Loving it.
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Alison Brie and Jennifer Lawrence almost starred in a terrible-looking spoof high school TV show.
Alison Brie as... Ugh... Muffy the Vampire Slayer.
I would like to point out that at some point in 2007, a young, unknown actress named Alison Brie was terribly sad because Comedy Central passed on this pilot for Not Another High School Show:
You see, she was going to be one of the leads in this weekly spoof-fest from the guys who brought us Not Another Teen Movie. She was Muffy the Vampire Slayer. This was going to be her break out role! This was going to be the show that made her a star. But with one stroke of a pen, the suits at Comedy Central destroyed all of her hopes and dreams.
Now what was she going to do? She had a bit part on some junky little show about advertisers in the '60s, but that was on some crappy cable network known mostly for round-the-clock showing of Uncle Buck. So, how long was that gonna last? What were the odds that she would land herself on another quirky, pop-culture-obsessed, ensemble sitcom with such potential for cult status?
No, this was it. Not Another High School Show was her chance. So, you can only imagine how despondent she was.
Plus, I'm sure this chick named Jennifer Lawrence who turns up at 1:43 as "Frantic Girl" was kind of cut up, as well.
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
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Can a bunch of Korean students eat super-sour candy without having an adorable meltdown?
Such a precious revelation of misplaced trust.
Somehow or other, we have found ourselves midway through the year 2014, and society has yet to payoff on its promise of Hunger Games-esque means for children to entertain bored adults like you and me. So, we're going to have to keep being creative with how we can exploit the sweet innocence of childhood for our amusement.
Hot Dog races? Done. But how about something a little farther outside the box. Like, what if we took advantage of their trusting nature to get them to eat insanely sour confections and then filmed their adorable turmoil? You know what, that could work! In fact, it does work. In this video right here:
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
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Summer diet.
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The guy who invented pop-up ads hates them just as much as you do.
Because that's what you're probably looking at online. Puppies, right?
Look, we've all done things that we're not proud of. Luckily for most of us, our shameful act hasn't been developed into a multi-million dollar marketing technique that pisses off countless Internet users across the world every day. (Though, if someone can figure out a way to make money from me drinking a thermos full of Ramen noodles spiked with Southern Comfort on a city bus at 3 am, I'm willing to talk.)
While writing code for Tripod.com back in the mid-'90s, Ethan Zuckerman was tasked with figuring out a way to allow advertisers to get their message out to consumers, but without having to splash the name of their brand name across the same web page on which some porn actor was splashing something else. And that's when an idea popped-up in his head, so to speak. And thus, the pop-up ad was born.
"It was a way to associate an ad with a user's page without putting it directly on the page, which advertisers worried would imply an association between their brand and the page's content," Zuckerman wrote in the new issue of The Atlantic. "I'm sorry. Our intentions were good."
I guess it's nice to hear him say that, but I'm sure that the people who created the atomic bomb or auto-tune would also say the same thing. What is it they say about good intentions and the road to hell and something or other about paving? I can't remember at the moment, but I do know that an apology does not take back the years of havoc wreaked.
For his part, at least, Zuckerman is trying to right his wrongs. He's currently the director of MIT's Center for Civic Media and principal research scientist at the MIT Media Lab. One of the things he's trying to do is help the Internet move past an ad-supported system and into one which gives "micropayments" directly to people who are producing content. Not sure how you'd prompt people to make those "micropayments," though.
Maybe some kind of a small box could appear unbidden in front of whatever you're looking at online to remind you every now and then. Just brainstorming.
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
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Too soon.
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Who'd have guessed 'Star Wars' and 'Friday' would fit so well together?
"I'm taking you on an adventure, Luke, 'cause it's Friday,
and you ain't got no job, and you ain't got shit to do."
At first glance, you probably wouldn't think that the 1977 iconic space opera Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope and the 1995 stoner cult favorite Friday would have very much to do with each other. And you know what? Probably second and third glance, you'd think the same thing. Fourth glance, though—assuming you were in a particularly interesting head space—you might begin to suspect that these two cinematic classics might fit together in some weird way.
Or, at least one guy did. Blake Faucette of Distractotron made the cerebral connection and then spent a decent amount of time piecing them together in a manner that... well, makes it's own kind of sense:
And then he did it again, because why not?
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
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This kitten will stop at nothing to defend its playhouse from a determined dachshund.
The stand off before engagement.
I'm not going to say that I fully understand all of the military and diplomatic strife surrounding Russia and Ukraine's claims to the Crimean Peninsula. In fact, I'm pretty confused by a lot of it.
However, this Belarusian video, with a title that translates as "The War for the Booth"—in which a plucky little kitten and a dopey determined dachshund engage in prolonged battle for control of a living room fort—seems like it just might serve as a decent metaphor for the situation. And, if not, it's still a video of a cute cat and dog being goofy together. So, you know. What do you want from me?
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
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A collection of the biggest hypocrites to ever post on Facebook.
