Sometimes finding out that your partner is cheating on you isn't as easy as catching them red-handed, sleeping with the girl next door. Picture this: they were both butt-naked, banging on the bathroom door. How could he forget that he had given you an extra key?

Real people, not subjects in a song by Shaggy, shared the unfortunate ways they discovered their (now ex-)partner's infidelity.

It's impressive how shameless cheaters can be.

1. The darkest punchline.

Said "Who'd you bang last night?" as a joke. She responded in a shocked voice "how'd you know?" And ya, that's how that 8-year relationship ended. ------sky-----

2. Good morning!

My friend walked in on him at party, f*cking some rando. She snapped a picture and BOLTED while he was chasing her. Next thing I know, I hear rapid knocking and it’s my boyfriend sobbing about what an idiot he was. Unbeknownst to him, he woke me up with his knocking and I hadn’t even checked my phone.

Broke up with him and have blocked him on every single social media. -nopedynopenadda

3. Oops.

To prove to me there was nothing going on, she told me to look through her email.

She forgot to delete her sent files. -Prize_Guest

4. Classic projection.

She suddenly, totally out of the blue, got extrmely anxious about me cheating, to the point when she always wanted to know where I was 24/7 and to whom I talk to. She always looked into my phone and read through my chat history, one day I got fed up with that and did the same. Turns out her severe anxiety issues weren't about me cheating (or so I assume), but about me finding out she cheated. - ​​​​​_monicorpse

5. But did you get coffee?

I was waiting in line in a coffee shop. My boyfriend walked in with her, saw me in line, and then walked right out. -toobroketoorderpizza

6. Hope they burned their tongue.

She's vegan and that motherf*cker ate my ham and cheese hot pockets. -Glass_Force

7. Read my lips.

He had on scented lipgloss. I don't wear lipgloss, but I do wear lipstick. He still doesn't know the difference.

Sad thing is I knew whose lipgloss it was because I bought it for her. -SensitiveArmy4

8. Congratulations, he played himself.

Lots of changed behavior and little signs. But the kicker was that he bought new underwear. We’d been together about 5 years and I always had to buy his new underwear because he couldn’t be bothered to. He must have forgot that he told me when we first started dating that he only bought new underwear when he was as seeing someone new. -samslag19

9. Ouch.

Found a random phone at my place. Checked the camera reel to figure out if I knew some of the people. Had a video of my then gf sucking off a guy with my engagement ring in her hand. -Meleetarsakh

10. At least she has the job.

My boss broke the news to me.

My then boyfriend was a co-worker of mine. We kept it a total secret from everyone in the company. Then there was this big scandal where my boss (the president) discovered he had been sleeping with/dating the VP of our organization several years back. VP was fired. I continued to date him. He was fired for unrelated reasons several months later. In his exit interview with my boss, he also admitted to currently being in a relationship with an ex-employee (different woman) whose husband he currently supervised. When I confessed to my boss several days later that I was dating this guy, she kindly broke the news of his current relationship to me and I did the ugly cry in front of my boss, our HR rep, and the new VP. Was quite the day. Still working there though! -theblackspaniel

11. Always look both ways before confessing to adultery.

My ex-husband let it slip at the bar talking to someone else, sitting right next to me, surrounded by friends, like I wasn't even there that he f*cked someone besides me at the most recent party we'd hosted. When he felt me burning holes through his brain with my eyes and saw everyone just staring, he whipped around and said, "I'm sorry; I thought you were in the bathroom." -untenable681

12. Congrats?

The pregnancy. -MoonInHisHands

13. Those were the days.

Snapchat used to have public friendship rankings. -OvaltineDeathFantasy

14. The best revenge.

His best friend came to me with a complete list of names, pictures, and copies of texts.

Then I dumped him and married the best friend. -Trawhe

15. RIP to that jerk.

Girl messaged me with screenshots of him in Tinder and also tryna get her to come over to f*ck... it’s important to note this was while I was out of town for my much loved grandfathers funeral... -madnyx

16. That's some ninja-level manipulation.

He made us fake a breakup, told me not to tell anyone. His reasoning was that his parents didn't like me and were going to take his phone if he didn't end things with me.

I went against him and told my bff that we were still secretly dating. She admitted he'd been hitting on her for weeks. -Just-That-Weird-Girl

17. The beginning of a beautiful friendship.

I thought I got cheated on when some other guy walked in when I was in bed with her and said “who the fuck is this” but it turned out he was the one being cheated on and I didn’t know she had a boyfriend. He actually drove me home and we became friends for a brief time. -Crustypete

Everyone makes mistakes, but few things are more panic-inducing than making a mistake at work. Because work mistakes can cost you your livelihood—and, depending on what you do for work, other people could suffer the consequences as well. The best case scenario for a work mistake is that the aftermath gets quickly resolved or swept under the rug before anyone finds out about it. Do you have to live the rest of your life plagued by the guilt? Yes. But at least your boss isn't mad at you!

Someone asked Reddit: "What is the biggest 'oh f*ck, I'm dead' thing you've done at work, but nobody ever found out?"

These 19 people share the major work mistakes they've made that they managed to get away with without facing any consequences (except for a lifetime of guilt and shame):

1.) From LawnyJ:

I used to work for a big box pet store taking care of the animals that lived in the store. There was a rotation of the animals getting their accessories changed out and cleaned (i.e. water bottles, food bowls, plastic huts) every day. So each day the morning person cleaned that day's habitats and the closer did the "dishes" in the sink and set them to dry and be put back in rotation for use.

It was sometimes difficult to complete any of these tasks while also dealing with customers. The sink we did dishes in was very deep and company policy stated that the dishes had to soak in a cleaning solution for a certain amount of time so it took a long time to fill up the sink with the solution to soak everything.

It was common to turn the water on to fill up the sink and go see if anyone needed help in the store while you waited.

Not long after I started working there I was performing this task and got pulled into a long conversation with a customer. Normally I'd duck in the back and turn off the faucet if I thought the conversation would take a while, but this night I just completely forgot the sink was on. Cue like 20 minutes later walking in the back to ankle deep water. The sink had overflowed and was filling the back space. The door had a rubber stopper at the bottom keeping it from going into the store

I took a squeegee thing and started herding the water into a drain on the floor on the back side of the fish wall but it took a long time. I was so frantic and still had to pay attention to customers out on the floor. Luckily no one else ever went into the back unless you worked in that department and I was working alone. So I managed to herd most of the water into the fish drain and the rest dried over night before the opener came in. No one ever knew I flooded the back space.

Few months later I realized flooding was a common occurrence and my manager flooded it at least once a year.

2.) From 20XD6_1936:

When I was 18 I worked for Menards (like Home Depot). It was a small store with an outside yard that you couldn't drive into so we would pick what you wanted with a forklift and load the customers out in the parking lot.

So this lady came in to pick up a bunch of special order bricks. I loaded two pallets of bricks into the back of her very nice new truck, she signed the paperwork and the transaction was done.... Until I sat in the forklift filling out my part of the paperwork and she backed into a forklift tine and punched it all the way through her tailgate!!!

I was 100% in the wrong as anyone who has ever driven a forklift knows that unless you are actively using the lift, you keep the tines on the ground if you're parked, and a couple inches above while driving.

I had seen a guy get fired once for driving over a piece of cardboard instead of stopping to pick it up, so I was beyond screwed... but she just put it in drive and took off. She didn't even look back at me. I expected that she was going to pull up to the front of the store to report it, but she just left. As far as I know she never reported it, and no one ever knew it happened. That was 21 years ago and I think about that incident pretty often.

3.) From JamesJosiah:

Had a lorry turn up 15 minutes before the end of the day and in my rush/pure f*cking anger to just get him unloaded ASAP so I could go home I drove through the roller shutter doors as they were still opening and "caught" them with the top of the mast.

I got the guy unloaded and on his way and tried to lock up hoping to explain it all away the following day.

The door was that bent it wouldn't lock, as it wouldn't lock I couldn't set the alarms, I was essentially trapped at work and now an hour late from leaving.

In a moment of pure desperation I lifted the doors again and drove into them from the other side bending them enough to lock them up, set the alarms and get home.

I'd hit them a little too hard so they were now bent inwards and the bosses assumed someone had reversed into them during the night - the estate we were on was a notorious cruising spot for the local boy racers and there was always tyre marks or bits of car scattered round the place so they got the blame

Edit - Lorry = truck/semi/wagon/artic

4.) From LastOTheRealOnes:

When I was working as an intern, there was this hideous guy who called the office and started making insane accusations and demands. I thought I had put him on hold when I called one of my supervisors on another line and said, "There's some crazy f*ck on the other line demanding to talk to someone in charge" but actually somehow he wasn't on hold; he was listening the whole time. I heard a voice say "WHAT?" on the other line and I was like oh f*ck, I'm dead. Lol. So I picked up the phone and just hung it up lol. By some miracle the guy never called back. I told my supervisor that he hung up and that was the end of it.

5.) From gamageeknerd:

Knocked a soldering iron off of its stand while I was working as I was getting up to take a piss. Came back and it had burned a hole dead center in the plastic table my boss just bought. I’m thinking I’d have to pay for a new one but my boss comes in and sets a box down hard on the table and it knocks the iron over and burns another hole near the old one.

6.) From TGMcGonigle:

When I was a brand new airline pilot we landed at an airport that required a long taxi back to the terminal. During the taxi the captain made a wrong turn onto a narrow taxiway that led to a small private hangar. As soon as he made the turn we knew it was the wrong taxiway, but it was very narrow with trees on both sides so there was no way to turn around. I had no idea how we were going to deal with this.

He thought for a minute, then said, "McGonogle, can you see the tower from here?"

I looked. "Nope."

"Good. Then they can't see us."

