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19 of the funniest tweets from women so far this month.

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We could definitely all use some laughs right now and luckily the pandemic hasn't yet broken our sense of humor...

Now that some states are slowly starting to reopen while other regions are coming up on almost two months of quarantine, life is still far from normal. The days are blending together, life has been at a weird race/standstill since March, the news is a terrifying reel of medical expert warnings mixed with women protesting for their right to get their gray roots dyed-the world is a mess.

The most important thing we can all do right now is support our essential workers, social distance, stay home as much as possible, and wear a mask when going out. Don't be that person on Instagram bragging about your quarantine party-it's a really bad look. So, if you could use a break from Zoom parties, spontaneous FaceTime calls, virtual workouts and pandemic updates, here are the funniest tweets by women from the month of May (I promise it's not still March) so far.

Enjoy and stay safe, everyone!

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20 people share their best stories of 'vigilante justice' being served.

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Most of us have daydreamed about exacting dramatic revenge on someone who horribly wronged us, how we would carry out the deed and exactly what it would entail.

Even if we don't have someone in our life we'd like to teach a lesson, most people have at one point read a news story about a violent criminal and fantasized about kick-starting karma.

Most of us haven't fulfilled any of these vigilante pipe dreams for a variety of reasons including the question of ethics and boundaries, the danger you put yourself in, and of course, the risk of getting arrested for taking the law into your own hands.

Because vigilante justice exists so rarely outside the pages of comic books and superhero movies, it can be cathartic to read real life stories of people who broke the law to better the world.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the most fitting and karmic cases of vigilante justice they'd ever heard of.

It's truly wild what humans are capable of: for better or worse.

1. From laxintx:

A man in Shiner, TX caught a guy sexually assaulting his daughter and beat him so badly that he ended up dying. The father did however call 911 and a grand jury didn't indict him.

2. From GiftedContractor:

The man's name was Ken Rex McElroy. He terrorized the small town he lived in for years. He was accused of: regularly stealing from his neighbor's stuff like livestock, gasoline, and antiques; robbery; harassing/assaulting/raping women (two as young as twelve); destroying property (including burning down his wife's parents house when she tried to leave him); assault, including shooting at least 2 people.

He was charged with various crimes at least 3 times a year, but he had an incredible lawyer. Dude was only ever charged with anything once.
He used to intimidate witnesses against him by following them or parking outside their homes and watch them until they were too scared to testify against him.
That one time he was charged, by the way? He shot a grocer in the neck with a shotgun.

For that he was given a charge of second degree assault. Max two year sentence. But he appealed of course and got out on bail. So he goes into a bar and loudly threatens to murder said grocer (who survived the shotgun to the neck by the way). All that did was get his trial pushed back.

Anyway so the town had a meeting, then a big group of them went to the bar where Ken liked to drink and shot him in the f*cking head.

3. From diegoldenenjude:

About 6 years ago in Portland, there was this homeless dude going around jerking off in front of all the homeless ladies. So this group of other homeless dudes got sick of his sh*t, so they waited for him to go into a portapotty one day then tipped it over on its door with him in it. Funniest thing I’ve ever heard.

4. From Funkybag:

All these stories about rapists getting their teeth kicked in or murdered.

What about that bada*s that drove around his town spray painting dicks on all the potholes? That way the city was forced to repair them. Not like they where just going to clean the paint and leave the pothole.

5. From Fidelis29:

A man's son was abducted by his karate teacher and raped over quite a long period of time. The police caught him, and as they were bringing him through the airport, his father pretended to be on a pay phone. When the rapist and police walked by, he turned around and shot the rapist in the head killing him instantly. This was all caught live on the news. The father wasn’t charged with murder. He received 5 years probation.

6. From THACC-:

A 15 year old boy imitated a 14 year old girl to attract the attention of a pedophile. When the pedo went to his house, the kid beat him up and called the police on the guy.

All done while wearing a SpiderMan mask.

7. From cannibalisticapple:

Another case: Akku Yadav. To quote the Wikipedia article: he was an Indian gangster, robber, home invader, kidnapper, serial rapist, extortionist, and serial killer. He terrorized a poor slum, to the point nearly every single woman in this community had been assaulted by him and daughters were just kept inside. He never got in trouble though because he bribed the police though, and only targeted Dalits (basically the "untouchable" caste in India). Seriously, the list of crimes is horrifying just SKIMMING the article.

It all came to a head when he turned his attention on a young woman who was studying to go to college and help the community. She stood up to him, and it ended with her threatening to blow up her own house if they broke in. She'd called the police during the standoff but they never came. That was the last straw for the neighbors.

A mob formed and chased off his men by stoning them and then burned down his house, and he went to the police to get himself arrested for his own protection. When they took him to the court for trial, a mob was waiting and he actually threatened them. The police did nothing. More than that, one of his accomplices tried to pass him a knife, and the police only stepped in after the mob protested that. Next day he was attacked and beaten, but he was rescued by the police.

The police had no intention of actually punishing him, and set up his bail hearing in another city. Hundreds of women marched there from the slums armed with knives and chili powder. And, well... I think I'll just quote the Wikipedia article:

"Yadav was then lynched by the mob of 200–400 women who showed up. He was stabbed at least 70 times, and chili powder and stones were thrown in his face. The chili powder was also thrown into the faces of police officers who guarded him. The police officers, overwhelmed and terrified, fled immediately. One of his alleged victims also hacked off his penis. The lynching occurred in Nagpur District Court No. 7 on the marble floor of the courtroom As he was being lynched, Yadav was horrified and shouted: "Forgive me! I won't do it again!". The women passed their knives around and kept stabbing him; each woman agreed to stab Yadav at least once. ... The mob continued attacking his corpse post-mortem."

Yep. One of the most brutal lynchings ever. If you think it wasn't justified, I'll quote one more part from the Wikipedia article about his arrival at the court, which I think sums up his character quite well:

"Yadav walked in and was confident and unrepentant. At about 2:30 to 3:00 PM, when Yadav appeared, he saw a woman he had raped. Yadav mocked her, called her a prostitute and said he would rape her again. The police laughed."

Even when faced with a mob of his victims, he was still mocking them. This monster only felt remorse when he was literally about to die. And worse: the police laughed. If that mob had any lingering doubts, that moment definitely made it 100% clear that the police would not do ANYTHING to ever see Yadav face actual justice.

100% justified. Vigilante justice at its finest.

8. From Kriosphere:


A guy caught a man raping his daughter, by the time the cops got to the scene the man was bruised and broken and his face was unrecognizable. He told the police that he might have fallen down the stairs a couple times, they accepted that and arrested the rapist.

9. From ArcticFox46:

Phoenix Jones

A real-life costumed vigilante in Seattle, originally an amateur MMA fighter. He (and later his team of other costumed vigilantes) would patrol the streets of Seattle and stop crime, mainly assault and theft.

A quote from his Wikipedia article:

"Jones says he wanted to take policing matters into his own hands after a few incidents changed his mind about Seattle. The first was when Jones says that his car was broken into and his son was injured after returning to the vehicle and falling on the broken glass. Jones was told that several people saw the break-in happen, but did not intervene. Later, Jones says that he encountered a friend being seriously assaulted outside a bar, and after calling 911 he put on the mask from the earlier break-in and "made a commotion" until the police showed up. "And I thought, why didn't someone help him? There were seventy people outside that bar and no one did anything."

10. From dragonflyandstars:

Convicted child molester bragged to his cellmate what he did to his victim. Cellmate (already in for life without possibility of parole) is sickened by it and kills him. People in the area donated money to his prison account as thanks for ridding earth of this monster.

11. From not_combee:

Boy killed Priest who raped him and his father by diving a crucifix down his throat. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7830283/amp/Teenager-19-kills-paedophile-priest-abused-ramming-crucifix-throat.html

12. From rouen_sk:

Ok, not so dark and brutal as most comments here. Czech republic had its own vigilante hero named SuperVaclav for a time.

He sat in a park, and when dog owner did not pick up sh*t after his dog, SuperVaclav did it for him - and spread it on owner's back. Or, putting out smoker's cigarette on bus stop with bucket or water, etc.

It kind of broke my heart when I read it was probably all just some viral marketing stuff.

13. From WatchTheBoom:

It's more of just "justice" but there's the judge that comes up with punishments that fit the crime- a lady left a box of puppies outside, so he ordered her to sleep outside in a box.

14. From MissionExit:

In Texas, a guy’s truck broke down a few feet from his house so he had his two sons get out and push the truck to the driveway while he steered the car. A drunk driver came and hit the truck, the crash was so hard that the elder son who was pushing the back left side of the car (the side closer to the road), had his limbs scattered along the road. The other son pushing the car also died.

At some point after the crash and before the cops were arrived, “someone” came and shot the drunk driver with a gun. No gun was ever recovered from the scene and when the father was asked whether he had a gun, he said he did but that he had lost it. All the cops could find in the guy’s house was the empty holster and ammunition matching the caliber found in the drunk driver’s body.

When the crash happened, his neighbors came out to see what had happened. One called the cops about the crash and you could hear the gunshots in the background.

Whatever happened between the crash and the arrival of the cops, his neighbors refused to speak.

https://www.cnn.com/2014/08/28/us/texas-father-acquittal/index.html

https://www.chron.com/news/article/Judge-in-murder-trial-asks-family-to-remove-pins-5697997.php

15. From _tommy-_:

My first job was at a tire shop, and I worked with this older guy named Doug. He was around 60 yo— the nicest guy I’ve ever met. One day at work, a guy and his girl got into a heated argument in our parking lot, and the guy slammed her up against his car. Doug and I saw it, and Doug just looks at me, with a tire iron in his hand, and goes “one sec.” He walks over to the guy, drops his tire iron, and slams the guy in the ground.

He whispered something to him that I couldn’t hear from where I was, but the guy got up and opened the passenger door for her and they drove away. Doug walked back over and just started working on a car like nothing ever happened. I’ll never forget it.

16. From cannibalisticapple:

Grady Stiles Jr., AKA Lobster Boy. He was an incredibly abusive husband and father. His daughter and her boyfriend actually pretended she was pregnant just so they could get married and she could leave the house. The day before the wedding, he shot the boyfriend in the back three times, killing him.

He actually CONFESSED at the trial and was found guilty of third-degree murder. However, the jail wasn't equipped to deal with his condition (he required a wheelchair due to his condition), and so he was instead sentenced to 15 years probation. He went back to being an abusive monster to his family, but was even worse than before. He regularly reminded them he got away with murder once and could do it again. Somehow he convinced his first wife to remarry him during this time, which I'd say was the worst mistake she ever made.

In the end, his stepson (and possibly his wife, though they all claim she had nothing to do with it) hired a fellow circus performer to murder him because his entire family believed he would murder her. I am not exaggerating. In interviews for the ID show I saw about the case, every family member made it clear that if he lived, he most likely would have killed her at some point. It wasn't a matter of if, but when.

His death is one of the only murders outside of self-defense that I think is 100% justified, because the justice system already failed once. He might have been sentenced and found guilty, but they just put him on probation and house arrest. He literally got away with murder. If he'd just gone to jail the first time, then his family wouldn't be so screwed up now.

I feel so bad for the stepson, he just wanted to protect his mom and now he'll be in jail for the rest of his life. I think that's one of the worst parts of the case: his wife, stepson and the hired killer all got longer sentences than Stiles's probation. That man never spent a day in jail for cold-blooded murder, and yet his wife and stepson are likely to rot in there for trying to protect themselves from him.

17. From UnoriginalUse:

I remember a newspaper article going around the internet about a junkie robbing a store. While fleeing, he was stopped by a few marines on leave, and he stabbed one of them. He then ended up tripping and breaking both his arms, 7 ribs, his jaw and his nose, losing most of his teeth, and crushing his windpipe.

18. From foxurinefetish:

Back in middle school I admittedly bullied this other girl pretty bad, including once shoving her into some dog poop.

One day her older brothers came by as I was walking home from school and forced me to eat dog poop.

19. From dnewfm:

When I was in highschool, we had this one teacher. Everybody loved him. He was the kind of teacher you'd remember for decades. He was smart, engaging, a good teacher, and a good human being. He always said, "there is no excuse in the world to fail my class; if you don't get it, I will meet you at a local coffee shop at any hour of any day, and I will walk you through it until you do."

And he did. A group of 3-4 students in one of my classes asked him for help, he met them at a local coffee shop, bought them all a drink and sat with them to the wee hours of the morning on a Friday night/Saturday morning to make sure they were prepared for the following Monday's exam.

NOBODY disliked this guy. He was so great.

Anyway, there was this one sh*thead at my school... you know the type. A real dick for no good reason whatsoever. Always in trouble, always causing shit, and nobody liked him. Just an asshole.

Anyway, one day, this a*shole was walking down the street, and he happened to see the teacher everyone loved in his car with his family. Being the dipsh*t he is, he started screaming at the teacher. He went on a profanity-laced tirade insulting the teacher, his wife, and his kids.

The teacher drove off.

The next day at school, the teacher came across the asshole in the hallways.

He grabbed him by the throat, and slammed him up against a locker and said something to the effect of, "you have a problem with me? You can say whatever you want to me. I don't care. I can take it. You say those things in front of my wife and kids ever again, I will f*cking kill you."

He let him go, and walked off.

Of course the sh*t head ran to the principal and complained.

The 8-10 kids in the hallway (including me) that saw this go down? We were all interviewed by the principal one-by-one. Not a single one of us corroborated the asshole's story. We saw nothing.

F*cker got what he deserved, and we loved every last f*cking minute of it.

This is over 20 years ago now...f*ck I'm old.

20. From Catlenfell:

Completely accidentally.

I woke up to the sound of a table being knocked over in the living room. I figured that it was my cat and went out in my boxers to yell at him.

There was a dude standing wide eyed in my living room.

My roommate used to have tons of parties. If dude had sat down, I would have thought that he was a guest who slept on the couch. But, he bolted out the door. I chased.

His mistake was running into the back parking lot, because there's nowhere to go from there. I caught him and a fistfight ensued. He was almost passive, only trying to block until I grabbed the wad of cash from his hand. Then, he started punching back.

Soon, the sun came out. He ran off. I was so out of it, I pounded on my roommate's window to let me back in. I didn't realize that I was holding his wallet and keys that I took from the guy. I tripped on a purse that was dropped in my doorway. It was from his first victim.

Roomie calls the cops. They just made jokes. Burglary investigator comes around that afternoon. I go down to look at mugshots. Turns out that they already had a suspect (guy had just done six months for burglary in an adjoining neighborhood)

He went back to jail. I lost a tooth and had a broken nose.

23 people share funny stories of times they forgot in which hand they were holding something.

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Being present in daily life is hard which is why our brains do so many things on "auto-pilot." It's a helpful tool but, much like self-driving cars, it's imperfect and can get us in to a lot of trouble. For example, we've all at some point, while holding an item in each hand, gotten confused between which item was in which hand. Depending on the items, this simple auto-pilot mistake can lead to a significant amount of chaos.

Someone asked Reddit: "what is the worst thing you have done because you got confused between items in different hands?" Here are 23 of the funniest stories of a small error with big consequences:

1.) From theWildBore:

This was my brother, but I was on the receiving end. We were at a country club for a wedding one evening and there were various backgammon games set up. This happened so long ago I don’t even remember how to play backgammon anymore. But it was my brothers turn and he was excited. So excited he slammed his glass of bourbon down on the game board and thrust the dice cup full of dice into his mouth. Totally worth being covered in water down liquor to witness such buffoonery.

