This video shows a man buying all of a rose seller's stock, leaving her in tears.

This is an old video that resurfaced on Reddit this week, but who cares! It's spring! Let's believe in love, random acts of kindness, the possibility that you might have a pleasant interaction with someone on the 6 train, and flowers.

The clip shows a man grilling a rose seller on the cost of her wares and it seems like he's spoiling for a fight. Then things take a surprising turn when he just buys them all for $140 on the condition she give them away and take a break for an afternoon. She realizes what he's saying and starts to cry from relief/happiness.

A part of me can't believe this actually happened, because it's played so well by both of them. The timing is perfect and the beauty of the moment is so poignant. How can this be real? Sigh. Maybe there really are suited bro types who know what it's like to bust your butt hustling all day and this one saw a chance to alleviate someone else's struggle.

Roses for everybody!

Teenagers are suctioning their lips with glass bottles to make them look like Kylie Jenner or a goldfish, whichever.

#kyliejennerchallenge #foh
A video posted by flaggin is for bitchasses! (@dee_stay_laughing) on Apr 20, 2015 at 5:14am PDT

Kylie Jenner has got very sexy, pouty lips, but they look normal on her face. Most people with naturally big lips look like their lips belong on their face. Balanced, beautiful.

The terrifying nightmare of #KylieJennerChallenge is the opposite of that.

In a story that makes me feel older than dirt, teens everywhere are wringing the last iota of meaning from the word "challenge" by forcing their lips into shot glasses and bottle necks to suction their lips into puffy glory.

And OF COURSE, it's going horribly wrong:

don't do the kylie Jenner lip thing #kyliejennerlips#kyliejennerchallengepic.twitter.com/EQD1dgOSIN
— sophie (@sophiesnv) April 19, 2015

May you never feel so dumb again:

Made my chin look like a hickey a week ago and I'll say iv never felt so dumb #kyliejennerchallengepic.twitter.com/gI2q2z99Cq
— Emma Burke (@emmaburkie) April 20, 2015

Success?

@sorryimalex at some point, this is going to happen to someone #kyliejennerchallenge#kyliejennerlipspic.twitter.com/2UQYmMzLvS
— angelica (@srryimangelica_) April 18, 2015

WARNING, DISTURBING:

GUYS I DID THE LIP CHALLENGE THING, PLEASE DO NOT BE STUPID LIKE I WAS AND DO IT #kyliejennerchallenge#lipchallengepic.twitter.com/Jfwilf9Jea
— callum / #OCTASQUAD (@SorryChersLate) April 21, 2015

The picture above is not even the most horrible damage I saw someone do to themselves with this experiment, but I'm not posting worse because it's TOO horrible (think exploding shot glass).

If you are for some reason STILL thinking of doing this, remember: you are causing damage to your face. You are deliberately inducing intense swelling on your money-maker. You are wounding your beautiful visage. How many ways can we say it? Do not mess with your mouth! You need it for so many things, like confusing your elders with slang. IMHO.

I've decided to live a more honest life.

To do so, I wanted to examine my secrets and what I'm afraid other people might find out about me. My conclusions were not particularly exciting. The fact that these are the most thrilling details I'm hiding from the world is actually a little depressing. Regardless, I've chosen to face my fears and admit these truths here on the Internet because it still feels safer than speaking them out loud to a breathing human being.

1. I don't brush my teeth Friday or Saturday nights.

I normally practice generally acceptable dental hygiene. This anomaly started a few years back. It first started when I would go out on these nights and get home too drunk/tired to bother brushing. It has now continued into my non-partying life. I've somehow given myself permanent permission to behave this way. I can be dead sober at 11:30pm on a Friday and say to myself, “Oh good it's Friday. I can just go to sleep now." It's delightful. I look forward to it as a little treat to myself for surviving another long week of proper brushing.

2. Almost once a week my fly is open at noon.

Yes, these occurrences happen after I've left my home, but before I've used a bathroom. That means it's been like that for hours. I have no excuse for this one. Every day, one of the few responsibilities I have to society is to insure that no one can see my underpants through my zipper hole. I let society down about 1 in 10 times. Despite the frequency, it still surprises me every time.

