We all can learn a lot from children and their pure and literal way of perceiving the world around them. For example, when I was a kid, I called my family's dog "floppy cat" and I called milk "cow juice." I wasn't exactly wrong.

Parents on Twitter are sharing times their kids invented new words for everyday objects, often based on very literal and astute observations. Here are 44 examples that need to be added to the dictionary, ASAP:

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Anyone who has ever had a job in customer service knows that "the customer is always right" is the biggest lie since "if someone is mean to you, they have a crush on you!"

The customer is usually not right, but hell hath no fury like a Cobb salad Karen scorned. If you've worked in retail, you've probably had someone scream at you over a matter of three dollars and if you've ever worked in the service industry, you'll wake up in a cold sweat three years after quitting the job because you were slightly late one time bringing a side of ranch dressing for someone's pancakes (?).

Especially now when service industry and other essential workers are risking their lives to serve you, perhaps your complaint on the Yelp page that you'd "give 0 stars" if you could, can wait until never. So, when a Reddit user asked the internet, "What's the meanest thing a customer has ever done to you and how did you react?" people were ready to vent about their horror stories from the trenches of customer service.

1.

I worked at a local sports bar and had two men and their dates come in... along with their children. These women had three children with them aged approximately 2-5. The five year old was running around the restaurant picking food off of people's plates. The middle child was changing the TV stations in the middle of baseball playoffs. The youngest child was sleeping on the table while these couples proceeded to drink margaritas.

I served them their food and immediately as the youngest, sleeping child took a bite he proceeded to vomit, completely covering the table. I attempted to be a hospitable server and cleaned it up expecting that the customers would be appreciative. Nope. Ordered more margaritas.

At that point I refused to serve them anymore (they each had two margaritas) because they were extremely disrespectful and I was not comfortable serving alcohol to people who are responsible for getting children home safely.

That's where sh*t hit the fan. These women proceeded to stand up and scream at me from across the table saying, "You don't know me, motha f*cka, you want some," to which I had my manager come over and kick them out.

The kicker? Before they left, they poured out two full ketchup bottles underneath the table and left no tip. - [deleted]

2.

I know a guy who got fired from his job managing a Burger King after he called a customer a c*nt for throwing their drink in his face. It was diet and they wanted regular. - babyeatingdingoes

3.

I work at McDonalds. I had a customer throw his burger at my face at 1:00 this morning because his pickle was "not in the center of the freakin bun". - Bigmac01

4.

When I was working at Mcdonald's, I was in drive-thru, covering for a minute for one of the employees to go to the washroom, the customer in my drive-thru started complaining, and then he flicked his cigarette at me, and he got ashes in my face a bit even, I was about to hand him his drink and by reflex I threw it at him. I was the only manager there at the time, so I didn't get in trouble. - leonessa123

5.

A rather large woman told me I was stupid and would never be worth anything because I didn't make her large ice cream cone big enough, even though I followed our store's guidelines. I reacted by giving her a huge ice cream cone, because you know, the customer is always right.

I assume if she does that everywhere, she'll die of obesity soon enough. - [deleted]

6.

I had a customer come into my workplace about 6 years ago who was upset because her bread sticks were cold. After putting up with about 5 minutes of vicious abuse (she called me every terrible name under the sun), I finally told her that she couldn't talk to me that way. She responded with this absolute gem: "I can talk to you however I want, you're just a pizza girl." Well, snap. I lose it. I was paying my way through university and was holding down two jobs as well as my schooling. I was tired and stressed. I didn't know until this point that "seeing red" was an actual thing.

I literally saw red (I think it was probably my blood pressure). I proceeded to tell her that she was a small, spiteful, stupid woman, who would never amount to anything and she didn't deserve to if she thought the best way to make herself feel good was abusing 19 year old girls. Also lectured (screamed at) her that work is work, and the act of trying to support myself was honorable in itself. She ran away and sent her husband in. He threw the bread at me and a napkin holder off one of the tables and started yelling. The security guard saw, and grabbed him while the manager called the police. He got arrested (released later because I decided not to press charges, not worth the stress). I've never been so angry in my entire life. - Iam_notamused

7.

I used to work at Applebee's. One of my tables was an elderly couple and what I assumed was their granddaughter. They ordered their food (steak, salad, and chicken fingers). In the kitchen, a random server (let's call him Matt) was running people's food because everyone was busy. Well, the table next to mine belonged to a server named Ashley. Matt accidentally ran Ashley's food to my table. He asked the old couple if they were the table that had ordered a chicken penne pasta, onion rings, and a chocolate dessert, all of which were completely different than what they had ordered. They said yes. Then then proceded to yell at the manager about how wrong their food was and how bad of a server I was.

I hate people. - iamsharkbaitoohaha

8.

This didn't happen to me but I'll tell it anyways. My girlfriend used to work at a Dunkin Donuts in Miami and as you can imagine had to deal with many as*holes. The guy that takes the cake on this one though is the one who asked for his coffee sweet and was unsatisfied. When he got his coffee, it wasn't sweet enough so instead of putting more sugar like a normal human being would, he opened it up and threw the boiling hot coffee at my girlfriends shirt. The guy then left and drove off. Her burns weren't too bad but all she got out of it was the day off. - sAndlord

9.

Delivered an EXCHANGE pizza (first pizza was wrong toppings). I gave them the correct pizza and asked for the inccorect pizza back. The whole family came out to the front yard and started yelling at me about how they deserve to keep the first, incorrect pizza, as compensation. THEN, they brought out two pitbulls and threatened to send the dogs after me. I told them to go f*ck themselves, got in my car and called the cops. - SkyrocketDelight

10.

Where I used to work a grandmother came in with her granddaughter to purchase a bathing suit.

They came up to purchase a green stripey swimsuit the young girl had on. The price was $18.99.

The grandmother swore it was on sale, so I had an employee check the price on the other suits just in case that suit had gotten missed in the markdown. It was not on sale. When I told the lady this, she flipped her lid.

She paid for it anyways cause her granddaughter was already wearing it and I wasnt about to be nice and tell her it didnt matter if the granddaughter was wearing it and she could go take it off.

As she was leaving she stopped, turned and looked at me and said "I do not wish you well in life." I was completely and utterly baffled that someone would go so far to say something so cruel over a $19 bathing suit for a grandchild. - [deleted]

11.

I worked in retail a bit my senior year of high school and some time after. I once had a customer that I was ringing up rudely asked me if I had gone to high school and said I was probably a drop out, towards the end of a transaction. To which I just gave an exaggerated shrug, gave a dumb smile, and crossed my eyes as I handed her her bag. - pinkpostit

12.

When I worked in Disney World I measured a child to make sure she was tall enough to go on Splash Mountain. She WAS TALL ENOUGH. Her father turned to me and called me a b*tch.

This was my first Christmas away from home. :'( - sexi_squidward

13.

Working in the clothing portion of my campus store in college. An alumna came in with her band of 7 children (all hers), and asked me to find clothes for all of them, and of course everyone wanted something different and specific. So I start helping, and all 7 of the kids start running around, pulling clothing off hangers and racks, and really causing a lot of totally unnecessary chaos and destruction. I asked the mom to keep her kids close and to ask them to put stuff back or at least stop touching stuff, and boy oh boy, this woman lost her f*cking sh*t towards me. She started swearing at me and stormed out of my section with a huge amount of clothes threatening to tell my manager about my attitude and "don't you know who I am? I could buy and sell you, don't make me take my business elsewhere." And shocked, I started to clean up my section.

And hour later, I was finishing up and found a piece of notebook paper folded in half with my name on the outside. She had gotten one of her kids to write "[lickmyplum] is a f*cking b*tch. Die and f*ck you." in crayon and leave it for me to find. And that's the meanest thing a customer has ever done to me. - lickmyplum

14.

I used to cashier at a department store. It seemed that whenever a customer was in a bitchy mood, s/he felt entitled to dump on the poor girl at the checkout. So...our store decided to add some reserved parking spaces for pregnant women. Shortly thereafter, a crabby male customer was checking out at my register and snarled, "First you have handicapped parking and now you add parking for pregnant women??!! What's next???"

I responded, "Parking for as*holes. You can be the first one."

I was so happy to leave that job. - Bad_Fruit

15.

My first ever job - a lady came in and asked where the toilet was. As we were a small knick-knack store, we didn't have one for the public to use.

So she took a vase off the shelf, peed in it, and put it back. In all its steaming, yellow glory. Guess who had the privilege of cleaning that up. - sweet_chick283

16.

Working at Chick-Fil-A at 16:

I was a cashier working the counter during breakfast. The manager hadn't come back with the change from the bank so I didn't have a lot of change left in my drawer. I had a line of a few people in front of me and so did the other girl next to me. I started running out of change and let the guy know that unfortunately I wouldn't be able to take his order at my register because I didn't have change to give him and the girl next to me would have to take him.

He got uber pissed and started screaming and yelling at me telling me how horrible and stupid I was and how I f*cking ruined his morning. Totally created a scene in front of everyone. On top of this I was super emotional and burst into tears. The owner came out and asked the guy to leave and told him he wasn't welcome at that Chick-Fil-A any longer.

I moved over to the end of the counter and started portioning out cheesecake while trying to compose myself and a few ladies came up to me to tell me I was doing a great job and to ignore that man. Kind of restored my faith in humanity. - magnoliafly

Love is love! And yet, the heartbreaking reality is that almost all LGBTQ people have experienced some form of homophobia in their lives. Even in a time when literally everyone should know better. But bigotry doesn't always present itself as explicit hate. More often, people express ignorant or hateful views in more covert ways, such as couching their opinions in the statement "I'm not homophobic, but..." As if that statement is a "get-out-of-bigotry-free" card. Well, it's not. If you have to precede a sentence by denying you're a bigot, bad news buddy, you're probably a bigot.

Someone asked LGBTQ+ people of Reddit: "what is your worst 'I’m not a homophobe but' story? These 14 people share stories of people being homophobic towards them without realizing it:

1.) From GokuIsMyPuppy:

Worked in a nursing home, was one of the best CNAs there. RNs used to argue over whose wing I would get assigned for the day. I was going to school to be an RN, and my work ethic was extremely good.

I'd been there about 6 months when some coworkers announced they were going to the bar. (This was about 12 years ago, so LGBT+ were not accepted like they are today.) I was invited by a few of the CNAs I was friends with.

I wasn't planning on getting drunk. I wasn't even planning on getting buzzed, but I stayed too long, had too much fun, and loosened up quite a bit. One girl asked me why I was always so stand offish at work. Everything in me was screaming not to talk about it, but I did anyway.

New CNA, I didn't realize at the time, was the head administrator's daughter. She was sitting right beside me. I told everyone sitting around me that I was engaged to a woman, and I didn't think anyone would like me if they found out.

The girl I was talking directly to didn't have a problem with it. Told me I shouldn't worry about what anyone else thought. Had fun the rest of the night. Called my fiance about an hour later, she picked me up. I sloppy kissed her in the parking lot.

Next day new girl was trying to tell everyone that I hit on her all night. Every person that was there disputed this. They all said I never even spoke to her. Didn't matter. Fired by the end of the day.

Was told by someone who I was still friends with there, that new girl was bragging about getting the "d*ke" fired.

2.) From Kikospeaking:

I got a “haha it’s ok if you’re gay as long as you don’t hit on me like I’m not homophobic it’s just weird” from my coworker where the girl got convinced I was in love with her and started being really annoying about it and was gossiping about it behind my back to our coworkers about how obvious I was about being in love with her and how I stared at her all the time and was being creepy.

This was total bullshit, I barely paid attention to her in general, especially after the whole “don’t hit on me” thing. Our coworkers would tell her she was being an ass and I wasn’t into her, and one eventually told me what she’d been saying, and so I started scheduling my shifts so I wouldn’t have to work with her.

She changed the narrative so that it was a “oh now she’s obviously heartbroken that I don’t feel the same way and is avoiding me” and one day when I was working a shift with her (I had picked up a shift for another coworker so they could go to a friend’s birthday party) before we opened, I overheard her telling the girl at take out that she wasn’t looking forward to having to work with me and get ogled.

