Father's Day
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Father's Day
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Working out.
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Better or worse.
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Father's Day
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Just desserts.
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Singular gift.
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Article 5
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This year's 'hero dog' award was given to a cat, and you'll want to see why.
Tara the cat saved a 5-year-old boy from a vicious dog attack and was like "NBD."
Cats LOVE awards ceremonies. (via spcaLA)
Cats are the chillsters of the pet world. Sure, they'll occasionally jump and play, or stalk a bird, or come a-runnin' when they hear the siren call of food dispensation. Most of the time, though, cats are good just curling up with a sunbeam and a bit of solitude, and leaving the showy heroics for dogs, the attention whores of the pet world.
But in May of last year, Tara the cat went above and beyond typical cattery when she saved one of her humans from a terrible dog attack. You might remember the story — 5-year-old Jeremy was playing in his Bakersfield, CA front yard when the neighbor's dog ran out, grabbed him by the leg, and started dragging him. But Tara ran up and tackled the pooch, and the entire thing was caught on security cameras:
That's what the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Los Angeles (spcaLA) decided to eschew tradition this year and award their 33rd annual Hero Dog Award to Tara the cat. Madeline Bernstein, President of spcaLA, said of the choice, "We were so impressed by Tara's bravery and fast action that the selection committee decided that a cat this spectacular should be the National Hero Dog."
I suspect that this award is usually given to dogs not just because they put themselves out there a little more, but because they actually look excited when brought to an awards ceremony with a bunch of people and attention. Tara could not give fewer fucks about being a hero dog. Let's see that photo from the top again:
"Why am I away from my house and wearing a goddamn kerchief?"
If a human gave that face when accepting an award, they'd become a meme immediately. I'd be writing about it for this site, all like, "Dame Judy Dench receives Oscar; hates life." But Tara just doesn't care. And really, that's the mark of a true hero — someone who saves a life and gives no shits about the public adoration that comes with it.
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Facebook banned a woman for sharing the awful, sexist messages sent to her.
Facebook apparently can't tell the difference between someone being abusive and someone trying to raise awareness of abuse.
Wait. Hold that thought. pic.twitter.com/fwbczjf2TU
— Clementine Ford (@clementine_ford)
June 21, 2015You might remember Australian writer Clementine Ford — a few days ago, we wrote about her awesome feminist response to an Australian TV show for victim-blaming women who take nude photos:
I have taken nude photos of myself and sent them to lovers. I've taken nude photos of myself when I'm bored. I've taken...
Posted by Clementine Ford on Thursday, June 18, 2015
Shortly after posting this, Ford started receiving a deluge of offensive messages on Facebook, calling her names and asking for nude pics:
Posted by Clementine Ford on Thursday, June 18, 2015
I'm sure the above message was effective, because if there's one thing that convinces me to share a nude pic with a stranger, it's misspelling a word and then replacing the o's with zeros. That's how you know someone is classy.
Ford received over 1,000 messages like this:
Over the last 48 hrs, I've received over 1k msgs asking me for nudes or calling me a slut/whore/cunt. But yeah, I should just stay silent.
— Clementine Ford (@clementine_ford)
June 20, 2015
Trying to raise awareness of the abuse, Ford began reposting the messages she received. But Facebook suspended her account, saying that Ford was "violating community standards."
It's fine for men to message you to call you a filthy whore but it's breaching 'community standards' to post it for people to see. #facebook
— Clementine Ford (@clementine_ford)
June 20, 2015
Throughout this, the abuse from the jerks continued, although Ford also received support from some of her friends:
— Clementine Ford (@clementine_ford)
June 20, 2015Finally, as of last night, Facebook reinstated Ford's account. While Ford is relieved, she also pointed out on Twitter that she had a lot of support that others might not have:
What happened to me was not fair, and it shouldn't be forgotten by them just because I have access to mobilise the troops. #facebook
— Clementine Ford (@clementine_ford)
June 21, 2015Facebook is a huge and powerful tool for raising awareness. Hopefully they will take this as an opportunity to examine how they enforce their community standards, especially since Facebook itself states in its standards that "People can use Facebook challenge ideas, institutions, and practices. Such discussion can promote debate and greater understanding. Sometimes people share content containing someone else's hate speech for the purpose of raising awareness or educating others about that hate speech."
Sounds good, Facebook. Let's see that in action.
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Squirrel at Phillies game proves that America's pastime isn't baseball, it's watching animals.
Summertime in America means fireworks, baseball, apple pie, and watching squirrels do dumb shit.
