Quantcast
Channel: someecards.com
Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live

Someone tracked how ridiculously women's clothing sizes have changed since the 1950s.

$
0
0

If you've ever tried on a vintage dress that's four sizes larger than what you normally wear and found yourself unable to zip it up, you might've thought something like "Holy shit, people used to be tiny! We're all giant horror people now!" But the truth is that we're only sort of giant horror people. Rather, the bigger influence on the difference in numbers is vanity sizing, the practice of moving clothing sizes lower so people feel better about what size they wear.

When people ask you what size you are, you can say, "I'm a 1958 16." If, y'know, you want to be a confusing weirdo.

According to the Washington Post, in 1958, "Women's sizes ranged from 8 to 42. A size 8 woman had a bust of 31 inches, a 23.5 inch waist, and a weight of 98 pounds." But "the measurements that added up to a size 12 in 1958 would get redefined to a size 6 by 2011." Great news! That means that if you're a size 6 now, by 2064, you'll be a 0. And if you're a size 0 today, you'll be a -6, and everyone will complement you on how you don't even exist.

Incidentally, the 1958 measurements were ridiculous in the first place. They were based off of a survey of 15,000 women that was undertaken the goal of figuring out standard measurements for all ladies. But what the survey actually discovered is that lady bods vary so much that they defy standardization. Still, the National Bureau of Standards used survey data to publish... well, standards. And as any person who has ever gone shopping can tell you, clothing companies have been blatantly ignoring those standards ever since. So one thing is certain, no matter what our body type is or how much vanity sizing changes things: we'll never be sure what size to grab off the rack.


This guy got disgusting, near-fatal spider bite while on an airplane.

$
0
0

Jonathon Hogg, a barrister from London, was bitten by a brown recluse spider while flying from Qatar to South Africa. The brown recluse is notorious for being one of the world's most deadly spiders—its venom literally eats your flesh. He said he felt a "small, sharp bite" on the Qatar Airways flight, and then saw a spider scurry across the floor. 

This is scarier than a shark.

His leg "ballooned" and "turned black," and by the time he got to the hospital, it was "bursting" open. The doctors told him he was lucky that he came to the hospital when he did—he could have lost a leg, or worse, he could have died. They had to cut out part of his leg, which could potentially prevent him from ever participating in his hobby of playing sports again. He was in the middle of a five month vacation from work, and had to stay in the hospital for a month and spend the next three months recovering. The incident happened in June, and he is now suing the airline over it. They had the following to say:

The only known interaction between the airline and Mr. Hogg regarding this incident, which he claims happened on a Qatar Airways aircraft in June, was via our website a week after his travel was complete [...] No report was filled with any staff on board regarding this incident. [...] We have also not been advised of any legal proceedings regarding this incident. In the circumstances we cannot comment further but will, of course, investigate any further information which is brought to our attention formally. [...] Qatar Airways takes the safety and security of our passengers very seriously.

You can see a picture of his bite, but be we warn you. It's super, super graphic and disgusting. NSFW disgusting. But if you insist...

Watch Cosmo put placenta face masks on guys without telling them.

$
0
0

If you're a woman, and thus constantly assaulted with advertisements for how to fix your disgusting body and face, you are probably not surprised that placenta face masks exist. If anything, you're probably surprised that nobody is selling a spa treatment yet that just consists of rubbing a newborn baby on your face. But if you're a dude, you might be less aware of companies' desperate attempts to take your money in exchange for creams, serums, exfoliators, lotions, powders, brushes, and bizarre injections. I'm guessing that's why, when Cosmo asked these men to try face masks, none of them had any idea that they were putting placenta on their faces. And oh boy, they were not pleased about that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5D2viUbYix4

 

Denmark needs babies, so travel agencies want grandchild-less moms to send kids on sex trips.

$
0
0

The big blonde Danes are apparently too busy enjoying their socialist utopia to have sex, which is sparking a bit of a population panic in their country, one the Spies Travel agency is happy to capitalize on with their Do It For Denmark campaign. In this slightly unnerving promotion, the agency has created the Spies Parent Purchase promotion, which encourages wannabe grandmothers (and presumably grandfathers) to send their offspring on a sunny vacation f***fest. It's super sexy, kind of sweet, and very funny, especially the part with the shish kabob:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B00grl3K01g

This is actually the second commercial in the series. Here's the first:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrO3TfJc9Qw

Why aren't our commercials like this? Whenever US commercials try to be sexy, even for couples vacations, it just seems kinda...thirsty. Just a little too horny, y'know? Maybe the mom humor makes the raunchiness more fun? Or maybe we just can't show that kind of thing on TV here. Anyway, I need to have an awkward talk with my mom about moving to Denmark.