This got "hella" real. (Via)
Don't hate the Facebook hypocrites, cherish them. They are the digital manifestation of the frailty of human resolve. Also, they're really entertaining. if people were able to stick to a cohesive belief system from status to status, Facebook would be so predictable and dull. Here are just a handful of Facebook hypocrites who go out of their way to keep us guessing.
Hey CoughCough, are you going to take that crap?!(Via)
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The anti-bullying movement had a good run. (Via)
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Her badassery fluctuates from day to day. (Via)
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May you never practice what you preach, Jordan, you ripped slab of sex.(Via)
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Updated 7/14/14:
And never complain about people complaining about people complaining on Facebook! (Via)
Some profile pics are a mirror into one's own soul. (Via)
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She said young girls. That pic on the right was posted after two long days of aging. (Via)
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Present company excluded? (Via)
Dan's not going to let you back out of this Adam. Happy 4th.(Via)
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But that movie is how Ashley feels. (Via)
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Slut-shaming, thy name is Corinne.(Via)
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Updated 6/17/14:
That's how people die you hypocritical animals!(Via)
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But when girls bitch about other girls bitching about other girls bitching... That's fine! (Via)
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Maybe they're being sincere? "I'm glad everyone behaves just like me. It's good to belong."(Via)
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"We only went in there to get directions away from there!" -The Simpsons(Via)
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Updated 5/20/14:
Come on. You gotta have one last party for the road. (Via)
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Fun fact, 95% of all status updates are posted near some form of toilet.(Via)
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You first. (Via)
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Can't I just attack others without being attacked for attacking others?(Via)
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Feeling whatever the opposite of self-aware is. (Via)
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You know, you can do the missionary position without actually converting people to Christ, duh! (Via)
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Posted 4/28/14:
Also, his mind, soul, and morals are useless. Those abs are all he's got! (Via)
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What a difference a day can make. (via)
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Via mobile!
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Um...That's a lovely light switch panel behind you? (Via)
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Physician, heal thyself (of fucktardation)!
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These two will get to the bottom of this eventually.(Via)
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It's different when you do it to monitor your tanning progress. (Via)
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You forgot to tag some people. (Via)
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Willis who? Willis engaged in an internal battle for control of his moral center. (Via)
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Perhaps you would have meant more if you hadn't cheated?(Via)
Good to see you've cheered up...and lost all empathy.(Via)
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No, the purpose was for Zuckerberg to get back at a girl. Didn't you see The Social Network? (Via)
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You're going to hold him to something he said 25 whole minutes ago? Sheesh!(Via)
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Well, when two people love each other very much, they do what you did.(Via)
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But how else will Facebook know their review of the first 20 minutes of the movie? (Via)
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Baby steps.
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And they were bros forever and ever amen. (Via)
(by Bob Powers)
Something else you might enjoy...
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Missing out.
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A grown-ass man got himself stuck in a baby's high chair.
This baby doesn't need another baba.
No matter how messed up you think you got this weekend, if you didn't get yourself stuck in a high chair, you're doing OK.
Either this petite British guy got drunk to the point he thought this stunt would impress his friends, or he is a baby who went through one hell of a rapid growth spurt. Either way, witnesses respected the law of whatever these moments are and made sure to memorialize it (humiliate their mate) with a video.
We never get to see this baby man free himself from the chair, even though he valiantly attempts to help his cause by removing his pants. The no-pants-thing does do a good job to complete the image though.
Maybe they call it a high chair because this you'd have to get high as fuck to want to get in one.
(by Myka Fox)
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Maternal instincts.
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Challenge accepted.
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Pressure's on.
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - August 18, 2014
1. Rick Perry's Chance With GOP Primary Voters Gets Huge Boost As He's Indicted For Corruption
Texas Gov. Rick Perry is showing no signs of remorse for alleged incidents of abuse of power that got him indicted by a grand jury and will almost certainly lead to a massive show of support by his fellow Republicans just ahead of his upcoming bid for president. "If I had to do it again, I would make exactly the same decision," he said to Fox News Sunday.
Rick Perry indicted?! Oh, how my 7th favorite Republican presidential candidate has fallen.
— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) August 16, 2014
2. Chief Executive Of The United States Of America Declines Invitation To Humiliate Himself For Our Entertainment
President Barack Obama has decided not to dump a bucket of ice water over his head after being challenged by both LeBron James and Ethel Kennedy to participate of the Ice Bucket Challenge, which have been sweeping the Internet and somehow or other is supposed to help fight Lou Gehrig’s disease. In lieu of contributing a video to the cause, he will be donating $100 to the charity, which is probably useful but also depressingly boring.
So instead, here's the current Star-Lord of the Internet Chris Pratt giving his take on the Ice Bucket Challenge:
Just did the ice bucket challenge, only with ham.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) August 17, 2014
A co-worker of mine who was is in no less than three "Harlem Shake" videos thinks the ALS Ice Bucket video campaign is stupid.