3. I only like Bob Dylan a little bit.

I consider myself a somewhat well-rounded music fan, but I just never got into Dylan. I don't dislike him. I enjoy the bit I know, and I'm content to leave it there. I'm sorry.

4. Every day of my life I'm wearing glasses intended for children.

I am not a large man. I'm five foot six. In my opinion that makes me averagely short, not freakishly short. (OK, since I'm coming clean here, I'll also admit I'm technically five foot five and three quarters but always call it five foot six.) Either way, I have a tiny head, and children's glasses fit me perfectly. Sure, the frame selection is limited and sometimes I have to sharpie over an image of a Disney character when I take them home, but it is what it is. At least they're cheaper. This one should actually count as a win for me.

5. I really want to try all the new breakfast items in the Taco Bell commercials.

You're now a morning person.
A photo posted by Taco Bell (@tacobell) on Sep 29, 2014 at 7:01am PDT

I'm not kidding. I understand that the words Taco Bell and breakfast sound like the set up to a juvenile joke about lunchtime diarrhea, but I'm dead serious. That stuff looks good to me. A soft taco filled with egg and sausage? I'm not better than that. Despite however much it may lower society's opinion of me, I still want to know what a hash brown tastes like inside a crunch wrap. Most people think of Taco Bell as something you should only eat in the very early AM hours. I want it in the regular morning AM hours, and I no longer care who knows it.

But how else will Jake make new friends like you?(Via)

If you've ever forgotten to log out of Facebook and had someone post on your account, then you know the pain of the people on this list. There's nothing more embarrassing than having your significant other, you family member, or a complete stranger write a status about how much you love sniffing butts for the entire Internet to see. Unless you actually love sniffing butts, and are proud of it. Anyway, here are the funniest examples we could find of people who had their accounts compromised. They're a hilarious reminder that there's no such thing as data security.

Small business owner of the year.(Via)

Ruth has a very simplistic idea of sex reassignment surgery.(Via)

Facebook hall monitor to the rescue!(Via)

See also: annoying Facebook couples.(Via)

Let's just say Ashley ate some mouse boogers and call it a day.(Via)

Great advice, friend. "Have you considered sabotaging your relationship over a lie?"(Via)

She also feels nothing for her daughters. Very suspicious.(Via)

The saddest profile hijacking is the one that never was. (Via)

She should be your favorite. She's very concerned about your digestive health. (Via)

People hijacking other people's accounts have quite the shit fetish. (Via)

What's embarrassing about being accused of being a sanitary masturbator?(Via)

Sometimes you can tell the hijacker's id is really coming out in these.(Via)

Again! Seriously, it's a real obsession with this crowd.(Via)

Nice to break things up with the occasional domestic drama. (Via)

Safe and sound, unlike your password.(Via)

On the bright side, you've got some well-mannered students if "poopieface" is the worst they'll do. (Via)

Holly really hates people who misuse words. Quick, someone hack her! (Via)

Well, no and yes. No he didn't hack me, but yes, he did this.(Via)

Not sure the analogy holds, but it's beautiful nonetheless, mom.(Via)

Weirdest baby shower invite ever. (Via)

Ashley probably knew that would happen. She knows the effect she's had on men. (Via)

Hey, she's forgetful and a thief, but there's no reason to call her mean!(Via)

Only the best could "hack" into an account that's already logged in.(Via)

When can we visit him in the dick removal hospital?

At least in America they just search your crotch.

Let's just agree that everyone on Facebook's illiterate. Cool?

.

You owe him one George.

Worst "hack" ever. At least call her gay or something.

Using meds without prescription causes you to give out your password.

It's nice when your friends REALLY know you.

The easiest way to come out is to leave your Facebook logged in.

Fire! This is a quiz right?

The best account abductions make you wait for it.

Jake also publicly urinates well above the amateur level.

We're never attempting a home improvement project again.

Thanks for showing such impressive restraint, stranger.

She'll have to wait for Dongukkah.

Always use plenty of lube...love, mom.

Hope she comments about Terence's cock next so he doesn't feel left out!

This is the first known evidence of a new phenomenon: homophobifrape.

