina, staged a particularly literary protest against a dress code they believe unfairly targets girls. The dress code states that “appropriate, decent and non-distracting attire must be worn” at all times, with no exposed midriffs, bra straps, or overly tight clothing. Basically, any item of clothing that makes it clear you're female is out.

Even some students who don't object to the specifics of the code feel that administrators enforce the standards on female students more than on males, to the point of being disrespectful. Junior Reese Fischer told The Post and Courier,

Especially in the summer, you see guys walking around in muscle tank tops with half their sides hanging out and their pants hanging down, and they don’t get called out for that. They don’t get called out for wearing a hat, but a girl will get called out for a short skirt in a second.

Sophomore Caroline Hamrick had a specific story to illustrate the point:

My midriff was covered and I was within dress code, but they really wanted me to have to change, so they asked me to raise my arms all the way up. And of course you could see my midriff once I raised my arms, but I was like, "Still, I’m not like this all the time." And she said, "Well, I can see your bra," and she couldn’t see my bra, so she leaned down and looked up my shirt and made me extremely uncomfortable and said, "There, I can see your bra."

Her father described the dress code as "fairly puritanical," and perhaps that's what gave the students the idea for their latest protest. Last Thursday, about 100 students, along with a few faculty members, came in to school with red letter "A"s on their clothing. The "A" is short for their slogan, "Not 'A' Distraction," as well as a reference to the 1850 Nathaniel Hawthorne novel The Scarlet Letter, in which a woman accused of adultery is branded with the letter to publicly shame her for her lack of morals.

It's a pretty stinging indictment of the school if you've read the book. If you haven't, trust us – it's stinging. School officials praised the students for their peaceful activism (it's one of those hippie schools) and met with them to discuss it, but they still haven't adjusted the dress codes. One of the organizers, junior Peyton Corder, said she believes the school is hoping the protest will die down, but she's determined not to let that happen. She still remembers when a guidance counselor brought her to tears by telling her that heavier girls need to wear longer skirts.

In the past few years, a lot of high schoolers have started rebelling against dress codes, many of which seem rooted in a mid-20th century sensibility. But it's not really about what they can and can't wear. It's the attitude toward girls' bodies, which are regularly seen as a distraction in a way that boys' bodies aren't. And teenage boys' bodies are actually much more distracting, because they smell. Maybe the dress code should say something about deodorant. Yes, that's our takeaway from this story.

When celebrities share selfies, sometimes they're vulnerably revealing their perspectives. Sometimes they're accidentally revealing their favorite restaurants. Here are the five best celeb selfies from the past week.

1. Lady Gaga references Mean Girls.

2. Mindy Kaling shares a near-perfect throwback.

3. Hugh Jackman doesn't need utensils for this pure chocolate steering wheel, thank you.

4. Lena Dunham exposes her boobs to help women.

5. Some now-Internet-famous sorority sisters at a baseball game caught America's attention while—get this!—minding their own business, and they probably looked amazing in the selfies they were taking.