2.) From AnotherAverageJ0e:

I dipped my chips in the water, had a little "I'm such a dumbass" moment in my head, then proceeded to drink the salsa.

3.) From OldLevermonkey:

I have put the house phone in the fridge and left the milk out more times than is healthy.

The fridge is now the default first place I look if the phone is not on its cradle.

4.) From Milly_7-2006:

Threw a glass of water on my bed instead of a book

5.) From garlicbreaddick2:

I was writing while drinking coke. I ended up stabbing myself in the face with a pencil

6.) From ScoutManDan:

Drank paint water and whilst washing my brush in my cup of tea.

Two simultaneous fuckups.

7.) From BanjoBroseph:

I cracked an egg, poured out the egg into the trash and put the shell into a bowl.

8.) From ecurse1:

I had a lens cleaner spray in one hand and a mouth freshener spray in the other, guess what I did

9.) From Lucidpotato666:

Threw away five bucks, tried to pay at cash register with candy rappers

10.) From AoiRenga:

My husband cleans the cat litterbox and puts the gleanings in a tied off plastic grocery bag. He also puts his lunch in a tied off plastic grocery bag. When he goes to work he takes both bags outside, one to come with him and one for the trash can. Mistakes have happened.

11.) From CalgaryAlly:

I had a cup of coffee and a little single-serve container of coffee cream. I opened the cream container, poured its contents into the trash, and then dropped the empty container into my coffee.
...?????

12.) From Nomadic_Photography:

Was drinking a hot cup of coffee on the back porch while throwing a ball for my dog...To be fair it was like 4am and the pup wasn't hurt, but my favorite mug got rearranged and the tree got some dirty bean water....

13.) From maleorderbride:

>Eating sandwich at beach
>Skipping stones
>Watching the sunset and thinking about life
>Throw sandwich into ocean
>Bite rock

People saw.

14.) From FeedMeFish:

Funny enough, I threw my phone in the trash just this morning and realized only after dumping the trash into my clothes bin.

15.) From twentyninewoodchucks:

I had a cup of coffee and a scented candle. I drank the candle

16.) From Back2Bach:

I grabbed my banana instead of the conductor's baton on the music stand as I began conducting the orchestra and chorus during a rehearsal.

The musicians followed the banana very well - as if it were intentional on my part (some thought the curve aided in making the performance more expressive).

17.) From fairyfeIIer:

Put a wad of tissues in the laundry basket and threw my socks into the toilet.

18.) From Panhead09:

This isn't a "mixed up hands" story but it's in the same vein:

So one day after delivering an order whilst on my former pizza delivery job, I was walking back to my car. As I walked, I took my car key between my fingers, and my brain told my hand, "Okay hand, the next thing you're going to do is insert that key into the ignition to start the car." And my hand was like, "Okay, word. I got this." Then as I sat down in the car, my brain said to me, "[Panhead09], you should probably take your phone out of your pocket and charge it before starting the car. The battery is getting low." And I said, "That's a good idea brain. You should pass that along to my hand." And my brain said, "I think I'll do just that." So my brain relayed this message, which had to pass through my arm. And as the message was about at my elbow, my arm said, "Charging the phone? Got it. I'll get this process going." And so my arm started moving to get my phone out of my pocket.

But here's the thing. My arm started moving before the new message made it to my hand. So while my arm was all excited, going "Oh yea that phone is gonna get so charged..." my hand was still in its own little world, thinking, "Insert the key and turn on the engine...Insert the key and turn on the engine..."

Anyway that's how I ended up stabbing myself in the leg with my car key.

19.) From dwest313:

Phone in one hand, open Pepsi bottle in the other. Threw the wrong one on my bed.

20.) From StylishSuidae:

A couple minutes ago I unwrapped a stick of gum, stuck the wrapper in my mouth, and threw the gum in the trash.

21.) From ledow:

Friend of mine once put the remote control in the oven and then wondered why he found himself in the living room holding a sausage.

Remote control was destroyed. And it had previously spent several days in the back of a freezer because of a similar incident.

22.) From FavouriteParasite:

I once picked up my toothbrush and then instead of picking up toothpaste I picked up a tube of cortisone. Luckily caught myself. I also once picked up a razor instead of a toothbrush and just stared at it.

Another time I poured water on the floor instead of in the sink. Just imagine someone standing facing away from the sink, angling their glass of water downwards and just staring at the stream of water hiting the floor. Mom has done the same, but poured the glass of water into a dog cage my cat was chilling in. Cat didn't move but stared at her like "what the fuck?".

23.) From obernewtyn16:

Stuck a dog treat in my mouth and gave my dog my popsicle. She was thrilled.

People are applauding this person's funny response to someone who refused to wear a mask.

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The coronavirus is spread through respiratory droplets, and idiots refusing to listen to medical experts.

There are real people out there who are more inclined to believe a Minion meme or anti-vaxx blogger than the World Health Organization or the Center for Disease Control if it means they won't be inconvenienced with things like masks and quarantines that are in place to save lives.

A snarky anti-masker on Facebook accused those who adhere to public health guidelines of "blindly listening" to the CDC, and a brave soul's response to the idiot is going viral on Reddit.

The first commenter, likely thinking they had their science-supporting opponent with a "gotcha!" question, asked, "So because the CDC said it, you're just going to blindly listen to them without doing your own research?"

Here's what the had to say about that:

YES. 100% YES. YES YES YES.

What f**king research am I going to do that is going to in any way be more valid and valuable than research from a government agency that spends $6.5 BILLION a year on studying diseases???

Do you honestly think your Google skills are worth six and a half billion dollars a year of scientific research by scientists specializing in that field?

You listen to the CDC when they say how to handle a pandemic. Period.

I just... I can't anymore with you. Put a f**king mask on. It's literally easier for you to put a mask on than to have this argument. That's how easy it is. It's the easiest thing in the world. Stop being a petulant child and do the easiest thing in the world to help people not die. And please don't respond. I don't need to hear another reason for you not to do such a simple thing. I don't have the time or energy to deal with a breathing Dunning-Kruger graph.

Over 77,000 people applauded this response, and it serves as a model for anybody brave enough to blast their anti-science aunt on Facebook.

Hey Aunt Sherry: it's on.

20 people who work, drive, or explore late at night share their scariest after-dark stories.

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Have you really, truly lived if you don't have at least one scary story that still haunts you to retell?

Sometimes, these stories take the shape of palpable dangers - a stranger following us, a work customer stalking us, or a wild animal confronting us. But in other stories, there are no clear answers - the noises and experiences that terrified us remain mysterious even long after the fact.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared their creepiest stories from road trips, night shifts, and generally being out in the dark alone.

1. From OlDBY37:

I was driving down an old highway (not heavy usage any more) during a snow storm in 2011. Had a pretty close call on this particular trip.

I was heading to the next town over with my girlfriend at the time, and we behind an SUV on the road. We were behind them for a good while, when they came to a stop. I maneuvered the car around to get a good look at why they stopped.

There was a truck in the road, driver and passenger doors open, and two sets of tracks in the snow leading off to the woods. I got out of the car to make sure no one was injured or needed help, but there were no signs of car trouble.

There wasn't much snow built up on the inside of the car, so the doors hadn't been left open for long (it was snowing pretty heavy).

I started to follow the set of tracks into the woods to check, but stopped. Before I could do much of anything else, the driver of the SUV called me over and let me know that the truck had been reported as stolen.

They said highway patrol was on their way, so I went about my business.

A day or so later I found out the owner of the truck was a man who lived nearby that had been missing for over a week. The police went into the woods to look for him, and found his freshly deceased body in a ditch with a single gun shot to the back of the head.

Whoever took him beforehand must have marched him out there, executed him, and just wandered off into the woods.

I'm still very glad I didn't follow those tracks. I didn't hear the shot, so it must have been right before we all arrived at the truck. I don't even want to think what would have happened to me if I'd persisted.

2. From Piefje:

Once I was working in a restaurant and got done at around 12ish. I always rode my bicycle to and from work, it was about 15min along a bike trail next to the train tracks. This trail was constantly straight but had quite a few exits here and there. It also only had a few small parts of it lit up by street lights so without my front bicycle light I would be totally blind for the most part.

So this one night I leave omw home after the shift and I notice a guy is biking behind me which isn't too weird at that time of night in a busy (but very safe) city. It was weird that he had no lights and was still there after the first main exits which after that led to a small town but I thought it might just be a coincidence.

I felt a bit creeped out and thought I might just be tired and the dark of the night is getting to me. So I decided to bike a bit slower and let this person pass there was definitely enough room on this trail. The person started drifting along at the same speed as me and made no attempt to pass or even come closer.

This is about when I'm a few min away from home and decide to take some random lefts and rights instead of going straight home just in case this person was following me and wouldn't find out where I live. I bike around going in random twists and turns in a suburban neighborhood and HE'S STILL BEHIND ME.

What I then did as I noticed I was heading straight for a long small dark path only for bicycles I decided to turn into one of the houses and hide in the dark shadows from their garage. I heard this person pass the house and brake quickly in that small path. At this moment my blood is boiling. Now I hop on my bike and when I passed the edge of that street I stopped and stared that person in the eyes. (Well that's what I hope he thought cause I actually couldn't see anything of his face)

I biked so fast then did another few extra loops here and there until I felt safe and alone again to go home. Never had anything like it afterwards and still don't know who or why it could have been. I'm happy not knowing.

Edit: I'm an average sized girl and in my early 20's when this happened.

TL;DR: Bicycled home after a late shift in the dark and someone was clearly following me, was able to hide and get away.

3. From dawrina:

I worked at a movie theater and most often worked the closing shift.

One night me and another manager were sitting in the small office. She was working on the nightly deposit and I was finishing up inventory numbers, We had a CD player that we would listen to at night with a stack of CDs sitting next to it. I stood up and changed the CD and sat back down. About a minute after the entire stack of cds LAUNCHED itself across the room.

One of the CDs hit my co-worker in the back of the head. She looked around and saw me sitting there dumbfounded with the cds scattered all around me and the office. We quickly finished up and left.

A couple of days later one of the other day shift managers calls me and asks me what we were doing the prior night. She seemed really annoyed which was out of character for her because we were friends. I asked her what she meant and she asked me why we had dumped all of the security tapes onto the floor and left them there.

I told her we hadn't touched the security tapes at all.

The tapes were stored on top of the CCTV monitor on a small VHS tape shelf. The shelf hadn't been moved and only the tapes were on the floor. She also said that all of the sleeves from the tapes had been removed and thrown all over the place too.

4. From 732:

I came back into my camp from cooking/cleaning/taking a dump, and found an individual digging around in my tent and gear. I quietly watched the person from a bit away while they rummaged around, eventually leaving while taking nothing.

Packed up all my sh*t and hiked through the in the dark. There's zero good things that could come from someone else looking through your gear in the middle of the woods as nighttime approaches. Don't know what they wanted, don't want to find out.

5. From Mist3rTryHard:

I don't really know if it qualifies as scary but I remember getting hit from behind by something while I was stopped in the middle of an intersection in the middle of the night last year.

To this day, I don't really know what it was. I even saw the traffic cam footage and saw nothing. All I saw was me being stopped completely in the middle of the road waiting for a car in front of me to pass by so I can cross when my car shook like something had hit it from behind and a minute or so later, it showed me parking to the side to check what had happened.

The "accident" didn't leave any dents nor scratches but it had enough impact to disalign my bumper.

I've actively tried to avoid that road since.

6. From Squarerigjack:

I was the navigation officer for a research ship in the south pacific. We had recently come to Papua New Guinea for some work along the coast. We had arrived in a small bay at around 10pm in the dark and dropped the anchor. I went over to mark our position on the chart and noticed an annotation that said "native village reported in the area". There were no fires or lights on the coast so I didn't think anything much more of it. I turned on all the deck and underwater lights and went back in to the bridge to stand my night watch as everyone else went to bed. With all the lights on I couldn't see further than about 25 yards because of a light mist in the pitch black night.

I sat in the bridge with the door open because I like the sound of the night and the feeling of the air in the tropics. I kept hearing light splashing in the water and went out to see because often we get hundreds of fish in our underwater lights. There was nothing there. I went back inside but kept hearing faint splashing and couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Since I couldn't see in to the distance I went in to the chart room and flicked on our infrared camera system and there they all were. About 50 native outrigger canoes just sitting outside our pool of light.

About 3 people to a canoe and all just sitting and watching us. Occasionally paddling one way or the other to keep their station. I have never felt so suddenly and violently alone and small as I did on that ship in the dark. I got a deck hand up and we both just walked around the decks to show that people were awake and moving. They sat there and watched us all night. Completely invisible except for on the infrared cameras. In the morning they came in and traded with us and were very friendly and just hadn't had a ship in their bay for decades.

7. From bobbo2011:

I’m a little late to the party but this one filled my nightmares for a long time after it happened...

A couple years ago, I was living in Colombo, Sri Lanka at a small hostel on the outskirts of the city. The hostel catered to long-term guests so I got to know everyone pretty well who lived there. There was a guy living with us, his name was Raj, and Raj was a middle-man of sorts in the casinos. In Sri Lanka, the casinos are incredibly shady places full of Russian mobsters and other low-life criminals from China and India. The casinos are technically illegal but the continue operation through bribery and government coercion. I went to one of them one time and it was a surreal experience.

Anyway, my friend Raj’s job was to take online bets from Indian clients and make them physically in the casino. He was playing with their money and was simply the vessel to allow individuals to play from another location. He played in some high stakes games and with a lot of money for some powerful people. Basically a recipe for disaster.

One night, he f*cked up, BIG TIME. One of his clients managed to gain access to his online system and stole all of the money his clients had deposited to play with, a sum well over $50,000 US, which is a fortune in Sri Lanka.

We only found out about the theft after Raj’s disappearance. A note was left in his bed, very cryptic, saying “don’t look for me” and “I’m leaving” among other things. Dude vanished overnight. We made a police report and waited to hear anything.

After a few days, the police come back to visit, asking someone who knew Raj to join them. The locals in the hostel were afraid to go with the police, so I volunteered and was taken to their headquarters. They took me to the back where I was shown photos of a body, cut into pieces. It was Raj. He’d been cut apart and dumped into the sewer canal nearby by someone. They’d brought me there to identify the body. They never found who did it either, and the image of those photos had never really left me. I’ll forever be haunted by it and I left the hostel shortly afterwards. Poor guy was caught up in some shady stuff but he didn’t deserve that.

8. From Nomadic_Photography:

I was camping in my car while on a drive up to see my family in Salt Lake. I was taking my time on what should've been about an 11-hour car drive with minimal stops. But this time I was on my own so I was stopping to take in views and all that. Think I was about 18 and not much money to my name so instead of getting a pricey room for the night I decided I'd just find a secluded place off the freeway in the desert. (for anyone that's ever driven the route, it was about an hour past the race track just outside of Las Vegas) It was one of those exits where there were just farm roads coming off it. So I assume I wasn't gonna be on anyone's land that would mind too much or ever check on me.

I pulled off and parked up, was sat on my tailgate enjoying my dinner of beef jerky and Arizona tea while listening to music. Just normal stuff. Out of nowhere, a f*cking motorcycle flies past me. No lights no nothing, it was going fast enough that I took me a solid 20 seconds to put it all together. Laughed and shook my head just thinking how dumb it was but it's their life do what they want. Not a minute later two low flying Jets fly overhead. Top gun style, curving mountains, and battling valleys. It was a great show. Then 10 minutes later or so a convoy comes rolling down the road. I could hear it before I saw the lights.

