Meet Chris Mintz, the army veteran/dad who took 7 bullets after charging at the Oregon shooter.

October 2, 2015, 11:45 am

≫ Next: A dude interrupted Keira Knightley’s Broadway debut by screaming his love for her.

≪ Previous: The 5 best celebrity selfies of the week: "You can't sit with us" edition.

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Chris Mintz, an army veteran and student at Umpqua Community College in Oregon, took seven bullets after charging at yesterday's shooter... and survived. He's originally from Randleman, North Carolina, and served nearly 10 years in the armed forces, during which time he was deployed to the Middle East. Upon leaving the army, he moved to Oregon and started going to school with the hopes of becoming a fitness trainer.

If you can't tell by his pictures, he's pretty swole from practicing mixed martial arts and cage-fighting. When his cousin heard about his heroic feat, he said it "sound[ed] like something [Chris] would do." According to NBC News, he was shot in the "back, abdomen and hands" and suffered "two broken legs." He had to undergo surgery upon arriving at the hospital, but he's expected to recover. His cousin also said that he'll have to "learn to walk" again.

Yesterday also just happened to be his six-year-old son's birthday. Chris was heard saying "It’s my son’s birthday, it’s my son’s birthday," as he lay bleeding.

Chris' cousin set up a GoFundMe to raise money for his hospital bills. It's already raised $66,000, even though the goal was just $10,000. Chris told ABC News this morning that he is "worried about everyone else" and "hope[s] that everyone else is OK."

According to a witness, Chris took charge of the situation during the shooting. Hannah Miles told ABC News,

He ran to the library and pulled the alarms and he was telling people to run, grabbing people, telling them, "You just have to go." He actually ran back towards the building where the shooting was and he ran back into the building and I don't know what happened to him.

His story is being presented as a counter-narrative to reports about the killer, in the hopes that focusing on people like Chris will help prevent mass shooters from getting the media attention they often crave.

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A dude interrupted Keira Knightley’s Broadway debut by screaming his love for her.

October 2, 2015, 11:50 am

≫ Next: Here’s one problem with how we’re approaching gun violence: we banned the CDC from studying it.

≪ Previous: Meet Chris Mintz, the army veteran/dad who took 7 bullets after charging at the Oregon shooter.

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Minutes into Keira Knightley's Broadway debut last night, an audience member started screaming a mixture of love professions and nonsense at her. Stalkers have no chill.

Knightley is playing the lead role in a new production of Thérèse Raquin. Another audience member told E! what went down: 

As soon as the play started, there was a guy who started yelling, "This was all looney tunes!'" I turned and noticed that there was a guy hanging off the mezzanine yelling stuff to the stage. "Keira, none of this is real! This is all an act! Christ was born of a virgin!" He kept yelling before ending with a perfunctory, "Will you marry me?" At this point a security guard walks over and taps him on the soldier, and [the man] starts yelling "Five seconds! You have five seconds! All it takes is five seconds!"

The man also chucked a bouquet of flowers from the balcony onto the stage before security removed him from the theater. Knightley, who is a professional thank you very much, stayed in character the whole time. Her co-star Gabriel Ebert kicked the flowers off the stage, which is exactly the plot of Bend It Like Beckham. 

After a brief break in the performance, the play started up again. Then it ended. Then Keira Knightley probably sprawled out on her dressing room couch and drank a glass of scotch.

The theater is adding extra security for the rest of the performances beginning tonight, so don't get any ideas, ya creeps.

Here’s one problem with how we’re approaching gun violence: we banned the CDC from studying it.

October 2, 2015, 12:10 pm

≫ Next: Elks stop traffic like a line of huge, extremely intimidating ducklings.

≪ Previous: A dude interrupted Keira Knightley’s Broadway debut by screaming his love for her.

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A lot of people have opinions about whether or not having a gun has any correlation to shooting a gun at other people. With the shooting at Umpqua Community College, those opinions are being typed about in a fever pitch on message boards across America. Who in our government might do some research to explore the problem of mass shootings? Perhaps...scientists? Or more specifically the CDC, or Centers for Disease Control and Prevention? They're the people charged with making sure we know that smoking causes cancer. But there's a problem! The CDC is literally banned from doing any scientific research on the relationship between gun ownership and gun violence. 

