Now, everyone wants to be her friend.

Bet you feel pretty stupid now, cruel fourth graders! (via Facebook)

Last week, a girl named Mackenzie Moretter from Shakopee, Minnesota turned 10 years old. Sadly, it looked like Mackenzie would be moving into double digits solo, since every single one of the classmates she invited turned down her invitation. "I was sad that no one was coming," said Mackenzie in the emotionally devastating understatement of the year.

Mackenzie's isolation from her classmates is due to a rare growth condition she has called Sotos Syndrome. At the age of 1, doctors discovered a tumor on her spine and she was diagnosed with the little-known genetic condition, which caused some brain damage and developmental delays due to the rapid growth of her skull, making socialization a challenge.

A couple pics of @Mysticlake's incredible cake!!! @kare11@RiverSouthMNpic.twitter.com/mnrY2Nnqqb
— Brad Tabke, Mayor (@MayorTabke) April 19, 2015

"It causes gigantism where kids grow at a faster pace," said dad Matthew Morreter, "Mackenzie is a lot taller than other classmates." It's not that she's bullied, her father explained, just ignored. "Kids are friendly to her, but she doesn't have friends. No one calls and talks to her. I'll show up at her school and she will be playing alone."

Facebook—Occasionally a place that makes the real world a little better.

After many years of playing alone, this year Mackenzie told her parents she wanted "a big-girl party" for her birthday, and happily for Mackenzie (and our collective capability to keep going in this cruel world), Mackenzie's mom Jenny Moretter took to Facebook to make sure that happened.

RT @dave_taft: Mackenzie's Birthday party is full of SO many awesome people!!!! #HappyBirthdayMackenzie#Shakopeepic.twitter.com/Jri7kHyJFX
— Brad Tabke, Mayor (@MayorTabke) April 19, 2015

Jenny created an event titled "Mackenzie's Birthday Party" and invited her own adult friends to save her daughter from sitting alone with a DJ on her birthday this past Saturday. She hoped to convince at least 10 of them to attend and bring any children around Mackenzie's age. As it turns out, her social media outreach turned this heartstring-pulling act of cruelty by omission into a heartwarming story of people being awesome.

The celebrity-packed event of Shakopee's social season.

Instead of 10 of mom's friends and some disinterested kids, Mackenzie's party ended up being attended by Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Charles Johnson, Elsa from Frozen, the Shakopee Fire Department, the Mayor of Shakopee, and at least 300 other local nice people. Mackenzie hosted them all while wearing a shirt emblazoned with the words "courage" and "kind."

Maybe even better, the event was catered by Sam's Club and Mr. Pig's Stuffed BBQ. The mayor proclaimed Saturday, April 18, 2015 to be Mackenzie Moretter Day throughout his domain. Said a spokesperson for the mayor, "Thank you for reminding us how we should treat each other every day."

Happy birthday, Mackenzie on Mackenzie Moretter Day in #Shakopee! pic.twitter.com/cb14i5I3ME
— Brad Tabke, Mayor (@MayorTabke) April 18, 2015

As for Mackenzie, maybe the mayor should be worried after her first forays into public speaking. Addressing the assembly of well-wishers, Mackenzie said "I have a hard time making friends in school, but thanks to all of you... my voice was heard. I love you all."

The good feelings don't stop there. Although lots of people came bearing gifts for Moretter, she and her family used the attention to start a GoFundMe page for donations instead, raising $2100 for Sotos Syndrome research.

In conclusion, always go to the lonely kid's birthday party, or else that kid will become famous and beloved and everyone in your town will go without you and talk about what a jerk you are and how great that kid is. Also, be nice.

"Do you exude red blocks?"- Lego Batfleck

This is a very well-made recreation of the new Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice trailer, built and animated with Lego blocks—this is clearly the product of people who cared about what they were doing—but there's something about it that just seems obligatory to me. Maybe this has to do with my weird aversion to Zach Snyder's doleful vision for the DC universe, but I get the feeling that as soon as the official trailer dropped over the weekend, a member of the High Lords of the Internet decision counsel pointed at the Final Feature people and informed them that it had fallen upon them to make a Lego parody of it. Because that's what the Internet does.

