Sorry you thought earmuffs were acceptable in our circle.

January 7, 2014, 11:30 am

≫ Next: You're like family to me in that I find myself drinking even more than usual when you're around.

≪ Previous: I hope you enjoyed your vacation at the hotel near the airport.

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You're like family to me in that I find myself drinking even more than usual when you're around.

January 7, 2014, 1:34 pm

≫ Next: Feel free to not give me a layer-by-layer description of every item of winter clothing you're wearing.

≪ Previous: Sorry you thought earmuffs were acceptable in our circle.

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Feel free to not give me a layer-by-layer description of every item of winter clothing you're wearing.

January 7, 2014, 2:01 pm

≫ Next: I'd pause my porn for you.

≪ Previous: You're like family to me in that I find myself drinking even more than usual when you're around.

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I'd pause my porn for you.

January 7, 2014, 5:03 pm

≫ Next: You're eating with the confidence of a much thinner woman.

≪ Previous: Feel free to not give me a layer-by-layer description of every item of winter clothing you're wearing.

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You're eating with the confidence of a much thinner woman.

January 8, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: I can't return to the gym until I lose some weight.

≪ Previous: I'd pause my porn for you.

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I can't return to the gym until I lose some weight.

January 8, 2014, 8:01 am

≫ Next: Here's to shivering under blankets on the sofa burning as many calories as going to the gym.

≪ Previous: You're eating with the confidence of a much thinner woman.

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Here's to shivering under blankets on the sofa burning as many calories as going to the gym.

January 8, 2014, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Happy birthday to someone I hope realizes they're too old to go snowboarding.

≪ Previous: I can't return to the gym until I lose some weight.

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Happy birthday to someone I hope realizes they're too old to go snowboarding.

January 8, 2014, 9:13 am

≫ Next: For your January birthday I promise to regift a Christmas present I didn't totally hate.

≪ Previous: Here's to shivering under blankets on the sofa burning as many calories as going to the gym.

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For your January birthday I promise to regift a Christmas present I didn't totally hate.

January 8, 2014, 10:05 am

≫ Next: I've had more intimacy with my lip balm this winter than with my significant other.

≪ Previous: Happy birthday to someone I hope realizes they're too old to go snowboarding.

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I've had more intimacy with my lip balm this winter than with my significant other.

January 8, 2014, 10:29 am

≫ Next: Thanks for extending the hassle of gift buying by having a birthday in January.

≪ Previous: For your January birthday I promise to regift a Christmas present I didn't totally hate.

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Thanks for extending the hassle of gift buying by having a birthday in January.

January 8, 2014, 10:30 am

≫ Next: Sorry to hear your body is as sick as your mind.

≪ Previous: I've had more intimacy with my lip balm this winter than with my significant other.

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Sorry to hear your body is as sick as your mind.

January 8, 2014, 11:56 am

≫ Next: I think I’m finally ready to commit to an open relationship.

≪ Previous: Thanks for extending the hassle of gift buying by having a birthday in January.

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I think I’m finally ready to commit to an open relationship.

January 8, 2014, 12:14 pm

≫ Next: My favorite winter sport is walking to the nearest warm bar.

≪ Previous: Sorry to hear your body is as sick as your mind.

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My favorite winter sport is walking to the nearest warm bar.

January 8, 2014, 1:34 pm

≫ Next: I'm glad the cold weather has made you want to stay in and watch TV as much as I do even when it's nice out.

≪ Previous: I think I’m finally ready to commit to an open relationship.

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I'm glad the cold weather has made you want to stay in and watch TV as much as I do even when it's nice out.

January 8, 2014, 2:01 pm

≫ Next: I'll love you til your cup size is bigger than mine.

≪ Previous: My favorite winter sport is walking to the nearest warm bar.

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I'll love you til your cup size is bigger than mine.

January 8, 2014, 4:50 pm

≫ Next: I wish my kids would leave me alone while I repeatedly refresh Facebook to see who liked my post about my kids.

≪ Previous: I'm glad the cold weather has made you want to stay in and watch TV as much as I do even when it's nice out.

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I wish my kids would leave me alone while I repeatedly refresh Facebook to see who liked my post about my kids.

January 9, 2014, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Just a reminder to be careful about using email for sensitive issues like creating a man-made traffic disaster in New Jersey.

≪ Previous: I'll love you til your cup size is bigger than mine.

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Just a reminder to be careful about using email for sensitive issues like creating a man-made traffic disaster in New Jersey.

January 9, 2014, 7:57 am

≫ Next: I wish Chris Christie would create dangerous conditions on my commute so I'd have a valid excuse to be late for work.

≪ Previous: I wish my kids would leave me alone while I repeatedly refresh Facebook to see who liked my post about my kids.

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I wish Chris Christie would create dangerous conditions on my commute so I'd have a valid excuse to be late for work.

January 9, 2014, 8:36 am

≫ Next: You're cantankerous, inappropriate, self-destructive, and hopefully single.

≪ Previous: Just a reminder to be careful about using email for sensitive issues like creating a man-made traffic disaster in New Jersey.

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You're cantankerous, inappropriate, self-destructive, and hopefully single.

January 9, 2014, 8:40 am

≫ Next: Here's to Chris Christie for trying his best to keep New Jerseyans away from the rest of the country.

≪ Previous: I wish Chris Christie would create dangerous conditions on my commute so I'd have a valid excuse to be late for work.

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