Our capacity for accepting different types of people goes hand-in-hand with our progress as a civilization. Now that it's almost 2016, society has begun to rid itself of one its nastiest prejudices— the mistreatment of men with tiny dongs. We're learning to embrace the special gifts and unique contributions of those brave soldiers and their mini winkies. Recently, someone on Reddit asked the wielders of lil' dinkers to open up about the plus sides of having a wee chub. Their answers are eye-opening, inspiring, and strangely utilitarian. 

1. This disaster survivor.

If you were to tragically lose three fingers in a boating accident you could still masturbate.

-be_my_plaything 

2.  This meta comedian.

You get a cool username on Reddit.

-MicroCock

3. This stealth master.

Awkward boners in public won't be conspicuous 

-Xeizar

4. This optimist.

It can fit in any hole 

-phoholick

5. This small-vagina'd ally.

Okay so my first boyfriend was pretty fucking small... HOWEVER! I happen to have an unfortunately shaped vagina that is also very small... and the cervix tilts the wrong way.

My first boyfriend is the only guy who has ever made me cum during sex, because his dick was small enough that it wasn't painfully smashing into my weirdly tilted cervix with every thrust, it was just pleasantly bottoming out by the g-spot, and if you have g-spot orgasms there's not really a "this feels too sensitive" come down from the orgasm, you can just keep going and it feels just as amazing.

10/10, would totally fuck a guy with a small dick again.

-DreyaNova

6. This snacker.

More room in my pocket to place my lunch 

-goodhotchill 

7. This hygiene expert. 

Less likely to touch the germ ridden bowl when you pee!

-goldenpie25

8. This injury avoider.

If you run into a wall you'll hurt your nose and not your penis.

-TheMagnet69

9. This savvy spender.

Saving the cost of penis reduction surgery. 

-LumberjackEh

10. This savvy pervert.

I only have to buy a small bag of popcorn to hide my dick in at movie theater. 

-DeadpooI

11. This tecchie.

It can reset your cable box 

-tweakinhefty

12.  This stomach sleeper.

You can lie on your stomach. 

-Ph0xtrot

13. This overcompensator.

You'll have a great gun collection.

-Bucket_O_Beef

14. This thermodynamics expert.

Pissing on your balls keeps you warm in the winter.

-ThickDickVein

15. This sad clown.

You can invert your little flaccid superhero with a single poke from an index finger to create a mangina. My girlfriend laughs so hard when I do this. Deep down I'm crying inside. 

-Jazzlefresh22

Rich O'Dea went on a Tinder date with Jennifer Thomas to an Imagine Dragons show in Tampa, Florida, back in July. The rest of the story is very touching, so let's take a moment first to laugh at what they did for their first date. Seriously, Imagine Dragons? Great, now that's out of the way.

The date ended up being more than just a wonderful time—it also impacted the lives of Rich's best friends, Scott and Erika Bragan. When Rich mentioned that his friend Erika was in desperate need of a new kidney, Jennifer was immediately empathetic. Like Erika, she too is a mother, and it simply made her want to help: 

It's so great to be excited for someone else. I'm so excited for her to be able to sit down and make a meal with her kids and really enjoy it.

Erika had been on the kidney transplant list for almost three years. A week after their date, Jennifer texted Rich to see if there was a way to determine whether she could be a possible donor match. Of all the random texts someone could receive one week following a first date, this has to be the best one in history.

The Bragans were naturally surprised that a stranger wanted to help, especially when it was a Tinder date of a friend. And they only went on that one first date! But Jennifer's offer was sincere, and after some expedited testing, it was confirmed that she was a suitable match for Erika. The timing was extremely helpful, as Erika's kidney function was down to 5%. Surgery for the kidney donation is now set for November 18. While Rich and Jennifer weren't a romantic match, Jennifer is now a dear friend and crucial part of the Bragan family.

It's pretty common to hear about people matching with nightmares on Tinder, but this time a Tinder match had a positive and lasting impact. It may be the first and only time someone has had a great experience with Tinder, but we'll take it.