I finally snapped and told her in front of half the staff to cut it out, because I wasn’t and had never been into her. I mentioned she wasn’t my type anyways and thought that was the end of it, but she accused me of lying and said I was obsessed with her, so I told her if anyone was obsessed, it was her because I got a text from a coworker nearly daily telling me what she’d said about me.

She later tried telling my manager that I was discriminating against her for being heterosexual. It was a mess.

3.) From Thoriel:

In the dorm my freshman year of college, one of my floormates came out to a group of us as bi. Another woman, a self proclaimed "gold star" lesbian, told her she can't be bi because bi women don't exist. When asked to explain, she said, "Bi women are just sl*ts who haven't found the right d*ck to satisfy them." And then later defended herself to the RA by saying she can't be homophobic since she's a lesbian... yeaaah.

4.) From CarboniteClarinet:

My mother told me "I accept you and all, but sin is sin. So, you being gay is the same as you murdering people and I just can't associate with that."

Ok. Thanks mom lol.

5.) From Adricssor:

My mum, 5 mins ago on the phone: "I am not being homophobic but you two (me and my partner) can't act close when visiting." She said close. She didn't say no handholding, kissing or such. "Close". Am I supposed to treat them as a stranger? All my family and neighbours have met and love my partner, who should I be pretending for?

6.) From Kajjis:

When there were last presidential elections in Finland we had a gay candidate. My mother once said "I'm not a homophobe but I will move to Sweden if (the gay canditate) gets elected. I just can't live in a country where the first lady would be a man"

(fun facts both me and my other brothers is gay)

7.) From bitemestefan:

My mother is one of those homophobes. She's okayish with gay people but god forbid one of her own children is bi, apparently it's now the worst thing in the world.

We were watching tv one time when two girls kissed, and she visibly cringed and said "ew".

Me: what's the problem? I don't see the problem.

Her: You don't see a problem with two girls kissing? Me and your dad are gonna have to have a talk with you..that's wrong

Me: 😐

Another time, I came out to just test the waters and they shut it down real quick. I told them I was joking, but it was still terrible because they were treating me like scum just for being bi. Needless to say, I hate my family.

8.) From CampeyBene:

Had a conversation with some ex-neighbours (straight couple, nice people) who both studied to become teachers, we were all the same age, around 24 back then. We often met for drinks and it was fun, at some point I mentioned something that gave away I was gay (something like "I texted with a guy" or something) and I actually assumed they knew, but the girl asked "oh you're gay?" and she didn't seem shocked just curious. And it wasn't a big deal and we kept talking and they seemed very cool and suddenly she asked "but when did you decide to become gay?" and I thought she was joking. But she was dead serious. I tried to explain that that's not really a thing but she insisted that it's a choice and reversible. I was kinda in shock and we stopped hanging out then. Was weird.

9.) From harmie10001:

I had a friend tell me that I wasn't bi, I just hadn't met the right guy. I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, and I'm still bi. I no longer talk to that friend

10.) From bitch_im_a_lion:

My parents purporting to be super supportive of me coming out as bisexual, but the first time I brought a boyfriend over (I'd only brought girls home previously) my dad wouldn't stop glaring at him and only responded in short sentences toward him. My mom made dinner for the family and my dad stood up in the middle of my boyfriend talking about himself and took his plate to the garage. I went in after him and asked him what his problem was and he said he thought I was pretending because after I came out I only had girls over and he wasn't ready to see me with a boy.

On the flip side when I came out to one of my friends they were also super supportive until I got a new girlfriend and they accused me of lying about my sexuality for attention. "Why would you come out and make a big deal if you're just gonna have straight relationships? Are you really bi or what because I've never seen you with a guy."

11.) From circeskelter:

My “psychology” teacher in high school (mostly she just showed us the movie Sibyll) was told that I was an out lesbian and said, totally seriously, “huh. I thought only ugly girls went lesbian.” She said this to my high school English teacher who was the only out gay faculty member at the time. He told me later and we had a laugh about how much homophobes suck

12.) From MsBrainless:

Coworker said "I have nothing against gay people but the worst thing that could happen to me is if my son came out as gay".

There are so many terrible things that could happen to your child, but you're worried about him being gay? I honestly feel sad for this child.

13.) From vfvqx:

One day, I went to a coffee shop with my girlfriend and an old lady came to our table and said "Could you two please stop holding hands? I'm not against it, I just think that it is awkward to show things like those in public and It's making me and my grandchild really uncomfortable..".

She was in the opposite corner of the café sitting with her granddaughter. The little kid was smiling at us with an really comforting smile...

We continued to hold hands and the little kid came to us and asked if she could take some gummie bears (we brought them because my girlfriend was having some problems digesting food and the gummie bears helped her digesting things).

We ended up giving her the whole bag because we had 1 more in our backpack. The lady looked at us one last time from top to bottom and left the shop with the kid. The kid waved at us before leaving. Such an amazing kid...

14.) From KamehameHanSolo:

My (ex)best friend and I were watching some video and there was this really effeminate guy in it.

He says to me, "God, don't you just wanna punch that guy in the face?"

So I say, "Why?"

He says, "Because he's so fucking gay."

I say, "Dan, did you forget that I'm gay?"

He says, "No, I don't care that you're gay. You're one of the good ones."

That was an eye opening day in several ways.

In many places, masks are mandatory, so you as well make it your own.

There's a mask for every fashion and fandom, and there can also be a mask for every face. People order custom-made masks with photos of their face on them to try and achieve a realistic look. Try being the most important word.

Twitter user @CameronMattis kicked off the thread with a hilarious selfie of his custom mask and let's say it has some............heightened features.

1. The selfie that started it all.

2. Deb's got a beautiful smile.

3. Philtrum of the future.

4. Looking sharp.

5. Hitting the right skin tone.

6. The permanent smirk.

7. Quirky and quilted.

8. The mask is also the reaction to the mask.

9. The couple that masks together...

10. Only slightly warped.

11. Her dentist must be proud.

12. Nice sideburns.

13. The new duck face.

14. The nose knows.

15. Lips even more enlarged than with Kylie Jenner's lip kit.

Giving birth to a child is one of the most painful experiences any human being can survive, so understandably, women are bound to lose their verbal inhibitions while in the middle of labor.

A combination of immense physical pain, delirium from sleep-deprivation, and very strong pain drugs can result in some intense shout-outs from new mothers. And truly, who among us wouldn't scream colorful non-sequiturs if we were pushing a full human being out of our body?!

In a popular Reddit thread, doctors, nurses, and mothers shared the funniest things yelled out during childbirth, and it's truly a journey.

1. From jpuckey:

When my brother was born, they had to use forceps to get him out. My mom saw them and screamed "THOSE ARE SALAD TONGS! YOU ARE NOT PUTTING ANY GODD*MN KITCHENWARE IN THERE!"

2. From im_a_sheep_ama:

My mothers labour was extremely short, I was born within an hour. So that means that she went from experiencing minimal pain, to extreme pain with little time to adjust.

When my dad was driving her to the hospital, he unfortunately had to stop for gas. He went into pay, and just then an elderly man in a wheelchair stopped him, asking him to buy cigarettes for him as the store was not wheelchair accessible.

My mom then proceeded to lean out the window, yelling "DON'T HELP THE CRIPPLE."

We have never let her forget that one.

3. From DONT_PM_ME_NUDEZ:

I'm white, Irish ancestry so I had red hair when I was a child, and my wife is black. Her sister was also in the delivery room. When the baby crowned her sister told her she could see the baby's hair. My wife who can barely breathe blurted out, "The hair isn't red is it?!" Apparently she was terrified the baby would be black with red hair.

4. From Ash_ash:

My roommate and I just finished our labor and delivery rotation in July.

During one of the births she was helping out in, the mom and the dad were separated but still good friends. So while this woman is pushing out her baby she begins to half tell/half scream that my roommate should date her ex/the baby daddy. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: You should really....(screams in pain)....go out with....(Screams again) him sometime. He's really fun.

Dad: I wouldn't mind some drinks sometime, what are you doing this evening?

No, she did not go out with him.

5. From marunga:

Paramedic here: Delivered a baby for a lady who did not realize she was pregnant and called us for 'abdominal pain'
Patient: 'You are an idiot! I am not f*cking pregnant'
Me: 'Well, I can see a head crowning'
Patient: That must be a f*cking tumor!

The tumor was a healthy baby girl. Mom was totally sweet afterwards btw.

6. From baconated:

When my sister was in labor, she was screaming and our mom was trying to be comforting: "It'll be OK. Take some deep breaths. It'll be over soon."

Then my sister looks up at our mom and says "You have no idea what this is like."

7. From jinx614:

Patient fully dilated, started pushing, then changed her mind. "I don't wanna do this, I'm going the f*ck home." And then tried to get off the table.

8. From nomofica:

EMT who did a birth on the side of the road. Woman shouted "f*ck me!" during a contraction and the husband casually replied "that's how we got into this mess, dammit!".

I had a very hard time containing myself.

9. From eternal_wait:

I am not an obgyn but I was questioning a patient in the ER about some other health problem, she wasn't carrying at that time. When I got to the part about the gynecological history I asked how many kids did she have and how were they born. She had two kids and were both born with C-section. I should clarify that this was in Spain and the patient was gypsy, now gypsies are not usually well educated and women often marry young and don't finish school, they also talk weird.

Now, the lady told me she had 2 kids and 2 c-sections and I asked her why she had to deliver by c-section she said because the first kid was a "come coño". Well, this can be translated as "p*ssy eater." This lady was convinced that her first child was going to eat her pussy and had to be taken out before he did. You can imagine my surprise.

At first I didn't understand and left the room after the questioning still puzzled. I went and started digging in her file and found out that the c-section had to be done because after she broke water the doctors noticed the amniotic fluid was filled with baby sh*t, usually when a baby shits in-utero, it is a sign that the baby is suffering and has to come out quick, that was why she had a c-section. Now here is why it is funny:

1. In-utero baby shit is called meconio.

2. The doctors probably told this lady that she had to get a c-section because the baby comes with meconio

3. Comes with meconio = "viene con meconio" in spanish.

4. "Viene con meconio" sounds a lot like "viene comecoño" (p*ssy eater)

5. Imagine being told your whole life that your mom had to get a c-section because you were going to eat her p*ssy when you actually almost died at childbirth.

I know it must not be that funny in English but I did my best translating it and hope some of you see how funny it was for me.

10. From Parkertron:

One lady was too posh to swear when in pain from contractions, she just said "jeepers creepers."

11. From leftoverpieceofcake:

When I was born, my dad didn't know that babies are usually born face down, and as I was coming out he screams "OH MY GOD SHE DOESN'T HAVE A FACE."

12. From AmeliaPondPandorica:

I was high on meds at the time, I was begging for BBQ ribs in between contractions. "C'mon, honey! The nurses will never know!" They were standing right there.

13. From Tchrspest:

Apparently, when my aunt was giving birth, she was all jokes. Very angry jokes, but jokes none-the-less.

KNOCK-KNOCK! WHO'S THERE?! THE BABY! NOT YET!

14. From Gfy_ADOOM:

Not a doctor, but a father. When my first child was born his head was kind of misshapen, and when the doctor lifted him up to show my wife she yelled "why the f*ck does he look like a raptor?" I lost it.

15. From dj88masterchief:

My dad has told me they thought I was a girl all the way up to birth. I came out as a c-section and the doctor goes "huh, this ones got extra equipment."

16. From FalstaffsMind:

My wife told me, in a satanic voice, to "get better ice chips, these suck!". I am not sure what the quality issue was, but I ran and got her a different cup full.

17. From Fezzin:

I'm a nurse, but I'm also a mom. My husband told me when I was breathing the laughing gas I screamed "I'm lady Darth Vader!" as I was pushing. Then I asked the doctor if he felt my tonsils when he had his arm up there. These are my coworkers.

18. From The_Sargent_Sarcasm:

I'm a nurse and one of the strangest things that I've seen happen while someone is giving birth is one patient decided to tell her boyfriend that it wasn't his baby. That made the whole room silent and the boyfriend just left without saying a thing.