With that, he reversed both engines and slowly backed onto the main taxiway. I guess the passengers thought it was normal because no one asked any questions and we never heard anything about it.=

7.) From mvjinn:

When I was about 17 I used to internship at a bank through a school program. It was a small business bank so there wasn't any glass like you see at big banks. The set up was 4 desks lined up next to each other with small walls separating them almost cubicle style but shorter. My desk was all the way at the end next to the wall.

Anyways, so I'm sitting at my desk bored one day with nothing to do so I grab a paperclip and start flicking it paper football style at the wall separating my desk and the one next to it. Everytime it bounced back I would flick it again.

Well one time I flicked it a little too hard and the paperclip flew right over the small wall and hit a customer right in the head that was waiting to be attended.

My heart sank and so did my head down to the desk as I tried to go unnoticed in hopes that they wouldnt know who did it. Looking back it was probably obvious that the 16 y/o boy was the one flicking paperclips and not the 40+ old ladies next to him.

Luckily I don't think the customer knew what hit her and I was never blamed for it.

8.) From JV19:

One day everybody was working from home except me so I just left and went to Six Flags with my friend, praying there wouldn't be any spur of the moment video calls.

9.) From billbapapa:

It was university.

They had this really expensive piece of equipment and I can't remember exactly what it measured, or how it worked. What I remember is this:

• you completed a "circuit" to power the thing, meaning you plugged a wire into 5volts or whatever came out of the wall, and another wire into the ground, and plugged both of them into the device (alligator clips baby).

• what you got out of the wall was wayyyyyyyy too much current, so you had to put a resister between the wire from the wall and the device

• the thing cost something ridiculous like 25k at the time. It was made out of diamonds or gold or something else f*cked up.

Anyways, I got really pissed at my lab partner, just took over the experiment. And plugged the thing directly into the wall without a resister...

I basically fried the thing in a second.

I smelt burning and could see smoke come out of it immediately and knew exactly what I'd done.

As I literally thought "Oh f*ck, I'm dead" and started realizing the gravity of my actions, this dude in a huge ass trench coat thing walks by my lab table, gets his coat caught in it and pulls the thing off the table. It lands on the ground and smashes into a million pieces.

Dude was walking with the guy who ran the labs, and that dude loses it on him.

I just sat in silence. I felt guilty but like I dodged the biggest bullet of my life.

I didn't know definitively that I'd broke it, but I knew definitively that that dude had.

And I was too much of a coward to say anything.

10.) From seamonstered:

Working at a high end tour company, I backed a bus hitch into a guest’s BMW. Broke one of their tail lamps. I picked up all the plastic remnants from the ground and taped a note to their window to find me when they returned from their tour to discuss the damage and go speak to the owner with me about insurance, etc. I’d been breaking down my trip to make way for the next bus arriving, so I hadn’t had a chance to go tell my boss before they returned. The guest came and found me, laughing. Said someone had hit it a few weeks prior and it was already being processed through the insurance of the other person who had hit him, and not to worry about it. He hadn’t realized that I’d done additional damage because it was the same tail light, nothing else was damaged and I’d picked up all the broken pieces from the ground, so it didn’t look that bad compared to what damage had already existed. I never had to fess up to my boss about the incident and learned to never attempt to park the bus near the fancy cars again.

11.) From UnMotivated-afk:

I wrote a check for 350K and gave it to the wrong person. I tracked him down... Not sure what he would've done if I didn't track him down...

12.) From UncleCoyote:

Our muzak hold crap system was out of whack, so since I'm IT, I was tasked to fix it. Stupid proprietary audio files, stupid codecs, stupid hold music.

To pass the time, I ripped a gwar cd that I recieved as a gag gift a million years ago to the proprietary format and amused myself by throwing "Meat Sandwich" on loop for testing.

Finally got everything working, called it a night and went home for the rest of the weekend.

Monday morning, around 11am, I get a call. "Hi, Coyote? I think our muzak system is still broken. People are complaining about the songs and the sound?"

What? WHAT? Call my work into question? I tested it MYSELF. I personally made sure the audio format was working with my OWN MUSIC and...

...and...

....and f*ck. I left Gwar, Meat Sandwich, as our only muzak for hold for our entire company.

I ran to the Datacenter, put everything back to default and the told them that it was "crossing channels" or some bullsh*t and everything was fine.

But we open at 6am. So for 5 glorious hours, Meat Sandwich was the music playing after the soft voiced woman told you to "Please Hold".

13.) From PMME_ur_lovely_boobs:

The first surgery I scrubbed into in my surgery clerkship in medical school, I accidentally stabbed the patient's liver with a tool called a trocar.

Just for some background, in laparoscopic surgery, typically 3 small incisions are made and surgical tools and a camera (laparoscope) are inserted in order to perform the surgery. After making the initial incision, a trocar is placed into the incision to widen the incision and to facilitate the passage of tools.

Basically, I misjudged how much force I would need to push the trocar through and very slightly nicked the patient's liver. I immediately began to sweat and fog up my eye protection thinking I killed the patient lol. Luckily, the injury was very minor and I didn't hit any major blood vessels. The surgeon cauterized the area that I hit to stop some minor bleeding but it was fine.

After we saw the patient a few weeks after taking out her gallbladder, she was perfectly fine and recovering well.

14.) ​​​​​​From TheUnholyPigeon:

I used to work as a warehouse manager for a company that sells expensive measuring instruments and managed to accidentally drop a box with glass lenses worth $1100 each. Most of them were broken. The box was freshly in so I took a huge risk by lying that they came in that way and must have gotten damaged during transport. Luckily for me they did believe me.

15.) From ZealousidealIncome:

It was the night before I was scheduled to have a tense meeting with my boss and a client. The meeting was supposed to be a sort of "peace talk" because of tension growing between my staff and the client who was an emotional and difficult person to work with. The night before my wife and I opened a bottle of wine with dinner and managed to finish it off before bed. This didn't seem like too much at the time but the next morning I woke up sicker than I have ever been. I still had this difficult meeting so I got up got dressed managed to choke down some Advil and a glass of water. The minute I get on the highway to work I feel my stomach twisting. There is nothing between where I am now and where my office is except highway with almost no shoulder. Half way to work I feel that feeling in my throat, like a tightening, and my bowels are starting to make terrible noises. I realize I am going to throw up and look around my car for anything to throw up in. I spot McDonalds bag is on the floor so I grab it. Hoping I don't need to use it I speed up trying to get to my exit so I can pull over and ralph. No dice. I held the bag up to my mouth going 85 MPH and throw up red wine into the McDonalds bag which had the strength of tissue paper because my hot acid puke punched right through the bag and into my lap. By some miracle I had extra business slacks in my car. I stopped at a gas station and changed in the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and a haggard sallow man with flop sweat and sunken eyes stared back at me. Even with the wardrobe change I smelled faintly of booze and vomit. I went to the meeting and my boss noticed something was up. He rescheduled with the client telling me "I don't think you're up to it this morning". I for sure thought he was going to fire me for being a huge drunk but nothing happened. I don't drink wine anymore.

16.) From iammaxhailme:

Parked badly, my mirror scratched my boss's truck. He was a prick so I never mentioned it and I forgot about it until reading this

17.) ​From thegiantcat1:

While on a phone with a female client I once said "You stupid f*cking c*nt" in reaction to something they had one, she was like "whats that?" I just replied, "Ohhh my coworker x just spilled coffee on a laptop" she thought it was funny. Never heard anything about it.

Another time, I broke something like a keyboard or drive mount or something, and was really scared I was going to get in trouble, my boss at this job liked to screw with me and when I went to tell him he thew his bag down and was like "I can't believe you thegiantcat1, do know how much those cost?" almost in tears I said "I'm sorry you can take it out of my check" he laughed and said, "I'm messing with you they're like 4 dollars, dont worry about it."

18.) From Tenryuu_RS3:

Spilled soil samples from an ecology project I was helping our doctorate student on. I contemplated just putting them back into the containers and playing dumb, but that would have been a shitty thing.

So instead, I take our work truck, the soil coring device and in the middle of the night I go to each area again and retake the cores. The bad thing is some sites are on people's front yards, so here I am, coring yards at 2am on a Wednesday in front of a house like some really shitty dirt burglar.

One old lady heard me and asked what I was doing in her yard, and thankfully instead of shoot me, or let my Lab Director know what the hell I was doing she simply told me that "everyone makes mistakes in science, take those scientists trying to tell us the Earth is getting too warm. Good luck with your dirt study!"

You know what silly old lady? I'll let this one slide, ignore the fact that we are trying to work out how climate change is interacting with urban ecosystems, you didn't rat on me. Yes I will enjoy my dirt study.

I did not get fired. No one knew what I did except that nice old lady. And now the internet.

19.) From sympleton:

There were some police officers at the reception desk. Not that unusual, police would show up for a wide range of reasons. I strolled by on the way to my office - they were being attended to so I didn't need to get involved.

20 minutes later I was strolling past reception again. The police were gone. I popped into the facility manager's office beside the reception desk. We were talking about stuff and I started telling him about this great hashish I had just got my hands on...maybe I could even get him some...

CEO sticks his head in the door and says 'Sympleton, can I see you out here?' I stepped out to see what's up, and he's standing there beside the same two police officers.

'Oh sh*t', I think.

CEO says 'Sympleton, these officers are here to drop off a donation cheque for our refugee fund! I was just showing them around the building. Can you take some pictures of us for the website?'

"SINGLE is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others."

-Abigail Rajkumar

Sometimes it seems like the whole world is coupled up, but that's not true. There are tons of hot singles reading this meme list right now! Laugh at these hilarious memes about being single before you meet someone, fall in love, and have to start sharing your snacks.

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It seems obvious that certain behavior will get you fired from every job. But in reality, some people tend to get away with bizarre or even criminal behavior in the workplace, and nobody really knows why.