Now I grew up in the military so I'm use to seeing this sh*t. But this felt different, maybe it was just the series of events. Normally you see a convoy you wave at em and let them go by. But it was nearly midnight and something told me to just turn around and pretend I didn't see anything. A humvee pulls up and basically blocks me from moving my vehicle could hear doors open but no one gets out to come to me (I was leaning on my hood at this point, the car was off all that) Didn't even turn to look at them. Keep my hands away from me and on the hood. I could feel them just looking at me. Convoy passes, humvee pulls out and goes on their way.

I really think it was just the series of events. The jets were probably doing practice since the AFB is right next to LV. The motorcycle was just some dude taking advantage of empty roads and the convoy was just out for some training like the jets.

9. From bliceroquququq:

Not exactly a lonely road, but I was speeding west on I-70 through Colorado near Glenwood Canyon when I decided to slow down and enjoy the view. I notice a State Patrol car in front of me a minute later when he turns on his sirens, and I think he’s got me busted for speeding. Instead, he’s pulling to the shoulder up ahead to help a broken down motorist.

I slow down and remember looking at the motorist who is sitting in the drivers seat with their head down, thinking “man that guy is lucky to get help out here, no cell coverage, etc”. I keep driving west.

A few minutes later I start to notice police cars flying past me headed back east, sirens blaring, going extremely fast through a curvy canyon. One after another for like 15 minutes, ambulances, fire trucks, seems like all emergency response in the country is headed back the direction I came from.

The next day I’m at a hotel in Utah and discover what happened. Turns out the broken down motorist had skipped bail, and after being confronted by the state trooper who was there to offer assistance, exited his car and began shooting the officer in his back multiple times. On a normal day, the officer would’ve died as they typically drive alone, but on that day he was headed to training and had a partner in the car who empties his clip and killed the motorist. Officer almost bled out on the road but survived.

10. From TN_Yeti:

On one night shift dispatch gave us a call about “screaming in (whichever) elevator”. So we go to it, and can indeed hear screaming. We get a person posted at every floor of this elevator. You can hear the screaming when the elevator is moving, but when the doors open there’s nothing. We decide to have maintenance take a look. Maintenance finds nothing wrong.

11. From MentORPHEUS:

I was sleeping in a hammock on my mountain ranch, and woke up around 4am. After lying there awake watching stars for about 5 minutes, I heard the sound of something big urinating nearby. In the night silence, the sound was so clear as to distinctly change as the dirt went from dry to muddy to a small puddle. I didn't hear any movement afterward. There are deer, coyotes, bobcats, and rarely bears in this area.

12. From TWolfeTheThird:

I've posted about this before in another thread but I feel it fits here.

So this happened on my shift (graveyard) I was helping another short-staffed store across town.

Had a woman come in, she seemed a little frazzled and is carrying a bible but otherwise she seems fine. She buys some chips then starts talking to me about crazy this corona virus stuff, yada yada then she tells me ate a evil spirit pretending to be a clove of garlic. I of course think shes just messing with me but no she pulls out a piece of garlic lays it on the counter and starts telling me it isn't garlic and is in fact a demon that wanted to possess her.

She then starts asking me about if i believe in spirits or if I can see it because despite looking like im one of the humans that's a third demon I'm really a human who's a third angel who was sent to earth to help her expel the evil spirits and urges she feels and that it's okay if I didn't know it because she can see it and she leaves the garlic on the counter and tells me that she'll wait for me to deal with it.

Now that's pretty much where the original incident ended. A few days later about 2 am maybe 2:15ish on a Tuesday I'm working the graveyard shift at my usual store when this woman pops up again.

She proceeds to just buy some candy and sorta hang out asking me about jade (the jewelry type) and incenses and if we've met before. Nothing as weird as before.

Now the weird thing is I didn't hear or see her come in before she approached the counter we have a loud ass siren thing that turns on when the doors are opened and only shuts off when they're closed. Which is normally not a big deal but considering I'd been stocking and cleaning in the front the whole time and had only gotten 2 or 3 customers before hand yeah it was a bit weird.

She hangs out a bit longer than rushes to restroom and and doesn't walk out of it til about 6. Says have a nice day and just walks out the store like nothing.

Which freaks me the fuck out cuz I cleaned the restrooms a little bit after she went in and she somehow had managed to slip out or hide somewhere when I went to clean them.

Outside of hiding in the stalls there is no where to hide in the restrooms and there's no windows to slip out of. And like a jacka*s I looked up at the top of the stalls and at the ceiling thinking she had a pulled a Spiderman but nope she just poof! Disappeared then reappeared and left super casual a couple hours later.

TL:DR Customer told me she ate a demon trapped in garlic and I was half angel. Then a few nights later she shows up again pulls a houdini in the bathroom and randomly exits the restroom and leaves the store a couple hours later.

13. From thot-trot:

When I was 18, my family and I took a vacation to Hawaii. My mother wanted to do the touristy thing and do the “road to Hana”. Normally you can take a tour bus up it, but that wasn’t good enough for her. So we rented a car. The rental companies typically forbid driving that road because of the liability issues. That didn’t stop my mother.

We had a normal drive up there, plenty to see. We spent all day exploring. So by the time everyone was exhausted, it was night. Now, we were a good ways away from the road down, think back dirt roads of Maui. So what do we do? Go down some of the closed off local roads. This one road, in particular, was a very narrow winding road over the edge of the island. You couldn’t even stop on the road to get out and pee. If you looked over the edge, it was a straight drop into the ocean.

Anyhow, so we were driving in the dead of the night, slowly, and we approach this weird bend that backs up to a heavily forested area, a small waterfall, and a cliff overhand just above us. My mother wanted to take some pictures of the moon, stars, ocean because it was breathtaking with no city lights. So we pull off to the side of this road, with just enough space to let another car pass you. I, of course, get out too. It was dead silent. Then all of a sudden I hear what sounds like a crying baby.

Which was...weird. We were in the middle of no where and hadn’t seen anyone for HOURS. So, I’m just standing there, confused, and it stops. I motion for my mother to come over and ask if she heard anything. She didn’t. So we stand there for a little longer and it starts up again. Neither of us could pinpoint where it was coming from. Both of us were panicked because that’s what baby crying does to most humans. We spent a good hour calling out and trying to figure out what to do. Eventually it stopped.

We returned back to the hotel and never heard anything about it.

The end. :)

14. From Roushfan5:

As a rule I don't believe in ghosts or any other super natural stuff, but I do have a ghost story of sorts. It's not very dramatic but at the time I was freaked the f*ck out and more than a little confused.

A few years ago at Beverly Beach State Park in Newport Oregon. I was walking with my dog along this trail that runs along a fairly large creek to the left and a fairly steep hill filled with brush to the right. I was pretty close to the campground, I could still see the RVs and tents through the trees on the other side of the creek.

As I was walking along I saw another kid about my age (14ish) and all by myself and feeling a bit lonely I thought I'd approach him. About 50 feet away from him though my dog starts panic barking.

I mean freaking the f*ck out. Hackles raised, teeth bared, tail tucked, feet against the ground. Usually my dog is as friendly as he can be, so I was stunned I'd never seen him act this way before. I tug on his leash and with all my strength and giving the kid a wide breath, manage to pull my dog past the kid and further along the trail. I apologize for my dog's behavior and the kid says nothing, just stares at me. Head slowly tracking me, almost like it would in a horror movie.

As soon as the kid is out of sight doggo immediately relaxes, wagging his tail and happy as a clam at high tide. Baffled something in me forces me to turn around and walk back towards the kid wondering what could have made my dog act like that. (Yeah, I'd probably be the first to die in a horror movie.) The kid's gone.

I mean gone and I have no idea where he could have went where I wouldn't have seen/heard him. Even if he'd taken off at a dead sprint down the long straightaway and towards the next corner in the 30 seconds my back was turned I feel like I would have seen him, and thanks to the creek/hillside surrounding him there really was only one way to go.

I suppose it's most likely that some shy kid terrified of dogs was equally scared sh*tless of me and my dog as we where of him, but everyone I tell this story too that's the type to believe in ghosts are absolutely certain this was dog sensing and evil spirit.

15. From PaintyPaint98:

I had freshly turned 18 and was working a closing shift at a small cafe in a grocery store. One of my regular customers comes in, Tom. Tom was a hugger, he'd come in and call out "where's my girls?" and we'd all have to awkwardly hug this 80 year old man while he whispered "God bless you" in your ear. I hated Tom. He always held on a little too long and whispered a little too close.

On this shift, I was closing alone and Tom came in at about 4 pm. Not unusual, I dealt with the creepy and got him his coffee and bagel. He was with his wife this time, she was sweet but tired looking. He started asking me questions as i worked.

What do I have to do at night? Is it hard closing alone? What time am I off? Do i ever get scared walking to my car in the dark? The questions got progressively more uncomfortable and his wife just sat there silently. I answered as friendly as I could, despite the hair on the back of my neck standing up. I would catch him staring at me often. It was okay though, I was off work at 7 so it wasn't a big deal.

Until he didn't leave. His wife went home without him, and he just stayed, staring, for hours. I asked if there was anything else he needed, he said no, I'm just waiting for you to get off of work. He wanted to walk me to my car, he said, because young girls shouldn't be in a dark parking lot alone. I told him it wasn't necessary and continued about my work, ignoring him now even as he stared.

He left about 15 minutes before my shift ended, into the dark Michigan winter, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't think twice when I punched out and headed to my car. I grabbed my snow brush and began clearing my car, enjoying the quiet that's unique to a snowy night. I began to hear the crunching of footsteps behind me, I brush it off, I am in a parking lot, after all. But they get closer, past any other car and directly towards my car, parked away from the others in employee parking. I look, and it's Tom, maybe 50 ft away and smiling. He tells me that I should have looked for him, he had been sitting outside waiting for me and I should know it's dangerous for young girls to be alone in a parking lot at night.

I began shaking. I tried to open my car door but it was frozen shut due to the earlier storm. Tom came closer, calling me a stupid girl and asking God to forgive him. I debated running back into the store, he was so old he surely couldn't keep up, right? I didn't want to chance it, though. He could have been younger as I'm a terrible judge of age, and I'm not exactly fast myself considering my weight. So I stand my ground. I fumble in my purse for my pepper spray, thankfully attached to my keys. I tell him to stay back, I have pepper spray, and to go home to his wife. He glowers at me. I show him the teal canister. We're about 15 feet apart now, he's well within range. He calls me a b*tch, spits at me, and heads back into the store. I get in my half uncovered car and drive home, terrified.

I called the store when I got home (only a mile and a half away, so about 2 minutes) and told them what had happened. They kicked Tom out and told him not to come back. He began cursing up a storm and his wife had to come pick him up. He ended up getting arrested for child pornography a couple years later, but I don't know the details as I had moved away at that point. Can't say I'm sad to see him go, though.

16. From Francis-Hates-You:

This isn’t really that scary but around 2014 I witnessed what I can only assume could be ball lightning. The weather was clear though and it didn’t seem to emit electricity so I can’t really be sure. But anyway I was taking a walk around sunset and noticed this orange glowing orb roughly the size of a softball slowly drifting about 20 feet in the air. I stopped and watched it for a few minutes until it disappeared behind the trees. I’m still mad I didn’t have a smart phone at the time because I totally would have recorded it.

17. From AlfonsoMussou:

This was actually on a Danish highway with lots of traffic. I was riding my motorcycle, and pulled over at a rest stop. The stop only had a parking lot and a toilet, no gas station or anything, and was hidden from view from the highway by trees.

As I stopped, there was only one car in the parking lot. A man was standing next to it. He came over and I thought he was just a tiny bit strange. He told me he was a German chemistry professor,but did not look the type. He had been sleeping in the trunk of his station wagon, and when he left through the rear hatch he had left the keys inside and the car was locked. He wanted to borrow my phone to call for assistance. And I let him use it.

After the phone call, I was still talking to him and he told me about the trip he was on. I was more or less trying to end the conversation, when a run down van with graffiti on it stopped next to us. Out comes a man who looked...a bit off. Like a mix of 80's denim jacket gang member and a drug dealer. He opened with "How much is that motorcycle worth!". I found that slightly threatening. He kept on talking about how nice my bike was, as well as telling me his life story. He told me he was a West German truck driver in the 80's, driving a route to East Germany.

He had an East German girlfriend who he met every time he was there. But they were discovered by Stasi, and he never saw her again. He was convinced she was killed by Stasi because of her relationship with him (West German). At that point, he had moved to Norway, and worked there as a butcher for 10 years. "But then some things happened in my life and I joined the foreign legion."... Now, people don't just join the French foreign legion... The way he said it made me think he was saying that he did some serious crime, but escaped the police/prison by joining the legion. Which is apparently a thing.

Now, at this point I was 100% convinced he was bullsh*tting me, I just did not understand what he was trying to achieve. Did he want to steal my bike? Or my wallet, phone? Meanwhile the professor wanted to leave SO bad, but he was still locked out of his car. Me and the crazy dude was speaking partly Danish/Norwegian, so he did not understand what we were talking about, but I guess you could say he understood enough to be a bit frightened.

I wanted to pull on this crazy guys strings a bit, so I asked him about something I'd heard about the foreign legion. That they give you a dog, and you have to care for the dog and have it as a pet, and then they make you kill it and eat it. He told me "nope, that's not true. It's a rabbit, not a dog!". And then he kept talking about it in a way that was very, very convincing. And then he pulls the ace out of his sleeve. Literally. He pulls up his sleeve and reveals a tattoo of a legioneer of the French Foreign Legion, in uniform, covering his whole arm from elbow to wrist. I mean, non-legioneers don't have that....

I was still trying to figure out what he wanted. He had still not asked what me and the professor were waiting for. But just then, a roadside assistance truck arrived to help the professor, and the crazy guy realized the situation. And then became annoyed because if he had known, he could have picked the car door lock in seconds. "I have equipment for it in my car!" Anyway, the professor and the crazy legioneer became occupied with the locked car and the arrival of the roadside assistance truck. And I got on my bike and noped the f*ck out of there.

In the end of the day, I think he was genuinly a legioneer, butcher and truck driver. I think he was a lonely guy, just looking for conversation, but no longer used to civilian friendly conversation. I'm sure he had hundreds of interesting stories to tell, but I would prefer to hear them in a less isolated place than a Danish rest stop...

18. From KamikazePizza:

Last year I started working the graveyard shift at a newer hotel. It was built basically over the spare pasture for the farmer that still lives next door. One night I'm doing my late shift thing (which was absolutely nothing) and I was standing at the front desk browsing the internet. The front door is perfectly visible from where i was standing, and I thought I saw a flash of white out of the corner of my eye that came from that direction. There's a lot of stray cats around here so I didn't think anything of it at first, on top of the fact that I was half asleep and there was a good chance it wasn't anything anyway, until I noticed it a second time, but much slower.

I look up and out of the sliding glass doors I saw a giant white mass. If that was a cat it was an absolute monstrosity. Nervously, I walk towards the door to investigate, not knowing what kind of sumo wrestling feline I was about to encounter. I finally am able to see out towards the street, and lo and behold, there were 4 horses loitering in front of our hotel. I failed to put two and two together at first and had no idea where they came from, and if you can believe it the hotel didn't provide me with any horse handling training, so I had no idea what I could do.

The hotel is right next to a busy highway, and even at 3 in the morning I was worried about the horses wandering around unattended. I ended up calling the police and after telling them where I was I told them, verbatim: "I don't know how to explain this, but there are unattended horses outside."

I didn't see anyone show up, but the horses were back in the pasture behind the hotel the next day so everything must have sorted itself out well in the end.

