A Twitter user noticed that these sandals would call you something terrible if you wore them the wrong way.

Now, hang on a second, @ASOS. So, if I have my legs crossed, then... oh. pic.twitter.com/r39XK5vkKD
— Ferdinand Kingsley (@ferdosnandos) July 13, 2015

These YRU Nile Slide Flat Sandals from ASOS are pretty cool, as long as you keep your feet together. They look comfortable, they're casual chic, and they let the world know you're dope. But Twitter user Ferdinand Kingsley pointed out an unfortunate design flaw: if you cross your legs while wearing them, they'll say "pedo." As in "pedophile." That's less chic.

Artist's interpretation. I'm the artist.(via ASOS)

The worst would be if you wore them and repeatedly crossed and uncrossed your legs. Then you'd just be flashing the phrase "dope pedo" at everyone who saw you. That would be almost as creepy as repeatedly crossing and uncrossing your legs.

ASOS's only response to the controversy was to point out that "pedo" isn't a word. But if that's true, then neither is "dope." Try harder, ASOS.

Pretty normal for a stranger. For a little brother, though, this demands mockery.

Nothing attracts the mockery of your family more than an attempt to look cooler than they know you really are, especially if you are the youngest. That's what happened to this kid, who tried to take the Tinder-worthy selfie you see above with his new phone, only to have the image spotted by his dad and older brothers. Doing their duty as the older males, they immediately stole his shirt and beanie to recreate his sultry pose. They then posted it on reddit, where it blew up.

The dad's name is Carl. That's the only name we know, and the only name we need to know.

A picture like this is too much fun for the boys to keep to themselves, however, and apparently the women in this family also need Internet karma, because they appeared on reddit a little while later with their own recreation of their baby brother's beauty photo.

The family that viciously mocks their youngest member together, stays together.

There are two more sisters who have yet to appear in the photos, but I think we can all agree that this family has already succeeded in making sure the youngest boy won't try to boost his own self-esteem again for a long, long time.

Some people have theorized that this is an elaborate HTC One ad. To those people, I say "Maybe. How can we even tell anymore? I can't think of a way out of this prison of paid content, so please let me enjoy my ignorance in bliss." Other people just wonder why we care that other humans are having fun and goofing around. To them, I say "Thank you for your insightful Facebook comments."

(by Johnny McNulty)

This is creating dangerous associations with tooth loss.

We're not talking about the earrings. (via Farrah Abraham)

Hey, Farrah Abraham is rich. She's rich for having a kid as a Teen Mom. Really rich people do weird stuff with money and if she's coming under fire for leaving her daughter, Sophia, $600 dollars for two front teeth, it's because she tweeted it to the universe. Old Money doesn't tell the world when they give their kids new ponies for getting their first haircut. That's a very Nouveau Riche move, Farrah!

Any reality TV celebrity is generally divisive and Farrah likes to court controversy. She'll be appearing on an upcoming episode of Botched, to talk about when she messed up her lips real bad, so maybe she threw up something to get the interwebs talking about her again? At least she has a sense of humor about the lip thing:

Gotta love my new look pic.twitter.com/C9OAOv6Yl3

— Farrah Abraham (@F1abraham) January 6, 2015

Six hundred dollars is a lot for two teeth, granted. And it's also kind of lazy: six one hundred dollar bills? Get some singles and make it rain! Here's a pic where it looks like her daughter is trying to roll around in cash, but there's not even enough bills there to make a doll pillow:

We'll see what happens when her wisdom teeth come out. A gold bathtub full of ice cream?

A day after the news broke, the rapper broke his silence with this image.

Times are hard out here LMAO #EFFENVODKA #FRIGO #SMSAUDIO
A photo posted by 50 Cent (@50cent) on Jul 13, 2015 at 9:43pm PDT

In case you missed the billions of "25 cent" jokes on the Internet yesterday, you should know that 50 Cent filed for bankruptcy. 50 had no comment when the news broke, but today he finally weighed in – on Instagram, of course. He posted this uncharacteristically self-deprecating joke that had us giggling despite ourselves.

No word on whether that's actually 50's Smart Car, or if he just borrowed it for the pic. I have a feeling he's going to be borrowing a lot of stuff in the near future.

Caroline Starmer claims a Primark security guard took a baby out of her arms in the store, but Primark says there's no proof.

