Social media blog Skout shares a study about the relationship between eating melted cheese and getting the business for National Grilled Cheese Day.

Mmmmmmm. Sex.(via Thinkstock)

Since everything on the planet gets a national holiday now we need more and more incentive to give a sh*t. Skout, which appears to be a cross between Tinder and your mom's food blog, recently posted the results of a survey of their users on the subject of a grilled cheese sandwich, just in time for its special day. Here are the tasty results:

(via Skout)

The Internet being what it is, most focus is on the fact that people who eat grilled cheese get more sex. Duh! If you can get down with that gooey, salty mess then you can enjoy a grilled cheese sandwich. The L.A. Times broke down the results:

The company surveyed 4,600 people and found that 73% of grilled cheese lovers have sex at least once a month, compared with 63% of those who don't love grilled cheese. And 32% of grilled cheese lovers have sex at least six times a month, compared with 27% of non-grilled cheese lovers.

So fire up your George Foreman for National Grilled Cheese Day and maybe you'll be lighting a flame in the bedroom. It'll feel so gouda.

1. No Amount Of Evidence Will Stop Bigots From Sending Money To Bigots

An Indigogo page created to support Michael T. Slager—the South Carolina police officer who was caught on tape shooting an unarmed, fleeing black man before planting a taser on his lifeless body—has managed to raise nearly $400 from 20 people in its first day of activity, despite (or, perhaps, because of) the obviousness of Slager's guilt. A similar page from deleted from GoFundMe yesterday. About three or four more will likely have popped up on various crowdsourcing sites by the time you're finished reading this post.

No wait don't shut down those fundraisers for Officer Slager, it'd be great to know the names of all the gunhappy dickjags who walk among us
— Adam Weinstein (@AdamWeinstein) April 8, 2015

2. Good News! Only Nine Percent Of U.S. Gun Owners Have A History Of Anger Issues

While you might have suspected that somewhere between 73 and 87 percent of Americans have both serious anger issues and easy access to guns, the correct percent is actually about 8.9, according to a study from Duke University. That means that more than nine out of ten people you encounter today will most likely not shoot at you for minor perceived offenses. I feel safer already!

I'm so fucking angry about guns right now that I'm thankful I don't have access to a gun.
— (maura) (@behindyourback) August 27, 2014

3. University Decides Its Adult Students Might Be Mature Enough To Decide If They'd Like To Waste Their Time On 'American Sniper'

After initially caving to the demands of a few students who objected to their fellow adults being allowed to watch American Sniper on campus, University of Michigan officials are reversing their decision and caving to demands from the public that students be allowed to attend a screening of the overrated, Oscar nominated film.

FURIOUS 7 is on track to out-gross and unseat AMERICAN SNIPER in its opening weekend. That's MY America. #vroomhttp://t.co/3OBV6ouDXS
— Joanna Robinson (@jowrotethis) April 4, 2015

4. Guy Who Can't Get Dummies To Believe He's American Trying To Get Dummies To Stop Torturing Their Gay Kids With Conversion Therapy.

President Barack Obama has put the weight of the Oval Office behind efforts to end the ineffective and dangerous so-called conversion therapies that contribute to the suicides of gay children. "We share your concern about its potentially devastating effects on the lives of transgender as well as gay, lesbian, bisexual and queer youth," reads a White House statement, "As part of our dedication to protecting America's youth, this administration supports efforts to ban the use of conversion therapy for minors." This could be a turning point for the issue, as the people who are doing this to their kids are super likely to listen to what the President has to say.

I went to a gay conversion camp because of the parties
— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) August 9, 2013

5. Scientology Leader Accused Of Doing Something That Almost Seems Cute Compared To Other Stuff He's Accused Of

David Miscavige, the head of the Church of Scientology, has been accused of paying private investigators $10K a week to follow his elderly father around and make sure he didn't divulge damaging information about the church to the media. That's probably the nicest thing he's been accused of in years.*

"Wow a lot of very stupid people do this." -me, considering Scientology And then considering literally everything else
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) April 5, 2015

* Seriously, go watch Going Clear right now.

Personal finance website nerdwallet conducted a study on the gender wage gap and found a few cities that buck the trend.