19. From hooterbooshooter:

During labor, about a half an hour before the god awful ripping and tearing, I was losing my shit. My older sister panicked and sort ran around the room. My mom, the birth coach, said to my sister to give me a focal point. Something to concentrate on so I didn't jump out of the nearest window. My sister lifted her shirt and shows us her boobs. Hilarity and awful pain ensued.

20. From boobsnbabies:

After a long contraction, I said quietly "I'm gonna set everyone in this room on fire." Everyone laughed, including the nurse, but I think my devoutly Christian mother-in-law started to cry.

21. From nowgetbacktowork:

Not exactly during labor but right after: I had a very bad tear during natural childbirth which meant lots of stitches. Add to that it was training day for one of the med students and it was taking a long time. A really long time.

Finally, I look down between my knees and ask,

"What the hell? Are you guys weaving a friendship bracelet down there?!"

Both doctors, the intern, and the med student burst out laughing so hard they had to stop working. Apparently there was some issue with how the intern was stitching me up & things had gotten tense. This lightened the mood quite a bit.

22. From tonkerss:

After I had my son I was pretty wasted on all the pain Meds they'd given me, I looked at my husband and said 'honey, Condoleezza Rice is out there waiting for me, tell her I can't come out to play today, I just had a baby.'

23. From FearlessEyes:

My third. I was delirious so I don't remember much (hyperventilating because I thought something was wrong. Pain was much more intense than my first two.). I get to the hospital at 11:15, have my son at 11:24. After everything is calmed down the nurses start giggling. Apparently, I had yelled at them to "TAKE OFF MY PANTS AND LOOK UP MY C*NT YOU DICKHOLES"

24. From irritablevowels:

I had a c-section and was pretty out of it. When they held up my daughter and said "here's your baby!" I responded "that's not mine, I've never seen it before in my life. Take it to lost and found."

25. From nowgetbacktowork:

First words to my son: "you better be awesome cause that f*cking hurt a lot."

26. From Mint_and_Berry:

A friends mom is a nurse. Nurse: "Have you seen the mucus plug?" Woman in labor: "Yeah, that moron went out to have a cigarette!"

27. From la_madeleine:

A young couple, mom and dad were both around 18 if I recall correctly, first baby for them both. Mom's pushing and Dad is doing this awkward jig wanting to be helpful but not really knowing how to be helpful.

At one point I say, "Okay, we can see the head now" (still awhile to go) and Dad jumps up, runs to the counter, puts on rubber gloves, and gets into football receiving position, like 10 feet away from mom's legs. We all burst out laughing and he was very embarrassed to learn that babies do not shoot out across the room to be caught like a football.

28. From twistandpoke:

When my mother was pregnant she and my dad decided to have an amnio. A stand-in doctor was there the day she found out the results, and despite Mum's instructions that she did not want to be told the sex, the doctor congratulated her on having a healthy little boy.

My mum freaked out and decided not to tell my Dad, so as not to ruin the surprise.

Fast forward to the day of my birth, I'm brought into this bright world without a penis. The doctor congratulates my mother on her little girl. My mum responds by yelling "You've got to be f*cking kidding me!".

Silence from everyone in the room. The doctor then has a serious chat with my mum about loving me even though I am a girl, etc, etc.

Turns out the amnio results were mixed up with another woman of the same name. Yeah, quite the confuzzle.

29. From YoungMouse:

When my mom was delivering me, she pulled my Dad down to her level by his shirt and said "Get the f*ck out of my face."

30. From GoThirdParty:

I have a few funny stories. I am an OBGYN resident doctor.

Lady was pushing for 2 hours and the head was finally crowning. She had like 1-2 pushes left to deliver the baby. Suddenly, "never mind I don't want to do this anymore!" People aren't in their right mind truly so rather than coddle them it is honestly best to just sternly say, "No, you're getting this baby out now, Ok? Now push!" She delivered the next push :)

Had a complete druggie try to deliver her baby with her legs together. Normally that would make it hard to deliver anyhow, but for her the baby kept coming and just delivered behind her closed legs. One of us basically threw our body under her ass to keep her from sitting on her baby's head.

While the baby is crowning, "Why??? Why do I keep doing this to my self?" (as in keep getting pregnant).

Teenager delivering her baby and the baby daddy is there who is also a teen. Pooping is common in deliveries... I'd say 30-50% of the time. Anyhow she starts pooping and gets really self-conscious and turns to her boyfriend yelling, "Don't LOOOOOOOK!"

After the baby delivers you still need to deliver the placenta. Usually not a big deal but a lot of blood and fluid comes with it often. As she pushes it out her husband's face goes white and he says, "Woah." and has to sit down as he faints.

Had an interracial couple - Mexican mother, Black dad. She had broken up with him after getting pregnant. As she is pushing (without an epidural) she yells, "God damn I hate that n*****!" Not much you can do other than ignore it.

Some times people are just damn ignorant. I had a lady come in who was >42 weeks pregnant. I'm sorry, even the most crunchy of midwives will agree it's time for that baby to come out. Anyhow the dad is all like, "what do you mean you're going to induce her to deliver? You think I'm going to let you get up on top of her and jump on her belly then reach down and pull my baby out?!" Wow, dude. Also "you keep talking about contractions! What are they?!" This was his third child. He didn't know what a contraction was. Wat da?

As I mentioned above women often poop while pushing. A lady had a massive BM which really stank up the room. She turns to her husband and mother and yells, "who the hell farted?!" That was embarrassing.

After delivery the vagina and vulva can really burn after being stretched out that much. I had a lady exclaim, "damn I could really use an ice cube on my taint!"

Often when women are still dilating while in labor we do our best to just make them as comfortable as possible, relax between contractions, and let labor dilate them. Anyhow, one couple took "relax between contractions" to mean "I'm going to do oral on my wife who has mucus, amniotic fluid, and blood oozing from her vagina right now" Ughhhh.

Usually in a c-section the father of the baby sits with the mother in the OR as we do the operation. Sometimes it's the patient's mother, too. In this case it was a young white couple where the father didn't want to be in the OR. When the baby was cut out but the patient couldn't see it yet b/c the curtain was still up, her mother who was present goes, "well, the baby isn't black!" The patient exclaims, "Mom, what the hell!?"

Some people are into doing it SUUUPER naturally. So they have fans, incense, and storm music in the background. Often they will use chanting to calm themselves. One lady would whisper, "Peace....Peace...Peace" between pushes. Anyhow as the baby was crowning and she was really feeling that ring of fire she half snaps out of her Zen character and yells, "Peace!..Peeeeeace!!! Oh f*cking Jesus it's on fire! someone put water on it!"

Those are just a few :)

You can be friends with someone for years, but never really know them until you're forced to live with them for a few days...

Everyone's true colors come out when someone gets to look behind the curtain at how you behave in your home or someone else's home. Being a good house guest usually means being clean, respectful, and offering to be helpful with household chores such as cooking or doing the dishes. There are definitely some people who take the phrase "what's mine is yours" a little too seriously and abuse the generosity of their hosts.

Then, aside from the general expectations of cleanliness or respect for the actual house, things can always get awkward with friends when discussing politics, religion, or marriage and parenting preferences. So, when a recent Reddit user turned to "Am I the As*hole?" for some advice on how to handle a particularly judgmental polyamorous house guest, people were there to help.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my friend to "keep her polyamory sh*t to herself" or leave my home?

I know it sounds bad, but context is everything.

My friend Emily is staying with my husband and I for a week. She was evicted from her apartment after an incident with her ex boyfriend, and she had just two weeks until her new lease started and nowhere to go, so she's staying on our apartment.

One of the houserules I gave her was no visitors/partners. Emily is poly, and she has 5 current partners, and when I told her none would be able to visit (as I am an asthmatic and am trying to stay safe) there was a lot of complaining. Twice she compared her experience of me not allowing a visit from her partners to homophobia, which pissed me off because I'm queer and she's straight, and that's a hell of a thing to accuse a queer person of. Well ignored her, because I feel like it's my house, my rules. In two weeks (only 5 days left!) she can resume life as normal.

Next came the "discussions" as to why monogamy is "morally wrong". These happen almost every night at dinner, when my husband and I have finished a long day of work. We are at our dinner table and have to be lectured by a houseguest as to why monogamous relationships defy nature, how they're all destined to fail in a pile of cheating and jealousy, and how much more enlightened poly is. I have no problem with poly, but I just see it as a preference, not an inherently better relationship model.

We ignored that behavior as well. She broke us last night however. For some reason I was feeling sweet(probably all the wine I had), and decided to pull out my wedding album (I know, dumb choice to make with Emily there, as I now see in retrospect). I was looking through pictures with her, and I pointed out that the ceremony pic is my favorite because it's just super cute and she says "yeah it's cute, but it's kind of a lie to promise a lifetime to someone. It's just not realistic."

Well I blew up. I told her to "keep your polyamory sh*t to yourself or find somewhere else to sleep for free." I then went to my room, slammed the door, and cried. I haven't spoken to her since.

My husband is on my side, he's been sick of the lectures from her, especially considering how often Emily texts us "SOS bad breakup, let's get drinks". I just can't take the condescension and lectures in my own home. Am I crazy? We are doing her a favor by letting her stay with us and she's even been eating the meals I cook! Am I being a rude and controlling host?

Wow, this is a lot! Here's what people had to say:

She is a guest in your home, if she cannot abide by your rules and respect you then she can find another place to crash at until she can go somewhere else. You are indeed doing her a favor and she should be grateful for that instead of complaining at every turn. - EntranceShadows

If you were saying how all poly relationships are bad and will all fail and are morally wrong, she would have been upset and rightfully so. So why is it okay when she does it to you? Also not wanting to be exposed to 5 other people during a pandemic isn't homophobic its responsible. - oneandonlycmj

She has 5 partners and none of them have a couch for her to stay on and she became homeless through an 'incident' with the ex? I'd hardly say poly life is working for her. - Timmetie

she’s being EXTREMELY rude, if she wants to and likes being poly that’s her decision but for her to lecture you on your own relationship while you’re helping her for free is the most obnoxious thing ever. Personally I’d kick her butt to the curb. - Olethros842

I get the feeling she’s banging on about it to convince HERSELF she’s made the right decision, because nobody secure in themselves would behave the way she is. - cocoaqueen

She's being rude by talking sh*t about your lifestyle, and whining about not being allowed visitors (during a global pandemic). I probably would have snapped too. - blue_soup_nazi

Your house. Your rules. You also make it very clear WHY. Instead she decided to develop a persecution complex like a teenager. She's an adult, she can go make her various life mistakes under a different roof she didn't pay for. I'd go one step further and boot her since she has such an issue with monogamy. Friends like her you don't need. - sobrokeitafunny

So, there you have it!

This friend was definitely out of line to constantly criticize monogamy while being a guest in the home of a monogamous couple. Being a guest (especially when people are gracious enough to take you in during a pandemic) requires grace and gratitude, and telling your hosts that their marriage will fail is incredibly rude. Plus, if you have five partners something must be off if not a single one of them wants to take you in. Good luck, everyone!

Most sightings of paranormal activity seem to take place at night. Maybe this is because the darkness and quiet make creepy and unexplainable things more noticeable. Or maybe nighttime is just when ghosts and otherworldly creatures like to come out and play. Whatever the reason, people who are awake when most of us are sleeping are usually the most likely to have had some kind of "paranormal" experience.

Someone on Reddit asked: "Night shifters, ever witnessed paranormal activity? If so, what was it?" These 13 people share the creepy and inexplicable things they've seen while working late hours:

1.) From tinyriver60:

I was working at a gas station at like 3 AM one night. A car pulled in to the pump, guy got out and started pumping, and then the car and dude just...vanished. I was looking right at it, and it just popped out of existence. I told my boss the next day and she turned white as a sheet. She'd seen the same thing, same exact description, same car, same pump, same guy.

2.) From Ithappens56:

I worked at a movie store in college. I was closing one night and just kind of doing a final walk through. I kept hearing what sounded like movie cases shuffling. I looked around thinking maybe someone had came in last minute although I didn't hear the bell ring for when someone enters the store. Didn't see anyone. Then I hear what sounds like a movie fall off a shelf in the kids section. I go over and there's a movie laying on the ground and I shit you not it was Casper.