A recent Reddit thread asked people to name the worst and weirdest things their coworkers have ever done without getting fired. The results might make you wonder how people get away with these things.

1. Maybe the bosses were secretly hoping the place would blow up...

Worked with a guy who punctured the main gas line to our shop three separate times. It was a construction company and he somehow was still my superintendent although he could have blown up the shop. - UnsaidPeacock

2. Bet that competitor was happy.

Accidentally sent the last three years of account details/back statements from one company to their direct competitor - Aufwader

3. What kind of other pervy horrors has this man committed?

Had a boss storing pictures of himself in only his wide open bathrobe on company servers. It was reported to HR but wasn’t fired for it. Later he was arrested as part of an undercover sting where he thought he was meeting a 15 year old girl about 500 miles away. - notathrowawayoris

4. An evil genius.

Worst coworker ever was the credit mooch. He would constantly horn in on other people’s projects, getting his name added to them to make it look like he was doing shit when he actually not. If people tried to assign him any work on said project he would have “a personal emergency” or “a virus would make him lose all his work” or “his schedule is booked with other project” or the worst, he would pull some sucker in to “help” him with it, and said sucker would end up doing it all in utter frustration.

Because he was so good at stealing credit, he managed to get top marks on his reviews despite doing absolutely zero actual work for the company. I know at least four people quit due to this guy getting better raises than they did. Far as I know they never actually got rid of him. - NotSoTinyURL

5. How do you stay in business?!

We had an IT guy that was stealing old laptops after we replaced them for employees with new ones. Funny thing was that we didn't give him a raise for five years since we knew about it, and apparently he didn't want to quit either out of fear of being discovered or due to the extra money he was making. His raise would have been worth more than the laptops so we just let it continue. - Sweet-Hat

6. This sounds like something out of a sitcom.

I know someone who managed to close an entire supermarket early for the first time in its history (costing the company several thousands of pounds) because they tried to set a clock on a computer back an hour to avoid missing some deadline for a daily routine. He said it seemed such a good idea at the time. - camoe1888

7. This dedication to laziness sounds harder than just doing the work.

I work in a garden center, this just happened today. Buddy has worked ONE (today) of his scheduled shifts in the past two weeks. He calls in all the time, leaves a message with the cashiers, and hangs up before a manager can talk to him. On the off chance he does show up, he doesn’t do anything besides move some plants around. Hell, my mom was walking through the garden center today and saw him squatted behind a stack of plants playing on his phone.

Further, the guy takes multiple unauthorized breaks a day and sits in his car for at least an hour because his “back hurts.” He has had two write-ups for missing work and somehow this lazy shite is still on payroll. He’s an asshole towards both coworkers and customers alike. Nothing he’s done is as preposterous as some of the stories I’m sure are on this thread, but the sheer consistency of his laziness is baffling to me.

- GergChen

8. There are much more socially acceptable ways to find out why your managers don't love you.

After already being disciplined and essentially demoted for doing his job terribly, my coworker drunk texted all of our managers in the middle of the night asking why they didn’t love him. It’s been about two weeks and I haven’t seen him since, but he’s not gone. Not the worst thing he could have done but I cringe thinking about it. - MemeAngel37

9. Sounds like an appropriate demotion.

A guy at the plant I work at scrapped $360,000 in airplane parts because he didn't even bother to look at the work instructions. He just drives a forklift now.. - ASoft7

10. Sounds like a real a-hole.

HR rep found out about a person’s elective surgery and made fun of her with a former employee. Let me recap: this person knew about an employee’s private medical information, because she worked with our healthcare plan in her role as HR, and shared that private information with another person for the sole purpose of mocking the employee.

She was not fired. - biiingo

11. Call the police???

Guy at my wife's old job was brought in because he was really good at selling the services they provided. Proceeded to send dick pics to the women at work and solicit nudes from them. Women said to stop or they'd take it up with management and it subsided some. Solicited nudes from a new chick who asked my wife about it and my wife went to management with everything and said this guy's out or I'm quitting. Well, she quit. Guy's still there but most the original female staff has quit. - Sleestak714

12. This is depressing.

Full on sexual harassment. (Little back story: I work in a private country club style dining/banquet event space. )A drunk-on-the job manager pinned an hourly server against the wall during a nighttime wedding reception. She punched him in the ribs and tried pushing him off of her. We all saw it. We all reported to HR. Another manager physically removed him off of her. This was about 4 months ago and he’s still in his position. She quit due to him telling everyone she’d lied about the entire situation. - sapphirevoodoo

13. Chilling.

Telemarketing co-worker was very obviously a psycho or sociopath. Showed up late every shift by definition, had quite a temper with authority, but would often just cause trouble out of boredom, by his own admission.

The most controversial thing he did one particular day was address every client he spoke to by the 'n' word. Once the manager heard him, he yelled at him outside for 20 minutes and that was the end of it. A week later, this co-worker denied it had ever happened before going on a tangent about how he liked to start arguments with his girlfriend just to see her cry. Fucking sociopath. - olivmlincoln

14. The poor security officer!

He tried to run over a security officer with his car when the security officer told him he couldn’t park where he wanted to park. Almost succeeded, too! - 10throwaway12

15. Too mean for words.

One of my former coworkers (she’s since been fired for stealing customers lottery winnings) told an elderly woman that she was stupid for not knowing how to pump gas. This woman’s husband had recently passed and he had always pumped the gas for her, so she never learned. I had horrible second hand embarrassment when the woman came in and told us (we relayed it to the manager). - pan-au-levain

16. Family connections? This checks out.

He was caught selling cocaine on work premises. Everyone was talking about how he's going to get fired. For a week. Then everybody seemed to have forgotten.

Helps if the owner is your kid's godmother. - Just_an_Empath

17. Sounds like he had a fun night.

Teaching English overseas, one of my co-workers was found dead drunk and stumbling around talking nonsense. This was at 730am in his classroom, before school was open. His coteacher stumbled on him passed out in the kiddie coat closet. He must have gotten in at night sometime.

When they woke him, he went into rambling speech about how he had to get to the local mall and get his shopping done. Then he walked out of the school and rode off on his scooter. Didn't teach that day.

Did not get let go. - PurpleDrank7855

Emotions can run high when it comes to wedding planning, and one bride is thinking of snubbing a potential maid of honor due to a childhood argument.

The bride took to Reddit to ask for advice. Her friend is expecting to be named maid of honor at her wedding, but the bride isn't into it anymore. And it's all because of a dispute from when they were seven.

The bride says she and her friends assigned each other's maids of honor when they were teens.

Next year I (f23) will be marrying my future husband (m26). I have had the same group of best friends since we were all four years old. When we were in our early teens we made a circle system so that we would all each get the opportunity to be maids of honour at one of our weddings. This friend, lets call her Grace was assigned to me.

She loves the friend who was assigned to her — but she can't get over something that happened when they were little.

I love Grace to absolute death. She lost her dad as a child and has been through a lot of mental health issues over the last decade, but I cant help but have a massive grudge against her because of something that happened when we were 7. I don't remember all the details but in short she told a teacher I was bullying her, and I got a massive scolding from my dad, I had never seen him more angry. She claims to have absolutely no recollection of this, and says that even if it did happen i should excuse it because a) it was 16 years ago and b) only a month after her dad died and she was going through a lot.

She told Grace flat-out why she didn't want to pick her, and Grace was angry:

When I met my current fiance, the topic of weddings came up in our best friends group chat. I told Grace then that I wouldn't want her to be my maid of honour, because of what happened when we were kids. I think she thought I was joking as when I recently brought it back up, and asked one of our other best friends to be maid of honour instead, she was really upset claiming that if the only trauma I experienced was my dad telling me off I "got off lightly" and that I need to stop holding such a grudge.

Her friends think the bride's in the wrong, but she doesn't think she should have to pick her maid of honor due to peer pressure:

I think she's being really unfair. All of our friends have told me I'm an asshole for not allowing her to be maid of honour but at the end of the day its my wedding and I'm not going to change my mind to appease her.

[Am I the a-hole] for not wanting her to be my maid of honour?

Most people argue that the bride is within her rights to choose whoever she wants as her maid of honor — but she's making the situation incredible petty.

l-a2 says the timeline is the problem here. The bride should've spoken up years ago:

[You're the a-hole] because presumably you and your friends came up with this 'circle system' wayyy later than the incident that happened when you were SEVEN. If I were Grace I would feel really hurt that all of a sudden it's my turn in the circle system and... wait, I don't get a turn. It doesn't sound like you 'love her to absolute death'. Seriously you went on being great friends with her this long, and then you bring it up NOW?

ThrowAwayFriendlySally agreed:

Of course you can choose whoever you want as your MOH, but I wouldn't be surprised if all of the other girls backed out of the wedding to avoid the pettiness you have introduced into your friendship circle. You were both 7 when this grudge inducing event happened. You cannot even remember the details. And, it was a month after your best friend's father died.....Yet, you waited all these years to punish her?

IridianRaingem says the childhood incident probably wasn't even that bad:

You do not ‘love her to absolute death’ if you can’t forgive something so minor that happened when you were SEVEN. She ‘claims’ to not remember because she likely seriously doesn’t. It was 16 years ago! A child did something children do. Shocking. Get over it already!

It is your wedding and you can do as you wish, of course, but this is a very stupid reason to break the deal. If you haven’t had your turn already don’t be shocked when that person decides you don’t have to be their MOH because you broke the circle.

StinkieBritches argues that the bride has been in the wrong for years:

If you were so traumatized by your father for scolding you for bullying your friend, then you have bigger problems. Why did you remain friends with her if it bothered you so much that you decided to bail on the agreement you all came to together? Have you been waiting all this time just to exact your weird ass revenge?