— John (@thejohnblog) August 18, 2014
3. Sweden Celebrates 200 Years Of Opting Not To Get Its Hands Dirty
Can you imagine what 200 years of peace might look like? If not, just cast your gaze onto Sweden. This week, the Swedish people are celebrating two full centuries of not actively participating in any wars but only allowing other warring countries to use their railway system to attack other countries and manufacturing countless weapons for foreign soldiers to use to kill other foreign soldiers.
All Swedish people sound like they're discussing the best recipe for sugar coated gum drops.
— Nick Youssef (@NickYoussef) February 26, 2014
4. John Oliver Looks At Police Militarization In Ferguson, MO — Someone Doesn't End Up Tear-Gassed
On this weekend's edition of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver took a long, hard look at the controversial way that the militarized police have been dealing with protesters and journalists in Ferguson, Missouri in the wake of Michael Brown's killing. The most impressive part of the 15-minute segment is that he managed to do it without being assaulted or threatened by law enforcement officers while the cameras were rolling.
President Obama has been less present during the Ferguson unrest than Bill Murray at a random Brooklyn house party.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) August 18, 2014
5. 'Expendables 3' Turns Out To Pretty Disposable
Despite scoring 35 percent on Rotten Tomatoes—which is about 33 percent higher than anyone expected—Expendables 3 pulled in a disappointing $34.8 million at the U.S. box office. So weird! How can a movie about bunch of washed-up, old-man action heroes not appeal to mass audiences? I'm sorry, I meant a third movie about bunch of washed-up, old-man action heroes.
More people starred in 'Expendables 3' than went to see it this weekend
— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) August 17, 2014
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
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Soaking it in.
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This guy almost looks at 89 vaginas: one man's failed answer to a woman looking at 89 dicks.
"It looks like an eye could go there."
Earlier this summer Janet Silverman looked at 89 dicks because, impossibly, she had never been sent a dick pic before.
Some commenters on Janet's video said a man could never get away with a video of him looking at 89 vagina pictures, but Jonathan Marbelli proves he totally can -- with the supervision of a woman. To even out the equation, Jonathan generously agreed to look at 89 honey pot pics (with Janet as a chaperone).
According to Janet and Jonathan, some of the lady holes viewed in this video (don't worry, or sorry, we never see them) could be described as:
- a Rorschach test
- a golf course
- a horny funeral director
- the "thing" from Lion King
While Jonathan doesn't state he has never been sent a vagina pic before, it seems entirely possible.
"Answer me this, is there a butthole in this picture?"
Welp, looks like Jonathan got too "bored" to make it past 11 snatch-shots. It never fails to surprise me when men finish prematurely.
What the hell, dude? Janet got through 89 dicks and you can't make it to 12 twats? No one was asking you to jerk off to these. What happened to the intrepid spirit these videos were supposed to inspire? Get back in there and attend to those 78 kitty candids. We'll be waiting here.
(by Myka Fox)
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Criminal genius robs bank naked, gets caught putting clothes back on in basement.
Not pictured here: everything you're picturing in your head right now.
(via Winnebago County Sheriff's Office)
A guy walks into a bank with a loaded gun and his swinging dick. Which do you look at last? His face. That's my best guess, anyway, as to the logic that led Ezekial Deanda, 32, to rob an Associated Bank buck-naked on Friday in Rockford, IL.
Why he decided to rob a bank at all is anyone's guess (and, let's face it, probably not as hilarious), but props to him for choosing one that starts with "Ass."
Even more mysterious was his choice of escape route. After appearing to have run off successfully with the cash, Deanda was found "moments later" putting his clothes back on in the bank's basement restroom.
Having been caught fair and square by Rockford's finest, the criminal mastermind went quietly. Just kidding, he spat in officers' faces as they forcibly removed him from his bathroom hideout.
If you live in the Rockford area and are concerned that you or someone you loves has come into contact with bills that touched Deanda's butt, take comfort in the fact that our currency rubs up against far more vile things on a daily basis.
(by Johnny McNulty)
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A guy who lost his fantasy league had to create this awesomely embarrassing calendar.
Never underestimate the heart of a loser.(via)
Anyone in a fantasy football league knows that winning is a big deal. Losing, however, is usually pretty easy. You're out a hundred bucks or so, which seems like a small price to pay for something that can make a game between the Browns and the Jaguars feel like the Super Bowl. That's the point of most fantasy leagues.
Some leagues, though, take winning and losing seriously, like the league that Instagram user allstern is in. I don't know what the winner received, but the cost of coming in last place was making a calendar with recreations of iconic pop culture moments featuring allstern.
I know it's supposed to be a punishment of sorts, but the end result is so spectacular, it might encourage tanking.
Of course there's Miley, because Photoshop probably has a Wrecking Ball filter at this point.
The Prince Fielder tribute is a Grand Slam (breakfast).
This one is so natural, it looks like he could've taken it years ago.
Some like it hot. Some prefer this.
Looks like it'll be a long, awkward June for everyone in his league.
Better luck next year, dude. And thanks for losing like a champ.
You can see the rest of the calendar here.
(by Jonathan Corbett)
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Only way.
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More Pages to Explore .....