"Shut up, you miserable old nerd and let us enjoy something nice and fun!" — Everybody in the world to me

Fair enough. I really can't argue with that sentiment. And I will admit that this seems a bit less dour and more overtly silly than the source material.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just shamble back to my cave and wait for the Lego remake of the Far from the Madding Crowd trailer to arrive.

A writer for 'Conan' bashed late night comedy on Twitter, and Conan responded, also on Twitter.

Conan O'Brien, late night comedy man. (via Getty)

Andrés du Bouchet has written for Conan O'Brien for seven years. Yesterday, he went on a Twitter rant about the state of late night comedy television. You can read all his tweets here, but here's the short version: he said it sucked and then he apologized. Conan responded with the following tweet:

I wish one of my writers would focus on making my show funnier instead of tweeting stupid things about the state of late night comedy.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) April 19, 2015

Twitter is the new Human Resources department.

Conversations like this have probably occurred in more than a few writers rooms, stemming from the content shift in late night comedy. du Bouchet has since deleted his tweets, but I found it interesting to hear a writer's opinion about his own field. This was clearly stream-of-conscious writing, because at the end of one tweet he added "I'm fat" making it my favorite tweet in the rant.

I hope when this issue is discussed in HR at TBS, du Bouchet doesn't lose his job over his Sunday afternoon spaz.

Crane operator Robert MacFarlane caught the poop-bandit raccoon at the top of the crane he's working on in Toronto.

Excuse me, is the restroom up here for customers only? (via skyjacked 793 on Instagram)

"Hero." It's a word many of us use all too lightly these days. But I can assure you that it is with absolutely no hyperbole that I tell you that this raccoon, which climbed to the top of a very high crane just to poop there, is a hero. If I thought I could get this raccoon to actually show up, I would throw him an elaborate awards ball where I would invite other famous poopers (like that infant that ruined his photoshoot with projectile feces) and give the raccoon an award. I'd probably call it the "One Poop Above Many" award.

It is for customers only? OK. Um, well, I really need to go. (via SkyJacked793 on Twitter)

The high-climbing, high-dumping raccoon was found by Robert MacFarlane, a crane operator who lives in Toronto. After first seeing the guy, MacFarlane proceeded to Tweet and Instagram several pictures of the li'l rascal, noting that he also pooped not once, but multiple times at the top of the tower. Thankfully, MacFarlane also confirmed that the raccoon got back down to safety.

MacFarlane shared this photo to provide context for how high 700' is. It's very high.
(via RobMac on Twitter)

I am cautiously optimistic for this film, despite the fact that the image before you start the trailer shows Chris Pratt on a motorcycle flanked by velociraptors.

Seriously, Chris Pratt on a motorcycle flanked by velociraptors? Did Universal get a focus group of five-year-old boys and ask them, "Hey guys, what cool stuff do you want to see in a movie about dinosaurs?" and just let the kids start riffing?

Kid 1: "Dinosaurs that are scary and run really fast but you can be friends with them."
Researcher: "OK!"
Kid 2: "And a motorcycle. And the dinosaurs run with the motorcycle because they know motorcycles are cool."
Researcher: "Um, well..."
Kid 3: "I want Spongebob!"
Researcher: "We can't..."
Kid 1: "Me too! Spongebob!"
All Kids: "Spongebob! Spongebob! Spongebob!"
Researcher: "NO SPONGEBOB!!!"
All Kids: (crying noises)

Despite all of that, I'm actually pretty stoked for the film based on this trailer. You can see the previous Jurassic World trailer here, or see Chris Pratt making up lyrics to the Jurassic Park theme music here.

Ms. Cyrus, in a rare moment of clothedness. (via Getty)

Today is April 20, which makes it 4/20 Day. If you don't know what that is, then I suggest you opt against looking into it. You're obviously doing something right with your life, and it seems a shame to change that just because Miley Cyrus wanted another opportunity to show her boobs online.

