Article 28
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A guy's post about cheating on his wife will make you ask your husband why he never cheats.
Entertainer Jason Hewlett "The Entertainer" wrote a very long post about cheating on his wife that went viral. Because he was cheating on her with her. Twist! Yes, Hewlett was creeping on his own wife. They both happened to be in line at the same store after going there separately. Hewlett briefly didn't recognize her, but boy, did he want to hump on that strange woman. Once he realized that he could indeed boff this random lady if he wanted, he just sat back and enjoyed watching her, feeling horny and proud. The story is both creepy and sweet, and ends with some reflections on not taking your partner in life for granted.
Kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I think I sort of cheated on my wife today. To explain what I mean, I was at...
Posted by Jason Hewlett The Entertainer on Tuesday, December 1, 2015
It reads:
Kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I think I sort of cheated on my wife today. To explain what I mean, I was at Target getting a few manly things, you know - eyebrow tweezers, toenail clippers, beard trimmers, mustache molding waxes, some beef jerky, sardines, trail mix, a loofah - and as I went to pay I saw this woman in line that knocked me out. I thought, "Wow, some lucky guy is with her", and in a split second I realized it was my wife! You know, it was just out of context to see my spouse at the same store, in the same line, living her life and not knowing she might be at the same place, same time, different car. There was a person between us, so I just watched my cute little Love, tried to text her stuff like, "Hey Hottie" and "What are you buying now my Babelicious?", none of which got her attention as she was looking for a coupon she'd saved just for this purchase. So I gave up getting her attention, as you can imagine I easily could have humiliated her by leaping on the register as a Raptor and really making her publicly proud, and instead just stood back and silently observed my feelings about this woman. First off, I was taken aback by how amazingly beautiful she is once again. I believe I see it often, but today, not knowing she was at the store, I saw her with new eyes and just couldn't believe I get to be her fella. It made me blush - but no one could see it under my huge monster Movember beard. Second, it amazed me that she didn't notice me in the slightest. This is both a good and a bad thing. Good in that she doesn't have a wandering eye. Good in that she didn't see the creepy dude with the overgrown mink on his face peering over her shoulder. But maybe that's bad, too, like what if it hadn't been me? I need to get her another can of mace just in case. But it was also bad because I realized how close I came to not ever winning her love in the first place, and the herculean efforts I had to make all those years ago to even get her attention just to say yes to one date! For a minute I felt that familiar grief of doom when I first saw her and knew well, that's impossible. But somehow I nabbed her despite my insecurities, inabilities, and imperfections. Third, I was ultimately so pleased to see her in complete confidence on this day, as the independent, capable, humble, fun, sweet, kind, awesome person she is. And then she grabbed her things and walked out the door. I never said anything, didn't flag her down, just watched her walk away, admiringly, knowing she's my wife and I love everything about this woman. She rarely looks at Facebook so she won't see this post, she won't realize she was kind of cheated on today, but I thought I'd share with you all since I'm just a dweeby guy making my way through life, and at the same time sure there are those who have had the same experiences regarding their loved ones in one way or another, and these moments are perfect. Lesson of the Day: It's good to look at those we love with fresh eyes whenever we can to remind us how lucky we are to have their light in our lives.
Tl;dr voyeurism is hot.
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Christmas Season
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Woman has cutest way to surprise her girlfriend with news that she's her kidney match.
Lori Interlicchio filmed the moment she surprised her girlfriend, Alana Duran, with the news that she is a kidney match for Alana. Lori gave her a series of gifts with fun hints before Alana discovered the big news. They met because of a match on Tinder, so this has to be one of the greatest Tinder success stories of all time. Interestingly enough, it's not the first story about an organ donation due to Tinder. Generally people worry about waking up in a bathtub of ice after having their organs stolen by a psycho from Tinder. It's not an unwarranted fear, as Tinder is often full of nut jobs.
Lori couldn't wait for her to find the big reveal, which was stalled because she kept giving her sweet and fantastic gifts:
I wanted her to hurry up and get to the bottom, but she was so appreciative of every single item I bought. She talked about the Star Wars band aids for like 20 seconds.
