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Congratulations on moving out of your parents’ basement at the same age they...

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Maybe you should consider keeping your selfies to yourself.

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This Summer Friday, let's drink our way through the guilt of actually taking...

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I'm the perfect girlfriend until I actually become your girlfriend.

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Sorry you're upset that three brutal murders by one of your players may...

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I'd be more into Summer Fridays if I didn't have to work Summer Saturdays and...

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Congratulations on moving into something other than a treatment facility.

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The 15 best ways to support and/or make fun of the Gay Pride Parade.

It's time for the Gay Pride Parade! Break out those assless chaps and feather boas and prepare for an undignified and orgiastic celebration of human dignity! To get you ready we've got a list of our...

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I'm ready to regret having sex with you.

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I can't tell if you have a better life than me, or better photo filters.

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Let's not spoil our great sex with friendship.

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Sex with you is so good, you're the one I imagine having sex with when I'm...

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Thanks for the drunk, shameful, emotionless sex.

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11 mildly insulting ways to celebrate Canada Day.

Canadians: Born to be mild. It's time once again to "celebrate" that great white "country" to the north of the good ol' U.S.A.—Canada! Send these cards to your "favorite" Cannucks or make your own in...

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 1, 2013

What's Sarah Palin threatening to quit now? What disease did you possibly contract at the beach this weekend? Does Jessica Simpson have an excuse to be fat? All this and more in 5 Things You Should At...

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This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be unwittingly spied on by our...

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The 13 most embarrassing examples of American patriotism ever posted on...

What's wrong with a simple "Happy Fourth Of July!" or "Happy Birthday America," or even a slightly more intense, "I am sexually aroused by my country?" Loving America is awesome and fun and it's proof...

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Your children always look so well-behaved in the photos you post of your...

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This Canada Day, please take Justin Bieber back.

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This is the perfect July 4th to recognize that our striped, star-spangled...

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