Or this could just be some things Vanessa needed to get off her chest.

You've been Caged!

"I love publicly describing my intimate cleaning rituals every once in a while."

She's still calling him "babe." We think he's got a chance.

What a waste of a perfectly good hack.

Someone teach that man about emoticons!

The kids call this a "skinny hack."

If anyone knows where I can find a penis resembling an onion ring, let me know.

Her real friends know she hates pandas.

Someone's aunt wanted to teach her a lesson about how not to use hashtags.

It's not actually that hard to do, but you're gonna get some ball on your face.

So, this is the work of a "genius?"

Never hack Liam Neeson.

That escalated quickly.

Mister Tumnus, you have weird friends.

Facebook's reckoning.

Well, he already gave away his Facebook password. What's left?

That, or Jonathan has a Tyler Durden-style alter ego who needs their own Facebook page.

"I would never turn down a dumb blonde. Don't put words in my mouth!"

Hey, person who did that: you need to be meaner.

You/you're - the last issue on which Americans are absolutely sure about right and wrong.

When you're not here all I do is snoop around your computer for other peoples' pictures.

"I am kind of into Satan and all his works."

Wendee gives credit where credit is due. It takes a village to cuckold a husband.

These delightfully fresh-faced employees were given a sitcom 5 minutes after posting.

Recap: she missed her period status but she's going to keep it anyway.

Frankly, if someone logged on to our Facebook and handled those tasks, we'd appreciate it.

Like Megan's Law for cheaters, but it's your ex who gets to tell everyone you're scum.

If you tried this at work, it wouldn't be called "fun." It'd be called "team building."

Classic Cliana — only interested in other people's lives until the commercials are over.

Religion: one of the few things on Facebook that will like (and stalk) you back.

Revenge is a dish best served by remote control.

It's a mystery where she gets that language from...

This man will never be able to get a real job now. He's ruined forever.

If you want to know your significant others' password, put a ring on it.

I'm sensing a pattern.

This is strangely poetic.

Still less awkward than a real birthday post from your mom.

1.

I think you might be a lactase, because that was a cheesy line.(via reddit)

Tinder has really streamlined the process of nerds getting completely shut down when looking for love. Luckily, it's also streamlined the process of the dorkiest people alive finding and falling for each other. These are their stories.

2.

Witty and not a terrifying ginger—this guy's got everything.(via reddit)

3.

This is getting hot. (via imgur)

4.

Like love, economics is completely baffling.(via reddit)

5.

What it's like to sext J.K. Rowling.(via imgur)

6.

Let's hope Latin is the only dead tongue in his life.(via imgur)

7.

Better writing than the prequels, by far.(via reddit)

8.

She laughed because reading that gave her a stroke.(via imgur)

9.

She should have specified "Guantanamo Bay, Cuba"(via reddit)

10.

From aiding and abetting to eating and a bedding. (via imgur)

11.

The only relationship games worth playing are the ones by Milton Bradley.(via imgur)

12.

Checkmate.(via reddit)

Welcome to This Week in GOOP, where Gwyneth Paltrow's condescension is strong enough for a man but made for a woman.

As you've probably heard by now, Gwynnie tried and failed to feed herself for a week on just $29 as part of the #FoodBankNYCChallenge. And while there are a billion jokes I could make about that – including wondering why the hell her grocery haul included seven limes for one week when the only time I've ever used that many so fast was when they were accompanied by a shaker of salt and a bottle of tequila – alas, I can't give her too much shit about it.

This is what $29 gets you at the grocery store—what families on SNAP (i.e. food stamps) have to live on for a week. pic.twitter.com/OZMPA3nxij
— Gwyneth Paltrow (@GwynethPaltrow) April 9, 2015

Truth is she brought attention to an issue that sorely needed it, and wrote about it pretty damned eloquently to boot. She exhibited a rare understanding of, you know, actual human beings, so on this issue, I'm happy to give Gwynnie a round of applause. Credit where it's due.

And – bonus! – having such a limited number of ingredients to work with produced some fairly simple recipes you could probably make without the assistance of a Food Network celebrity. Except maybe the Black Bean Cakes, which I swear use a little of EVERY SINGLE THING SHE BOUGHT and whose instructions start with “combine the first 6 ingredients in a food processor."

