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A daredevil cat makes an amazing jump from a van to a roof.

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Are you not entertained?!

I don't know what kind of a pet-having actually encourages their cat to make a crazy jump from the roof of their van all the way over to the roof of their home. Someone who obviously has a lot of faith in their cat's abilities or very little concern for their long-term health. I choose the believe the former.

Regardless, this is an amazing jump. You can actually have full, well-reasoned thoughts about the frailty of life and euphoria of risk in the time that this cat spends in the air:

That video is essentially the opposite of this:

(by Dennis DiClaudio)


Kid rides a bunch of Disneyland attractions while practicing his death stare.

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The hardcore-iest place on earth. 

This video, uploaded by the appropriately named Lack of Awesomeness, displays some of the hardest stares you're gonna get from a bespectacled kid with a Lloyd Christmas haircut.

Set to "Ridin'" by Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone.

This is how you know your kid is too old for the Magic Kingdom. 

(by Myka Fox)

Tiny little baby goats climb all over an incredibly patient adult horse.

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This might as well be happening.

You know how sometimes you're just sitting down in a nice patch of dirt in your pen, and you're just trying to enjoy the afternoon, and then bunch of rambunctious baby goats come along and start climbing all you?

This guy totally feels you: 

Kids these days, think they own the world. Am I right?

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

These groomsmen steal the wedding with an epic dance routine.

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The groom on his special day.

Being in a wedding party as a guy is supposed to be a pretty easy gig; you rent a tux, maybe organize a poker game, hire a couple of strippers, and make sure the groom doesn't make a last minute run for the border.

The last thing you want to hear from a buddy is, "I'd like you to be one of my groomsmen. I'll also need you to commit to about 200 hours of rehearsal and to be in the best physical condition of your life."

That's the call the guys in this wedding party received. Luckily for the groom, they all appeared to be up to the challenge.

The groom is so into the dance, you get the feeling he proposed to his girlfriend just so he could put on a show. It's almost six minutes long! By the end, even the DJ sounds fatigued.

But it's all good, and I'm sure the bride appreciated the effort. And hopefully, for everyone involved, it's a one-time deal.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Attention grabbing.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - June 27, 2014

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1. Shia LaBeouf Is A Walking Piece Of Performance Art — Or A Drunk Asshole

Last night, beloved actor and respected performance artist Shia LaBeouf outdid himself with his latest piece of experimental theater, A Guy Who Clearly Needs Help Drinks Too Much, Harasses A Homeless Man And Gets Arrested After Disrupting A Broadway Show. Said one non-voluntary member of LaBeouf's audience, "He was brilliant."


2. 'The View' Vaccinates Itself Against Any Future Jenny McCarthy Controversies

Anti-vaccination activist Jenny McCarthy was fired from ABC's daytime talk show The Viewalong with her co-host Sherri Shepherd, who may or may not remain agnostic on the controversial question of whether or not the Earth is a sphere. Perhaps the two entertainers will be replaced by co-hosts with a stronger grasp on reason, such as, perhaps, a potato and an old boot.


3. 'Transformers: The Age Of Extinction' Is Worse Than You Think And Will Make More Money Than You Can Imagine

Transformers: Age of Extinction, the fourth installment in Michael Bay's wildly popular and critically panned Loud Metallic Things Hitting Each Other And Smashing Buildings franchise, is currently receiving nearly universally awful reviews—worse than any of the previous three—from critics everywhere. It is certain to be a massive, massive hit


4. Pablo Escobar's Hippos Will Continue His Reign Of Terror In Colombia

When Colombian drug kingpin Pablo Escobar voluntarily retired from his career in criminal activities and went off to some beach somewhere to live out the remainder of his days in restful self-reflection surrounded by the people he loved (or so I imagine), he left behind a bunch of pet hippos. After the water-loving animals, which are indigenous to southern Africa and not South America, escaped into the sultry Colombian wilderness, they started mating, and now the country has several dozen of them—and counting— in their ecosystem. Sounds perfectly harmless.