Also, given everything in your post, you straight up know you did bully Grace when you were seven and you're still doing it. You're just mad she told someone and you got in trouble for it.

So the verdict is: the bride can pick whoever she wants, but her reasoning is suspect.

And maybe Grace is dodging a bullet!

"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment."

-Horace

Don't forget to add a little silliness to your day. These memes are the perfect comic relief to all of the craziness in the world right now.

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The world changes fast but one thing will be true for awhile: people love to share their opinion about what is "right" and "wrong" on the internet.

Money can often ruin romantic relationships and it's important to be honest and open in the beginning before anything can potentially spiral. Pretending to make more or less money than you do in order to impress or trick someone you love will almost always blow up in your face. Finances can often be a boring, awkward, and overall mood-ruining subject to bring up on a date but in order to have a healthy relationship, it's pretty critical.

Enter: Reddit's "Am I the As*hole?" threads. Reddit, often criticized as the underbelly of basement-dwelling internet trolls can sometimes force us to think about moral questions. Reddit's "Am I the As*hole" will be philosophy texts of our time. So, when a woman was concerned about whether or not her boyfriend was a liar for hiding his income and inheritance in order to pretend they were both making equal amounts, the internet was definitely ready to chime in on. A secret millionaire lies for years to his girlfriend? This story is soap opera ready...

AITA for being upset my boyfriend hid his salary for 3 years

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and we live together. He told me he made 90k, which is around what I make. We split most stuff evenly. Yesterday he said he had something to tell me and said that he actually makes 150k, and also has millions in inheritance.

Now that doesn’t in it of itself change how I feel about him and I would still split stuff equally. But the fact he hid something so big for 3 years? It made me pretty upset that he didn’t trust me even after moving in together. I told him this and he said I was overreacting and that it was just to protect himself. I didn’t talk to him today until dinner and he told me again that I’m overreacting and that it’s not a big deal.

AITA? (Am I the As*hole?)

People were pretty conflicted about who exactly was the "as*hole" here.

I understand why you're upset - being lied to by someone you love, even if it's for a good reason, feels bad.

But his actions make total sense. When you first met, YOU knew you were trustworthy - but he didn't. I'm sure you can understand why he chose to keep the fact he is very wealthy a secret from you in the beginning.

And it's not like you found out by accident - he actively decided that he does trust you now and chose to tell you. Sure, maybe he should have told you sooner in an ideal world, but he trusts you now and is telling you now. - aitchbee

I would never divulge my yearly income to a girlfriend.

Fiancee or wife? Absolutely. But I don't care if she's been with me 5 years as a girlfriend. It's not need to know.

Good on you for saying it changes nothing. It shouldn't. Perhaps his concern is that maybe it would. If that's his stance, his concern is probably rooted in the past where it did change something. Significantly. - AFarcry

I would also be hurt if my partner didn't trust me enough to tell me his real salary. But I also understand why he was worried. Money does change people and he wanted to be certain that you loved him for him. The only reason I might say he's an asshole is that it took him so long to come clean. - Wyrd_byrd

his finances are his business until you are married. He has paid an equal share on the bills, did not put any undue burden on you. Now he’s decided to take the risk of letting you in on the fact that he’s sitting on stacks of cash, and you’re proving his hesitation right by acting like you had some claim to his personal business. He’s not your husband, his money is his business to disclose as he likes. - HappyFriar

his next disclosure will be about his wife and family in another area. He is a liar, and has no problems doing it straight to your face, major red flag!! - shutthef*ckup62

Been in a relationship for almost 3 years and we are moving in together. You don't lie about your financial situation. I understand keeping it under wraps for the beginning, but its a long term relationship at this point and he actively has been lying. He also keeps invalidating her feelings. So he both has a lot of money and he seems to lack emotional maturity. He is absolutely the AH. This would be a deal breaker for me. - curlsthefangirl

So, while the reviews are definitely mixed, the general opinion is that everyone has a right to keep their finances private, but a three year relationship and living together is a universally serious commitment. You'd hope your partner was able to trust you with the truth about your income and assets if they were comfortable enough to sign a lease with you, and it's understandable that she's hesitant about her boyfriend now.

Children have imaginations that run wild...because they have yet to learn to feel guilty and weird about being something other than "normal." Depending on the kid, the vivid imagination can be cute, or extremely creepy.

Parents shared the spookiest habits of their wee ones on Reddit, and each story sounds like it could be its own Tim Burton movie.

Here are the cuter anecdotes, not the ones about little baby serial killers-to-be.

1. The Morticia to her Wednesday.

My daughter (almost 4) is obsessed with death. She talks about death all the time. She talks about our dog that died last year, the cat that died when she was a baby. When we were leaving to go to the hospital to have her brother she told me that we weren't going to bring him home because he was going to die (that one really freaked me out.) And now tonight when getting ready for bed she started playing a song on her guitar and singing to her (very much alive) brother about death. So that's my little Wednesday Addams. -nacho-bitch

2. Everyone has an origin story.

My daughter used to tell stories about the time she was with her "other mommy from a long time ago"... this was when she was 3. whenever we tried to ask her more about it, she would always end with well that was a long time ago before the kangaroos ate me. -TurncoatEwok

3. The next Dr. Frankenstein.

My daughter (nine) cuts the heads (or in some cases limbs) off of one stuffed animal and sews it onto the other in an attempt to make "the most pretty one". With the extra pieces she sometimes sews them into strange, mismatched malformed creatures. At least she's not wasteful! -false_information

4. Chucky? Is that you?

When I was a nanny, this 6 year old boy had this "Christmas Elf" doll that sat on his shelf and looked terrifying.

The kid would tell me everyday how it came to life at night and danced around his room and told him secrets.

One time i made the mistake of asking what kind of secrets and the kid freaked out and shouted at me, "I CAN'T TELL YOU! HE TOLD ME NOT TO TELL ANYONE!" then he stood on his bed and shouted at the doll, "MOVE! MOVE!!!!!!! I'VE SEEN HIM MOVE! MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -sox5s

5. The next big emo pop star.

My 3 year old was in bed for the night, a time during which she often sings songs to her dolls. Two floors down I was listening on the monitor as I most likely surfed Reddit. Her song was sweet and I was fairly moved, "I love my mommy and my daddy, they are my best friends and I love love love them sooo much..." This verse went on for a couple of minutes and I thought it was the greatest song ever. Then it took a somewhat darker turn, "....and then they died, and it was just me and my baaaby, me and my baaaaaby....." That last part in a little 3 year old girl voice over a cheap baby monitor was pretty chilling :) -ashenfield

6. Sleepwalk with me.

My 4 year old daughter sleep walks and talks sometimes.... I woke up early one morning while it was still dark out. I showered and what not, then went to leave my bedroom. I open the door and there she is, standing down the hallway, backlit by a nightlight we keep in the hallway in this... slumped... but standing position, just blabbering, mumbling something. -stokleplinger

7. Physical comedy.

My three-year-old still sometimes crawls when he's playing, and when he gets really hyper and crawls really fast and his limbs clamber and move all over the place and make a lot of noise. It's very Poltergeisty, freaks me the hell out. -MissBrownsTeahouse

8. Everyone deserves a chance to fly.

My 3 year old kid thinks she can very literally fly. "Dad, don't worry about me falling, I'll just fly down to the ground." I think this is why parents look so old. -placidppl

9. He'll ace his history exams with firsthand knowledge of the "old times."

My son (4) sometimes talk about his other parents from "old times," before we were his parents.... Apparently he is reincarnated. -blip_blop

10. Best Friends Forever.

When my son was about 4 he had a imaginary friend named George. But it went beyond just imaginary. I would hear him have conversations with George all the time. And when I tried to convince him that George wasn't real, he would protest. He would often mention very adult things that George would say, (although I cant remember them right now).

The creepy thing was that now my son is 10 and the other day in the car he mentioned George. Not like "Hey remember that imaginary friend I had...ha ha ha". But instead "What ever happened to that guy?. I laughed thinking he was joking.... but he wasn't. When I tried to tell him he was imaginary he thought I was joking. I could see him in the rear view mirror pondering the whole situation. -Xarddrax

11. Yum.

My 2 year old daughter has a satchel filled with Peppa Pig books. She pulls them out one at a time, licks the cover, then puts them back neatly. -tghGaz

12. Been there, done that.

When I was in the service, my mom, sister and little nephew came out to visit me. He was probably 3 or 4 at the time. We were driving through the mountains and from the back seat we heard him say, "I remember when we had to blow through these hills to build the road. A lot of guys died."

When we asked him what he meant he acted like he didn't know what we were talking about. Or he'd forgotten already. It was creepy as f*ck. -Edrondol

13. Kids are psychic.

While walking home from daycare. I was pushing the stroller asking her how her day was, she suddenly turned around in the stroller and said "Mommy's going to give me a baby brother next Spring."

My wife and I hadn't discussed anything like that with her, but lo and behold, Mrs. Olaf got pregnant about a month after my little girl said that and her brother was born the following March. -olafthebent

14. She has seen the future.

My 3 year old niece says she has a husband (oddly enough his name is "husband"). Apparently he works all the time and only has time to call her, doesn't visit or anything. When she pretends she's talking to him on the phone it creeps me the hell out. -DrChimp

15. Welcome back, Grandma.

I know that kids recite colors and other things very often but I still found this a bit creepy. When My Grandma died she had Alzhiemers pretty bad and was pretty much bat shit out of her mind by the end but she laid in her bed and said "pink pink I want pink." Over and over for a few weeks before death. Years later my niece was born and when she was 3 years old she decided to randomly walk around repeating "pink pink I want pink" over and over in a creepy voice. When my sister asked her where she heard it she just looked at her and continued to walk around and recite it. I know that pink is a popular color for a child to like, just thought it was a bit creepy that it was the exact same wording. -piratebooty420

16. Well, Ariel does want to be where the people are.

My daughter had a playdate with a friend, both were 4 at the time. They were in the other room, playing pirates, when I heard the friend say, "Oh! I caught Ariel with my fishing pole! Let's eat her and put her skin on the wall!"