Oh, Gwynnie. Good to have you back.

Now let's move along and cleanse our palates with the Spring Bag Guide. There are a few token selections for the poors among you, like a $40 H&M drawstring bag and a $98 Ann Taylor crossbody bag. They're fine, but when you spend thousands instead, you're clearly buying quality in both materials and design. [cough]

Take, for example, this $1900 Celine curved clutch. Or as I call it, the "needs more cowbell" bag.

Next we have an array of personalized jewelry, which includes a $1300 pinky ring, a $5000 Tiffany bracelet and, oddly, some $1050 “shoulder knocker" earrings that you know some nouveau riche soccer mom thinks are sooooo cute.

Meanwhile, her Upper East Side friends privately roll their eyes and whisper “my maid got a pair just like them at Claire's."

And finally, let's peruse the always-entertaining What's New page. That's where you'll find $1700 blazers, $223 canvas totes and phrases like "Love the culottes? They're coming soon." (Which, if you ask me, sounds an awful lot like a terroristic threat.)

Also highlighted is this $900 Mother of Pearl disaster that expertly combines three utterly unwearable patterns in one vertigo-inducing dress.

Styled, of course, with $770 Stella McCartney sandals made of polyester, acrylic and polyurethane that will no doubt leave your feet sweaty and fragrant as an NBA locker room!

As always, Gwynnie, we're not worthy.

Frustrated by a four-game losing streak, Cincinnati Reds manager Bryan Price lashed out at the media.

In the world of sports, no manager wants to address the media when his team has lost seven of its last eight games. But most of them contain their anger better than Cincinnati Reds manager Bryan Price. When Price was confronted by reporters about the absence of All-Star catcher Devin Mesoraco at Sunday's game, he gave a terse answer and left it at that: at least until the TV reporters left the room. With 10 assorted reporters left, he launched into an epic 5-minute, 34-second rant containing 77 f-bombs and 11 s-bombs. Here's the full transcript, including his interactions with Enquirer Media reporter C. Trent Rosecrans:

Price: Can I ask you a question?

Rosecrans: Sure

Price: I don't understand what the importance is for everybody to know if we have a player that's not here. We don't benefit from the other teams knowing we don't have a player. It does — you don't have to be a Reds fan, but it doesn't help us if our opponents know who is here and who isn't. That's what I want to know.

Rosecrans: Well, as a fan, I'm wondering, here's a spot for Devin Mesoraco, why isn't he there?

Price: Where was the spot?

Rosecrans: As a pinch-hitter? He's an All-Star with 25 home runs last year, I know I asked if it was a left-handed bat thing, you said no.

Price: I don't get it. It's, you know, look, I don't need you guys to be fans of the Reds, I just need to know if there's something we want to keep here, it stays here. We don't need to know that Tucker Barnhart's in the f****** airport when we haven't spoken to Kyle Skipworth. I think we owe that f******* kid the right to be called and told that he's going to be sent down as opposed to reading that Tucker Barnhart is on his way from Louisville. I just... I don't get it. I don't get why it's got to be this way. Has it always been this way where we just tell f****** everybody everything? So every f****** opponent we have has to know exactly what we have. Which f****** relievers are available, which guys are here and which guys aren't here, when they can play, and what they can do. It's nobody's f****** business. It's certainly not the opponent's business. We have to deal with this f****** b*******.

I like to talk — and I have spoken as candidly as I can with you people, if that's not good enough, I won't say a f******thing. I'll go, 'yes sir, no sir.' And I can do that. But f***, I've been as candid as I can f****** be about this team and our players, and we've got to deal with this s***, every f****** team that we f****** play has to know every f****** guy that's here and what they can and can't do? F*** me. It's a f****** disgrace. I'm f****** sick of this s***. It's f****** hard enough to f****** win here to have f****** every f****** opponent know exactly what the f*** we bring to the table every day. It's f****** horse****. I don't like it. It's what I'm saying. To make it very clear, I don't like the way that this s***'s going — at all. I don't like it. I don't think you guys need to know everything. And I certainly don't think you need to see something and tweet it out there and make it a f****** world event. How the f*** do we benefit from them knowing we don't have Devin Mesoraco? How do we benefit from that? They benefit from it. I just want to know how we benefit from these f****** people know we don't have a player here. Can you answer that? How is that good for the Reds?

