Actor George Clooney brought home his barrister wife Amal so that we could learn about transparent tarts.

Amal wore her Pocahontas costume for this field trip to learn about American heritage. (via Facebook)

Earlier this week, the Clooneys made their way to Augusta, Kentucky, Mr. Clooney's hometown, for a family reunion. Among other stops on their tour of how the normos live, they made a visit to Magee's Bakery, where they took this photo with the owners.

It's hard not to love the owners for the way they described this photo on their Facebook page:

It quickly became clear that even when the star of Tomorrowland is around, the real star of Magee's Bakery is the transparent tarts. Russell Dickson, who co-owns the bakery, told E! that George and his wife "both ordered transparents. It's also called clear pie or cellophane pie. It's made of eggs, butter, sugar and milk. It was her first time having one and she absolutely loved it."

Here's a whole bunch of transparents, ready for Amal to declare her love to them:

"Transparents" starring George Clooney. Fall 2016.(via Facebook)

Apparently, some people call them tarts and some people call them pudding. Them Hollywood types call it Jill Soloway Surprise.

I'm pretty sure this is the protagonist of "Magee's Bakery," the movie:

Magee? (via Facebook)

Sure, Georgie and his wife are nice, but other exciting things happen at Magee's Bakery, too.

"The day started out sort of nice, then the rain moved in." That's what they said when ol' Georgie Boy came home, too.

After an exhausting 8th-grade class trip to Washington, DC, Southwest runs over woman's luggage on the tarmac.

“That's the inside, and what I see is this pink dribble coming down. It's my Pepto-Bismol leaking." (via CBS Sacramento)

Michelle Barry-Walsh had her luggage returned to her on the return carousel at Sacramento International Airport full of gaping holes and tears, looking like Clifford the big red dog's favorite chew toy. Barry-Walsh's bag was the victim of one of those travel nightmares you know must happen all the time, and you dread the day it happens to you. Her bag had bounced off a luggage truck on the tarmac and had been run over.

Southwest apologized by replacing the bag with a thin, lightweight version of the rolling case and a check for $80. Barry-Walsh complained, “This is like a $5 Target bag. That was part of an American Tourister set." Now, I have also owned a set of American Tourister bags, and they are not the most resilient bags I've ever owned. I know for certain they are no match compared to tires.

Barry-Walsh felt the check and the thin bag was not enough to make up for her checked and ruined bag. She posted photos of her destroyed baggage on Southwest's Facebook page. She received an additional $75 in travel vouchers and another apology.

HBO released a teaser for a tennis mockumentary starring Andy Samberg and Kit Harrington.

The movie, 7 Days in Hell, premieres July 11 and is about a very, very long tennis match. While watching a never-ending sporting event in real life sounds like a true nightmare, I'm pretty intrigued by the actors' vibes:

While Samberg doesn't appear to be straying too far from his "Dick In A Box" ensemble...

(via hulu.tumblr.com)

...Kit Harrington is definitely leaving his Game of Thrones roots behind.

And I know this doesn't really make sense, but I have to say, the appearance of Serena Williams in the trailer somehow makes me feel like this is a "legitimate" fake tennis documentary.

(via HBO)

A high school geometry teacher in Alameda, California asked students to do something that had nothing to do with geometry.

If this story were about a sex ed teacher, it might make a little sense. It would still be creepy, but not quite as baffling. As it is, I have no idea why a high school geometry teacher would ask his a bunch of sophomores to take selfies with their parents' sex toys and condoms as an extra credit assignment. And neither do the parents.

Now, they're calling for him to be fired. The school so far has stood by the unnamed teacher, at first telling the concerned parents that the assignment was a joke. It is possible that this could be a very poorly-conceived joke, but that doesn't explain why at least one student completed it. As one of the parents, Evangeline Garcia, told CBS News:

"If the kids took it as a joke, then why did one kid take it serious and actually did the extra credit work, and was shown as an example in class?"

