UKTV decided to use its 'Chocobatch' statue to conduct a social experiment.

You may recall that last week, we reported on Chocobatch, the life-sized Benedict Cumberbatch statue commissioned by British broadcaster UKTV to celebrate the launch of its new Drama channel. The statue contained over 500 chocolate bars, weighed in at 40 kg, and took more than 250 man hours to produce. I use the past tense because unlike the real Benedict Cumberbatch, Chocobatch is no more.

UKTV decided to use the statue for a little social experiment on the nature of temptation. They placed it in a busy shopping center, installed hidden cameras to monitor it, and waited to see what people would do. The results are conclusive: people like eating free chocolate.

The video is strangely gruesome to watch. Little kids breaking off Benedict's fingers, an old woman snatching his nose, turning him into a weird chocolate Sphinx… but perhaps the most disturbing are the people licking him. How many people do you think licked the same spot? That's just not hygienic.

I'd love to see Benedict Cumberbatch's reaction to watching this video. If I were him, I'd never stand still in a public place again. Not unless he's going for an edgy new look.

Welcome to This Week in GOOP, where even Gwyneth Paltrow's Oscar eats better than you do.

First up, we visit the Beverly Hills studio known as Striiike, owned by three sisters who comprise “the perfect beauty triumvirate"—one does hair, one does makeup, and one does brows. Together, they specialize in “editorial mini-makeovers," which is fancy-lady speak for “they'll touch up your hair and makeup if you're going out after work."

For $100, you can have their famous 15-minute Lightning Striiike, wherein all three sisters will set upon you like a super-glam NASCAR pit crew before shoving you back out onto the racetrack of life. (I'm good at metaphors, you guys.)

Or for a higher, unspecified price, the sisters will do a “day to night" transformation, which, by the look of things, turned this adorable GOOP staffer into a Jane Austen character. Aces.

Next we have Ingenious Noodle Pot Lunch Recipes. The idea here is you put a bunch of foodstuffs in a heatproof mason jar, and when you're ready to eat, you simply pour in boiling water and let it sit for a few minutes. Kind of like, as Gwynnie says, “a modern, healthy version of Cup-a-Soup."

And they look kind of gorgeous.

But upon further inspection, things get messy. For example, you'll need 13 items just to make the Curried Egg Squash Noodle Pot, including “2 tablespoons grated ginger squeezed to get 1 tablespoon ginger juice." The hell? Here's a short story about that: No.

Gwynnie also wants to help you find a perfect coat for spring that's not too heavy, but your wallet better be. Because damn. The page is split up into four little collections – the Grown-Up Bomber, the A-Line Coat, the Trench and the Utility Jacket. Some of them are gorgeous (if I had $1900 to blow on such things, I would SO do it on the Carven crepe coat), and others just seem ridic.

Like, for example, this Sacai Luck Belted Embroidered Jacket.

Almost a grand and even the model looks pissed off about wearing it. I can't blame her. I've seen Project Runway contestants create prettier things using only manila envelopes, cigarette butts and Tim Gunn's derision.

But oh, it gets worse. Behold the Monique Lhuillier Lace Bomber Jacket.

Yeah, that's pretty much a lace shell with a $2300 price tag. The description says it “works over fancier dresses and simple tanks alike" and that's a damned good thing because for $2300, trust me, Imma be wearing it a LOT. Like not just “here's Shauna going to dinner in her lace jacket" or “here's Shauna running to the store in her lace jacket," but “here's Shauna doing Zumba in her lace jacket" and “here's Shauna scooping the litter box in her lace jacket." It's all about cost per wearing, people, COST PER WEARING.

As always, Gwynnie, we're not worthy.

Their parents are probably so proud. And so, so nervous.

I'm sorry to inform you of this, but the three Mexican sisters who make up The Warning are already way more metal than you, and they're not even old enough to drive a car. 14-year-old guitarist/vocalist Daniela, 12-year-old bassist Paulina and 9-year-old drummer Alejandra all look like adorable young ladies, but from the way they shred through Metallica's 'Enter Sandman,' you just know that beneath those sweet exteriors, lie things dark and unknowable. And not just because they're teens/tweens.

They're about one-third of the way toward raising the $30K they need to attend the Berklee College of Music's summer program, though I'm not sure they need the help. Here are some of their other songs:

"Back in Black"

"Sweet Child O Mine"

Into wine and food pairings?

Beer is just as versatile. Learn which beer might be best for you based on six different wine varieties and their corresponding meat and cheese pairings.