Rosecrans: I don't know…

Price: Yeah, well it's making my job f****** harder.

Rosecrans: I'm sure it is.

Price: Well, thank you. I don't know if that's what we're supposed to do. Are we supposed to f****** open up everything here for everybody to know all the f****** time? That's all I want to know, what your expectations are, because f*** me. If I've got f****** to tell these guys, we gotta go out there and they know we don't have f****** Devin Mesoraco, what f****** benefit is that to me as a manager? And our team to win a f****** game?

Rosecrans: He hasn't been there for a week-and-a-half

Price: I just want an answer on how we benefit from them knowing that Devin Mesoraco isn't here.

Rosecrans: I don't think you do and I don't know that that's my job.

Price: Your job is not to sniff out every f****** thing is about the Reds and f****** put it out there for every other f****** guy to hear. It's not your job. You want me to be candid with you? I've been candid with you. I f****** talk to you guys like men, I tell you what the f***'s going on with the team, I tell you how I'm feeling as candidly as I can and then this s***? You've got to watch this f****** s***? I've got to f****** read that on a f****** Tweet on our own people in here that we don't have a f****** player? How the f*** does that benefit the Reds? It doesn't benefit us one f****** bit. God **** we try to go out there and win f****** games and I got to come in here and then you guys f****** blow it all over the f****** place? Who we can play? Who we can't? I'll tell you what you want to know, I'm not going to f****** lie to you. I didn't tell you f****** s***.

Rosecrans: You did not lie to me and I appreciate it.

Price: Ah, f***. I'm just, I'm f****** p****** up a rope in this f****** business. Because everyone has to know everything all the f****** time. That's not my f****** obligation, it's not their obligation. You know why f****** Billy Hamilton didn't f****** play? The other day? Because his f****** finger's hurt and he couldn't hit right-handed comfortably. Right? So that's something that I need to know and no one else needs to know. No one else needs to f****** know it, and all of a sudden it's out there. His f****** fingers are sore. It doesn't benefit us. It wasn't from you, but it doesn't benefit us one bit to f****** announce to the f****** other teams that we're playing to bring in lefties when they need to f****** get Billy out. There's no benefit. So, I'm f******, to be honest with you, I'm f****** sick of this s***. I'm sick of listening to this f****** s***, I'm sick of f****** the f****** second-guessing b*******, you guys can do whatever the f*** you want, but I'll tell you this — I'm not going to f****** tell you everything about this f****** club, because you f****** guys are going to out there and sniff it out anyway. I don't f****** like it one f****** bit. I bend over backwards to be honest and direct with you f****** guys and you stick it right up my f****** a** — and the f****** team's a**. And I'm sick of it. What do you got? If you don't got anything, get out and I'll do this f****** interview with Marty. You don't have anything? Just get out, please.

Talk about team pride: after that outburst, Price must have been Reds in the face. If he sees this and wants to use that line, he can. It might make him look like less of a total psycho.

A mausoleum for the dead wife of a once-powerful gingerbread man perhaps?

Just the Taj Mahal made of toast left on a street corner in #peckhampic.twitter.com/l5Vd3JwUXH
— Tom McKenzie (@Kenzie16Mc) April 18, 2015

Add this to the Seven (bread-related) Wonders of The World next to the world's largest pizza and the sentient dough that came to be known as the Pillsbury Doughboy: someone made a beautiful replica of the Taj Mahal out of toast.

The artist appears to have created this masterwork with no thought about compensation or recognition. He or she merely left it on a random London street corner. Like a delicious Banksy. It's the greatest piece of art since sliced bread.

After a "Day of Silence" for anti-gay bullying, some students responded with an Anti-Gay Day.