21-year-old Mardee Shackleford has a pretty obvious fashion icon who she is styling herself after. Except she says she isn't. She's just a fan of Miley's music, has always stuck her tongue out in pictures, and has the same haircut. And she met Miley's dad at a Miley concert once, but he found her:

She also won a $2,500 prize in a Chicago look-alike contest for Miley, but it's just because they're from the same state: California! This is how everyone from California looks. Other people notice the resemblance and accost her on the street, but whatever!

Mardee is currently working as a waitress, but she's an aspiring fashion designer and has a growing social media following. She also said she bought a ticket for the front row of a Miley Cyrus concert and hopes the pop singer will see her and maybe bring her up on stage? No big deal, though!

Two women are facing criminal charges for twerking on a stranger in a story that is actually way less funny that it sounds on the surface. A teacher was in a gas station in Washington D.C. when two women started harassing him and, yes, sexually assaulting him. One of them twerks on him while another grabs his crotch. He wanted to do something to make them stop, but noticed that there were men standing outside of the store watching the assault, men who he thought might be their pimps. Here's closed circuit surveillance footage of the incident:

He was shaken and called the police. One of the women was caught and arrested on third-degree sexual abuse charges. They are still out looking for the second one. The teacher has chosen to keep his identity secret for security purposes. 

Don't twerk on people. It's a crime, and it's also not even really a thing anymore. 

Six of the cast members from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the film that inspired generations of children to lick wallpaper, recently reunited for a convention in Orlando. While they were there, they also met with NBC’S Joe Fryer to tell the TODAY audience what it was like to make the film. It's delightful to see which cast members now look like they play in a cover band at their local bar every third Wednesday (Peter Ostrom, who played Charlie) and which ones look exactly like you'd expect them to (cough theguywhoplayedAugustusGloop cough).

At one point, Fryer asks them to raise their hands if they'd do it all again, and they all raise their hands because nobody's going to be the jerk on TODAY who's like, "No! It was stupid! I hate all of you!" Or maybe they honestly feel that way. You be the judge:

The confusing bundle of humanity known as Shia LaBeouf is, at this moment, sitting in a theater in New York City, watching all of his films back to back. If you're in New York and don't mind waiting in a long line, you can join him for free and partake in the spectacle, which runs through Thursday evening. Although Gothamist reports that the spectacle is pretty mild. They reported that as of early this afternoon, "Shia has used the restroom, briefly napped, and feasted on Jolly Ranchers and popcorn."

If you're not in New York, don't worry: you can partake in #ALLMYMOVIES (because these days, it's not performance art if it doesn't have a hashtag) by watching the livestream of Shia's face as he watches the films. Or you can always just watch this three-year-old recreate Shia's shouty inspirational green-screen monologue. Hey! Maybe after Shia watches all his movies back-to-back, he'll hire a three-year-old to do the same thing. Now that's art.

BuzzFeed knows that watching a big ol' clump of earwax get removed can be strangely satisfying, so they made their very own earwax removal video with a fancy doctor's camera that goes right into the ear. In the video, three volunteers have their ears looked at, and see what can't be unseen: their very own earwax, mega-magnified. We truly do live in a magical future.

Related: The best gross-but-mesmerizing videos of stuff being pulled out of the human body.

With Christmas music already on full blast, it's easier to forget that Thanksgiving is a thing. Turkey Day is indeed a holiday, and to celebrate, or express political views about the holiday with a history tainted by violence, Jimmy Fallon invited WWE's own The Undertaker to pull his signature move on a dude in a turkey costume.  

In an impressive feat of both cuteness and athleticism, Otto the Bulldog set the Guinness World Record in the competitive race of "longest human tunnel skated through by a dog-skateboarder." 30 people stood in a single-file line in Lima, Peru as the Canine Tony Hawk made it all the way through. 

Sorry all other dog-skateboarders, you really need to up your game. 

