Can you survive this level of cuteness? (via)

Okay, let's play a game. Let's see how far into this post you can get before you melt into a shameless puddle of cooing ooo's and aaa's. In case you haven't guessed from that image up top, it won't be easy. This post is full of pictures of a 10-week-old baby girl named Eisleigh hanging out with her 8-week-old pit bull best friend Clyde. Are you ready? 

Look at that picture up top and try to get it out of your system before we start. Are you ready? Let's go: 

Most of you are already out out, right? Don't feel too bad. The deck was really stacked against you. Even Saddam Hussein would have cried at the sight of a puppy resting its head on a baby's lap. 

If you're still in the game after seeing this pic of the two newborns sharing a bouncy chair, then I'm going to have to ask if you took notice of Eisleigh's painted toe nails. I thought that'd lose a bunch of you. Be careful, everyone else. The next one is tough:  

Boom! Almost everybody else goes. If you're still in play, I have to ask what your secret is. What are you doing? Thinking of rotten venison tumbling around inside a rusty clothes dryer? And, if so, where did you even come up with an image like that? That's pretty strange. 

But even that mental image will be little use against the power of this next video:

And, just like that, everybody loses. I don't care if you're a sociopath or a robot or the unwilling vessel of a trans-dimensional demon-god. There's no way you can maintain your dignity in the face of a clip like that.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Medical students should hang up this photo as an anatomy diagram.

Bartosz Huzarski may have finished in 68th place in the Tour de France, but he's in first place when it comes to horrifying Frankenlegs that will make anyone think twice about working out too much. He posted this photo on Friday following the 18th stage of the world-famous bicycle race. The 18th stage is an uphill one, and thus a lot more brutal on the riders. Huzarski's legs were swollen from the exercise, resulting in... this. A translation of his Facebook post said that he would have to "squeeze" some more strength out of them for the past 3 days, but "Phew, I can tell you that we have downhill [next]." I think we're all relieved to hear that this won't be happening again soon. Predictably, the image caused accusations of doping from strangers on the Internet, but most people who are familiar with how exercise works (in other words, not most people on the Internet) agree with that this is the sad reality of being in shape. Huzarski had this to say in his defense:

"Of course I will not have legs like Victoria’s Secret models, or Mary from a nearby vegetable shop, or anyone working in an office who does a 10km bike ride or an hour run three times a week. Unfortunately it does not work like that and this what you see in the picture. It is not unhealthy.

(by Johnny McNulty),

Dad, when he had a fuzzy animal living on his face.

Must be upsetting for a one-year-old kid to deal with her father going from huge beard to no beard in the span of a few minutes. For one thing, he's looks like a completely different human being. And for another, she's probably just realizing that her dad didn't have to look like that this whole time. Apparently, he was choosing to look like the lead singer of Brooklyn indie rock band. That's got to be a disturbing to realize. It's a tough day when we realize our parents make terrible life choices. At least this girl's figuring it out early.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Maybe send a lifeguard. He's flailing.(Via)

Don't judge! Face-to-face human interaction has been dead since 2008. How else are we supposed to find love anymore, if not by posting and messaging each other a list of all the stuff we'd like to do to each other? Of course, sometimes your Facebook friends can get a little over-eager, maybe a little too excited to discuss their own anatomy, and that's when they end up on this list celebrating Facebook users trying to establish a romantic connection with no regard for their own dignity.

One day someone not related to you who isn't a part of the greatest generation will give you a like. (Via)

.

For post-world cup pickups, you tailor your lines to entire nations and see who bites.(Via)

.

She's about to discover a lot of her male friends are forgetful. (Via)

.

Make sure your spam messages offering revenge sex end politely.(Via)

.

Thank you, heroic sir, for never going a day without reminding every woman on your friend list how creepy you are. (Via)

.

Updated 6/8/14:

"Elastic collision" is what science geeks call a one-night stand apparently. (Via)

You can do that on Facebook? Is that through Facebook Gifts? (Via)

He'll get you to the starting line. Then you're on your own.(Via)

You could also leave this on a giant net then trap him when you get a taker. (Via)

To anyone who wants to help this kid, he's provided a handy hashtag to respond with. (Via)

"Lol" means "I'm just kidding unless you're into it!" (Via)

Updated 5/12/14:

60 more comments and she'll know you mean it. (Via)

The mushrooms just turn your hair into snakes so don't waste time on the gel. (Via)

Are you from a poorly funded school district? Cos daaayuum! (Via)  

Dude's got $35K. If you have a lifetime to spare, you're in business. (Via)

Paying for love isn't desperate. It's supporting small businesses. (Via)

As it happens, I have been meaning to try out this new saddle. (Via)

That deescalated quickly. (Via)

Updated 4/13/14:

No better way to woo a lover than to call them "braahh."