3.) ​​​​​​From Psych_Riot:

I used to work at a 24hr Subway. (I know, great start to a paranormal experience story, huh?). Well one day I was doing the dishes, and my coworker was cleaning the toaster oven and bread oven. Out of nowhere, around 3:30am, we heard our door chime go off. Out of habit I say "welcome to Subway" as I turn the corner. Nobody there. Coworker gone.

I thought "Okay, maybe he hopped the counter and went for a cigarette outside" as he did from time to time. Heading back to the sink to finish the dishes, I hear the door chime again. Nobody. Checked the bathrooms. Nobody. "What...the...hell". I ignore the dishes, and stand at the front counter, eyeing the doors. Couple minutes later, my coworker comes through the back door where we get our deliveries

"Where'd you go?", I asked him, turning towards the back door area.

"To take out the trash", he replies.

Door chime. He does the same thing as me-- "Welcome to Subway", turns corner to see nobody there but this time the door was wide open. Our doors are weighted to where they'll close on their own if you let go of them. Door stayed open for a couple minutes as we stared... Then suddenly slammed.

Not a windy night, and our doors wouldn't even stay open like that on the windiest of days. Have no idea what caused this, or why it happened on that particular night, but after I got a different job I was told it never happened again.

Told my boss about the incident and we all looked at the cameras. Nobody could explain it.

4.) From bloodykermit:

I was firmly against the idea of paranormal activity prior to working in an old folks home.

You always felt watched. Always. Even when not in view of the camera. But that was the tip of the iceberg. Several times while I was working, things would fly off the walls even though it was unprovoked. I’m talking hand sanitizer containers that flew fifteen feet from the wall it was on, cups that were stationary on the counter and all of a sudden flew across the room, and clipboards that just happened to all fall off the walls at once, even though they were across the room from each other.

Nothing is as unsettling as Bill in 209. Bill lived in this room while he was a tenant. While someone was visiting, they stayed in room 209. The visitor came downstairs, said that Bill had come into his room, and said “don’t worry it’s just Bill!” while he was in the shower, and then asked who Bill was. We explained that there was no one who lived or worked there named Bill. A couple days later, the same visitor was cleaning out records for the care center, where they worked. As they were doing so, they found that a resident named Bill had lived in room 209. When they told us this story, we all heard a knock on the window and turned to look at it. As we did so, clipboards and bulletin boards flew off the wall on the opposite wall.

We’ve decided that Bill is friendly, but likes attention. He’s cool

5.) From th3_warth0g:

I work the front gate at a military installation. The night shift is super dull and quiet where I am at. For awhile I noticed this dark green old ford bronco that would roll up. When I would stand out the gate shack, the car would do a 180 and leave. This happened about 2-3 times until I finally caught the license plate before it turned. I ran the numbers to my supervisor. He asked me if I was sure. I said I'm 100% certain.

He tells me it couldn't be because the numbers led to a vehicle crash report that involved THE EXACT SAME VEHICLE and plate number to which the driver had died and the vehicle and the vehicle was totaled. That shit made me want to switch to days.

6.) From Steltianin:

I was a custodian in ICU (2 nurses and me on shift) and it pretty empty most of the time. I have 2 stories :

1. Doing my shift as i was cleaning the empty rooms. Every minute or so out of the corner of my eye the shadows move. Pretty wtf moment the first 2 times.

2. We had a brain dead patient ready for organ harvest. It was me and a nurse in the room when she froze. I ask if there is something wrong and she says "i know that's impossible but he just moved" pretty scary.

7.) From vanessaS11:

Used to work at IHOP. A cook before my time got shot and died during robbery. I would always hear someone in the kitchen such as the spatulas clanking but nobody would be in the kitchen. Once I saw black figure in the back figured it was the cook, when I went outside to the front of the restaurant, the cook was sitting outside smoking. There was no current orders either. Other coworkers experienced some stories. One of them said she felt pushed but I can’t speak on what I didn’t see.

8.) From thisbilIgates:

I worked at a 7/11. One night I kept hearing what sounded like a little girl crying, but the store was completely empty. Whenever I’d go the the area where I thought it was coming from, I’d hear it from somewhere else.

I hope somebody was messing with me but I’m not sure

9.) From djdogood:

I have two stories:

My first overnight job was as a train dispatcher in VT. The center was in a train station that was about 100 years old. Now maybe being on day 6 on the extra board made me quite, but I saw a person standing in front of the restrooms at like 4am. White guy in his 40's dressed semi-formal. Many co-workers would find items like that.

2nd instance was when I worked overnights at a mental health crisis house. It's a home like setting that a step below inpatient for mental heath issues. It also provided a place for people at risk of replapsing to stay to have support.

Anyway there was one room in the place people would get "weird vibes about." I would do a room check and get the feeling I was begin watched each time. Other night staff reported stomping upstairs, hearing voices, and sudden temperature changes in the main room. This room also had the highest rates of self-harm and "bump-up's" (sending clients to in-patient or calling police if violent).

I tried to sage and salt the room at one time, even did the bang on pots asking it to leave. It started to do more stomping when I was there. There were times there would be no clients in the house so I could sleep on the couch in between calls. I started to have alot more lucid dreams and sleep paralysis after trying to get rid of it.

What i found interesting is how many different cultures would come in and out of the house and if someone was "spiritually connected" they would pick up on the vibe something is up with the room. We had kabbalah, Santeria, new age, catholic, you name it. They all picked up that something was weird about the place.

10.) From wid89:

I’ve been in law enforcement for several years now. I serve a small, rural town. During the summer of 2015, I had one of my most unsettling experiences.

That evening my partner and I were called to investigate a potential trespasser on some residential property out in the sticks. A young girl, about fifteen or sixteen years old, had called 911 and reported that a person wearing a clown costume was loitering around her backyard. I’ll refer to her as Sara. She was extremely frightened when we arrived. Her mother had to work late that night, so Sara was home alone.

She explained that a tall person in a clown costume had repeatedly emerged from the woods in her backyard. She first saw him when she went to let her dog out. He was peering at her from behind a tree, beckoning her to come over. “I could hear him laughing,” she said. She ran inside with her pet, locked the door, and immediately called 911. She watched from a window as the clown reappeared several times from the woods, exhibiting erratic behavior.

Sara described the clown’s appearance as “really scary,” not at all like the silly, colorful characters typically seen. He had a quintessential red nose, but wore a dark-colored jumpsuit. She thought his face was painted white with dark shapes around his eyes. No hair or head accessories, according to her.

After investigating inside the home, we checked the perimeter of the house. My partner stayed behind to monitor the doors while I approached the tree line. No sooner than I shined my flash light into the woods that I heard the sounds of snapping tree limbs, as if someone was walking through the forest about twenty yards away. I called out, announcing myself as a police officer—no response, no more sounds.

Not sure who or what—if anything—we were dealing with, Bill and I did not venture into the woods. It was the middle of the night with limited visibility. I focused my attention on investigating the property for anything suspicious while Bill patrolled around the house. Nothing of interest was found.

Over the next couple of months, our department received several more calls about clown sightings. Not only did these sightings occur within a five mile radius of each other, but all of them were reported by young people. This being a small, rural town, we initially thought this was all some kind of prank/hoax orchestrated by a bunch of bored kids. These kids, however, seemed genuinely frightened upon investigation and their descriptions were consistent. We really didn’t know what to think.

No one or nothing was ever found in these cases, with the exception of one. Around sunset one evening, we received a phone call from an elderly woman I’ll call Helen. She was a sweet lady who played the organ at a church in town. Although she was devoutly religious, like the kind of person who’d quote scripture in the middle of a conversation, she meant well.

Anyways, Helen called and said that her grandson (whom she was raising) saw a clown in their yard. She was concerned and wanted the police to investigate. Her grandson was only five and getting details out of him proved difficult. In a rather matter-of-fact kind of way, Helen said, “Officer, those clowns are devil worshippers. I know it because right after my grandson saw that clown, my mother’s nutcracker—that one right there on top of the fireplace—fell and broke. I’ve been praying hard ever since.” Sure enough, her nutcracker was broken into two pieces. I did an internal eye roll and redirected the conversation.

“Let me walk outside and check things out,” I said. Helen followed behind me as we walked out the backdoor. Everything was still and quiet. I asked if there were any places on the property where someone could hide. She said there was an old, overgrown shed about a quarter of a mile behind her house. I radioed in for support, and an officer named Pete arrived soon after.

Thankfully it was a lightly wooded area so the shed was easy enough to find. It was quite dilapidated and half falling down. The door was slightly ajar. We called out but there wasn’t a response. We had flash lights in our left hands and our right hands on our weapons. The door creaked open and slowly we walked in. There was no one inside.

Besides old, rusty farm equipment, we noticed a couple of strange items scattered around the floor. The first thing we noticed was a brass cow figurine. It had what looked to be three initials etched on it, but they were hard to make out. One was possibly an M and Pete thought he saw a K. Second, we found a bible with burn marks all over it. We later learned the entire book of Leviticus had been torn out.

Helen adamantly swore she had no idea who the items belonged to or why they were in that shed. The whole thing was very overwhelming for her. We brought the items to the station but nothing ever surfaced. That was the last clown sighting. Maybe it was a series of pranks, an odd fad that came and went. Whatever the case, it all sticks out to me as something incredibly strange. I always feel uneasy whenever I think about those events.

11.) From BansheeTK:

Oh yeah. I used to work in a grocery store from 2015 to 2017.

There would be several nights where I would see shadows or apparitions out of the corner of my eye whether I was sweeping the aisle floors or cleaning the stores meat department. Would even see silhouettes of really strange shit in the meat department.

Stuff would get knocked off shelves despite not being capable of it, like a box of rice that is pushed back to where even if did fall over it would still have plenty of shelf space to catch it

Constant feeling of being watched or hearing voices when there was no one there. (especially if I worked a solo night and former coworkers who also worked alone heard the same things, would even swear they would hear us despite not being there)

Foot steps being heard coming up the stairs coming up to the employee break room even if all of us were there or if it was a solo night for any of us.

Sometimes the music that was kept on all the time and playing through the intercom system would cut out briefly as if someone was about to call or make an announcement, but all we would hear is the little ping it made, and only once did we heard something of what sounded like a woman make what sounded like a quick "Uhhh" and it quickly faded out. We rushed up to the front of the store and saw nothing, we looked all around and checked each phone even the one by the offices and service center and nothing was out of place.

12.) From Nefertam:

I work on a boys’ unit at a mental hospital. Recently my patients have been complaining about seeing ghosts in their rooms at night, claiming they’ve seen things (coloring pages and art they’ve taped up) fly off the walls, doors open and close by themselves, and a few patients have claimed to see full body apparitions. Given their age and psych status, I’d usually take their stories with a grain of salt, but actually I sort of believe them.

The hospital opened as an asylum in the mid-1800’s, and patients have definitely died there. Much of the original building is still used (including my unit), and honestly, when I walk around the halls at night, hours after the patients have fallen asleep, it legitimately does feel like someone is always watching me. I think its just a matter of time until I have my own ghostly encounter.

13.) From CjMFR:

I was working at an assisted living facility on the dementia unit. The place was originally a mansion that had burnt down . When it burnt down 2 children and their mother had perished. Now back to when I was working there when the elderly were towards the end the veil between our world and the spirit world is thinned. My one resident came out of her room hysterical she said there were 2 young children that were looking for their mother. Me fully believed her and told her I would try to help them to try and console her , I got her tucked in and calmed and trying to hide my uneasiness. I go sit in the office and then another resident says this lady keeps calling for her children and Dick was annoyed . So me extremely creeped goes to the office and calls my co worker and her and I spent the rest of the night with her

There are some experiences that don't quite add up, no matter how many times we replay them in our heads. Even when it's a mere matter of not having all the facts, the sense of mystery surrounding some stories take on a life of its own.

Plus, in some cases, there is really no clear logical explanation, and so the mysterious person we came across, or the blinding light we encountered in the road becomes a mythic memory of sorts.

People jumped on a popular Reddit thread to share the experiences they still look back on in confusion, and it runs the gamut from scary to straight-up puzzling.

1. From OP:

I was just out on my porch having a smoke and observing the neighborhood when I saw a woman two streets down who was walking casually on the sidewalk until all of a sudden she shrieked loudly and started sprinting down the street with a panicked look on her face.