I called out from the other room, "DON'T EAT ARIEL!" -DroDro

17. Literally the plot of Parasite.

My 3 year old daughter will stop and say "can you hear that lady talking in the basement" when no one else is home which freaks me out. She's said it a couple times. I find it cool that the house might be haunted. -damnflanders

18. Extra flavor.

Four year old: Takes gum out of his mouth and smashes an ant before putting it back in his mouth. (so far he's only done this twice but damn) -lazyFer

19. Good morning!

My daughter wakes me up by quietly walking into my room and putting her face about an inch away from my face until I feel her presence and open my eyes...creepy as hell. -​​​​​​laughinggiraffe

In a less frustrating world, everyone would follow the CDC recommendations out in public by wearing masks, keeping physical distance from others, and regularly using hand sanitizer.

However, we don't live in a perfect world, we don't even live in a sensible world. We live in a world where Michigan residents brought guns to an anti-lockdown protest in order to demand the economy reopen so they can get haircuts. We live in a world where California beaches were packed with crowds even during shelter-in-place, with many mask-less people sitting close together.

If one thing is clear, it's that a lot of people aren't taking the pandemic seriously, or worse yet, they understand that stakes and don't care about other people's lives.

What's more, a lot of the people breaking the rules view themselves as freedom fighters of sorts, standing against "sheep mentality" when in reality they are just endangering public health.

A recent video of a man getting kicked out of Costco for refusing to wear a mask quickly went viral, but not for the reasons the man hoped it would.

The confrontation started when the Costco employee named Tison asked a man and his wife to put on masks in order to continue shopping. Rather than following CDC guidelines and Costco's current policy, the man started filming and told Tison he was going to show his "3,000 followers" the exchange.

Unafraid of the exposure, Tison introduced himself to the camera and continued to remove the shopping cart from the hands of the stubborn customer.

Naturally, the exchange ended with the disgruntled customer yelling that he refuses to follow public health guidelines because he's "not a sheep."

When the video gained traction and started making the Twitter rounds, people were quick to praise Tison's professionalism while roasting the customer's attitude.

Technically, the customer's point about "waking up in a free country" was on the money, since living in a free country also means Costco has a right to kick him out.

On top of complimenting how Tison handled the situation, people also emphasized that frontline workers in Tison's position deserve hazard pay for their grief, and the risky nature of working with the public during a pandemic.

Unbothered by all of the online criticism, the Costco customer posted a follow-up video calling people sheep and doubling down on the belief that he's the only one thinking for himself during a pandemic.

As for Tison, it wasn't long before he caught wind of the online love and jumped on Twitter to thank people for their kind words.

As for the disgruntled customer's emotional tirade about how it was okay for him to not wear a mask, since so many others were: that's not actually how it works. The most commonly available masks are far more effective at protecting others vs. protecting yourself, so if just one person is sick in a store without a mask, many are still at risk.

The pandemic has been hard on all of us, but Caribou coffee definitely didn't anticipate the quarantine when they were designing their cup sleeves...

Coffee shops love to put their logo and motivational, seasonal messages on the sleeves of their cups. Would there even be the holiday season with Starbucks' red snowflake cups? No longer do coffee shop customers have to worry about burning their hands from their daily unexplainably hot cup of liquid beans. However, what happens when you print out all your outdoorsy inspirational messages before a lockdown hits the entire country?

When a barista at Caribou coffee shared a video of him having to pull out every fourth sleeve to hide "fight the urge to stay indoors" from customers, people couldn't stop laughing.

A spokesperson for Caibou Coffee told Buzzfeed that they are in fact asking all of their baristas to go through the sleeves and remove these accidental anti-quarantine messages as it's necessary to "go through and sort out materials that were produced before the pandemic and aren't exactly on point with the heroic efforts that are being made to contain the Coronavirus."

Now that we've seen it, though, it's definitely hard to unsee...

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One Caribou just decided to keep them, with an edited version:

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Good luck to Caribou baristas everywhere. Stay safe, everyone!

A lot of jobs involved dealing with regulars, or clients who are a bit on the weird or obsessed side. But for the most part, regulars are predictable enough that they don't ruffle feathers or get in the way.

The few outliers, however, can cross boundaries and get super weird, super fast. Some jobs, by merit of what they are, deal with more obsessive types than others. Train conductors and airplane pilots know this firsthand, as does anyone whose worked an event with historical re-enactors.

Folks jumped on a popular Reddit thread to share the most obsessive clients, regulars, or stalkers they've dealt with because of their job, and the stories range from hilarious to truly terrifying.

1. From PFreeman008:

Train enthusiasts have been known to break into rail facilities and steal stuff off the more unique or rare equipment. It's a fairly regular occurrence... and often ruins it for the rest of us, as it'll put that piece of equipment out of circulation.

2. From AlbinoPandaBear:

Worked at a water park. We had this couple that bought season tickets to the park every year. They were avid money collectors. Essentially what they did was they would rotate between our lazy rivers and our wave pool and just collect change that people dropped at the bottom of the pools.

They were there practically every day during the summer. They were obsessed with collecting lost money at the bottom of the pool. They claim that they collect enough money to buy season tickets every year and food at the park (which means they’ve collected several hundred dollars over the course of the summer).

3. From Meshuggahn:

Skydivers living in their cars. I've known multiple skydivers who choose to live out of their cars to be at the drop zone 24/7. These are not people who couldn't afford an apartment or couldn't commute. But they work at the DZ and choose to live in their cars so they are there literally 100% of the time to either be jumping for $ or spending those $s jumping.

I get it. It's a great sport, but sh*t.

4. From lucy_throwaway:

Worked in fine dining in a city with a very large population of engineers and tech workers. Nothing against tech workers and engineers but there are some odd ones in that cross section of society.

One of the few corners that was cut in the restaurant was our soups. They came in a bag from a factory in British Columbia but we added stock, heated it up and garnished it with fancy croutons and such. The soups was never pushed by waitstaff, it was just a menu item you'd expect at a restaurant of our size.

We had a regular who was obsessed with our soups. He would come in multiple times a week and get steak and a soup. He was, depending on the waitress you asked, somewhere between Aspergers and full blown autistic savant. But he tipped very generously and was by all accounts a lonely guy who got a lot of comfort from his medium rare filet mignon and his soup (that came from a bag).

One menu roll out we removed soups from the menu. As you might imagine this customer was distraught. We saw this coming and ordered an extra bag of soup just for him. After all he was a regular and a big tipper.

Towards the end of his bag of soup he started a personal crusade to get soups back on the menu. Hand written letters to CEO, executive chef, board of directors and anyone else who would listen. He loudly complained to all of the managers of the restaurant begging them to bring back the soups. I later learned the corporate twitter had to block him. Dozens of yelp reviews lamenting the loss of soups.

Before he got trespassed from the restaurant he went so far as to corner our sous chef in the parking lot and demand the recipe for his favorite soup.

In the end we told him, "dude these soups are from a bag, just buy them yourself". Adding stock to a bag of soup takes no effort and this guy was kind of scary so we gave him all the information we had about the factory. I later learned he emailed the CEO, CFO and sales manager of the soup factory imploring them to re-win a contract to supply soup to our restaurant.

In the end, he got too aggressive with a waitress and threw a bowl of (our best attempt to recreate his favorite) soup on her. A restraining order was filed and he never came back.

Weird David, where ever you are, I hope you found your perfect bowl of from a bag soup.

5. From GuilhermeFreire:

I had a astronomy phase in high school, did a lot of advanced courses and met some strange figures.

There is always the "aliens" guy, the space camp guy, the completely moron guy, but in one of the courses there it was a "clouds" guy.

You see, this guy was crazy about cloud formations. This was in a time where photographs weren't digital, and he always after class would try a hook to show his photos of clouds...

And he had a LOT of albums filled with clouds, cirrus, nimbus, stratus... IDK what the guy liked so much, but he surely loved his clouds.

Never did any bad to no one, but I still don't understand his clouds obsession.

6. From gothiclg:

I'm going to include this one since I haven't seen it with Disneyland. Some people are so rabid for the park that they've named and keep track of the stray cats on the property. I've seen a few employees/cast members yelled at because they couldn't tell them the exact location of their favorite cat.

7. From nonnativejackass:

In college, I worked on a photo essay about a haunted house that took its job very seriously - actors wore no masks (only special effects make-up, and it was good), had to create full characters and yelling or saying "boo" was verboten. You had to create a full character and dialogue. It was a super scary house - the highest-level actors who spooked people out front even carried real weapons. I acted there one night, wearing several layers of latex on my face and breaking blood capsules in my mouth for added effect, and it was one of the most fun nights of my life.

The house attracted a lot of D&D/gaming/nerd types, and some of these people took this INCREDIBLY SERIOUSLY. Many of them never showered for the duration of the season - about two months, if not longer - so that you smelled them long before you heard or saw them in the house. It really did add to the scare factor.

But one woman, who had a spot in a wooded trail between buildings, took it to the next level. All day during season, she would binge eat - she was tiny, but she would eat these massive meals all day. Then, when hiding in the bushes, she'd stuff blood capsules into her mouth to make herself throw up massive, bloody puddles. It was...horrifying.

8. From KyWebb45:

I worked at a county park where panning for gold is allowed and very common. It’s an interesting aspect as gold is not associated with the area at all. With that being said, gold panners are some of the weirdest people I’ve ever met in my life.