I know that wasn't very scary but it was when I experienced it. Two of my coworkers are convinced the hotel is haunted though, maybe they've got some better stories.

19. From arcticredneck10:

Once my friend and I were hiking on an overnight trip to the summit of this peak, in order to get from the campgrounds to the peak you had to (unless you wanted to cross a deep river) walk across the mountain ridges and then desend into a valley in order to climb out of the valley onto another set of moutain ridges. It is impossible to reach the mountain in one day so you have to find a place to camp for the night.

In this area of Alaska, everywhere is tundra and mountains except for the valley between the two ridges. There is cover from the wind there so we decided to set up camp there. It is important to note that the campground has the only road leading to civilzation for miles. To come from any direction other the the one we came from would mean the nearest town is more then a 100 miles away. Also important side note when we arrived we were the only people at the campground.

It is late at night and we are trying to fall asleep when we hear footsteps approching, slow human footsteps and a raspy breathing. It was human for sure, not animal. We were armed with a bolt action rifle for protection from bears so we asked who was out and there was no reply. We then heard them knock over our clothes drying rack. I was scared shitless and warned the person outside that we were armed. The footsteps suddenly picked up as the person ran past our tent opposite of the direction of the campgrounds. There was no shacking of a pack as they ran which I found odd.

It was a sleepless night and when the sun shone on the valley we exited our tent to find our clothes drying rack in tatters and there were small bootprints in the ground leading towards and away from our tent. We made it to the mountain and hightailed it back to the campground as fast as we could. I dont know who that was but I didnt go camping for a while after that.

20. From wakizashis:

A few years back I shared a house in the suburbs with a couple of roommates. It was a planned development, with lots of benefits like a community pool, park, garden, etc. The downside was the local bus stopped running at around 8 PM. I worked graveyards and early shifts nearby, not an issue. But my roommate, Luke, worked a night shift that only clocked off at around 10 PM, then he had to ride the city bus for an hour to get ten miles out from where the house was. I told him if he covered some of my utilities share, I’d pick him up in my car and save him the late-night walk home from the city bus stop. This worked out great, and another roommate, Jen, started to join me for the ride or to go on a late night snack run.

One night I was sleeping and woke up to the sound of Jen calling my name over and over, “Waki, Waki...” I get up in a daze and think, damn, I fell asleep and missed Luke’s text, now we’re late to pick him up. Jen’s in the driveway under my window and still calling me, “Waki, Waki...” I tell her I’m coming and she stops. I‘m rushing now cause I have two roommates waiting on me, so I put on a jacket, go downstairs, grab the keys, slip on my shoes and open the garage, and see nothing in the driveway except my car.

I’m confused, since there’s no way Jen’s 170 cm self is hiding behind our dying rose bush or my Toyota. I think about going out to look around for her, cause maybe she walked down the street a bit to smoke a cigarette since she knows I hate the smell, but I realize I forgot my phone. I close the garage and go back inside, Jen got outside without it open, she can get back in without it. As I rush upstairs to where all our rooms are, I realize the lights are on under Jen and Luke’s rooms. They’re both home.

I get to my room, check my phone and see that it’s 2 AM on a Sunday. Luke doesn’t work Sundays and Jen was never outside calling my name.

21 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You're Married.

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"All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble."

-Raymond Hull

This list perfectly nails the struggles of married life. If you and your spouse agreed to the whole 'til death do us part thing, you will totally relate to these hilariously accurate marriage memes.

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17 sailors share stories of the strangest things they've seen at sea.

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The ocean is a very mysterious place...

There is still so much we don't really know about the massive bodies of salt water that take up the majority of our planet. While it's confirmed that mermaids, sirens and sea monsters probably aren't frolicking in the magical waterworld of Atlantis, there are still countless species that we haven't discovered yet. Giant squids? Megalodons? Ursula the sea witch? "The old lady who dropped it into the ocean at the end?" It's all out there (maybe)!

If you have spent any amount of time exploring the ocean by diving or traveling by boat, you've probably experienced a fair amount of fascinating and beautiful creatures or views. So, when a recent Reddit user asked, "Mariners of Reddit, what’s the strangest thing you’ve seen out on the open ocean?" people were ready to share their wildest tales from life at sea.

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We were at least 5 days away from land and our ship was covered bow to stern in praying mantis. Not truly the weirdest thing ever, but after not seeing much life for a few weeks it was an experience for sure. - ObamasCoffeeCup

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Strange lights in the sky and water. Usually it's just a shooting star or some sort of bioluminescent sea creature. - ReshiRamRanch

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Whales doing ballet in the bay. Hilarious to watch such a massive and heavy beast come flying out of the water over and over again like it's just playing, meanwhile it's big enough to just crush me instantly. - 73Scamper

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Seeing humpback whales surface right beside you unexpectedly is pretty weird if you aren't used to it, especially when they're larger than your boat. - EmbarrassedHelp

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Dolphins taking turns surfing in waves behind my sailboat at night. I could clearly see the phosphorescent trail of them surfing down the wave and going between my rudder and keel. More than twenty individuals with the most amazing trails through the water. - svosprey

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My dad and I used to go boating in the Gulf of Mexico to go fishing. We were way out when my dad caught a rope. He pulled it for seemingly ever until we found a wooden box on one end. The box was a trap filled with stone crabs (normal enough) but we couldn’t find another end of the rope, the trap was very worn, and the crabs seemed to be newly caught. - VanillaTyce

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Not on the ocean, but whirlpools and drains in the middle of lakes absolutely terrify me. There’s something about them that are so foreboding and menacingly - pdoxr9

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Was motoring through hurricane Irene (captaining a 32' charter catamaran) between Anegada and Jost Van Dyke in open water many miles from any coast/harbor....and stumbled upon a local man with NO BOAT doing "deep sea spear fishing". Dude had a 4x1.5 foot Rubbermaid container attached to 2 bouys filled to the brim with ice and fish. Probably at least 300 lbs of deep sea catches (before gutting). And all he had was a rudimentary, blacksmithed, iron spear rigged with silicone tubing on a stick for the propulsion.

Why the F are you spear fishing in the open ocean during a hurricane, and how the F did you spear all those you wizard?!?!?!

We scooped him up, gave him a ride, and then enjoyed an enormous bounty of fresh deep sea fish with the fellow. He must have given us 20-25 lbs of his catch when we scooped him and gave him a ride to Jost Van Dyke.

Saw the dude later on, getting off his dingy at Pusser's bar with plenty of fresh catches for the tourists.

Dude was chill, poured us some of his homebrew rum and open fire grilled us some local chicken. Was bomb af. Never learned his name. - Jsmoke91

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Physically seeing a ship and confirming it on radio, talking to the captain, then 10 seconds later, looking up and it's gone. Do a radio check, and nobody knows the call sign or what ship I allegedly talked to. - Weitschutze

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In Slovenia, whilst on our research vessel, we saw a pale and bold thing almost emerge from the sea, it looked incredibly humanoid (as in its head was poking above sea level, with a thin layer of water over its head). It was there for a split second, and we assumed it was a diver trying to scare us. Lo and behold, we carried out a biodiversity assessment in that very area and found nothing apart from some smaller fish. But no man.

To this day, me and my marine biology professors have no idea what it was, and how it got there (I was majoring in marine biology at the time).

We named this species as baldusmanius - Tom5pence

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Generally the strangest thing out at sea is sailors that have been at sea a few months... - HoggishPad

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I worked on a research vessel, we once trawled up a prosthetic leg a few days off land. I always wondered what happened to the person who that leg belonged to... did they lose it overboard while fishing? Were they also attached to the leg in the water at some point? The mystery of the leg still sticks with me 5 years later - the dooderak

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So. Many. Flying. Fish.

And its just sort of eerie being in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, just absolutely nothing in any direction, and many stories up, knowing you'd just vanish forever if you somehow fell in.

And how crazy big some storms and waves get.

Never saw anything otherworldly or mythical or anything, but your eyes can def play tricks on you in that sort of environment. - BeeGravy

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Once sailed across the mid atlantic gulf stream. From the deck of the carrier you could see the abrupt change in the water from a deep blue to a more hazy bluey green. Like someone put a line in the ocean. - EmperorofNipples

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At sea off Christmas Island, north of Australia. On warship HMAS Sydney, saw a shooting star kind of object moving across the sky, it was so bright it lit the sky up an electric blue, Kind of like a a electric blue day light. And it was moving rather slow compared to a shooting star. It was most of the way across the sky and it turned 90 degrees or bounced off the atmosphere or something.

All the crew on watch in the bridge with me were all absolutely stunned and not a single one of us had ever seen anything like it. It was scary, awesome and burned into my memory. Especially the blue colour - Sunkendrailor

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The "green flash"

It's a real thing. Just have to get the timing right at sunset or sunrise. I believe it happens due to the sun refracting through the water at the moment that the sun is perfectly passing through the water of the sea, but nothing above it, due to your relative position.

It is truly beautiful and inspiring to see.

I first saw it in the British Virgin Islands off of Anegada. Then again in Cane Garden Bay. Nothing can top that kind of beauty. - Jsmoke91

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I was working on a small cruise ship that had been chartered by a group of about 600 members of Titanic appreciation group (some were fans of the film, some were history buffs, etc.).

The voyage was to commemorate (not recreate) the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. We sailed from New York City, stopped in Halifax, and then sailed a few days out to the site of the disaster.

While onboard, there were historical talks, group events, etc. And on the evening of the actual 100th anniversary, a lot of people dressed in period costumes and they had hired a band with authentic musical instruments from that era to play - and finish - that last song.

It was all pretty surreal, made more so by the relatively calm water and the moonlit sky, and by knowing that the actual Titanic was lying directly below us on the sea-floor.

The strange part was that during the night, they had a priest gather at the railing of the open deck to say a prayer and toss a wreath into the sea. At the moment he did this, a single ordinary bird (a sparrow or similar) came out of nowhere and landed on the deck by my feet. This was over 400 miles (640km) from the nearest land and we'd at sea for a few days. It was a bit startling (even though I'm logically convinced the bird had just been onboard with us since our last port).

The stranger part was that the bird didn't seem sick or injured, but also wasn't afraid of me and allowed me to pick it up. I had to keep it in my cabin and feed it for a few days until we got back to land. When we did, I took it up to the deck where I'd found it and released it back out to fly away. -unittwentyfive

16 people who work in hotels share the strangest things they've found in someone's room.

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Hotels and motels seem to bring out people's weirdest and darkest impulses. Probably because they offer us a zone of privacy that isn't our own home, allowing us the opportunity to indulge in all kinds of wild behavior and then rapidly flee without facing the consequences. But unfortunately, some people don't get to just flee hotels: the ones who work there. They are forced to deal with the aftermath of humans behaving like wild animals, and they see some of the craziest sh*t imaginable. Sometimes literally.

Someone asked people on Reddit who work in hotels: "what was the strangest thing you found in someone's room?" These 16 brave souls share the weirdest, grossest, and most surprising things/behaviors they've ever seen or discovered in a hotel room:

1.) From IrianJaya:

This happened in the early 1990s. I was cleaning up after a guest who had checked out, and our manager made us count all the towels to make sure they didn’t steal any. I was missing one towel, but I found it on top of the television. When I picked it up something soft and pink fell out. I instinctively went to catch it but it was slippery and dropped right through my hands. I looked at it and I was like, “what the heck is this?” I called a couple of co-workers and we all looked at it, none of us knowing what it was. It was some sort of pink, slimy sleeve. I’m guessing you all kind of figured it out, but my young naïve mind had no idea.

2.) From TheY2KBug:

Strangest? Sex toys and drug paraphernalia were pretty typical. Dildoes and glass pipes were the most common, but the funniest one for me was finding a love harness still attached to the corners of the bed, and having to explain to the poor, naive front desk worker what it was...made even more hilarious when she asked why anyone would ever want to do that.

The weirdest setup that I personally found was in a room that demanded to have 2 minifridges brought to their room. I brought both of them up to the room, and found a wall-to-wall buffet of vegan, organic, gluten-free snacks. Hundreds, if not thousands of dollars in snacks, neatly laid out. No meals or substantial food, just tons of munchie devices. And they wanted 2 fridges to store their leftovers in. They were subsisting on their snacks, and storing the food that they'd buy at the hotel restaurant.

3.) From DelectableDinah:

Besides dead bodies and sex toys we had this dude Eric stay with us and he had 14 bottles of barefoot wine and a Sam's club size box of frozen sausage biscuits and gravy. He shit all over the room, there was no surface missed even the ceiling and walls. Then after we kicked him out and charged him he sat in his truck across from us and we could see him trying to sleep in the cab. Suddenly while housekeeping was cleaning the room in full hazmat gear they hear sirens coming. They look over and the cops are surrounding Eric with guns drawn. We cracked jokes about him shitting all over their cruiser from the stairs. Turns out what we didnt get to see was him shitting out all the balloons of drugs he had up his butt.

4.) From notathrowawayoris:

Frequent traveler here. I was staying at a full suite hotel and had a kitchenette. In the back of the utensil drawer there was a butt plug mixed in with the small items like the wine opener, measuring spoons, and such. I stopped cooking at that point and just went with carry out food.

5.) From Xorinas:

A fingernail man, made from full finger nails

6.) From 54rtrt:

Well its not exactly something that was there but more like something missing. I had to call some guests to see why they havent checked out with the front desk but I didnt get a response. I went to the room (the room being a 2 bedroom suite and they actually had 2 suites booked) and when I entered there was no one there. The room was trashed with garbage everywhere and literally a f*cking pizza slice stuck to the ceiling (which I'm assuming was made purposefully as a joke?) but one thing stuck out. The fridge was missing. I looked around but couldnt find it. "Did they steal it?". The moment I entered the other bedroom suite, which was as well trashed but not as bad as the previous one, and went in one of the bedrooms I finally saw it. The fridge was there. They moved the fridge from one suite to the other and put it next to the bed.

At least they didnt steal the fridge so thats nice. Still charged them for the trashed room though.

7.) From EmeraldEyeBall1:

Was a part-time housecleaning service in a hotel, this is a bit weird, but not gross, some guy standing in swim trunks on the bed, with 5 fricking muffins balanced on his head, I just left and did it the cleaning an hour later, and the guy looked a bit embarrassed outside of the door.

8.) From IamJenFox:

Housekeeping called me because they were to scared to clean a room. Went up and the curtains were closed, the mirrors were covered with fabric, there were a bunch of candles and symbols/odd tokens placed all around the room. The whole set up was strange but hey each to their own.

9.) From kelli-leigh-o:

I was delivering an in-room breakfast order to a room registered under a conference attendee for a fairly mundane industry conference.

So I was expecting the meals for two to be for the mister & misses. I get to the room and find the door is propped open. There’s a stack of cases of beer against the far wall and the room is pretty trashed. (All visible from the threshold of the room.)

I noticed two feet hanging off one of the beds. I knocked a couple times and announced myself. The order was called/rang in only about 20-30 minutes beforehand so I figured they would’ve been expecting us.

After standing there for an awkward amount of time and seeing no movement from the feet hanging off the bed, I peek my head in a little more. (I was 19 at the time and wasn’t exactly trained for this scenario in the 2-week training for my summer job.)

After peaking my head in I realize the person in the bed is a girl about my age and she’s laying face down on the bed and isn’t moving or responding to my knocking. She has a blanket strewn over her bottom, but it doesn’t look like she’s wearing any pants/bottoms under the blanket.

I step back in the hallway and radio my supervisor (who was all of like 23.) I told them the situation and said “I kind of have a bad feeling about this room right now. I don’t know if I can just leave this girl here with the door open like this.”