If it was a joke, the time for it to end was when the student actually turned in the assignment. I don't know who this crazy-ass teacher is, but if he's showing the whole class a photo of one of their classmates with their parents' dildos, he's either looking to get fired or completely insane. Now, Garcia and other parents say they want him out, but the school is being tight-lipped on the whole issue. Garcia told CBS:

“We don't feel comfortable with our children in his presence. All they could tell us is that, 'Oh, this is an HR issue. It's being investigated.' They are not at liberty to tell me anything other than that. It's kinda been the runaround."

Susan Davis of the Alameda Unified School District refused to comment to reporters, telling them that "it's an ongoing investigation." I don't know how much investigation this would take. Get him out of there!

Generally I don't side with overprotective parents who try to get teachers fired, but this guy has made some colossally bad judgement calls. Just based on his critical thinking skills, I'm worried about his ability to even teach geometry. If he thinks showing dildos to a math class is OK, what are the chances he's adequately explaining the Pythagorean Theorem? Those kids probably think the hypotenuse is a kind of butt plug.

The "Orange is the New Black" star shared some thoughts on representation in the trans community and people started responding.

I had so many thoughts about @CaitlynJenner @vanityfair cover I needed a longer format to discuss them. Check out my full remarks on Tumblr http://lavernecox.tumblr.com/post/120503412651/on-may-29-2014-the-issue-of-timemagazine
A photo posted by laverne cox (@lavernecox) on Jun 1, 2015 at 10:02pm PDT

One of the very cool and okay things that happens to women is that they're constantly judged by their looks. This is the case with transgender women as well. Caitlyn Jenner's Vanity Fair cover has sparked a lot of conversations, but one of them is about how even though support and visibility for transgender people is at an all time high in the mainstream media, the women representing them are still fitting pretty closely with our society's narrow vision of beauty. Yeah, Caitlyn Jenner looks great and very feminine, but she's not what all trans women look like.

Laverne Cox, who appeared on the cover of TIME, wrote a long post in response to Jenner's reveal on Tumblr:

Now, there are many trans folks because of genetics and/or lack of material access who will never be able to embody these standards. More importantly many trans folks don't want to embody them and we shouldn't have to to be seen as ourselves and respected as ourselves. It is important to note that these standards are also infomed by race, class and ability among other intersections.

Crystal Frasier was inspired by Cox's words and kicked off a meme on Tumblr, posting her own version of a Vanity Fair cover, writing:

I've felt frustrated and useless and overwhelmed by opinions on transgender women and how we're “supposed” to look if we want to be taken seriously. But not all of us adhere to those standards. Not all of us want to. Not all of us can. Some of us do, but only out of fear. Some of us do but we aren't sure why. And whether we fit those standards or not, we're beautiful, and we all deserve to feel beautiful, and be acknowledged by the world. Admiration and praise for trans women shouldn't only come if we fit a narrow definition of beauty. As a good friend of mine said Monday “Where's my Vanity Fair cover?”

I want that hair.(via Ramble On Amazon)

More and more people have jumped on board and are posting their covers that show the diversity of looks within the transgender community, using the hashtag #MyVanityFairCover. They're pretty great:

#MyVanityFairCover is for the transgender out there who need a voice who want to be heard! This is out time to shine. pic.twitter.com/BKtcZsdQLA

— Marly-Jay MonroeⓂ️ (@marlymonroe) June 5, 2015

Transfeminine and pansexual. Non binary trans IS "trans enough". Don't forget us. We exist. #MyVanityFairCoverpic.twitter.com/k6bDaVEeP2

— Nillin Dennison (@TheBattlecorn) June 5, 2015

#MyVanityFairCover because we're all different. pic.twitter.com/Z2VNEbxqGo

— Helen Highwater (@helen__schmelen) June 5, 2015

@AmazonChique thank u + love u for this amazing #MyVanityFairCover template! What a beautiful idea❤️#TransIsBeautiful pic.twitter.com/WIior6dVHV

— Dani (@danielgaga) June 5, 2015

trans people are everywhere #MyVanityFairCoverpic.twitter.com/oCCDIgTX8T

— levi // they (@boycotlife) June 4, 2015

Looking good, everybody, in all your varieties.

Or maybe the church struck the sky with lightning? Either way, it's a bad omen.