Earlier this summer, the House of Representatives Appropriations Committee voted to reject an amendment that would have lifted the ban. How did they justify this? By saying"guns are not a disease." Business Insider reported House Speaker John Boehner's thoughts:

“The CDC is there to look at diseases that need to be dealt with to protect public health,” House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) said at a press conference last week.

“I’m sorry, but a gun is not a disease. Guns don’t kill people — people do. And when people use weapons in a horrible way, we should condemn the actions of the individual and not blame the action on some weapon.”

The CDC does study diseases, but it also studies things like tobacco, cars and hurricanes. Those are two non-diseases that people use to kill themselves and each other all the time. (Hurricanes have not yet been harnessed as a potential murder weapon, but there are probably supervillains working on that this very moment.) One thing is clear: if Congress has to completely ban the study of gun ownership and gun violence, there's probably absolutely nothing of interest to know about them.

Elks stop traffic like a line of huge, extremely intimidating ducklings.

October 2, 2015, 12:10 pm

≫ Next: Enjoy the 10 best ecards of the week because you know you've mentally checked out of work already.

≪ Previous: Here’s one problem with how we’re approaching gun violence: we banned the CDC from studying it.

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Elks stopped traffic at an intersection in Colorado in a video proving that if this ever happens near you, it's best to film it from the safety of your car. The video shows traffic stopped in all directions so a herd of elks could pass through like so many adorable ducklings. The difference is that instead of a mother leading its babies in cute, storybook fashion, the elks seem to be herded by a bull (male elk) that seems hell bent on fighting a car. Elk are like caribou, but instead of being cool and just promoting a brand of their own coffee, they stop traffic in high altitude areas and intimidate drivers.

It's a Colorado traffic jam! #ColoradoLivingVideo by Autumn Phillips in Estes Park.

Posted by KOAA 5 on Thursday, October 1, 2015

Fortunately for residents of Colorado, this probably only happens every six seconds.

Enjoy the 10 best ecards of the week because you know you've mentally checked out of work already.

October 2, 2015, 12:28 pm

≫ Next: Mom receives package with her son's foam sword inside plus a nasty surprise.

≪ Previous: Elks stop traffic like a line of huge, extremely intimidating ducklings.

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Here are some cards to send to your friends who are also counting down the minutes until they can leave the office.

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Mom receives package with her son's foam sword inside plus a nasty surprise.

October 2, 2015, 12:40 pm

≫ Next: Forget your sh*tty week with this bunny eating Doritos.

≪ Previous: Enjoy the 10 best ecards of the week because you know you've mentally checked out of work already.

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A Virginia mom ordered a toy sword for her son from Toys "R" Us and received a few extra items in the package. She ordered a single foam sword for her son's seventh birthday, and thought the box seemed a little heavy when she lifted it. That extra weight turned out to be over 800 rounds of ammunition. And just to confirm, she did not order any ammo for her son's birthday.

It feels like this shipping distribution center may need some warnings on their packages, similar to food packaging that warns when the contents were processed in a facility where there might be allergens. Something along the lines of "this foam toy is shipped at a facility where bullets, pepper spray, and throwing stars might be present." And if she received someone else's order by mistake, we'd love to hear from the nut that ordered a foam sword and ammo. 

Forget your sh*tty week with this bunny eating Doritos.

October 2, 2015, 12:50 pm

≫ Next: A guy with an incredible beard got an accidental text and made a new friend.

≪ Previous: Mom receives package with her son's foam sword inside plus a nasty surprise.

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This was a particularly awful week for many of us, and I'm not saying it's one we're going to be able to straight-up forget. But, at the very least, we can take solace in this bunny drowning its sorrows in a bag of Doritos like so many of us want to do. What's that? Bunnies don't eat their feelings like humans? Take a look at this video and see if you still believe that. Because this rabbit gets it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIJHHRRUMzM

 

A guy with an incredible beard got an accidental text and made a new friend.

October 2, 2015, 12:55 pm

≫ Next: Making eye contact with another human being is tough. This video shows you why.

≪ Previous: Forget your sh*tty week with this bunny eating Doritos.