Speaking of which, Miley Cyrus took advantage of another opportunity to show her boobs online. They were prominently featured in an Instagram photo she posted of herself lighting a bong and smoking the marijuana:

Yes, her nipples are covered up with pasties. Apparently the same ones that she was wearing yesterday to celebrate Joan Jett being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which means that I either don't understand how pasties work, or I don't understand how Miley Cyrus's concept of hygiene works.

A quick-thinking pitcher was literally stuck, so he improvised.

'Tis better to have gloved and lost, then never to have gloved at all. (Via MLB YouTube)

In the top of the second inning of yesterday's home game against the San Diego Padres, Clint Barmes knocked one right to Cubs pitcher Jon Lester, who easily caught it. This should have been a routine play, one so simple I shouldn't even have to explain how it was supposed to have gone: Lester needed to remove the ball from his glove, throw the ball to the first baseman, and get Barmes out. But Lester was having a real Monday of a Sunday where just nothing was going right—the ball was lodged in his glove, and it wouldn't budge. Thinking fast (because Barmes was, you know, running to first base) Lester just took off his glove and threw it to first baseman Anthony Rizzo. Rizzo caught it, and Barmes was out. But perhaps more impressive than Lester's quick-thinking was Rizzo's quick-thinking—he dropped his own glove so he could catch Lester's tossed glove.

The Cubs' last shot at the World Series was ruined in the 2003 National League Championship Series when a fan reached over an outfield wall and caught a foul ball with his glove. Maybe this weekend's glove-play evens things out with the universe.

Or maybe not, because the Cubs lost the game, 5 to 2.

5. Jon Stewart, because he doesn't enjoy 'The Daily Show' anymore.

Eviscerating has lost its charm.(Getty)

If you aren't as into The Daily Show as you were 5 or 10 years ago, guess what? Jon Stewart agrees with you. In a new profile in The Guardian, Stewart explained his reasons for retiring from the show after 16 years, saying:

“It's not like I thought the show wasn't working any more, or that I didn't know how to do it. It was more, 'Yup, it's working. But I'm not getting the same satisfaction.'"

The sentiment is very similar to David Letterman's announcement of his own retirement, when he explained how he spent a whole work day caring more about identifying a bird than anything to do with his TV show. I guess it's just a reality of being a talk show host: no matter how well-respected you are or how much you love it, after a certain point it becomes routine. That's when it's time to hand the reins to a new generation so they can get sick of it.

4. A passenger who was kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for jabbing her snoring seatmate with a pen.

I'll be honest with you. When someone is snoring next to me on a flight, I'll fantasize about doing more than stabbing them with a pen. But it's just that: a fantasy. I'm enough of an adult to understand that snoring is one of the privileges you pay for when you buy a plane ticket, along with farting, whimpering at the slightest turbulence, and every other annoying thing someone can do on a plane. One woman on a flight from Chicago to New Hampshire didn't quite get that, and became so enraged at the snoring of her seatmate, Lenny "Santa" Mordarski, that she began stabbing him sharply in the arm with an uncapped pen before the plane had even taken off.

He yelped in pain, a commotion ensued, and both of them were removed, but Mordarski was allowed back on the plane. The stabber was left to explain to Chicago police why she would assault such a lovable, George R.R. Martin-esque man. As for Mordarski, he just has to deal with his pain and, as a friend of his tweeted, his dry-cleaning bill.

Southwest passenger booted for jabbing snoring flier with pen http://t.co/OxelJRHQSL (pic: @MNS1974) pic.twitter.com/XtgyYwVYQu
— Ben Mutzabaugh (@TodayInTheSky) April 17, 2015

3. Big Sean, because Ariana Grande's father warned him not to give her the D.

I give her that D... #Detroit
A photo posted by BIGSEAN (@bigsean) on Apr 14, 2015 at 3:44pm PDT

When rapper Big Sean posted this picture on Instagram, it was just supposed to be a dumb joke. The caption, "I give her that D… #Detroit," is a multi-layered wordplay referencing his hometown, his lyrics, and his penis. It's the same kind of wit that made him a star. Unfortunately, it's also a public reference to sex, implicitly with his girlfriend, Ariana Grande. Her father, Edward Butera, saw the photo and left this comment:

Open your eyes, Butera!(Instagram via Gawker)

It's one thing to get busted by your girlfriend's dad. It's another when you and your girlfriend are both famous and it's on the Internet. Now, it's only speculation whether Big Sean and Ariana Grande have consummated their relationship, but regardless, they'd better be careful from now on. Otherwise, Sean will be getting the B. As in baseball bat. In the B. As in butt.