Witness God's mighty power as he strikes the St. Gerard Church in Grand Isle, Maine. Why God would want to strike a house of worship is still unclear, but He does work in mysterious ways. I guess if He struck the houses next door, that would look really bad.

"Ah, you bastard!"

Scaring people is one of life's great joys. Not actually hurting people, just scaring them a little. And everybody is fun to scare. (Well, almost everybody. I'm sure there are some people out there with a hair-trigger vomit reflex and low tolerance for being startled. They're probably not so much fun.) Some people, though, are really fun to scare. I think I'm probably one of those people, based upon the frequency with which my wife is compelled to hide behind doors and lurk in closets.

This guy in the video here is also really fun to scare, as his camera-wielding son has discovered. If he laughed off the shock, his son probably wouldn't delight so much in sneaking up on him. But he doesn't, and his reactions keep getting funnier and funnier as the compilation goes on.

Sometimes a small gesture can make a big difference.

Avenger for feminism. (via Getty)

Opposition to feminism is weird enough when it's coming from men. But at least then, you can kind of understand it. Kind of. It's still highly idiotic, but you can at least imagine why a pathetic dude might want an easy way to believe he's automatically superior to half the people on the planet, based solely on his genre of genitalia.

What's really weird, though, is the phenomenon of women being opposed to feminism. As you may or may not be aware there's this infuriatingly silly meme that started a year or so ago, in which women post photos of themselves holding signs explaining why they don't need feminism. Like so:

Ugh, right?(via Women Against Feminism)

Anyway, I could spend all day diatribe-ing about why the arguments on the Women Against Feminism website are absurd and retrograde. Fortunately, I don't have to. A blogger named Libby Anne Bruce has already written the perfect response, cutting every half-baked argument into pieces of shreds of shards of bits. And the only reason why I know about her response is that Mark Ruffalo—who plays Bruce Banner/The Hulk in the Avengers movies—shared it with the world on his personal blog. Here's a particularly good excerpt:

"You're spitting on the legacy of every woman who fought for women to be allowed to own property (1848). For the abolition of slavery and the rise of the labor union. For the right to divorce. For women to be allowed to have access to birth control...

"In short, you know not what you speak of. You reap the rewards of these women's sacrifices every day of your life. When you grin with your cutsey sign about how you're not a feminist, you ignorantly spit on the sacred struggle of the past 200 years. You bite the hand that has fed you freedom, safety, and a voice.

"In short, kiss my ass, you ignorant little jerks."

The fact that some actor dude reposted somebody's blog post about a feminist issue may not seem like a big deal, and maybe it's not. But it's at least a medium-sized deal. For one thing, putting a well-known face on an important issue does get the message out. Case in point, this blog post that discusses it at length.

For another thing, it does a little bit to counteract the stupid slut-shaming comments that Ruffalo's co-stars Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans made on the Avengers: Age of Ultron publicity tour.

For what it's worth, Ruffalo also gave a really good response to sexist accusations against Age of Ultron writer/director Joss Whedon during a Reddit AMA a few weeks back. It's worth reading, and it shows how thoughtful he is on the matter.

Japanese artist Masayoshi Matsumoto makes balloon animals, but we're not talking about amateur hour dog stuff.

Here is the balloon jellyfish in its natural habitat, a dark void of nothingness.
(all images via Matsumoto's Tumblr)

Matsumoto only uses balloons to make these creations, and says he never uses markers or adhesive. I'm guessing that's because in the world of balloon animal auteurs, glue is essentially plagiarism. Here are some of the coolest creatures from his Tumblr:

Unlike its helium balloon brothers and sisters, this bird cannot fly.

The balloon hermit crab changes its balloon shell zero times in its lifetime.

This is one of the cutest bags of air I've ever seen.

If you drop a balloon fish in water, will it swim? Probably not.

At the break of dawn, this balloon rooster can be found being completely inanimate.

Did balloon birds evolve from balloon dinosaurs? Share your take in the Facebook comments.

This balloon turtle is an orphan, as are all balloon animals. Because balloons have no parents.

This penguin longs to one day leave his little patch of ice, but it cannot be.