The final gift was a small poster of a mock Tinder match with a bit of a twist:
It’s a match! You and Lori have no antibodies against each other”.
There's nothing better than dating someone who is a creative at giving gifts. And it's a life-saving bonus if that special someone is also a matchable organ donor. Hopefully the future is a healthy one for both Alana and Lori.
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The top 42 tweets of the week as picked by someone who spends way too much time on Twitter.
Donni Saphire has favorited over 610,000 tweets on Twitter and knows them all by name. He judges everyone's attempts at zinging the zeitgeist so you don't have to.
What a hectic week! Kobe Bryant announced his retirement with a poem. Mark Zuckerberg pledged to give 99% of his riches away. Amy Schumer posed near-nude, stirring up fans and detractors alike. A new Batman Vs. Superman trailer broke the Internet. Debates raged over mass shootings and gun control. We celebrated Rosa Parks, mourned Scott Weiland, and braced for nonstop holiday music. All that and more, in the Top 43 Tweets Of The Week!
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Bob Saget took a group photo with Seth Green and a child actor everyone misses this time of year.
Oh now Saget wants a squad? Bob Saget, friend but not that close friend of Mary-Kate Olsen, is currently starring in a Broadway play. He took a backstage photo with some of his close personal bros who came to see the show, including actors Seth Green and Macaulay Culkin, and shared it on Facebook. While this definitely qualifies as a group of celebrity friends associating with each other photographically, it doesn't quite have the pizazz, intimacy among participants, and picturesque activity that viewers prize in a good squad photo. But not everyone can be Taylor Swift or Jennifer Lawrence on a jet ski.
Macaulay Culkin does look like he has an intriguing secret, though.
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This insanely transphobic Caitlyn Jenner Christmas ad got a company a big lump of coal.
A New Zealand company called Cranium put up a billboard with an unlicensed photo of Caitlyn Jenner from her Vanity Fair cover shoot. After submitting her to the indignity of a clip art Santa hat, they captioned the picture with, "I hope your sack is fuller than mine this Christmas." Since they were trolling for attention, they got it. Cranium was soon flooded with complaints about their transphobic ad, and they have deleted their Facebook account.
What do you think of this advertising board in Auckland??? #smackyourface
Posted by Smack your face on Tuesday, December 1, 2015
A guy from the company named Phillip Garratt apologized for Cranium, which has donated $1,000 to a local LGBT charity. He added, "Cait is welcome to stay at my house with my family anytime," which sounds like a literal nightmare for everyone involved. Meanwhile, the billboard has been updated:
would you look at sign now lol... #smackyourface
Posted by Smack your face on Wednesday, December 2, 2015
If they were actually sorry they probably would have taken the billboard down, but a huge attention-seeking "CENSORED" instead gets rid of the ad while making Cranium look butt hurt at the same time.
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Christmas Season
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Real flight attendants confess the strangest interactions they've had in the air.
There's a saying among flight attendants that goes, "One checked bag, one checked brain." When people take flight, they often leave their brains on the ground. A combination of the altitude, the alcohol, nausea drugs and/or sleeping pills, and sheer restlessness turn the airplane cabin into a stunning gallery of the worst of human behavior. Flight attendants bear witness to the craziest things as they soar through the air, a lot of which involve pee, poop, and penises. A Reddit thread posed the question, "Flight attendants of Reddit, What's the most bizarre thing you've seen on a flight?" Here are the funniest examples. While truth is often stranger than fiction, reading these stories will still make you want to watch the epic airplane scene from Bridesmaids.
1. The nocturnal pisser.
2. The nocturnal masturbator.
3. The cup of pee.
4. The bus stop.
5. The mile high club
6. The meet-cute.
7. The confused pee-er.
8. The pork chop.
9. The colostomy bag.
10. The naked man.
11. The Dr. Daddy saga.
12. The blowjob.
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Human lobster proposes to his girlfriend with a personalized children's book.
