If you noticed a shift in the universe this morning, it may be due to the fact that Leonardo DiCaprio finally won an Oscar, all while saying some stuff about climate change. The only person almost as happy as Leonardo was Kate Winslet. Kate's evening of crying with joy for Leo began on the red carpet.
In what many regard as a surprisingupset, director Tom McCarthy's "Spotlight" took home Best Picture at last night's Academy Awards, wrestling the award away from the bear-wrestling favorite to win. The film, based on the Boston Globe's 2001 investigation into a startling trend of sexual abuse by Roman Catholic priests, also nabbed a trophy for Best Original Screenplay. For whatever it's worth, horrible tragedy makes for compelling cinema.
Many had their bets to win on box office hits The Martian or The Revenant to take home the big one, with Spotlight's $40 million gross making it "one of the lowest-grossing Best Picture winnersof the past several decades," according to Fortune.
Spotlight stars Michael Keaton, Rachel McAdams, Mark Ruffalo, Stanley Tucci, Liev Schreiber, and John Slattery.
Most Jimmy Kimmel fans are aware of the long-running joke (which started in 2006) that Matt Damon is not allowed to appear on his late night show. But last night, Damon finally made it on—sort of—when Ben Affleck basically wore him onto the stage.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uP4d9YtzkXk
Immediately addressing the elephant in the room (the one that was hiding under Affleck's coat), Kimmel told Affleck, "You've really ballooned up." To which Affleck replied, "Thanks, I didn't think this was going to be about body-shaming tonight."
Kimmel then undid Affleck's fake-suit and SURPRISE! Matt Damon, on-set.
Kimmel admonished the cheering audience, yelling at them to sit down and stop clapping, while Damon pointed to the stage and gloated, "I'm on the show. I'm on the show."
Affleck said he thought their feud had gone on long enough, and that it was "time to bury the hatchet." Kimmel did not agree, and after a quick, failed attempt to re-adjust the camera so Damon wouldn't appear onscreen, he had him removed altogether by security.
Leap Day is confusing, but this scientific video will help you understand it. Basically, what it comes down to is that Earth, like the jerk it is, refuses to rotate 365 times during its orbit of the sun, and instead revolves 365.24219 times. This stubbornness puts our calendar year off by about six hours.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTOr8_ILqGw
So Julius Caesar came up with a solution back in 45 B.C.: every four years, we have Leap Day, February 29. The other three years, we just ignore "that extra quarter of a day." So if we didn't add an extra day every four years (Leap Day), because of the way Earth tilts (wow, get it together already, Earth) our calendar would eventually become out of whack with the seasons—Christmas would be accompanied by summer weather.
Leap Year actually overcorrects the calendar just a smidge, so every hundred years, we skip Leap Year, and to make up for that, every 400 years, we skip skipping Leap Year. Oops, it just got confusing again.
9-year-old Jacob Tremblay, who starred in Room as a child confined for years along with his mother (Brie Larson), may not have been nominated, but he stole the Oscars ceremony anyway. Dressed in a spiffy Armani suit, the Vancouver native attended his first Oscars and dominated the pre-show interviews with his clever responses, social media swagger, and overwhelming cuteness. Here's Jacob on his way to the ceremony with his alluring parents:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BCWPclYnqBD/
When Ryan Seacrest asked Tremblay about his experience at the Oscars, he said:
Jacob also noted that the red carpet was a lot bigger than he'd expected:
https://twitter.com/ABC/status/704099356320772096
Later, Tremblay was chilling with Creed star Sylvester Stallone, and he gave Rocky a left jab to the face "because he took my spot in the Best Supporting Male":
https://www.instagram.com/p/BBiq84onqNK/
When C-3PO, R2-D2, and BB-8 appeared on stage, Jacob quickly rose from his seat to get a better view:
And finally, viewers' hearts all swelled in unison when he told Chris Rock, "I loved you in Madagascar" from his perch on a box that helped him reach the mic:
Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar last night (wow, that took forever) and while this might seem like bad news for people who loved mocking Leo online for never having won, the Internet is celebrating the win by continuing to mock Leo. After the big moment, Reddit and Imgur users got busy photoshopping Leo holding his award and clutching onto the announcement envelope with a conveniently placed middle finger.
There were some who took Leo's award away from him before he could even bask in his glory.
Others exposed Leo's true feelings of triumph.
And there were many nods to Leo's fine acting roles.
At one point, Leo managed to let go of his Oscar and sit down.
Thus inviting more photoshops.
There was the selfie.
The Oscar doesn't give you happiness photoshop.
And the one where Leo's trying to digest his Oscar.
Just because Leonardo DiCaprio is willing to get naked and crawl inside a dead horse, doesn't he mean he's lost his sense of humor! After the The Revenant star's fifth acting nomination turned into his first Oscar win, DiCaprio went to have his name engraved on the big trophy. You know, the one he got for playing make believe better than any other leading man this year (also known as Best Actor).