The balloon camel uses its humps to store air (as well as its legs, head, feet, and entire body).

And here are the scariest:

Never trust a red-eyed balloon bunny.

This red-eyed balloon bunny knows what I'm talking about.

The gross punishment fit the gross crime: A man masturbating in a Porta Potty got trapped when people pushed it over, covering him in shit.

Sometimes shitty things happen to shitty people. (via Thinkstock)

In Portland Oregon, there's a guy who enjoys masturbating in a Porta Potty with the door open. Personally, I think sitting on a stinking, warm seat over chemicals and strangers' poop while other people can watch sounds like a punishment from one of the lower levels of hell, but we all (literally) get off to different things, I guess. And this guy gets off to it a lot: he had shown off his port-a-package to homeless people in the area several times, and they were sick of it. So on Thursday morning, one of the homeless people who had seen this dude's dick too many times had the idea to kick the back of the Honey Bucket-brand port-o-potty while he was inside.

One woman interviewed by KOMO News said,

(He) was flashing us over and over again, and we asked him multiple times and told him to stop and he wouldn't. Our friend thought it would be funny to get up and jump behind the porta-potty and kick it.

The man got trapped inside and covered in "fecal matter." A fire and rescue crew had to be called in to get him out. Police decided not to arrest him, but one police spokesperson was obviously very proud of himself, telling media, "Physically, he's fine but he had a crappy day." GET IT? CRAPPY DAY?!

The police didn't say why they declined to arrest him. My guess is that they already thought the guy had been punished enough, even though he had repeatedly been dick-terrorizing the same group of people. Plus, we don't even know if the dude disliked the punishment. The port-a-john johnson-stroker might've been one of those guys who enjoys spending time in toilets. And I'm not talking like the Flukeman on the X-Files, I'm talking like this guy who was caught hiding in pit toilets in Maine. By the way, the second time that pit toilet creeper was caught, it was about 15 minutes from where I grew up. I'm so proud.

The guy driving this car does not take feedback well.

There's a time and place for talking on the phone, but there's no time and place for hitting someone with your car. Even if the guy just called you out for gabbing on your cell and driving. Even if he said "f*cking." Maybe we need a "Don't Hit People And Drive" campaign.

The guy on the motorcycle is Samuel Ayres, and he suffered multiple fractures and a concussion from the accident, which happened back in March. There's an online campaign to help with his medical bills.

Did the guy at the wheel hit Ayres on purpose or was he just distracted? We may never know.

Four arctic lampreys were discovered in various locations around Fairbanks.

This is like the world's grossest scavenger hunt. Find the horrifying fish scattered around an urban area. Collect them all and you'll win a prize: the heebie-jeebies.

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game posted these pictures on their Facebook page after multiple Fairbanks residents reported finding the eerie fish in strange spots far from the water. One was discovered in the parking lot Value Village, a local thrift store. The store's owner, Sue Valdrow, told CNN, "Two gentleman came in and asked if we have a bucket with water because there's an eel in your parking lot." This is what I love about Alaskans – their reaction when they find a fish that looks like a mynock is to save it, not shoot it with a blaster.

It's a Star Wars thing. If you didn't get it, you're not a nerd.(via Wikia)

Nobody is certain how these lampreys are winding up in town, but the Department of Fish and Game has a theory: gulls. The birds are catching the fish out of the Chena River and dropping them mid-flight. It's not surprising that after a few miles, a gull would regret its decision to eat one of these things and ditch it for some garbage. The ADF&G's theory is backed up by cuts and punctures on the side of the lampreys that may be from a gull's claws.

The arctic lamprey is easily confused for an eel, but it's actually even more disgusting than that. They young are blind and spend their first years living in the river mud, eating microorganisms. Then they mature, and attach themselves to larger fish as parasites. But on the bright side, they die soon after spawning. Most Alaskans go their entire lives without seeing one, which isn't surprising, because people still live in Alaska.

The Department of Fish and Game is encouraging anyone who finds a lamprey to turn it in for scientific study. Experts believe that by examining more live specimens, they may be able to finally figure out why God hates us so much.

Sweet dreams, everybody!