Part of the problem is that we pay people based on their arm wrestling skills.(stock photo)

According to the number crunchers at nerdwallet.com, women in the U.S. still make 79% of what men make – an average loss of about $10,000/year. That's a disgraceful figure in 2015, and one that is only slowly changing. In 2005, it was 76.6%

However, certain parts of the country are leading the charge. Nerdwallet's report also found 22 cities in the U.S. where women earn more than men on average, as much as 120%. Maybe this trend will continue until men make more in half the cities, and women make more in the other half, and then those cities can be divided into leagues which will compete at regular intervals in field day sporting events like sack races and tug of war. Anyway, that's just a thought.

Here are the cities, ranked in order of how much more women earn:

1. Inglewood, California (120.6%)
2. Trenton, New Jersey (118.2%)
3. Orlando, Florida (113.3%)
4. Albany, New York (111.3%)
5. Carson, California (109.3%)
6. Hollywood, Florida (109.0%)
7. Oakland, California (108.8%)
8. Elk Grove, California (105.9%)
9. Hayward, California (104.5%)
10. Miramar, Florida (104.1%)
11. Yakima, Washington (103.2%)
12. Birmingham, Alabama (102.3%)
13. Wilmington, North Carolina (102.2%)
14. Escondido, California (101.5%)
15. Las Cruces, New Mexico (101.1%)
16. Deltona, Florida (100.9%)
17. South Gate, California (100.8%)
18. Dallas, Texas (100.5%)
19. Richmond, California (100.3%)
20. Silver Spring, Maryland (100.3%)
21. Chattanooga, Tennessee (100.3%)
22. West Palm Beach, Florida (100.2%)

This show locked my eyes to a screen and threw away the key.

You'll never guess who's back (except you totally guessed on the first try). Here's hoping Piper does something really heinous so she can stay in jail for years to come and keep us entertained. JK, no one watches the show for Piper.

All episodes of Season 3 will be available on Friday, June 12th.

1.

Don't ever trust someone that uses Photoshop this poorly. (via Imgur)

Tinder is tough, because you want to meet new people and get dates in a convenient and easy way, but you also don't want to be murdered. It's a tricky balance, but to help you navigate through the toils and snares of deciding between a left and right swipe, here are 18 types of people on Tinder who will probably murder you. Good luck!

2.

If there's one piece of Tinder advice you should always follow, it's never trust The Lizard King. (via Imgur)

3.

You can't say you're chill and laid back while being naked and holding a gun. (via Imgur)

4.

If their picture may or may not be from The Grudge, swipe left quickly. (via Imgur)

5.

Of course he runs a sub 6-minute mile. He's a centaur. (via Imgur)

6.

Choosing a profile picture of an actual murderer is usually a big red flag as well. (via Imgur)

7.

What's he hiding under those CDs? Seems suspicious to me. (via Imgur)

8.

I want to know who took this picture and why are they not in prison? (via Imgur)

9.

Do you really want to get involved with yet another dinosaur? Of course not. (via Imgur)

10.

If their profile picture is 80% cheese puffs, you are going to be murdered. (via Imgur)

11.

If you have time to photoshop in a crotch arm, you definitely have time to murder. (via Imgur)

12.

If she's the literal devil and horns are coming out of her head, that's a surefire murder sign as well. (via Imgur)

13.

Anyone that has time to roleplay as a puppy on a dating site is 100% a serial killer. (via Imgur)

14.

Can you be TOO PERFECT? Apparently so. (via Imgur)

15.

What was in his hand before he put that cat in there? A knife? A dead body? The Sixth Sense on DVD? (via Imgur)

16.

Nice try, camel. Posing with an attractive girl isn't going to fool me again. (via Imgur)

17.

The most troubling part of this is how many shelves behind him are empty or filled with decorative babies. (via Imgur)

18.

Of course the best way to tell is if your potential match is literally murdering someone in their picture. That's always the most obvious sign. (via Imgur)

It'll take more than a little house fire to kill your Comcast bill.

"Sir, losing your walls is going to be the best thing that's happened to your wi-fi."

Jimmy Ware is a 66 year-old retired trucker living in St. Paul, Minnesota. Well, that's where his house was until it burned down on April 1st, anyway. You would think that having your home, and with it your tv, your cable box, your Internet outlets and cable jacks, go up in smoke would be a clear end to your cable contract. You would be an optimist, though, a wrong optimist. That's not even the best part, though.

See also: Comcast changed a customer's name to "A**hole" after she tried to cancel her service.