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Hurray, accidental text friends! It's so wonderful that technology has allowed us to have conversations with literally anyone in the entire world, even people we have no interest in and who can't seem to get it together to change or delete our number from their contact list. That's what happened to Imgur user EWW3, who posted this hilarious series of accidental text messages recently. It seems like someone was pretty sure a lady named Wendy should be responding to them. When that didn't happen, they kept trying and trying with incredible results:

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The texts span from February through August, and you get to see his magnificent beard growing throughout. It's the real star of the show, as the Imgur comments prove:

 

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Making eye contact with another human being is tough. This video shows you why.

October 2, 2015, 1:25 pm

≫ Next: Will Smith celebrates the 15th year of the Willennium with his first song in more than a decade.

≪ Previous: A guy with an incredible beard got an accidental text and made a new friend.

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Rhett & Link, a comedy duo, recently posted a sketch that is probably the most comprehensive treatment ever of the question of where to look on someone's face when you're talking to them. Is it the nose? Or one eye? Or the space between your eyes? Watch the video of find out! (It will probably leave you more confused.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQEA5S4yvCI&list=PLrEnWoR732-BHrPp_Pm8_VleD68f9s14-&index=4

 

Will Smith celebrates the 15th year of the Willennium with his first song in more than a decade.

October 2, 2015, 1:35 pm

≫ Next: Ever wonder what these gay slang terms mean? Here's your answer, ya fruit fly.

≪ Previous: Making eye contact with another human being is tough. This video shows you why.

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Will Smith just released "Fiesta (Remix)," his first music track in over a decade. The song features Will rapping in Spanglish over noises that one might describe as a "dubstep-meets-Shakira-style-pop-mix" or "bad." The track is not something you can dance to or listen to, really. It's more of a conversation starter. As in: "Did you hear that new Will Smith song? Let's share a good long laugh about it before talking about anything else." You can listen to the whole song here if you dare put all your good feelings toward Will Smith as an actor on the line:

https://youtu.be/K5c3cxNLwYQ

 

It will inevitably be used in a movie (if that movie is produced by Will Smith). It may also be used to teach Spanish to middle schoolers by a teacher in the Midwest who's completely out of touch. It's a shame. Chalk it up to one more atrocity Scientology has caused.

Ever wonder what these gay slang terms mean? Here's your answer, ya fruit fly.

October 2, 2015, 1:45 pm

≫ Next: Black women who were kicked off a Napa Valley wine train are suing for $11 million.

≪ Previous: Will Smith celebrates the 15th year of the Willennium with his first song in more than a decade.

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Do you often find yourself sitting around with your gay friends wondering what a "pillow princess" or a "gold star" or a "size queen" are? You could probably just ask them. They're your friends! But if you don't want to do that and don't want to be a clueless straight person, watch this video from Bustle. And remember: "unicorns" aren't real.

https://youtu.be/AgnZ_gOM_BY

 

Black women who were kicked off a Napa Valley wine train are suing for $11 million.

October 2, 2015, 1:55 pm

≫ Next: 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia' foretold the coming of the Peeple app.

≪ Previous: Ever wonder what these gay slang terms mean? Here's your answer, ya fruit fly.

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The Sistahs of the Reading Edge book club have filed an $11 million dollar racial discrimination lawsuit against the Napa Valley Wine Train after being asked to leave the tour in August for being too loud. The incident made headlines, particularly because the police were called to escort the women from the train. The club said their reputations were tarnished and that two of them were fired from their jobs after the incident. They filed the lawsuit despite an apology from the company's CEO and a pledge for enhanced sensitivity training for train employees.

Club members felt those efforts came only in an effort to thwart negative publicity. The Napa Valley Wine Train published a post on Facebook shortly after the original incident, which they then quickly removed:

Following verbal and physical abuse toward other guests and staff, it was necessary to get our police involved. Many groups come on board and celebrate. When those celebrations impact our guests, we do intervene. 

Now the wine tour company can hop aboard the lawsuit train, because the sistahs have retained San Francisco lawyer Waukeen McCoy for their discrimination case. It is a well-established legal precedent that book clubs get drunk and laugh together. Very little reading is ever involved. If they win their case, they'll be able to afford a great bottle of wine wherever their travels may take them.