Can't imagine why.

Eventually every woman gets sick of the toy boys and wants to meet a toy man.(via)

"Super cute slut" is exactly what he was going for! Those Kmart glamour shots paid off!(via)

Before the Internet, them titties could only be snail-mailed. #miracles(via)

Updated 2/9/14:

They always lose interest the minute you take off the zombie makeup.

I thought posting Happy Bday on his wall was enough. This is getting out of hand.

He's going to regret this when she starts hitting on his friends. (Via)

Dammit. Fell in love again. Stupid literacy!

Girls love a gentleman who respects their fragile insecurity.

Do you want a husband or a wifey? Make up your mind and stop playing with hearts!

Does that come before or after the cake?

Updated 1/9/14:

You called him bro. He thought that meant you were dating. (Via)

This was the year he found out Santa's so not real. (Via)

If you kept the wishing on the stars and off Facebook, you'd have a way better shot.(Via)

Guess who just became ineligible for the boyfriend part. (Via)

That went well.(Via)

Updated 12/12/13:

Perhaps this should have gone in the "Enterprising Entrpreneurs On FB" list. (Via)

A dog humping a leg has more game. (Via)

Oh God! She shrunk!(Via)

Yes, mom! Go over and teach him to take some frigging initiative.(Via)

Correctional, like jail? Don't send pics! He just wants to trade them for cigarettes. (Via)

Updated 11/14/13:

The real fight will happen when those four girls start arguing over who gets which imbecile.

Click like if only interested in being mistress.

You should all be euthanized.

In committed relationships?

Okay, if you can't tolerate all that, I'll set for someone who likes weed.

Say hello to the 2013 version of "will you wear my varsity jacket?"

Updated 10/29/13:

How to choose! The "looking good" guy or the "shoo wee" guy? Can't she have both?!

Way to 100% safeguard yourself against even the hint of rejection, player.

Can't wait to hear your self-written vows.

How many relationships are undone by a man tagging another woman in his dessert?

Study hard. Handsome gentle boyfriends don't look twice at girls who don't pass Maori.

So hard to balance romance and coloring books in a young girl's life.

Updated 9/27/13:

Let him know you like him with constant comment-section harassment!

The surrounding towns heard a rumble from the stampede of interested parties racing to be "boned."

Alien seeks girl with dimples. Must loathe grammar.

If you ever get a girlfriend, delete this status if you want to keep all your limbs.

That was one hell of a meet-cute story. Did Nora Ephron write that dialogue?

Can't you just donate it or something? Virginity is tax-deductible.

Updated 8/12/13:

I think the strip club advertisement really likes me!

Prom's boring anyway. Just stay home and post on Facebook in a fancy outfit.

You know your moves are working when she has to insist "I'm not a whore."

It's a medical condition. He has no hands. Pity him.

Facebook: The perfect way to know who to avoid at Thanksgiving.

Facebook won't let you put your relationship status in bold, neon font.

Updated 7/11/13:

Do you find me attractive? How about if I remove my genitals? Oh wait, I'm sad now.

Not as classy as the story of the lady who rose from a lake holding a penis.

The day Ben's penis unfriends Ben's brain...we're all doomed.

And you're narrating it at 4:46 am.

Give her seven more months to respond, then she's gone.

Some things the Like button just doesn't convey.

Updated 6/13/13:

Did he ever think to say, "PLEASE hit me up, bitches?"

The ultimate pickup line is the one with an "insert your name here" space.

Wait, are there women who can orgasm without crying?

Every girl's just looking for a man who'll relocate at the first hint that she's available.

So would Tom Cruise be Jesus's father-in-law in this? That's a hell of a family tree.

If Facebook offered a "Translated to reflect your actual thoughts" button.

Updated 1/2/13:

And some penicillin.

Oh she's committed. Just boobs then?

Ladies, stay out of the Axe aisle at Walmart tonight.

Stop promoting your stupid camel farm and celebrate the fact that it's Wednesday!

That'll do.

Give her a chance. She probably has hard candy and a check for five bucks.

Updated 10/30/12:

Maybe 'F' and 'U' should be introduced to each other.

It's a trap!

He took a shot. A ridiculously humiliating shot.

He just has elegant penmanship.

If only Facebook allowed him to type in a blinking neon lit font to get the point across.

Not going to end well at all.

Updated 9/17/12:

Posted 6/21/12:

At least one of those world-class cyclists is jealous of that kid's 10-speed right now.

Italian rider Vincenzo Nibali won the Tour de France on Sunday for the Astana team of Kazakhstan, and his teammates celebrated his win (and their redemption from a string of steroid scandals that had stripped their riders of several Tour titles) with the traditional slow victory run with a glass of champagne. As cool as they must have felt, having just won one of the major athletic competitions on the planet, none of them looked as cool as the random stranger who decided to salute Nibali and his team with a much more cycling-appropriate toast than champagne: a high-speed wheelie for what looks to be at least 50 meters.