Instead of looking at their system and saying "yes, there seems to be a smoldering crater at that address, we'll stop charging that person for TV and Internet," when Ware's daughter Jessica Schmidt called Comcast, they told her they could not stop charging her father without his complete account number. A number which had gone up in flames with every other piece of paper in the house because paper fares poorly in house fire situations. We still haven't reached the best part, btw.

See also: Comcast kept this guy on hold until it closed so he couldn't cancel his service.

Ware even got on the phone with the reps themselves, despite being preoccupied with matters like being homeless as a senior citizen, and gave them the last four digits of his Social Security number...which mattered not at all. But wait, the best part of this whole ordeal?

Frustrated, Schmidt told Comcast to go repair the cable if they wouldn't stop billing them. In response, the Comcast rep said "That doesn't make sense, because the house burned down."

Said Jessica, "Exactly, shut the service off."

After days of calling Comcast, eventually the corporate office got wind of the fact that another "Comcast Tortures Its Customers" story was brewing, and reached out to Schmidt and her father. It only took them a week, so I'd say they're getting better.

See also: Man tries to cancel Comcast service, enters customer retention hell.

A Comcast rep said they understood this was a "difficult time" for Ware, and went on to say some stuff about protecting identities and how Ware had failed to properly authorize his daughter to act on his behalf in case his house turned to ash, but that they had generously refunded Ware for the week he was unable to enjoy basic cable from the embers of his house.

Just a reminder, if you want Comcast suits to jump in to correct official Comcast policies, tell the customer service reps that you're recording them back. Suddenly, the rules will change to something more closely resembling human logic (just for you, though, because your story might go viral).

She's been blonde, and now, GASP, she's a redhead!

Spicy.(via Getty)

Amy Poehler isn't really Leslie Knope. She also isn't really a blonde. Or a redhead. We don't know who Amy Poehler really is, besides a master of disguise. Also, very hilarious. Even though we've covered a number of recent hair changes, from Jared Leto to Kim Kardashian, this is the first one to really shake me. If Amy Poehler isn't blonde, Parks and Recreation is really over...

Unless this is for a spin-off about Knope's long lost redheaded twin. Yeah, she could be the head of an ad agency, or better yet, a woman who starts out as a secretary and eventually moves up to partial control of the business as a kind of metaphor for societal changes across America's evolving landscape. Hello, Hollywood? Have I got a pitch for you!

Netflix made this fake commercial to spoof Apple's new product.

Before you run off and drop $350-$17,000 on a shiny new Apple Watch, you might want to consider your other options. For example, the Netflix Watch, which just debuted in this video from the streaming service. Unlike the Apple Watch's small screen, the Netflix Watch boasts a luxurious widescreen display. Now, you never have to stop binge-watching. You can watch while driving, flying a plane, performing surgery, or disarming a bomb.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go catch up on Orange Is The New Black, Daredevil, and all the other great content they're always adding. Where will I be watching? Wherever I want. The toilet.

If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.

Speaking from personal experience as someone who feverishly inhaled George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, I can attest that watching Game of Thrones with non-readers has its advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, I get to torture my wife by casually tossing out comments that might possibly be spoilers but actually aren't (unless they actually are), and drive her insane.

On the other hand, she has no idea that Daenerys winds up marrying the King of the White Walkers, so I can't talk about how Tyrion gets eaten by one of her dragons at the White Wedding. And that's, like, the best part! It's so hard not bringing any of that up!

Remarkably un-terrible for an 'American Idol' finalist.

Radiohead's 1992 debut single "Creep" is just about as close as you can get to a perfect record. I know that it's supposedly an accidental ripoff of The Hollies' 1972 song "The Air That I Breathe," but that doesn't change anything for me. There's a reason that 23 years after its release, we still hear "Creep" all the time, and you very possibly just heard of "The Air That I Breathe" for the first time—"Creep" is transcendent.

More Postmodern Jukebox: These musicians prove Pitbull and Ke$ha sound much better as a '50s doo-wop group.

So, I wasn't expecting all that much from the slow and jazzy Postmodern Jukebox version, but I was pleasantly surprised. It's very good! Haley Reinhart does a great job was the vocals for somebody who placed third on American Idol. Usually, a dubious distinction like that would put me off completely, but she won me over. (I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear that.)

Still, though, this is the version I want played at my funeral:

Related: Let this bartender's amazing performance of Radiohead's "Creep" be the soundtrack to your Monday.