5. All Mammals Take About 21 Seconds To Pee, Because Nature Has OCD

According to new research conducted at Zoo Atlanta, all mammals take approximately 21 seconds to fully urinate, regardless of the varying sizes of their bladders. Use this information as you will.


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Religiously healthy.

How to peel and clean whole bunch of potatoes in one minute while looking totally awesome.

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Mmmmm. I'm already hungry.

Tricks for how to do things quickly in the kitchen are usually mind-blowing in a fairly relaxing way, like when you learn how to slice a whole bunch of grapes in half at once. They're usually not badass, and they also usually take place in the kitchen. This potato-skinning shortcut from Peter Stephan of Denmark, however, is all those things. It would be intimidating if it weren't so time-savingly awesome (except for the vertical video part, of course).

Step 1: Acquire a yard.

In case you were curious, that appears to be a bristle brush (possibly a toilet bowl cleaner?) attached to a power drill. So, as always in cooking, please use fresh ingredients. Meaning the toilet bowl cleaner.

(by Johnny McNulty)


5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - June 28, 2014

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1. CNBC Host Forgets To Not Out Apple CEO As Gay

CNBC co-anchor Simon Hobbs broke the first rule of not outing powerful corporate CEOs as being gay when he accidentally outed powerful Apple CEO Tim Cook as being gay during a Friday morning segment of Squawk on the Street. Hopefully, he learns his lesson from this and doesn't out powerful Apple CEO Tim Cook as being gay in the future.


2. Jeremy Meeks Might Be Modeling A Tom Ford Suit During His Trial, As Human Civilization Careens Toward Its Long-Overdue Destruction

While he is standing before a judge on trial for his seven felony counts, Internet sensation Jeremy Meeks—also known as the "Hot Convict," "Handsome Felon" and "Alleged Criminal Whom Your Girlfriend Is Thinking About In The Shower"—might be wearing a custom-tailored suit provided by fashion designer Tom Ford. You know, this may be absurd commercialism, but I have to admit that this does kind of make me want to buy a Tom Ford suit and go out and commit seven felonies.


3. Amy Adams Tricks Poor Soldier Into Spending Entire Airline Flight With The Assholes In First Class

Film actress Amy Adams is making headlines this week after she got caught foisting her overpriced, bourgeois First Class airline ticket off on an innocent U.S. soldier who was only trying to get from Detroit to Los Angeles in peace. Due to her selfishness, Adams was able to spend the entirety of the flight with the salt of the earth real American passengers of coach, while the soldier was forced to mingle and drink champagne with the elitists in the front of the plane. Isn't that just like one of those Big Hollywood types?! 


4. Oklahoma Politician Is The Only Person With Guts Enough To Tell The Truth About Rep. Frank Lucas Being A Robot Doppelgänger

Tea Party Republican Tim Murray may have lost the primary election for Oklahoma's 3rd congressional district, but that's probably because voters are intimidated by willingness to speak hard truths. Truths like how his opponent died three years ago and was secretly replaced by a robot replica: "It is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike," Murray explained. Lucas, of course, denies all allegations of being a robot body double, but isn't that just exactly what you'd expect a robot body double to do?


5. Lightning Is Sexist Against Men

Did you know that nearly everybody who died by being struck by lightning in the past eight years has been a man? We're talking 80 percent. Think about that. But there's more. All seven—a full 100 percent—of the people who have been electrocuted by lightning so far this year have been men. You know, I hate to admit it, but it looks like Reddit's men's rights activists were right. The world is against us. 


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Right image.

Photographer helps get kittens adopted by dressing them up as characters from popular movies and shows.

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"Aren't you a little short to be my new human?" (via Crosswind Studios)

Photographer Wendy McKee of Crosswind Studio in Texas had some kittens that needed adopting. Knowing how important it is for these young animals to find good homes, she went the extra mile to get them noticed, dressing the adorable furballs up as characters from The Wizard of Oz, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Dr. Who, and Game of Thrones


Young Frodo seeks human Samwise for help on quest and also kibble.


"Shhh... don't tell anyone, but I'm actually a metaphor for the gold standard."


This makes sense, because cats always treat small spaces like they're larger inside.


His direwolf is a white guinea pig.


Don't lose your head trying to solve the mystery of the hairball, kitty.

It's gotten attention alright—McKee has been featured on Today, and her studio's Facebook page is full of requests for adoption. You can see more on McKee's Flickr page.

(by Johnny McNulty)

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - June 29, 2014

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1. The Country That Wants To Go To War With The U.S. Over A Rogen-Franco Movie Just Got A Little Bit Closer To Possessing Long-Range Missiles

South Korean officials are reporting that the North Korean military carried out an unpleasantly successful test of several missiles earlier today. The projectiles—which somehow did not immediately fall to the ground and fizzle out while spurting sparks and missile juice onto the ground after being fired toward the country's eastern waters—are presumed to be short-range Scud ballistic missiles.


2. The Mighty British Empire Needs Semen!

Quick! There's no time to spare! Run to the kitchen, grab the largest ziplock bag you can find and start filling it up with as many spermatozoa as you can manage. According to the British Fertility Society, the United Kingdom is currently experiencing a "major" sperm donation drought, thus forcing fertility clinics to accept lesser quality semen. They're presumably even taking donations from Scotland. Once you're finished, mail your donation to the United Kingdom. No address needed. These are sperm; they'll know how to find their way.


3. Shoutout To All The Happy Facebook Couples: Everybody Hates You!

According to a survey of 100 people conducted for a book called The Science of Relationships, everybody in the world hates you and your stupid partner and your dumb blissful relationship and all the disgustingly happy Facebook photos of you two being all gross and cute together. “When it comes to relationship disclosure on Facebook, there can be too much of a good thing,” according to an author of the study. So just shut up and take that distasteful  joie de vivre elsewhere, freaks!


4. Study: Sunglasses Trick People Into Thinking You Look Cool

According to a researcher from Nottingham Trent University in the United Kingdom, sunglasses make even dopey-looking people like you and me appear to be cooler than we are by hiding the communicative information usually provided by our eyes. "The eyes are such a tremendous source of information — and vulnerability — for the human being," Vanessa Brown explained. "Sunglasses, by covering those vulnerable eyes and implying that connection with sleek engineering and glossy surfaces, make it easier to pull off a truly cool demeanor."


5. Trying To Cheer Up Miserable People Is A Great Way For Covert Sadists To Make Them Even More Miserable

It turns out that having unhappy friends with low self esteem is a win-win situation for sadistic people who get off on other people's misery. If you agree with them and tell them what losers they are, they actually get a small boost of pleasure via "negative validation." However, if you try to cheer them up with "positive reframing," it makes them even more miserable than they started out being. So, you really can't lose!


(by Dennis DiClaudio)

6 new contenders for the most outstanding comment ever left on a Facebook photo.

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Why old Photobomb Phil's been dead for decades now.
You got photobombed by a g-g-g-ghost!
(Via)

At this point there isn't a moment of human experience that isn't photographed and instantly uploaded to Facebook for all to share. Life is contained in the Facebook photo albums now, so when you comment on a Facebook photo you're essentially commenting on life itself. You can choose to resignedly click "Like" on life like so many over-medicated cult members who are lying to themselves. Or you can do like the commenters gathered here, who deserve awards for their attention to detail and their willingness to turn a glimpse of another person's existence into something we can all laugh at.


Like you've never gotten excited after taking a really good butt-selfie.(Via)

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Least they're not sitting around doing math!(Via

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Or, he died before achieving his dream of Jurassic Park being operational.(Via)

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I think he just asked you out to dinner!(Via)

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Guys don't need a lot of inspiration in that activity. (Via)

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Updated 6/3/14:


Don't get involved, Dan. (via) 


I certainly hope the tiny cat tipped well. (via)

You should see the pyramids. (via)


Wake up, sheeple! Why do you think there are so many cans? The aluminade! (via)


It looked like a salami. (via)


When will you grow up, Shannon? (via)

Updated 5/2/14: 


Spike knew. She always knew. (via)


That was very, very dangerous. But cool. (via)



I only hump American-made cars. (via)



The tattoo artist only knew how to do glittery spiders for some reason. (via)



If not great responsibility, at least more responsibility than that, surely. (via)



What if they mutate but they're still not that good at martial arts? (via)

Updated 4/2/14:


I'm guessing this is the last time anyone makes the mistake of trusting you. (via)

 


I dunno, $20 still seems like a good deal. (via)

 



Sure, it says Police Call Box on the outside, but on the inside...it's a port-a-potty. (via)

 


Well, that seems irrelevant, but good to know. (via)

 


Nope, not what that means. 
(via)

 



"Yeah, yeah, I'm overattached. So tell me again how you love me." (via)

Updated 3/4/14: 


Lookin' good, Kurt! (via)

 


All the rest have 31, except February which has 52. (via)

 


It's just a very sad photo all around. (via)

 



The real question is: are YOU okay?
(via)

 


I give them a week before they're posting photos of each other slippin. (via)

 


Why do I have the feeling this will take a while to explain? (via)

Updated 2/4/14:


Also sometimes people are just sleepy. (via)



Unfriend this person before their posts become upsetting. (via)


Good thing I have my smart phone to document this. (via)



And this is how the English language will slowly deteriorate. (via)


Philip Seymour Hoffman would probably have thought this was funny. (via)


A bargain at half the price. (via)

Updated 1/6/14:


He's going to the great cardboard box in the sky. (via)

 


A.O. Scott does most of his reviews this way, too. (via)

 


"Oh!!! Pretty!" was the last words of many a gladiator. (via)

 


Reason #43,239 never to friend your mom, or son, on Facebook. (via)

 


The greened-out name is Santa, obvi. (via)

 


This is why the aliens will easily be able to overtake us. (via)

Updated 12/5/13:


Kids today don't watch enough VHS's.

 


"Superficial aesthetic characteristics" = "She has giant boobs."

 


I always grew too attached to the sausages we raised on my farm as a child.

 


Why would you want to avoid a place with a ball pit?

 


It's true! M.J. really was out of this world!

 


Ow.

Updated 11/7/13:


ERECTION! How many times must I scream "ERECTION"?!

 


Could be anyone's ass, really.

 


Don't forget the Holey Bagel.

 


Earth is destroyed every year.

 


SMMTH. (Shaking my mutant turtle head.)

 


LOL why would someone invent a non-cordless phone?

Updated 10/7/13:


Pics or it didn't happen.

 


Mr. Darren Buble has a nice ring to it.Swoon.

 



It's appropriate because Anne loved human pyramids.

 



Hard work pays off, just doesn't pay much.

 



Aw, they nicknamed each other after fruits, the big lingonberries.

 


Oddly enough, that book IS junk.

 

Updated 9/11/13:


Could lose a bit more if he put down the phone for a second.

 



Yeah, your husband knows you were Clearly In The Wrong.

 


Sells puppy to get better phone to take pictures of puppy on.

 



This actually looks like a pretty fun afternoon.

 


No, no, Timmy. Camels have humps.

 


Same basic shape, you know-it-all!

 


Rob may be a pussy, but he's no fool.

Updated 8/8/13:


In case you were wondering, her account number is 3771-1745.

 



It's still a bitchin' stock photo.

 


There are no awkward silences around that grasshopper.

 



Also, put your damn hands on the wheel, dad.

 


Children our are future.

 


Seriously, 5 acres isn't even that many!

 


If your phone's in a smoothie, what did you take the photo with??

Updated 7/12/13:


This commenter is now in a relationship with Youtube.

 


They were chillen' together. Cyberchillen'.

 


Tonight on Fat Cops, a young boy who's just killed a man seeks help from his mama...

 


This is actually why they picked her for the summer internship.

 


Their lizard fucking is truly beautiful though.

 



So what u want a certificate or something?

Updated 6/12/13:


Remember when Neil DeGrasse Tyson had that ugly feud with 50 Cent at the planetarium?

 


Ew, drinking Union Jack sounds dusty.

 


And...if you're lazy?

 


Time to go back to your original profession as a taxidermist.

 


Every mother dreams of her toddler turning out sexy.

 


Honestly, that's what "Granddaughter" gets for posting that statistic.

Updated 5/13/13:


They can be the same. Liking your own status on Facebook is a form of fapping.

 


Also, why did you marry such a heavy, finger-giving man in the first place?

 


No, stupid, the Italian flag says "Viva Italy!"

 


The only fun fact about Nazism, actually.

 


Screw white ghosts for oppressing all the minority ghosts.

 


It's a meta caption of a meta photo. Whoa.

 

Updated 4/18/13:


Dogs have patience. Human dogs, less so.

 


What the hell did that bunny leave in your basket?
 

 


It's the legend of the ghost bridge! The bridge has returned from the dead for vengeance!

 


Looks like he took a break for some refreshment, and to steal your wallet.

 


The real tragedy is Walt letting his legotism control his decisions.

 


Welcome to your kitchen for the very first time. Now make some really spicy coffee.

 

Updated 3/19/13:


Um, I've been leading a double life. I'm really a cheezy stock photographer.

 


This horrible relationship is making us hungry!

 


The GOP has decided to run a citrus in 2016.

 


His balls are really good listeners.

 


Thought you meant congrads on my bomb new lid, brah. But that marriage shit, yeah, LOL.

 

Updated 2/19/13:


You have a new friend request from Galileo (Galileo) Galileo Figaro.

 


Bobby's obviously never done mescaline.

 


We usually name our pimple, Gus. Short for Disgusting.

 


Can we just switch our order to the spaghetti? If no one's had sex in it?

 


Even the cat looks angry that someone brought Blue Moon.

 


It's cool. He has a vagina underneath his left knee.

 

Updated 1/23/13:


They're lucky he didn't just tie pistols to their feet.

 


Game of Thrones is bound to use this as a plot-point eventually.

 


She should end it with him. He clearly wishes he was dating Spider-Man.

 


The best way to stop forest fires is with a crapload of "likes."

 


Just having a pet dolphin would be enough for us. Or an Xbox, for that matter.

 


What would humans and ducks ally against? Swans?

 

Updated 12/17/12:


Wrong. It's a framed picture of a mirror being photobombed by a ceiling fan.

 


Commenters love to shout at a hat out on a ledge.

 


We feel bad for twin girls. They can't ask kids on the playground to "come and play with us" without scaring the hell out of them.

 


"Don't miss Kohl's holiday blowout!" -John 3:16
 

 


Our grandma used to make a great soul loaf. So tender, so eternal.

 


We'd go with the Bieber. Just to learn the sequence of terrible decisions that led to him getting the same haircut as our sister's girlfriend.

 

 


Your Facebook friends: Misunderstanding deep-throating hamsters since 2006.

 

Updated 11/26/12:


In nature you're never more than two inches away from poo. And by "nature" we mean "our office."

 

 


People aren't that impressed when you train a man-parrot to talk.

 

 


Peace in the Middle-East won't be achieved unless we all bond over the new C-class.

 

 


He had to introduce himself to all the Taco Bells in the neighborhood.

 

 


Still waiting for the day when this country will elect its first teensy president.

 

 

 


Oh the humanity.

 

 

 


No wonder his personals ad seeking "Women into baseball glove material" always went unanswered.

 

 

 

Updated 10/26/12:


Looks like a girl in a bikini committing suicide to us. Eye of the beholder?

 

 


Another episode of "Blame Autocorrect Or Call Social Services?"

 

 


We're hungry and nauseous all at once.

 

 


Seriously, who are they flipping the bird at? The Bravo channel?

 

 


Like you'd still be able to see the top of the bridge.

 

 


Why does this racist sexual inadequacy panic quiz have to implicate Gamestop?

 

 


We thought every page on the internet was kind of called "Fapping."

 

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Updated 2/1/12:

Shared pain.

Birth control.


YouTube star puts his pants on without hands.

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Now that's what I call amusing! (via)

Chinese YouTube star Now 夠了沒is just like nobody else. He puts his pants on both legs at a time, without the use of his hands, while the The Karate Kid theme song plays for inspiration. He also inexplicably does some wrist exercises despite the fact that the main attraction is that he isn't going to use his hands. 

Beyond rocking those killer stretch pants, you could swear he was about to score a million points in Dance Dance Revolution or land the role of Mr. Mistoffelees in Cats. The guy's got moves. 

He's a star!

ClT4KJ on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs

(by Myka Fox)

Working vacation.

After the Dutch defeated Mexico in the World Cup, Royal Dutch Airlines celebrated with a racist tweet.

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I don't mean to stereotype Dutch people, but were you guys stoned?

It's been a long time since I've felt compelled to quote Austin Powers (or more specifically, his father Nigel) but there's no way around this one: "There are two types of people I can't stand. People who are intolerant of other cultures, and the Dutch." Those two groups came together this weekend as the Netherlands knocked Mexico out of the Round of 16 with a goal in the 94th minute of play.

Given that the Dutch celebrate Christmas with a popular folk character named Black Pete, better known to the world as Santa's Little Blackface Helper, it's maybe not surprising that their national airline failed to use much subtlety in their tweet bidding Mexico bye-bye. The image featured a "Departures" sign to rub it in Mexico's face that their fans were going home from Brazil (which is pretty rude by itself), next to a symbol of a Mexican with a stereotypical sombrero, mustache (appropriately called a bigote) and poncho.

I'm not sure how mad I should be about this, because being racially insensitive is a stereotype about Dutch people, so is it insensitive of me to point it out? They're pragmatic about societal vices, they're tall, they're not the funniest people on Earth, they're not culturally sensitive, and they can breathe underwater. It is known. Mexico could have very well responded with an image of a mermaid smoking dope in a red-light window, but they chose a classier route.

Now, let's all remember how we supported Mexico on this issue when other countries inevitably make a joke about oversized Americans flying home. We don't stand for stereotypes like that. We don't stand at all.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Facebook has been playing with your minds and you just let it happen like sheep. Baaaaa.

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Wipe that stupid grin off your Facebook. (via Getty Images)

It's bad enough Facebook has been tracking your web history to send you personalized ads (please stop trying to hook me up with "other singles with herpes," Facebook, it was just an ingrown hair), but now a new study has come out saying that our beloved social network has gone beyond spying and shot straight to manipulating. 

Don't bother reading all of Experimental Evidence Of Massive-Scale Emotional Contagion Through Social Networks.” I didn't, but I did read the report's abstract, along with a couple outside summaries which say that, basically, Facebook selected almost 700,000 users to toy with by manipulating what went into their feeds. Some were given feeds full of posts with negative terms, others with positive. They were then surprised to find out that it affected the moods of those users. Apparently, people with negative terms in their feeds wrote more negative posts, and those with positive terms became or remained more positive. 

Or, as the paper puts it, “emotions expressed by others on Facebook influence our own emotions, constituting experimental evidence for massive-scale contagion via social networks.” 

Seems obvious, but for a long time researchers believed that "emotional contagion" were spread only through in-person and non-verbal ccommunication.

Hard to believe their surprise when anyone who has ever laughed or cried while reading a book will tell you that emotions can spread through words. Did they think Lord Byron and J.K Rowling were just wasting everyone's time?

The downside to all of this is that someone up in Skynet has been playing with us like we each were individual Truman Shows, and we okayed it by agreeing to Facebook's Data Use Policy.

The upshot is now we have someone else to blame for our terrible moods. It's not your fault you feel like a piece of shit, it's Facebook's fault. 

Repeat after me: "It's Facebook's fault."

Which means that we can now use Facebook for a number of defenses:

- I can't go to work today. Facebook gave me sads. :(

- I had to resort to an extramarital affair because Facebook made me feel like less of a sexually viable being.

- I would have never gunned down twelve people in a movie theater if Facebook hadn't filled my feed with negative terms, your honor. 

(by Myka Fox)

Crafty store.

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