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I'm terrified of how happy you're making me.

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You may not get lung cancer from smoking e-cigarettes but you may get me...

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The reason I don't last long during sex is because I want to cuddle sooner.

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Let's help each other get through this unpleasant interlude between Monday...

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The 40 most creative, embarrassing, and/or deeply offensive yearbook quotes...

To be fair, he's totally right.  It's an annual tradition for graduating high schoolers to submit a few final words of wisdom to accompany their senior portraits in the yearbook. It's the perfect time...

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I'm glad it's finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — June 25, 2013

Who's the Taliban blowing up now? Can you believe it's been four years since everyone pretended Michael Jackson wasn't a pedophile? Also, a hockey thing! All in 5 Things You Should at Least Pretend to...

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My kid's head lice feel like members of the family in that they're...

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A guy got sick of stuff being stolen off his desk. So he set up a webcam, and...

I was just borrowing your apple. And keeping it safe. In my mouth. A guy got sick of coming in in the morning and finding things missing from his desk, so he set up a webcam to catch the thievery in...

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What it would look like if John Lennon auditioned for "The Voice."

Um, if there's no hell, where did the music of Adam Levine come from? Next! This terrifying mash-up imagines an alternate reality hellscape in which John Lennon is forced to respond to notes from the...

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30 completely insane resumes that may actually be better than yours.

We're mostly interested in your phone experience. Our laser T-Rex spot is currently filled. If you're mired in unemployment — and there's a depressingly likely chance that you are — here's a look at...

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This record-breaking heat makes it even harder than usual to be fat.

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Perhaps the grossest, most passive-aggressive note ever written by a roommate.

...and we emptied stomach. If you think you really stuck it to your roommate by leaving a slightly cranky post-it next to the pile of dirty dishes, think again. This is the work of Redditor Stephy7,...

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I'd like to discuss your drinking problem over cocktails.

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I'd be a lot more into you if you were somebody else.

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The most painfully awkward team photos ever taken.

"Why does everyone keep asking us 'Spits or Swallows'?" A team photograph is meant to memorialize the effort of coming together to achieve a common goal. However, on occasion it can memorialize some of...

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — June 26, 2013

WTF is happening in Texas murdery news? Did your red equality Facebook avatar work? Plus, A-Rod needs to STFU. Check out 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend to Know Today for all that and more.Do it...

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Your red equality profile picture is the thinnest you’ve ever looked.

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The 42 most hilariously effective signs supporting gay marriage.

"THAT'S BLASPHEMY! MARY ONLY HAD SEX WITH GOD OUTSIDE OF HER MARRIAGE!" We can't prove these hilarious protest signs didn't directly lead to the Supreme Court striking down DOMA, and neither can you....

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Your support of gay marriage makes me want to have straight sex with you.

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