I watched her run for about four seconds before she went out of view, but she seemed quite determined in whatever she was doing. It kind of bugged me that I will most likely never know what the hell sent her into overdrive like that, and it got me wondering about what other weird things people have seen, but never quite figured out.

2. From wandrngfool:

My girlfriend and I were in San Francisco by Fisherman's Wharf. A guy and girl about 16-17 years old were walked by us. They both had a long string in their hand that was attached to a book that they were dragging on the ground behind them. It looked like the same copy of the book for both of them. They were just pulling on the string and dragging the book around. Eventually, they went up some stairs with the books flopping behind them. If anyone knows why I would appreciate an explanation.

3. From Stickguy259:

Spent the night outside on a trampoline, and as is bound to happen, woke up sometime in the early morning. I didn't want to be a dick and wake my friends up at like 6 just because I was bored and couldn't fall back asleep, so I just stared up at the sky.

I was watching a plane fly by in the sky, at least I believe it was a plane, but after about 2 minutes the damndest thing happened. It just stopped, in mid-air, and stayed there. To be honest, it was too far away for me to identify it, but it had been flying to the left, leaving one of its con-trails or whatever they're called, and it just stopped.

It may have been flying towards me or perfectly in the opposite direction, which would be an acceptable explanation I suppose. But I kept watching it just hang there for about 5 minutes, and then it split off into two pieces and took off in different directions, one heading towards the ground and the other flying off to the right. I have no idea what happened, and unless this is a common thing that I'm just ill-informed about, I doubt I ever will.

4. From lolocoster:

Not my story, but the story of the Paramedic who was teaching EMT classes that I took.

He once got called as an EMT, along with police and fire crews, to the scene of a man who was going to jump off of a building in the city. The man in question is on the roof of an 8-10 story building, and everyone is set up in the street in front of the building.

The man yells "you can't stop me" and runs to the side of the building where people are not prepared (an alleyway) and jumps, feet first. He rolls out of the jump as he hits the ground, and runs away while dripping blood. Everyone was so shell shocked that by the time they started going after him, he was long gone.

5. From evility:

Last fall, I was in the kitchen making dinner when I heard, "Get down motherf*cker!" Not one to argue with that kind of suggestion, I dropped to my knees and crawled over to the window where I saw two cops, guns drawn, arresting a dude in my--fenced in--backyard. I watched the whole arrest go down, saw at least 4 cruisers, an ambulance and a firetruck on my extremely quiet street. My fence was busted open (no real damage, but definitely kicked open) but I have no idea what happened. (Other than some guy had a very bad day and I got a good "I live in the hood" story.)

6. From idlemute:

I worked at McDonalds when I was a freshman in high school, and one night an older couple came inside. The man was nondescript in his 50's. The woman, in her 50's as well, had blond dry hair that was a bit stringy. Their attire wasn't abnormal.

I was running the front counter and the drive-through at the same time. I handed the woman her food then she and, what I presume to be her husband, walked away. I began closing things up, it was almost closing time. I turned around and there was the woman again standing alone in the lobby.

"Come here," she said as she waved me closer. I got closer and closer and when I was within reach she grabbed my hand. She wasn't forceful, I was just taken by surprise. Her brow furrowed and her stare was intensely focused on my eyes.

She said my name which was followed by, "do not let them get you down. Never let them get you down." She repeated my name again and let go of my hand. All I could say was, "Okay, I won't." I had no clue what the f*ck she was talking about. After she walked away I noticed something that still creeps me out. I had forgotten to put on my name tag.

I still have no idea what she meant.

7. From Renholder86:

A few weeks ago, I did an astoundingly stupid thing: I drove a friend to a different city and drove back (about 150 km each way) without having my wallet on me. Halfway back, my gas tank hits zero and I'm forced to park in the middle of nowhere winter in Quebec. It is night, and it's cold. There are no lights, only open fields of snow for miles each way. I call a friend to come bail me out who lives about 45 KM from my marooned location and wait there patiently for more than an hour when I see a man walk mere feet away from my passenger door who makes a B-line straight into the fields, into the darkness.

I have no idea who or what he was or what he was doing in the dark, out in the middle of nowhere and most importantly, why he didn't take notice of my car.

Surreal sh*t man.

8. From elastic-craptastic:

I was 17 and had just moved to a shady area of Oakland, CA from a suburban Ct town. Some friends I had made in Berkeley dropped me off a couple blocks away from the shady motel that my sister and I were renting by the week. I had to cross a 5 or 6 lane road and take a right at the corner and cross another 5 or 6 lane road. As I am crossing the second road I see a big black dude walking towards the same corner as I am almost on an intercepting route (I hope I'm explaining this right).

Now, I'm a little white looking (5'4", 115 at the time) guy and am internally sh*tting bricks because the guy whom I'm about to walk right up to is visibly distressed and cursing and moving his arms almost in a punch swinging way, but toward the ground. He's all like "sh*t, mother f*cker, sh*t, Imma kill that b*tch, motherf*cker, sh*t"....etc.

My new friends from the area had told me it was important to not show fear or aggression in my neighborhood if I wanted to avoid trouble, so I did just that. I continued to walk at the same pace until we both reached the corner when...huge dude justs stops his rant, stares at me and says "What up little white homie?" and continued his rant as he walked away.

It was just a weird and surreal experience.

9. From iamtellingthetruth:

True story, I hesitate to even share this because there is no way anyone besides me and the people that experienced it would believe it.

I am not schizophrenic and no other major events like this have occurred since.

I was messing around with brainwave entrainment with a 42Hz frequency after I read a study about Buddhist monks brainwaves shooting up into the gamma band ~40Hz

I meditated each night for about two weeks using this cd I made using a binaural beat entrainment program at 42Hz.

Each day things got weirder. I tripped out into space and stopped meditating using the CDs but the effects didn't wear off.

Assuming things were hallucinatory other people who were babysitting me co-hallucinated. I was in a dream-like state and called my girlfriend at the time on a cell phone and she remembers the conversation, but neither of our cellphone logs showed a call actually occurred.

Other people in my family reported weird noises an occurrences waking up from dream-like states to the sound of thousands of doors opening and closing.

I made comments about the commercials on the TV being weird as sh*t, and when pointed out others noticed this too. There was a commercial or something where neo from the matrix knocked on the inside of the glass from the TV, and the noise it made sounded real. It freaked my sister out enough to turn off the TV. They still have memories of these strange occurrences.

Other weird things like the intuition the phone would ring and not to answer, I would blurt out what I was thinking and then the phone would ring. No caller ID data, no message left. This scared several people in my family.

Lots of other weird stuff happened that just make no sense, my grandmother's mailbox and grass were set on fire by someone (I was under constant supervision so it wasn't me).

The ball kept rolling off a cliff.

I began experiencing hallucinations worse than any LSD trip I've ever heard of. I started flipping through what I perceived as different layers of the multiverse each one just as real as this one. I had a different body in each layer and my awareness was moving in and out of different ones, it became hard to keep up with the different dynamics of each reality as each one different conversations were going on with the same people, different sets of occurrences.

I freaked out but tried not to outwardly show it, and just go with the flow and act cool. I started seeing many realities at once and saw my body was like a thousand armed buddha statue, intersecting an onion layered like a multiverse structure. Eventually, my awareness was split in separate worlds simultaneously a leg in one, an arm in another, different visual stimuli from different eyes, different audio feeds from different ears, the sound of massive feedback like a mic into a speaker when I tried to talk. I couldn't even get up to take a piss and wound up urinating all over myself because I could not coordinate my body parts across the different realities.

Eventually, everything coalesced back to normal but it took several weeks during which time I barely got any sleep.

None of us talk about it, it's as if it never happened.

10. From RyDeRex:

I was working a ride at an amusement park. The park had just opened and I was starting to get my first guests in line. Then I see it out of my booth window. I swear to you, it was a kid, but his eyes were completely black and he had a strange, almost evil, grin that was black as well. He was alone and walking in the queue to the entrance.

I get out of my booth and load my ride, half expecting a blind kid. However, I couldn't find him in my line. I couldn't even find a kid that looked like what I just saw. I chalked it up to the shadows playing tricks on my eyes, but to this day it still creeps me out when I think about it.

11. From Jernon:

My parents needed to go to New York once for some conference back when I was a freshman in highschool. Rather than leave my sister and I at home, they decided to bring us along, and the whole family could spend a day or two in the city.

We were walking to lunch in the middle of Manhattan, and we saw a group of people walking towards. They were all dressed alike in semi-formal clothing, some group traveling together. It wasn't at all unusual, but they seemed in a rush. They passed by us as we were crossing a street, and right as they were behind us, I heard, "HEY! JERNON! HEY, HEY, JERNON!" I turn around, and one of the guys in the group is running backwards, keeping up with his group but trying to flag me down.

He clearly recognizes me, and apparently knew my name. At this point, they were on the opposite side of the street, and cars were now making it impossible to cross back. I never found out who that was, and it has always bothered me.

12. From protargol:

I was running along a trail and a shirtless guy with a bear head is just drumming like crazy. No donation box; nothing.

13. From Iriss:

It would have been either Freshman or Sophomore year of high school. There was a large group (20+) of us kids playing Capture the Flag at a local elementary school in an upper-middle class neighborhood sometime after midnight but before sunup. A few hours into the game, when everybody was spread around the premises, I saw 3 SUVs pull into the loading dock / parking lot in the back of the school.

Next, about 10 people total got out of the cars carrying very large piñatas. What happened next, I would best describe as a combination of a Chinese fire drill and a choreographed group-dance routine, that resulted in the 3 parties exchanging their piñatas and getting back in their cars and driving away without exchanging any words.

14. From punkyjewster03:

Some friends and I went to a really rural area by my home town named Turtleskin, where there was supposedly an Indian burial ground and some giant burial hills built by Native Americans. We get there and sure enough, there are a ton of red clay dunes and dirt hills once you walk far enough back into the woods. It looked kind of industrial, however, with a few bulldozer tracks and whatnot.

On our way back we noticed some more hills off the trail. We decided to go walk over to them, I trailed behind kind of bored and ready to leave. We were each spaced about 10 feet apart just picking up sticks, trying not to step in mud, etc. when suddenly the distinct sound of a woman loudly screaming burst out of nowhere VERY close to us. It quite literally sounded like a woman was no more than a few feet from us and we walked up on her so she screamed bloody murder.

We f*cking RAN. A few of us fell and scraped our knees and shins, I think I still have a scar. We jumped in the car, drove off extremely fast and made sure we all heard what we thought we each heard.

F*cking insane. I theorized it was a bobcat as I've heard them scream like that before and they are kind of common in Mississippi where we were.

15. From NotSoFatThrowAway:

One time I was driving to a friend's house late at night, somewhere from 11pm-1am, not sure this many years later. Anyways, I'm going down this road, and all of a sudden I see this BRIGHT flash of light, streak across the corner of my eye, and hit my front bumper on the right side.

Immediately, my heart started racing, WTF is going through my head, what the f*cking f*ck was that? It was the brightest thing I'd ever seen, so I immediately pulled over to inspect the damage. I get out, look at my white car, not a scratch...no dents, marks, abrasions, nothing. I look in the road, nothing. There was nothing anywhere around.

I eventually got in my car, drove to his house, and told him that I think a meteorite just hit my car. They never believed me. =[

Maybe it was an angel.

16. From FriendOfTheGophers:

I was on the subway with a bunch of other people. Suddenly this guy turns to a group of kids and starts shouting random gibberish. The kids freak out and run off the train; the guy follows them, shouting "four is two unless you're dead" or some such nonsense.

17. From floorplanner:

In about '92 or '93 I was at my boyfriend's apt. While he was at wor, I started to hear these cries that sounded like a small child crying. The sound was coming from outside so I went to the large window at the end of the hallway to see what I could see. After a few seconds, I saw a chicken walking as fast as it could up the alley behind the apt. building - it was making the crying noise I heard.

A few more seconds went by and a medium-sized dog loped into view. It tried to grab the chicken in its mouth; the chicken flapped and squawked trying to get away. The dog eventually succeeded and trotted off from whence it came with the chicken in its mouth. It was illegal in this town to keep livestock in the city limits and I was very familiar with the ins and outs of this neighborhood, so I have no idea where that chicken came from.