©2015 Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, MO
Please share with friends 21 and over.

"May it please the court: Who the hell orders a salad at Pizza Hut?"

"It's not Salad Hut!"
(screengrab via Pizza Hut)

This week, a man successfully sued Pizza Hut for putting an "excessivley hard crouton" in his salad. Though ordering anything except pizza at Pizza Hut should make the case dismissible on the grounds that the plaintiff is clearly psychotic, Everett Charttman was awarded $2,400 after claiming the small piece of bread broke his dentures.

When that woman spilled McDonald's coffee on herself, she was rightfully awarded a lot of money. She injured her skin badly, and it was mostly the business at fault. But this guy becoming part of the upper crust (so to speak) all because he broke a FAKE tooth? And with a small piece of bread that can only be defined as a crouton by the fact that it's hard? Give me a break. I know we're all becoming soft people (partly because of how much dough from Pizza Hut we consume), but this was half-baked. If you really want to make some money off salad-related injuries, pretend you slipped on some spinach on the way to the bathroom. That's where the real money is.

Anyone up for a smoke sesh with Beelzebub?

So, residents of Kazakhstan reported seeing a giant black smoke ring hovering in the sky for 15 minutes this week, according to the Russian-funded network RT. It's estimated the ring was over 300 feet across and rose over 600 feet in the air. Said one resident, Oleg Menshikov, to Kazakh media "It was like a black cloud. We saw it at around 4 pm on April 3. It dissipated like smoke, but it was completely odorless." Smoke rings like this have been spotted before over England, with the dominant theory being that they come from large fireballs.

Just one more ominous sign of doom emerging from the steppes of Central Asia, following the giant holes exploding straight out of the ground in Siberia, random meteors, cheating men waking up with their balls removed, teens turning their living room into a swimming pool when their parents are out of town, and of course cats breaking into fancy grocery stores and eating $1,000 worth of seafood. I guess not all of those are "apocalyptic" but I was pretty upset by that cat eating all that fancy fish.

Why does Russian media offer such great viral videos? Probably because it's an authoritarian regime engaged in illegal aggression abroad and needs to distract everyone all the time.* Which, if you think about it for too long, makes you wonder why we produce more viral videos than anyone, but let's not think about it for too long.

*Which is why China is such a great source of stories like these: Chinese man survives car crash and is visited by 17 girlfriends in the hospital.

Even distinguished law professors make mistakes/watch porn.

Anal beadz 4 lyfe. (via zazzle)

I long for the days when the only time we had to work was while sitting in front of something called a 'work computer.' Thanks to the Internet, not only do we work all hours of the day, we also have to face the possibility of accidentally sharing our deepest darkest secrets. Or just our taste in porn.

Drexel Law professor Lisa McElroy accidentally sent her students a porn link instead of a link to an article on writing briefs. Although anal bead porn sounds far more exciting than whatever brief writing snoozefest she meant to send, unfortunately it's also grounds for dismissal.

This article is better than great. (via Above the Law)

The timestamp on the message says 5:17am on March 31st, which is insanely early to be awake and attempting to send helpful information to students. Let's hope the university takes into consideration her 24-hour-a-day job dedication when they decide whether or not to fire a teacher for a simple, albeit super-NSFW mistake.

The pornhub link is still active should you so desire to see the video for yourself. Happy copy/pasting y'all.

What else are young hot things supposed to do in the sunshine besides flatten each other in giant Indiana Jones balls?

Zorbs, as everybody knows, are giant inflatable balls you can put your body inside of. DUH. Some of them are small enough that you can run around on your legs while it covers everything from the waist up. This is perfect for Bubble Soccer, the hilarious full-contact version of soccer that mostly involves running into other people at full speed. Other Zorbs, like the ones in this video, are big enough to fit three of your hot friends inside with a selfie stick and a lot of water for some reason.

You brought a big rigid stick into an inflatable ball, because you are invincible.

Obviously, the thing to do after stuffing your sexy buddies in this ball, besides film yourselves having sex while safely falling down a mountain, is to flatten your other hot friends on an obstacle course. None of them will be injured, because that's not what happens to pretty people. Other people break arms just by falling down, but pretty people can rest assured that none of their limbs will get caught at an awkward angle as the giant ball rolls harmlessly over them because they are young and sexy and having fun.

What fucking planet do I live on?

Warning: do not watch this video if you want to enjoy eating bacon ever again.

