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I love my country, aside from most of the people in it.

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Monday is my favorite day of the week to not be asked how my weekend was.

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10 patriotic tattoos that make America seem like the scariest place on Earth.

We wouldn't dream of it. Sometimes we might go a little overboard with our love of country. For example, these unnecessarily frightening tattoos, which seem to say you don't really love America unless...

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Please accept my mildest excitement on this Canada Day.

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May your Canada Day be full of whatever Canadians like to do in their spare...

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The 10 most horrifying instances of Facebook oversharing.

Get a room you two. Get a room far underground, away from any wifi signal. As we're brought closer together by our social networks, we can't help but see things shared that make us wish we were all...

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I'm sure I speak for all Americans when I say how sorry we are that Detroit...

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Glad you found a new place to never do the goddamn dishes.

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I'm sorry I mistook your town's Canada Day parade for a Gay Pride parade.

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Congratulations on finally being able to afford your own place because your...

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I have been warming up for our sex sessions.

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I wish people got as excited about our actual independence as they do about...

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I'm so glad we've matured from oversharing pictures of hot boyfriends to...

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14 more of the most unsettlingly honest confessions ever posted online.

Make a memorable first impression.  There’s no better feeling than the rush of relief after sharing a disgraceful secret with a trusted confidant or the entire Internet. At least, that must be what...

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You make me even hotter than global warming does.

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I'm glad my ancestors killed enough British soldiers so that I get an extra...

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Let's move in together as soon as you're ready to never leave the apartment...

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Just a heads up that you're running out of time to invite me to your summer...

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I'm honoring America by stretching a one-day holiday into a week of blowing...

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You're invited to drink enough on my roof that it's a bad idea to be on my roof.

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