Also, there was a time when the spouse and I were walking down the street in the city where we currently live when a large, black car stopped in the middle of the busy street. Several black-suited men jumped out and wrestled to the ground a Hispanic man that was walking in front of us and hustled him into the back of the car and sped off.

18. From crazypantsdance:

I worked at a boat/jet ski/parasail rental place in a tourist town for a few years. One evening a few of us that didn't have to close got a case of beer and took one of the boats out to go tubing when we got off. One of the guys was on the tube and I was turned around watching him. Looking past him in the sky, I see a skydiver falling toward the earth. This was not unusual, as the local airport had a sky diving business.

The unusual part was that the skydiver was falling far too fast and his parachute was above him, but appeared tangled and not opened completely. Two of the other guys I was with noticed too, but the rest didn't. We speculated for a few minutes about what we saw and whether or not the guy could've survived the fall and if we should go looking for a body in the bay. Then we saw another skydiver slowly floating down in the sky with a very different looking open chute.

That guy just probably helplessly watched his friend die. Went home that night and there was nothing about it in the news. Kept checking the local papers for a few days, nothing was ever mentioned.

19. From pushpawed:

This happened a few years ago in college, when I was living alone in a one-bedroom apartment. My boyfriend had stayed over, and we woke up abruptly, around 3 am. Confused, we kind of half mumbled to each other and fell back asleep. Then, we heard a crash from the living room.

Panicked, I sent him to check it out while I dug around for some mace I kept by my bed. I could see him through the bedroom door as he flicked on a light and asked, "What the f*ck are you doing?" Walking out to the living room, mace clutched to my chest, I see this tall blonde woman sporting a Canadian tuxedo. She's obviously drunk, picking up things from my shelves and throwing them around my apartment. "You ask her, SHE knows. SHE KNOWS WHY I'M HERE."

My boyfriend looks at me, I shrug my shoulders. "Lady, I have nooo clue who you are." Drunken banter continues, she starts holding her fist in the air screaming at me that my last name should have been McBane, and repeating that I know why she's here. Eventually, we force her outside, she crawls back through the bushes and tries to get in again. We call the cops, they come and write up a report. Never knew what the f*ck it was about.

20. From ThiZ:

Middle of a thunderstorm at night, 1996. My sister and I were in her room, third story of the house watching lighting when we see this white guy (literally, he looked like he was wearing all white clothes) come up from the ditch on other side of the road, cross it, and then start running towards our house.

He had about two acres to cross from where he jumped the fence, and we could only see him well when the lightning flashed. At one point he went down, and DIDN'T COME UP. We watched for a few minutes, nothing. We told our mom, but she thought we were telling ghost stories. To this day I have no idea where that guy came from or where he went.

There's more to making a savage insult than just being mean.

A burn should have a distinct point of view. It should be clever. It should articulate something that everyone is feeling but haven't found the words yet to say. These insults are so funny and specific that even if they were directed at you, you couldn't help but laugh.

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"WTF"

-Everyone, all of 2020

What the freak is happening? That's a question I've been asking myself daily for months. Anyone who's living through this incredibly bad year will giggle at these hilariously accurate memes. I think we can all agree we need to laugh now more than ever. Hurry up and get here, 2021.

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"I make jokes because humor is the greatest healing factor that there is."

-Dick Dale

Sometimes you just need to laugh! This list is full of dumb puns, dad jokes, and wacky memes that will make you giggle and groan. If you're feeling down today this is just the thing to snap you out of it. These silly jokes are so bad, they're good.

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"A good laugh is sunshine in the house."

-William Makepeace Thackeray

Your house is about to be bright AF, cause this list is packed with memes guaranteed to give you some good laughs. Grab your sunglasses and get ready to giggle.

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There are a lot of conflicting opinions about the infamous "Gender Reveal Party" trend out there, but regardless of what you think of them, we can probably all agree that it's not ideal to watch the father-to-be storm out of the party after seeing the result...

While the classic response when you ask expecting parents the gender of their baby is, "we don't care about the gender, as long as the baby is healthy," it's natural for some parents to be hopeful for one result over another. Of course, gender is fluid and expecting girls to wear all pink and play with princess dolls while boys roll around in the dirt and have a blue bedroom decorated with baseball bats is very outdated, the tradition of a "Gender Reveal Party" remains. Slipping a bakery the verdict and cutting into a pink or blue cake, setting off blue or pink fireworks or fog, or even getting too creative and lighting landscapes on fire that end in disaster are all popular techniques.

Still, getting your hopes up too high to see blue frosting or pink smoke is never a good idea, and it is usually best to just trust that you'll be a loving and supportive parent regardless or the gender your child identifies with. So, when a dad consulted the internet's moral compass, "Am I the As*hole?" for advice on how to deal with his disappointment, people were there to issue a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole?) for walking out of a gender reveal party?

My wife (34) and I (33) are having our second child. We have a daughter (5).

She’s been grouchy her whole pregnancy so her sister offered to plan her a gender reveal party.

The plan was that all the food and decorations would be blue or pink and in the end we’d get one of those special sparklers that would light up in either blue or pink to reveal the gender.

We went to the doctor and got her to write the result in a folded piece of paper that we passed over to her sister without looking.

So flash forward to the day of the party and the moment of truth comes and the sparkler turns out to be pink for a girl.

I don’t know what came over me but all I felt at that moment was very bitter disappointment. To be honest, all I was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. Or watch him go on Boy Scouts camping trips.

I know my daughter is only five, but I’ve already started to deal with the dramas of being a father of a girl and the thought of having to double up now on the neuroticism was harrowing.

I grew up in a house with three older boys and one younger sister and I can’t imagine seeing myself be outnumbered.

My wife grabbed my arm as people were approaching us to say their congratulations and said I needed to look happier. At that moment I just snapped. I shook my head and walked out to my car ( we came separately) and drove to my sister’s (21F) house.

I start getting texts from my sister in law and my wife saying “ way to reenact” their dad leaving their mom when they were 10 and 12.

I felt like that accusation was unfair and that I just needed some time alone. I didn’t ask to be flabbergasted- it just happened. And I don’t think it’s fair that they would have demanded I smile and nod for the next couple of hours.

AITA (Am I the As*hole?)

People were definitely ready to chime in on this one:

YTA ( You're the As*hole)

I was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. Or watch him go on Boy Scouts camping trips.

No one is stopping you from tossing a ball with your daughter, or from camping with them, or encouraging them to participate in sports. You are the one stopping them from this. - ccnnvaweueurf

YTA and a ridiculous sexist. The "neuroticism" you're experiencing from your 5 year old? Are you kidding? Get over yourself. As hard as your life is being a girl dad, being an actual girl is much harder. Mostly due to men like you

You're afraid of being outnumbered? Maybe try learning to respect women and girls so you don't have to be afraid of them.

You need therapy. - mandilew

Do you think you can’t toss a ball around with your daughter? - Dbbl_Vision

You’re welcoming a new child into the world, and already disappointed in this child for something she can’t control. - tnannie

Hoping for a boy is one thing. Literally walking out on your wife for a gender reveal party is another. You were extremely unsupportive and if you're that upset that you're having another daughter, then you shouldn't have had another child in the first place. Disgusting. - alalal982

YTA. And from what I can read, a misogynist too. “Double up on the neuroticism”. Really? Also, you do realize girls can also play little league and “toss a ball around” with you? And can also join the scouts? Dude. Grow up. - valleke5400

If you hate women this much, you shouldn't be allowed to be around them let alone raise them. I feel awful for your wife and your daughters. - miss_spellman

So, there you have it!

Not a single internet stranger was on the side of this disappointed dad, and rightfully so. If he wasn't prepared to raise another daughter, he probably should've taken a long look at his parenting skills and reevaluated what it means to be a good dad. Storming out of a gender reveal party because the result wasn't what you hoped for is so wildly immature and he his wife deserves a sincere apology. Good luck, everyone!

Your favorite movie characters are total a**holes.

Twitter user Tim Byrne challenged the internet to describe their favorite movies as "Am I The A**hole?" posts, where people get to chime in on strangers' petty arguments and moral quandaries.

It's a fun game to guess the movies, so put the answers below each tweet. How many were you able to recognize?

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Answer: Ferris Bueller's Day Off

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Answer: Twelve Angry Men

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Answer: The Parent Trap

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Answer: Heathers

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Answer: While You Were Sleeping

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Answer: Indiana Jones

7.

Answer: Arrival

8.

Answer: Face/Off

9.

Answer: Moulin Rouge!

10.

Answer: Get Out

11.

Answer: Good Will Hunting

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Answer: Jurassic Park

13.

Answer: The Sound of Music

14.

Answer: Star Wars

15.

Answer: Clueless

16.

Answer: You've Got Mail

17.

Answer: The Prince of Egypt

18.

Answer: Gone Girl

We've all said things that don't necessarily reflect our overall intellect...

Whether you want to blame it on exhaustion, alcohol, or the overall chaos that is 2020, when a friend of family member says something truly so dumb, it can be pretty hilarious. Shout out to my friends from high school who will never let me live down the day I suggested that my friend just photocopy my jacket after she left hers at a restaurant. To be fair, there are 3D printers now, it's not that crazy!

If you relish in every ridiculously strange and completely inaccurate fact you've heard someone confidently express, please enjoy this list. When a recent Reddit user asked, "What's the dumbest thing you've ever heard someone say?" people were ready to share the objectively stupid things they'll never forget...

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My sister panicked whilst on a plane and asked if she could open a window as she was feeling really hot - the guy in the seats across from her lost it, it made his day - emilylov98

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My mom frantically called me one day and said she had seen a piece of the sun fall off while taking a picture of the sky. She was incredibly adamant that it was indeed real and that the picture would prove it

It was just a glare - metaknight95

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In 8th grade this girl, dead serious, asked, “how did people breathe before there was electricity?” - acatherinee

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Buddy of mine was very drunk one night and asked me "where does the moon go during the daytime" - generallyunconscious

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Friend shared that he thought women were like chickens, one day a month we would sit on a toilet all day and lay an egg - ifix-incd

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"Was ww2 the cold one or the Asian one" - -nope1010

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When I was like 13 I told my friend that there was such a thing as a Liger. They had successfully mated a lion and a tiger. His response “you idiot, tigers ARE female lions” - Waffle_Ambassador

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You have vertigo? Isn’t vertigo that place where the planes get lost? - Mawyjello

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It’s not cheating if you don’t love the person - Sissonater

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That chickens have no brains. Not that they are stupid. That a chicken literally does not have a brain. - blakingpowder

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Blue Fire is cold - TooMuchBreathing

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the time my coworker thought willy Wonka was a real person and wondered how much money he was making on Nerds and Gobstoppers - Catezero

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I worked retail as a summer job about 17 years ago. I was putting out coffee cups with a coworker.

"Why don't they make left handed coffee cups?"

I quietly turned one of the mugs 180 degrees without saying anything.

Last I heard she was the assistant manager of that department. - CaptainAwesome06

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Was Benjamin Button based on a true story? - notsurewhatidoin

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Why don't vegans eat fish? They aren't animals. - pirolance

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Why is there a deer Xing sign it’s too dangerous for deer to cross the road - 08337Leebo

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Work at a hotel. Guest asked why there was no fourth of July parade or any fireworks in town. We were in Australia. - lavernican

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I knew a girl who said “what’s the big deal about Obama being elected president? Our first black president was Martin Luther king..” - thtguyjosh

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I’m a boy/girl twin. I’ve had so many people tell me that boy/girl twins can be identical. Idiots. - rainiejain2

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I don't believe in evolution cause if we did evolve then why aren't we still evolving? - SnowPaw850

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Dinosaurs were around at the same time as the pyramids - vitomarkito

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A high school student asked if Obama was president of the world. - CarolBaskinsOfficial

Watching small children mess up basic language and counting can be adorable from an adult's perspective, but cooing over their mistakes instead of helping them along can ultimately hurt a child's development.