Watch women talk about what their first time getting their period was like in a new ad for underwear brand Dear Kate.

Dear Kate is a company that makes underwear specially designed to be worn while you're on your period. According to the company website, "each pair is wicking, stain releasing, and leak-resistant." They made this ad because they wanted "to make sure it's not embarrassing or shameful to experience or to talk about," founder Julie Sygiel told AdWeek.

Over 20 women appear in the video, including (full disclosure) a couple of Someecards writers—hi Sue Smith and Kristen Bartlett! Their stories range from the embarrassing to the hilarious to the emotional to the empowering—not so different from that other "first time," actually.

Volume warning: teen girl losing her sh*t ahead.

Dear Freaked-Out Teen Girl,

I see you've met the manatee. Did you notice that no matter how loudly you shrieked or frantically you kicked, it did nothing? That's because the manatee's enormous body is almost entirely a mixture of fat and chill. The fat lets it float, and the chill lets it enjoy floating. Seriously, that's all it does. I used to live in Florida on a canal, and these blubbery beasts would just show up outside the house and you could toss them lettuce and spray them with hose water and they loved every second of it.

See also: A gentle aquatic stampede of 300 manatees has booted swimmers out of a FL wildlife park.

You can pet them. You probably shouldn't, but you can.The only danger they ever faced is the fact that they're too f-ing slow to get out of the way of boats. Their backs are typically covered in depressing scars from propellers, and they still like people.

In conclusion, take a lesson from the manatee and chill. Also, don't swim with a selfie stick. I don't think anything can make a manatee attack a human, but if there was, it'd be that.

Sincerely, Everyone.

P.S. here's the closest thing I could find to a "manatee attack":

I think I already figured out who The Yellow King is just from watching this beautiful minute of footage:

It's here! Another reason to talk about True Detective! This time, with actual footage from Season 2. Since the announcement that there would be another season of HBO's dark, metaphysical, sometimes-buddy-cop-show True Detective, it seemed as though everyone and their cousin was cast in it. And everyone who wasn't had an opinion on those choices. Today, the trailer dropped, and proved that Vince Vaughn, Rachel McAdams, Taylor Kitsch, and Colin Farrell all seem to be promising leads. The only thing the trailer doesn't include is any dialogue. I'm guessing that's because Nic Pizzolatto hasn't even written it yet (he didn't sign on to write Season 2 until January of 2014, and the last one took years to get made.)

Right now without the dialogue it looks kind of like an ad for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. But still...it's gonna be good, right?

Fingers crossed it's good (i.e. existentially terrifying). The first episode airs June 21st.

If nothing else, at least this meme is over, right?

#TrueDetectiveSeason2 : My vote. pic.twitter.com/hnBwXxPqPF
— Michael Schneider (@franklinavenue) February 20, 2014

Because sometimes 'Cosmo' quizzes aren't enough, Beyoncé super-fan Allie Davis gave her BF a homemade Beyoncé quiz.

I hope that Beyoncé also gives her man a Beyoncé quiz. (via Getty Images)

There are many ways to determine the health and longevity of a relationship. You can look at how well you communicate and work through conflicts. You can go see a psychic to get a deep mystical perspective (or the opinion of some random lady making shit up as she goes along, depending on what you believe). Or you can do like Beyoncé fan Allie Davis, and give your partner a quiz about his Beyoncé knowledge (with a little bit of One Direction and Nicki Minaj thrown in).

Davis posted the quiz to her Twitter account (@Fergyonce, of course). Here it is in its entirety:

Smiley face for an 80%? Isn't an 80% more like... "Okay, kid, you didn't do terribly"?
(via @Fergyonce on Twitter)

Davis posted a blank version of the quiz to her blog, in case anyone else wants to give it. And she and her boyfriend have also both pointed out that the entire thing is a light-hearted joke, so you can save all of your "Crazy pop music fan!" old-man rantings for people who are still crying about Zayn leaving One Direction.

A camera crew documented the journey of a young elephant finding her long-lost mother.