If you're a student these days, there's about a 90% chance that you'll witness your teacher getting engaged. The latest enragingly adorable viral proposal to happen at a school featured a personalized children's book where the title character, Bobster the Lobster, came to life and asked the teacher reading the book to marry him.
The groom to be, Joe Graceffa, wrote the book. It features inside jokes and places the couple visited together, and a blank page at the end with a live cliffhanger.
Elsa Cremer, the bride, wrote:
Last Monday morning, as I was prepping my classroom for the day (at Piper Preschool), I received a call from my boss wondering if I'd mind reading a story to the kids while they recorded me for "marketing purposes." They told me the book I'd be reading was written by a friend of theirs. What they didn't tell me was that their "friend" was my boyfriend, Joe Graceffa, and that he had written and illustrated the book with a surprise ending just for me.
Graceffa explained to Inside Edition that there were clues throughout the whole book, starting with the cover. The book's author was Ivan Yutusayez (as in, "I want you to say yes"), and the illustrator had the subtle name Hope Tizworks (an easier one to decode).
The actual book is available here as a PDF, and it gets adorably meta:
Congratulations to the happy crustaceans!
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This woman unintentionally became an advocate for people with skin conditions by posting selfies.
Lexxie Harford is a British video game artist with a "port-wine stain vascular birthmark" on her face. She uploaded a bunch of selfies onto Imgur, not knowing that photos uploaded onto the site are made public. All of a sudden, thousands of people started checking them out and asking her what it's like to live with the mark.
All in all, the pictures received over 100,000 views. She also was asked to appear on two U.K. talk shows about the dating lives of people with disabilities, but rejected the requests, as she thinks that people who truly "[accept] themselves" shouldn't allow television to portray them as insecure and in need of help (the shows are called The Undateables and Too Ugly for Love?, so it's pretty clear why she thinks that).
She is using the attention she received to shed light onto people with birthmarks and skin conditions, though:
The demand seems to be there for direct access with my cause, and I’m (fingers crossed) hoping to use all of the advantages thrown to me to make something out of this and potentially start a really good, loud campaign.
These are probably some of the only seflies that are actually doing good for humanity.
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Christmas Season
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This trailer for every movie released in 2015 might actually make you watch some of them.
YouTube channel JoBlo Movie Trailers released its annual year in films trailer, featuring all the films released during 2015. While it is still a trailer, it's almost nine minutes long and definitely has a narrative arc you can follow. Inspirational, horrifying, and ending on a corny joke, this trailer perfectly encapsulates all the movies from 2015 you didn't watch and probably won't, until Oscar season at least. Plus it's mostly just the cool explosions and almost none of the boring talking. Hurray!
Related: A DJ mashed up the 40 biggest songs of 2015 and it will be stuck in your head forever.
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This is the chillest license plate, and tbh it will make you lol.
Often times, people try to sneak risky license plates past their state governments. And sometimes license plates get rejected in the heartland because of narrow-minded bureaucrats. But one lucky driver in the great state of West Virginia was randomly issued the chillest license plate ever:
For those that aren't familiar with why this is funny, DTF is an acronym for "down to f##k", and 420 is number slang for smoking marijuana. If the driver uses the plate, people might assume he requested it on purpose and is the worst. Or, he could cruise around town and people would shower him with free drugs and sex. Either way, it fits perfectly with the "wild, wonderful" slogan at the bottom.
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Article 14
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Seven siblings adopted by different families reunited to create the childhood memories they never had.
Averne was adopted as an infant and raised as an only child. But in first grade, she found out that she had six siblings who went to live with different families after her birth parents split up. "I was very curious about my brother and sisters and couldn't wait to meet them. I started searching in high school but didn't find anything," she said in the r/Adoption subreddit. "I decided to search again in college, but they found me first. It took me 10 years and all seven of us 15 years to finally get all of us together in the same place at once."
Finally, 15 years after the initial contact, all seven of the siblings united in California to meet, catch up, and make childhood memories together.
This is the seven of us. We're fully biological siblings who were spilt up and adopted by 5 different families. We found each other for the first time 15 years ago, but never had all 7 of us in the same place at the same time until this June. We asked a photographer to take some family photos of us creating childhood memories we missed out on.