The face of a mom who can't freaking believe it.(via Leicester Mercury)

This mom was shopping at popular U.K. store, Primark, when her baby started to get fussy. She describes the nightmare chain of events that followed:

It reads:

My 9.5 month old daughter started crying, needing a feed and the queues were pretty long, so to save my daughter the upset, and the other customers too, I decided to find a quiet spot out the way of others and feed her discreetly. Within 5 minutes of doing so, I was approached by a security guard who asked me to vacate the premises to feed my daughter. I stood my ground and stated my rights, that I can legally feed where I want.. Just for the security officer to physically remove my daughter from my breast and walk down the store with her, saying if I wanted my daughter, then I was to come and get her. Obviously, I went and retrieved my daughter as soon as my senses got the better of me. And I went straight to the local police station afterwards to lodge a complaint.
My husband has been on the phone to the assistant manager of the primark store on and off all afternoon, and they said they would investigate it. However, since he admitted he could see me on cctv, he hasn't called back since. My confidence is shot, and my poor daughter hasn't been herself all afternoon.

Her post got an enormous amount of attention and Primark started investigating. This was a spokesman's statement to BuzzFeed News:

We have investigated this customer's allegation which we naturally take very seriously indeed. The CCTV footage, reviewed by store management, shows the customer in the Leicester store quite clearly during the time in question. We can see no evidence that she was approached by anyone during this period.

We have spoken to the security guards on duty. They categorically deny behaving in the way alleged. Furthermore the individuals do not fit the description given by the customer.

We have therefore concluded that the customer allegation is not supported by the available evidence to date. The company would obviously be happy to work with any police investigation into this incident, should this be needed.

This is a very intense example of He Said, She Said. If there's no proof, there's not much anyone can do, right? Still, if it's true, then holeeeeee sh*t, that is f*cked up! Lots of men (and women, to be fair) seem to take umbrage with public breastfeeding. Many have taken it upon themselves to shame mothers who are doing it. But to actually take a baby RIGHT OFF THE TIT is absolutely bananas!

Hopefully, if Starmer's story can't be corroborated by CCTV, there were some witnesses to her running after an entitled kidnapper with her boob out. For the purposes of justice, not humiliation. And if, somehow, Primark is vindicated, then at least we can get mad at this lady for diminishing the stories of moms who have experienced real outrages in her search for viral fame.Whatever happened, let's all agree to never do anything like this going forward. Okay? Okay.

New Horizons' flyby this morning yielded completely unprecedented views of Pluto, King of the Kuiper Belt. Our understanding has been forever transformed. Some people also tweeted about it.

Watch, now Pluto will get instantly verified! #bulls{replace2}amp;t
— Chris Regan (@ChrisRRegan) July 14, 2015

First, let's just get this out of the way: what earlier this week people were calling the "heart" of Pluto has now been co-opted as an imaginary outline of the Disney character Pluto.

The best thing about the Pluto image from NASA today is the silhouette of Pluto the dog right on it. pic.twitter.com/hVqD5QTwGz
— Scott Johnson (@scottjohnson) July 14, 2015

It's really Pluto! pic.twitter.com/Ny5stq3YD5
— Helge Bjørkhaug (@astrohelge) July 14, 2015

Personally, I prefer Kawaii Pluto.

Pluto is so cute pic.twitter.com/tR72H571lo
— BFF (@YrBFF) July 14, 2015

Messing with the photo was a favorite way to go with Pluto jokes this morning:

It looks like Pluto JUST got the Spice Girls. pic.twitter.com/2Elm36GZM7
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) July 14, 2015

but what if they kept getting closer and closer and every photograph of pluto they took still looked like this pic.twitter.com/z8F20ov94Y
— Harrison Lemke (@hplemke) July 14, 2015

This color enhanced view of Pluto is staggering pic.twitter.com/TTuHzfAshi
— kevinbiegel (@kbiegel) July 14, 2015

Most of the jokes were pretty corny, but when you're dealing with astronomy and the choice between Disney and Greek mythology, that's to be expected.

Pluto discovered to be more goofy then expected on this mickey mouse exploration trip of theirs.
— PyrionFlax (@PyrionFlax) July 14, 2015

I think that should be "goofier," but whatever.