MeBai is a 6-year-old elephant from Thailand. Three years ago, she was torn from her mother and put to work in the tourism industry, giving rides to visitors from out of the country. However, due to her young age, she couldn't handle the work, and her health began to fail. Realizing she couldn't be ridden anymore, her owners agreed to retire her into a sanctuary under the Pamper a Pachyderm program. Then, volunteers took her on an arduous three-day trek, covering more than 100 km, to reunite her with her mother, Mae Yui. Here are some photos of the two of them when MeBai was only 1 week old:

Cute.(via Elephant Nature Park)

Cuuuuuuuute.(via Elephant Nature Park)

As you can see in the above video, the moment when they're reunited is about as tender as they come. Elephants really do have some of the best memories in the animal kingdom, capable of remembering dozens of friends and relationships after many years apart. Of course, there's no memory that lasts like that between a mother and her child.

The reunion was only supposed to be for a short visit, but after seeing them together, Mae Yui's owners also decided to retire her. Now, they're working with Elephant Nature Park to rehabilitate both elephants and return them to the wild. Let's just hope they can squeeze in a few baths first.

There you are: hungover, late for work and in a bed that isn't yours.

Ideally, we would always know when a hook up was going to happen. We'd arrive prepared with a change of clothes, or better yet, that hook up would occur in the comfort of our own home. But sometimes you meet a fella at a bar or an old flame invites you out for a friendly drink or a first night leads to a very fun last night.

I've had a few of these adventures over the years—mostly in New York City, where I don't have the luxury of having a spare outfit in my car. A few times, I've woken up at a hook up's apartment with no time to go home before having to drag my hungover ass to work or a meeting or whatever else.

As a crafty gal on a budget, I've found these affordable products turned my walk of shame into a cab ride of pride:

1. American Apparel bodysuit ($28)

Just remember to put your pants back on.(via AmericanApparel.com)

The easiest thing to pick up when you can't wear yesterday's clothes to work again is a bodysuit from good ol' AA. It's a shirt and underwear in one! Talk about killing two birds with one spandex stone. Most folks that work in AA are disaffected hipsters anyway, so they won't question why you need to change into dance wear at 9 am.

And if bodysuits aren't your thing and you want an excuse to see what's his name again, borrow one of his button downs ($0), tie it at the waist, and you got yourself a cute cropped blouse. If he's bigger than you, that XXL tee ($0) he gave you to sleep in could make a great T-shirt dress. Just sniff the pits first.

2. Sephora Makeover ($0)

A photo posted by Sephora (@sephora) on Feb 14, 2015 at 11:49am PST

Walk into any Sephora, and you'll find dozens of women furiously putting on make-up. It's the spot to touch up post-hook up or pre-hook up. If your night was good, you probably won't need too much sprucing, since there's no make-up that's as pretty as afterglow. Just please be sure to use a disposable applicator to apply mascara and eyeliner or else that smokey eye will turn into pink eye ($20-$300 for a doctor's visit and conjunctivitis medication depending on your insurance).

3. Bacon & egg sandwich with coffee (under $5)

Breakfast of hungover champions.

I've had many a morning where my finger was my toothbrush. Rub that Crest over your choppers, swish it around with water, and you should be good to go. But don't worry too much, since the smell of coffee and the bacon and egg sandwich you just inhaled to soak up all the vodka in your stomach should mask any trace of penis breath.

4. One-Day Gym Pass Shower ($0)

Even locker room towels are cleaner than the towels at his apartment.

This one is for you gals who didn't want to use his/her shower because either you hated your hook up and wanted to get out of there fast, or their shower resembled an infested dumpster and there was a line of four roommates waiting to get athletes foot. If you want to wash that lover right out of your hair, skin and memory, go online and search "free one day gym pass." Most fitness facilities offer a free guest pass to potential members, and they have towels and razors and lotion. Freshen up and maybe take a quick Pilates class if you have time.

5. Pregnancy Test ($14)

I wouldn't trust those results yet.

Alright, you look good, you smell good, but do you feel good? Like, in your belly? Like, are you pregnant? If your goal was to have a baby with Mr. Swipe Right, then congrats! But if you're in a tizzy because you can't recall if you used a condom ($4 a pack) or not, then the morning-after-pill ($10-50) might be first on your list of things to do after you did him.

Personally, I'm the kind of paranoid lady who always thinks she's pregnant like the second after I have sex (protected sex while I'm on the pill). On my way home from his place, I will think I felt my unborn child's foot kicking (completely impossible), so I'll grab an EPT at the drugstore and insist on finding a public restroom where I can pee on a stick asap (it takes 21 days after having sex to find out if you're pregnant). I once took a pregnancy test in the bathroom of the Union Square Babies "R" Us, which was hilariously ironic.