Here's a joke for you: Why did the squirrel make a killing in the startup world? Because he's a disruptor!*
At the very least, one squirrel provided a serious disruption at a recent Phillies-Cardinals game at Citizen's Bank Park. The squirrel first appeared on the net behind home plate, distracting both fans and players, then proceeded to fall into the Phillies dugout, where it did a cartoon-like job of making all the Phillies players jump up, drop (base)balls, and generally act like people who unexpectedly had a squirrel dive in from the heavens above. The (presumably scared) li'l guy ended up hiding the wall behind the camera equipment.
While the squirrel's finish wasn't super graceful, I think he could still be a serious contender on the double squirrel assault course.
* Ha! Hahaha! I'm sorry.
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Calvin Harris is cat sitting and posting slo-mo videos of Taylor Swift's cats.
While taking care of Taylor Swift's cats, Calvin Harris is doing what any respectable cat-sitter should: sharing cute cat videos.
There are many great spiritual questions in this world: What is the sound of one hand clapping? Does a falling tree make a noise if no one is around to hear it? And if you cat-sit without sharing photos of said cats on the Internet, have you really cat-sit at all?
Of course, we all know the answer to that: nothing is real unless it's posted on the Internet (aka "pics or GTFO"). But we can now all rest assured that Calvin Harris is indeed cat-sitting for Taylor Swift while she's away on tour, because he posted this slo-mo video of one of her cats drinking from the faucet:
This isn't the first time he's hung out with Taylor's cats, Olivia Benson and Meredith, either. Back in April, Harris posted this as evidenced by this meerkat-style action:
I don't particularly care that these are Taylor Swift's cats, but I do care about how these cats are goddamn adorable. They're cuter than at least 90% of human babies. Thus, I would like to do everything in my power to encourage Mr. Harris to post more photos of these guys. Actually, I think writing this article is probably is everything in my power, unless I want to go to creep levels. Which I don't. So, Calvin Harris? More cat pics, please, or GTFO.
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Astronaut shows what it looks like when you take selfies in space, illuminated by Earth.
NASA astronaut Scott Kelly's gorgeous Earth-lit space selfies change color based on what area of the world he's floating over.
If I understood 2001 right — and I'm pretttttttty sure I did — this scene was all about taking selfies with cool space lighting. (via YouTube)
Astronaut Scott Kelly is currently aboard the International Space Station, taking part in The Twins Study, a year-long exploration of the effects of space on the human body. While Scott is up in the ISS, his identical twin brother, former astronaut Mark Kelly, is being monitored on Earth. The hope is that by studying two people with identical genes, NASA can make some important discoveries about how time in space changes humans physically and mentally.
While he's up there, Scott is doing lots of things that us normal humans do here on Earth — using hashtags, taking part in Monday Motivation, and snapping selfies. And as it turns out, selfies are just a little more epic when you're illuminated by the goddamn Earth:
#SaturdaySelfie Earth shine. Top-N. African desert, bottom- few seconds later over the Mediterranean #YearInSpacepic.twitter.com/QLNLOyYc9p
— Scott Kelly (@StationCDRKelly) June 20, 2015Scott Kelly is kinda late to the whole #SpaceSelfie party, though... Buzz Aldrin took one all the way back in 1966, and he is not modest about it:
Did you know I took the first space selfie during Gemini 12 mission in 1966? BEST SELFIE EVER http://t.co/JfPAiVXmLkpic.twitter.com/DuwDXvcDmp
— Buzz Aldrin (@TheRealBuzz) July 19, 2014↧
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Father's Day
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Kim Kardashian confirmed the sex of her baby—in a Father's Day Instagram post, of course.
We're having a boy!
Precious moments like this when we were traveling on tour with you are what I live for. You're such a good daddy to North & you will be the best daddy to our new son too!
A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on
We've obviously all known since last month that Kim Kardashian is pregnant. But yesterday, on Father's Day, she announced via Instagram and Twitter that she and Kanye are expecting a son. That's right, we're going to have a new brother in our family.
Kim K. posted the above picture of Kanye and their daughter North West, and there's a lot of imagery to analyze. The two are sitting together and reading a book. The book is seemingly about a green thing, a brown thing, some dark brown blobs, a beige background, and the sky. In the background, some finished room service appears to await clean-up. And what's in the rest of the room? Well, we'll never know. Kardashian included the following caption:
Precious moments like this when we were traveling on tour with you are what I live for. You're such a good daddy to North & you will be the best daddy to our new son too!
She followed this with four emojis: a man, a woman, a little girl, and a little boy. What could it mean?
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Taylor Swift wrote a provocative Tumblr post and got Apple to pay musicians for streaming music.
There's one question on everyone's mind: is Taylor Swift a vigilante for artists who aren't paid fairly by streaming services, or a superhero?
Sometimes I get frustrated when I want to stream "Blank Space" on Spotify but it's not there. But then I remember that Taylor Swift pulled her music from Spotify to protect the value of her art, so not listening to "Blank Space" on Spotify is in itself a political act, and I am an amazing person. Congratulations to me.