Now this is how you steal the show by keeping pace with athletes, not like the little kid in England who face-planted yesterday in front of a worldwide TV audience while following some marathon runners in the Commonwealth Games. This is also the coolest thing to come out of the 2014 Tour besides Bartosz Huzarski's insanely muscular and veiny legs, which terrified the Internet on Friday.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Everybody say, "Free publicity!" (via Washington Post)

So that photo we posted of the wedding party posing with a bunch of strangers that was really funny but had very little details? Yeah, that was fake.

In case you missed it, the legend went that engaged couple "Kristen" and "Roger" sent out a group text to invite people to their wedding photo shoot and BBQ. When the text made it's way to an accidental recipient, that recipient said he was still going to attend and he would bring his friends. The image of this text spawned the trending hashtag #WeStillComing.

Remember?

Everyone on the Internet thought this was a funny story, but the lack of details made it seem super fake. The actual couple in the photo, Amy and Ian Hicks, wanted to set the record straight. The story was super fake. They went to the real journalists over at the Washington Post told them the real story behind the picture.

Apparently, the photo really was of a wedding group and a bunch of strangers, but it was the wedding that crashed the party, not the other way around.

A 30-person Detroit rap group called 7262 was filming a music video for their track "Anthem" in front of abandoned Michigan Central Station when newly married Amy and Ian showed up in an antique trolley with their wedding party in tow. The Washington Post embarrassingly described the scene as including "tricked out" vintage cars and rappers wearing "brightly colored street threads."

When Ian and Amy got out to take some pictures in front of the building, 7262 cheered for them, and some of groomsmen went over to mingle with the rappers. That's when wedding photographer Adam Sparkes saw the publicity opportunity for what it was and invited everyone to dance in 7262's music video.

As Sparkes told the Post, “They looked over at us, we waved back at them and then we said, ‘we are going to come over and dance in your video.’”

Fortunately, the rap group was #WeStillCoolWithThat, and the wedding party ended up filming with the guys for 15 minutes, unbeknownst to the groom.

As Ian told People, "We didn't even know that they were filming us, we were just hanging out and messing around with them."

He did take pictures though, and someone, somewhere, grabbed one off of Ian's Facebook page and the story evolved into the fake #WeStillComing text conversation as it played the telephone game around the Internet.

Now the truth is out, and so is 7262's first video, which opens with the bridesmaids running over from the trolley and some of the groomsmen working some pretty decent moves. For those of you that aren't troubled by explicit lyrics or images of the archaic institution of marriage, I've included the video below:

7262's Danta Norris, AKA Mojo, told the Post he's happy that the wedding party crashed their video shoot, saying, “It’s all cool that people making what they make up, it’s making it blow up more.”

As a rap fan, I watched the video, and it does blow up. If they want to keep having hits like this, their next video would need to be crashed by an alien spaceship or Kim K's elbow fat.

(by Myka Fox)

If you reach for the pavement...you will probably make it.

The Commonwealth Games are happening right now in Glasgow, Scotland, and all of the former British Empire is tuning in to watch the best athletes (well, the best athletes who don't want to risk injury before the next Olympics) from each country compete in the spirit of peace and harmony. And embarrassing little-kid wipeouts. 

This footage comes from the 40km marathon race through the streets of Glasgow, where one little kid decided to grab glory and keep pace with these Kenyan women. Much like the British Empire itself, however, his glory ended swiftly and embarrassingly while the people of the colonies kept moving forward. I think this kid should feel pretty good about himself, though. The former Empire was so vast that it was often said that the sun never set on it. Think about the ripple of joy that started in Scotland, right where that kid wiped out, and then echoed across that former world dominion (with the added bonus of a guy with an Australian accent saying "hit the deck" so that it sounds like "hit the dick"). If subjugating 25% of the world means they all get to share in such a simple delight, maybe colonization wasn't that bad after all.

In terms of epic-win levels, this is the diametric opposite of the guy who saluted the Tour de France winner with a 50-meter wheelie.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Not a bad way to be remembered.(via)

While airing a story about an Australian teen who died tragically, a news station accidentally honored him in a fantastic way by displaying a picture of him throwing "the shocker" along with three grinning girlfriends. It seems that no one working on the segment for 9news was aware that one of the shots they were using featured the international symbol for "two in the pink, one in the stink." Or maybe they were, and believed that James Teague, the smiling teen, might get a kick out of it.

Teague had been drinking heavily while in New Zealand on a ski vacation with friends when he fell from his hotel balcony. 

