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Mom Coupon: Redeemable for one instance of my reading a forwarded email from you.

I hope your Mother's Day is more pleasant than labor was.

There's nobody else I'd rather accidentally father a child with.

Thanks for slightly reducing your alcohol consumption while I was living inside your uterus.

Thanks for being a wonderful mother and always supporting me in every decision you ever made for me.

Happy Mother's Day, even though I pretty much raised myself.

Here's to my birth marking the last minute you ever had to yourself.

I'm sorry my gigantic head ruined your vagina.

Good for one apology along with a slightly late bouquet of Mother's Day flowers.

I already can't wait until your story about the weekend is over.

14 best backhanded compliments.

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someecards.com - You do really well with chicks for one of my uglier friends
Better way of saying "you look like you have a good personality."

That moment when a fleeting look of happiness gives way to a defeated frown... it's a thing of beauty. That's why we love the backhanded compliment. It's simple, elegant and ruthlessly efficienct. It's also the only kind of compliment we give. Below we've collected 14 of our best backhanded compliments for you to send to your friends, enemies, and random Facebook and Twitter jerks. Or you can always try your hand at crafting you own in our user card section.

See them all >>

If we were cars, I'd ride as close to your bumper as legally permissible.

Let's get back to passive-aggressively ignoring our mothers for the next 364 days.

Thanks for not letting your hangover get in the way of a wonderful Mother's Day celebration.

I hope anyone is as excited about your wedding as they are about the return of Arrested Development.

Chris Brown now hurting people's eyes without use of fists.

Congratulations on getting your master's in a field that was already pointless to have a bachelor's in.

Congratulations on earning a degree in something you don't remotely want to do with your life.

21 of the worst things to say to a college grad.

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someecards.com - Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life
The worst is yet to come.

Graduation is a time of transitions: from harmless binge drinker to serious problem drinker, from student loan recipient to student loan payer, and from being an unproductive, irresponsible student to being an unproductive, irresponsible, unemployed adult. To mark the occasion, we've selected 21 of the worst possible things you could say say to a new graduate. You should by all means send them to a new graduate. You should also share on Facebook and Twitter. Hey, you could even make your own and add to our collection.

See them all >>

34th Birthday: Congratulations on outliving the Son of God.

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