Okay, this is probably going to make you cry: meet Bentley, the nine-month-old pot-bellied pig. He recently contracted a case of bacterial meningitis from which the veterinarian said he had only a ten-percent chance of recovering. Don't start crying yet, though. Somehow, he beat the odds, and made a mostly full recovery. Unfortunately, the ordeal left him blind. Still, hold off on those tears, because he has a person who loves him enough to visit him in the animal hospital and sing him soft and comforting lullabies to get him through the rough days. That's what's happening in the video above. Once you watch that, then you can get your crying done.

When you're all cried out, take a look at this video of Bentley a few days later, feeling much better and full of little pig kisses:

A long, long time ago...a million dollars was still too much money to spend for a piece of paper with words on it.

(screengrab via BBC News)

Today, some rich idiot bought the original lyrics to Don McLean's 'American Pie' for $1.2 million. I guess this moron has never heard of a little website called RapGenius.com. In fact, the words to every song can be found by merely Googling a few misheard lyrics. You don't need to spend any money on the process at all.

Recently, I searched "Awawwww myyy myyy [unintelligible] + indie music" and was able to find all the lyrics to my favorite Bon Iver songs, free of charge.

Some music historians will tell you that this original manuscript could help discern what McLean's long-debated lyrics are actually about, but how are you going to feel about the song then? Knowing exactly what it's about could ruin it. Leave a little mystery for us, please. I don't want this to end up like that time I found out the first draft of the Mona Lisa was actually a self-portrait of the painter Leonardo da Vinci after I spent years masturbating to it.

Driver ants kill prey as large as cows by asphyxiation—crawling in their noses and mouths until they suffocate.

What's blind, comes in a variety of sizes, has jaws big enough to tear through human skin, moves in a river-like horde of millions of related individuals, and has no thumbs? These guys, driver ants. They are the largest single-family societies on earth, and they flow over the ground of their African and Asian habitats like a carnivorous stream. The streams are all females. The first thing male driver ants (known as "sausage ants") try to do in life is escape, but if they are discovered by the females, the workers tear off the male's wings and carry him back to the nest to mate with the queen (who lays 100,000 eggs per day) before being killed.

They will also eat mayonnaise. I don't know what that's all about, but it's not a picture you see every day:

Note to self: do not bring mayo to the rainforest. Ever.

Adrian Schaffner's dog Sintha refuses to leave his side, even when he's hitting the slopes.

This video is what's great about the Swiss. While the rest of the world was getting involved in wars, they were biding their time, building quality timepieces and teaching their dogs to participate in winter sports. Sintha here is a classic Swiss Army Dog.

The video's uploader, Zurich-based Adrian Schaffner, says that Sintha was injured at just five weeks old and had trouble walking, which is when she got used to riding on people's shoulders. Now that she's all better, this makes her the fastest dog on the mountain.

One thing's for sure: you can't stay neutral while watching this cutie!

If we could set up auto-reply text messages to tell the annoying people in our lives the things they need to hear, we'd be in passive-aggressive heaven.

Now that all human interaction is conducted via text message, avoiding confrontation is easier than ever. But we say it can still get easier. Here are some ideas for auto-reply messages that we think would greatly improve our existence:

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This superfan rushed the stage to terrify Adam Levine with an embrace, and he handled it surprisingly well.

@AdamLevine handles that like a pro! Thanks @leximendieta for finding!! #AdamLevine #stayoffstageidiot #thisisntthevoice #hopeyouenjoyedthecarpark
A video posted by A Girl (@maroon5_savedme) on Apr 6, 2015 at 11:03pm PDT

Yes, a young woman did what we have all dreamed of doing: going for it. It also shows why "going for it" is a terrible idea in the middle of a concert and no celebrity will ever be happy that you "went for it." She looks so stunned as Adam Levine rejects her! They both realize they're in front of thousands of people and then Adam rescues them both, hypnotizing her with those baby blues. He demonstrates a slightly more appropriate gesture. Still pretty inappropriate for the situation, but better.

Close up view:

Wow vc Kirsten #AdamLevine #idiot #maroon5
A video posted by A Girl (@maroon5_savedme) on Apr 6, 2015 at 11:07pm PDT

After that teenage dream is FINALLY removed by security and probably escorted to the parking lot, Adam explains in the most diplomatic terms why you never, ever, ever f*cking do something like that:

Wow #AdamLevine
A video posted by A Girl (@maroon5_savedme) on Apr 6, 2015 at 11:10pm PDT

He eventually admits that it was "f*cking weird, right?"