Manager says to hold tight and they’re calling security to come meet me at the room. The worst scenarios are kind of running through my head of what might’ve happened to this girl whether she passed out drunk alone, was drugged, etc.

Just as I see the security guard getting off the elevator, two 20-something boys walk in from the pool deck door with towels and swim trunks coming in walking towards me. Everyone stops outside the room looking kind of confused, and the guard asks the boys if either of them is the name registered to the room. Turns out they’re the sons of the guy there for the conference and I guess he brought the whole family along, which isn’t that uncommon since we were a popular beach resort and it was over the summer.

The girl is their sister who they let sleep in after hard partying the night before at some of the local bars. She woke up when her brother came in and shook her leg, but was super hung over. (And turns out she did have swimsuit bottoms on under the blanket.) They all seemed totally oblivious to why there was a security issue with leaving the door propped open to their room full of beer and a passed out girl. The girl seemed so out of it I don’t even know if she was listening. Just got a grunt essentially and she signed the receipt for her parents. I dropped off the breakfast plates and quickly GTFO.

A couple mornings later their mom stopped by our restaurant in the lobby where I was also a host and asked if I was the girl who dropped off breakfast. I guess her sons pointed me out at some point since I was always working that summer. She thanked me for thinking of the safety of her daughter and calling security. She said she scolded her sons about leaving the door propped like that while their sister slept. She asked me how much the boys tipped (they didn’t) and I told her not to worry since gratuity was included in all orders anyway, but she insisted on giving me an additional tip and handed me $40 cash.

Probably not the weirdest thing in the long run, but it was very unsettling to find someone in that situation.

10.) From YEEyourlastHAW:

I was staying in a hotel on a work trip and came back to find a note that said

do the whip nae nae and bark like a dog

Along with a heart shaped sucker. I thought it was weird and mentioned it over dinner and the company guy with us FREAKED and made me tell the front desk and everything. Id been a blue collar worker up to that point and was like, dude probably just the maids having fun. Calm down.

11.) From evrydaywelit:

One day I got a call from a guest saying that the whole floor smelled like Sucuk (Turkish sausage). Being the youngest I was sent up to look. Got to the floor and the hole corridor was smelling really bad. As I walked trough the corridor the smell got stronger and stronger until I got to this intersection where a door of a room was half open. Policy is to call security but I just couldn’t help my self... I knock once and barge in. In the room I see a guy who has pushed the two twin beds together, turned the iron on to max and was cooking eggs and sucuk on it. He said that his window wasn’t opening enough so he thought he would open the door to make current. He didn’t understand currents.

12.) From ProjectShadow316:

At the hotel I worked at, we had to basically rebuild a bathroom. As I was taking out the ceiling tiles, a porn mag dropped down. It was of 60+ women. Definitely the strangest thing I ever found.

13.) From tightrope1031:

Knocked, no answer, walked in to see 2 sweaty men with guns around them. In the middle the ironing board open with different trays of green dye, paper everywhere, and a photo copier. They were attempting to make counterfeit money. I slowly shut the door and went about my business. I got a good tip when they left, and yes it was real money.

14.) From MaliShark23:

I’ve been waiting for this to be asked because I’ve got a super weird story! A few years ago when I was a student I worked in a bar/restaurant with a B&B attached. During summers and at weekends I worked housekeeping for the B&B for extra cash. One day we had two guys book the upstairs self catering apartment for that night and charge it on a company card. That was fairly normal for us so we didn’t think anything of it. They were going to check out at 5:30 the next morning so didn’t want breakfast or anything. They just arranged to leave the key in the room. Anyway. The next day I go up to the apartment, and into the kitchen. On the kitchen counter there was approximately 30-40 empty cans on monster energy. Which already seemed weird to find. But didn’t think too much of it and just started cleaning. I went into the bathroom to find that there were no towels left in the bathroom. Odd. I knew I’d put fresh ones in the day before (the apartment fits 4 adults, so there should’ve been 4 big towels and 4 hand towels). I start to wonder if they’ve just taken the towels with them. It’s super annoying and shitty. But some people do it. I went through to the living room and where the bedrooms were. Now a little bit of explanation of this apartment, there was one big master room and one small double room down some steps with a low ceiling. With a living room in between the two rooms. I was a little confused to see that the master bedroom hadn’t been touched. Because no one in their right mind would choose the little room over the big room. I went into the little room to find the missing towels across the floor, wet. Not a little damp. But full on soaking. Water poured off them when I moved them. There was more energy drink cans on the bedside table and one of the pairing knives from the kitchen. The last towel was in the middle of the bed (also soaking) and underneath it was another knife and a big patch of blood. Weirdest shit I’ve ever seen. Still not sure if it was the aftermath of a weird sex scene or a satanic ritual.. and whatever it was the use of a company card makes it just that little bit weirder.

TLDR; Found wet towels and blood on a bed in a room filled with empty energy drink cans whilst cleaning a self catering apartment.

15.) From P-O-i-Z-O-N:

I worked as a part time small hotel cleaner. I found someone's piss in the kettle in one of the rooms.

16.) From omnitouchcorp:

This really attractive couple came in rented a room in the shitty motel I worked at, dropped two duffel bags in the room and left. I figured they were going to diner but they never came back. Later some other person went in the room and left with the duffel bags. People do sketchy shit in hotels.


23 Memes For Any Woman Who Could Use A Laugh Today.

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"Let's go girls."

-Shania Twain

These memes are hilariously relatable for all the women out there who love to laugh. Once I found out that frowning caused wrinkles, I made it a point to spend my time doing the opposite. I currently look like I'm 19. It could be the memes, or possibly applying 700 filters to each of my photos. We may never know.

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15 people who've worked in 'adult' stores share the funniest things customers got wrong.

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Sex education is pretty much endangered in a lot of places — and according to people who work in adult shops, it shows.

A recent Reddit thread asked people who've worked in the adult industry to share the funniest misconceptions and questions their customers had. The answers will have you campaigning to expand your school district's sex ed curriculum.

1. This poor lady was in for a disappointment.

I always remember the couple who came in, and the woman said 'so, I was wondering if you have anything that can make him, y'know, bigger. Like, it's not big enough'. Meanwhile, the boyfriend is looking like he wants to die. [...]

'well, there's these dodgy pills that most likely contain unregulated viagra'

'will they work for sure?'

'we sell a lot of them? No one complains!'

They bought some and left.

To this day I'm not sure if the actual birthday present was him wanting to be humiliated as a fetish, or if she didn't understand biology. - brockhopper

2. Who needs soap when you've got pure bleach?

First one that comes to mind is having to explain to a gentleman that the reason his wife doesn't enjoy toys probably has something to do with the fact he was cleaning them with Clorox wipes before hand. - losertastictoaster

3. If only this was how it worked.

Close enough — my friend works as a pharmacist and says a guy came in once looking to purchase Plan B / the morning after pill. He then asked her to explain when he should ingest it because he planned to have unprotected sex that night. - SMGN

4. Health class is failing us.

I had a dude ask me if a certain toy was for vaginal use or “for the uterus” because he thought it was two different holes.- -laurenlunatic-

5. A terrifying thought.

In the shop I work at I get a lot of women who are curious about kegal/benwa balls but wonder what happens if they get lost [inside].. I always gently explain that well that's not possible, or at least highly unlikely. There's always questions about anatomy, but we just do our best to inform people! - madamthefifth

6. This sounds like it was a real issue in their household.

I also once had a gentleman tell me we were ‘scamming’ people by making them think the G spot was a real thing, I assured him that as a woman it was very much real but he wouldn’t budge and just stood there with his unhappy-looking wife telling me doctors had proved it was a myth. - cmelissa27

7. No one is exempt from the tyranny of bra sizes.

Men [would] show up to buy a bra and then look shocked when they realise they need to know their other half’s bra size. - cmelissa27

8. Wish we could say we were surprised...

lots of guys would come in looking for a gift for their female S.O. I would often ask them if they were looking for a toy with [external] or [internal] stimulation. The number of guys who looked at me blankly and went “what is [external]? I just want something to put in her” (or a version of that statement) never failed to surprise me. - Lutang247

9. If only.

You would be astonished the amount of men that are convinced that enlargement cream exists. Then you have to spent half an hour explaining how biology actually works, and that they arent going to find a magical cream to make them 10 inches like the internet tells them.

Then they tell you a friend has some and you want it, and you just look into the CCTV camera like on the office as you try not to smash your face against the counter in utter disbelief at people's idiocy. - Bufferrodentfl0

10. Thank goodness this isn't how it works.

“I can return this, right? You guys can just clean it and put it in a new package or whatever.”

If the industry worked like that, everyone would have hepatitis. Gross. No. - barkoholic

11. That's what they all say.

“I bought/received this blowup doll as a joke gift, and for a joke I blew it up and tried to [utilize] it, but it’s really uncomfortable and doesn’t feel realistic at all. It’s just for a joke though so I really don’t want it anyway. I would never use it, I just, uh, tested it. As a joke.”

Sure, buddy. Sure. - barkoholic

12. They are slightly different.

Client who was convinced that rubbing alcohol was interchangeable with lube. - CircusDinosaur

13. Ducks?!

I had a woman come in and tell me that she doesn’t use toy cleaner she uses bleach or dawn dish soap. She added the comment “you can bathe ducks in it so it’s safe.” - neverhadafelony

14. The worst kind of father-son bonding.

Not a sex shop, but I used to work in a biiiig media shop. Cds, dvds, games, vinyl etc. We sold all that stuff.

Every Thursday (dole day back then) this creepy looking father and son would come in and buy lots of [adult] dvds together - Negative_Splace

15. Phonics can be even harder than sex ed.

Mispronunciations are my favorite. Cle-tore-Ree-all is my favorite. - LuxValentina

Man asks if he's wrong for not telling wife he had vasectomy before they got married.

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They say relationships are all about communication, but some people still make it to adulthood without getting that particular memo.

Case in point: one man has taken to Reddit to see if he's the bad guy for not telling his wife that he's had a vasectomy and therefore can't have kids the natural way. The people of the internet are taking him to the cleaners.

The wild story starts out with an admission that his wife wants to have kids:

I’ve been married to my wife for two years now and she’s always wanted to have a child with me. She mentions it often. I’ve even been “trying” to have one with her. The problem is that I’ve had a vasectomy and she doesn’t know.

And his ex-wife knows the truth about his, shall we say, reproductive capabilities:

My ex wife came over and dropped off our 3 kids 9, 5 and 4. And she’s pregnant by her now husband. Well her and my wife were talking about her new baby and if she knew the gender. Now my ex knows that I’ve been fixed as I did so after our youngest was born.

His current wife let slip that they're trying to conceive:

Well my wife says “I can’t wait to be pregnant, we’ve been trying to have a baby with no luck but it will happen when God allows it” my ex just smiled and she then looked at me and I knew what she was thinking with the look she gave me.

And his ex is now urging him to tell her the truth:

Later she texted me and told me I needed to tell my wife the truth and that she had baby fever and it was cruel to give her false hopes and pretty much called me a A$$hole. So AITA? I know it’s a little dishonest but it would break my wife’s heart to know the truth.

All of the people who responded agree that he's in the wrong.

User readingonthebus seized on the fact that the man is pretending to be trying along with his wife:

So what? Every month, your wife tracks her ovulation, you two have sex multiple times during the fertile window, and then you comfort her with "Maybe next month" when she gets her period? With every passing month she doesn't get pregnant, you keep her hopes and dreams alive with lies? What type of selfish a**hole are you?

And questioned what his plan is for if she seeks medical intervention:

What are you going to do when after a year of trying, she goes to a specialist to see why she hasn't conceived? Refuse to go with her?

Tell her the truth and let her choose the life and partner she wants. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's someone else. But she deserves to make an informed decision.

And stayonthecloud calls the behavior sociopathic:

You sound like a sociopath trying to pretend you have emotions about this. Who the f*** lies about being able to have children with someone they are married to and actively trying to have kids with? For two f******* years!?

Grw313 says they should've already discussed this before marriage:

DESIRE. TO. HAVE. KIDS. SHOULD. BE. DISCUSSED. BEFORE. MARRIAGE. Why is this so hard for some people to grasp? Either, this never came up because you and your wife somehow never talked about kids or birth control before getting married. Or, one of those subjects did come up and you withheld the truth from your wife for some reason. Now, you are selfishly leading your wife on in order to preserve your relationship/save face. You are in way too deep already, but every day longer you wait, you will only sink deeper.

And more comments from the man only made him look worse, according to TopPush7:

He has stated he withheld the information in Hope's she would be happy playing step mom and "grow out" of wanting her own children. This is almost the opposite of getting pregnant to trap a man. Holy cow.

Windsofwinterplease gave the best advice:

Please leave your wife so she can find someone who respects her.

Hope he takes that advice and this woman finds her prince charming — sans vasectomy.

24 Memes To Help You Start Your Day Off With A Laugh.

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"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. "

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Sometimes memes are the only source of joy in your life and that's ok. If you're having one of those mornings where nothing seems to be going right, take a quick laugh break with these hilariously wacky memes. If you actually like mornings and your life is perfect, just shut the hell up and look at these memes anyway. No one likes a braggart.

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18 'date night' posts from quarantined couples keeping the romance alive.

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Quarantine has forced a lot of us to get more creative with how to entertain ourselves, our families and our partners.

Keeping the romance alive when you're trapped together for an indefinite amount of time without being able to see your friends or go to a restaurant, concert or movie is definitely a challenge. There's only so much "couples banana bread making" class you can do before you start to wonder if you should get a divorce because your partner chews too loudly.

Luckily, some people have definitely been able to keep their love strong despite the circumstances and have found safe alternatives to date night. Virtual weddings, Zoom proposals, home movie nights, and TikTok ballroom dancing have kept some entertained while others have learned new skills together.

Here are some of the most creative quarantine dates we could find. Stay safe, everyone!

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16 reactions to Nancy Pelosi calling Trump 'morbidly obese' in a CNN interview.

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President Trump announced on Monday that he was taking the anti-malarial drug hydroxychloroquine as a treatment for COVID-19, a treatment that hasn't been proven effective and for a disease he does not have.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said in an interview with CNN that "it's not a good idea," not only because it hasn't been approved by scientists, but also because Trump is "morbidly obese."

"As far as the president is concerned, he's our president and I would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved by the scientists," she explained. "Especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group, morbidly obese, they say."

The reaction to "morbidly obese"-gate has been.....large. VERY large. With people on the left and right taking umbrage with the "fat-shaming," and many in the center applauding Pelosi's insult.

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Guy asks if he's wrong to break 'bro code' by telling friend's GF to leave him for being controlling.

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Being friends with someone and dating them are very different experiences.

Abusive and deeply manipulative partners are often able to hide that side of themselves when hanging out with friends, only to go home and focus their dangerous side on their partner.

In many cases, abusive partners take extra precautions to appear good in front of friends and family, this double persona helps intimidate victims from coming forward, since they're less likely to believed.

However, in cases where a friend or family member shows abusive traits outside the home, it's statistically safe to say that they're far worse in private. If you discover a friend is abusive, it's important to cut off that friendship and help their partner get out as soon as possible. If you think they're open to change - seeking counseling and professional intervention for the abuser is also an option.

Sadly, a lot of people still don't want to call abuse by its first name, and will make excuses for friends and family members that ultimately enable them to hurt others. This dynamic is made worse in male friend groups that prioritize a "bro code" over transparency and challenging one another.