Introducing "HR Violations" — an animated web series from Someecards and Above Average!

$
0
0

Humor sites Someecards and Above Average have joined forces to create your favorite new time-waster, "HR Violations." The series takes place in an office filled with bizarre, inappropriate, self-obsessed, sociopathic employees — just like yours!

WATCH THE FIRST THREE EPISODES BELOW! (THEY'RE REALLY SHORT.)

If you like, love, hate, and/or have no feelings about them at all, let us know! We appreciate almost any feedback. Get started now on killing roughly six minutes of your workday!

 

"Jadon"
Abby finds creative solutions for a coworker's Internet issues.

https://youtu.be/WPSuSolIdag

 

"Jessica"
Abby helps a coworker register an office relationship.

https://youtu.be/1Fq4NbZCuzE

 

"Walter"
Abby gets help with choosing summer interns.

https://youtu.be/mCaHvEPGLDY

 

"HR Violations"
Created By: Brook Lundy and Dan Wilbur 
Cast: Arielle Siegel, Jo Firestone, Jeremy Bent, Don Fanelli
Writers: Brook Lundy, Dan Wilbur, Anna Rubanova, Jason Mustian, Jake Currie
Producer: Josh Poole 
Producer: Anna Rubanova 
Animator: Leah Shore 
VO Director: Anna Rubanova 
Mixer: Adam Bozarth 
Music: "WickY WicKY" by DJ Matty Klein

Workplace

Black Simon & Garfunkel and Garfunkel sing The Weeknd's "Can't Feel My Face."

Tom Hanks, America's dad, ponders life's big questions with Colbert.

$
0
0

Why do bad things happen to good people? What does Santa do during the summer? Is the solar system just an atom on a giant's finger?

In a new segment on his new show, Stephen Colbert lies down with stars to look at the stars and ask life's big questions. There's a lot you can learn about both Tom Hanks and the universe itself: if he had a time machine, he would "go back in time and hold [himself] as a baby"... and have the baby kill Hitler so he can both prevent millions of death and strengthen the baby's job prospects. He also has a pitch for an excellent action movie: look out for "In the Line of Fur" coming to a theater near you. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZa2P7XMFKU

 


Audiences are literally barfing at Joseph Gordon-Levitt's new movie.

$
0
0

While (500) Days of Summer might drive people to vomit because of Manic Pixie Dream Girl cheesiness, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's new movie, The Walkis physically triggering all sorts of nausea. The Walk reenacts the famous journey of Philippe Petit (played by Gordon-Levitt) who walked between the Twin Towers on a highwire in 1974.

Petit's life was chronicled in the Oscar-winning documentary Man on Wire, but The Walk's director Robert Zemeckis wanted to present the walk itself. "[The goal] was to evoke the feeling of vertigo. We worked really hard to put the audience up on those towers and on the wire," he said.

Journalist Mark Harris reports from the men's bathroom at the New York Film Festival screening of the film that people were hurling in the stalls.

https://twitter.com/MarkHarrisNYC/status/648279067578515456

He was safe, because he took his anti-nausea medication beforehand.

https://twitter.com/MarkHarrisNYC/status/647807242654363648

The extreme heights in 3D might just be giving everyone vertigo. 

Lucille 2 better skip this one. 

Here's the trailer to watch once you've taken Gravol:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GR1EmTKAWIw

 

Kim Kardashian shared a behind-the-scenes photo of North and Ellen Degeneres playing My Little Pony.

$
0
0

Kim Kardashian gave fans a glimpse into what really goes on behind the scenes of a professional TV show: Ellen Degeneres plays My Little Pony with a toddler. Kim K. appeared on Ellen yesterday, which obviously is old news that left us less sure than ever about whether her new baby will or will not be named Easton. According to this new Instagram photo, prior to filming, Ellen took some time to adorably chill with Kim's daughter, North West. Kardashian wrote in the caption, "Who saw @TheEllenShow today? Well this is right before I went on...Northie & Ellen brushing My Little Pony's hair lol." This is pretty cute, and also reassuring, because it would be devastating if Ellen wasn't good with kids.

https://instagram.com/p/8R4PK9OS6T/

 

A pregnant woman got demoted at work because her boss thought she was "going to be stupid."

$
0
0

Writer and mother Teresa Finocchio (yes, we know it rhymes with Pinocchio, let's move on), worked happily for the same restaurant and catering company from the time she was 19 until she was 27. Then, she got pregnant, and everything changed

Which of these things would she rather be holding?