'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia' foretold the coming of the Peeple app.

October 2, 2015, 2:05 pm

≫ Next: A study says you'll be unhappy between 30-65, so have fun with that.

≪ Previous: Black women who were kicked off a Napa Valley wine train are suing for $11 million.

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There's an episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia that basically predicted the invention of Peeple, the new people-rating app that lets you score your friends and family from one to five. People (as in humans) have had a pretty skeptical reaction to Peeple (as in the app), noting that it could easily facilitate harassment, manipulation, and not feeling yourself. For a glimpse at what that frantic world might look like, we can now view this YouTube compilation of scenes from an It's Always Sunny episode when Dennis loses his mind over how women are rating him (out of five!) on a dating app called Buncher. His anxiety builds and builds until he runs around screaming at women that he's going to rate them all zero. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=117&v=2qGlvau68AM

Hopefully nothing else in It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia will come true or we are in for some dark times. 

A study says you'll be unhappy between 30-65, so have fun with that.

October 2, 2015, 2:15 pm

≫ Next: Someone created a Deep Dream makeup tutorial, and it's as horrifying as you'd imagine.

≪ Previous: 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia' foretold the coming of the Peeple app.

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According to new research from Dr. Ioana Ramia of the University of New South Wales in Australia, if you are between the ages of 30 and 65, you are absolutely not living your best life. This info is based on surveys from the office of Household, Income and Labor Dynamics. Even though we have always guessed this to be true, actually having it confirmed is kind of a bummer. What about all that stuff about women hitting their sexual peak at 40? Was that just a carrot to keep us going through our twenties?

Medical Xpress reports:

"Satisfaction over life decreases from the early 20s, plateaus for about 40 years and then increases from about 65 up," Dr Ramia told the Australian Social Policy Conference, hosted by UNSW's Social Policy Research Centre.

Happiness followed a predictable trajectory, she said, with couples reporting greatest satisfaction just before having their first child and a dip from their first year of life through to about age 6, when the child started school.

"It then stays still low, but increases slightly, and is the highest around the age of 80," she said. "So that's something to look forward to."

Hurray! We'll be happy when we're 80. Meanwhile, just grit your teeth and hang in there for almost 4 decades of being bummed out.

Someone created a Deep Dream makeup tutorial, and it's as horrifying as you'd imagine.

October 2, 2015, 2:25 pm

≫ Next: This engaged couple got real intense about their lives and sexualities on camera. Also God.

≪ Previous: A study says you'll be unhappy between 30-65, so have fun with that.

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Jennifer Culp is a writer, makeup artist, and now, a forger of human nightmares. That's because she created a Halloween makeup tutorial on how to make yourself look like you've been passed through Google's Deep Dream generator. If you're not aware, Deep Dream is a horrifying bit of technology that takes pleasant photos and makes them look like they're on bad acid (or good acid?) by replacing shapes in the photo with creatures that look like them (so, for example, the edge of a cloud that looks like a dog's face actually becomes a dog's face).

Here's a picture of the completed costume run through the Deep Dream generator for an extra level of "f*ck no":

While this is extra-scary, the makeup is unnerving even before being put through the generator. You can see the entire tutorial on Millihelen, or if you want another bit of trippy Halloween makeup, try this double-vision makeup tutorial.

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This engaged couple got real intense about their lives and sexualities on camera. Also God.

October 2, 2015, 2:35 pm

≫ Next: A sexy costume website made a Halloween music video, and it's the least sexy thing about Halloween.

≪ Previous: Someone created a Deep Dream makeup tutorial, and it's as horrifying as you'd imagine.

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Lynette and Corey, an engaged couple, sat down and opened up about some hidden feelings they've had towards each other and their impending marriage. They talk about their anxieties, fears, and jealousy, a lot of which revolves around their identities as Christians and Lynette's identity as a bisexual. It was produced by The Skin Deep, who also did this video of a couple with a 40-year age difference. It's some pretty heavy stuff that will make you terrified of marriage—that is, if you aren't already.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=1&v=sTDkZ9zRLos

 

A sexy costume website made a Halloween music video, and it's the least sexy thing about Halloween.

October 2, 2015, 4:40 pm

≫ Next: Finally there’s an Instagram account that matches up cats with craft beers.