The "Hold a Coke with your boobs" challenge raises awareness of Coke and boobs, but doesn't actually do much for breast cancer. Except piss off people with breast cancer, like Aimee Fletcher.

Actual breast cancer patient Aimee Fletcher. (via Twitter)

It can be hard to make critical statements about about kinda shady "challenges" that claim they're being done for the sake of a good cause. When you criticize them, it's easy for people involved to play the victim and say something like, "Hey, we're just trying to support people with breast cancer!"

Such is the case with the "Hold a Coke with your boobs" challenge, which was started by a porn "recruiter," Danny Frost, and model Gemma Jaxx. (The fact that these people are related to the porn industry has nothing to do with whether or not the challenge is good-hearted, by the way.) What's followed is a lot of women showing off their chests with sodas between their boobs, and not a lot of actual support of the fight against breast-cancer. Here's an example:

#holdacokewithyourboobchallange this is a charity initiative we fully support. In aid of Breast cancer. Who's next?! pic.twitter.com/MAKS0DxR8b

— Show Tell Play (@ShowTellPlay) June 3, 2015

The Facebook page for the challenge says that it's "Reminding women to get your mammogram and donate to Breast cancer awareness." But the challenge isn't attached to a specific charity. And while I know that raising awareness is never a bad thing, you know what's maybe a better thing? Giving time and money to charities that are researching breast cancer cures and helping women who are undergoing treatment, not just posting or looking at a picture of tits. Don't get me wrong, looking at tits can be fun. But you shouldn't stare at boobies and feel like by just doing that, you've done something Good For The World.

Actual breast cancer patient Aimee Fletcher brought up another great point about the already-shifty challenge — that, as she told BuzzFeed News, "Breast cancer is not fun and sexy." And that "The treatment is grueling… It's not glamorous and why people decide to take photos of the part of the body that breast cancer destroys is beyond me." That's why Fletcher shared her own, perfect response to this not-actual-helping-pretty-much-anyone challenge:

Here's my #holdacokewithyourboobchallange don't I look beautiful #breastcancer#TheCWord@youngbcblogpic.twitter.com/nvHHLkoeRz
— Aimee Fletcher (@aimeefletch82) June 4, 2015

If you'd like to actually donate to help fight breast cancer, Charity Navigator has a good list of charities that are working to cure breast cancer and support women who have it.

It's because he was dressed like a Stormtrooper.

This isn't the hobby you're looking for.(via 7 News)

There's nothing wrong with buying an accurate Star Wars Stormtrooper costume and wearing it around town. You might get some stares, but that's probably what you want. There is something wrong with wearing it and loitering in front of an elementary school. That's liable to get you arrested.

That's what happened to this unlucky member of the Imperial Army. He appeared in front of Brickett Elementary School in Lynn, Massachusetts on Wednesday just moments before class was meant to let out. Parents there to pick up their children were shocked and afraid. They didn't know what he was going to do – he was holding a blaster, and they didn't want anyone to wind up like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. The principal noticed him and delayed dismissal until police showed up. Officers immediately arrested him and removed his mask, identifying him as a local man, 40-year-old George Cross.

Luckily, it turned out his laser gun was fake (because laser guns aren't real) and he claims his intentions were totally benign. He bristled at questions from 7 News reporters after his arraignment:

"Like I'm some kind of weirdo? I bought a costume, I was walking through the neighborhood showing friends, and then all that."

By "all that," he meant his charges of disturbing a school and loitering within 1,000 feet of a school. Those charges aren't even that bad considering his behavior. His story of "showing friends" is pretty sketchy. Are his friends 7? They would be the most impressed by the costume. If they're not, then why was he meeting them in front of an elementary school right when it was letting out? I don't think he was going to do anything bad – I think he wanted to get a reaction out of a bunch of kids. He just didn't count on the reaction of all the adults.

But what do you expect? He's a stormtrooper – they're famously weak-minded.

After railing against Jenner in a Facebook post, this man changed his perspective when he discovered the source of a photo he used.

You may have seen this post circulating around the Internet the past few days. What made this post spread was not the message, but the ironic choice of photo. The image used by Facebook user Terry Coffey is not a real war photograph, but a realistically composed shot of two toy soldiers built by Mark Hogencamp, a man who was nearly beaten to death for cross-dressing.