The rules for panning state you aren’t allowed to alter any part of the creek to pan, but they constantly build these little rock dams to catch the flour gold easier. Holy shit do they get angry when you knock these dams down because, ya know, it’s technically illegal to alter the creek. I’ve been chewed out hard multiple times for fixing the creek.

This being said, not all gold panners act like this. Many of them are very nice and love to chat about their hobby. But some really tip the scale on the weird side.

9. From ReluctantHistorian:

I worked in public education at a zoo. Every zoo gets some crazies who think if the animals as their pets. One guest, I will call her N, loved our great apes and jaguars. When our much loved bonobo died, all the staff were sad. He was old and had passed of heart failure. And then I realized that N was probably coming in that day as I hadn't seen her the day before. I grabbed my boss, and the next hour was radio calls around the zoo determining who had to be the one to tell N. I threatened to quit if it fell on me.

It was determined the primate supervisor had to tell N as the supervisor had been the one to discover the death that morning. When N arrived at the main entrance, the supervisor was called, and several security people stationed themselves bear the bonobo exhibit. When N got the news, she cried a bit and went home to mourn. We were relieved.

And then N showed up the next day screaming at staff that we didn't even attempt CPR on a bonobo who's end we had been expecting for months. Then she started grabbing guests and telling them how terrible the zoo staff were. Police were called. Within a couple of weeks there was a restraining order in place and N is still not allowed on the property more than a decade later.

I wish that was the only restraining order against a guest in my time there, but it sadly was not.

10. From Idrinknailpolish:

I used to be a professional musician. Did a tour with a band called Bring Me The Horizon. Girls would line up outside of their bus every single night to catch a glimpse of their singer, Oli. One night, some girl who was maybe 14, saw me play (in a separate band entirely), and approached me. This wasn't uncommon, but the first thing she asked was, "Have you ever shaken Oli's hand???" I said that I had. She then asked if she could hold/kiss my hand. It was insane.

For the record, I vehemently declined her request.

11. From PM_ME_YOUR_CHORIZO:

I used to work at a coaster called Dragon Challenge (Formerly Dueling Dragons) at Universal Orlando. We had a coaster enthusiast known as Raptor Jo (named after the Raptor coaster) who would visit often and give us candy, cakes, and other gifts. She was usually nice, but she was a bit of a nut and has tattoos of at least a dozen coasters all over her.

When Dragons was torn down to make room for a new Harry Potter coaster, Raptor Jo was pissed, decided to boycott Universal, changed her Dragons tattoo to add a gravestone, and added a full window decal to the back of her car that says "RIP my babies 1999-2017". She still comments on a lot of team members posts on social media.

12. From urgehal666:

Historical re-enactors are in a arms race over who can make themselves the most miserable in a weekend because it makes the hobby "authentic."

I think the most extreme situation I heard of was Civil War re-enactors intentionally soiling their uniforms and rubbing spoiled meat on themselves so when they got "shot" they would smell like rotting corpses.

13. From calypso_cane:

Okay, so let me just say upfront I don't think the career I had would generally attract rabid enthusiasts - but I ended up getting a really creepy fan boy regardless. I was a forensic death investigator - forensics police officers that generally work with the DA's office and/or the Medical Examiners office - so I guess we would get the occasional person who thought it was interesting because they'd seen CSI or Law and Order a few times.

Anyway, fanboy showed up to a suspected homicide scene and was chattering at the poor uni's guarding the scene and trying to snap a few pics. So I figured he was really nosy, tone deaf press - gave him a scolding and told him that what he was doing wasn't appropriate and was disrespectful of the decedent. He agreed and left and I figured that was the last I'd see of him.

But no, a week later the same guy showed up at another questionable scene but it doesn't click that something is seriously off until he shows up at what turned out to be a suicide a complete county away from the last scene. Apparently I wasn't alone in my concerns as he was creeping out some of the other investigators that noticed him while working their cases too.

I get one of my coworkers to shake him down - see who the hell he is and what business he has to be here. Sure we get rubberneckers all the time who are curious and a bit morbid but no big deal, once the excitement passes they move on. Guy has no criminal record and doesn't work for the press so one of my superiors had a talk with him that he was making people nervous and it looked pretty shady to just start showing up at crime scenes.

Guy takes the hint for a while and decides a new tactic - fucker shows up at one of my favorite dive bars. Now I'm a 5'7" woman who doesn't look imposing in the least, I also made it a point to live well away from where I work for various reasons. He tries to buy me a drink chat me up with some of the creepiest sh*t I have ever heard - "What's the worst crime scene you've investigated?," "Have you ever worked on a case where the victim was dismembered?," "Do you think rape/murder cases are really about power dynamics and not sexually motivated?"

I completely shut him down, not even trying to be polite and he seemed a little put off but not apologetic in the least. I put in notice with the DA's office and ME's office to give them a heads up and start a paper trail for an RO. He's served with a cease and desists a few days later.

Not even 24 hours after the cease and desist is delivered he's back to shadowing crime scenes like it's going out of style and even gets into an altercation with one of the uniformed officers. He gets slammed with trespassing, obstruction, and a few other charges but since he has no record he's let out on bail - and shows up to a scene I'm working. We get into a scuffle after her breaks one of my guy's nose to get onto the scene and my partner and I finally get him cuffed. So, turns out he had a police scanner and a lot of creepy journals in his car - as well as notes on where I lived and worked along with info on one of the other female investigators.

Yeah, I never thought people would be that obsessed with crime scenes, forensics, or the like that they'd end up going to jail - but here we are.

14. From laterdude:

I used to work at a Subway when Jared was at the height of his pitch man fame and we had an overweight woman who came there breakfast, lunch and dinner every day without fail. She would pitch us on the idea of a "Bride of Jared" commercial that parodied "Bride of Frankenstein", like we sandwich artists had any say in the company's marketing.

15. From DVeagle74:

People obsessed with resort activity directors.

So let me explain. I used to work at a resort that hired a guy to run all of the guest activities. Things like lawn games, bingo, occasional night shows when we didn't have a headliner, stuff like that. Apparently he was very popular because we had people move their timeshares or buy new ones on our property just because he was here. At one point he was considering moving and we got calls for weeks asking if he's still there and where he's going. They'd get really angry at times!

16. From Tsquare43:

I work for a large transit system, there have been several obsessed people who have actually taken trains into service. Not to mention they get themselves uniforms. The PD takes that stuff very seriously.

17. From TRex_N_Truex:

Aviation seems to attract some really really weird people. Most of the stuff is innocent such as keeping a logbook of all the flights they've been on or sitting by an airport fence all day with a scanner listening to ATC and photographing the planes. The obsessions starts getting a bit much though when someone comes up to me while I'm in my pilot uniform in the airport and wants to discuss an airlines business class amenities or starts asking real loaded questions about a air crash investigations episode they saw.

Rarely though we'll get the expert private pilot or someone that took a few flight lessons 20 years ago that like to stick their head in the cockpit after a flight and give their expert analysis about what we could have done better on the flight. This is like the yahoo yelling golf tips to the pro walking to the 18th at the Masters. For some reason these people think that being hypercritical to the pilots is going to impress us. It doesn't. It actually makes me want to talk to passengers even less about the job.

18. From Ken_Field:

Semi-related story. I worked at Nickelodeon Universe at the Mall of America for 4 years throughout college. One of our regulars was a middle-aged black guy who - no joke - ALWAYS wore a purple suit, 1 white bedazzled glove, and carried a cane (for looks, didn’t seem like he used it to walk).

I literally never heard him say a word in the entire time I worked there, not sure if he was mute/deaf, and he would come in at least once a week. He would ride every single ride by himself, even the little kiddie rides, once and then leave. Never learned his name or anything about him, but every time he saw me he’d run over and give me a fist bump.

He was a super pleasant guy, just very eccentric. It’s been about 4 years since I worked there, not sure if he’s still coming in or not.

19. From LeicaM6guy:

Military checking in. People get really, weirdly enthusiastic sometimes. I once had a drunk dude on the LIRR try to offer me a wad of hundred dollar bills.

20. From Jay_1327:

Freight train engineer here. I've met some pretty obsessed people. We had this one guy who, on a regular basis, would follow our train over 100 miles and take videos of us at every crossing. He would spend 9 hours of his day (again, on a regular basis) and take video after video of the same train going over a crossing.

Who are you showing these videos to?!?!

"Oh look Sandra, here's the train going over the crossing at mile 115.5. OH BUT WAIT, here it is again going over the crossing at mile 110.8. Think you've lived, Sandra? Not until you've ALSO seen the train going over the crossing at Mile 94.3!!!"

I have many other stories.

Edit: Because some asked for stories...

I was stopped in the middle of nowhere once and these hutterite (sort of like Amish people but I'm sure saying that is offensive to both parties, sorry) walked over and they were just totally enthralled with trains. Knew all about them. They walked across their field, and just walked into the locomotive. No idea that you're totally not allowed to do that.

We kind of showed them around a little and I said something like "Well, okay guys you can't really be up here so you gotta go". They came back 20 minutes later with like 10 others from their colony and I though "Oh boy, here we go". They just wanted to thank us and brought me and my engineer (I was a conductor at the time) both a pair of handmade deerskin gloves. Best f*cking gloves I've ever had. -40c, only things warm are my hands.

Never witnessed this one but heard about it. There was a guy around one of the towns we used to go to on the train and he was a total train nut. Some of the guys say they think he was "on the spectrum" so to speak. One day they found out the reason he was there taking pictures every time a train came in was because he took a room in the crew lodging facility right beside the terminal. Only reason they found him was because the cleaning lady walked into his room by mistake. That's when they got the keypad installed.

Lori Loughlin aka Aunt Becky will plead guilty to conspiracy to commit wire and mail fraud, which is legalese for "bribing your way into USC by passing your children off as champion rowers."