2. Zooey Deschanel, because she never wanted to be called "adorkable."

Look at her, she's so… dorkily… adorable. This is hard.(Getty)

At this point, the word "adorkable" is indorkicably linked to Zooey Deschanel. Describing her without the word is like seeing her without bangs, or hearing her voice without ukulele accompaniment: a nightmare beyond imagining. That's why it came as such a shock when she told a room full of reporters that she doesn't see herself that way:

"That was something that was calculated, you know what I mean? That was our marketing department at Fox and they did a really good job with our first season, but that's a word that describes the character that I play, not me. I don't personally have identification with that word myself."

That sentiment is actually shockingly reasonable. Not even geekonable, just plain reasonable. After all, no real person wants to be seen as a manic pixie dream girl, even if she's the reason that stereotype exists. And let's face facts: Deschanel is 35. If she ever was adorkable, she should have grown out of it by now. At a certain point, it's dorkpressing.

1. A British soccer player fired for having sex with a fan in the opposing team's dugout.

The beautiful game.(via Twitter)

The man in the picture above is English soccer player Jay Hart. Hart used to be a forward for Clitheroe, a semi-pro team based out of Lancashire. That is, until a video was leaked of him having sex with a fan in the opposing team's dugout after a match. An away match. On "ladies day." This image comes from that video, which has since been scrubbed from the Internet.

Before it was taken down, however, it was seen by Clitheroe's management, who quickly decided to terminate the 24-year-old Hart. Hart expressed his contrition publicly:

“I'm full of regret. I'd had a couple of drinks. I was away from everyone and thought I was hidden."

Well, part of him was certainly hidden. His girlfriend, Bryony Hibbert, struck a less somber tone in comments left on the team's Facebook page:

"Have a bit of decency for the people it's affected. Thank god my kids are too young to read. It's disgusting. I bet their families are far from perfect."

She makes a good point. But for the sake of her own family, it's time she gave her boyfriend a red card.

A Texas woman not only won a steak eating contest, she shattered the record.

This bill is fake but her eating abilities are very real. (via twitter)

Molly Schuyler, weighing in at a mere 124 pounds, is a boss at competitive eating. She won The Big Texan steak-eating competition against a bunch of football players and pro-wrestlers, broke the previous record, and took home the $5,000 prize. Here is a list of the insane amount of food she fit into her body in under 20 minutes:

1. Three 72oz steaks.
2. Three baked potatoes.
3. Three shrimp cocktails.
4. Three side salads.
5. Three rolls.

She ate 13.5 pounds of food in under 20 minutes. SHE ATE 13.5 POUNDS OF FOOD IN 20 MINUTES. SHE ATE 13.5 P-- ok I'm done, sorry. It's just so much food. How did she do it? Is she magic? If so, her magical powers far outweigh those of the Davids, both Blaine and Copperfield. For reference, here are some things that weigh about 13.5 pounds:

1. A bowling ball.
2. A three-month old baby.
3. An overweight house cat.
4. A six-foot aluminum step ladder.

Sometimes I feel like I deserve a prize for how much I eat, but I usually just reward myself by binge-watching shows about attractive superheroes in a horizontal food coma. Please watch the news footage below and celebrate this modern woman.

KFDA - NewsChannel 10 / Amarillo News, Weather, Sports

If you're not into eating competitions between humans, maybe you'll enjoy an eating competition between dogs.

At Star Wars Celebration, a fan-made R2-D2 made a young fan's day.

Star Wars Celebration is a semi-regular gathering of fans from all over the world. This year's event just wrapped up in Anaheim, and featured such highlights as the debut of the new teaser for The Force Awakens. As always, it also featured a lot of really impressive fan creations, including movie-quality moving replicas of R2-D2, like this one here.