Girl are you Pluto 'cause I can't stop looking at this pic of you
— matt (@biorhythmist) July 14, 2015

You distance yourself from people and they just try harder to connect with you. So frustrating when you want some space. I get it, Pluto.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) July 14, 2015

Many focused on Pluto's demotion:

Poor Pluto. (cc:@neiltyson) #PlutoFlybypic.twitter.com/Xz0Lsa5YcI
— The Daily Dot (@dailydot) July 14, 2015

When you're flying by Pluto pic.twitter.com/QsTG1IgsZN
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) July 14, 2015

NASA reached Pluto for the first time ever & I cannot wait to see the look on its big dumb face when we tell it it's not even a planet.
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) July 14, 2015

I love how @NASA's flying by Pluto even though they dropped it as a planet, yet it's still not okay for me to circle an ex's house all night
— Lauren Reeves (@laurenreeves) July 14, 2015

Others went the vaguely topical or just esoteric route.

Very excited to see which blog pays for the natural, un-retouched photos of Pluto.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) July 14, 2015

should we keep pluto sanctions
— Trudeau Googles (@TrudeauGoogles) July 14, 2015

Breaking: Pluto has announced that it plans to run for President in 2016
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) July 14, 2015

Great to see Pluto again after all this time, but hard to believe it turned out to be racist.
— Daniel Radosh (@danielradosh) July 14, 2015

Mostly, it was a lot of people retweeting that picture of Pluto with the Disney character on it.

Next person who posts a pic of Pluto the dog is getting their shit pushed in
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) July 14, 2015

Something is going on here, and we have to get to the bottom of it. Nevermind, we don't.

E! is reporting that Bethenny Frankel and Eric Stonestreet are dating. Huh??? People says that they're just friends. What??? And Bethenny is tweeting sarcastically under the hashtag #somanyboyfriendssolittletime. What are we to make of all this?

What do we know? We have Bethenny Frankel, a Real Housewives of New York star and founder of a successful brand based around how awesome it is to be skinny. Then we have Eric Stonestreet, a comedic actor on Modern Family. We don't know either of them in real life, and they haven't directly told us anything about their romantic lives, nor would they have any reason to.

E! reports that an eyewitness saw the pair together at a Dodgers game, and posits that these tweets from Bethenny are about her relationship with Stonestreet.

I'm very happy right now. It took me a minute but I'm here. Xo

— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny) July 11, 2015

I've really changed my mind on something: i think if u have a great textual banter, compatibility is likely.

— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny) July 13, 2015

Compelling! But wait...

Frankel says she was never at the Dodgers game. Another stunning twist.

Wow #somanyboyfriendssolittletime How did I manage to be at a @Dodgers game & be in the Hamptons at the same time?!!! @ericstonestreet

— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny) July 14, 2015

That's a definite denial, which means nothing, and everything. Maybe none of this means anything. Maybe nothing means anything. Anyway, back to celebrity dating rumors.

Apparently, the pair was spotted at a party together in New York in May, plus Stonestreet has posted an Instagram featuring Bethenny.

Took a picture of these 2 randos today. @caroleradziwill @bethennyfrankel

A photo posted by Eric Stonestreet (@ericstonestreet) on May 23, 2015 at 3:08pm PDT

This could mean a lot of things, because people post Instagrams of people who they're dating and people who they're not dating. But they definitely know each other. And they definitely don't know us.

Great news: Tracy Morgan is out and about.

This is a stylin' way to announce you're recovered. (via Steve Lacy)

News anchor Steve Lacy spotted Morgan over the weekend cruising down 5th Avenue. Lacy first noticed an amazing silver Lamborghini, and then realized who was in the driver's seat.

Morgan has been recovering out of the public eye since he was in a really bad car accident a year ago. But thankfully, he seems to be doing a lot better now. Last month, he gave his first interview since the crash. And now, he's back on the road.

According to Lacy, Jordan told him he was "feeling well" and "being careful behind the wheel." He also flashed him a peace sign.

It's wonderful to see Morgan looking healthy, and hopefully he'll be back to his old self soon.

Abandon all hope of ever finding the human body sexy again, ye who enter here.

Made from fast-drying microfiber developed by NASA. (via Blogspot)

Humans. Deep down, they really want to be naked, but even deeper down, they are terrified of being naked. Even deeper down then that, they just want everyone to look at them even if the attention is negative. Humans have issues. Those issues are on ful display in this list, as the conflicting desires to be naked, not be naked, and attract attention even at the cost of making everyone hate them come together to form the ugliest goddamn bathing suits we've ever seen. Nudity would be classier, and an Amish frock would be sexier. Don't do this.