Variety caught footage of DiCaprio joking around with the engraver at the Governors Ball, the official Oscars after-event. Worth noting is the engraver, who puts together the inscription on the Best Actor award with the same look of boredom displayed by everyone who sat through last night's ceremony.
Towards the end of the clip, you can hear DiCaprio ask the engraver how to take care of the trophy so it maintains that glamorous allure. Her response is inaudible, but it probably involves shining it with the still-warm carcass of an animal.
After all the memes ripping DiCaprio for his Oscar-less career, he's earned the right to act a little smug today. You don't let a bear tear you apart just for a Golden Globe.
The Stacey Dash moment she's referring to was this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BQldXH_aPY
The awkwardness—caused by Dash's previous comments questioning the existence of Black History Month—is palpable. Teigen wasn't the only one with an appropriate reaction to this uncomfortable cameo:
Of course, the fact that they mentioned donating to one charity instead of two has to make you wonder if they've figured out yet that Oprah and Whoopi are indeed two different people.
A very pregnant Anne Hathaway showed off her baby bump and her husband at last night's Vanity Fair Oscars after-party. She loves that bump and rumor has it she's taken it just about everywhere with her during her pregnancy.
She's going to have to find a new must-have accessory to flaunt soon, though—there's no way she's going to be able to hold onto this look much longer. Once that baby is born, she'll have to rely on a good purse or a bold statement necklace to make her outfits complete.
5. Sylvester Stallone, because he was snubbed at the Oscars.
To clarify, this is NOT a wax statue of Sylvester Stallone.
Everyone is still buzzing about last night's 88th Academy Awards. The show featured some controversial moments from host Chris Rock, some tears, some laughs, and most notably, vindication for long-suffering actor Leonardo DiCaprio, who finally won Best Actor for his role in The Revenant. But another actor who was predicted to break his losing streak came up short: Sylvester Stallone.
Many Hollywood pundits were expecting Stallone to win Best Supporting Actor for his role as Rocky Balboa in Creed, but the award went to Mark Rylance for Bridge of Spies. In 1977, a young Stallone was nominated for Best Actor for the same role in the original Rocky, but lost to Peter Finch for Network. Almost 40 years later, Stallone has still never won an Oscar. And now, the 69-year-old may never have another chance (unless the next Rambo is surprisingly deep).
If Stallone had won, it would have been a perfect Cinderella story. But apparently, the Academy didn't want to take any of the spotlight away from Leo. Maybe Creed should have included a scene where Rocky loses a fight to a bear.
4. Blac Chyna, because someone borrowed her car and crashed it.
Blac Chyna, trouble magnet.
Model Blac Chyna has had a real roller coaster of a life recently. She's had the highs of her blossoming romance with Rob Kardashian and the newfound fame that's brought her, and the lows of being arrested at the airport and having a friend crash her car. That last incident happened in November 2015, but it's still causing Chyna plenty of trouble.
TMZ reports that the driver, Charmeika "Paige" Addison, has been dodging the police since the crash, leading a judge to tack on a felony hit-and-run charge. Apparently, Addison t-boned an SUV, which contained three girls who were injured. Now, cops can't find the reckless driver and former Boss Nails star, so they've put out a warrant for her arrest.
How will this affect Blac Chyna and her ongoing feud with Rob's disapproving Kardashian dynasty? Only time will tell. But it probably won't encourage them to invite her to Thanksgiving.
3. J.K. Rowling, because the new 'Harry Potter' thrill ride is making muggles throw up.
J.K. Rowling has brightened the lives of millions around the world. But will her legacy be making them spew?
Here's one problem J.K. Rowling can't tweet her way out of. Ever since the Wizarding World of Harry Potter ride opened at Universal Studios Orlando, it's been a smash hit (like everything that says Harry Potter on it). It's so popular, Universal is opening an identical ride at its park in Hollywood. But something got lost in translation, and the new ride is not having an identical effect on the people who ride it. TMZ reports that a shocking number of them end up puking their guts out.
So far, only Universal employees have ridden the ride, because it's still being tested. (Here's hoping that job is well-paid.) Considering the ride is supposed to open in two months, engineers have their work cut out for them. Or they could just leave it and claim that's part of the ride. They could say Voldemort hit the riders with a Spewing Spell, and then sell Pepto-Bismol at the exit. It's not like people would stop riding it. It's Harry Potter.