When the droid's pilot noticed a young fan nearby in his awesome tricked-out Star Wars wheelchair, he couldn't resist sending Artoo over to check in with him. What followed was an irresistible impromptu synchronized dance session, accompanied by the boy's adorably delighted giggles. If this clip doesn't melt your heart, then you've obviously fallen to the Dark Side.

You already knew this would happen unless you're a NERD!

Shut up and go buy a ticket.
(via Giphy)

It took The Avengers nineteen days. The same for the final Harry Potter. Frozen went at a glacial pace. But Furious 7 made a billion dollars at the box office in a record-breaking 17 days, officially making it the greatest movie of all time.

Some of you artsy types are going to say that the best movie is actually one of the Godfather films. Some of you freaks who went to film school might even mention a black-and-white Godard movie no one's heard of about three people in love with each other. You're wrong. The entire planet disagrees with you. Furious 7 just beat every movie ever.

People don't go to the movies to think or feel any emotion besides pure adrenaline (until the last five minutes, when they want to be kicked in the stomach by sadness over an actor's death). They want to see cars explode. They want to see butts. If you don't love this movie, you're officially an out-of-touch old person! Furious 7. Greatest movie since Torque.

Also, around the time this news broke, the Pulitzer Prize winners for 2015 were announced at Columbia University.

Usher recently had "bionic" foot surgery, and in typical Usher style, even his crutches are fashionable.

A photo posted by Usher (@howuseeit) on Apr 18, 2015 at 7:05pm PDT

Usher had foot surgery earlier this month, and since then he's been posting pictures to Instagram that feature him using a variety of dope gold crutches. Either Usher is the most fashionable man recovering from foot surgery, or his doctor was King Midas.

A photo posted by Usher (@howuseeit) on Apr 9, 2015 at 7:31pm PDT

He even took the crutches on stage, performing at Global Citizen Earth Day on the National Mall.

One foot still rockin' #GlobalCitizenEarthDay #BiggerThan

A photo posted by Usher (@howuseeit) on Apr 18, 2015 at 5:11pm PDT

This is far from the first piece of equipment that Usher has gone gold on; you might remember the video he posted of reenacting the escape scene from E.T., but on a gold-trimmed Segway.

A video posted by Usher (@howuseeit) on Mar 26, 2015 at 1:24pm PDT

Also, I should note that I do not know if Usher's foot surgery was actually "bionic." I'm just quoting the man, the myth, the legend in his pre-surgery Instagram video, because of course Usher posted a video of himself on the surgery table that's paired with the Six Million Dollar Man theme song.

A video posted by Usher (@howuseeit) on Apr 4, 2015 at 8:18am PDT

Oh, and if you're thinking about starting any sort of parody account about this, you should know that there are actually already two Usher's leg parody Twitter accounts (@ushersleg and @UsherLeg). That said, they're both related to Usher having his leg up on the chair on The Voice, and neither has been updated since 2013. Basically, what I'm saying is that maybe it's time for a third parody Twitter account for Usher's leg, because you can never have too many.

Spoiler alert: New York City has a lot more buildings than it used to.

This film from Reuben Hernandez and The New York Times shows how the New York City skyline has changed over the past 500 years. Mimicking the path of the elevator ride to the observatory atop 1 World Trade Center, Hernandez's film is a really lovely piece of animation. And if you're like me and get a little anxious every time you step into Manhattan, the film is also a lovely reminder that millions of people are crammed onto a small island, and you probably shouldn't think about that part too hard when you're there.

Hernandez has some other excellent time-lapses on his Vimeo account, including Forward, which Hernandez says was "created from 2,634 still images taken over the course of a year in Central Park and documents my first year in New York."

Somebody get this waiter a job on one of those talking head TV shows where people just react to things!

...because I could watch this guy shrug at stuff alllllll day. And if you're looking for a super-obscure Internet Halloween costume for this year, may I suggest "Waiter who shrugged at a BMX biker in that one eight-second video"?