They did some classic childhood activities to create the photos.
They sneakily read with a flashlight after bedtime.
They had a big pillow fight.
They had a big birthday party to make up for all the years they missed.
They had the tickle fight of tickle fights.
They formed a family band.
And took an adorable portrait on the stairs.
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Article 12
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This lady's letter to Adele contains so many curse words and mentions of bodily fluids.
An Irish woman named Stephanie Pope wrote an open letter to Adele, and unlike most open letters, this one talks a lot about puking and pissing before getting to the inspiring stuff. That may be why it's gone viral; people are probably sick of hearing sappy stories about how this or that song helped someone drag their life outta the gutter with its catchy hook. Stephanie's story is much closer to real life. This is how we're meant to sing along to Adele: drunk as a sailor.
She writes:
Dear Adele,
I had just split up with my fiancée 2 weeks previous when you sang at the Brit Awards.
I still lived with the prick and went on a ‘fuck you’ night out with my mates. I had got pissed as a newt in an hour! Ya know when they say you get pissed quicker when your an emotional wreck?!.. Yeah it was one of those nights. Anyway, in my black dress, black tights, black heels, I came home crashing through the front door absolutely wasted, obliviously trailing dog shit on my shoes, right through my lovely hallway. I made my way to the kitchen bin where I puked my guts up and pissed my pants whilst doing so, I stumbled into the living room and pressed play on your recorded performance of ‘someone like you’ on the TV. I sang and cried at the top of my lungs, believing I was you as I belted out every word to the bastard In the doorway looking at me with disgust! He closed the door on me and went to bed! I didn’t give a shit, I was pissed and I was a woman, with feelings, and a heart, and I deserved better. All I needed was me and you, because you understood! Lol!! We connected that night! There I was with dog shit on my shoes, sick on my dress, standing in pissy tights and pants, with zero dignity and not knowing a fuck what I was gonna do now. But in that instant you became me and I became you!!
Feels like a million years ago now but I just wanted you to know about it!!
I’m Now free of the ex fiancée, totally cured and healed by the man of my dreams, my best buddy (and now husband). Thanks for helping me through it all.
All my love, respect and deepest thanks.
Stephanie
Adele probably doesn't want to feel like she became a woman covered in piss and vomit for any amount of time, even if it was just an instant. But the truth is, she's probably been there in her own life. We've all been there.
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One Direction played tattoo roulette, and the loser got tattooed live on TV.
One Direction and James Corden tested their luck on The Late Late Show as they played a game of "Tattoo Roulette." Corden, along with each member of the band, were given mystery boxes, with one of the boxes indicating that a person would get a tattoo live on the show. If Corden lost, he'd get a 1D tattoo, and if any of the boy wonders lost, they'd get a tattoo saying "Late Late." Most of the band members are covered in tattoos, with the exception of Niall Horan, which made him extremely nervous to play the game. Corden is also sans ink, and he was the most nervous of all. They should be nervous, as bad tattoos have caused wives to leave husbands and take a skilled artist to fix properly.
Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson were both safe out of the gate, which truly freaked out Horan and Corden. They were more freaked out about what's in the box than Brad Pitt's character at the end of the movie Se7en:
Harry Styles is now the proud owner of a tattoo honoring The Late Late Show. He chose to get it on his arm surrounded by several other tattoos, but honestly he could get it on his forehead and his swooning international fans would still love him.
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This wife received a selfie of her sleeping husband with a stranger from her husband's phone.
A stranger took a selfie with Reddit user MrsRoseyCrotch's husband while he was asleep at the airport, and then sent it to her from her husband's phone. She was super confused at the bizarre scenario, so she did what any person in her weird, potentially dangerous situation would do: tell Reddit about it. It quickly made the front page, and went on to garner over three million views on Imgur.
View post on imgur.comReddit users had some, um, theories as to what was going on:
She wrote a follow up post a few hours later, when she found out what had happened. Turns out it was his coworker messing with him.
View post on imgur.comClassic coworker.
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