Performance Review for Winter: Q1 2015
Precipitation: Satisfactory
Winter's numbers truly excelled in this sector, specifically in the northeast region. Unfortunately, many of these deliverables were later than initially projected based on past performance.
(Via: People are posting photos from last night's snowstorm in Buffalo, NY, and it was fascinatingly insane.)
Temperature: Excellent
This year, Winter really went above and beyond normal responsibilities. It didn't have to reinvent the wheel. Instead, there was an impressive return to this department's bread and butter: bitter cold.
Interior Destruction: Excellent
Thanks to a strong showing in the precipitation quadrant, nearly every week of winter brought its street team, rock salt, into homes across the country.
(Via: People are posting photos from last night's snowstorm in Buffalo, NY, and it was fascinatingly insane.)
Depression-Inducement: Excellent
While other seasons still rely on things like the preponderance of weddings or having to go back to school to prompt depression, Winter achieves this easily, allowing time for other projects like flu epidemics and power outages.
(Via: The best examples of people making the most of a cold situation.)
Cooperation/Working with Others: Unsatisfactory
At the close of this quarter, winter could have exhibited more compromise with its coworker spring, which normally handles the workflow in this time period.
(Via: This heroic cat jumped through a wall of snow to rescue food from not being eaten.)
Holidays: Satisfactory
Winter came out the gate strong this quarter with perennial favorites like Christmas and New Years Eve, not to mention the office-closing Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Presidents Day, and the unofficial holiday that is Superbowl Sunday. The weak point, however, is Valentines Day, which still leads the entire organization in tears, bad sex, and suicide threats.
Projections for Q1 2016:
While winter exhibited unprecedented enthusiasm and dedication to its department this quarter, the long-term predictions for its performance are uncertain. With the changing landscape thanks to the uncontrollable influence of global warming, winter will either lose marketshare or become the industry leader as the earth becomes either a superheated ocean or frozen hellscape thanks to a second ice age.
(Via: Celebrate winter's end with two snowmen murdering each other with roman candles.)