A solar-powered bikini: the green option for electrocuting yourself. (via The Richest)

It's kind of feminist if you think about it. (via Imgur)

Instagram banned it. (via Pinterest)

He killed and skinned the leopard himself. (via FAXO)

For some reason, this screams "Tim Burton's Batman Movies." (via Oddee)

"Oh, my grandma can knit much more than scarves." (via Imgur)

"I held onto a rope, twirled around a bunch, and BOOM! High fashion." (via Blogspot)

This bacon bikini can instantly turn into a birthday suit if you're hungry. (via The Richest)

All the excitement of novelty 1970s platform shoes, with none of the class.
(via BikiniDisasters.com)

You've seen the Apple Watch, now witness the Apple This-Is-Why-We-Started-The-Neighborhood-Watch. (via Pinterest)

It's like a ghost is trying to save us from seeing her boobs.(via Heavy.com)

"If anyone else tries to float in my pool I shall tear them to shreds." (via Oddee)

You have ruined ducks and boobs for me and it shant be forgiven. (via BikiniDisasters.com)

Possibly a malfunction, but at least they don't have to worry about being tailgated.
(via Hollywood Life)

If CDs weren't already dead, this would be the point at which they commit suicide.
(via Pinterest)

Our only consolation is that this somehow sold out. (via BlackMilkClothing)

Business in the front, open for business in the back. (via PacificJock)

It's like a Vera Bradley bag came to life and was also an idiot.
(via TheOrchidBoutique)

Heads up: This next one is pretty much just a dick. Sure, there's something on the dick, but this next one is NSFW. I'm going to say that again: there is a dick-sock rapidly approaching your eyeballs. You have been warned.

Ok you've had plenty of chances to click away.

I don't see what else you could have expected. It's a dick sock. (via Fierth)

Honorable Mention: Body Hair Bikini

Well, after that last one, this guy is practically oozing class. (via BikiniDisasters.com)

It's like a Make-a-Wish foundation story but without the life-threatening illness.

"We're all Foo Fighters inside." (via YouTube)

Foo Fighters frontman and self-appointed rock god Dave Grohl made a fan's night at a show in Toronto a few days ago. He spotted someone in the audience holding up a sign that said "It's my birthday, can I play drums?" Grohl took him up on his offer and invited him to the stage. The fan's name was Anthony Bifolchi and he was celebrating his 18th birthday. He wanted to play along with "Best of You," but like a rocker in his forties who uses outdated slang, Grohl told him, "That's the last one we're gonna play tonight, ding dong!" Instead, Grohl had him play along to "Big Me," a song from Foo Fighters' first album. Before the song started, Grohl warned him:

"It's the easiest one. If you fuck this up, you're gonna look like a total fucking asshole."

You can watch a video of the performance below. Bifolchi could definitely keep up. I'm not a big Foo Fighters fan, but it sounded okay, you know, for a Foo Fighters song.

Bifolchi later tweeted about it:

So that just happened. Playing on stage with my hero's .. Thank you for an unforgettable experience. @foofighters#BigMe
— Anthony Bifolchi (@AnthonyBifolchi) July 10, 2015

Peak hotness was achieved, but when?

Justin Basl took a selfie a day for a year to capture the growth of his beard, and then he made a Youtube video out of it with some mopey music. It's a pretty standard selfie compilation, with one big twist: his hotness ebbs and flows as his facial hair grows.

But when does his attractiveness peak? Youtube commenters had strong opinions.

Was it now?

Or now?

Is anyone else into this fella?

You decide.

Lesson #1: People will take things away from you suddenly and knock you down. What's important is how you get back up.

Lesson #2: After you get back up, prepare to be knocked right back down.

Clearly, by the way the dad runs over afterwards, he did not mean to flatten his kid with the harsh reality of life. Nevertheless, the Internet has seized upon this gif as the visual description of what it's like to find out about the world. The only real question is why he made that first kick. Did he mean for both his fast blue son and slower orange son to faceplant? I think he thought they would just chase it, and he didn't react to their fall because he has kids and kids fall constantly because they're dumb and their heads are huge and unwieldy.