Teresa told her story on the blog Breastfeeding World, writing:

At this point, I had co-worked with the same boss everyday from the age of 19 to 27. Family events, birthdays, holidays…all were spent together. My life during those ages, as most people’s are, was incredibly hard with college, a sick father, divorcing parents, a cheating boyfriend and eventually the loss of my father. I will say that he worked very well with me through all these things, so, after 2 years of a new healthy relationship and a baby on the way, the first thing I thought about my boss, was how well he was going to support me through this next chapter. Nope, wrong.

Just days before I told him the news, he was telling me all the new opportunities he had for me in the business (he was moving into a local country club). The same day I sat him down to tell him the news (by the way, I told him when I was less than 6 weeks pregnant!), he called in an old employee to come in for a meeting to come back to work. Red flag? Within the next two weeks things drastically changed. 

She says that her boss quickly began reducing her responsibilities and taking her off future events, until she basically didn't have a job left. His reasoning? Pregnancy would make her too stupid to work!

At one point I sat down with him and he said to me “I cannot have you forgetting things here (and this was not after I forgot something). You’re going to be stupid, just like [my wife] was. But it’s not your fault”, he said, “all the blood is going to your uterus and not your brain…this just happens to pregnant people”. Whaaaaat?

Teresa was lucky, in the sense that her husband encouraged her to quit a job that had begun to make her miserable and is now a happy stay-at-home mom. A lot of preggo ladies being discriminated against in the workplace don't have that option. After handing in her resignation and offering to train a replacement, her boss of 8 years ultimately fired her in the middle of a shift, unceremoniously telling her to leave her key on the desk. But she has a message for him:

I have not heard from him since (or his wife) but if he were to read this blog I would like to tell him that I learned a lot in those years, I made memories and friends, I thoroughly enjoyed my pregnancy and I am doing well, I have a beautiful baby daughter who I LOVE being a stay at home mom to (thanks!), and most of all, I would really like to tell him to, “Baciomi culo“.

That's "kiss my ass" in Italian, just in case you're ever pregnant and dealing with an ignorant boss.

Honey Boo Boo released a rap song and video in case you want to hate music forever.

$
0
0

Honey Boo Boo has released a rap song and video for her musical debut. She released it under her real name, Alana Thompson, presumably in an attempt to transition from a noble career in acting to a seriously focused career in music. The song is called "Movin' Up," and features far too many appearances by her family members Mama June Shannon and Lauryn "Pumpkin" Shannon. The video was done in partnership with Adam Barta, a viral video artist who produces music with reality stars. Apparently that's an actual job.

Her reality star past and interpersonal relationships serve as her lyrical muse; her words are raw, transgressive, and interweave seamlessly with the hypnotic, percussion-heavy pop melody that drives a breakout performance. Just kidding! It's as bad as you'd imagine:

I'm just a small town girl, living in my princess world. When rainy days give me the blues, I break out my dancing shoes. Started out as a pageant queen, then on TV doing my thing. Now movin' up in the world, new fun times with my girls. 

 

The most difficult thing about watching this video is that we have to wait patiently for the entire album to be released. After acting and singing, Honey Boo Boo will naturally move on to powerful roles in directing and producing.

These guys hit jello with tennis rackets and filmed it in super slow motion because they love you.

$
0
0

Hitting jello (or as they call it, "jelly") with tennis rackets is the latest stroke of genius from Gav and Dan, the Slow Mo Guys.  But it's not the first – we've been obsessed with these guys and their videos for a long time. Of course, no one can forget the man in a giant water balloon, but since then they've also entertained us with their pyromaniac-friendly match head bomb and water on a grease fire videos, as well as the delightfully cringeworthy taser on bare skin. But this latest entry is uniquely satisfying for people who love watching goo get smashed (everyone).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mZovjRlkWs

Feel free to watch this on repeat until you're fired from your job. It'll be worth it.

Meryl Streep's answer to whether she's a feminist is super disappointing.

$
0
0

In her new film Suffragette, iconic goddess of intelligent beauty Meryl Streep plays Emmeline Pankhurst, who led British women to get the right to vote. As British Susan B. Anthony, Streep embodies the struggle for women's rights, and the fact that it's an entirely female film is huge. 

But despite her activism on and off screen, Meryl Streep still doesn't identify as a feminist. In an interview with Time Out Londonthis exchange transpired.

Are you a feminist?
‘I am a humanist, I am for nice easy balance.’