In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a guy asked if he was wrong for going behind his friend's back to urge his girlfriend to leave.

AITA for breaking bro code and having a hand in the end of my friend’s relationship?

My close friend and I are dating 2 girls that are also close friends.

OP shared that his girlfriend is close with his close friend's girlfriend, and while OP values his friendship, he's noted that his friend is extremely toxic in romantic relationships.

When it comes to relationships, my friend is a psycho. He made her delete every guy off of her Snapchat, he has her location and her instagram log in and her Snapchat log in. He has 0 trust for her, cusses her out all the time, she can’t do anything without asking his approval first not even going out with her parents, he doesn’t even let her wear shorts outside. She has to filter everything she says because he takes everything the wrong way and cusses her out. She’s been very patient for the past 6 months they were dating, but the entire 6 months they fought a lot every single day.

OP's girlfriend has told him the ins and outs of the relationship, and it's clear that his friend is controlling and emotionally abusive.

Of course, I knew about everything because my girl would tell me and my friend would tell me. I’m also friends with my girls close friend too and I care about her.

Basically, her life is hell and she has to censor everything she says and has anxiety 99% of the time because he cusses her out if she doesn’t answer his call right away or doesn’t respond to his text within 2 minutes.

Recently, OP's girlfriend asked him to share advice with his friend's girlfriend, since she was struggling to know whether to end things.

I felt really bad so I had a talk with her and my girl (they came to me for advice I didn’t insert myself) and basically I told her that he’s not going to change and if she can’t handle this for the next 6 months and the 6 months after that, then she should break up with him.

OP told her that he doubted his friend would change, and that she should get out now for her own good. She took his advice and ended things, but now he wonders if it was wrong to go behind his friend's back.

And that same night after talking to me, she did break up with him. I feel like sh*t but I’m happy for her because that relationship was ruining this girl and my friend too he would get really crazy. I just feel bad for helping cause him pain. AITA for breaking bro code?

Honeyedtoastt thinks there was nothing wrong with OP's relationship advice, but thinks he needs to cut off his "friend" completely.

NTA for getting her out of this relationship but definitely an asshole for being friends with this abusive piece of wet garbage.

anarmchairexpert thinks OP needs to call his friend's behavior what it is: abusive.

Your "close friend" is abusive. He's actively dangerous to women. Why are you friends with someone like that?

TerribleEyesight thinks everyone in this situation sucks except for the woman who left OP's friend. It's obvious OP's friend is abusive and there is no excuse to remain friends with him.

ESH, except your friend's ex. ETA: but not because you "broke bro code."

Hear me out: *You know he is abusive.

*Your girlfriend seems to know he's abusive (she's less of an AH than you, because she came to you to help her friend).

*He is abusive.

Why are the 3 of you still associating with such a bad person? He is a walking red flag. Dump him out of your life and make better friends, seriously.

CrouchingDomo thinks OP is a jerk for not dumping his friendship with an abuser long ago.

YTA, but only halfway. A demi-a*shole, if you will. Because you need to drop this guy like a hot brick.

You talk about his abusive language, controlling behavior and all-around sh*ttiness as though it were an incontrovertible fact of nature rather than the chosen actions of a human individual with, I presume, a functioning brain.

I don’t know how old y’all are, or how long you’ve been friends with this bloke, but there’s no reason to think he’s going to change anytime soon. Unless you’re prepared to spend the next six months talking girls out of relationships with him, and the next six months after that, and the next six months after that, you need to see the light and walk away from him, or you might find yourself one day talking to him through the plexiglass in the visitors’ room at a prison. And I don’t think I have to tell you why. Don’t wait for that day.

I’m glad you helped your girlfriend’s friend; good on you. But if you stay friends with this a*shole, that makes you an a*shole too. He sounds utterly worthless, and eventually, you are the company you keep.

BlondeAmbition123 doesn't think OP is TA yet, but does think he needs to seriously confront his friend's behavior, and ditch the friendship so as to stop enabling an abuser.

NTA: your “bro” is abusive. Period. And you should do more than just tell her to leave. Keep in mind that abusive people can be the most violent when their partner leaves. In a public, safe place—you could explain to your friend that his behavior is unacceptable. He needs to seek professional help.

whymiheretho thinks OP is TA for staying friends with that guy for this long.

YTA for being friends with this man and thereby tacitly condoning the abuse you KNOW FOR A FACT he perpetrates against women. Good job encouraging her to break things off, for real, but do better with your friendships.

While it's clear that OP wasn't in the wrong for going behind his friend's back to help end the relationship, his lack of action before now feels far more indicting than breaking bro code.


19 teachers share stories of their worst parent-teacher conferences.

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I've said it before and I'll say it again: teachers are not paid NEARLY enough. Not only are they tasked with educating and disciplining children, but they have to deal with parents. And, oftentimes, parents behave even worse than their kids. Which is why parent-teacher conferences often pose some of the biggest challenges for teachers. And unfortunately, teachers can't give parents detention for their behavior, no matter how much they might deserve it.

Someone asked teachers of Reddit: "what was the worst conference you ever had with a parent?" These 19 teachers share their parent-teacher conference horror stories:

1.) From youmaynotrememberme:

Had a parent teacher conference end with the parent yelling that she would "lift [her] leg like a dog and piss all over [the math teacher]."

2.) From summerfest2009:

When I was student teaching I sat in on conferences with my cooperating teacher. One girl showed up to the conferences dressed up nicer than I've ever seen her at school, sat up straight, and was smiling from ear to ear.

It was really awkward when the main teacher told her parents she was reading below grade level, failing math, and had not passed a spelling test this quarter. Had the confidence and presence of a valedictorian, though.

3.) From Shostakovich22:

My wife is an elementary school teacher and suspected that one of her students may be autistic. The kid wouldn't communicate well at all, had issues with using the bathroom, and showed other classic signs of autism. My wife had a conference with the mother and explained that she would like him to be evaluated, but the mother refused and said that if her son did have autism, my wife was the one who caused it.

My wife has learned to handle those situations much differently now. Being accused of causing autism will do that.

4.) From Pizzaisthebestfood:

Had a conference with a parent about their child's performance. Mom kept asking me if I thought there was something wrong with her daughter (first grade). I explained that she was capable but needed to do the homework that was sent home and could use some extra practice in a few areas. She continued to ask if I thought something was wrong with her. I continued to say no. At the end of the conference she asked one more time, and added 'because if you think there is, the Dr is ready to give her meds....you just need to fill out this form'.

5.) ​​​​​​From njk_87:

A student was reading way behind grade level, but mom thought he was gifted. Myself and a reading specialist brought a on grade level reading passage to the conference and had the student read it. He made 77 errors in a 130 word passage. Mom looked at us and said "see I told you he could read."

6.) From infinitivephrase:

A decade ago, I had an 8th grade student who was in all remedial classes. Her life's ambition at the time was to be like the girls on Jersey Shore and to have a part on a reality show. I didn't have her for any academic classes, only a less than 30 minute homeroom. One day I called her mother to try to get a form signed and returned, and I let her mother know that she had been in trouble in homeroom for some very loud, very sexually explicit talk that she wouldn't stop after being repeatedly warned.

The mother went berserk. She demanded to know exactly what her daughter had said, and I was ready with some quotes. That morning the kid had been going on and on about "a super big dildo." The mother demanded a conference immediately, so I let the team leader know, and he scheduled one.

The teachers who had the kid for academic classes were astounded. They had been trying to get the parent to come in or at least respond to anything all year, to no avail. The parent, before the conference, attempted to call me multiple times daily, leaving furious, accusatory messages about all the terrible "lies" I was telling, and that her daughter knew NOTHING about sex and had no idea what a dildo even was, and that I was a sick person.

The day of the conference arrives and the parent shows up red-faced and fairly vibrating with anger. The academic teachers start to speak to her about her child disrupting their classes, never completing assignments, etc, and she cuts them off. She announces that her child has some shocking news to disclose about me.

I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant at this time. The child lifts her head and, with tears in her eyes, says that I had traumatized her, because I said that I hated my baby and wished I could just get rid of it, and that she couldn't even look at me without wanting to cry, because of how awful I was.

It was like a crazy scripted reveal moment from one of the reality shows the girl was obsessed with. It was utterly surreal.

I cut her off. I told her that it was laughably transparent that she was trying to take the heat off of herself by making outrageous and irrelevant accusations, and that I was disgusted that her mother would fall for something so ridiculous. Then I told the parent to pipe down and listen to the academic teachers because her kid wouldn't make it out of 8th grade if something didn't change. I had the girl put into another homeroom on the spot, got my enormous self upright, and waddled the f*ck out.

7.) From brokentelescope:

I was a first year teacher and I have a very young face. When I go out with my sister (5 years younger), I get carded and she doesn't. When you look like your students, you have to do whatever you can to maintain your position of authority in the class until you get well established in the school, so I try to dress in a very formal way to set myself apart from the students. When I went into my first parent-teacher conference, I was wearing a sweater that had a kind of fastener on the sleeves, and I had accidentally twisted it before I buttoned it. Not all that noticeable, but the mom I was conferencing with saw it. Before I could stop her, there was a rush of mothering and a "Oh here honey, let me fix that..." She had my sleeve unbuttoned and rebuttoned correctly before I could even back up. Her kid was behind her with his head in his hands (he was super embarrassed), and I looked like a little kid whose mom had to help her get dressed. Not my finest hour, but actually a pretty funny one looking back on it!

8.) ​​​​​​​From aptadnauseum:

I have one for this! I'm a seventh and eighth grade teacher in Philadelphia. This young man's mom had gotten him identified as "gifted" - when I taught him, he was failing multiple classes, refused to do any work, slept through classes, and took no responsibility. She came in to conference (all the teachers are in the same room and parents circulate), ignored everyone except for two of us, interrupted an ongoing conference the math teacher was having to berate him for being a race-traitor and bringing down her son out of ignorance, came over to me (I'm the English teacher) and when I stood up and extended my hand, she just looked at it. She then looked me in the eye and told me "No. You're not even worth it." She turned around and started out of the room, cursing the staff to no one in particular. The Spanish teacher tried to talk to her and got cursed out, so the Spanish teacher called security to have her escorted out of the building. The mom then tried to use evasive maneuvers to avoid security, but was eventually caught and escoted out, told she was no longer welcome on our premises. She tried to sneak in to the next conference, but was caught.

Follow-up story: This was her middle child, her oldest had already graduated from the school (K-8), and her youngest was in 3rd grade. When the youngest was in 5th grade, they went on a trip to Canada, and she followed - against direct instruction from administration - in her own car, showed up at the place they were having dinner (where there wasn't a seat for her, so she sat at her own table and ordered something for herself). She then tried to stay at the hotel where the kids were staying, and when there wasn't an extra room, tried to go in where her kid was. When that (obviously) didn't work out to her expectations, she took her kid and drove back home that night...

So, yeah, she sucked.

9.) From lilweej966:

My mom is a teacher and told me about her worst parent teacher conference. There was a kid who had developed major behavior problems, so she called the parents in for a conference. Only the mother showed up to the conference, which isn't all that uncommon. The mother apparently reeked of alcohol and cigarettes, and came in dressed in ratty old jeans and a top exposing her midriff. My mom sits the mother down and asks her if she was aware that the child hadn't been doing his homework, and had been to the principal's office about 4 times in the past month for harassing other students. The mother of the student goes "Yeah, I'm not too surprised by that. His dad walked out on us a while ago and they just found him in Florida." My mom, being an understanding lady, says she's sorry the father did that, and offers a list of resources: attorneys so she can sue for child support, women's shelter's, food banks, and so on. The other mother laughed and said "Oh no, we won't need any of that. They only found his arm, the rest was fed to the gators." My mom sat there in horror as the mother elaborated: Apparently the father owed a few people some money, and had no intention of paying them back. So the people found him, and fed him to the gators. The only reason they knew the arm was his, is because his fingerprints were in the system for several domestic violence charges. She instructed my mother not to tell the student how the father died: as far as he knew, his dad died in an accident. Not a homicide.

The kid ended up alright in the end, he went on to graduate and get a job. To my mother's knowledge, he never found out the truth about his dad. But I really can't judge him for acting out in grade school.

TLDR: A kid started acting up in school, and it turns out it was because his dad walked out on the family and was then fed alive to alligators.

10.) ​​​​​​​From brokentelescope:

I had a meeting with a student who was failing 10th grade English and her dad. He marches into my classroom and says "I don't like my student's grade. What can you do to make this right?"

Dude. This isn't a restaurant. I'm not going to comp your grade because you threw a fit. If your kid hasn't done her work or come to a single tutoring session, that's not my fault.

11.) ​​​​​​​From emenenop:

I had a parent get mad at me because I failed her student on a project. She called a meeting with me and an assistant principal. We both tried in vain to explain that the project wasn't even due yet, that her child was right on track in terms of being prepared to turn everything in on time, and that her daughter was doing just fine.

She then tried to complain that I was failing her daughter because her daughter thought I was mean and wouldn't come to morning tutorials because she was afraid of me. I told her it was impossible for me to fail her daughter for not coming to tutorials since they are in no way tied to grades, and furthermore, her daughter was not failing my class. (She was making a low B, which is perfectly acceptable in a more rigorous pre-AP class.)

Most irrational person I ever met. She insisted on having her daughter transferred from my class.

12.) From SalemScout:

I had to call in a dad of one of my high school girls after she got sassy with me, refused to do any work and was failing.

He spent the entire conference with his phone in front of his face. He took a phone call while I was talking to him and he got my name wrong several times. The girl was a little bitch but suddenly it all made sense.

13.) ​​​​​​​From Semioth:

In my second year of teaching theatre for a middle school, I had a parent demand a conference with myself and our principal. She expressed that her son could no longer be in my theatre class because "all that stuff makes you gay." Which, for her, would be the absolute worse thing that could happen.

It was my first slap in the face that no matter what work you put in, that in the end of the day the parents will push and pull their kids in life for better or worse. Our principal was outraged by the parents comments but held the parents decision with respect because really there's nothing we could do. Since this experience, I've planted the idea that the only obstacle that will prevent you from greatness is yourself, not your friends, family, teachers, etc.

Ironically, the student joined the class because of the ratio of female to male students, that set roughly 10:1. Thus, parents if you have any concerns with your children about anything, talk to them before making assumptions. Perspective matters.

14.) From TeacherThrowaway1983:

I was working in a kindergarten classroom, and a father had approached me and asked me if I let his son play in the kitchen center. I replied with something along the lines of, "yes, we allow each of the children to freely explore what interests them" and explained why, but dad was unhappy about it. He immediately asked me to stop this, as allowing his boy to pretend like he's cooking will make him gay.

15.) ​​​​​​​From Back2Bach:

The worst was when a mother of student in our music department threatened to yank her daughter out of the school if she wasn't given a solo ("O Holy Night") in the Christmas concert.

I explained that not only did her daughter not have the skills or voice required for the part, but that she had also made it clear she didn't want to do it - that it was entirely her mother's attempt to "turn her into a star."

16.) ​​​​​​​From dinosaregaylikeme:

I had a parent claim I was hetrophobic and making his student fail because he was straight and I was gay. The same parent offer to pay me to get the student grade up. The same parent tried to tell me their child is just creative and expressive and classroom walls is a prison for his young mind.

The same parent is hated by the rest of my coworkers.

17.) ​​​​​​​From Luder714:

A teacher friend had a girl plagiarize a large section of a 5 page report for class. The best part is that she allowed five other people to copy and paste her report, word for word. They only changed the names.