Like a surprising number of videos in 2015, this clip originally reached the Web through AFV, which is a good contender for "Top 90s Brand You Never Thought Would Be Relevant In The Internet Age."

Like all of us, David Sikorski was tired of his Facebook feed being full of trite engagement photos. He fought back by staging some engagements photos with his one true love: a giant burrito.

The couple is from San Francisco, where David is a writer. The burrito is a San Francisco native, having been born at Taqueria La Cumbre in the city's Mission District. With photographer Kristina Bakrevski, their love was captured in a series of photos taken at San Francisco's most iconic spots, which are the same ones dual-human couples use for their engagement photos.

At the Golden Gate Bridge. (Via Buzzfeed)

Frolicking on Ocean Beach. (Via Buzzfeed)

At the Palace of Fine Arts. (Via Buzzfeed)

In the Full House opening credits. (Via Buzzfeed)

On the cable cars! (Via Buzzfeed)

Tragically, the burrito was eaten in the middle of the shoot when Dave "got hungry," but he quickly learned to love again with a new, identical burrito, and the shoot resumed. The couple have not yet set a date. (More photos are available at Buzzfeed.)

There are only, like, three places you shouldn't ever masturbate. One of them is behind the wheel of a car, as an English woman recently learned when she struck a seafood delivery van from behind.

There are very few elements of this story that can we can express with a work-safe photo.
(Via YouTube)

The woman in question, whose name has not been released by police, needed to kill some time while she was stuck in traffic in Circencester, England. Because it's both criminal and wrong to poke around on your phone behind the wheel, she decided instead to poke around herself, busting out a Rampant Rabbit vibrator and taking her pleasure into her own hands. She got carried away, lifted her foot off the brake slightly, and her Mini Cooper rammed the vehicle in front of her, an M&J Seafood delivery van.

The poor guy driving the van was working his first day on the job after a long stretch of unemployment. He was worried he was going to get fired, until his boss told him that they have a security camera on the van, which picked up every detail. Every hot and dirty detail. (The video was not released to the public.)

Anyone with a cat, a camera, and an intense dislike of Donald Trump can get on board.

#TrumpYourCat Cientos de usuarios en las redes sociales no aguantaron las ganas de peinar a sus gatos como Donald Trump bajo la nueva tendencia. Para ver las imágenes, haz clic en el link en nuestro bio
A photo posted by WNJU47 (@telemundo47) on Jul 14, 2015 at 12:29pm PDT

Sometimes it's disappointing that with all the things to criticize Donald Trump for, the most popular target is his terrifyingly elaborate combover. If he weren't as ugly on the inside as he is on the outside, it would even be mean! Oh, well, he is. Here are a bunch of hilarious posts from the new hashtag #TrumpYourCat, in which cat lovers who are also Donald Trump haters sweep up all the hairy leavings from their pets and plop them on the tolerant animals' heads, much like Trump's stylist does. Except Donald Trump is an intolerant animal.

#trumpyourcat
A photo posted by Tom Merrill (@18holesmaine) on Jul 14, 2015 at 12:39pm PDT

#missmarbles #catsofinstagram #bluesteel #trumpyourcat
A photo posted by Lisa (@amala_22) on Jul 14, 2015 at 12:27pm PDT

Me. I'm always up for a good challenge. Today it was #trumpyourcat check out this hashtag I can't stop laughing
A photo posted by Paula L (@paintingmom) on Jul 14, 2015 at 11:15am PDT

Pudge takes the @trumpyourcat phenomenon to new heights #pudgethecat #trumpyourcat
A photo posted by Pudge (@pudgethecat) on Jul 14, 2015 at 10:12am PDT

"We should have invaded Mexico." - @realdonaldtrump via @lucipurrthetux
A photo posted by Donald Purrump (@trumpyourcat) on Jul 14, 2015 at 1:20am PDT

@trumpyourcat #Trumpyourcat #catsofinstagram The hashtag that's brushing the nation
A photo posted by Adrienne Tollas (@heeydrienne) on Jul 13, 2015 at 7:21pm PDT

Nixie the right choice, or something. #trumpyourcat #nixie #creative #follow #nixiethecat #trump #election #2016 #hair
A photo posted by Scotland Symons (@leveltwentythree) on Jul 14, 2015 at 11:08am PDT

These cats are the REAL Americans!