Now I might similarly be able to not listen to "Blank Space" on Apple's new streaming service, Apple Music.
Apple initially said it would not pay artists for their music during a three-month free trial period they're offering customers. Taylor Swift, as you might imagine, was not into this. She wrote a Tumblr post entitled "To Apple, Love Taylor" (but it seems like "love" is sort of passive aggressive in this instance), and opened it by saying, "I write this to explain why I'll be holding back my album, 1989, from the new streaming service, Apple Music." She elaborated in the post:
I'm sure you are aware that Apple Music will be offering a free 3 month trial to anyone who signs up for the service. I'm not sure you know that Apple Music will not be paying writers, producers, or artists for those three months. I find it to be shocking, disappointing, and completely unlike this historically progressive and generous company.
This is not about me. Thankfully I am on my fifth album and can support myself, my band, crew, and entire management team by playing live shows. This is about the new artist or band that has just released their first single and will not be paid for its success. This is about the young songwriter who just got his or her first cut and thought that the royalties from that would get them out of debt. This is about the producer who works tirelessly to innovate and create, just like the innovators and creators at Apple are pioneering in their field...but will not get paid a quarter of a year's worth of plays on his or her songs.
Um...ouch. Like Taylor's assortment of amazing and beautiful female friends, this crusade against unfair streaming models might be a public image move, and is definitely working wonderfully on me.
It's also working on Apple execs, who probably were having heart palpitations thinking about all that sweet millennial "Shake It Off" cash going out the window faster than Taylor Swift in the "Bad Blood" video.
A powerful metaphor about fair pay for musical artists. (via YouTube)
After the blog post came out, Apple Senior Vice President Eddy Cue tweeted that Apple would, after all, pay artists during customers' free trial period.
#AppleMusic will pay artist for streaming, even during customer’s free trial period
— Eddy Cue (@cue) June 22, 2015We hear you @taylorswift13 and indie artists. Love, Apple
— Eddy Cue (@cue) June 22, 2015According to Buzzfeed, Swift still hasn't agreed to stream her songs on Apple's service. What an intriguing summer saga.
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Sofia Vergara looks suspiciously good in this "no-makeup" selfie.
The 42-year-old actress posted this poolside pic to her Instagram.
A little sun before heading to Mexico lindooooo today !!! are u packed @reesewitherspoon
A photo posted by Sofia Vergara (@sofiavergara) on
Ever since Tyra Banks blew the lid off so-called no-makeup selfies, I've been very suspicious of anyone who claims to post one. Case in point: this radiant shot of Modern Family's Sofia Vergara. I say "radiant" because she looks like she's literally glowing. She might not be wearing makeup, but that has to be some kind of filter. Or she has a candle inside her like a jack-o-lantern.
Either way, something's fishy about this photo. You can look as gorgeous as you want, Sofia, but you're not fooling me. P.S. I love you.
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Seasonal
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Article 28
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Here's what happens when guys are confronted with their own cheesy pickup lines on Tinder.
My luck on Tinder has been bad.*
*all identifying photos have been replaced by our delightfully face-like Someecards logo.
So I took a bit of a break.
Online dating means putting yourself out there for hordes of anonymous prospective partners to look you over and judge.
FINE. Can they at least send an interesting first message?!
Goodbye.
These kinds of messages are far more discouraging than being called a pirate hooker. I mean, I responded to that guy. In general, I hate pick-up artists, especially the despicable concept of "negging" they've unleashed on the world. That's when a fella tells a lady she's plain enough to be approachable, or asks if she's from whore island, so she feels insecure and tries to seek his approval. Gross! But it shows some personality... like, I picture a man wearing a fedora, inhaling his own farts through a twisty straw.
Anyway, I decided I can't complain about boring first messages if I don't try for something more interesting myself.
I looked up classic pick-up lines and started throwing them at all my matches. And it was really fun.
We're on fire!
Being playful made others playful:
Pizza first.
Some of them were on to me:
I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that darn Google.
The modern equivalent would be, "Can I use your charger? No, for an iPhone 5. You know what, never mind."
I DID say that to all the boys:
Almost everyone played along:
To a point.
The thing is, after the first message, you have to decide whether you want to keep messaging them. That's when things get tricky.
Not everyone is someone you want to pick up:
Things degenerated from there.
In the end, pick up lines and fedoras and Tinder itself are all smokescreens. Eventually, you have to penetrate the nonsense and figure out who someone really is. Like, they might be a pearl clutching weirdo who doesn't understand Tinder is a f*ck app. That'd be terrible.
BONUS:
These are all the fun lines I got zero response to.
Can't believe these didn't work!
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