Have you ever been to a wedding and thought, "Wow, this is so nice, I wish that there were literally two of everything and everyone?"  Well, that happened in India, where identical twins Dilraj and Dilker married identical twins Reema and Reena in a twin-officiated, twin-themed ceremony.

The couples stood at the altar together.

The ceremony was officiated by twin priests.

They even did the paperwork side by side.

And the wedding party even featured twin flower girls and twin page boys.

The fact that each pair of twins' partners are identical makes you wonder if the twins ever fought over boys or girls growing up. Since they seem to be attracted to the same people, they're lucky they each found someone with a twin. 

Here is the video for the full, weird experience.

An Australian mom named Justine Van Den Borne was out shopping with her daughter. When she was 35, Justine was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, which is a degenerative illness that slowly degrades the lining around the nerve cells in your brain and spine. Many people who have MS end up in a wheelchair eventually, but the progression of the disease is different for everyone. You might not be able to tell someone has it by looking at them (like many diseases actually), and even someone standing on their feet could be in significant pain.

When Justine came back to her car, she found a message from some brave soul asking, "Did you forget your wheelchair???" Since the anonymous questioner had fled the scene, Justine decided to write this open letter on Facebook:

It reads:

To person that left this on my car last week at Mitcham Shopping Centre- I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when I was 35. Not just MS but the worst one that never goes away and is slowly crippling my life. My kids have had to deal with things that kids shouldn't ever have to deal with and all of our futures are forever changed. On the day you saw me I was having a good day, I was walking with my daughter unaided having a nice day. Thank you for ruining that. You made me feel like people were looking at me, the exact way I feel when I can't walk properly. I am sick of people like yourself abusing me on my good days for using a facility I am entitled to. A disability doesn't always mean a person has to be wheelchair bound but lucky for you I one day will be. Right now my focus is to walk into my best friends wedding next September and not have to be pushed. I will be 42. Before you ruin another persons day remember you don't know everything and just because you can't see it it doesn't mean a person isn't struggling to put one foot in front of the other.

Justine's message has been shared over 14,000 times and she's gotten a lot of support. It's impossible to know if the person who left the note is disabled themselves and needed the spot, or some able-bodied jerk who likes to monitor other people's lives, but everyone can take a lesson from Justine's story: you can't tell how hard it is for someone to walk through life by looking at them.

Everything has a catch. For example, kids get everything for free, but in return they must suffer the humiliating indignity of having to write thank you notes. But the thing with kids is that they have no filter. They're more or less sociopaths because they haven't learned how to pretend to be good people like the rest of us yet, so even those thank you notes are seeped in passive-aggression if not utter hostility.

1. She would do anything for love.

2. Needs improvement.

3. Wii are so sorry.

4. It's the thought that counts.

5. Fair is fair.

6. Just a heads-up for next time.

7. You're all wet.

8. It was either that or jail.

9. Bills, bills, bills.

10. Just SO much great…stuff.

11. Ah, but it's a certainty.

12. Let's make a distinction.

13. All the other kids like homework, but not this one.

Ben and Jessa Duggar Seewald welcomed their first child into the world on November 5. It's a healthy baby boy, weighing in at 9 lbs. 11 oz. and measured 21 ½ inches long. This is some wholesome and positive news coming from the Duggar clan, considering that Josh was busted for several sex scandals. After all the fallout from Josh and the cancellation of 19 Kids and Counting, some Duggars will return to television, but most of them still lead very public lives.

Ben, 20, and Jessa, 23, wanted to take their time in choosing the perfect name. Jessa acknowledged that they wanted that first name to have purpose:

We want to give him a strong name, with a lot of meaning.

That said, they named their son Spurgeon Elliot Seewald. Spurgeon. You might be wondering about the inspiration for that name. Is it a water deity or god of the sea? Perhaps Spurgeon was a deputy to Poseidon, Olympian God of the Oceans and king of all sea gods. Or maybe Neptune, the Roman God of the sea who has less notoriety. These would be foolish guesses, because they are Pagan gods not befitting of a boy who is going to have a strict Christian upbringing. 