Also, I'd like to take a moment to discuss the overall content of this video. You know that song from Portlandia, "The Dream of the 90s Is Alive in Portland"? I think this video proves that it's not just adult hipster 90s dreams that are alive in Oregon, it's also the dreams of 8-year-old boys from 1991. This thing was shot in PDX, and it's a guy on a BMX bike hopping an orange Lamborghini. OK, maybe that's not 90s enough for you. Do you also need a super-square waiter shrugging his shoulders like he's on MTV and just doesn't get these kids? OH WAIT THIS VIDEO HAS THAT TOO.

If you haven't seen it, here's that Portlandia sketch:

There's another member of House Targaryen.

On Set ! !!!! Rosie Mac Official Daenerys Double for #GameOfThrones Season 5 <3 Popcorn Time !! :D #TheWinterIsComing
A photo posted by Actress Model Dancer (@rosiemacc) on Apr 19, 2015 at 9:07am PDT

It's expected that a body double would have some resemblance to the person they stand in for, but there are variations on how successful stand-ins are. Lord knows, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer could be pretty distracting during fight scenes, as they cut from petite Sarah-Michelle Gellar to one of her muscular butt-kicking stunt ladies.

Actress Rosie Mac, the new body double for Ms. Stormborn, is no body builder in a wig. She could be Emilia Clarke's long-lost twin! As we've seen recently, it's surprisingly common for another person to have your face, yet it never gets less unsettling. 2015 is the year for finding your twinsie, guys, be on the look-out.

If you always hoped to have a shot with Daenerys Targaryen, or someone who looks exactly like her, your chances have now doubled. They were at zero percent to begin with, so still zero, but we live in hope.

John Stamos gave the exclusive to Jimmy Kimmel that America's favorite family is returning.

The day we've all feared/hoped for has arrived. Netflix just signed off on 13 episodes of a Full House spin-off titled Fuller House. John Stamos announced this exclusive tidbit on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night and the crowd went wild.

The nostalgia train has left the station and you better be on board, because it's not slowing down any time soon. This show will be following DJ, Stephanie and Kimmy, who are all grown up now and chasing their dreams. In this version, DJ is the mom with 3 sons. No mention of a Papa, so I guess her husband is dead? Would a spin-off of Full House dare to have a divorcée as the lead? The show was sickeningly wholesome, but also highly addictive. I don't remember enjoying a single moment, yet I've seen every episode.

Stamos very neatly sidesteps the issue of whether the Olsen twins will show up, but there are talks to have guest spots from all our old favorites. Bob Saget will pop in of course, though whether we'll be able to see him as dad material after his stint in The Aristocrats remains to be seen.

Here's to a new cast roping in our nation's youth with mild jokes about cute boys and luxurious hair, all followed by a heartfelt wrap up, from parent to kid. Awwwwww.

“Don't Panic!” is the title of this week's episode of 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians,' as well as sound advice for those of us who've realized we're incapable of emulating this imperial family in any way.

From Kim Kardashian West's spy van surveillance of her store DASH to Kris Jenner's billboard-advertised birthday bash, it's obvious to us that these people are not like us ordinary idiot peons. Even when Scott relapses, he's still getting a booking fee for Kris' party while ruining it.

Here are the five moments we were most aware that it was time for us to stop trying:

1. Your boyfriend doesn't do housework or yard work, let alone indoor hedge clipping.

2. You don't feel any guilt about doing two naked shoots when you were pregnant, instead of three.

3. You aren't literally a spy in your free time.

4. When your kids miss your birthday party, the place doesn't fix it for you with giant cardboard cutouts.

5. When you get blackout drunk, there isn't literally a pillow waiting for you with your name on it.

One race caller had a lot of fun with a horse named "ARRRRR."

When they call it "the sport of kings," are they talking about horse racing or naming racehorses? It seems like a lot more care goes into the latter. This race, for example, features such gems as "Feline Felon," "Unbridled Wish," and "Five Demon Bag." But whoever named their horse "ARRRRR" has to be the champion. Every time the announcer says it, it sounds like he's both having the time of his life and dying. By the end of the race, I wanted to give him a tank of oxygen.

I'm not much into racing, but I might have to name my kid that. It'll be like he or she's growing up on a pirate ship!