As part of their plea deal, as summed up by the BBC, Becky Loughlin will "serve two months in prison, pay $150,000 in fines, have two years of supervised release and complete 100 hours of community service."

The college admissions scandal was one of the few times in recent memory that rich people faced consequences for crimes, but as people were quick to note, two months in prison and a pretty light sentence compared to that of other fraudsters who weren't on Full House.

The news lead to an important discussion of white privilege...and also Full House/Big House puns.

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In many parts of the United States, we've officially been quarantined for two months.

Sometimes, it might feel like the days are dragging on so slowly you wonder if you're just gradually transforming into a petrified, lazy gargoyle while other days you can't believe it's already May. How many pairs of sweatpants can you wear before you forget what it's like to get dressed? When are your co-workers going to figure out that you stopped wearing pants on Zoom meetings months ago? Do the days of the week matter anymore if every day is a strange blur of video calls, stress-reading the news, binge-watching television and lying on a yoga mat to scroll through Instagram? The most important thing we can do is support essential workers and do everything we can to protect ourselves and others. Wear a mask and socially distance!

If you've lost all sense of time, space, reality, and your overall identity-you're definitely not alone. Last week we brought you the funniest tweets from people who still have no clue what day it is and this week is no different. Enjoy and stay safe, everyone!

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Are you even alive if you haven't made up a BS excuse to get out of a shift at work, or another stressful obligation?

Most of us have been on either end of a dramatic excuse to bail, and the unspoken is often to not question it unless you're a frustrated manager doubting someone's overall employability.

However, not all seemingly absurd excuses are lies, there are times when a goose holds up your commute, or your third mom dies within a year, life is complicated and infinite. In many ways, the weird truths are far more fascinating than the most creative of lies.

In a popular Reddit thread, managers and coworkers shared the most intense excuses to skip work that ended up being real.

1. From LaPeauDouce:

One of my colleagues said he would be late because of heavy rains. It turned out that he was living in a flood prone zone and he showed up to office shirtless because it was wet and soiled by muddy water, with a video of his car floating and totaled on the road near his house.

2. From breentee:

When I managed a convenience store, a guy who was there didn't complete all his closing tasks until about 1am (we closed at 11pm). It usually only took about 15 minutes. He said it got super busy and someone had diarrhea in the middle of the store he had to clean up. He was known in the past for being lazy and finishing his job and milking his time to get more hours in so I really thought he was just saying stuff as an excuse.

Went back and watched the recording from the night before to be sure before I called him out though and I'm glad I did. You could clearly see about 20 people come about 10 minutes before closing (a dance or something in town was coming to an end) and one guy was leaving a stream of liquid poo around the store before running to the bathroom to try and clean himself up.

3. From Haceldama:

Guy was scheduled to come in for his first day. Got a flat tire on the freeway on the way in, called in, manager was cool and told him to take care of it and come in the next day. Next day rolls around and he calls in again, this time because his radiator overheated on the freeway. Even took a picture and texted it to management and HR. Manager, still cool, told him to come in the following Monday to give him time to get his car repaired. New employee is, of course, grateful as hell.

Monday rolls around, and my manager gets another call. New guy was on his way and got into a car accident on the freeway. Manager got pissed this time. New guy told him to look out the window, since our building was on a hill that overlooked a large stretch of freeway. Sure enough, off in the distance was new guy's car burning merrily away.

4. From ShortchangeParamecia:

Not a manager, but a coworker showed up over an hour late because "A goose was guarding my car door."

He had a video on his phone. A Canadian goose, sitting in his driveway. Every time he'd approach the car it'd spread its wings, lower its head and begin charging at him honking.

Hilarious as hell and totally worth the almost two hours of solo work.

5. From nachosurfer:

My best friend called out of work for what was essentially a bad sunburn once. We were working at a movie theater at the time, and because she wasn’t sure if anyone would believe her she decided to drive up to show the managers. She has a super distinctive body shape, so when I saw her across the lobby I waved and she sort of waved back. A bit later she walked over to me and she was completely unrecognizable.

Turns out that she actually had mild sun poisoning and her face was so swollen she looked like a different person. Her doctor wrote her a note because he didn’t want her near the hot popcorn poppers or deep fryers. It took her almost a week to look anything like herself again. Best part was she used the super swollen sun poisoning picture of herself on Tinder for the longest time.

6. From Valiantlycaustic:

Fifteen minutes before her shift is supposed to start I get a call from the employee saying she had just been in a fender bender but she was alright and would be at work in 45 mins to an hour after getting the insurance info sorted. 45 minutes later I get another call. She wasn’t going to make it work that day because her car had been hit by another driver and was totaled.

I didn’t believe her until I saw the pics of the three car sandwich with her car firmly squished in the middle.

7. From Flutterwander:

I had a similar sort of experience working at a Ren Faire one year. Other employee and I strike out to grab lunch, do in fact help a little old lady walk up the (Fairly uneven) trail a way. This takes us awhile so we're about 10 minutes late to call. Boss is pissed, demands to know where we were.

"Sorry, we were helping a little old Lady cross the road."

Boss is incredulous until one of the other performers pipes up:

"No, I saw them, they were literally helping a little old lady cross the road."

8. From MrsHoJePi:

A guy in my public speaking class stopped showing up for about a month. Suddenly he reappears and says he got jumped and was stabbed 6 times and that's why he missed class.

6 times?

He pulled up his shirt to show the group of people who had huddled to hear the story. It looked like a grenade had gone off with how fast the huddle of people torqued their bodies away from the sight.

Yeah, 6 times.

9. From skunkwaffle:

"I jumped up, hit my head on the low ceiling, and had to go to the hospital."

He showed me the stitches.

Edit: A lot of people wondering if it was them so I'll tell you all this happened in 2004 at a retail job.

10. From w116:

Guy I knew lost the tip of his big toe on a building site, someone knocked over one of those large concrete slabs things they have.

He was ringing his boss, who didn't believe him, so his asked the ambulance driver to turn on the siren.

11. From Misharum_Kittum:

This one was me.

A few years back my birthday was on a weekend. I had taken Monday off work, but then Thursday night something went wrong. I woke up some time after feeling really messed up with a sticky face, so got out of bed and turned on a light. My room looked like a crime scene. Night stand knocked over, blood soaking my sheets, on the floor, smeared on the walls and door frames heading towards the bathroom, all over the sink, and staining a towel horribly.

I had had a grand mal seizure in my sleep, fell out of bed, and hit my head repeatedly on my night stand, cutting it up real bad. Some time after that I got up and tried to clean myself up and went back to bed, but was still so messed up that I have no recollection of it (postictal). I then woke up some time later to find the blood everywhere.

So I'm standing there, feeling miserable and looking at myself, thinking, "There's no way I can go into work tomorrow, but I have to let my boss know and I don't want him to think I'm just trying to extend my birthday weekend." So I snapped a picture of myself in the mirror, smeared with blood, face bruised and swollen, and texted it to him at like 2 in the morning with a message that I wouldn't be coming in due to having a seizure.

I then cleaned myself up, changed the sheets, and went back to sleep.

12. From jezwel:

One of my team was off for a week holiday, called up to say he'd fallen off a bed and broken his neck.

Yup. Neck brace, several weeks off work, rehabilitation. Remarkable how he was able to recover so quickly.

13. From Send_me_chips:

Not manager but guy misses payment on his mortgage - claims to have been kidnapped for x months...being risk based peeps we were all skeptical til we saw the police report.

14. From CrotchWolf:

I was temporarily fired for not showing up to work for a couple of days. I had been called up for jury duty and was selected for a court case so I filled out a time off request form and faxed it to my supervisor to approve.

When I got to the office after finishing jury duty walked into my bosses office brandishing: 1) my jury summons, 2) the original time off request form and the fax sheet and 3) paperwork from the court to prove I had reported for duty and served. He called my supervisor into his office and asked her about the time off request form. Turns out my idiot supervisor not only forgot to hand the form in but for the past couple of months, she had been carrying it around with her.

15. From whoisfourthwall:

Someone said they got a medical recommendation from the doctor for a sick leave, which legally will be giving them a paid day off...for....wait for it..... being drunk.

Saw the medical chit "too drunk and hungover to work", called up the clinic, drove all the way to check out if the thing exists. Bravo, bravo.

16. From marakush:

Had an employee that took bereavement time because his mother passed away, okay it happens. Four or five months later he took bereavement time because his mother died, I was like WTF? He tells me he was adopted, his birth mother had just died, and the first one was his adoptive mother, okay wow yeah fine.

Six months later he takes bereavement time because his mother died, I was like your kidding me right? Nope his parents that adopted him divorced when he was 8, his father remarried when he was 12 and the new wife adopted him.

17. From TheCorpseGrinder:

I was a manager at BK. Kid called in and said he had a bad reaction to some bath salts. I thought he meant actual bath salts, not the drug bath salts. I've bought some of the essential oil salts for the wife and some have made her irritated so I ran with it.

He definitely meant the drug bath salts because I caught him a week or so later busting out a line in the restaurant bathroom. Dude had a small Mason jar full. Fired on the spot. His excuse was it was legal, and didn't think it would be an issue.

18. From ggamer777:

I know a guy who said he was kidnapped by terrorists in the Middle East on vacations, he had the police reports and everything.

EDIT: For those asking why he would go on vacation in the Middle East, he said he was visiting family.

19. From darth_meh:

I had an employee call me saying he wouldn't be able to make it to work because he was in jail. HR called the jail, and sure enough he was charged with possession of a controlled substance and domestic abuse.

He didn't work out.

20. From Mic_Check_One_Two:

I had a guy no-show one time. He called like an hour after he was supposed to be there, saying that he blew three tires while on his way to work.