Children deserve grace, encouragement, and good humor while in their state of non-stop learning, it's frustrating and overwhelming to be a small child constantly absorbing new information. But there's a big difference between giving a child space to make mistakes in the learning process, and completely neglecting to guide or teach them along the way.

On the other hand, there is a modern obsession with pumping children with academics at younger and younger ages. This has caused a surge in parental anxiety over the "performance" of kids as young as five and has fueled neuroses around how fast children are learning, even when they're just getting the hang of existing outside the womb.

In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for calling her brother out for not teaching his niece.

AITA for telling my brother that my niece not knowing things isn’t cute?

OP is a preschool teacher, and wrote that she's noticed her four-year-old niece is struggling to learn her letters and numbers.

I am a preschool teacher. My niece (4) has really struggled to learn her letters and numbers mostly because my brother and SIL think it’s the school’s responsibility. I try to teach her when I see her but I have explained she needs to be ready for kindergarten next year. Most of my class knows their ABCs, can count up to a certain number, etc.

She wrote that her niece is behind the children she teaches, and she largely attributes it to the fact that her brother and sister-in-law think it's solely the school's responsibility.

Niece has no diagnosed learning disabilities and when I teach her, she’s attentive and wants to learn. It just doesn’t stick because I don’t see her often and brother and SIL do f*ck all.

OP has noticed that her brother thinks it's cute when his daughter gets things wrong, and rarely takes the moment to correct or teach her.

My brother and SIL also think it’s “cute” when she miscounts when playing a game or when she gets a letter wrong. I don’t play along and redirect her to learn.

Whenever OP is around, she intentionally takes time to teach her niece - and she's noticed her niece is super receptive and doesn't seem to have any learning disabilities, which just confirms OP's suspicions that her brother is neglectful.

I recently told my brother (again) that he needs to get on top of teaching her. He shrugged me off. I said her not knowing things wasn’t “cute” and that her charm won’t carry her in life. This offended him and he told me that I was insulting his child. I said no, it’s not her fault. It’s on him.

When she recently confronted her brother about this, he got offended and thought OP was insulting her niece.

Now, they're not on speaking terms and OP's mom thinks she should apologize.

Now we’re not speaking. My mom says I should apologize. I don’t think so. AITA?

Myrania wrote that OP is completely in the right, and that her niece needs intervention before this affects her learning long-term.

NTA, this is a form of neglect which she will have a disadvantage because of for the rest of her life.

RedBullMetal suggested Sesame Street as a quick and easy way for OP's brother and sister-in-law to implement education at home.

NTA. Teacher here: Two important factors are 1) Is the kid watching Sesame Street during the day and 2) Is the parent even trying to sing the Alphabet with them? The biggest factor for a child's growth is that the parents are trying SOMETHING to show an interest in their kid. His "Let the school handle it" is starting his kid off at a disadvantage. Tell him AT LEAST to have the kid watch Sesame Street.

Eleicus completely agrees with OP, and thinks it's BS for her brother to pass off his struggling daughter as "cute" instead of helping her.

NTA.

He’s not giving his child what she needs for her development and education.

Obviously it’s preschool and it’s not life or death but why would you opt to have your child so far behind their cohort by putting them at a disadvantage. For such a selfish and lazy reason as well.

Also, it’s bullsh*t he’s doing it because it’s cute. You know what‘s cute? Teaching kids really big words and watching a tiny person use them at a pretend tea party. Not a literal four-year-old having trouble learning one to ten.

throwaway93746anv thinks OP is over-reacting and firmly believes children learn when they're ready.

Teacher here: soft YTA. Your intentions are good, but I personally feel (which will be unpopular with some due to the super-intensive American learning culture) that no kid will “fall behind” from preschool. If a child is being exposed to positive and correct learning in school, he/she will learn when ready. I’ve seen this over and over, and I hate when parents try to force learning on super young kids. Just because they don’t go by your methodology doesn’t make them wrong, and she is their kid.

CrazyWar6 thinks it's wild that OP is so concerned when her niece is still only four.

Yes, YTA

She's FOUR. 4. Single-digit there.

I get everyone these days wants four-year-olds to have an understanding of etiquette to rival the Queen, build spaceships in their spare time, and have that pesky world hunger situation figured out, but most four-year-olds are pretty happy just laughing with their parents. At that age, the most important thing is to foster children's imagination, the willingness to keep going even if it's hard, and a love of exploring and taking things in.

You know what my kids were doing when they were 4. Eating sand (not a lot, I do have enough brain cells to know that isn't a proper diet, but when you are on a beach and a kid wants to put their fingers in their mouth, some of it is inevitable.)

You know where my kids are now? In the advanced programs, which is the equivalent of skipping one or two grades. They do science experiments and write-ups for fun. If they have a question about how something works, they go on a learning bender and come up after a week to tell me all about it. Pretty sure one was talking to me about nuclear fusion the other day, but it all kind of went over my head... still, rock on for them.

I think your heart is in the right place, and as long as your niece enjoys your lessons during your time with her, no harm, but you are way out of line by insulting their child and insinuating they are effed up parents for their more relaxed stance.

minosandmedusa truly doesn't see the big deal.

I feel like I'm crazy. My 5-year-old happens to be great with letters and numbers, but every child develops at different times, and 4 years old is no time to freak out about not knowing your letters and numbers. YTA.

Clearly, the internet is as divided on this as OP and her brother are.

Another week of 2020, another round of hilarious and brutally honest tweets from parents finding humor in the madness. Give them your laughter. They need it.

Here are 31 of the funniest tweets from parents from this past week of July:

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If you're reading this, it means that you learned how to read, and can confidently say that you learned at least one thing in school.

While its tough to recall all the facts and figures that were part of your education, there are moments in the classroom that stay with students forever: the moments when the teacher completely, utterly loses their sh*t.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the worst thing they ever heard a teacher say, and they range from solid roasts to some casual mocking of a student's dead dad.

1. Ya burnt.

She read out my name and looks at me and says , “Your parents named you this?” -mylifeasblu

2. It's an occupational hazard.

I had an art teacher that got caught drinking. Apparently someone from the previous period told on her. The vice principal came into our class and told her to come with him. We all heard her yell "they drove me to drink" from the hallway. -49Gold

3. TMI.

7th grade math teacher heard heard some 9th graders saying that he probably never gets any. Proceeded to explain to his 7th class that he f*cks his 10 years younger wife a lot and that they are in an open polyamorous relationship. -stolenkar

4. It's Adam and Eve, not Atom and Eve.

In fourth grade I got in trouble for telling the teacher that molecules weren’t the smallest kind of matter. She refused to believe in atoms and quarks. She laughed and said quarks are for bottles and Adam is a person’s name.

Ten year old me was so upset I couldn’t remember the other things like electrons and protons, only the ones that sounded like other words. -zaqwsx82211

5. The teacher was the roadkill all along.

There was a story about a kid who got run over when he was little and survived. His mates all called him 'roadkill'. He was off sick and when he came back the teacher said "Roadkill is back!" His mother went mad and he got the sack. (Note to new teachers: the kids are not your friend.) -Friendofdestaat

6. Sexism should be dead already.

'I don't know why there are so many girls in this class. You're supposed to be married and have children already.'-11th grade advanced physics teacher -CichaelMlifford

7. Those who can't do anger management, teach anger management.

I go to a anger management school sometimes the teachers lose it they once said “SHUT THE F*CK UP THIS IS WHY TEACHERS GIVE YOU C*NTS WORK SHEETS." -IfinnanutonYoGut

8. How very encouraging.

I was in 5th grade and there were a few students who weren't getting great test scores. So during our lesson one day she calls out some of those students and basically paints a really morbid picture of what their future would supposedly be.

She said they'd end up working at McDonald's for minimum wage, barely making enough to pay rent in a shitty apartment with no way to pay for food, electricity or anything else. -yeetgodmcnechass

9. What would it mean if they were hip with the times?

My AP bio teacher was a little behind on the times and on the first day of school called a student daddy. Safe to say everybody bust out laughing and never let her live it down. -JohnFlips2424

10. Oops.

The morning after parents night, boy in the class was talking over the lesson for the 100th time that term and the teacher says:

"Johnny! This is exactly what I was saying to your mum last night."

The class burst into laughter, the teacher went red at the implication and Johnny didn't talk over the lesson anymore. -ginger_bottle

11. A punch for a punch.

Worst thing and also best thing. History class. Kid punches the kid in front of him in the back of the head. Teacher sees this and says, "now he's gonna punch you in the head and you're all gonna sit there and watch because there's nothing you can do about it." -stuckNTX_plzsendHelp

12. You have to laugh and also cry.

The father of a class-mate died in a motorcycle accident, he went into a corner too fast and crashed into a tree.

A couple of days after the accident (which was the first day my class-mate went to school again), our physics teacher decided that it is a good moment to teach the "speed doesn't kill you, acceleration does"-lesson. With the example of a motorcycle driving into a tree. -Tschaix

13. Fake news.

During our "growing up" lesson, our teacher described sex as the following:

"The penis is injected into the vagina." -TheEgyptianConqueror

14. Why turn on the air conditioner when you could do a hate crime?

Once a girl in my Spanish class said she was boiling hot and my Spanish teacher said “so take off your hijab then." -JmoonlightD

15. How presidential.

I had a student teacher who believed in flat Earth and thought that gravity didn’t exist. Then she went on to try and teach us the next lesson in my AP Physics class... later on she claimed climate change is fake and women belonged in the kitchen. I hope she never gets her teaching license. -Infinite_Squids

16. This teacher was Team STD.

Religious teacher told us that condoms are made by Satan to tempt children to have sex. -idontdigdinosaurs

17. Pretty sure that's illegal.

My health teacher in high school pointed me out as having baby birthing hips! -elizwacker

If you're a millennial or gen X, it's likely you spent a formative part of your youth wandering the aisles of a Blockbuster trying to decide which VHS or DVD would become the highlight of your entire week. Sadly, the rise of streaming companies like Netflix and Amazon sank the Blockbuster business model. And all but one Blockbuster franchise, which is currently not only surviving but thriving, have been shuttered over the past decade.

Also thriving is the brilliantly witty and irreverent "The Last Blockbuster" parody account on Twitter, run by someone claiming to work at the world's last remaining Blockbuster store. The tweets are dark, hilarious, and will take you back to a better, simpler time full of VHS tapes, late fees, and stale milk duds.

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While it's easy to gaslight ourselves about intuition, our gut instincts are there for a reason.

Oftentimes, the most seemingly random intuition crops up to protect us from invisible danger, and 20/20 hindsight shows us exactly what those feelings saved us from.

In some cases, our gut is steering us from something subtle enough it's hard to quantify, but there are plenty of stories of people saving their own life because their instincts kicked in.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared times their gut saved them from danger, and it's a good reminder that our intuition is rooted in predictive knowledge.

1. From NothingFirstCreate:

There’s been a few times where I hadn’t listened to my gut but one sticks out where I did. I used to live in a smaller Minnesotan town down near some train tracks and a bike/running path that extends out of town into the woods. One evening I’m sitting outside on my porch drinking a couple of beers with my buddy. Two dudes walk up on us kind of out of nowhere and immediately something seemed off with them. It’s a college town and drunk people come up onto your porch a lot or randomly just say hello on their way to or from the bars downtown.

But these dudes had a bada*s vibe to them. I had a little black Louisville slugger lying next to me on the porch so I grabbed and just held it across my lap. One dude asks us, “You guys got an extra smoke?” Buddy says nope. The other guy comes up real close almost onto the porch and says, “Did you see my face?” I just kept looking forward but not directly at him and just said “Nah man we didn’t see anything.” He said something like “Good... lil punk a*s..” and they both walked away.

Two nights later I’m sitting in my living room with the same buddy and the local news is on. Two guys arrested for robbing and stabbing a man a couple nights back on the trail down by the train tracks next to where I live. My buddy had looked at their faces coming up and I had seen the dude clear as day that had asked for the smoke. It was those same f*cking guys.

2. From TheBigSqueak:

I woke up at 3am once sitting upright in bed. I felt on alert and my heart raced when I saw that my cat was on alert too, wide awake by my feet with his ears perked up. But I didn’t see or hear anything weird. Something didn’t feel right and I couldn’t relax. So I got up and went to the kitchen. Turned on some lights and ate food even though I wasn’t that hungry. Eventually went back to bed.