≪ Previous: This engaged couple got real intense about their lives and sexualities on camera. Also God.

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Just when you thought making fun of sexy Halloween costumes had been sucked dry by some cleavage-highlighting vampire, enter "The Halloween Song (Who You Gonna Be?)" Willed into terrible being by sexy-costume purveyor Yandy, this music video highlights many of Yandy's form-fitting costumes, including Sexy Pizza, Sexy Donald Trump, and Sexy Cecil the Lion (yes, seriously).

With the super-up-to-date chorus of "Holla holla holla halloween" and lots of women crawling around on the floor in costumes that are likely fire hazards,* who could hate this video? The answer is me: I can! And maybe you can too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzJbfD1zVOI

* Because they're so hot! HAHA.

Finally there’s an Instagram account that matches up cats with craft beers.

October 2, 2015, 5:30 pm

≫ Next: Weekend

≪ Previous: A sexy costume website made a Halloween music video, and it's the least sexy thing about Halloween.

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Apparently, someone has been sneaking into my dreams (THANKS LEO DICAPRIO), because they created an Instagram of two of my favorite things paired together: adorable delicious beers and delicious adorable cats. It's called Cats on Tap, which is a funny name, because think about what would happen if you actually tried to pour a cat from a beer tap! Actually, don't think about that; the physical realties of that are horrifying. Instead, look at these pictures:

https://instagram.com/p/7vrYoDnrL6/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/7qL0H3HrGT/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/7oFl1cHrF7/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/7eI9OuHrF6/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/7aSsKUHrA2/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/7VJGdOHrKe/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/7O6lsXHrPa/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/7IaUIKHrDU/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/7F2z7fnrA3/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/6oJYWxnrG3/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/6SIQrXHrC7/?taken-by=catsontaphttps://instagram.com/p/6AGCatnrNY/?taken-by=catsontap

 

Weekend

October 3, 2015, 5:00 am

≫ Next: A woman said yes to all street harrassers for two weeks to call their bluff.

≪ Previous: Finally there’s an Instagram account that matches up cats with craft beers.

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A woman said yes to all street harrassers for two weeks to call their bluff.

October 3, 2015, 7:25 am

≫ Next: Man fired for farting too much at work.

≪ Previous: Weekend

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A woman in Paris said yes to every single man that spoke to her as an experiment for two weeks. She did it in part to delve into the psyche of men that feel they can talk to anyone they want, and to see if they understand how annoying or scary it can be to those on the receiving end:

You see, I had decided to conduct an experiment wherein I would say "yes" to and engage in conversation every stranger who hit on me for two weeks. I wanted to get into their heads, find out who these men are, if their tricks worked and, perhaps most importantly, if they are aware that the majority of women find what they are doing incredibly fucking annoying and more than a little bit creepy.

Some men were in fact genuinely trying to meet new women, yet still managed to make it awkward by rejecting her for things like her age:

What? You're 29? I don't believe you. 

Believe it fellah. Despite numerous attempts to combat aging, everyone progresses through their twenties. One guy was freaked out about her career as a journalist. He was downright paranoid about it:

Oh really? You're a journalist? So you're a Freemason? Stop lying. You're a Freemason. Or your dad is? 

A fellow jogger made conversation because they were both into fitness, and then of course became a complete creep within 30 seconds:

I certainly hope you're wearing enough support? Because it seems like there's a lot to support there, if you know what I mean! If I were brave enough, I'd ask if I could touch them. F##k it. I am brave enough! Can I? I have money if you want!

No jackass, you cannot ask a strange woman if you can feel her breasts or assume she'd like to be paid for such harassment. After all these goons, one non-threatening guy managed to emerge from the pack. He understood that approaching strange women will almost always backfire:

I'm sure it can be annoying for girls to be approached like this. Some guys are really disrespectful. But I think I understand things better. You see, my ex would always complain about 'annoying guys' approaching her, but she would also complain when she didn't get approached, because it made her feel ugly. Seriously

This was a brave experiment. And while one guy managed to be sincere, it seems as if he were the statistical anomaly. Perhaps the author can return to the time-tested method of meeting people where we all find genuine souls: online dating.