That upside down cross isn't the least holy thing I'm seeing.(via BuzzFeed News)

There is a trend with people who have hateful ideas to kind of mimic the efforts of marginalized groups trying to bring attention to the challenges they face. As though having an Anti-Gay Day, full of lynch lists and nooses being hung around the school, is the equivalent of painting your face with a rainbow and spending an afternoon in reflective silence to honor people who have been bullied for their sexuality. These things are not the same, because one is driven by hateful ignorance.

In Pennsylvania, at McGuffey High School, the Gay-Straight Alliance held a "Day of Silence" on a Wednesday, dressing in black, staying quiet and painting their face with rainbows. The annual event was meant to raise awareness of anti-gay bullying and is organized across the world by GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network.

The next morning another group of students arrived dressed all in plaid, with the words, "Anti-Gay" written on their hands. According to student witnesses, these flannel wearers started leaving notes on gay classmates' lockers, pushing them around, publishing Bible verses to Instagram with tags of gay classmates' names and a noose was tied to a flag in a classroom.

Nothing to see here, just a bunch of dudes dressed up like lumberjacks.(via BuzzFeed News)

The ONLY good side to this ugliness is the support shown for gay students by townsfolk disgusted by this Anti-Gay Day awfulness. A small group of protestors gathered outside McDuffey and there's been a lot of people from outside the town posting their love on the protestor's Facebook event page.

Spread love.(via Facebook)

Hopefully, these homophobic kids are just misguided and will one day look at flannel tucked into belted jeans with shuddering horror. I know I do.

The staff of a historic manor in the UK went above and beyond to cheer up a heartbroken little boy.

Memories to last a lifetime.(Steven Hirschorn via BBC)

Three-year-old Ollie Hirschorn was on a trip with his family to visit Hughenden Manor when the unthinkable happened: he lost his toy lion, Liley. Any parents can tell you that this is a doomsday scenario for a little kid, and this case was no different. According to Ollie's father Steve, he was "devastated."

Fearing this exact instance, Steve had already bought a back-up Liley, but Ollie was too smart for that. He wanted his "good Liley" back. Steve reached out to the staff at Hughenden, who found Liley two days later. Most museums would have just stuck him in a lost-and-found and told the Hirschorns to pick him up in a month or he'd be incinerated, but not these heroes. They decided to send Liley home in style. As conservation assistant Charlotte Russell said:

"Our office thought it would be a nice idea to take photos of him in different places around the manor - so the boy could see he had had an adventure."

And what an adventure he had!

He surveyed the lushly-appointed parlors.(Hughenden Manor via Metro)

He got to raid the pantry.(Hughenden Manor via Metro)

He made a new friend in the garden.(Hughenden Manor via Metro)

He even took a nap in one of the luxurious beds.(Hughenden Manor via Metro)

Hughenden Manor is a historic site in Buckinghamshire, operated by the National Trust. Originally settled in the 11th century, the current manor house dates from the late 18th. In the 19th century it became the home of Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli, and during World War II, it was used as secret intelligence base, where maps were drafted for bombing missions. However, history will remember it best for this Liley episode.

The entrance facade at Hughenden. Liley should've stayed.(via Wikipedia)

Steven Hirschorn reports that Ollie was delighted to have Liley back, and enjoyed playing with the stickers the Hughenden staff sent along with him. The only danger is that now he'll leave Liley everywhere his family goes on vacation. Then he'll have the most cultured, well-travelled lion in the world.

Daredevil: The man without fear of Harry Anderson.

Opening credit mashup videos are a dime a dozen*, sure, but this Daredevil/Night Court opening credit video by Popped Culture is well done. And, more importantly, it will hopefully inspire the Daredevil writers to make use of the same very special guest star Night Court used in this episode:

Wile E. Coyote runs off a building, and Daredevil leaps to save him? Just think about it, guys. THINK ABOUT HOW GOOD IT WOULD BE.

* That is 100% a true fact and not just lazy use of a cliche. Statistic taken from the Totally True Report on How Much Internet Videos Cost, compiled by the Pew Research Center.

This man's Go-Pro video of his desk job will make your heart beat at a very steady rate.