Not only did each parent insist that their child was the original writer of the paper, they tried to ignore the obvious plagerism and tried to take it up with the principal. Principal basically said, "your kids are idiots and get zero's.

These were all "gifted" students. One was the child of a counselor in the school, another a child of a teacher, and another the child of a principal.

18.) From CupcakesAreTasty:

I'm a high school history teacher. One of my courses was Comparative Religions and Philosophies. I essentially taught every major world religion and political ideology.

I'm an open atheist but I teach the course with objectivity and I teach with respect because I have students across all religious backgrounds. I never insult, condemn, or offend, and I encourage my students to keep an open mind as well.

I had a parent contact me for a conference about three weeks into the first term. Her son was a freshman. His freshmen U.S. I class immediately followed my senior level religions course. One day when he was coming into class, he overheard me discussing the three Abrahamic prophets (Moses, Jesus, Abraham) with a senior.

Apparently he went home and told his mother I called Abraham a prophet. They're evangelical Christians. This apparently infuriated her enough that she had to call me to arrange a meeting asap.

She came into the meeting and immediately started insulting me, questioning my intelligence/training/qualifications (I have multiple degrees, so naw girl), and (hilariously) calling me a heretic for suggesting Abraham and Moses were in the same category as Jesus. I called the principal into the conference as a witness to both the lesson itself (I was being observed) and as a witness to the meeting.

She railed into him, too, asking how he could possibly think it was alright to allow me to teach such anti-Jesus heresy in his school.

His response?

"Well, I'm Jewish, so there's that."

It took everything in me not to piss myself from laughing.

I never had a problem with her again.

19.) From reddideridoo:

Dad and son (around 15) where at a parent teacher meeting, discussing the son's recent actions. Mother was away on business trip and couldn't attend. At first, the dad was asked to share his side of the story, considering his son's behavior. He described him as a normal boy, disciplined, nice and such things. He didn't mention anything related to school, which was odd.

Then, the teacher began to tell the story of recent outbreaks, violent behavior, etc. At first, the dad was pretty composed and could contain his facial emotions. A few minutes further along the meeting, he got visibly distressed. Then suddenly, with the nicest voice anyone could image, he interrupted the meeting, telling the teacher he respects her as a professional and believes every word she had said, also promises it won't happen again. He took his son, said goodbye, left and silently closed the door.

What then followed could only be described as the most verbal, semi-loud shitstorm one could imagine. But without any swear words, slur or profanity. He literally took the boy to town, with a lot of very firm sentences. Not one time was violence or threats mentioned.

Come next school day, the boy was completely turned around.

20 people share the dark secrets they learned about a loved one without them realizing it.

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While it sounds juicy, stumbling upon the dark secret of a close friend or family member puts you in an uncomfortable position all around, and can lead to a lot of anxiety.

When secrets are dark and life-altering (or even just supremely embarrassing), it can mess up a relationship to tell someone you discovered what they've been hiding. On the other hand, carrying secret knowledge of a loved one's life can feel like a betrayal in its own way.

In a popular Reddit thread, people anonymously shared the dark secrets of loved ones they've accidentally discovered, and whether they ever plan to confront them.

1. From FFF12321:

My roommate freshman year in college was a forever alone type - always tried but things never seemed to work out. One day, I'm chilling on my computer and start getting hungry, so I asked him if he wanted to go get food. He replied "no, guess why?" I guessed he had already eaten, but he surprised me by saying that he had a date with this hot chick from a class of his. So I congratulate him and ask him about her - he describes her as that ideal blonde, big boobs, perky nice sexy girl next door.

So I go get dinner and give him some space. I take my books and laptop and go study for a few hours at the library. I text him to ask if it's ok for me to come back to the room (it was getting late). He said yeah. Date turned out not so good though.

After him buying dinner and ice cream, she drops the bomb that she's actually a lesbian and apparently thought it was just a friend type thing. He wasn't very happy about it, but he didn't really want to talk about it so I let it go and went to bed.

Around 4 am, I wake up, which is odd cause I'm usually a deep sleeper. I roll over and hear this kind of thudding noise. I glance over without getting up and there I see my hefty roommate humping rather vigorously the dresser - seriously, no pants on, just banging the dresser. I immediately rolled over and pretended to be asleep...I didn't get to sleep before he finished though ಠ_ಠ

TL;DR: Forever alone roommate has a bad date, finds out she's a lesbian, bangs dresser.

3. From sarahbear121:

The receptionist at my work is screwing my boss. She doesn't do anything required for her job and essentially has a free ride.

The other day while aimlessly wandering Facebook, I came across her husband's profile (through a friend of a friend). She has never come to work with a ring on her finger. She has only alluded that she has a casual boyfriend. She took three weeks of vacation last summer and said she was going to Hawaii with her mom. Turns out that was when she got married and had her honeymoon.

4. From ftlthrowaway:

A girl I went to high school with got drunk and let slip to me that she had been having sex with dogs since she was 13. Later as adult I alluded to this in a conversation and it was clear she had no idea that I knew this.

We're still pretty close and see each other on a regular basis and most the time I never think about it. Every now and then we'll be talking and it will pop into my head.

If she ever knew that I knew I'm not sure she'd be able to face me again.

5. From wakestrap:

A friend of my roommate at the time was this cute girl we'll call Mel. Mel and my roomie (female) were heading out on a Thursday to have some drinks with friends with the intention of returning to our apartment at the end of the night to crash. Mel had a bit of a crush on me and before she left she told me she was sleeping in my bed that night and I didn't have a say in the matter. Fine by me, I thought, I was single and she was cute.

Fast forward to 3am. I wake up to my roomie asking for help getting Mel upstairs, our apartment was on the second floor. So I get out of bed, look over the railing and see this girl absolutely out-f*cking-cold at the bottom of the stairs. Well, looks like I'm not getting any tonight, I then carry this girl upstairs to the living room where she gets tucked into the couch and I head back to bed.

I awake the next morning and head to the kitchen for breakfast before work. As soon as I walked into the kitchen the smell hit me. I immediately started looking around, it didn't take long to find the source. There, in the middle of the kitchen, is one of the kitchen chairs and on the floor in front of it is a cupcake tray. Sitting on top of the tray is a steaming nightmarish pile of beer and shooter induced fecal slurry that would have made a grizzly bear proud. I sh*t you not, it was one of the biggest single piles I've ever seen and the kicker was that it belonged to a lady. A dainty, petite lady that at some point in the night had wandered into the kitchen, and had the where-with-all to put a cupcake tray on the floor before pulling out a chair to brace herself with(there was some sh*t on the chair too) so she could comfortably sh*t on the tray.

That's when I just walked away. I didn't see much of her after that but my roomie who worked with her said it's obvious that she has no clue she did it. She was black out drunk so I'm not surprised. I guess the couple people that did know started calling her cupcake which she thinks is a cute nickname.

6. From randompostingguy:

I have two sisters. Mom died more than 20 years ago. A few years back my father was going in for a high risk surgery. The night before he went in he told my oldest sister that he wasn't really her dad. It turns out that before they got married my mom and dad broke up briefly and my mom hooked up with some guy, getting pregnant in the process.

She told my father and the two ended up eloping. For whatever reason they never told my sister and my father promised to keep the secret before my mom passed. After telling my sister, my father asked her to not tell anyone else. She's talked to her husband, myself and my second sister about it. My dad has no idea we know.

He also has no idea how much I respect him for raising another man's child and always loving her like the daughter she was.

7. From cyberwin:

I know that my dad is a sex worker and runs his "business" out of his home.

8. From GetHisWallet:

We have an alpha male here who makes fun of me for not caring if I have gay friends. "Fags" this and "homos" that, and that I'm probably "treading the dark line" by hanging out with them.

He has no clue that one of my friends has spotted him several times at the local hookup spot. I'm holding that bomb in reserve.

9. From scrawny:

-- DAVID --

I know you are browsing Reddit and porn links at the office, the window behind you reflects everything!

Think about that next time you walk around the office and b*tch at people for using Gmail or taking excessive coffee breaks.

10. From hybridpunk:

My mother would probably freak out if she found out that I knew that she was pregnant with me before meeting (who I have known my whole life as) my father. I've been trying to figure out some way to ask her who my real father is, but keep coming up blank.

Edit: In hindsight, using the term real father was probably bad, I originally typed blood father, but it looked and sounded odd, using the term biological father never crossed my mind. I understand that my father that raised me is my real father, he passed away in 2008 from cancer.

Further clarification: First off, I'm 25. How I found out about this was in casual conversation with my older brother and his mom (dads ex wife). We got to talking about how my older brother was athletic and I was smart, how we are opposite ends of the spectrum from each other, and she made a comment in passing about how my mother was pregnant with me before she met my dad. My little sister and I look alike, nothing like our dad. Our little brother looks like our dad though.

What confirmed it was shortly before he passed away, he confessed to my sister that we weren't his. She chalked it up to the drugs talking, when I found out about the confession two years later, my older brother and I got to talking and we pulled a copy of my birth certificate (him and his wife had custody of me when I was 15-18, another story entirely). The father section on my birth certificate was blank.

Now for asking my mother, that isn't really an option, my mom has been a liar and a conniver my whole life, it took me 10 years of investigating and showing her the proof to her face for her to confess that my grandfather (her father) was really her step father and not her biological father. She basically ditched the family 3 years ago to move to Indiana without telling anyone, and in my research, I found that her biological father lived in Indiana as well. So asking my mother without anything other than what has been said will prove futile. She'd rather tell 100 complex lies than one simple truth.

11. From cosmickramer:

My friend took some pretty gross up-crotch shots of herself on her photo booth. I don't know if it was for something medical or something, because they sure as hell were not sexy.

Also, it was super awkward because I was on her computer and she was behind me, because we were looking for something on the computer together. I tried really hard to "not notice" the pictures and I kept trying to close the program without her seeing that I saw it. I was embarrassed for her.

12. From Th3_Fool:

I work at a fairly small company in the city. There's one particular coworker of mine, a fairly hot Asian woman. We recently found a video that was posted on a website of a sexual nature. In the video, she gets tied up and has a ball gag placed into her mouth.

I can't look her in the face without seeing a mental image of a ball gag.

13. From BreeMPLS:

I am aware that someone I know had a child who died. I do not know the circumstances, but I do know he spent time in prison because of it. It's not common knowledge, obviously.

14. From rhubarbcrumble:

I have a friend at work who I'm pretty close to (let's call him Paul), and he tells me most things. However people from another department, unbeknownst to him, know his flatmate through a mutual friend. These guys told me that Paul pulled some Greek girl one night and went back to hers.

He turns up back at their flat the next morning with what his flatmates called 'a haunted look' and they asked him what was wrong. Turned out she was a huge fan of BDSM, and put him on a dog leash and then proceeded to do him up the arse with a dildo (I later discovered this was one of three she had on display - the medium sized one).

I found this out about a year and a half ago, and didn't tell him as I'd been sworn to secrecy. However, a few months ago I alluded to it and he said 'How did you know about that?'. I managed to convince him he'd told me ages ago - I couldn't let him know that most of the office knows he was done up the arse by some random BDSM fan whilst on a leash.

15. From qtprot:

Friend who always boasts about the ladies he gets has a text doc of the best gay porn stars (ranked from 1-100) on his desktop, also a mod on a gay forum.

16. From vigilante_friends:

In high school there wasn't many girls in our group and this one girl dated a lot of the guys but stayed cool with everyone. I don't really know what happened to her exactly but I know one guy that wasn't really part of our group got her alone and kicked her a*s. Like, hospital bad but she didn't want to turn the guy in for some reason.

Anyways, the dark secret part is that two of her exes and two other guys went decided if she wasn't going to turn him in they would take care of it. One of those guys got f*cking WASTED at my house and told me they castrated the guy and dumped him at a hospital. I got the same story from one of the other guys too. F*cking crazy.

TL;DR: My friends castrated a guy like 15 years ago.

17. From metwork:

I know a guy from college who drove an M3, wore expensive sh*t, and always bought drinks and paid for sh*t. Told everyone he made his money off calls/puts on eTrade, and "hustled" on the side. I think he watched Boiler Room or read Wolf of Wall St. one too many times, and thought he could just pretend he was some market wizard (who was a GENERAL BUSINESS MAJOR, lol.)

I worked with a friend of his dad, who told me that daddy paid for EVERYTHING via card, cash handouts, paid his bills every month, and that this kid didn't do sh*t.

At least I got a few free drinks.

18. From Very_High_Templar:

I know the names of the three people my dad killed when he was younger.

19. From KlimtogWasTaken:

This is more hilarious than dark:

My boss's son had taken the work camera and hadn't given it back for about a year. My boss finds it, brings it in, and tells me to take some pictures of stuff to put on eBay/Craigslist. I turn the camera on and it's asking for the date and stuff, so I enter it in, and it loads up the first picture taken: My boss's son's penis. One of my co-workers is standing nearby, looks at it, and says "Well, isn't that lovely."

My boss walks out of his office and asks what's going on. My co-worker takes the camera and shows it to him while laughing. My boss takes the camera and starts cycling through. Dozens of pictures of my boss's son, naked, and at least half of them involve him shoving dildos up his ass.

My boss takes the camera over to his wife and says, "Wanna see what your son's been doing with the camera?"

She starts yelling and screaming about how that's disgusting and why did he let us look at that, and he's just saying "How the hell was I supposed to know these were on here!"

I've never been able to look at his son the same way again.

20.

The year was 1996, I was 16, got on IRC, and fell for a girl I met. A very convincing girl, who was very cagey about her identity, but swore me to secrecy that her name was "Tina Yothers" (no, but let's say it was). Yes, we got frisky online. She was supposedly from Montreal, but just happened not to be there whenever I visited.

I got suspicious, and she disappeared for the most part. I was crushed, all the same. She would email from time to time with updates on her life, and sometimes pop up on IRC, and we'd still talk. I moved on. This continued until 2010.

Except I didn't buy it. In 2000 I found out about the SMTP EXPN command, which basically made her ISP's mail server spew out the name associated with the email address, and it was nothing like what she had told me. It was a guy's name - let's say "Joe Stamos." She said it was her dad's accountant, and he handled all the billing. I was still suspicious, but it wasn't enough proof. The email address was very unique - all references to the username part were either a female born in 1980, or a guy with this guy's name. Both would use the same weird punctuation and smilies.

In 2006, she sent me a photo of her and her family. In the EXIF data was a hidden tag, mentioning two names - let's say "Michelle/Tom".

In 2009, I searched the guy's name from the EXPN earlier, and found an obituary listing him as a son-in-law, along with all his wife's family.

Through 2010, I tracked them all down through Facebook and other sources, and all of their children, and grandchildren. I built up a family tree for the entire family, including blanks where I had found references to children, but no records of names. I also found an article written on a fantasy basketball forum, in the style of a newspaper article, with "Joe Stamos" as the username, and "Tina McYothers" as the byline on the fake article.

Then a month or so ago two of the family members on Facebook became friends with someone named "Michelle", and I'll be damned if it wasn't the same girl I'd got photos of all those years ago. After 13 years of searching, I'd found our her real name, and it was the guy's niece.

There was lots of other correlations that fell into place after that - a photo she'd given of them outside a house, and street view confirms it was her parents place in Colorado, the "Michelle/Tom" in EXIF and she was married to a guy named Tom. I also found out that she had been on the Martha Stewart show a few times (if only I watched), and featured in an episode of a Discovery Channel show.