Without the bullshit filters, you can see these are well crafted miniatures. (via Buzzfeed)

Hogencamp was profiled in the New York Times in 2011, detailing the horrifying story about how he was nearly beaten to death by five men outside of a bar in 2000. After Hogencamp recovered consciousness and returned home, he was surprised to find a closet full of women's clothing. Suffering from amnesia, he learned that he was a cross-dresser. In fact, the attack on Hogencamp began after he told the group he was a cross-dresser.

Hogencamp cleared his head by creating a miniature World War II scene in his backyard he called "Marwencol." There is a documentary about Hogencamp, his recovery, and creation also titled Marwencol, produced in 2010.

Apparently, the word got around to Terry Coffey about the source of his photo, enough that he went to investigate for himself. Terry was moved by Hogencamp's story to the point of reconsidering his original protest against Caitlyn Jenner. Terry wrote a follow up post to his original outrage:

The photo that accompanied my words yesterday to highlight "true bravery," was chosen from a quick image search. Just wanted something to fit my words. This afternoon, I wanted to find out who the photographer was, so I could credit his work.
In an ironic twist, I have discovered that the photo is part of a documentary created by a man who was beaten nearly to death outside of a bar in 2000.
After spending 9 days in a coma, suffering severe brain damage and being unable to walk or talk for a year, he chose to deal with the pain of the tragic event, by creating an imaginary world of characters and photos and stories, all set in WWII. His work is the subject of an upcoming documentary.
Why was he nearly beaten to death by 5 strangers?
Because he was a cross-dresser.
I could have chosen any one of hundreds of photos depicting bravery, but I chose this one. Do I think it was an accident?
No, I don't.
What happened to this man was cruel, wrong, and unforgivable.
Hate helps nothing
Love wounds no one
and God heals all.
(and irony makes you think)

Coffey's change in perspective is a refreshingly positive end to what began as a declaration of rage, and a good reminder that irony can be a great teacher.

And he finally cut it.

I want to braid it. (photo by Deeana Thomas, via TODAY)

It takes a pretty determined 6-year-old to make a decision like Christian McPhilamy did. When I was six I couldn't sit still for 2 minutes, let alone commit to something for 2 years. You don't have to sit still to grow out your hair, so I guess that's why Christian succeeded.

He and his mother Deeana Thomas always Googled one topic Christian found interesting throughout the day, so they could learn about it together (this seems dangerous, but moms know what they're doing). One day Christian had seen an advertisement on TV for St. Jude's Children Research Hospital. Curious, he asked his mom to search it rather than "cute dogs," or something. That's when he heard about cancer...harsh.

He also discovered hair donation charities and decided he wanted to help. So the great hair growth began. Christian's mom got right on board.

Hanging in there.(photo by Deeana Thomas, via TODAY)

Apparently, Christian got a lot of grief for not subscribing to gender norms. One man even told him he needed a hair cut. After Christian explained he was growing out those blonde waves to donate to cancer patients, the man apologized. Maturity is contagious.

Well, two years later it was finally time to cash in on all that intense follicle generation.

Before and after. I usually cry after a hair cut.(photos by Deeana Thomas, via TODAY)

Way to go, Christian! He donated all those tails to a non-profit called Children with Hair Loss, one of the few organizations that gives hair pieces to children at no cost. Most places charge something for wigs. It's wonderful that this little boy is already getting a leg up on helping people, starting with what he has to give: hair. For adults, remember, most organizations would prefer money, so it's better to only send envelopes of hair to your secret crush.

Moose cut loose in the sluice.

Oh, sure! When a mother moose brings her two adorable little calves into a person's yard so that all three of them can cavort carefree and unashamed in the refreshing streams of a lawn sprinkler, it's "majestic" and "inspiring" and "a reminder that at our deepest core, all animals are bound by a shared heredity."

But when a couple members of an improv team do the same after spending all night at a bar, it's "disgusting" and "illegal" and "your last warning before you're put on a sex offenders list."

So hypocritical.