Go-Pro's tagline is "be a hero" which is the prefect description of the man who made this video. He broke the mold. He traversed uncharted territory. He challenged the norm. In this case, "the norm" means using your Go-Pro to film exhilarating stunts and outdoor activities (or animal viewpoints). This man was brave enough to use a Go-Pro like it's never been used before: to document a day at his monotonous desk job.

The most impressive part of this video is how much he accomplished in one day. Do you do complete even half as many tasks in a day as this guy? He did all these things and more:

1. Stuffed a stack of letters like a pro.
2. Wasted very little time online.
3. Multi-tasked on the toilet.
4. Used ALL FUNCTIONS of a combined copy/fax/scanning machine.
5. Pen tricks!

I bet we'd all get a lot more done at our mind-numbing office jobs if we blasted the awesome techno soundtrack from this video.

This woman just gave us all yet another reason to stop reading: it turns you into a rude human being.

"I'm trying to stay up, but this chapter of Moby Dick is so boring!"
(photo via Gothamist)

You can't please all the people all the time, but you can piss everyone off pretty easily. Case in point: this young woman who decided to make a subway train her living room by reclining and reading a book. It's one thing to look aloof and read some esoteric novel to show you don't care, it's quite another to prove you don't care by using your whole body to cover a space where three people could sit.

1. Congress May Finally Acknowledge Loretta Lynch Has Been Sitting Here The Whole Time

After five months of the GOP refusing to allow a vote on confirmation for President Obama's nominee for Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, Congress may (repeat: may) finally let her take over the job of being the most-hated person in Obama's administration. The GOP denied their obstruction of the Obama administration's ability to function efficiently by delaying a 2-hour vote was an attempt to obstruct the Obama administration's ability to function efficiently, insisting it really was an honest five-month fight to keep women caught in sex trafficking situations from being able to obtain abortions in cases of rape and incest.

Still no up or down Loretta Lynch vote? I'm startin' to think some GOP Senators have a little man-crush on Eric Holder.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 19, 2015

2. Iranian Negotiations Politely Ignoring U.S. Aircraft Carrier Moving To Intercept Iranian Shipment Of Weapons To Rebels In Yemen

While negotiations on reining in Iran's nuclear program continue, the nuclear aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt and the guided-missile cruiser USS Normandy are currently sailing from the Persian Gulf to the Arabian Sea to enforce a U.N. blockade on weapons shipments to Houthi rebels in Yemen. Those weapons shipments just happen to be almost exclusively Iranian. Although the U.S. maintains drone bases and special forces in Yemen, the fight there is mostly turning into a proxy war between Iran and a coalition of U.S.-allied gulf states led by Saudia Arabia.

I've got a tip for those US ships trying to blockade the Iranians: D8.

— Matt Nedostup (@nedostup) April 21, 2015

3. Astrophysicists Are Concerned About The Big Hole In The Universe Threatening To Destroy Physics

The universe has a mass problem, specifically that there's a very big chunk of it that's way emptier than it should be. This area is known as the "supervoid," it's 1.8 billion light-years across, and it's about 20% emptier than normal, already-empty space. It's also pissing off scientists, because light takes way too long to cross it (empty space expands, so even though light moves at a constant speed, it's crossing an ever-expanding amount of space in empty regions)—longer than even its emptiness can explain, which hints at as-yet-unknown "exotic physics," which is science slang for "finding out we've been wrong about everything."

Scientists: 1.8b lightyear "supervoid" is emptiest spot in the 'verse. wait, hipsters moved in. Now bankers. OK, void's officially over now.

— Johnny McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) April 21, 2015

4. Only 107 Days And Even Fewer Episodes Left Before Jon Stewart Takes Over For Craig Kilborn As The Former Host Of 'The Daily Show'

Putting a timeline on the news everyone has discussed and no one has really accepted, Jon Stewartannounced that he will be replacing Craig Kilborn as the chief former host of The Daily Showon August 6th. This will set the stage for Trevor Noah to be the first permanent host to be unfairly compared to Jon Stewart and for whatever project Stewart joins next to inevitably disappoint fans who just wanted more Daily Show.

To be clear, Jon Stewart is retiring from The Daily Show so he can run for president and save our country, right?