2. Stacey Dash, because her joke at the Oscars bombed hard.
Sylvester Stallone wasn't the only person at the Oscars who didn't get the moment they were expecting. Clueless star-turned-provocateur Stacey Dash showed up for the event to take part in what could have been a shocking and hilarious sight gag, but ended up falling as flat as everything else she's done since Clueless.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsWhStEJSxI
Dash emerged from the wings after being introduced by Chris Rock as the director of the Academy's new Minority Outreach Program. It was a high-concept in-joke referencing the time Dash criticized the #OscarsSoWhite campaign, then doubled down by saying we should abolish Black History Month and BET.
Of course, the almost entirely white Oscars audience wasn't the perfect target for this bit of satire, and were so shocked to see Dash on the stage that they reacted with a mixture of silence and nervous, forced chuckles. In one moment, the most popular non-sports telecast of the year turned into an awkward comedy club open mic. Chris Rock must have had a very unpleasant flashback.
1. A driver who rolled his truck over and spilled dirty porta-potties all over the side of the road.
If that Harry Potter ride story didn't make you want to puke, this will. Some poor trucker was hauling some porta-potties along Route 60 in Arizona when he rolled the truck and made an awful, stinky mess.
There are two details that make this even more unfortunate for the driver. For one, it wasn't his fault. CBS 5 reports that he swerved to avoid a barrel that had fallen off another truck, and lost control. But the worst part is that the toilets were actually empty—the human waste that spilled all over the area was from the truck's septic tank. That's right, it was his own sh*t.
Nosewitnesses claim the smell was pretty bad, but the trucker should not be blamed. Truck stop food is not known for having a great effect on the human digestive system, and also, he was hauling a bunch of portable outhouses. Who was he trying to impress?
All eyes were on Academy Awards host Chris Rock last night, who had the job of addressing the lack of diversity in major awards categories, critiquing Hollywood's mistreatment of minority groups, and also making sure everyone was still having fun in between.
Chris Rock, presumably making a good point about a sensitive topic.
How did he measure up?Many thought he did a solid job (watch Rock's monologue here). Others, like activist Shaun King, had extremely harsh words for the comedian.
In a piece for the New York Daily News (which he also posted to Facebook), King accuses Rock of diminishing the modern struggles faced by activists and crossing the line with jokes about lynching.
Here's one particularly scathing part of his piece:
In essence, Chris somehow found a way to simultaneously oversimplify what it meant to be black in the Civil Rights Movement while also drastically downplaying the size and scope of the injustice we face today…
…"They were too busy being raped and lynched," Rock declared. I know Chris steps on toes for a living, but I don't ever want to hear a live audience laughing about the lynching of our grandmothers. I can't imagine the deepest, darkest pain of any other group of people being used as a prime-time punchline…
…Chris Rock's monologue gave the distinct impression that black people were either petty for being frustrated with The Academy or that we live in a time without injustice, and, therefore, have too much free time on our hands.
Chris Rock was never going to make everyone happy, but his perspective seems to have struck a very wrong chord with at least one member of a community with whom he tried to stand in solidarity. Rock is a well-known opponent of political correctness, and his irreverent sensibility only fueled the flames of controversy for King.
If you can say anything about watching the Academy Awards year after year, it's that hosting the Oscars is almost always a bad idea if you want to keep everyone happy.
At least Chris Rock didn't subject himself to this.
Read the entire Facebook post above, where King responded to many commenters who both agreed and disagreed with his critique of Rock's monologue.
Tom Hardy dressed to the nines at the 2016 Oscars ceremony, but all eyes were on his cell phone's fashion statement. It all went down on the red carpet, where The Revenant star and his wife Charlotte Riley made a striking pair:
Three-piece suit and shades? Tom Hardy is unbelievably cool.
It was when he took a selfie with close friend and The Revenant co-star Leonardo DiCaprio, that someone noticed a very, very peculiar detail on his phone:
You could easily mistake that blurry pic for Shia crouching during his "Just Do It" motivational speech. However, according to BuzzFeed, the image on the phone case is actually a photo of Hardy and his dog:
You can thank Tumblr user Tom Butler for uncovering this tiny, wonderful detail.
If you don't have a photo of yourself on your phone case but still want to be as cool as Tom Hardy, all you have to do is wear sunglasses indoors and vape:
Heading into March of 2016, it's time to acknowledge the inevitable reality of fascist retweeter and Republican Presidential Nominee Donald Trump—and late-night comedy's best explainer, John Oliver, is the latest to realize the Trumpening must faced head-on. Delving into the Trump phenomenon with the sort of in-depth analysis he's applied to such topics as voter ID laws and NSA spying, Oliver examines Trump's appeal as well as the many, many ways the "short-fingered vulgarian" is like a gold Sharpie: "something that gives the passing appearance of wealth, but is actually just a cheap tool." Trump may be a fantastic crowd-worker, but the fact that he occasionally (constantly) forgets what he's said in the past—and has decades of tape recording him saying bizarre things—makes him the perfect topic for a Last Week Tonight explainer segment:
