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People called Chris Pratt sexist for mocking Katherine Schwarzenegger's 'bad cooking' on Instagram.

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Looks like Anna Faris's former husband and his new wife are continuing their 24/7 cosplay as your typical 1950s couple.

Chris Pratt posted a photo of Katherine Schwarzenegger's failed attempt at warming up a Bagel Bite on Instagram, along with a caption mocking her inability to cook.

Here's the photo:

To be fair, that is shockingly bad for a Bagel Bite. But if Chris is such an expert, maybe he could've done it himself? The caption reads:

Proud of my darling for trying to cook tonight. Did it go well? No. No it did not. Not at all. To quote Rocky Balboa, “It’s not how many times you get knocked down, it’s how many times you get up... and keep moving forward.” As you can tell from the lump of coal in the center of the plate, this bagel bite never stood a chance. I honestly simply cannot imagine what went wrong here. Pretty simple. Microwave. 2 minutes. Maybe she thought it said 2 hours. But I want to commend her for her effort. This is a big step babe. Proud of you.

On Pratt's Instagram, the comments have a very "Silly Katherine!" vibe.

People have jokes.

And Katherine herself responded that it's all part of a scheme for her to finally liberate herself from the gilded cage of her and Pratt's kitchen.But some are calling Pratt out as insensitive, sexist and lazy.

Others are like, dude, who eats one Bagel Bite?

Still others are like, "LOL interesting marriage, bud!"But over on Twitter, where the Schwarzenegger-Pratts don't have control over the discourse, things are a lot more anti-Chris.

This person points out that Chris could've microwaved this particular slab of faux food himself.

This person's gif spoke louder than words.

And another spoke her truth through the magic of John Oliver.

This person offered some help for throwing the whole man away.

And this person acknowledged the elephant in the room: why would the "Kindergarten Cop" heiress know how to cook?

Either way, Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger will probably be fine, and it's good to know #ChristianGirlAutumn is rolling along as predicted.


People respond to Miley Cyrus claiming 'you don't have to be gay,' there are 'good men out there.

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Yikes, Miley Cyrus really messed up on Instagram Live.

In a lot of ways I feel like Miley should be cut some slack considering she essentially grew up in the spotlight and didn't get the same basic training of being an adult human as we all did. For example, she bought a house when she was 18-years-old. Her life is...different.

That being said, being in the spotlight does give her more responsibility to say and do the right thing and if she cared about setting an example it's up to her to learn and be better.

Her most recent blunder is a statement she made on an Instagram live post with her new boyfriend, Cody Simpson. In case you've been living under a faraway rock from celebrity gossip, Miley has been healing from her divorce from long-time partner Liam Hemsworth. Still, she's always been openly bisexual telling Elle in 2019 that even though she's married she's still "very sexually attracted to women."

However, her latest Instagram live post implies that she was only dating women because she couldn't find the right man? No Miley! This is a massive slap in the face to the LGBTQ community. Keep those thoughts buried deep in your brain and don't broadcast them to your 100 million followers. It invalidates the experience of so many genuinely bisexual people who have struggled so long for acceptance. It also fuels the ego of every frat boy who thinks women are only lesbians for "attention."

"Hardcore feminist vibes" doesn't mean not letting anyone in, Miley! Hardcore feminist vibes means fighting for equality! Come on, Cyrus! You're better than this.

Of course, the internet had a lot to say...

Some people claim it's just a joke, maybe Miley could clarify that?

In the meantime, she owes her LGBTQ fans an apology.

Catholic groom asks if he's wrong for excluding atheist friends from wedding ceremony.

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Wedding ceremonies run the gamut from hyper-religious to secular and irreverent. There is no one-size-fits-all way to plan your ceremony, and personal religious preferences and family traditions often strongly influence how the exchanging of vows on the Big Day goes down.

Most wedding guests are well aware that the ceremony might express a vastly different faith from their own, and it's generally not a big deal. After all, the wedding ceremony is centered on the couple expressing and committing to their love publicly, not how all of the guests feel.

However, there are still times when the gulf between the wedding couple's religious beliefs and that of their friends is large enough to create awkwardness.

In a recent post on the Am I The *sshole subreddit, a groom asked if he was wrong for not inviting his atheist friends to the ceremony portion of his Roman Catholic wedding.

AITA for inviting my atheist friends only for the wedding party and not the ceremony?

OP kicked off the post by sharing that he's getting married in a few months and throwing a traditional Roman Catholic wedding.

Even as a devout Roman Catholic himself, OP admits the ceremony can be a bit long-winded and is afraid it'll bore and alienate his atheist friends who dislike religion.

I am getting married in a few months. We have a few atheist friends who have a general dislike for religion so I thought it would be for the best to only invite them to the party. My future wife and both of our families are Roman Catholic. Catholic ceremonies are long. I'm talking 1 hour of pure mass and additional half an hour of the actual "getting married" part. If you are not a believer, it is boring af. Hell, Im Catholic and I know I'll be bored for 80% of it. I thought I'll spare them the trouble.

Rather than asking his atheist friends if they'd prefer to forgo the long religious ceremony, OP decided to exclusively invite them to the reception.

Anyway, one of my friends brought it up, saying I forgot to put the time and the church where the ceremony will take place on the invitation. So I said that she doesn't have to come to the religious part and just come for the wild party part. She got confused, I explained and she got annoyed to say the least. Said she isn't heartless and would sit through the 2/3 to see me get married in the 1/3. I tried to explain again & fix things but I felt guilty the whole time.

When one of OP's friends asked why she didn't have the ceremony info, OP told her it would be long and boring and to come to the reception instead.

This hurt her feelings and made her feel he had little faith in her as a friend.

Was it an asshole move?

MrsMoriarty82 thinks it was a huge jerk move for OP to exclude his friends based on their atheism.

YTA, you made a huge assumption that your friends would put their dislike of religious services ahead of their wish to see you married. Sounds like you don’t think much of them.

RuinedReddit agreed that OP's assumption, while well meaning, was ultimately hurtful to the friendship.

YTA. You’re just assuming that they wouldn’t have wanted to partake in the ceremony. You could have, at the very least, asked them personally whether they would have liked to join in the catholic ceremony then that decision would have been left up to them to decide. If they want to, give them the invite. If not, don’t. Simple.

Not being invited to something as important as an event of a wedding probably hurt your friends’ feelings too.

Daedalusrift understands OP was trying to be considerate, but thinks he should have made the ceremony optional rather than making that decision for his friends.

YTA (mildly). You were trying to be considerate but in the process basically told your friends you thought they weren't considerate.

Ceremonies are boring for everyone except for the bit that matters (the actual getting married part). Why not make it optional for everyone? That way no one feels excluded. (not to late to amend)

ElleJay1907M has sat through many Catholic ceremonies as an atheist, and doesn't mind if it's for their friend.

YTA. I'm an atheist and have sat through many Catholic ceremonies to see my friends get married because it is important to them. If someone left me out of their wedding and just invited me after I wouldn't bother going.

After the internet unanimously agreed that he was in the wrong, OP added a post-script edit clarifying his thought process and how he resolved the situation.

Edit: ah, I suppose I am TA. Just for clarification though:

We did explain things and they are coming to church. No hard feelings between us.

Those who I decided to "spare" expressed anti-religious-events stances in the past (not going to Christenings, First Communions & Confirmations) so I thought it translated to wedding ceremonies

I also thought it would be considerate to not force them to come because of the sense of "they invited me so i have to" and ended up going wrong about it :/

5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Mitt Romney, because his Twitter alter-ego has been discovered.

Je Suis Pierre Delecto.

Senator Mitt Romney fancies himself to be the moral Republican foil to shameless President Trump, going as far as to sometimes criticize the president in public, and as we recently learned, secretly "like" tweets that aren't so nice to Dear Leader.

In a recent profile in The Atlantic,Romney admitted to having a secret Twitter account he uses "to keep tabs of the political conversation," which follows exactly 668 people.

Looking through the followers of Romney's oldest granchild, Slate's Ashley Feinberg successfully identified @qaws9876, "Pierre Delecto," as the senator's alter-ego.

A screenshot of @qaws9876's Twitter account

Pierre followed political journalists, NFL players, and Romney 2012 staffers, and was always quick to defend the senator's honor.

After Slate published its theory, Pierre Delecto's account went private, then public, then private again, and Romney officially admitted that yup, he and Pierre are one and the same.

People on both sides of the aisle united to laugh at the serious man's silly fake name. It's the funniest thing Romney has done since the time he blew out his birthday Twinkies one by one or the time he ironed his shirt while wearing it.


4. Felicity Huffman, because she is literally in prison.

Huffman in happier times, before she found out that her daughter was actually supposed to study for the SATs.

Jumpsuits are all the rage these days, with dozens of women seeking out the piece that Phoebe Waller-Bridge wore during her meet-cute with Hot Priest on Fleabag.

Another TV star going viral for rocking a one-piece is Felicity Huffman, whose outfit isn't at the behest of a wardrobe department but rather the federal Department of Corrections.

Huffman reported to prison to serve out her 14-day sentence after she plead guilty to paying a consultant $15,000 to boost her daughter's SAT score.

TMZ caught a picture of Huffman "showing off" in the prison yard, sporting a teal jumpsuit and glowing with her ~makeup-free look~.

Prison Felicity Huffman and Pierre Delecto are about to be all over your Halloween parties.


3. Meghan Markle, because she's struggling under the racist British press.

Protect Meghan at all costs.

A new documentary about Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan's Royal Tour to Africa aired in the UK last night, and it was surprisingly raw compared to the usual royal pomp and pageantry (a term that's Olde English for "bullsh*t.")

In one of the interviews, Meghan revealed that she was warned by her British friends not to date Prince Harry.

"I had no idea," she said. "Which probably sounds difficult to understand here, but when I first met my now husband, my friends were really happy because I was so happy, but my British friends said to me, 'I’m sure he’s great, but you shouldn't do it because the British tabloids will destroy your life.'"

Viewers got a glimpse at how little normal human empathy Meghan experiences in her day-to-day life when, with pain in her eyes, she thanked the reporter for simply asking her whether or not she was is okay.

"I never thought that this would be easy, but I thought it would be fair, and that’s the part that’s really hard to reconcile," Meghan said of the constant press scrutiny.

Prince Harry also opened up about experiencing flashbacks to the trauma of the death of his mother, Princess Diana, and the fear that he could again lose a loved one after they were hounded by paparazzi.

"I think that being part of this family and part of this role and this job — every single time I see a camera, every single time I hear a click, every single time I see a flash, it takes me straight back," he said.

"I will not be bullied into playing a game that killed my mum," he added, which is a heartbreaking thing to hear from anybody, with or without a crown.

Meanwhile, Prince Andrew allegedly participated in an orgy on Jeffrey Epstein's Pedophile Island.

Now that's royal clickbait worth pursuing, unlike Meghan eating avocado toast.

This is a real article that was published. No wonder they're so upset.

2. Lizzo, because she's been accused of plagiarism and copyright infringement.

She may be 100% that b*tch, but her songs might not be 100% hers.

Songwriter and producer Justin Raisen put Lizzo on blast on Instagram, accusing her #1 hit "Truth Hurts" of being a ripoff of a song they worked on together.

In April 2017, Raisen and Lizzo worked on a song called "Healthy," and both the chords and "DNA test" line sound damningly similar to "Truth Hurts."

View this post on Instagram

The Truth about “Truth Hurts” On April 11th, 2017, we wrote a song called “Healthy” w/ Lizzo, Jesse St John, and Yves Rothman at our studio. “I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch” was taken from “Healthy” and used in “Truth Hurts”. We were never contacted about being credited for the use of the parts of “Healthy” (melody, lyrics, and chords) that appear in “Truth Hurts”. After reaching out to Ricky Reed and Lizzo’s team about fixing it, we put the song in dispute in 2017 when it came out. We’ve tried to sort this out quietly for the last two years, only asking for 5% each but were shutdown every time. Coming forward publicly to family, friends, artists, and colleagues seems to be the only way at this point in relieving some of our emotional distress caused by this. The last thing we want to do is throw any negativity toward Lizzo’s momentum and movement as a cultural figure. If we believe in what she’s preaching, believing in ourselves & our own voices is something we thought she’d understand. Shout out to the singer Mina Lioness ( @minalioness ) for tweeting “I just did a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch”. A meme of that came up in our writing session & inspired the lyric and melody we wrote together. If Ricky and Lizzo’s team decide to settle this dispute with us, we would like to share some of the proceeds with Mina for her influence on Healthy. The clip below shows a video & photos from the day we wrote “Healthy” along with the comparisons between the two works. All the Love, Justin & Jeremiah Raisen #lizzo #truthhurts #healthy #billboard

A post shared by Justin Raisen (@justinraisen) on

Raisen posted the receipts, playing both "Healthy," "Truth Hurts," and then the two simultaneously.

"We've tried to sort this out quietly for the last two years, only asking for 5% each but were shutdown every time," Raisen and his collaborator Jeremiah wrote.

The story has gone beyond Instagram, getting picked up by The New York Times and making it to TV.

Somebody come get this man...I think he got lost in Lizzo's DMs.


1. The San Diego woman whose van was overrun by over 300 rats.

A woman with two rats quickly became a woman with over 320 rats.

The San Diego Tribunereports that what started as two rats rapidly multiplied, and the "clawed their way into upholstery, gnawed through the engine wiring. They hid in door panels, burrowed into the seats."

That sentence is chilling to read, and even worse to experience. A GoFundMe has been set up to help the accidental rat mom, and the rats are being put up for adoption. If you're in the market for between one and 320 rats, it's your lucky day.

16 experts share common knowledge in their field that is 'next-level smart' to anyone else.

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Once you become an expert on something, it's easy to forget that not everyone has the same breadth of knowledge as you do.

Becoming a master of your trade takes time, patience, years of experience and practice. If someone has never done your job, it's pretty likely that they don't know anything about the little things you take for granted every day. A good rule to live by is that if someone's job looks easy, it's probably because they're incredibly good at it. A ballerina's seemingly effortless leap took years of dedication, and that bartender isn't just pouring liquids. Flight attendants aren't just airplane waitresses. You dentist is doing a lot more than checking for cavities.

So, when a recent Reddit user asked:

"What is common knowledge in your field, but if you told us, we would think your next level smart?"

Masters everywhere were ready to share what makes their skill-set unique.

1. Bridge magic, "HighTide49."

Bridges aren't fixed at both sides, they're traditionally pinned on one side (with two big super-pins), and just rest unfixed at the other end. This helps avoid additional stress as the bridge flexes during use and expands/contracts with temperature change.

2. Welp this is terrifying, "silent_hvalross."

Aircraft structural engineer here.

Every airplane you’ve ever flown on or ever will fly on has cracks in the structure all over the place. It’s very very common. And to add insult to injury, if an exterior crack or hole is found that could compromise the integrity of some non critical area like the leading edge of the vertical stabilizer or some piece of engine housing, the standard procedure is to just put some fancy duct tape over it until they can get it in a maintenance hanger.

Oh and also in my personal experience every aircraft is also probably missing about 20 or so fasteners or screws without anyone knowing.

(But on the bright side so nobody freaks out, aircraft are also commonly way over engineered with several backup structures so no one failure can down a plane without another failure somewhere else.)

3. Red roses are the "Budweiser of flowers," "NormanVename."

When buying roses for someone, give the head a gentle squeeze-if it’s fresh it will be firm. If it’s squishy, it’s no good.

Don’t get married near Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day. The flowers will be twice as expensive and twice as shitty.

Lastly, florists don’t jack up the prices on red roses on v-day to mess with you. Our wholesalers raise the prices because they have to put so much energy into growing red roses that will bloom at the right time. We never really use them except v-day and maybe Christmas. So it’s really all the people out there ordering red roses that are driving up the price. I hate them personally. Red roses are like the Budweiser of flowers. Get your sweetie a shit load of tulips, or better yet a live plant. And baby’s breath smells like cat piss and dirty socks. Ask for wax flower, it smells like lemons.

4. The old credit card trick always works, "copnonymous."

It's actually super easy to pick most locks used on homes. I could teach a complete novice the basics in 15 minutes. It's a scary thought, but on the other hand that means more people are being law abiding citizens and not breaking into your home.

Edit: I should've been clearer, I work as private security as well as a consultations for designing secure architecture.

5. I believe this, "FormerlyKnownAsKing."

A urinary tract infection can cause mental health issues to intensify.

6. All rooftops are sloped! "JaMimi1234."

Flat roofs are not flat. People always ask how we make sure the water runs to the eaves. The roof is sloped.

7. This makes sense, "tanyandrew."

"Just reboot it"/"Turn it off and on again" as a working solution to most technical problems. People are always surprised when it works and probably think I know this fix only because I earned my master's degree in computer-related field.

8. This is amazing, "mikcog."

Pilot's can fly an aircraft from one airport to another completely in the clouds, and can line up with a runway and land without seeing anything out the window. All navigation and lining up can be done precisely using nothing but a radio.

9. Every cocktail is liquor, citrus and sugar. "shitpost90000."

Citrus helps cut the bite of liquor when mixing drinks (almost common knowledge) but softer citrus helps with stronger liquor. For example, orange juice or pineapple juice is better for cutting tequila or vodka shots instead of lime or lemon juice.

Basically a good cocktail will have 3/4 - 1oz citrus, 1/2 - 3/4 oz of some sweetener, and 1 1/2 oz of liquor. That's a good ratio to start with if you want to look fancy.

10. Wow, "GenXer1977."

Airlines don’t raise their prices because they see you looking at a ticket in order to panic you into buying. They use a system from the 70’s that requires you to take a seat out of inventory in order to see the price, and if you don’t buy, the seat doesn’t go back right away. So if you check the same flight on 10 different sites looking for the lowest fare, there could be 10 seats that have been taken out of their inventory, which triggers an automatic price increase. About half the time, if you just wait until the next day, the seats will go back into inventory and the price will go back down to what it originally was.

11. This is upsetting, "migistia."

Wall Street guys like to bet on each other and spend a fortune doing it - it's like a rite of passage. For instance they'll challenge a new hire to drinking a cup of spit for 10k, and actually pay them to do it.

12. Good to know, "neuroscience_nerd."

I study neuroscience, so everyone thinks I’m a brain surgeon or a mad scientist.

But anyway, did you know that your memories are stored in specific networks of cells? I can target these memories specifically with a virus, and then “force” their recall through the use of a technique called optogenetics.

13. Interesting, "biomeddent."

That you shouldn’t rinse with water or mouthwash after brushing your teeth.

Just spit out Excess toothpaste and leave the rest so the fluoride remains in contact with your teeth for longer for protection.

Rinsing essentially eliminates the reasoning behind making toothpaste fluoridated

14. Half full is fine, "Mina111406."

If you're given instructions to give a "clean catch" urine sample (using Castile soap wipes, start going a bit, THEN pee into the cup), one look in my microscope can tell me if you followed those instructions.

Squamous epithelial cells are essentially like skin cells, and those along with other junk sit in your urethra between bathroom breaks. If you start peeing in the cup right away, that junk is in the mixture and not a true representation of what is going on. A culture would generally come back as worthless because there was too much other stuff in there.

If you're given the clean catch instructions, follow them. Otherwise I have to tell your nurse you need to pee again. When it hurts to pee, that's not easy and I understand that, but to find out what antibiotics can truly help your issue, I need a true mid-stream clean catch specimen.

Also, I promise, 99% of the time, urine cups never need to be more than half full.

15. Respect the ride! "Zozokv10."

Horses cant vomit.

Also, when you see those videos of their hooves getting trimmed, it doesn’t hurt them at all. Its made out of the same stuff our nails are.

Horseback riding is also actually exercise. Unless you are just sitting there walking in a straight line, its actually hard work. I regularly get sore in my legs and back just from a normal ride. There are also a shit ton of different things going on with your hands, legs, butt, and whole posture when you are riding which makes for a bit of a mental overload. Yes, it is not as much physical exercise as going for a run or something, but holy, cantering in collection on a course for a few minutes definitely gets you breathing hard.

16. It's ALIVE, "JtheGallant."

Bread dough is alive until you bake it in the oven.

17. Yikes, "Anonymal13."

The same formula used to calculate the time of death of a "fresh" corpse is also employed to determinate the age of fossils and half-life of radioactive isotopes.

27 servers share the best comeback they used on a rude customer.

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The hardest thing about working in the service industry, as any current or former server knows, is dealing with a rude customer who treats you like sh*t for hours and then rewards you for your patience with a 10% tip (the rudest customers are always the worst tippers it's a service industry guarantee). I always dealt with my rage by silently gritting my teeth, smiling, and binge drinking. But there are apparently many servers/waiters who are far braver than I.

Someone recently asked waiters/servers of Reddit: "what is the best clapback you've delivered to a rude customer?" These 27 stories are a server's fantasy come true:

1.) From Levlove:

Way back in the day when I worked in foodservice we had a customer who got a salad and when she was finished placed one of her hairs in the bowl in order to get it refunded, and got the complementary “I’m sorry” free bakery item. She did this every day. Finally the DM sat down at her table and told her this was her last day eating in the cafe, they would refuse her refund today and refuse her service in the future. She started to say something about the customer always being right and he just put up a hand to cut her off and said “you cause us to lose money every day. You’re absolutely not our customer, you are a liability, and you are no longer welcome here.”

Edit: Because many people have asked - it took embarrassingly long to get there. I worked in training support and the issue came to light during an associate level customer service class. They had been going with it for at least a few weeks, I’m not sure if the managers all knew what was going on, but I called their GM and DM after class and it was taken care of between the two of them by the end of that week.

2.) From ToxicHazard-:

Live in a small town, worked in a Fish and Chip shop (one of two in the town). We were a tourism town, and one of the main attractions was the award winning fish and chips (top 5 in the county while I was there).

People in the town believed we were in massive competition with the other shop, we weren't. We had 25+ staff, they had around 7-8 and we were serving thousands more customers than them per week or even per day in summer.

So, on the rare occasion whenever a customer got angry they would simply exclaim 'WELL IM GOING TO 'INSERT SUPPOSED COMPETITORS NAME HERE' INSTEAD, AND I WONT BE BACK'. Like it was a big deal and would really hurt our feelings/business. We would simply tell them that we don't want them back, and they should enjoy the food from the other shop.

We owned both shops.

3.) From MichelleDeaEst:

Not me, but my manager. Woman comes in every Sunday... and complains every Sunday. This past time, she said, “I won’t be coming back.” And he goes, “Alright, I’ll see you next week.”

4.) From Labelkilled:

I was a witness to a silent owning that I get giddy thinking of. Buddy of mine serving a table and the kid is around 8-10. Gives her an adult glass for her apple juice. Dad pipes up and says he doesn’t want her having all that sugar so he needed to take it away and come back with a kids sized one. My friend replied that the glasses are the same size, the adult size just looks bigger because they have thick bottoms. The dad responds that “the adult glass is clearly bigger and LIKE I SAID I don’t want her to have all that sugar”. My buddy is an asshole. He gives a super deliberate exaggerated nod, says nothing and marches to our little service alley behind the bar and re-emerges with a kids cup, sets it down beside the glass, picks up the glass and pours the adult glass lifting it progressively higher until the last drops he drops from like a foot over the glass and darts the fuck off to the kitchen without even looking at the guy like didn’t even exist. I died.

5.) From LemonInAGlass:

My brother was a waiter and was working with a really difficult woman. She ordered the salmon and asked when it got to her table if it was farm raised. She got mad at him because he didn’t mention that the salmon was farm raised when she was ordering even though it clearly states that it is farm raised on the menu. She ordered the chicken to replace the salmon and my brother said “I have to warn you, it’s farm raised”.

6.) From HidingWhoIAm5683:

"Why don't you get a REAL job?"

"Now if I did that, what would you have to bitch and be mad about?"

7.) From Machinations42:

Buncha drunks making a mess, wasting our time and harassing other tables.

Me: The manager has decided all off you need to leave. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone and your behavior warrants it.

Loudest drunk: Fuck it, we're never gonna come back to this shit hole.

Me: That's exactly the point. Please leave.

8.) From silverfin426:

When they say that they know places that are cheaper, I replied I have customers that pay more

9.) From Beccavexed:

We have sweet biscuits with icing on top. Every weekend this lady comes in, wants them fresh, with extra icing. But every time something is wrong, the main complaint being its too cold, probably due to the extra icing being on top of it, which we have told her repeatedly. Well, this last time she came in, we give her the biscuit, fresh out the oven , loaded down with icing, and she still says it’s cold. The manager tells her the only way to get it any hotter would be to melt the icing in the microwave, which we refuse to do. The lady has a conniption, demanding to know why. My manager, God love her, says “because sugar is hotter than the seven sons of hell when it’s heated up like that and no matter how much you deserved it, I be damned if I give you an excuse to have a lawsuit against us.”

10.) From Kathyt92:

Work for a moving company, customers always get mad when we dont have the equipment available for them when they show up last minute with no reservation. 'Well I'll just go to (competitor's name)!' Would always reply with exact directions 'Great they are a block north, on the right side. You cant miss em.' Never failed to get a disgusted scoff, but we would always see them again in an hour or so to set up a reservation when competitors didnt have any equipment either

11.) From skilldan:

Rude customer: I don't like (insert literally anything here), is Owner in? I know him. Me: (overly excited) OMG SAME I know him too! He's not here but I'm the manager on today so I'll help you out.

12.) From BooksRock:

Not at a restaurant but at BYU they're having Education week

Lady snapping fingers to student employee: Tell me where the Marriott Center is

Student employee snapping back: Try again

13.) From just_Exodus:

My manager gave a customer credit for an order then blocked her from delivery so she never was able to use it

14.) From idrathernot_:

Had a girl ordering a Pina Colada and then complaining about the coconut. She didn't like coconut. So I got her another drink and she goes: what are you going to do with that one? Will you throw it away?

I just looked at her, told her that I do like coconut and took a sip.

15.) From thekordo:

Table of 10, Sunday Brunch, fancy restaurant, I'm hungover. A crowd swarms in at opening and my whole section is sat at once. I'm efficient and cool, I'm used to this.

I get to the big table and preface that water is being brought as we speak, then begin taking everyone's drink order. As I'm taking orders around the table, one woman blurts out that she wants water and not to forget the water, interrupting her friends and family as they make their requests. I acknowledge her each time until after the 4th time saying, 'if you ask for water again, I'll make sure everyone here gets water but you.' she sinks back in her chair looking dumbfounded and I go put in the order then head to the bar.

16.) From pineapplepokesback:

Woman complained about her cocktail, saying she couldn’t taste the alcohol, could we make it stronger. It was already a double, but we added a splash. She still couldn’t taste it, could we add more?

She was obviously drunk when she arrived and angling to get more drunk as cheap as possible. Which is why I took her cocktail, apologized that it wasn’t to her liking, and said I’d take it off her bill, effectively cutting her off for the night.

17.) From yeti-architect:

"I'm never coming back here again!"

"Great! We don't want you back here."

18.) From theprettyflaKo:

obligatory not me but...

rude lady to gay cashier: "sorry I don't speak gay"

cashier: "don't worry, I'm fluent in bitch"

19.) From whiskey0041:

Served in Muskoka, Ontario years ago, lots of celebrities in the area for the summer, served Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn burgers, Martin Short, Dan akroyd etc. Had a local nobody who thought he was a big shit celebrity. would never tip and would always crumple up both copies of the visa bill into a tiny little ball, even chew on it till it was the size of a spitball. So this ass hat comes in with a bunch of friends and treats them all to supper, $600 bill, crumples up the visa bills again into the tiny little ball and flicks it at me with a grin on his face. I swiftly kick it off the patio and into the lake our patio is on, he sees this and says infront of the table,"guess you won't know what your tip is now" I tell the table flat out he never tips anyways so no loss,.and walk away. They leave, I call the police on a dine and dash because there is no evidence this guy paid (it's in the lake now) and I deleted the pre auth from the debit machine, cops go to this guy's house and make him return to the restaurant to pay... he wasn't an asshole ever again.

20.) From VespineWings:

Host sat me a table with a couple and their toddler. The two sat on the same side of the booth, kissed, etc. so I knew they were a couple, but the woman looked much older. Like she looked terrible. I'm sure it was drug abuse of some kind, but it was noticeable.

So she's super rude to me the entire time. She asked for her eggs over easy hard. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Ma'am, your eggs can be over easy, which is kind of runny, or over hard where they're fully cooked.

Her: Oh, bless your heart, you have no idea do you?

Me: Ma'am?

Her: Why don't you get me a real server, and he can make my eggs the way I like them.

Me: Uhh, ma'am I know how eggs are cooked. Over easy hard doesn't tell me anything. Do you want them over medium?

Her: How hard is your job? Honestly, how hard is it to just serve people eggs?

I'd had it. I gave her order to the cook, and of course he asked me what she meant. I told him to just make them over medium, as I felt like that was what she meant. I gave her the eggs and she sighed real heavy.

Her: I'm sorry, was my order too hard? Did ya not understand me? What the hell kind of place is this that nobody can make me eggs?

I took a deep breath, and said this:

"Ma'am... I apologize to you, your son, and your grandson. Let me go ahead and comp your meal."

Her face twisted up and got so red I thought it was going to pop off of her face.

"THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND THAT'S MY SON!!"

Ohh boy, it was so worth it.

"WHERE IS YOUR MANAGER!! I NEED YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW!!

I got my manager. He yelled at me in the office, but couldn't prove that I was purposefully disingenuous. So I didn't even get written up. It was awesome.

21.) From whatisachelsea:

I worked at a restaurant in my hometown for years, and the most common rude thing customers would pull was lifting their empty cup with ice in it and shaking it at me, implying they needed a refill. My response was always the same - “Are you making music or did you need something?” Use your words, asshats. I’m not your dog.

22.) ​​​​​​​From Dapli:

I'm quite feminine for a guy. I don't mind what people say or think about me so I get confused for gay sometimes. That it's important for later.

As I was working as cashier a guy just went to me and started to say, and I'm QUOTING him "I don't understand how many gay people works in this restaurant, I don't even know if I want to eat here anymore" Lots of my coworkers are gay and the way he said was... Not exactly kindly. So, when his meal was ready nobody wanted to give it to him so I just did what any sane person would do in my position...

I took his meal and you bet I fucking became a fucking disney princess for like 5 minutes straight, walking like a model, calling him sweet names, being extremely touching and giving him the best attention I could. It was so fun!

23.) From utrage:

On my last night as a delivery driver I was told to keep the change on $12.98 as my tip. I responded by rummaging through my change pouch, took out two pennies and tossed them back saying “if I wanted your two cents I would have asked you a fucking question”, and walked away. Was my final delivery ever and well worth it.

24.) ​​​​​​​From strangersnames:

For context, I’m a female in my 20’s working at a fine dining restaurant. This older guy kept giving me crap all night. Doing stuff like ordering crudités and then calling it rabbit food and sending it back.
At the end of the meal he says: Where do I put this comment card? Me: see that black box over there? Right in there! Guy: Did you just ask me to stuff your box?! ;) ;) ;) Me: ...mine isn’t black sir. I need to actually help people now.

His friends started cracking up and his face turned bright red. I don’t understand people who make in appropriate comments like that I’m public. It made the entire meal uncomfortable and his friends were clearly not impressed by the way he was treating me.

25.) From Dapli:

I had more than one of these encounters since I worked as a waiter for quite a while.

I remember a Karen wanting a sincere apology after insulting and berating one of my best friends there and since I was the one in charge I had to do it. So, with the biggest smile I could put on, I went to her and said "I'm SOOOO sorry for AAALL the things my coworker did to you, we all here know a lady like you deserves different so let me help you..." She was smiling like the crazy bitch she was thinking she won, but then I added "Let me go with you to the door so you could find a restaurant that serves your kind... Since you are not welcome here anymore"

She was fumming, I still remember his face lol, then as she was leaving I said something like "I hope you have a day as WONDERFUL as you deserve :)"

She complained to management but since I was always the "good guy" at work and my coworkers didn't say a thing they let it pass.

26.) From lIIllIIlIIl:

I slipped a napkin with a lipstick kiss and the text ‘it was great... you were great... let’s do it again’ in the pocket of a man’s jacket.

The same man who openly mocked my colleague (she has down’s syndrome) in front of his whole Christian family.

27.) From Gorsham:

I'm not a server but I thought you folks might like this one anyways. I worked at Target a few years ago. When it's time to close a speaker warns you 15 or so minutes early and asks you to rap things up. This lady is going threw cloths at the speed of snail. Taking her sweet time. Recording plays again we are closing ECT. I walk up to her and pretend I know sign language and start fake signing. She asks what are you doing I replied I'm sorry I thought you were deaf.

Mom watching friend's baby asks if she was wrong for breastfeeding it.

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As the saying should go, no good mom goes unpunished. A new mom shared her story on Reddit about how she offered to take care of her best friend's baby, despite having a new baby herself, to help the friend who is suffering from postpartum depression. She ended up having to breastfeed her friend's baby herself when she realized the friend had not left her with any formula and wouldn't respond to her calls or texts. When the friend finally returned, she yelled at the woman and then proceeded to talk sh*t about her online. What a mess.

The woman explains that her BFF, who gave birth to her first child about eight weeks ago, has been "disconnected" from her baby, in part because she has been suffering from postpartum depression and also because she "never wanted kids."

My best friend of ten years gave birth to her first child about eight weeks ago. She never wanted kids and she disconnected from her pregnancy and never really connected to the baby after he was born either. She has really bad postpartum depression so I've been trying to help, however I gave birth to my second child about two weeks after she had her baby so I'm needed at home with my family.

The woman kindly offered to give her friend some respite by taking care of her baby for a day, despite having a 6-week-old newborn herself.

I could tell she was getting stressed so I offered to take the baby for a day so she could have downtime. She brought him over and we put the babies together. Her son has a really bad digestion problem so he can't ingest regular formula, only breastmilk or special formula. She doesn't breastfeed so he takes the special formula. I asked her if she had packed diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, and bottles in his diaper bag and she said yes. Then she left.

The friend's baby has a "bad digestion problem" and can only ingest breastmilk or special formula. But when the baby got hungry and needed to be fed, the woman realized her friend had not packed his special formula.

For the first three hours everything was fine, the babies chilled out together, we all played, I put on some music and danced around for them. My baby needed a feed so I fed her and then about thirty minutes later Best Friend's baby needed a feed. I went to fix him a bottle and realized she hadn't packed his formula. When I asked if she had packed bottles she answered literally, but I never specified if she packed formula as well, I thought it was given. *My baby is exclusively on breastmilk right now and everything I have is frozen and it takes time for frozen milk to unfreeze.

After texting her and calling her four times and it going to voicemail, the baby was "crying and screaming." The woman was unable to take both babies to the store, so she was left with no choice but to breastfeed him herself.

I tried calling her about four times and she kept sending me to voicemail so I text her. She had read receipts on so I know she saw my texts. I kept trying to call and she just wouldn't answer me. I couldn't go to the store and get a jar of formula because she didn't leave me his car seat and I only had my infant's seat. My older child is seven and doesn't need an infant seat anymore. I don't know my neighbors and other than my husband I don't have family in the area. At this point the baby was crying and screaming so hard I thought he might get sick or hurt. So I sat down and breastfed him myself.

When her friend finally returned, she "freaked out" at her for breastfeeding her kid. To make things worse, she blocked her on social media before saying "awful things" about her online.

I'm completely healthy, just got a flu shot and a clean bill of health from both my OB and my GP and I have no diseases so the baby was not at risk for anything. Best Friend finally returned three and a half hours later. I remained calm but told her that she can't leave her child with someone and not answer when that person calls and texts because it might actually be a serious emergency; and that she also hadn't packed any of the baby's special formula. I told her how badly he got upset and how worried I was so I breastfed him myself. She freaked out on me and accused me of some horrible things and then left. She blocked me on social media, something I learned when a mutual friend told me Best Friend was saying some awful things about me online. I don't know what to do, I can't even talk to her about this.

I thought I was doing the right thing but maybe I was wrong. AITA?

The woman, who "thought she was doing the right thing," took to Reddit to ask others to weigh in on whether she was wrong to breastfeed her friend's kid in this "emergency" situation.

Most commenters agree that if anyone is the a**hole in this story, it's most definitely the mom who left her baby with a friend with no food then yelled at her for feeding it.

BigsChungi writes:

This story is wild. I'd honestly prefer this over starving my child. Your friend had a very odd reaction... NTA.

Many are pointing out, understandingly, that it sounds like this other mom is suffering from severe postpartum depression and subsequent mental health issues. So she may not be an "a**hole" but she certainly needs help.

wetcardboardsmell writes:

You can worry and be upset, but your friend sounds like she is suffering from intense postpartum psychosis and, or, postpartum depression and anxiety. I can't imagine leaving my child with somebody and not checking my phone or not sending them with literally everything they need, food obviously for an infant with special dietary needs. Please dont take it personally. Try really hard to know you did everything you could and you FED THE BABY which is the most important thing here. I'm sorry your friend is struggling. I hope she gets help. NTA.

RomulaFour agrees, writing:

Your friend has much bigger problems than being mad at you for breastfeeding her hungry child. Long ago many wealthy families hired a "wetnurse" specifically to breastfeed and raise their babies and this was the norm. Hopefully your friend will get the help she needs and you can preserve your friendship, but there's nothing you did wrong here.

Others are praising the woman and saying they would be grateful to her for what she did to help the baby.

snoozywaifu writes:

If I was in such a bad place as your friend I would be beyond happy (well, ppd allowing) that my baby's needs were met- for food, nursing contact, and those sweet sweet immunoglobulins. I would also feel like even more of a piece of shit for not meeting those needs myself. I'm sure she was just incapable of regulating those shitty shitty feelings. I guess maybe (because some people think wet nursing is weird) you could have pumped and bottle fed, but honestly I would have done the same thing. You're a great friend and a great nurturer.

And many are saying they would've done the same thing if they were in that situation.

PeskyStabber writes:

To be fair, by the time she finally took matters into her own hands (after calling the mom repeatedly, called SO and friends for help, etc), that baby was probably screaming his little lungs out wanting to eat. I would have taken the path of least resistance as well. Every second it would have taken to pump is one more second having to listen to him holler w hunger. Not sure I would have had the fortitude to make him wait for pumped milk either.

Postpartum depression is no joke and hopefully this friend will get the help she needs. And when she does, hopefully she'll apologize to this woman and thank her for doing what needed to be done to keep the baby safe and fed.

20 cruise ship employees share the dramas they've had to keep secret from guests.

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Cruise ships can transform from a luxurious vacation into a Titanic reenactment very quickly. While the guests lounge on the deck with margaritas, the crew is often silently putting out fires, stowing away fresh bodies, and performing overall damage control. In most workplaces, it's not the end of the world for guests to overhear the presence of small issues, but on a boat in the middle of the ocean it can create major panic.

This pressure to pacify people's fears of sinking to the bottom of the ocean with a gigantic ship creates a whole underbelly of work for cruise crew members. There are special emergency codes, secret jails, fridges to covertly store dead people, and plenty of juicy stories shared in the crew bar.

In a popular Reddit thread, cruise ship employees shared the wild stories they had to conceal from the guests, and it'll make you want to stay on land.

1. DaniSeeh was relieved the cheaters survived.

One time I was on a cruise, and a few cabins down a man and woman who were cheating on their wife and husband, respectively, got super drunk and fell over the edge of their balcony. From really high up. It was at night too.

The whole cruise ship stopped once it was reported and it took like an entire day to search for them. Apparently the man had his jeans or something because he had inflated them somehow and they were floating holding them.

They reported that they were stung by multiple jelly fish and were super cold the whole time. That must have been the scariest most terrible eighteen hours of their lives.

2. myjobisawesome had to ration toilet paper.

Water pipe burst in a store room and soaked ALL of the spare toilet paper. This was on day 2 of a 14 day voyage to Antarctica. The cabin stewards had to swap around rolls of paper between "low use" and "high use" guest cabins and it came right down the wire. None of the guests found out or realized. Now toilet paper is hidden in every cabin instead of a centralized location.

3. SchruteFarmsInc had to manage a death.

Ship just arrived in Whittier, Alaska (the port for Anchorage) and an elderly passenger dropped dead while walking down the gangway. A conflict ensues between the port security and the ship's medical team. The port security didn't want the ship's medical team to get involved because it technically happened off the ship and the local authorities had jurisdiction. There really was no saving the guy but the ship's medical team at least wanted to try but the local authorities wouldn't even allow the chief medical officer to start CPR.

The coroner had a ~6 hour ETA so the port authorities bagged up the body and stuffed it in an x-ray machine storage container in port (guarded by local police) until the coroner could arrive to take the body to Anchorage. The wife of the deceased continued on to finish the vacation for the 7-day rail trip to Denali (it was a 14-day gimmick... 7 days at sea, 7 day scenic rail trip). My understanding was the cruise line comped her entire vacation, arranged for the remains to be returned home at no cost to her, and provided a personal escort/assistant for the remainder of her vacation.

4. rjdac could fill a few books full of stories.

I used to be a crew member, and one time a guy working at the front desk jumped overboard after a crew party. He was found a few hours later by the coast guard, and everybody was asked to be discrete in order to keep the cruise running smooth, and everything was fine until the captain came on the PA and said we were delayed because a crew member jumped overboard. Then the madness begins, rumors appear out of nowhere, and the rest of the cruise was pretty much guests asking what happened the whole time.

A lot of shit happens onboard, I could write a book, maybe even more than one.

Another time a guy committed suicide in his cabin, and his family was onboard, including a little girl, but this time it didn’t leak to the guests. I saw the family as they were being escorted to the security office, felt so bad for them

A friend of mine got fired for getting wasted, got pissed and starting peeing all over his cabin while the security guys were there to take care of him. He spent the night in the little jail onboard before being dumped the next day in whatever port we were

Also, every time we had ice cream at the crew restaurant, people would say it was because they had to empty the freezer to put a dead body.

5. trustustoo replaced a dead guy in the band.

My Oh Shit moment was when I was hired for a ship on 2 day notice (trombone player). When I got on the ship I found out that I was replacing a guy who had just died in a jet skiing accident in Nicaragua. Everyone in the crew knew it (and the last cruise's passenger knew it) and the entire band that I was joining was obviously traumatized. In the end, it ended up being my favorite contract, but the first few weeks were difficult for everyone. RIP bone guy, I never knew you, but I know they all loved you.

6. Rally_Blue was on a cruise with no engine.

I provide software and services for most of the major cruise lines and spend a lot of time “cruising”. On the new builds is when you see a lot of crazy stuff happening.

When a brand new ship is built they have to go through what’s called Sea Trials. This is a full systems check for multiple reasons, biggest ones being safety, emissions, and engine/navigation testing. This happens without passengers, and a lot of stuff breaks usually. They will list the ship (lean it all the way to one side) as hard as they can and hold position while doing a circle or figure eight pattern in the water. I had a ~600lb wine cooler (fully stocked) fall face down about 12” away from me while installing a PC at a bar.

It sounded like a stick or dynamite exploding from the pressure of all the bottles hitting and simultaneously breaking. I froze staring at it and as I started to come out of the initial shock, four security crew members came running around the corner, no one else around except me and about $10k in broken wine (and the cooler wasn’t cheap either). I just stuck my hands in the air, and slowly exited the scene. I’m pretty sure if I was standing one foot to the right it wouldn’t have been pretty for me. Found out the yard workers forgot to bolt it down (as per protocol), oops.

One story that comes to mind with passengers (travel agents and family) was the first sailing out of the yard. The ship can hold about 4,500 passengers, she’s a big girl, and has 5 or 6 massive engines to power it. About 3 hours into the sail away I heard a loud thump and massive vibrations all around, I was in an empty restaurant and saw plates and cups crashing to the ground from the vibrations.

My first thought is to always see how the crew reacts, if they are calm, you can stay calm..if they freak out, you better start moving. I could see some concern but they continued on with their business, so I followed their lead and continued doing my work too. About 3-4 hours after that another loud thump and even more vibrations ....then silence. After speaking with a few crew members, found out we lost 2 engines on the initial incident, and now we just lost the rest. Whatever the reason was, we lost complete propulsion and this beast of a ship was going to go wherever the ocean wanted it to.

Passengers were notified that we will be running late but to continue having fun and drinks were on the house, no other info was given (smart to avoid panic). About 12 hours later a helicopter was scene (early AM hours) above us dropping down crates of engine parts, and a short time after that, we had propulsion again....and passengers had no idea why we were delayed and didn’t seem to care.

7. ElGofre's colleague got shot.

Somebody shot at the navigation bridge of the ship from the shore on my last ship, the bullet bounced off and hit my colleague on the hand (no real damage but it scares the hell out of her, ended up going home for a few weeks). While we waited for the local police to come on and investigate and take statements, guests were told we were delaying the departure to take on fresh water. I'm still shocked that never leaked out.

EDIT: Oh wow, my highest rated comment ever and I have no idea if it's because it's my cake day, an unintentional pun or because people actually found my story interesting. Either way, thanks guys

8. Mr_Happy_80 knows the tech truth.

All of the computer systems run on Windows 7, including all of the automation in the machinery space, security system, fire detection system etc. When Windows updates it will restart the computers, as it does with a normal desktop, unfortunately it can also take out every computer at the same time and we're flying blind until it finishes.

People may be more worried to hear that there is a hole in the hull yet they're actually fairly common occurrances in older ships and easily plugged.

Fires happen occasionally. The most terrifying was a crankcase explosion. The fire suppression systems are good at extinguishing them quickly enough though so they're not even a concern to the crew, unless Windows is updating at the time.

Edit: A crankcase explosion doesn't mean the engine is in pieces. Oil mist inside the crankcase explodes and the resulting blast it pushed out through the blast doors. Also the fire suppression system is independent, that was a joke, the monitoring system is Windows based and just means we can't see what sensors or which sprinklers have been activated. The speed and fueling controls on an engine are mechanical and the local control is pneumatic so keeping it running isn't a concern. All of the auxiliary systems are controlled by the computer system and are passed in to local control, and controlled by the watch keeper, if and when it occurs.

9. ostiarius knows that death and fires aren't uncommon on cruises.

-There are small fires in places like the kitchens that happen somewhat regularly. Most of the time they're controlled quickly and no one even knows they happened.

-People drop dead all the time, especially on some of the nicer lines that are basically floating retirement homes. Ironically it's when there's a survivable medical emergency that guests become aware of it, when they need to do an emergency evacuation either by tender boat or helicopter.

-One of the ships I worked on a guest jumped off an open deck while we were at sea. He survived though, I think he was super drunk more than he was suicidal.

-Norovirus outbreaks happen regularly. That's a literal "oh shit" moment for some people.

Edit: Probably the worst accident that happened during my tenure was when a kid literally put his eye out on a ball valve handle on one of the open decks. Pretty sure word spread quickly on that one though.

Edit2: Sorry to disappoint everyone, but I don't know u/too-tsunami. I'm sure similar things have happened before, there's hundreds of thousands of people cruising at any given moment, and many of them are getting shit faced.

10. rothmaniac was on a cruise where they had to keep a man from his ex-girlfriend.

I worked on a ship almost 15 years ago. Many stories. This happened to a friend of mine. A family came on. They had a teenage son, who was not interested in the cruise. As soon as the family got to their room, he jumped off his balcony (which is insanely dangerous). They fished him out, and the family got kicked off the ship.

Another fact, there is a small jail like area, called a brig. On my ship it was on the crew floor, and it had a one way mirror. Usually it was used for drunk or disruptive passengers. We once had an entertainer find out his ex was coming on the ship. That made him a little stabby, so they put him in the brig until the next port.

11. too-tsunami worked on a cruise where a drunk man danced himself into the ocean.

I worked on a cruise ship for three years! I've got a lot of these kinds of stories, but here's my favorite one:

Our ship officers got a call from a ship of a completely different cruise line, off the coast of Cozumel, Mexico. They found one of our passengers floating in the ocean. He wasn't even near the shore at all, just floating in open water. He was alive & perfectly fine.

They reviewed the security footage, & in the middle of the night this guy was drunk on Deck 5, & could be seen holding his phone, dancing to music by himself. He then climbed onto one of the lifeboats, & did a RUNNING JUMP into the ocean. He left his phone on top of the lifeboat. His body was so fluid from being drunk that he wasn't injured when he hit the water. The cruise ship spotted him & rescued him. His family didn't know he was missing because he had booked a separate room.

This guy told the news that a rogue wave pushed him off the side of the ship. He was on Deck 5, so the wave would have been over 40 feet tall...

Don't know what happened after that. The entire crew was talking about it for weeks before it hit the news, though.

Edit: here’s the article on the incident! Some of you are asking if it was a suicide attempt, & I don’t believe it was. He was dancing for a while by himself & seemed to be just really really drunk & having a good time. He was screaming for help when he was rescued, but ultimately he’s the only one who would know.

Edit 2: I am relaying the information I heard through the grapevine from security & other crew members. I don’t know if being drunk helped him survive the fall into the water, that’s just what I was told from several people onboard.

12. Lacklusterbeverage played music on a shit-soaked stage.

I was playing a production show (guitar) was standing on stage with a wireless unit alone to play Purple Rain, and then all of the sudden the house lights came on and the curtains closed. Everyone in the audience looked at me, and I ran off the stage. Turns out a sewage pipe burst backstage and there was shit everywhere. Show was canceled and the passengers didn't find out why.

13. coloradodusk was on board for the panic.

We were sailing from Hawaii to San Francisco to dry dock and make repairs to our ship, when a propellor crapped out a day and a half into what should have only been 7 days at sea, so it added a day and a half to the voyage. People were panicking. Everyone thought we were going to run out of food, until the captain reminded everyone we had enough food for a month at sea, and if it was any longer, some perishables might spoil, but they could fly in supplies in an emergency if needed. We arrived in San Francisco with no more delays. Anticlimatic, I know.

On a side note, watching a giant cruise ship getting lifted out of the water to dry dock is surreal as hell. Also, sailing under the Golden Gate bridge and looking up from the 13th deck was super surreal. I was hoping the whole time we were going to clear it. It was probably only about 50 feet above my head.

14. ManInKilt was on board when a member of kitchen staff killed himself.

Well, all the passengers found out, but on a QM2 transatlantic crossing one of the kitchen staff got drunk one night and hurled himself overboard in the North Atlantic. The ship basically found out the next morning when the first mate kept calling on the ship wide intercom for him to go to his post. That afternoon, the captain announced what happened and that the ship was turning around to, with the help of 3 nearby merchant ships, try to search for the him.

Of course it was foggy as hell and you couldn't see 100 yds but just about everyone was on the railings with binoculars trying to search for the poor guy. A wedding even stopped onboard, the whole party out looking once the announcement came that we were in the search area. After (shockingly) nothing was found, the concierge desk set up a multinational-currency donation box to send to his family back in Chile. There were 4 days left in the trip at that point and every day that box was stuffed to capacity...I hope it helped them.

15. idontmindtherain78 still remembers the storm.

I was a cruise ship worker for a few years and on a route between two cities there was a really bad storm. So a few minutes after the passengers got off, the storm got so rough that the ship was ripped off the docks and drifted out to sea. Because it takes quite a while to start up the engines it took some time until we got back to the harbor. Not really dangerous, but if it had happened while the passengers were deboarding it could have gone badly.

EDIT: This happened in Sweden a few years back. Don’t know enough about engines to explain why they take so long to start up, but to the people calling bullshit, here is an article about the incident in Swedish https://www.expressen.se/nyheter/vader/viking-line-farjan-slet-sig-i-askovadret/?utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=social_sharing&utm_source=sms

16. cymbal_king found out a sister ship sank.

Was a passenger who found out...

I was on the Costa Serena in January 2012. Just cruising around the Mediterranean. Woke up one morning and ALL of the crew and wait staff at breakfast we're stone cold and depressed looking. They made us do an extra life boat drill that morning, to all of our confusion. Found out later that day that our sister ship, the Concordia, sank overnight but didn't have many other details.

My now wife wasn't on the trip and didn't know the exact name of the ship I was on..and found out before us. She was terrified till the next morning when I could get on to the ship's internet connected computer.

We also found out the crew was especially depressed because a lot of them had family on the other ship and very little information.

Took a few days, but things got back to fairly normal. I just remembered doing life boat drills and thinking they were a waste of time...learned that lesson.

Edit: u/MarioisKewl reminded me about the extra life boat drill, added that detail

17. tanzy95 knows the secret emergency codes.

I work on cargo ships but I've trained with cruise ship workers so I've heard a few stories. I read your comment below and generally the news only picks up on accidents on ships if its a major accident involving a lot of people. So pretty much only cruise ships and luckily besides the Costa Concordia its pretty rare these days.

I do know that they have codes when speaking about incidents though so to not alarm passengers. For example if someone is hurt/dead (quite common, if you have a heart attack at sea then your chances suck) and they need to call for help via tannoy they will use a code so the passengers don't know what they are talking about.

Also as someone else mentioned, certain cruise companies that attract older passengers have a seperate fridge for bodies because getting through a trip without a death is not so common.

18. CrashTestAstronaut's friend had to stay put because of a live mine.

My buddy is right next to me, we work on boats together but he used to work on a cruise ship, this is what he says "I have plenty of of oh shit moments but I'll give you my biggest oh shit moment, so we were stuck in the locks of Amsterdam for over 4 hrs and no indication of whats going on, after a few hrs had passed the captain came on the PA system and the reason we didn't leave was because there was a live mine from WW2 1km from the front of the ship" Sorry Im on mobile and had to condense the dialogue.

19. wanderinggal has lived through the fires.

Fires. I worked on a cruise ship for 2.5 years and we had 3 major fires. They were all in crew areas and were controlled and extinguished by our awesome fire team. The passengers never knew what happened, only that their waiter had to leave in the middle of dinner service. People don't realize how much training the crew members go through to handle these situations. And they will never know that their waiter just helped save the whole goddamn ship.

20. HairySquid68's friend has all the stories.

My buddy worked in the theatre on a cruise ship and always had fun stories from traveling around. Cool thing, beers are less than a buck in the crew bar. Bad thing, you always have to be sober enough to operate a life boat and man your station during an emergency. Crew members getting left in countries because they were off getting drunk and chasing cute locals. Old people dying and being put in a freezer on a low deck near one of their storage areas. Good times.


20 morticians share the most bizarre things that happened on the job.

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Most of us don't like to think about death too often, because it's a grim inevitability. But people who work as morticians or funeral directors traffic in dead bodies, and are often forced to face the many awful ways people's lives come to an end. On the flip side, they also gain a perspective on life few of us have.

Like any job, there are situations that are par for the course and stories that stand out. When you've worked with dead bodies for years it takes a lot to freak you out. The concept of the job itself is enough to make most people shudder.

In a popular Reddit thread, morticians and funeral workers shared the most bizarre, interesting, and haunting stories from the job, and I believe they all deserve massive raises.

1. DeathFrisbee2000's professor learned of the frozen girl.

A writing professor of mine used to work in small town journalism and decided to interview some folks from the local retirement home to get a close-up view of his town's history. One of his interviews was an ancient, retired mortician who told him a rather interesting story.

Shortly before 1920, two teens were going to a school dance in a blizzard. The carriage they had taken got stranded and the boy went for help. The girl unfortunately, froze to death in the carriage, in an upright, seated position. Apparently the mortician had to sit her in a rocking chair in front of the fire to thaw her out before he could go about his usual business.

2. darkerthanmysoul tried to piece a man's face back together.

I was a student at the time but my first ever bloater was brought in and once we “popped” him insides were outsides and everywhere. Would not recommend. On my first night shift I thought staff were fucking with me because I kept hearing what sounded like breathing... fresh body brought in and was releasing gas. I’d never dealt with anyone dying in the hour being brought in so it was scary hearing this body “breathing”. I’ve been there when family members have passed and witness breathing and limbs moving so I know it’s normal but as a student, the staff like the fuck with you.

Bizarre one was piecing a guy back together after he committed suicide by gunshot to the face. Family wanted an open casket. Had to try our best then ask one family member in to see if they still wanted open casket because we just didn’t feel like it was right. Dad come in, sees that no matter how we tried we couldn’t make him look the same as before and agrees that family shouldn’t see him this way. The day we delivered him to the funeral parlour, family changes their mind and has open casket anyway... found out rest of family didn’t know he shot himself in the face. We ended up getting a letter of complaint from other members of the family for the open casket.

I finished as a student a few days after but Would still love to be in that career though.

3. Grimcupcake has a string of stories.

Uncomfortable? Being trapped in the morgue alone during a hurricane, our morgue was basically in a basement type situation and the hospital was near a main waterway that flooded...I had to move all the bodies to the highest cabinets, pray the generators would keep everyone cold and was standing on my desk for about 2 hours when someone finally came for me.

Bizarre would be drowned guy who was DOA and once locked up in the cabinet a tapping noise started coming from him..it was a crab that had made itself at home inside him and when it got cold he wanted out.

Creepy was when we got some people who were doing bath salts and had eaten other people..they looked crazy even in death.

4. Wackydetective had to treat the body of a former friend.

Heard on the news a friend from my youth had been killed. I was terribly sad for him, he never could escape his demons and it led him down some terrible paths. Came into work a few nights later and there he was face completely bashed in by a rock. This wasn't the first time someone I knew ended up in our morgue, but certainly the saddest.

5. deruvoo had to embalm their former coworker.

The most bizarre happened when I was apprenticing. I worked with a senior funeral director on Sundays, just me and him. I’d been working for about 2 years when he passed away suddenly from simultaneous kidney/liver failure. The most surreal thing was transporting his body after the embalming was done, back to the funeral home where we worked.

6. ThrowawayF*CKTHEJETS's dad got clowned.

Dad was a coroner, IIRC, before switching to doctor. I can never remember the details correctly for the medical stuff but pretty much the body getting examined was a former birthday clown. There weren't any external wounds so he figured the cause of death was internal. The guy had gastroparesis which to my dad meant, "cool, stomach contents should be in good shape". His team opens the dude up and sees this flurry of fuck.

There's partially digested birthday cake, that edible confetti stuff, fucking streamers, and about a dozen pills of xanax next to all of it. Dad sifts through the stomach some more and sees what looks like a sponge of some kind. He pulls one out and it's a fucking sponge-dino that comes in those capsules you drop in water. He finds more, about a small biomes worth. He thought he was getting fucking pranked. The story pieces together as the clown decided to end it with the xanax and booze, he gets a store-bought cake and eats it with everything on it, then chases down some dino-sponges just for the hell of it.

7. Lonestarmami's town mortician got traumatized out of the job.

Doesn't exactly fit the criteria but I'm gonna tell the story anyway.... I come from a smallish town. We have one mortician and everyone knows him. His daughter dated my cousin during this period of time. One year, a different cousin got into a bad car accident right outside of the county and died on impact. Of course, they called it in and he was asked to come down to the scene and retrieve the body.

He was told the estimated age of the girl, the make of her vehicle and which direction she was driving on the highway. The age and vehicle make matched that of his daughter who was visiting her boyfriend at the time. He couldn't get a hold of his daughter so he showed up at the scene fully prepared to be picking up his own child. Sadly enough, this scared him so badly that this was the last funeral he ever performed. 8 years later and he still visits my deceased cousins parents regularly, just to check in. It's clearly stuck with him.

8. CylonsInAPolicebox's mom has the wildest story.

Not a mortician, this comes from my mother back when she was a teenager. Guy she knows takes a job with the local funeral home. He works the graveyard shift, all was well for the first few months. Dude is often weirded out at work, claims that the building is haunted. Earlier in the evening, they get a call from the hospital saying that they have a lady there ready for pickup. They pick her up, guy is freaking out, says he has a bad feeling. Later in the evening, mortician has to step out for a bit, leaving guy there alone with the dead lady. He goes about his work, still a little freaked out.

Suddenly he hears this low, soft moan... He swears it is just his mind playing tricks on him, goes about his business. He hears it again, little louder than last time, it is late, he is alone, he is just hearing things, probably just the pipes settling, the plumbing is old after all. Short time passes and it is louder, at this point he is sure he isn't just imaging things, he knows he heard the dead lady moan. His first though was the mortician was fucking with him, he has been shaken all evening and this asshole is pranking him.

He marches over, very funny you dick, yanks back the sheet covering the dead lady expecting to find the mortician somewhere around her... Dead lady grabs the guy's wrist... He lets out this scream and bolts for the door. Forgets his car, runs all the way home.

Turns out, old lady wasn't dead, hospital got it wrong (hooray 1950s medicine). She had been in a coma or something and they had been sure she had passed on earlier that morning. She woke up at the funeral home and scared the ever loving hell out of the assistant. He quit the next day, said he would never set foot there ever again.

9. aylandgirl's in-laws had to remove gold from a woman's body.

My ex inlaws were in the death business. They told me a story once about the county attorney whose wife passed away. The family was very wealthy and she had a mouth full of gold fillings. The attorney demanded that my inlaws retrieve the gold from her mouth. This required using a dental drill to drill down her teeth and dig out the gold. My ex father in law complied with the attorney’s wishes but was physically ill about having to do such a needless step to this lady.

10. mrsluzzi13's dad has a lot of dark stories.

My dad is a mortician. We had actually lived above the funeral and my life had been just like My Girl, he has been a mortician for over 40 years and has tons of stories!

The worst by far is the human soup guy. Apparently this elderly gentlemen passed away while having a bath... with the water still running, He was living alone in the house with very little family. I don’t remember how long he was in the bath before before someone found him. My dad goes to pick up the body and it’s human soup. The hot water constantly running and the amount of time cause his body to turn to mush.

He said the smell was the worst he ever smelt. He got back to the office later that day and his boss told him to throw away his suit and he’d buy him another!

11. batheinsriracha's job is not for the faint of stomach.

I work with the dead (procure eyes and corneas for transplant). While I was working on one guy at the medical examiner's office, they brought in another guy who's cats had eaten his face clean. Just his face, nothing else. It was a sort of decaying (but still somewhat normal looking) dude, with a bright, Halloween-looking skull picked clean.

Lots of murder victims, gunshots, car accidents, even one train accident. A guy who hanged himself in front of his kids with a dog leash, which was still in the bag with his body. High caliber self-inflicted gunshot wound to the face, with teeth and jaw and bits everywhere and a bunch of gauze stuffed into the remaining hole. Let's not forget the guy in the decomp room who was just a pile of bones, hair, and leathery tissue paired with a bucket of goo.

Crazy stuff! But never a dull day.

12. sweetoklahome's friend got farted on by a corpse.

Sorry for crap formatting, on phone

Not me, but my best friend works in the death business... so, since she doesn’t have a reddit account I’m going to steal her karma because this is my favorite story. She tells me all sorts of lovely things about her job and the recoveries she has done but my favorite involves a gurney and some stairs. To set the scene, a family called in that their mother had passed in her apartment. Third story, narrow halls and no elevators.

Anyways, she goes to pick up the body to take back to the funeral home with an assistant. So they get up there and lift this woman who is close to 300 lbs on to the gurney and begin their journey down to the van. Mind you, the whole family was there and pretty much in hysterics and crowd around as they make their way to the stairs. With family watching, they make it about halfway down the first flight of stairs when the body starts to slide.

There’s no way to reposition so my friend who is at the foot of the gurney is now about ass level to the freshly deceased. So, trying to make the best of the situation they continue their way down and try not to shift the body anymore. The thing about dead bodies is that gas starts to exit pretty quickly and I’m sure you know where my story is going. The body started letting out farts straight into my friend’s face. Pfffft, Pfft, Pfft, Pfft with every step down they take, and this poor girl has to keep a straight face while getting crop dusted by a dead lady with her whole family watching.

Tl;dr Nothing worse than dead ass

13. CudaRavage can no longer eat turkey.

Lady I work with used to pick up the bodies for the coroner. One time they had to collect a woman that was laying in a very hot attic apartment for a couple months. All her liquids ran out onto the floor and dried and when they tried to pick her up she started coming apart like an overly tender turkey. Her coworker sent her to the van to get more bags and when she got back he had finished bagging the lady. Classy. Changed how I think about turkey.

14. Bugloaf's dad has a wild story about bodies and fire.

Not me, but my Dad & his friend (the mortician, Mr. Mort).

My Dad was doing some business on the other side of the state, pretty close to where his friend Mr. Mort lived. Mr. Mort invited him for a coffee, but said, "Hey, while you're here, can you help me with a particularly heavy one?", meaning a large body needed to be cremated. My Dad was in prime shape, and said sure.

There was a 350-400 pound (25-28 stone) lady that needed to be moved from a gurney to the conveyor belt contraption, to be rolled into the crematorium furnace. Normally, she'd be placed into some kind of cardboard coffin, but she was simply too large, so had to go in wearing a hospital gown. After some planning and effort, they successfully moved her over to the belt without dropping her, pushed her into the furnace, and turned it on.

The crematorium was nearly automated. Basically, push a button, and it went through everything it needed to do to properly turn whatever was inside to ash. So, my Dad and Mr. Mort set it, and walked down the street for a coffee.

About 20 minutes later, they see a firetruck go by, and think nothing of it. Then another one goes by. This was a small town in western South Dakota, so there weren't many firetrucks. They walked outside, and there were flames coming from the crematorium...and some oil was coming from the building. And the smell of burnt ham.

What happened: the lady was so large that there wasn't enough space around her body in the furnace to generate the heat necessary to properly turn her to ash. But there was enough heat to melt her skin, and turn her fat reserves into hot oil, and leak out of the crematorium. The oil set the building on fire (thankfully it was in a separated garage, so the entire mortuary didn't go up in flames), and flaming oil started to flow down the driveway and down the street. The first fire engine was parked too close to the fire, and the hot oil flowed past the tires on one corner, then melted and popped them. So you had a bit of pandemonium of firefighters spraying the flames, and others jumping into the two firetrucks to move them away ASAP.

Sorry for the abrupt ending, but I don't remember anything about the aftermath. I'll have to ask my Dad when I see him. Since this question was posted 18 hours ago, I'm guessing only a few people will see my post, but you're welcome!

15. woody1594 had to go to a wedding four days after embalming the sister of the bride.

Licensed embalmer here. I've worked for large funeral homes and did coroner removals for a decently large city and currently work as a trade embalmer. I've had lots of suicides embalmed a 4 year old that a cop blew a stop sign and tboned their mini van, that one really hurt. But the one that was weird was this. 18 year old girl hung herself. So I do the embalming like normal even though it sucked having to do that.

Now the weird part I get a text from my friends a few hours later saying that another one of ours friends fiances sisters killed herself and if I knew anything about it, which really really sucks because my friends wedding is in 4 days. Turns out that 18 year old was the sister to the bride. So I have to go to the wedding 4 days later while everyone is still grieving the loss and keep my mouth shut and I'm the one that embalmed her. This was in a town of about 250,000 people.

16. idosay worked in a mortuary and saw a body scrunch up.

Worked in a Mortuary for a few months because I needed a job and it was at night. My job pretty much was check in the bodies as they were brought in and put them in errr cold storage? One night they brought in 2 bodies, back to back from a convalescing home. I didn't have time to put the first away yet, so I put it off to the side while I signed in the new delivery.

The people leave and I go back to the first body and noticed that it wasn't exactly as I left it. When I left it the body was flat on it's back and when I got back it was sorta scrunched up. I backed the fuck out of the room and just sat down. The Mortician came out and saw me pale as a ghost. I told him what happened and he laughed. He then proceeded to explain to me sometimes the body will curl up after death because of rigor mortis and after that's done it'll go back to being limp. He proceeded to tell me that some cases are so bad that the bodies sit straight up...fuck that.

He ended up putting the bodies away and I spent the rest of the night freaked out.

17. The_Goondocks's dad had to improvise with one body.

My father was a funeral director in NY. They had to remove the wall of a house to get the body of an 800 lb man out. For the funeral, the giant casket was towed on a trailer.

18. doomlite saw a gun fall out of a dead woman's vagina.

Oh man, I might be late but this is good. We picked up a suicide on a major holiday Thanksgiving or Christmas I can't remember. Took her back to the funeral home. Undressed her and had to wait for Medical examiner. Family decides to cremate. We had dressed her for a viewing, everything was normal. Later that day she was ready to be cremated, I put her in started the machine and went back inside.

I had to embalm someone else. About an hour in I heard like five loud pops. First thought was a pace maker, brain stimulator, something I had missed. I let it finish swept it into the tray. And a fucking small hand gun came out. Now I had seen all of her... Seriously where did she have that at? The only spot is inside her vagina. The question is why. It's been 10 plus years and I'm still wtf

19. CitizenTed had to play Tetris with a man's bones.

Not a mortician, but a gravedigger.

I was 18, it was my first full-time job. I was learning the ropes and the boss-man told me to mark out a grave. A wife was joining her husband, many decades after his interment. My co-worker taught me how to spec out an adjoining grave site: split the tombstone in half, move over six inches, then plot the new grave with string in the prescribed dimensions. I did that.

Then the backhoe arrived. As the backhoe guy dug the grave, a problem emerged. We could see bones in the dirt. My coworker stopped the backhoe guy and started yelling at me. I told him I marked the site exactly as he said: six inches to the left of the center of the marker, then three feet wide, eight feet long, etc. I did as I was told. But it appears the husband wasn't sited correctly and was not buried in a vault. His cheap pine coffin had rotted and he was...everywhere.

20. OlDirtyTriple's dad watched a man take crabs off a dead man's body for dinner.

Not a morticians story, but my dad was in the Coast Guard in the early 70s, stationed in San Francisco. Between the Golden Gate Bridge and Bay Bridge, they would get a lot of jumpers, and the coasties had to retrieve the bodies. At night or in bad weather, they would sometimes take hours or even a day or more to find.

One day they retrieved a body and the body was being eaten by crabs. Dad said there were more than a dozen crabs all over the body, the body was basically a big piece of crab bait. Some other coastie on the boat is pulling the crabs off the body, putting them in a cooler. Guy says to my dad "My wife loves dungeness crab" and apparently was notorious for being the guy who claimed the crabs.

But it was still all my fault, apparently. The backhoe dug down an extra foot into the husband's side of the site. I was tasked to jump in and re-inter all the bones on his side of the site. So I jumped in and packed all those bones and dirt into his side. My coworker and the backhoe guy had a laugh while yelling at me about bones I had missed and making me pack them in.

We walled up his side of the grave nice and even, then over-packed it a bit and finished up the wife's grave. It was some grisly shit, man.

But hey: it was 1982 and I was making $10 an hour, which was big money. With great wealth comes great responsibilities.

23 Memes For Anyone Who's Ready To Quit Their Job Today.

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“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.”


― Oprah Winfrey

Anyone who is 100% ready to quit their job should just do it. Life's too short to work at a job that makes you miserable. Before you tell your boss what you really think, first take a minute to laugh at these hilarious workplace memes. This list will help reduce your stress and you can still collect a paycheck.

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People are mocking unemployed 30-year-old's post seeking free rent after parents kick them out.

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People love to call millennial's "entitled" which is pretty wild, since most of us are just trying to make enough money to eat, pay off our college loans and maybe even afford the occasional $50 secondhand clothing spree—on special occasions. Sooooo entitled!

But a Facebook post going viral on Reddit fits the description of "entitled millennial" to a T. The post is from an unemployed 30-year-old being kicked out of their parents' house and seeking a new home—also free weed, home-cooked meals, and much, much more.

The person begins their post by describing employment as "enslavement" and then explains that they are looking to live with someone in their home for low or no-rent because they believe other people's wealth "should be shared."

Next, they list their "needs" for the home, which include a "large bedroom" with an attached bathroom, free high-speed wifi, and sound proofing. Oh and also it must be located within walking distance of at least two animal shelters because this is "one of the few jobs" they'd be okay with.

But wait.....there's more!

The person then explains that they "need" their future landlord to be "gracious on rent if required." And if they require rent to be paid, it will be after 2-6 months living rent-free, and they must be willing to DRIVE THEM TO AND FROM WORK. Oh and guess what else they "need"? Free weed. Because you "really don't want me deprived of my meds haha."

HA HA???????

You probably shouldn't be surprised at this point to hear that they also need all of their meals cooked, need their Hulu and Netflix paid for, and must be allowed to "exist" as they please which includes, obviously, "nudity and clutter."

Oh and if rent absolutely must be paid after the "grace period," it "needs to be less than $400 a month." They would be willing to pay $450 if they can live in the downtown area. How generous!!!!!!

But fear not, this person is not just demanding free rent with nothing in return. They WILL pay—in the form of explaining racism, fat-shaming and LGBT issues to you, free of charge! And they'll also let you pet their cat.

So if you're looking to adopt a cat and a naked, messy, unemployed adult pothead with no attachment to reality, it's your lucky day!!!!! Snatch up this future roommate before someone else does.

The delusional post was shared on Reddit where commenters are having a field day roasting this nightmare.

Fnshow316 writes:

So I need to pay for your streaming services?

And your meals?

And drive you to work?

My 2 kids are less demanding than this.

InappropriateGirl writes:

THIRTY. THIS PERSON IS THIRTY.

BaffledMum is baffled, writing:

My favorite part: "...as you all already know I'm very good at giving advice for any situation."

So what's her advice on getting a job, taking responsibility for oneself, and growing up?

As klassz points out, this really does read like satire by someone who really, really hates millennials:

This can't be real. Please tell me it's an over the top parody of millennials.

I hope that's true. Because if this person is real, they just gifted a bunch of grumpy baby boomers with the satisfaction of feeling right about our entire generation. Which is unfair to the rest of us who pay for our own rent, Netflix, Hulu, weed, and emotional support animals. How do we do it?! Easy. It's called DEBT. This person should try it.

Bride asks if it's wrong to tell bridesmaid who's almost blind to remove her glasses for photos.

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Whoever created the idea that weddings have to be "perfect" and the "best day of a woman's life" is to blame for creating the entitled monster known as "Bridezilla." I blame Pinterest, the patriarchy, and 99% of romantic comedies. The thing about bridezillas is they usually have no idea they fall into this category, like the bride who asked Reddit if she's the "a**hole" for expecting her severely visually impaired bridesmaid to remove her glasses for their wedding photos (spoiler: she is).

The bride begins by explaining that her friend Tara is the "prettiest out of the entire group." (Red flag #1: rating your friend group by their physical attractiveness.) Apparently hot Tara is cursed with "terrible vision." So she wears thick glasses and "can't tolerate contacts."

I am getting married in a few weeks and have my bridal party primed and ready, but had a huge disagreement with one of them yesterday.

Her name is Tara, and she is stunning. She's legit the prettiest out of our entire group. Absolutely gorgeous. However, there is one issue. Tara has terrible vision. She needs very strong glasses and even with them on her eyesight is bad. She gets the lenses thinned down as much as possible and even then they are so thick you can't see her eyes behind them. Her eyes can't tolerate contacts.

The only thing worse than Tara's vision, apparently, is her friend. The bride wants Tara to remove her glasses during the photos because she thinks Tara's eyes look "weird and distorted" in her glasses and would "take all the attention away" from her, the BRIDE.

In our ''bridal meeting'' yesterday, I asked if it was possible for Tara to take off her glasses during the main photos. I wasn't saying this to be cruel. I'd never ask her to take them off during the wedding party and walk around blind, but I'm just asking her to take them off during photos. Without those glasses she's absolutely breathtakingly beautiful, way more than me, but with them on her eyes look weird and distorted and would take all the attention away in the photos for all the wrong reasons.

Tara understandably stormed out in a huff when the bride asked to remove her glasses, which would leave her nearly-blind—even though, as the bride says, she would be the "hottest bridesmaid" without them.

I brought this up with her but she got really huffy and sulky, told me to try on her glasses so I could see what she would be seeing during the photos if she took them off. I did and it was horrible, but I could stomach it for a few minutes to help out a friend and think she's being really unreasonable. She left early and the rest of the bridal party got at me for asking something so ''horrible''. I don't think it's an unreasonable thing to ask. I'm doing her a favour. Without the glasses she'll easily be the hottest bridesmaid so I would have thought she'd be OK with it.

Theory: This post is actually the plot of a sexist '90s rom com (written/produced/directed by men) and the bride is played by Katherine Heigl and in the end, the "hot" bridesmaid removes her glasses and falls in love with a sexy architect and lives happily ever after despite not being able to see.

I DIGRESS.

Commenters are weighing in and the verdict is as clear as Tara's eyesight isn't: bridezilla is the a**hole.

Says Cyaneidae:

Yeah YTA I don’t get this ‘everyone must look perfect’ thing about weddings. Surely we have people in our wedding parties because we love them and they bring us happiness and we want to share a day of love with them? So why change what they look like? It’s so shallow.

myFitnessAccount32 agrees, writing:

Yeah. I can't believe how she sees this is fine. As someone who has a terrible prescription I wouldn't even know how to focus my eyes at the camera without my glasses.

Her glasses are a part of who she is and if she saw that photo she wouldn't even like the picture of the girl in it because it's not her. Like where do you draw the line if this is acceptable?

"Pictures everyone! But, first:

  • Take grandpa's cane.

  • Jake don't smile your teeth aren't perfect.

  • Sarah you have braces I told you to get them off last week you are out of the photo.

  • John stand in the back with the other men on this box. You are 5'2" but if you stand on this you'll be tall enough.

  • Uncle Stu throw on this wig. You went bald years ago this will make you look better.

  • Joe put your right hand behind your back so we don't see your scar from your Army days.

Okay guys you all are so beautiful without these corrections but this just makes you look EVEN MORE beautiful!"

YTA

In addition to a**hole, the bride is being called an entitled narcissist.

beepborpimajorp writes:

OP is ridiculously entitled. I was shaking my head in disbelief as soon as I read the, "I'm doing her a favor" line. Classic narcissist line, almost stereotypically so. (which makes me wonder if OP is shitposting.) Maybe OP isn't a narcissist, but she's certainly TA in this situation.

It seems like glasses are a major part of what this bridesmaid views as her normal appearance. Asking her to take them off so she'll 'be the hottest bridesmaid' is stupid.

Not to mention OP is flat out telling her friend she thinks she's ugly and not worth being in wedding photos unless she takes her glasses off.

YTA OP.

And soundlikebutactually really breaks it down:

YTA - seriously, what the hell is wrong with brides these days asking their bridesmaids to change their appearance for the sake of the photographs? Where in the fuck did this entitlement come from?!?

OF COURSE you're an asshole for asking this. Asking someone to essentially blind themselves for the sake of your aesthetic (that I promise, no one cares about as much as you do) is wrong, and cruel, and incredibly inappropriate. Imagine trying to look nice and focus for the camera when you can't even see!!

Also, telling someone that they look so much hotter without the medical equipment they have absolutely zero choice in using is a really mean thing to do. She NEEDS to wear glasses, and you've just told her she looks ugly in them. Are you sure you're actually friends?

Seriously lady, reel it in before you end up on one of those wedding shaming pages and lose all of your friends - clearly they all think you're wrong and frankly I couldn't agree with them more.

Hopefully this bride reads these comments and learns her lesson and profusely apologizes to Tara. And if not, hopefully Tara ditches the wedding and gets a new friend who appreciates her, glasses and all. That's the rom com ending we need.

23 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You're A Mom.

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"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"

-Milton Berle

Moms definitely could use more than two hands for all of the stuff they take care of every single day. We can't help you with the piles of laundry or the screaming kids, but we can totally make you laugh today. You deserve it, Mama.

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15 things rich people can buy that regular people haven't heard of.

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There are many different definitions of wealth, but one thing's for sure: if you're out here buying stuff the rest of us didn't even know existed, you're probably rich.

A Reddit user asked the question, "What do the rich buy that the poor don't even know is available for purchase?" The question yielded thousands of answers, and they all might just make you weep into your sad desk salad.

Here are some of the best.

1. A surrogate jailbird.

The obscenely rich can purchase "a person to go to jail for you in your stead," imk says. "This is a known phenomenon in Latin America but I imagine it happens in other places as well."

Someone tell Lori Loughlin there's hope!

2. Staff members with incredibly specific job titles, according to overduebook.

When someone is truly mega-rich, running their household takes the same complexity as running a small to mid-size company, and management is skilled and compensated accordingly. Don't think "butler" - think "head of operations at a luxury hotel."

The staff that household managers oversee can be really specialized as well. For example, Larry Ellison has his own personal curator to oversee his collection of Asian art. They do things like:

advise on the purchase and sale of art in his collection

oversee storage and display of art housed on his property

oversee process of lending art for storage and display at museums

The curator will often have their own staff to conduct actual conservation work, art transport, art installation, etc. So if you've already got an in-house crew of 7 people focused on your art collection alone, imagine how big your entire household staff is!

3. Special outfits for house guests whose clothes you don't like, according to Pencilowner.

One of my friends comes from a super-wealthy family. We stopped by her parent's house and of course its a mansion with a full staff. The lead maid took one look at me and guessed my size. From there she laid out several outfits that had been bought but not worn for me to take home. It was surreal.

Can that maid figure out my bra size? Cuz I'm struggling.

4. A boarding gate that's more like a spa, according to bob-lob.

Private boarding gate at certain airports. Complete with showers, a spa, full bar, lounge, food, a bed, gym, sauna etc. Total privacy. Your luggage is scanned and taken through security by a concierge, and you're driven to the plane in a BMW 8 series.

LAX has them now.

I'll accept nothing less than a BMW 9 Series, personally.

5. Private access to an entire restaurant and several floors of a hotel, plus a flight from another city, according to durgadas.

Entire floors of hotels or multiple floors. Entire restaurants. Chefs from literally any restaurant in the world to cook for them, wherever they are.

I saw all of those things done by a Prince Of Saudi Arabia: We estimated it cost him $50,000 just for the one private meal in our restaurant, given that he:

Had the top four floors of our hotel booked (for the hundreds of staff to take care of him, his wife and his two kids; plus likely some concubines, if I'm being honest). As someone in this part of the world, being rich= the number of people who work for you.

He paid $30k just to close our restaurant for one meal.

Flew his favorite chef from New York to Orlando to cook for him, on his private jet; and then back again. Of course, it was likely the OTHER private jet he had just for his staff, not for himself or his family.

Make food our entire staff, all the kitchen staff, all the federal, state and local security and him, his wife and his two kids.

I lost count of the private jets.

6. Access to movies that are still only available in theatres, says fckgoldsendbitcoin.

If you're willing to fork out $35,000 for the player and $500 per showing, you can watch films that are currently in theaters in your own private home-theater.

https://www.lifewire.com/prima-cinema-home-theater-experience-1847001

7. Legal permission to drink in your car, according to Igotnothingtodo.

I had a buddy who hired a driver, got him to get a chauffeur's license, and then made sure his jaguar was long enough to meet criteria as a limo, and then he could legally drink in the backseat.

Crap, my Jaguar's too short for this.

8. Ability to skip customs and security, says Igotnothingtodo.

When I traveled with [a wealthy friend] internationally, someone met us at the door when we were dropped off, and they walked us to our plane. None of that customs/security stuff occurred.

Sounds illegal but I respect it.

9. Illegal airplane landings, says A_Crinn.

I grew up around Lexington, KY. The region is huge on horses, particularly Thoroughbred horses. The entire city is surrounded by horse farms, and these farms breed some of the best racing horses in the world. The rich and famous will often come here to buy Thoroughbreds to add to their breeding stock.

One such person is a shiek from Dubai (i think?) who owns his own private 747. Now the local airport isn't rated for 747s, and it's not legal to land one there unless it's a emergency. The shiek doesn't care though and lands his 747 there anyways. The airport fines him every time he does this, which he is totally fine with paying. I've been told that many of the upgrades to the airport over the years where almost entirely funded with money from those fines.

That's one dedicated horse girl!

10. People to pay your fines and get the boot removed from your car, says Fenrir101.

In London rich people figured out it was cheaper to just park on the streets illegally and just pay the fines every day than to pay for parking in the city. So the city started clamping cars, so the rich people started paying people to go and pay the fine for the car to be un clamped before they wanted to leave.

11. An entire book store's contents, according to whateveritsLorenzo.

Something they do that most people don’t know about is buy entire libraries at once.

My sister used to work at a bookstore, and told me someone came in and wanted to furnish their library with a library size purchase of books. They just wanted cherry picked best sellers left to the discretion of the people working there. It sounded wild.

12. Not to mention books by the foot, according to JamminOnTheOne.

Some wealthy people also buy books as decoration, with no intent of reading most of them. They buy books from wholesalers by the linear foot, specifying how the books look on the shelves (size, color, material of spine, etc), without any regard for what the books actually are. They just need to fill wall space in library/office rooms in their homes.

13. Private luxury trains, says Ut_Prosim.

Everyone knows about mega yachts, but the very rich also enjoy their own trains, or at the very least private super luxurious train cars. With their budgets it isn't expensive to rent space on freight lines and an engine, assuming they don't own their own. Sometimes a group of friends will hook their private cars together and motor around a continent having a big party.

14. Access to organs, according to FunkyPete.

Human organs. Steve Jobs used his fortune to game the system. A quote from the article:

"Jobs couldn't pay for an organ. Nor could he pay to cut the queue. But what someone with Jobs' resources could do, according to liver transplant surgeons and ethicists, is to use money and mobility to improve the odds either by going to an area of the country where there are more organ donors, or by signing up at multiple transplant centers.

"It's not for anybody but the rich. It's called multiple-listing, a practice some would say is unethical," said Arthur Caplan, co-chair of the United Nations Task Force on organ trafficking and chair of the department of medical ethics at University of Pennsylvania."

https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Economy/story?id=7902416&page=1

15. And finally, a super intense system of having your luggage ready for you everywhere you go, says Mazon_Del.

A while back some guy on here was talking about his experience working as a sort of personnel manager for a billionaire and how things are just wildly different for them.

The specific example he used was how things work when these people want to go on a trip, and give any notice at all to their employees.

What happens is that an advanced team gets sent ahead by a few days to scope out the rented/bought location and report back exact dimensions for closet space, drawer space, etc. People back at the home go through the clothing, jewelry, etc, and draw up a priority list which is sent to the advanced team. The advanced team then spends the next two days purchasing the list of items. Entire wardrobes, jewelry sets, makeup kits, bathing supplies, etc. Anything they cannot get (not enough time, or is one-of-a-kind like the family heirloom watch the rich dude wears every now and then) is relayed to the house-team. The families schedule is arranged such that the moment the family leaves the house on the day of travel, a whole team of people rushes through and packs up all the remaining items (only after the family leaves, you wouldn't want to deny them access to their items for even a few seconds) which are then sent ahead to the airport while the family has a lunch or something somewhere. Upon landing, their luggage takes one route (direct) and the family takes a similarly indirect route (unless otherwise directed) such that by the time they get to the location all of their items are not just unpacked but in their proper organized locations and ready for use without any of the advanced team ever being visible to the family.

What happens when the family leaves the location? The same situation in reverse, but quite frequently all of the repurchased items are just disposed of in some method. It's just easier, if not cheaper, to rebuy them each time the family goes somewhere if they aren't travelling to too many different locations in quick succession.

Wow. At least they're creating jobs... ?

Woman criticized after reviewing dress on Amazon with photo next to casket at a funeral.

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Most online clothing review photos are awkward mirror selfies. But one Amazon shopper summoned her graveside creativity when reviewing a royal blue frock.

A woman is catching flack online after she posted a photo of herself smiling next to a casket alongside a review of a dress on Amazon. But hey, how else was she supposed to demonstrate that the dress has pockets to hold your used tissues?!

The photo, re-posted below, was spotted by an eagle-eyed Redditor in the bowels of Amazon's clothing section.

Remote file

We found the review, which is from 2017 and accompanies a funeral-friendly dress that can be yours for the low price of $23.99. The review reads:

I love this dress! I normally stick with black or muted colors but the royal blue color called to me. I'm so glad I went with that one. It fits great and I love the pockets! I'm 5' 6" and about 170lbs, so I wasn't sure how a dress like this would fit on me, but the fabric hit at all of the right places and with the help of some Spanx, it worked really well. I actually wore it to my father's funeral and many people commented on how it was the perfect color on me. Would definitely buy again. (I ordered a large!)

It's kind of nice she found something positive during a sad time, no? She even provided her measurements to help other shoppers.

Well, the people of Reddit aren't into it.

"I normally stick with black or muted colors".... wears bright blue to a burial," writes judassong. "I know wearing black isn't the only acceptable color and there can be good reasons for not wearing it... but I now have questions about the photo, the comment, their life choices..."

Maybe blue was her dad's favorite color?

"This is why I don't want a funeral," wrote JustOkCryptographer, which... fair.

But damndirtydanny looked on the bright side and had jokes.

"It has pockets! Most women would kill for that," they wrote.

Cvm1120 also found some lightness in the situation, saying, "This is actually a very nice dress I am going to look for it today lol."

And Reddit user imnotacrazyperson really came to the woman's aid, explaining that taking a photo next to a casket isn't all that weird in some cultures.

It depends on where you are and what your family culture is. I've been to funerals where people were taking pics of themselves next to the dead body in the casket, the funeral flowers etc. Lots of people take photos of family together smiling at funerals because they don't get together often and sometimes funerals are the only time they see each other.

They also pointed out that not every funeral is a sob-fest:

I've been to a lot of funerals where jokes were being told, people played live music, friends shared stories...I've also been to funerals where everyone was expected to sit quietly and not show any emotion at all, which is weird to me but ok. There are funerals with parties after, pitch-in dinners, chili dinners, going to the bar for drinks etc. The differences in the way people mourn are pretty incredible actually.

Even still, posting a photo with the casket on Amazon is definitely a new tradition. But hey, at least this woman knows her dad's memory will live far beyond the apocalypse thanks to the wonders of the internet.

And don't forget, potential Amazon shoppers: fast fashion kills.


27 Memes To Help Start Your Morning Off With A Laugh.

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“I like my coffee black and my mornings bright.”

– Terri Guillemets

Here's wishing you a morning full of hot coffee and big laughs. Even the grumpiest of people will find this random batch of memes absolutely hilarious.

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Doctors share the questions pregnant women asked them that prove we all need more Sex Ed.

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You need a license to drive a car, but just anyone—seriously, anyone—can have a baby if they have the right equipment.

Whether it's "pregnancy brain" or a complete lack of adequate sexual education, pregnant women say the darndest things, and OB/GYNs and midwives are around to hear them. A recent Reddit thread asked pregnancy professionals to share the questions they were asked that highlight just HOW bad sexual education is these days, and we all have a lot to learn.

1. Better safe than sorry, kellywithayy.

I had a girl call the office because she swallowed a cherry seed and was worried that the baby was going to choke on it.


2. A baby is hungry because a man is thirsty, nursejacqueline.

I worked as a telephone triage nurse and received a call from a very concerned young lady. She said that she was pregnant and had gone to an appointment with her OB-GYN that day and had some questions. This was relatively common; patients can sometimes feel rushed in the doctor’s office or forget the questions they were going to ask, so they call and ask us later.

Me: Ok, no problem! How can I help?

Pregnant lady: Well, the doctor told me I can’t have any more sex until after the baby is born!

Me: (Looking at her record in the computer) Ok. I see you’re pretty far along and were having some pre-term contractions, which can be caused by sex. So the doctor recommends no sex so that the baby doesn’t come too early.

Pregnant lady: BUT HOW WILL I FEED THE BABY?!?

Me: Ummmm....what?

Turns out, her male partner convinced her that babies needed to eat semen to develop, and this could only be done with PIV sex. I told her this was totally wrong and gave her a quick lesson about the umbilical cord. She was skeptical until I pointed out that single women and lesbians have perfectly healthy babies without constant sex. “Oh, ok! That makes sense!” she said. Then she thanked me and started to hang up the phone- I could hear her calling her partner’s name as she hung up. Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation!


3. I hope bambiscrubs knows how to keep a straight face.

Two of my favorites:

What day of the week do I need to have sex to have a boy?

Do you microchip babies after birth?


4. AugustDarling's story is sad and funny, but mostly sad.

Very young girl (barely 13) came in for symptoms of a UTI. Pregnancy test came back positive. Her and her mother claimed that could not be possible because "you can't get pregnant until you're 18". When asked why they thought that mom said "Well, if that wasn't the case why would they put warnings for pregnant people on cigarette packs". And the daughter genuinely thought that "only grown ups can have babies."


5. icjp had to give her the ultimate kick in the balls.

When I was a medical student on my ob rotation I saw a young girl who was pregnant but swore that it was impossible. I asked if she was on any birth control and she said that she didn’t need it. She said that her bf was kicked in the balls...a lot.


6. WrackspurtsNargles is a midwife and urine color consultant.

Got a frantic call from a woman at 3am (I was on the night shift) asking if she should come in to get checked out. I asked her what the problem was "my pee is really dark". "Like bloody?". "No it's really dark yellow!". I asked her if she could describe the colour to me, sounded pretty normal, wasn't sure why she was worried. After a long conversation trying to find out what her symptoms were etc she mentioned that she had been really nauseous and hadn't drunk much water that day. I asked if she was usually quite well hydrated, which she was. So I asked her if she knew that when you drink lots of water your urine is quite clear, and when you don't it's much darker, and she had no fucking clue. I told her to drink plenty of water and stay hydrated, and to call if she had any other symptoms/issues and we'd be glad to help. She called back around 7am saying it was getting clearer, and she was very happy!


7. Can't you order fallopian tubes on Amazon, kitty_bean?

Kinda late to the party. I had a woman call the office to make an appointment, and when I asked her what the appointment was for, she said that she needed a Fallopian tube. I was said, “...do you mean you want to get your tubes tied???”

She says, “No, I’m trying to get pregnant.”

???


8. Isn't that what flavored condoms are for, Division_J?

In medical school, we had a pregnant woman come to establish obstetric care. She said she was using condoms for birth control and was really puzzled why they didn't work.

How was she using her condoms? She was swallowing them as medicine.

Millennials respond to CNBC report that '1 in 6 millennials have $100,000 saved.'

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If you're a millennial, prepare to have a hard time with this news...

According to a survey conducted by Bank of America of people ages 23-37 (millennials) 1 in 6 of them have 100,000 dollars or more in savings. Now, considering the general knowledge of millennials is that most of us are broke, hungry, living with our parents and strapped with crippling student loan debt for overall useless college degrees, this information is a real surprise. However, this article using much of the same research, by the same website in the same month, concluded that most millennials don't have anything at all in savings. What gives?

Of course, the catch in the "1 in 6" stat is that Bank of America only investigated people who had long term savings accounts with them. Already, we're starting with people who opened a savings account which assumes they have money to put in that account. There's a strong chance that parents opened these accounts under their adult child's name, or that inheritances or trust funds were moved into them and this all muddies the waters of this statistic.

Even if 1 in 6 millennials that have savings account with Bank of America have over $100,000 in savings, that just means that there is a massive savings disparity even within millennials who have savings accounts. In other words, 1 in 6 millennials with savings accounts specifically at Bank of America does not in any way represent the savings accounts of most millennials, most who do not even have a savings account. Does an expensive vape count as a savings account? Can we put our valuable HBO GO password toward our 401K?

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Jimmy Fallon asked people to share their 'worst halloween costumes' and the internet delivered.

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Halloween is fast approaching, which means a people are scrambling to cook up affordable and creative costume ideas. In theory, dressing up for Halloween should be a breeze, because the costumed tradition is rooted in fun.

In practice, however, putting together a dream costume can turn into a stress fest given how expensive and time consuming the process can be. Sometimes the best cure for these moments of holiday-induced stress is a trip down memory lane for perspective.

Even the most die-hard of Halloween fans has a few horrifically embarrassing costumes in their past, and sometimes the best inspiration takes form in remembering how far you've already fallen, since you can only go up from there.

In celebration of all the bad costumes of yore, Jimmy Fallon started a #MyWorstCostume hashtag round-up, so the entire internet can bask in humiliation together.

The hashtag has been quickly filling up with real life horror stories and costumes that never realized their full potential, here are 25 of them.

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14 teachers share the wrong answers their students tried to get away with on exams.

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Teachers are A+ people.

Teachers are underpaid superheroes who tolerate a lot for sometimes very little reward. Sometimes, teachers see children more than their own parents do and they work tirelessly to educate future generations.

Of course, classrooms aren't always intriguing discussions and meaningful lessons, sometimes students hilariously miss the mark and teachers are allowed to laugh on the inside. When a recent Reddit user asked teachers of the internet to share the wrong answers their students wrote in on exams, teachers everywhere truly delivered. There might not be any question that is a "stupid" question, but it might be possible for the answers to be...

1. Oh no, "mad_max_rebo."

I am in a 1-to-1 school (every student is issued an iPad), so I use a digital quiz that my students can type on.

I can't remember what the question was, but I remember the student's answer.

It was a pizza emoji.

2. Yikes, "schnit123."

College English professor here, though the dumbest exam answer I ever saw came from one of my fellow TAs in a huge lecture hall film class back when I was still a grad student. For some unfathomable reason one of his students decided to answer the written final exam in the form of a poem that didn't begin to answer any of the exam questions nor did it reference any of the movies we watched in class (which you had to pick from for the answers) but instead just threw in references to whatever random movies he could work into his rhyme scheme, and even setting all that aside, this student still had zero talent for poetry. I don't know what the hell he was thinking but my friend decided to generously give the student a 20% for bothering to show up and at least write something down.

3. Aw, man. "irmari01."

Just the other day, the question asked the learners to explain the myth in the passage.

Answer? A myth is a female moth.

4. This is a method, "LeaAsh."

My friend's sister once wrote 'birth control makes women smell bad so men won't have sex with her' in her biology exam

5. Bartering with art? "Embershift."

One of my teachers said that as they were marking year 12 finals someone responded to an essay question with “I don’t know but here’s a picture of a bird” and then drew a really beautiful bird

6. Fantastic, "Harry1386."

Not a teacher, but my friend drew a picture of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson as art homework when we were meant to be sketching rocks

7. Oh my god, "goklissa."

Who is considered Americas founding father?

George W Bush

8. YOLO, "kronius_97."

Not a teacher but someone I know wrote YOLO as the answer to an essay question on their final exam.

9. This is deeply upsetting, "hopbel."

My dad once told me about one of his students complaining she missed a point because the topic of the question wasn't covered in class. The question? "Can you get pregnant from a handshake?"

He was teaching freshmen med students...

10. This is adorable, "NoClueDad."

Fill in the blank section of a test about Michigan history. The question was "What is the oldest city in Michigan?" There were 3 blanks.

The student wrote "De Troy It".

11. Sigh, "jesisdawn."

"Why is there a high fructose content in sperm cells?" To make it taste better.

12. A highly factual film, "Hedwigbug."

I once had a student write the following on an essay: “Everything I know about the Civil War came from the movie Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.”

I teach college.

13. Hmmm..."Iloathwinter."

After 20+ years of teaching, my favorite is:

Q: "Which year did the American Revolution start?"
A: "In France."

14. Perfect, "Thunder-Chunky."

After working on a team project, 3rd graders were asked what did you learn?

A couple of my favorites:

How to lose a game

That I hate people

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