Meryl's response is not #OnStreep, which is a better, cooler term for "On Fleek" coined by Lin-Manuel Miranda. Many celebrities are hesitant to call themselves feminists because they think it implies being militant or a matriarchal bias, but at its core, feminism is just straight-up about equality (or a "nice easy balance").

Despite Streep's reluctance to say that she is feminist, everything she says in the interview is undoubtedly feminist.

What’s the most annoying question women get asked in interviews that men don’t get asked?
‘“You often play very strong women… Why do you choose…? Blah blah blah.” No man is ever asked: “You often play very strong men. Why?” It would be an absurd question.’

What single thing would you change about the film industry to make it less sexist?
‘Men should look at the world as if something is wrong when their voices predominate. They should feel it. People at agencies and studios, including the parent boards, might look around the table at the decision-making level and feel something is wrong if half their participants are not women. Because our tastes are different, what we value is different. Not better, different.’

Meryl, don't be afraid of the F-Word!

Article 40


15 couples Halloween costumes that won't make your single friends hate you.

$
0
0

Congratulations on being in a loving, trusting, committed relationship. Now comes the true test of your commitment: Can you handle a themed couples costume for Halloween? Surely you love each other as much as these people do.

1. Lego people.

A gentleman always brings flowers.

2. Bob Ross and some happy little trees.

You could also say you're Ross and Rachel.


3. Hulk and She-Hulk.

HULK COUPLE THAT SMASH TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER.

4. Walt and Jesse.

Because without that bag of blue meth, how would you know who this is supposed to be?

5. Frodo (or Bilbo) and Gollum.

Looks like somebody's been reading my erotic fanfic!

6. Elliott and E.T.

Looks like somebody's been reading my erotic fanfic!

7. A hot air balloon.

Up, up, and away…LIKE YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER.

8. Margo and Richie Tenenbaum.

They aren't technically related.

9. Seymour and Audrey (and Audrey II)

Where'd they get these costumes? A little shop.

10. The Cast Away and Wilson.

The only thing missing, as usual, is Helen Hunt.

11. Ron Swanson and breakfast food.

Drunk revelers will misunderstand and think you're going as a "Swanson dinner."

12. The Yip-Yip things from Sesame Street.

If you can remember your lines that is.

13. Yoko Ono and some guy.

He looks just like Mick Jagger.

14. Wesley and Buttercup.

True love.

15. An old couple.

If you saw these twins on Halloween, you'd be switching out your candy for fertility drugs.

 

No filter.

Somehow, this terrifying photo manages to make you hate Trump just a tiny bit more.

$
0
0

A photoshopped picture of Donald Trump with a man bun is circulating the Internet and it's a lot to take in. We don't know where exactly it originates from—it seems to be this guy, but then again, it could've been Satan himself and we human beings are but mere vessels used for transmitting the horror. Either way, take a look...if you dare.

https://twitter.com/FigDrewton/status/649187906041577472

 

Article 36

A couple tricked that homophobic pizza place into catering their big, gay wedding.

$
0
0

When bigoted Indiana eatery Memories Pizza announced they would never cater a gay wedding after the state's "Religious Freedom" bill passed, the reactions were varied. A lot of people called in death threats and shut the place down, which had the unfortunate effect of turning them into Christian martyrs who were subsequently able to raise a million dollars on a crowd-sourcing platform. This is now the strategy of homophobes across America (read: Kim Davis). The only bright spot in this mess is the constant mockery Memories Pizza has been subject to, because DUH, no gay couple would ever cater their wedding with your sh*tty pizza in the first place. Unless they're The Kings of Trolls, like this couple:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-iLeoSEuC4

Wow, the famous Crystal of Memories Pizza is looking good. She got her hair done will that cool mil. Anyway, here's the story of our protagonists:

On Friday, September 25, 2015, GayCo Productions Ensemble Member Robin Trevino drove to Walkerton, IN. GayCo's current production of 50 States of Gay celebrates the Supreme Court decision which made same-sex marriage the law of the land in the US by choosing a different state out of a hat each week. When Indiana was chosen, Robin decided to have a vow renewal/first legal ceremony in the state where he resides - Illinois. He drove to Walkerton; to Memories Pizza, where he purchased a couple pizzas, froze them in a cooler and brought them home. On Saturday, September 26, 2015 we was married to his husband before a legal officiant. After the ceremony, the happy couple (and their one year old daughter) served Memories Pizza to all their guests. Congrats to Memories Pizza for (unknowingly) catering your FIRST GAY WEDDING!

In your dough-faces, Memories Pizza! Though the guests at the ceremony are probably pretty disappointed about the food.

Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live




Latest Images