Poor Adam way to end the tour with a cut ear #AdamLevine #maroon5 #stayoffstageidiot
A video posted by A Girl (@maroon5_savedme) on Apr 6, 2015 at 11:26pm PDT

But he still loves you, sweetheart! Never come back!

"I Really Like You" and "Head Like a Hole" get mixed together to form perfect "I Really Like a Hole."

This music video has something for everyone. The darker content of a Nine Inch Nails jam turns Carly Rae Jepsen's hit single into a much more sinister confessional than she intended. Her pop backtrack makes NIN something you would have a meet-cute to. Whatever your tastes, Vimeo user yepimthetoaster definitely created a hit we didn't expect with his editing job.

There is something pretty psycho about insisting another person admit that they like you. I can see why Trent Reznor might rather die than give Carly Rae Jepsen control. That's what this comes down to, right?

We all have our pet peeves. (via Cheezburger)

Cheating is really stupid. Cheating in the Age of Facebook is really, really stupid. Cheating on your significant other when they know your Facebook password is really, really, really, really stupid. Everyone in this list did the first two stupid things, but it's really amazing how many people put in the extra lack of effort needed to go full stupid. Hopefully you'll read this and feel good about what a decent person you are for not being a horrible person, or maybe you'll think of something creative to do to someone who's wronged you. Alternatively, you might get really freaked out and decide that now's a good time to break it off with that loser on the side and delete all your texts, calls, emails, and Facebook messages. That would be a good idea.

What kind of guy doesn't know his girlfriend's cup size? (via Chive)

Mercedes has multiple drivers.(via Lamebook)

She won't settle for just the best.(via Cheezburger)

Going from triple to single in a day is rough.(via Lamebook)

A twist worthy of M. Night.(via Cheezburger)

"My dumb wife will never catch me. She's on Facebook all day. Wait, crap!"

Wow, 870 people like that black silk nightie? This is a huge social marketing win for Target.

Our only question is what being "a bot naughty" means, and if we can do it with Siri's voice.

Isn't it nice when you can turn to real people on the Internet for answers?

There is no shaming more painful than shaming at the hands of a nice person.

Maybe Alice should sign up for Ashley Madison instead of propositioning random people.

"Skidt skidt skidt" makes the "sweat drop down my balls" lyric even more disturbing.

First: Karl, don't repost your wife's picture. Second: Looks like the most boring affair ever.

Maybe if Facebook was always this exciting, it wouldn't be losing millions of users now.

That must be a GREAT episode of Top Gear.

The mystery of the Breakup Xbox Agreement will haunt us forever.

Do people realize that we're not writing statuses as if the name is in the sentence anymore?

Sigh... we've never heard a girlfriend call even our chlamydia "virile."

Have YOU tried fucking numerous men, Randy? No? Then don't say it's not complicated.

Sam may be a tool, but he's the only one getting Liked in this whole fiasco.

That makes sense except the part where they had so much sex the kids missed school.

"You were so far away, and herpes keeps me warm. In my genitals. When I pee."

If there was ever a phone that seemed like it should be shattered, it's this guy's.

"C'mon Sable, I wasn't calling her baby, I was just talking about my baby with her!"

Is it cheating if you just have cybersex, quest with, and pretend to marry someone? Yes.

Pwah... pwahst. Pwahseetoots. Pwashteeoots. Pwashteetoots!

"Crap. I knew there was something I was supposed to do: not bang old dudes."

The supermodel claims that the video that made her a star was never meant to be seen.

When photographer Terry Richardson released this video in 2012, it turned 19-year-old Kate Upton into a star overnight. There was some combination of her string bikini, her sexy dancing, and his mustache that people couldn't resist.

But now, three years later, Upton is saying that it was never meant to be. In an interview with Vogue UK, the supermodel claims that that video was just taken for fun, and was never intended to make Richardson's final cut. He uploaded it to YouTube without her permission, and she was furious. She said to Richardson, "That was disrespectful, you could have told me!"

Her anger, though justified, was short-lived. The video was watched millions of times (22 million as of now) and led to top modeling contracts, acting work, and those beloved commercials for Game of War: Fire Age. She even tweeted this not long after the video went live:

MY“Cat Daddy"!!! directed by Terry Richardson @terry_worldhttp://t.co/UqxMtW8C haha
— Kate Upton (@KateUpton) May 1, 2012

That at least makes me feel better about uploading the video again. It seems like everything worked out for Upton. If only that were true for every woman who has a video of her uploaded to the Internet without her permission.