Turns out, he saw a box in the road, and assumed it was empty. So he ran over it... It was a box of drywall screws. They scattered, blowing not only the tire he hit it with, but also both rear tires as well.

Apparently lots of cars also picked up screws as they went around him, before a fire truck was able to get there and block off the two lanes. He showed me a photo of him and a cop, standing next to a row of like 15 parked cars, all with flat/quickly deflating tires.

And that's the story of how my idiot coworker learned never to assume containers in the middle of the road are empty.

Many countries (and many states, which might as well be their own countries) have begun reopening after lockdowns to contain the COVID-19 epidemic. Until a vaccine is manufactured and administered, we are not out of the woods with those pesky pathogens just yet. Here are some creative measures that businesses and public parks are taking to maintain social distancing out in the world.

1. Human parking spots

2. Foot-operated hand sanitizer

3. Liquor salad bar

4. Mannequin restaurant guests

5. Food truck food slide

6. Bumper tables

7. Personal tents for fast food workers

8. Temperature checks at Universal Studios

9. Plastic shields at poker tables

10. Stuffed capybaras in Japan

11. Drive-in rave in Germany

12. Human lanes at Starbucks in San Francisco

13. Socially distanced gym in Hong Kong

If you're trying to do your job while also navigating all the distractions of working from home, you could definitely use a laugh right now. This hilarious list of memes is just the thing to get you through the constant stream of emails, Zoom meetings, and other annoyances of the at-home workday.

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Have you ever met someone with an infuriating habit and thought, "Their parents must not have raised them right"?

From not treating waiters politely to leaving trash around, there are so many behaviors that scream "bad parenting." A recent Reddit thread asked people to name the biggest telltale signs that someone's parents phoned it in. Let's all make a pact that we'll raise the next generation not to do this stuff, okay?

1. A lack of accountability is a big sign that someone's parents didn't do their job.

lack of personal accountability. they can never admit wrongdoing on their part. it's always someone else's fault. - DFloydd

2. People spit chewing gum into urinals?! Shocking behavior.

Who are the guys who spit out their chewing gum into urinals? I see this all the time at work and I work in a high end corporate place. Do they think it disolves and goes down the pipe? The janitor has to pick that out. - NealR2000

3. Take your rubbish with you, dammit!

You give them a lift and they leave rubbish in your car. - kitjen

4. Mean boss behavior is a major sign that someone's parents messed up.

How they act as a boss when their employee messes up.

Yelling and belittling shouldn’t be your first option. - BlinkStrike187

5. Victim complexes get old fast.

They always portray themselves as a victim. Nothing is ever their fault and somebody is always out to get them. - HighlyOffensive10

6. A good parent will guilt you out for this!

if they make messes in public areas and just wander off (leaving trash in the theater, not flushing, leaving the cart in a parking space) - swervefire

7. Being nice to everyone is the sign of good parenting.

How they treat people from whom they have nothing to gain. - ScholesRightFoot

8. "No means no" is an important lesson for anyone.

The word "no" just means throw a fit and be as obnoxious as you can be until you get your way. "No" does not mean that rules are rules or someone's job might be on the line, they're the important one, not anyone else. - llcucf80

9. People who say "respect has to be earned" instead of "respect everyone"... those people had mean dads.

Ah the old "I only give respect if it's earned so I'm gonna be rude to the world and if it's rude back they are the a**holes" Gotta love those talks with people - Isboredanddeadinside

10. Boundaries are important.

Not respecting personal boundaries. If you're wondering why someone has these sorts of issues, take a look at their parents. - Wearer_of_black

11. Nothing screams "spoiled" like this...

They don’t take responsibility for their actions. - Esorier

12. This is a big one.

Someone that does things to intentionally hurt another persons feelings after they’ve expressed that, that certain thing hurts their feelings - JadeM05

13. Imagine having parents who weren't obsessive about this!

They never say please or thank you. - writerintheory1382

14. Sometimes, the evidence of bad parenting comes from being too nice.

they apologize for every little thing. Probably a sign that they grew up with abusive parents that got mad over anything and everything - potatozceuncher

15. Similarly, overbearing parents can make you fearful.

I'd say on the other end of the spectrum, if someone is anxious about simple social interactions, like sharing their opinions - Lapsha_Ffa

16. This is messed up.

They leave trash in theater and state that its the employee’s job to clean up their mess. - politicalqueen22

17. It's so easy to just put things back.

They don’t put their shopping cart in the proper place when they’re done with it. - larryfellows

A man who "flipped out" on his pregnant wife for being "reckless" is asking the internet whether he was in the wrong — and people aren't holding back on their opinion that he was, indeed, acting like an a-hole.

The man took to Reddit's "Am I the A-hole?" forum to ask if what he did was wrong. Here's his story.

He starts with the details of their relationship:

My (36M) wife (25F) of two years is pregnant with our first-born child. We've been together for five years. She is 18 weeks pregnant right now. She's a great woman usually . Kind, loyal, and homely. However, I am scared and a bit annoyed by how reckless I've seen her be while pregnant with our child.

It started with his wife *gasp* going grocery shopping:

First of all, she insists on still doing the grocery shopping and carrying bags in from the car. She also still goes running twice a week which I've heard can be so dangerous in terms of encouraging miscarriage! She still drinks soda often even though there's caffeine in it (also harmful).

In addition to running and drinking soda, she's also working:

She remains working even though we could get by perfectly well for the next few months on my salary. She insists on tracking the her pregnancy symptoms herself through some app on her phone, even though I have been already using a top-rated app program to monitor her progress.

Yes, she has the gall to have her own pregnancy app!

All these little reckless acts are frustrating enough but what has really broke me is that last weekend she went to an event run by a friend of hers. I had warned her off it for weeks. There was absolutely no need for her to go in her condition. She went anyway and she stayed way too late and lied to me about it. I was working at the time so I didn't see her until the next day.

He really got mad when she stayed out until 1 a.m. drinking non-alcoholic rosé:

She told me she got home at 10:30pm but I found a cab receipt in the hallway that says 1:13am. When i confronted her, she also insisted that she had been drinking non-alcoholic rosé all night but honestly I wouldn't be surprised at this point if she had been drinking alcohol too!

He lost it:

I flipped out and told her that I could already tell she was going to be a shitty parent and that I wished she would just listen to me. It's my kid in there! I just want things our family to be safe. She hasn't spoken to me much since and I just can't believe how bad her attitude is. Reddit, am i the a**hole here?

Everyone agrees that the husband is majorly overstepping his role as dad:

Stupidsheepeverywhere feels sympathy for the wife:

God I pity your poor wife. YOur wife can carry bags, your wife can go running, your wife can do anything her body allows and her doctor approves. You sound like a crazy person, and I hope your wife takes her child and leaves you because YOU are the one who is going to be a terrible parent with your horrifying controlling behavior that's based on nothing but your own emotional insanity and not on science or fact or anything rational.

Unlocklike patiently explained the science behind why this guy's insane:

I'm not even gonna get into the half of it. ...exercise during pregnancy is fine at the same level prior to pregnancy unless there are negative indicators or a high risk pregnancy

Grocery shopping is fine

They added:

Working is fine ..do you expect her to give up all of her independence purely because she is pregnant. Is she stops work and you get hit by a car and can no longer work ..where does money come from then?

Your wife is an adult, nothing you have said here is reckless ..she is just still being a human while pregnant. She isn't an incubator. She doesn't cease to exist outside her role in growing this human.

And finally:

Stop treating her like an imbecile.

You sound like a totally irrational person, and I'm sure being in a relationship with you while pregnant would be hell.

Redtoken had some strong words:

This is some absolutely controlling behavior. I would honestly take a step back and reassess what feelings are from being scared about having a child and what is about her being pregnant.

18 weeks and she can still be running a marathon.

Adam_Bomb18 expressed some empathy, but still came down on the "he's an a-hole" side:

WTF bro... like I get the overprotective concerns that come with having your first kid, to a point. But give your wife a break, nothing she's doing is that wyld.

And you're surprised she's not talking to you? You told her she was going to be a s***** mother, which is f***** beyond belief, and then basically told her that you're the only one who is right and that it's "your" kid, like she plays no role in it...

You gotta look at yourself my guy, I can tell you're going to be a s***** parent by the way you're acting.

But the husband still didn't get the point.

He posted an update explaining why he called his wife "homely," among other things, and proving that he didn't really get the memo from everyone called him an a-hole:

A: By homely I meant that she is plain-faced. Not ugly by any means but she's no VS model. She isn't stuck up and self-absorbed in her looks.

B: She went to a BBQ. Also bad because of the smoke/possibility of undercooked food but she didn't care much about that either. Where we live you can gather in groups of 10 people but that is in regards to HEALTHY people. I find it selfish.

C: I care a lot and want a successful pregnancy. That's my numero uno. I am not intentionally controlling her. I just want her to be careful which she would be if she listened to me.

Oh well. Pray for this lady!

“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
―Mindy Kaling

If you're not a morning person, no worries, you can still enjoy these memes. They are funny enough to make even the crabbiest night owl laugh.

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Sometimes you're just going about your day and then you learn a fact so simple yet mesmerizing that it completely blows your mind how you could've lived so long without knowing it...

The internet is a powerful tool, and while we have pretty much all of humanity's current knowledge about the universe and every species on it at our fingertips, most of us use it to scroll through social media photos of our friends on beach vacations or videos of kittens befriending baby goats. When we do learn something from the internet, it's often something we didn't seek out. However, accidentally stumbling upon knowledge is still considered learning!

So, when you learn something truly mind-blowing, the first instinct is to share it with everyone you know immediately. If you're in the mood for some Twitter University, here are the funniest tweets we could find from people who were "today years old" when they learned facts that shocked, fascinated, and delighted them.

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