They named him after Charles Haddon Spurgeon, a British Baptist preacher from the nineteenth century. He delivered the gospel to crowds in the thousands, like megachurches in the era before TV. So there you have it. With a name like Spurgeon Seewald, this kid will have to be the captain of a ship. That's it. There are no other occupations available for someone with that name. If you need to get a ship past a 100-year storm or an angry whale, Spurgeon will be the man to do it.

In September, the scary and sad story of Gayle Newland went public, but the verdict in her case wasn't announced until yesterday. Newland has been sentenced to 8 years in jail for sexual assault, having lured a woman into a physical relationship with her under false pretenses. 

As The Guardianexplained:

Gayle Newland, 25, has admitted creating a fake Facebook profile in order to meet girls, using a photo of a good-looking Asian man she called Kye Fortune. But she denies misleading a woman who claims she was sexually assaulted by Newman wearing a prosthetic penis after they had intercourse, during which the woman wore a blindfold.

The woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, had earlier testified to having willingly worn the blindfold during numerous sexual encounters with someone she believed was Kye Fortune. She said Kye told her he was recovering from a brain tumour and did not want her to see his scars.

The victim only found out what was happening when she took off her blindfold during intercourse and saw that Newland was wearing a prosthetic penis. The case was heard in Chester Crowd Court, in which Newland claimed that the accuser knew about her real identity the whole time.

Announcing the verdict, Judge Roger Dutton said that Newland was "an intelligent, obsessional, highly manipulative, deceitful, scheming and thoroughly determined young woman." He ruled:

To successfully pass off a deception of this complexity was a major undertaking involving dedicated mobile phone lines as well as regular texts from you purporting to be Kye's relatives.

You pursued this course of conduct over a lengthy period during which you played with her affections, acting entirely for your own sexual satisfaction and choosing to ignore the devastating impact that the eventual discovery of the truth would have on her.

The trial also covered the effort Newland went to in order to maintain the Kye Fortune persona. She bound her chest using a hat and swimsuit, and said that her high-pitched voice was due to Fortune being half-Filipino and half-Latino. The victim was asked to wear a mask and scarf while the two casually watched movies together.

"You do you" isn't just a catchphrase, it's the law. Don't pretend to be someone else. You could hurt people and end up in jail. 

Will Andersen spends his days sitting outside Grand Central with a sign begging for handouts, and his nights inside the apartment he rents, counting money. The 43-year-old former stagehand bragged to The New York Post that he rakes in up to $200 per hour thanks to the kindness of strangers. Andersen claims he'll sometimes get $100 from a single person, and that there are people who give him cash every single day on their way to work. If you heard anyone loudly screaming obscenities at a newspaper this morning, it was probably them.

"On a Friday morning, I make $400 in two hours," boasted Andersen, who brings his 9-year-old dog, Rizzo, to gain extra sympathy. "People are more generous because I have a dog, 100 percent. They throw me a dollar and say, 'That’s for the dog.'"

One thing is for sure, Andersen's newfound fame is probably making it a lot more difficult for him to get paid today. The Post reported he was not seen at his usual spot this morning after the paper hit newsstands.  

Yes, finally, a hair trend that appeals to lazy people who can only afford a tube of hair gel and a pack of glitter! No more long hours at expensive salons, folks. Now, when you have 6-week roots, there's no need to hide it under a headband. If you got 'em, flaunt 'em. Here's a tutorial on how to get your Glitter Roots on:

And here are some dynamic examples of how people are putting this fad into practice. Buns appear to be a very important part of this look, which is also not well designed for anyone planning to wear a hat this winter:

If you're wondering how in the hell you will ever get all this glitter out of you're hair: good. You should, because it's obviously impossible. According to some, a paper towel soaked in hair spray can be used, but let's be real. Once glitter gets on your body, it's there to stay.