— Mark Duplass (@MarkDuplass) April 21, 2015

5. I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream At The Thought Of How Much Listeria Bacteria Is In Blue Bell Ice Cream

Texas-based Blue Bell Creameries make the favorite ice cream of Texas and its neighboring states, which is maybe why residents put up with ten infections and three deaths from Listeria contamination over the past five years. That's what the CDC discovered upon a review of Listeria infections in the region prompted by recent discoveries of the bacteria in Blue Bell ice cream. Blue Bell has, upon finding it in two chocolate chip ice cream samples yesterday, recalled all their products for containing unsafe levels of the potentially fatal sepsis- and meningitis-causing bacteria.

Blue Bell ice cream will help with my diet since I'll lose so much weight from Listeria.

— Bez (@Bez) April 21, 2015

The day has come for us to prepare to say goodbye (in a few months).

Jon Stewart is leaving. It's time for us to accept that.

He's even given us the exact date: August 6th, 2015.

It's no longer some nebulous time in the near future but a specific date, after which he'll be taken to a farm upstate where he will play all day with our other favorite hosts who have departed from TV. Don't cry because it's almost over. Smile because you might also have a chance to get tickets to one of his final shows.

For a chance to win a free trip to NYC to see Jon Stewart's final show go to: omaze.com/dailyshow.

Jessi has nothing on Batman. (via)

Love is forever, except when it's not. When the tears fade and the deep emotional wounds start to heal, you may find yourself with an unfortunately permanent reminder of the person you thought you'd want a permanent reminder of. If that happens, consider covering up your romantic tattoo with a much less romantic skull face. Or curse word. Or really, anything, because the most hideous tattoo in the world is better than having the name of someone you now hate emblazoned on your chest. We promised we wouldn't say, "We told you so," so we'll just say, "You're stupid and you got what you deserve."

A tattoo to show the void she left in your heart. (via)

This feather definitely looks better than the name "Dando."(via)

When you can't take the wedding band off. (via)

Andy crossed out the tat of her name and added "I Deserve That." (via)

Looks like Jeffrey got caught in the wrong honeypot.(via)

Subtlety has no place in a breakup.(via)

Every girl gets a font. (via)

Shame she had him when he was a gross caterpillar. (via)

I assume she means the hockey player. And she's right. (via)

No reason a strong independent woman can't have a tattoo of her own name. (via)

It's ironic because Gary never bought her flowers.(via)

A classic from the wrist of Katie Price. (via)

This is the modern day version of "It's better to have loved and lost..."

It's always reassuring when an ex's looks fade after a breakup. (via)

Not so much a coverup as an invitation to ask him about the worst relationship he's ever had. (Via)

Dick, short for Dicholas.

All tattoos eventually return to dust.(via)

We'd all like to do this to certain parts of our exes' bodies.(via)

She's a great singer who broke his heart.(via)

With a tattoo this awesome, their abusive relationship was worth it!(via)

Now she has to think about a butterfly all the time, though.(via)

Sometimes people get tattoos of arcangel boyfriends' names. It's always a mistake.(via)

Jane hated black and white swirls.(via)

They broke up because she kept shaving patches of his body.(via)

This way he and Cindy could still get back together!(via)

Yikes! Daisy got off easy.(via)

It would be so awkward if she broke up with her mom now.(via)

What a relief to cover that unsightly heart with two unsightly roses!(via)

Tramp stamp restored to its single gal glory.(via)

Janine took everything back but the tattoo of her name.(via)

0% Tony.(via)

There's only so much you can do for someone with a neck tattoo.(via)

Bonus: birds did not feature prominently in their relationship.(via)

To be fair, I've observed screaming of this sort on about a third of all subway cars I've been on.

It's late. You're tired. You just want to go home, kick back with a cold glass of Caipirinha and maybe watch a little futebol. Unfortunately, you live in Brazil, which means that you're constantly getting effed with by Programa Silvio Santos and its team of people who go to great lengths to keep you in a state of constant anxiety.

So, even if you get off one train haunted by a spooky little girl ghost, you're bound to step onto one that's being attacked by a herd of ravenous zombies:

You're probably better off just taking the bus.

On second thought...