From that I matched to a photo I got years ago taken at the same angle, and they're dead on. I also found an account on photobucket, with the username of "jms" ("Joe M Stamos") with photos and her and him and the entire family from a Christmas party in 2007, I found a website with apologies from she and "Tom" for not being able to make another family member's wedding in 2009 too.

tl;dr: I know a 68 year old guy who used to talk dirty with underage boys on IRC and pretend to be his niece, and I know her email address. I think the appropriate response to that if outed would be to kill yourself

Woman asks if she was wrong to snap at fiancé's aunt for criticizing her armpit hair.

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Family relationships are complicated enough when we're not in quarantine...

If you have an unconventional career you might face a certain amount of judgment from those closest to you. While sometimes people think they're helping you by inflicting their opinions and lifestyle choices onto you and your path, hateful comments should never be tolerated.

While we're in quarantine, we can't brush off a spat with our partner's family by going out with friends and venting (unless it's on Zoom) which has made Reddit's moral compass: "Am I the As*hole?" an even more valuable resource. When an adult performer specializing in fetishes had a moral dilemma about her behavior toward her partner's aunt, people were definitely ready to chime in with their advice.

AITA for telling my fiance's aunt - and a good portion of his family - that I waxed my armpits for porn?

I'm an adult performer who found her niche in fetish productions due to my 'natural body hair' - I stopped shaving quite a number of years ago because I'm prone to really gross looking razor burn and suddenly, my 'career' took off. I make a decent living doing mostly solo work, more than enough to live on and build up a savings.

I'm open about my body hair but not my 'career', so I tend to just tell people that it's a societal statement or something similar. My fiance's family all knows that I'm pretty proud of my body hair. I don't think it detracts from my looks or femininity at all.

Recently, though, I was hired to do a "bimbofication" series that paid very well, and they paid me extra on top of the usual base salary to completely remove all of my body hair on camera. They sent a whole damn waxing setup and I made the videos and I got paid.

I posted a couple of selfies with my arms in the air to Facebook with the caption of, "look what I did! Quarantine boredom is getting to me!" and didn't think much of it until Sunday, during a Zoom call with my fiance's aunt and a couple of female cousins for some wedding flowers I was bullied into getting from the aunt because she's a florist.

The aunt brought up my body hair transformation immediately and was like, 'oh, I bet you did it for the wedding!'

I tried to deflect and say it was really just quarantine boredom, but she kept on keeping on.

"Oh, you probably feel more feminine! I bet you feel prettier! Don't you smell better? You want to keep it gone forever now, don't you? Welcome to the ranks of real women!"

I deflected no less than a dozen ridiculous statements from the aunt tying together my femininity with bald armpits, and I finally snapped and said, 'no, you're right, I didn't do it because I was bored, I did it for porn that your NEPHEW recorded and I'll do it again once the sh*t grows back.'

Then I hung up the call. My fiance isn't terribly pissed, but he's getting calls to end the wedding from his extended family. He's mostly annoyed that his phone hasn't stopped ringing since yesterday afternoon. Thankfully, his parents aren't interested in this drama, probably because we're the picture of a mundane family. Overlooking this detail, obv.

The aunt is no longer doing the flowers which is an unnecessary bill I don't have to pay, but I'm wondering.

AITA for telling my fiance's aunt that I waxed my armpits for spank bank material?

She later edited the post with some more information:

Edit: since people are asking.

  • I went to college for library sciences. Now I'm in porn. Sometimes, that's life, folks.

  • I have a part time job as a writer for a super small local magazine, and that's where we told people my income was generated. We have gotten lots of skepticism from that explanation, though, mostly because it's pretty unbelievable. The magazine is a nonprofit. Honestly, everyone had to know that we generate income elsewhere, they just didn't know where.

Edit edit: screw all of the folks saying I'm a bad mother or you feel sorry for my kids. I hope the mods ban you or whatever. Definitely not in the vein of this subreddit.

Luckily, people were there to help her by doing what the internet loves the most: expressing opinions.

Some people were on her side:

NTA (Not the As*hole) How you make a perfectly legal living only has to be kept private if you want it to be. If you didn’t want to out yourself the other option would have been to agree that hair is far too masculine and declare you are going to shave your head to achieve pure femininity. - NotZombieJustGinger

what kind of person says

Welcome to the ranks of real women!

NTA (Not the As*hole) - Os1n2o3w4y5

If I had been drinking something at the "I did it for porn that your NEPHEW recorded and I'll do it again once the shit grows back" part, it would have been all over my screen right now. Fantastic actually. I mean, it probably wasn't the most reasonable way to handle that, BUT the aunt sounds just awful. Who says those things?? "I bet you feel prettier! Don't you smell better?" SMELL better? You think body hair has to do with scent??

Anyways, I digress. I honestly think the response was somewhat reasonable. She should have left it alone as it wasn't even her business to begin with let alone talk about like that. - iShipwreck

'no, you're right, I didn't do it because I was bored, I did it for porn that your NEPHEW recorded and I'll do it again once the shit grows back.' Look, we all have that aunt/uncle/relative/friend. We all WANT to say something like this but at the end of the day it is totally counterproductive because now you look like the as*hole. Now you've given your aunt ammo and you didn't need to do that. You know you can be the bigger person and you know she's rude/inconsiderate/sexist in her believes.... just take the high road. - Business-Depth

I was under the impression that all women are real women

"Welcome to the ranks of real women!"

WTF does that even mean? Were you an imaginary character till yesterday? - TheDrewscriver

you killed 2 birds with one stone, shut her up and got off from buying the flowers from her. I hope you have a beautiful wedding - romidwife

While others thought both parties were at fault here...

I don’t blame OP for going off on the aunt but I feel if OP had gone more down the path of attacking the aunt for the ideas of body hair and femininity would have been more productive. Saying she did it for porn is going kick the beehive and I’d imagine a massive sh*tstorm is brewing. - theHoopster

you both need to grow up and act like adults.- tappytaps

is it really so hard to say, "I'm getting tired of your comments on my body, so I'm hanging up now." - cyanidelemonade

And some thought she was in the wrong entirely...

She pressed you and was irritating but obviously you could’ve kept it to yourself until you consulted your fiancé. - woahthatsme20

They were a-holes too, but it was thoughtless and self-indulgent for you to flame her like that if your fiancé' wasn't up for that personal disclosure. - HebrewJohnson

it's incredible that for someone so confident about yourself, you manage to get so bothered about what an older aunt has to think. Is it that surprising that people from her generation associate feminity with that? I don't agree with her, but your reality is not hers. You had a choice to be the bigger person. - NewGuyCH

So, there you have it! Lots of mixed opinions on whether or not she did the right thing, but the general consensus is that the aunt was definitely wrong to pass judgement tying her worth as a woman to whether or not her armpits were hairy. While she shouldn't have snapped and put her partner's relationship with his aunt in jeopardy, sometimes you have to to defend yourself.

18 people share the times they realized they'd passed a 'point of no return.'

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In life, there are certain things that can't be undone. You can't un-jump out of a plane. You can't get any younger after getting older. Odds are that if you say "just kidding!" after professing your love to your crush, they won't believe that you were pranking them.

People opened up about these indelible moments when a Reddit thread asked,"What was your biggest 'sh*t, no going back now' moment?"

Once you've read it...you can't un-read it.

1. From Golden-Jedi:

When I asked my crush if she is ready for a relationship with me.

The 2 hours I waited for a reply took forever!

Also sadly she said no.

2. From chis_and_whine:

The positive pregnancy test.

We were trying, but seeing the test, my first thought was honestly, "oh sh*t what have we done?"

He's now 8 months old and it is the best, but still the scariest, decision we ever made.

3. From BellatrixLenormal:

Packing up my car before telling my husband I was leaving.

4. From Amazing_Interaction:

That first time being dropped off on the Appalachian Trail several states away from home and watching the car speed off into the distance with nothing by my own legs and a stick I found to get me back. I love that stick. I'd f*ck that stick if it had genitals.

5. From cortechthrowaway:

I hopped a freight train once, and the moment it hits 15-20 mph, you're just along for the ride.

But the real "no going back" moment came when the train stopped on a siding outside Winnemucca. After waiting there for like 5 hours, I decided to walk into town and get some ice cream sandwiches. As soon as I got 50 yards from the train, I realized: if it starts rolling now, I'll be too far away to chase it down. I'll just be stuck in this town for a while.

6. From Mcfangus:

When I was younger, letting my older cousin talk me in to a canoe ride down a flooded river. We'd planned it days in advance but there was a lot of heavy rain in the area and the normally calm river was near flood level and quite rough. I really didn't want to do it but I didn't want to let him down either so I still went. I knew as soon as we saw the river this was a terrible idea. The whole thing was a shit show and I honestly though we were going to die. We had no control and at one point we got stuck nose down and a large rock, knowing if we tipped out we were drowning. We somehow made it out and to the shore where we walked back with the canoe.

7. From HorseMeatSandwich:

Getting in the ambulance after suffering a grand mal seizure from alcohol withdrawals.

When I finally said enough is enough and decided I needed to quit drinking before it killed me, I thought I could detox on my own as I was terrified of hospitals. I was wrong. I spent a week detoxing in the ICU, and now, almost a full year later, I'm still very happily sober and I'm completely thriving.

8. From Rhysd007:

Parachute jump! My life is now no longer in my hands. Oh well... Geronimo!!!

9. From I_Ace_English:

I made a budget yesterday to figure out how much I'd need to move out. If I work two more hours than planned at a starter job I've lined up, I could do it easily, with all the optional expenses.

That's when it hit me that I'm not in college anymore and I actually could have the money to live independently.

10. From ProjectSunlight:

Mountain biking with some friends on a new trail, which wasn't even a bike trail. We hiked most of the way up since it was too steep to ride up. Carried our bikes all the way up. Rested at the top for a bit and then rolled over the edge. I remember as my front tire crested and gravity started taking over I thought, "there's no way I'm stopping now, unless a tree stops me."

11. From podfather2000:

Walking into a MMA fight and the cage closes behind you.

12. From Ipride362:

“Here, try this hot wing.”

Took a bite and for the next 18 hours, I could only focus on how this was a crime against humanity.

And for those now asking, it was The Last Dab XXX on a drumstick. It was coated all over. I just ate one big bite.

And then I went and shoved my head under a cold shower. Then, it was bed and bathroom for several hours as I threw up most of it, but some got digested.

I knew going it that it was gonna be hot. My former roommate was a hot sauce aficionado. He never once handed me a wing that was less than a habanero sauce. The question was “am I about to have ghost, pepper-x, Carolina reaper, habanero, etc”.

13. From bustead:

Me taking pictures of the North Korean military. If I was caught I would be in a prison camp now.

14. From thequickandtheread:

Moving to Europe. For my husband, it was moving home. For me, yeah, nope. But I have a rare disease and American insurance was about to actually kill me (kept denying medications, I was getting worse and worse) and he managed to get an amazing job in a great city to try to save my life, so five years ago, we’re two hours into our flight there, THE flight where we’re moving forever, and I was too sick to visit first or anything so I’ve never seen it before, and I’m realizing, I’m not actually well enough to fly back to the US, who knows when I’ll see anything or anyone from again, and this is it, and...

Suddenly, I’m just a bit panicking gone. Like, “What is plane? Where is air?” The flight attendant was offering me a cup of tea at that almost exact moment and I just stared at my husband, who is a former Marine and has done all of these insane things, and he looked at me and goes, “Take. The. Tea.” I felt like an idiot version of Neo in the Matrix. “If you take the tea... the flight keeps going and you see how far this rabbit hole goes. If you don’t take the tea... this poor flight attendant stands here looking like a fucking idiot for even longer.” So anyway, I took the tea from the dude, and then I guess it worked because who can panic while trying to make tea?

Turns out it was truly the point of no return. It’s been five years. The insurance is MUCH better than the US, they’ve kept me alive when I definitely would have died, but I’m too sick to actually leave. I couldn’t even go home for my grandmother’s funeral. So... shit, there really was no going back. Unless something kicks in, new treatments etc, I doubt I’ll ever see home again.

15. From Yac_Feltburn:

I was meeting a guy on Grindr. I had pulled into the driveway and still had the chance to leave. But it was a decent lookin place so whatever i walked up to the front door. The moment i saw him in the window, well even then i coulda backed out. He opened the door and grabbed my hand, that was the moment. I couldn't go back at that moment.

Two and a half years later, I'm gonna marry this man.

16. From cpdx82:

When I found out my husband at the time was still gaming behind my back. We had an almost 1 year old and he had been acting shady. I logged onto his bank account where he had a secure credit card and saw all the transactions from the casinos.

This was the 3rd strike for me. I tried to get him help and support and he shit on my attempts every time. "I'm not a bad enough gambler to be in Gambler's Anonymous," "I just went to use the ATM and pay my phone bill," "We don't need to pay a therapist to tell us we need to talk more."

So, he asked me to bring him lunch at work. I printed off the credit card statements, handed them to him with his lunch pail and began the process of moving my things to my mom's house and looking for a place to live.

17. From m-lp-ql-m:

Wife: "Are you gay?"

Me: "Yes."

18. From ryuexeu:

I used to skydive and base jump for a living so you might think I'd say jumping off a cliff with a wingsuit and a parachute, but no, it's having kids which absolutely f*cked me up in every single possible way. Love them girls, but I hate the sperm stealing monster that made them with me, and hate every second of my joyless IT career that pays for my terrible mistake of trusting a person whom I thought was a human being. No jumping, no joy, no crazy amazing friends, just a fucking grind for the rest of eternity and sh*t, no going back now.

22 of the most embarrassing examples of humans behaving badly during the pandemic.

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This pandemic has brought out the best in a lot pfople, like nurses and doctors at the frontlines, people helping out their neighbors and loved ones, everyone obeying rules and making sacrifices to protect the elderly and immuno-compromised, and all the heroes who are ordering takeout and eating it in sweatpants on the couch to "support local businesses" (pats self on back with greasy hand).

But unfortunately, we're also witnessing some of the absolute worst sides of humanity. A lot of people's behavior during this pandemic has been so ignorant and bad, it makes me embarrassed to be human.

Here are 22 examples of the worst, dumbest, most shameful human behavior on display during COVID-19:

1.) This bride who thinks people should die for her wedding.

2.) This person who thinks lies become true if you use CAPS-LOCK.

3.) This person who thinks sick people should come to a rally to support people's right to get sick.

4.) This person who thinks Clorox wipes are unconstitutional.

5.) This person who forgot cashiers are also people who deserve to live.

6.) This person who is wearing a hazmat suit to protect themselves from a disease that does not exist.

7.) This person who is "pro-life" but also "pro-deadly virus."

8.) This person who thinks coronavirus is a conspiracy theory.

9.) This blonde woman who is famous for some reason and didn't do her research.

10.) This person thinks the word "facts" is what makes something a fact. Facts.

11.) The men who think spreading a deadly virus makes them more manly.

12.) This person who thinks someone dying of coronavirus is not "proof" enough that people die of coronavirus.

13.) This bride who is upset that the global pandemic clashes with her wedding theme.

14.) This guy who thinks wanting to survive and protect the elderly and immuno-compromised makes you a "twat."

15.) This person who thinks having to cancel a Euro-vacation equates to being a victim of the Holocaust.

16.) This person who is anti-vax but not anti-injecting disinfectant.

17.) This person who thinks these orphans need to get to work.

18.) This mom who blamed Walmart's return policy for her financial situation.

19.) These gym rats who accidentally proved they don't actually need the gym.

20.) This online dater who needs to improve their pickup lines. And also their whole existence.

21.) This person who at least has the right idea about social distancing....

22.) This mayor who thinks trimmed cuticles are literally to die for.

Damn, we really ARE the virus.

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