Teens dying is a horrible, but it happens. And when it gets reported on, the stories always include pretty typical photos -- smiling with the folks, an ugly Christmas sweater, and usually at least one shot of the kid sulking on a couch and rocking a regrettable haircut you just know they would be horrified by.

In this case, intentional or not, 9news turned what could've been an all-too common tribute to a teen who died into a viral memorial about a guy who had a good time during the time he lived. I guarantee any 19-year-old boy would rather by remembered as the grinning dude throwing a freaky sexual sign with three lady friends than as a kid who once held a fish on a hook.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

1. Day Of Walking Dead Tragically Ends In Minor Injury

A day full of people walking around town dressed as reanimated cadavers turned unexpectedly dark over the weekend when a bunch of Californians participating in San Diego's annual Zombie Walk thronged around a family in a car, prompting the frightened driver to hit the gas in an attempt to escape, striking several of the corpses around him. One zombie woman was left with a broken arm and several other zombie participants received minor injuries.  

When I die, bury me wearing a red leather jacket so that when I'm a zombie I can avoid unemployment by being a Michael Jackson impersonator.

— Kyle Lippert (@Kyle_Lippert) July 25, 2014

2. Sarah Palin Launches An Online Channel Dedicated To Sarah Palin And Sarah Palin-Related Topics

For $9.95 a month, or $99.95 a year, you can have full access to the mind of Sarah Palin. Or at least to the mind of whoever's in charge of programing for the Sarah Palin Channel.com, an online television channel that promises to "go beyond the soundbites and cut through the media's politically correct filter." Basically, it'll just be a audio-visual version of the bumper stickers found in the parking lot of a Tea Party rally.

Reminder: it costs absolutely nothing to NOT watch Sarah Palin.

— Benari Poulten (@BenariLee) July 28, 2014

3. Scientists: Your Tongue Is Capable Of So Much More Than Just Being Weird And Gross  

According to new research, the human tongue is capable of sensing many more than the five tastes—sweet, salty, sour, bitter, umami—that we previously knew of. It's possible that there are as many as 20 other flavors it's capable of detecting. Among them, I'm assuming, are "Cool Ranch®," "meat-ish-ness" and "subway pole."

Goodnight, world. Sweet dreams. Also salty dreams and umami dreams.

— Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) October 21, 2011

4. Study: We Came This Close To Having Dinosaur Dishwashers Like On 'The Flintstones'

If some experts from Edinburgh University in Scottland are right, it means that dinosaurs could very easily have survived the asteroid strike that wiped them out, if only it had come a few million years earlier or later. There was apparently a lack of biodiversity at the time of the moment of impact that hindered the species' ability to properly adapt.  

If we all just admit dinosaurs used to coexist with us it would make getting startled by airplane shadows less embarrassing for me.

— Chris McKenna (@cpmckenna) May 28, 2014

5. New 'Mad Max' Seeks To Inure World To Concept Of Roving Bands Of Maniac Freaks Preying Upon The Remnants Of Society

The trailer for George Miller's reboot of his classic post-apocalyptic Mad Max actions series debuted at Comic-Con over the weekend. Mad Max: Fury Road should be hitting theaters some time next year, assuming the actual events of the film don't occur in real life first.

Mad Max but it's just me riding an armored Segway through a mall.

— Adam Wilson (@theleanover) July 8, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Somehow I don't remember the guy in sunglasses and a fedora at the wedding.

The fourth season of Game of Thrones may have ended a month and a half ago, but thanks to the nature of traumatic images, most of us still feel like we watched our hopes and so many other things get squashed like a bug just yesterday. Hopefully, this blooper reel will give us some happy memories to carry us through until the premiere of season five, when, I'm sure, peace and understanding will finally find all of the main characters. The reel is a lot of fun, with some unexpected discoveries: Oberyn Martell almost suffered a grisly end for real when he almost got lit on fire, and that famous dancing outtake that allowed for the most epic remix of a scene in season 4 was a lot different than you probably expected:

Check out our recaps for every episode of Game of Thrones seasons 3 and 4 as if they took place entirely on Facebook.

(by Johnny McNulty)

A herd of Juggalos head to the Faygo'ing hole.

The love affair between Morgan Freeman and the Internet shows no signs of slowing down, because he's so uniquely smooth that the addition of his voice can make almost any video cool. I say "almost" because today's clip involves the Gathering of the Juggalos, and nothing will ever be cool about that particular combination of bad music, bad decisions, and B.O.

That said, the video, posted to YouTube by fiftyfootant, which combines Freeman's narration from March of the Penguins with footage from American Juggalo, is pretty damn funny. It's also NSFW, unless you happen to work in a place that's cool with dirty images of even dirtier people.

(by Jonathan Corbett)