We discovered the next morning that someone had stopped while in the process of using some kind of tool to silently cut a big hole in the glass window in the living room. They were trying to break in. Right next to the bedroom. I think the lights I turned on scared them away.

Edited to add: we had 3 long years of issues with our neighbors. They repeatedly came into our property and were pissed that we put up a 9-foot fence to keep them out. This attempted break-in happened right after the fence went up and 2 days before they all moved out. Glad those pieces of sh*t are long gone.

3. From amtm032:

At age 5 I was almost abducted by strangers at the park who had a bunch of toys on a blanket and tried to lure me into their motor home. I looked back to my dad, who was talking to his friend maybe 100 yards away, I got a “tummy ache” when one of them tried to coax me by reaching for my arm to lead me away, and I screamed and ran like hell back to my dad. Years later I found out those same people had abducted other kids who weren’t so lucky. Never ignored a gut feeling since.

Thanks for all the positive feedback. And FYI trust me once my Dad got over the shock he let me have it for not only wandering off but speaking to complete strangers. I talked to my mom a bit about it today and she told me my dad broke down and blamed himself. Positive outlook on this though guys this is just one instance (scary as it may be) where my gut led me in the right direction and my instinct for danger is now uncanny. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I trusted my instincts and it kept me safe still does.

4. From deadeyeAZ:

I was riding my motorcycle with a friend on the back. We were going down a country road behind a truck hauling a bunch of old car tires when all of a sudden I decided we shouldn't be there, so I slowed way down to let the truck go ahead of us. Just as I did one of the tires fell off the truck and landed right where we would have been.

5. From The_PurpleZone:

Well, I was walking home. Wasn't late and I'm from a pretty safe area but it was that time of year when it starts to get dark really early so felt kind of ominous.

Anyway, I pass this guy in a red sweater and red tracksuit bottoms and he looks at me funny. Maybe he's high, maybe he's drunk...either way something not quite right about him.

I keep going. Look behind me, he's still there. Cross the road. He crosses with me. As soon as I turn a corner I sprint to my apartment complex and run into the coded gate and wait. He rocks up a minute later and stares at me through the gate. He just stares at me for a good 10 or so seconds then runs back the way he came.

Shivers.

6. From DYESMOD:

I'm a firefighter. We got called out to a tree fire started by fallen power lines. We pull up in the truck and I'm trusting that my driver and crew leader are doing their job and have good situational awareness.

We get out of the truck and we've parked next to a set of power lines (not fallen). It's a very windy night and I can see the lines swinging so I voice my concerns to my crew leader who says it'll be fine.

We get out hose out (risk of the tree fire catching onto a house outweighing potential risk of arcing plus the line disconnected when it fell) and I'm on the branch ready to start putting it out with 2 others near me when I get a chill. I look up see the lines swinging violently and yell "everyone fucking move". As the 3 of us sprint and dive out of the way we hear a thwip and crack and sure enough the line we were under came loose and stayed connected to the power pole. If I hadn't got that chill chances are we would have had 3 fried firies.

7. From My_Names_Jefff:

Had a friend who said we should go to this party he was invited to by a classmate of his. We ended driving out to it, we noticed the neighborhood was not too pleasant and sketchy. We saw that house had some lights on in back yard but kind of quiet for a party.

I decided that we should not go since something felt really off. Friend ended finding out the classmate that invited him got robbed and threatened when he went to party. It ended up being a fake party.

8. From ManicTypist:

I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again. It's one of many, but this one stands out.

I'm about 7, my neighbors 8 & 9 and we're at a bus stop. A guy in a stereotypical white van pulls up and asks if we've seen a dog. He doesn't describe the dog, and the truth is, dogs ran around in our neighborhood.

My mother taught me stranger danger since as long as I can remember.

So one of the boys at the stop, we'll call him Paul, Paul describes a dog and man in van is like, "that's my dog, why don't you get inside the van, we can all go look for him."

Well, I had red flags going off at this point, and said, "No, I have to ask my mother," and as soon as those words left my mouth, he peeled out.

It was only later that I realized I saved us all from child abduction, specifically Paul who was walking toward the van to get in.

Teach your kids what to do if this situation happens. Get the license plate, the guy's face, the car type, and what to do if something does happen. If I had known to snag his plates, we might have had a chance at catching him, but I only knew to "say no!".

Another time I was speeding down a hill and thought, "what if there's a deer around the corner?" So I slowed down and sure enough, there were three deer in the road. Saved my own life by a rando thought.

9. From idiedforwutnow:

Some dude gets off the bus at the same stop as me. It's about 8pm and October so it's quite dark out already. He had spoken to me on the bus, one line about nice weather.

Anyway, he gets off the bus after me. I cross the road and make a mental note of him walking the opposite way to me. I make sure to watch him walking away. Something in my gut says not to trust him.

To get to my house I have to walk up a hill with a path alongside a high stone wall. It is secluded. Usually, I listen to music as I walk. I decide not to this time.

I'm about halfway up when I get this awful feeling. I take out my phone, dial my mother's number, and as I do I hear fast steps of someone running up behind me.

I know it's the guy before I turn around and as I do he is literally running full speed towards me. I look him dead in the eyes, ready to fight for my life. As I do this, my mother answers her phone and I say 'hi mom'.

He slows right down to a light jog and says 'evening' as he jogs past me. I ask my mom to stay on the line. Her BF comes out to meet me at the top of the hill. The guy is nowhere to be seen.

He was definitely running up behind me to strike me and by turning to face him I'm certain it threw him off.

10. From Beachy5313:

Went to a college party and one of the guys made me feel very uncomfortable. He didn't ever do anything to me, but something seemed off. I kept dumping my shots because getting smashed seemed like a bad idea. I ended up taking a friend and leaving while he told us that we were being lame by not having more of the Grey Goose

He assaulted another girl at the party that night.

11. From Goldfishguru:

I worked as a Shot Girl at a pub. One night I rejected someone who attempted to get my number. Not unusual and he didn't seem that bothered. The whole exchange wasn't strange to me. In the early hours after the bar closed, I went to leave through the back door into the parking lot like usual when I saw the sensor light outside was on.

Someone was stood just outside the door. I felt uneasy so went out the front and asked one of the bouncers to walk me round the back to my car. As we rounded the corner we spotted this guy lurking outside the door holding his belt like a makeshift garotte. When he saw us he started screaming that I was a f*cking b*tch and I should die. He scampered off into the road and never came back.

12. From geopolit:

A guy dyed blue came into the motel lobby at 1am. In and of itself, not terribly unusual. Clubs get out, you see folks with body paint, foam, etc. But he just seemed "off." When he came up to the counter I took a step back. Which is why his bowie knife hit my tie and not my neck. Slammed the fire door down, called the cops. Wasn't difficult for them to find a bright blue guy (who got naked for some reason after I slammed the door) running around in the snow at 1am.

13. From mysterysciencekitten:

Posted this before...took my two babies to an in-home daycare run by a lovely woman. About nine days in, the woman’s teenage son was home when I picked up my kids. He gave me a super creepy vibe. Pulled the kids from the daycare and placed them elsewhere. Maybe 10 years later that kid murdered two people then killed his mom.

14. From ariajanecherry:

Someone came into my work that gave me the “I’m in danger” feeling. I work in a place where 60% of my customers are children and I naturally get very protective of them, but you can’t call the police because someone’s creeping you out. He kept getting close to children but not doing anything or even making them uncomfortable so there still wasn’t anything I could do. He leaves and I shrug it off. Another customer soon comes in and gives me the same feeling, so I’m thinking “I’m just anxious today” he’s talking about donkey kong and stuff, casual conversation.

Then he says “I’m best friends with Martin Bryant” (the spree killer from the 1996 port Arthur massacre, who is in solitary confinement and can’t even interact with whoever has to throw his food at him) so I’m getting a bit nervous now. Then the first creepy guy comes in, and the one I was talking to says “I know him, we went to prison together!”

So, immediately I start having a panic attack and have to end the conversation as quick as possible so I can contact the manager to say I need someone else to come into the store (I was there alone), and they immediately call the police. Turns out they were both registered sex offenders, neither were allowed anywhere near my work because it’s too close to the CBD, and they’re legally now allowed near anywhere that could have children there.

I actually recently went to court for this, waited hours to go in and he plead guilty at the very very last second. Bastard.

15. From callmebabyhoney:

When I was in middle school and around 14 years old I was returning home. I live like 5 minutes away from said school and I noticed there was a man following me. He wasn’t looking at me, he was looking at his phone and he wore a cap so I wasn’t able to see his face fully. Anyways, he gave off this weird vibe. I reached my apartment building and the guy was still behind me. I know mostly everyone who lives in my neighborhood and I couldn’t recall him.

Last moment I decided I wasn’t going to go inside the hallway, I turned around and went to a store where I waited for my mom to come. A few weeks after there were some news about an 11-year-old girl from my school who was raped in the building right behind mine 2 days after the incident. The guy they caught looked a lot like the guy who had followed me and given the time frame and the proximity there’s a high chance that it was him.

16. From leadpainter:

I stood up and had a quick Matrix-like wave (just like how the walls flex in the move). I turned to the closest person and asked for a ride to the emergency room. Honestly, it felt like a little head rush or lightheadedness that I've had a hundred times before. If I would have brushed it off as such, I would be dead. My lungs were at 30% capacity as I was drowning from fluids and had absolutely no other symptoms than the brief lightheaded feeling. Also, I had been feeling a bit down and hadn't eaten. The more I analyzed the situation I have no idea why I asked a stranger for a ride to the hospital.

17. From Stuwe:

I am a petite woman, and was 19 at the time. Had a late shift that ended at 10pm. Hit the grocery before my walk home (about 10 blocks). I’ve got arms full of groceries and notice a car drive past me in the opposite direction. Heard it pull a U-turn behind me and park. I tell myself, "probably just getting home from work too," but then I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around and it's a man in his 30s, I’d guess. He doesn’t say anything but stops walking when I stopped walking. I keep walking, bit faster now and I can hear him speed up too. I turn around again and say, ‘hey man, whatsup?’

He says nothing. I turn around and keep walking, almost at a mini-jog pace and I hear him speed up too. I was about 4 blocks away from home. The adrenaline kicked in, I dropped my bags and booked it. Made it home, told my boyfriend what was happening. As he goes outside to find the guy, dude drives by in his car. Right past my house. We call the cops, give them a description and the operator tells us they’ve had other calls about the same guy. Really hoping he never actually caught someone. Really hoping his creepy a*s wound up in jail. Really happy I listened to my gut.

18. From TuNatZer:

The first time was three weeks after getting my gall bladder out. I felt terrible, and I still had a drain in my stomach. I called my sister and said I'm afraid I'll be dead tomorrow. I went to the emergency room and turns out the surgeon had nicked my liver and I was bleeding internally. It turned into a blood blister on my liver and if it popped I would have bled to death.

The second time I had been feeling like someone was squeezing around my chest for months. I passed out one morning, went to the hospital and they found a tumor between my heart and lungs. Turned out to be cancer. A couple of surgeries and chemo and I've been in remission almost 5 years.

19. From Thr33wolfmoon:

My daughter was a year and a half at the time. She had a cold, but bedtime went off without a hitch. I woke up in the middle of the night that night, really uncomfortable and anxious. Something was off and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I got up, had a midnight snack, tried to calm my nerves. I decided to check on my kids, who shared a room, before trying to go back to sleep.

I get in there and immediately I hear a light sound coming from her crib—wheezing. It was so quiet, there was no way to hear it outside of the room. I got her up and saw that her breathing was fast and labored. I took her to the hospital, where she ended up with an overnight stay, oxygen, and nebulizer treatments because her oxygen had dipped. She was diagnosed with Reactive Airway Disease due to the cold (which triggered the asthma attack).

20. From Marshallsussmanite:

I had something like this one time in elementary school when we had a recess. It was pretty average and we left at the normal time but it just felt very off to me, but because I was 8 and didn't have common sense yet, I brushed the feeling off. Turns out that there was literally a guy that had been scoping out the playground for kids to lure to him in a stereotypical large white van.