Or you can be a chill person, and just wait a few months to freak the F out that you have a random dude's baby inside you ($14,970 annually adding up to $245,340 to raise that kid to age 18). Just know: if you do decide to take the test in the handicapped stall in the women's restroom at Whole Foods, you're not alone.

Happy boning!

Holistic? More like holy-sh*it-now-my-heart-has-a-tic. Ok, that was a bit of a reach, but you get my point.

Pills from the rare Junkie Bush of the Southwest.(stock image)

Yuuup. In the ever-expanding annals of the journal Everything Is Bullsh*t And Nobody Is Stopping It (not a real scientific journal) comes this exciting new development: herbal weight-loss supplements contain not-herbal amphetamines that can only be manufactured in labs and have never been tested for safety in humans.

Actually, the real journal this was published in was Drug Testing and Analysis, and they found that more than half of 21 supplements touting the benefits of Acacia rigidula as a weight-loss cure contained ß-methylphenylethylamine (BMPEA). If the gobbledygook nature of that chemical name tells you anything, it's that it is not derived from an acacia shrub species native to the American Southwest.

Surprise, surprise. Oh, wait, not surprising at all.

Amazingly, Drug Testing and Analysis carried out this study because the FDA had independently found BMPEA in the same supplements in 2013, and the journal wanted to see if that finding had led to supplement makers removing the chemical. Apparently, all this did was give supplement makers who weren't using untested amphetamines on humans a case of jealousy, because the levels of speed actually rose between the FDA's test and that in Drug Testing and Analysis.

10 of the speed-laced pills all come from the same Georgia company, Hi-Tech Pharmaceuticals (real organic-sounding, guys). They claim that BMPEA is a naturally-occurring alkaloid in the plants, which is directly refuted by this new study and the fact that no one has ever actually found that chemical in the plant.

Of course, herbal supplements don't require FDA approval, so it doesn't really matter what anyone says anyway. Attorneys general in states like New York do sometimes demand things be removed over fraudulent labeling, but in general this is a regulation-free Wild West. The kind of Wild West where the acacia plant grows, dies, and turns into a tumbleweed. A tumbleweed with no naturally-occurring speed.

On the other hand, untested amphetamines are generally pretty good weight-loss tools, as long as they don't cause heart palpitations and kill you.

Capturing more than just a snapshot.

From the site: “I'm very comfortable in New York. Particularly right here. Where the vacuum can't get me." -Callie, Brooklyn (via Felines of New York)

Comedian and feline photographer Jim Tews is setting out to do what Humans of New York did for people, but this time for cats. Tews takes a photo of each cat himself and conducts a brief interview. The results are revelatory, funny, eye-opening, and precious. These are authentic New York cats, Tews assures us. "You can see that hardened look in their eyes" the site says.

Here are a few of the best so far, complete with captions from the site.

“I'm not caught up on 'Walking Dead' yet. I'm so bad with that stuff. I just started listening to 'Serial' this morning."
“You watch TV and listen to podcasts?"
“Not intentionally." -May
(via Felines of New York)

"Music is my biggest passion, and loud noises are my biggest fear." -Loretta (via Felines of New York)

"A lot of people think we hate Mondays, but that's a common stereotype reinforced by the media. We actually have no idea what day it is." -Charlie (via Felines of New York)

“I'm a descendant of lions, so sometimes I'll get real wild animal urges. Like I want to just hunt something."
“What do you hunt?"
“String, mostly."
-Cookie, Greenpoint (via Felines of New York)

“I can see some really expensive condos from here. I'd like to get in one and scratch the shit out of some really nice furniture, maybe piss on something. I don't know, I like to dream big." -Carl
(via Felines of New York)

“This is a nice pen. It'd be a real shame if someone just knocked it off the table for no apparent reason." -Maurice, Manhattan (via Felines of New York)

“I decided a long time ago that I don't want kittens. A lot of other cats judge me for it, but kittens would just get in the way of my career."
“What career is that?"
“I'm in the walking around and laying on stuff business. It's insanely competitive."
-Orange, Park Slope (via Felines of New York)

“We've been together for five years. But haven't spoken in weeks."
“Why aren't you speaking?"
“I shit outside the litter box and let him take the blame."
- Sartre & Simone, Midtown (via Felines of New York)

Go to the Felines of New York Tumblr to see more!